Just a Walk in Equestria (JaWiE), Volume 1

by Warden of Monsters


Look Before You Sleep

For the next week things are pretty slow... In some ways anyhow. In others... Not so much.

I finally sat the Doctor down, and told him the full story about me. It was a hard pill for him to swallow, but considering he got to tinker around with tech far beyond his time as evidence he took the news graciously. I convinced him to keep Derpy out of the loop though. Nothing personal, I just don't think she's really good at keeping secrets.

And all you fanboys out there shut up, I'm not basing that off any supposed disability. I saw Slice of Life so I know she has a good head on her shoulders. On the other hand her name isn't Ditzy/Derpy for nothing, out of all the ponies I know she just strikes me the most likely to let a secret slip, and with something this big I can't risk it. Goodness knows she's adorable, and I love her for her quirks, but those same quirks could put us all in jeopardy. Got a problem with it? I got a former special agent here to back me up.

Speaking of Derpy, she's actually helped me learn to control my speed the most. She helped me get a job as a mail courier, and it's great practice for me to do my rounds with my powers. It's tricky though, I've learned a few things the hard way.

Apparently the laws of momentum still apply to me, something I learned when I pushed on a cart to help me change direction mid-run. Ended up sending Berry Punch into the stream when her cart launched off the bridge as a result. But I've gotten more mindful of how to work with this kink in my abilities, just handling things very gently seems to do the trick. Applejack helps me out there, bucking apples then letting me snatch them out of the air, and put them in their baskets. I hardly bruise them anymore. Plus with a good running start most the heavy things I touch only weigh a few pounds. Like have you seen those bales of hay? The big round ones taller than most folks? Running I was able to carry them into a AJ's barn. I try to avoid going at a dead sprint though, it kicks up a lot of wind behind me which is awkward to most my friends.

There are a few perks though, like how since I'm moving the same pace as I normally would running I'm not worried about my clothes catching fire due to friction, and though I am burning more calories my appetite is only slightly increased. Suck it Barry Allen! The time aura around me also seems to work as a sort of force-field around me hovering an inch or two off my skin. No swallowed bugs, or anything getting stuck in my eye whenever the ring comes off. I don't even fell more than a soft breeze washing over me when I run.

Oh, you're probably wondering what I'm doing with all that money I got from the dragon? Well I'm trying to get my own place built, my dream house basically. My only problem is I'm not an Equestrian Citizen so by law I can't own land according to Mayor Mare back in city hall. I've been talking it over with my friends though, and as soon as I find a spot of land I want to build on then I just transfer them the money to buy it, and they let me live there, passing them the yearly expenses, and such. At least until I can qualify to become an Equestrian Citizen. Makes me wonder if Zecora qualifies, or if nopony ever bothers her with legal BS because no one dares go into the Everfree Forest.

Also having Nightmare Moon in my head has been oddly comforting. It seems her range of perception isn't limited to my senses so I always have eyes in the back of my head. Plus someone to talk to, and while I sleep she even sends me memories I've shown her so I've never had a nightmare since our merge. I guess she doesn't want to be sharing my terror from whatever my subconscious decides to startle me with. Though certain things like using the bathroom were awkward at first. We approach such things casually however, like it's not even worth commenting on.

But getting back to the present, Lyra's friends from Canterlot are visiting again for the next few days which is nice. Presently I'm helping Bonbon, and Derpy clean up the park. Because of the smoke of the dragon last week the pegasai had forgotten to set up a slight drizzle of rain so now they're making a storm to make up for it. Seeing Applejack, and Rarity butting heads over a bunch of stylishly pruned branches is all the evidence I need to know where this story is going.

Time for another episode?

Yup!

Then I slip off my ring, darting around the park to pick up all the yanked off broken branches, and depositing them in a cart. Fluttershy wants to give them to a family of beavers out by Sweet Apple Acres, and nopony really has any objections.

When I'm done I dust off my hands, "So Derpy, what are you doing for the storm?"

She shrugs, "I have a few comic books I've been meaning to read so it'll be a quiet evening for me. Oh! And the Doc asked me to tell you he's coming over with something to show you tonight, I hope that's alright."

I blink, and then nod with a smile, "Sure thing Derpy, you take care of yourself." I bump a fist to her hoof, and she flies off as the first sprinkles start coming down.

Bonbon trots up to me, "Well we best get going, Lyra recently checked out a cookbook at the library, and has been dying to try out a few recipes."

As we start walking I ask, "Did you put any thought to my suggestion?"

Bonbon frowns thoughtfully, "...I'm not sure I want Lyra involved in all this, but you're right how at least having Lemon Hearts enlisted with us would be useful. Connections in Canterlot might be needed at some point."

"Trust me, we need as big a jump on these connections as we can get," I say, thinking ahead to Chrysalis. "And the others?"

"I'm still deciding," she says.

"Well it's not like the Mane 6 have any special training," I point out. "A separate team in Canterlot of various skills."

Bonbon looks up at me out of the corner of her eye. "...If you think it's best. I trust you Harley." I can feel a lot of sincerity in her words, and it makes me smile. Leaning down I give her a brief one-armed hug. It's a bit awkward, but she seems to appreciate the gesture.

When we get back we look around, and find a note from Lyra. Apparently her mom back in Canterlot fell ill, and had to be rushed to the hospital. I feel kinda bad for her, but on the bright side it conveniently gets her out of the house while we handle this new part of the agency. It's not long before the rain starts coming down heavily, and I start warming some cocoa in the kitchen for when our guests finally arrive.

Bonbon is reading in the living room when the front door flies open, scaring her nearly out of her wits from the full foot she jumps on the couch. Minuette, Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts, and the Doctor are all soaked when they step inside, shutting the door behind them.

"Having fun?" I smirk as I carry in a platter of steaming mugs filled with hot cocoa, and a small bowl of baby marshmallows. As I set it on the coffee table I notice that the Doctor has a briefcase in his teeth. Minuette makes a nice distraction though by shaking herself off, and scattering water everywhere. She just giggles as Bonbon shoots her a disgruntled look, and I fetch some towels.

"Quite the deluge," the Doctor says around the handle of his briefcase as he sets it down.

"Yeah, somepony better start building an Ark," I joke.

"A what?" Lemon Hearts gratefully takes a towel from me, and starts drying herself off.

"Eh, reference to an old religious tale from my world," I explain. "Story goes the an all-powerful deity simply named God sort of... I guess he was either angry, depressed, or both. Anyways, the gist was that humans had sinned too much, and had become a rather horrid species by his standards. So he had his most loyal follower, a man named Noah, build a massive boat called an Ark. Not sure how considering he was reported to be 600 years old when it set sail."

Twinkle Shine tilts her head, "Really? You can live to be that old?"

"Eh, not typically," I reply. "These days humans are lucky to see 100, and I bet most wish they hadn't... We're a pretty messed up race. Anyhow, when the Ark was finished God had Noah gather one male, and one female of every animal on Earth. That's what my planet is called, Earth. Once that was done God made a massive storm that flooded the world for forty days, and forty nights. Everything that wasn't on the Ark died in that flood."

The story seems to shock them, and Bonbon says, "That's so..."

"Careful," I interrupt. "This is scripture to a lot of folks back home. Anyways, after the 40th night the storm passed, and the waters started to subside, and the Ark settled down on a mountain top. Word has it that Noah started sending birds to search for signs that it was safe to leave the Ark. First he sent a raven, and that Raven never came back. Next he tried a dove, which returned empty of signs. But the second time he sent the dove out it came back with an olive branch, and so Noah opened the Ark to release the animals into the world."

I sit on the couch, and fold my hands behind my head, "Then Noah prayed, asking for some sign of forgiveness... So God created the rainbow, and said it was his promise never to flood the world again." I can see them exchanging looks so I continue, "On earth rainbows aren't made in factories. Humans have no control over the weather, we just have instruments to predict what's coming our way. Pretty much imagine the Everfree Forest on a global scale with some areas cut down for urbanization."

Now that idea seems to scare them. The Doctor says, "Earth sounds like a rather harsh place to live then."

"Yeah, well, we don't have monsters there," I shrug. "No Hydras, Manticores, Chimeras, etc. Just your typical lions, and tigers, and bears."

Minuette hops up beside me, her cocoa hovering in the air beside her. "Well, thank you both for having us over. Nice story too Harley! Got any more?"

"Plenty," I reply. "Collecting stories is a hobby of mine. Tales of heroes, villains, victims, and the victorious... Stories never get old."

"Though some may grow tiresome of retelling," Bonbon says, giving me a pointed look, and reminding me of the purpose of having them all here.

"Yeah," I sigh. "Like... Okay, just... Give me the benefit of the doubt here... On earth we know about Equestria, but there it's just a show on TV used to market toys to young females."

Minuette snickers, but then studies my face. Her smile slowly fades, "...You're serious..."

I nod, and pull out my phone, "It'll be easier if I just show you. Right now there are events from the show taking place."

The Doctor raises a hoof to stop me, "Uh... Are you sure that's wise?"

I shrug, "It's just a filler episode, literally nothing of consequence happens. Just Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity having a slumber party to wait out the storm."

He considers that, and then nods. I flick through my phone until I find the file, and then bring it up. Then I prop it up against the marshmallow bowl while everypony gets situated. The Doctor sits on the floor with Minuette. Lemon Hearts, and Twinkleshine sit to either side of me while Bonbon sits in my lap. This is something I'm actually pretty used to. She often does this to get my attention while I'm reading, on my phone, or when she needs some help with the back of her mane while Lyra isn't around. Anyhow, I push Play, and let the episode play.

About 25 minutes later our guests look pretty shocked, save for Bonbon who is used to this, and Minuette who looks like she wants to bust up laughing. Oh, and the Doctor who looks more curious than anything else.

"Well," Lemon Hearts mutters. "I guess that's... Something..."

"Yeah," Twinkleshine says. "Something..."

"I thought it was so funny when Applejack just yanked that tree into the library," Minuette giggles. "Oopsie!"

I set Bonbon on the floor, and stand to get some circulation in my legs again. "I gotta ask though, the part with the hair curlers, aren't those actually supposed to curl hair?"

"Oh it's a simple spell," Minuette explains. "Most unicorn mares learn it so we can fix ourselves if we experiment with a new style, and it turns out a disaster."

"...Sounds legit," I say with a shrug. "So Doc, what's with the case? Staying the night? I'll make space in my room."

"Thank you for the offer," he says. "But really I couldn't possibly-"

A sudden flash of lightning makes us all jump, and the Doctor goes a bit pale. Laughing nervously he says, "Thank you Harley, that sounds delightful."

"Guess we're having a sleepover of our own then," I laugh.

The Doctor pushes the briefcase towards me, "It's actually something I cooked up for you in my laboratory."

Blinking I take the case, and open it. My first thought when I see what's inside is that he made a pair of Assassin's Creed hidden blades. But after I take a second to look at them I notice that while these are wrist-mounted devices they're way more complex than that. Picking one up I turn it over to admire it. Mechanics that I don't quite understand on a mechanism meant to be worn on the bottom of the forearm, and the slipping under some oddly familiar blue metal on covering the rest of it, the very end ending in a glove missing half the first finger. Each of them has a bit of weight to them, but nothing major, I'd hesitate to say ten pounds each.

"What are these?" I raise an eyebrow, and slip one onto my left arm.

"Careful now," the Doctor says quickly. "I thought with your new magical abilities you could use an edge in upcoming circumstances. So I thought with a pair of wrist-mounted grappling hooks you would be able to course-correct as need be... Ah, please keep your wrist straight, and finger splayed."

I very rigidly do as he says now that I know what I'm wearing. Images of shooting somepony in the throat with one of these things flashes through my head, making Nightmare Moon, and I cringe inwardly. The Doctor walks over, and turns my arm over, showing me what I had missed earlier. A part that looks like an arrowhead, but the back of it is open, like just a sharpened V with a small rod only an inch long connected to the juncture on the inside.

"Miniature steel cable," the Doctor explains, tilting my hand backwards. I hear a soft click, and he says, "The Safety is now off. To fire just press the pressure pad on the side of your first knuckle, and you should have accuracy up to twenty meters."

"Not in the house," Bonbon says firmly, and I nod.

"Now I need to tune for this next bit," the Doctor says. "Make a fist for me, and tilt your wrist all the way forwards." He takes out a small tool kit, and I comply with a curious frown. I feel him adjust something in the palm, and attaches some metal wires as thin as thread to an armor plate with some curious grooves on the back of my hand. After a minute or two he's done, and has me do the same with the other one.

Stepping back the Doctor says, "There, now you are armed! Now make a fist, then tilt your wrist forwards, and back."

Nodding I do as he says, and everypony but him jumps when three double sided blades extend from under the armor on the back of my arms, and secure themselves on the backs of my hands. When I open my hands though they sheathe again. I blink a few times, "Wha...? How did...?"

"Well when you were taken to the hospital you were wearing some curious blades," the Doctor explains.

"Oh yeah," I say, looking the bracers over. "I wondered what happened to my Wolverine Claws."

"Well sadly these aren't the same ones," the Doctor says. "These blades as well as those hooks on your wrists are made from premium grade titanium. I did my best to cushion the insides for comfort, and the outsides are armored with my remaining stocks of Cosmanium."

I blink, "Coz-what?"

"Cosmanium," the Doctor repeats. "It's an extremely rare metal carefully forged with gems, spells, and no short amount of alchemical, and smithing skill. One of the key ingredients is meteorite ore, but the end result is unbelievably light with a density to shame the likes of diamonds, and other metals."

It is also what my armor had been fashioned from.

"Ah," I say, looking at the bracers with a new appreciation. "Well I am very grateful Doc, I'll take the best care of them that I can."

The Doctor smiles, "Well I made them to last, but don't hesitate to have me tune them up regularly. Once a week if you can manage it, I've never built anything like these before so I'm not sure how well they will perform."

"The curse Princess Luna put on you should help though," Minuette says as she heads for the kitchen.

"How so...? Wait, curse?" I blink at her in confusion.

"Yup," she says as she comes back with some donuts. "Your abilities sounded familiar to me so I looked back over my research. It's an old spell that in the dark ages before the Union of Equestria was used to punish the harshest of criminals. They would lose control of their magic, and their special talents while the world around them moved at a snail's pace... Slower actually. My book says the spell turns one second to us into an hour for whoever is under the spell, imagine living that out in a jail cell for years in relative time. To us you'd come out much older since you would age rapidly. After all a whole day is... 60 to the third power... 86,400 seconds. Divide that by 24, and you get 3,600 days to you in one day to us. That's 9.86 years to you in one day to us."

I gulp audibly, "Mercy..." I rub the ring on my finger with a newfound fondness, making a mental note to super-glue it to my finger if I need to.

"It was the quickest way to make a pony serve a life-sentence," Minuette explains. "But with you it seems the spell was watered down a bit, and none of the criminals had an inhibitor for it."

I shudder, and the Doctor pats my knee, "Oh now, that's why there's the invention of pockets! Or I could create something more secure if that is what you prefer."

I nod vigorously, "Yeah, please yes."

Minuette smiles, and then shows off her hourglass Cutie Mark, "I love the study of time, and multiverse theory. Unlike Time Turner here I focus more on the magical aspects versus the technological aspects."

I blink a few times, "...Time Turner?"

"Eh, yes," the Doctor says. "That is my real name, but I prefer Doctor. I didn't earn my PHD for fun after all."

"Noted," I say. "So Minuette... You said this curse should help with my new bracers?"

"Mm-hm! Ever notice how you never get something in your eye, or swallow a bug while you're running?" I hadn't thought about it too much, but I nod so she can continue. "Well that's because when the spell is active it forms an aura around you that reflects kinetic energy as a side effect, or most of it anyways. It would take something of great force like a cannon to penetrate, so whatever you strike with those claws might as well be soft butter so long as there aren't any magical aspects of what you're hitting, then there will be some resistance."

I nod, and sit quietly, processing that. "Can magic penetrate the aura?"

"Oh sure it can," Minuette says. "And it would disrupt the spell for about... I guess ten seconds until your inner nexus could readjust the flow of the energy in your body."

Lemon Hearts clears her throat, "Um... Harley?"

Looking over I raise an eyebrow, "Yeah?"

"You... You kinda dropped a wagon on us with this revelation about the show... Why did you tell us?"

You really must learn to focus on one thing at a time.

Oh leave me alone.

"Because within the next two years there are going to be many threats to this land. Bonbon, and I can handle them, but we need your help to be prepared for them." I smile, "We're counting on you."

Minuette perks, "So does our little group have a name? That would be so much fun!"

"And we are reporting to the princesses so it would be nice to have some official weight with a proper title," the Doctor muses.

Sighing I sit on the floor with my hands folded in my lap. "Well... Right now it doesn't... I used to joke about Bonbon being a Pony of S.H.I.E.L.D. back in my world. Stood for Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division."

They share a look, and Lemon Hearts says, "None of us are going to remember that. Plus that's not exactly original either."

I stroke my chin, "...Most my reports go to Luna, what about the New Lunar Republic?"

Bonbon scowls, "That makes it sound like we're organizing a new government under Luna's rule, which is treasonous."

"But nopony would suspect us of actually working for Sunbutt as her secret agency," I point out.

"First of all, don't call the princess Sunbutt, that's so disrespectful," Twinkleshine says firmly. "Second, you just said our reports go to Princess Luna."

Frowning I drum my fingers on the floor, my eyes drifting to the Doctor. "...Torchwood...? No, no... The Watchers?"

That one seems to suit them a little better. Really the inspiration had come from the Fallout Equestria stories, and how Watcher always stayed in the background, observing except for when he was needed to step in.

"The Watchers it is then," Bonbon says, her tone shifting to one of authority. "Harley will provide Intel, and Field Support."

"No shit," I mutter.

"I will direct tactics, and my expertise from experience in the field," she says like I had never spoken. "Minuette, Doc, you both will serve as Research and Development. Put your brains together, try to produce what will help us be most prepared."

They both give their best salutes, and then hoof bump as she turns to the remaining two mares. "Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, you two will serve as our experts of communication, and infiltration. No doubt you have your share of contacts who can be trusted to set us up in favorable positions when the time comes."

"No problem," Lemon Hearts says. "So... What are we preparing to face?"

"Well for now there's a curse we should be on the lookout for," I say, crossing my arms as I look up at the ceiling. "Interesting though... In the show when the magic of Inspiration Manifestation was absorbed by Rarity it barely took a night for it to start making her compulsively create, and alter nonstop. But it's been over a week since I lost those powers, and we haven't seen any sign."

"Meaning one of two things," Bonbon says. "Either pony who was infected isn't in Ponyville, or the Manifest's host isn't using magic to boost its life source."

"Magic flows through everypony," the Doctor muses out loud. "So even a Pegasus, or Earth Pony could be a viable host. Most likely it would grow the more they use their special talent if the host isn't a unicorn."

"There is only one telltale sign for certain," I say. "A green glow. When Rarity was... Or rather, will be, infected then her eyes would glow green in the irises, and the aura of her horn changed to match."

"But lots of unicorns have green magic," Twinkleshine points out. "Especially the ones that naturally have green eyes. How are we supposed to find it?"

Bonbon taps a front hoof twice for attention, "Whoever has that magic is no doubt benefiting from it greatly. Harley, the Doctor, and I will scope out possible hosts here in Ponyville, stake them out for any sign of symptom. Minuette, Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts, you three go back to Canterlot, but keep in touch. It's a long shot, but our target might have a taste for higher class living, or there might be a passing rumor. Keep an eye to the news especially, any rising stars are prime suspects."

Minuette raises a hoof like a school filly, "What's the plan if we find the host?"

"Then Harley, and I will take over," Bonbon says. "With his power, and my skill we can..." She trails off, and then rubs her chin thoughtfully. So I decide to step in, having thought about this a lot as of late.

"I never should have taken that power for myself," I say. "There is a book it was sealed in. If we can, our plan is to seal it away in the book again, and hide it where I know Spike will discover it again when it's needed."

Bonbon then nods with a smile, "Precisely!"

Lemon Hearts smiles, "Well... I'm glad we got this well taken care off... So what are the plans for the evening?"

"I got a Pool table downstairs," I say. "Ordered it from a catalog after the bank was finished with that dragon hoard. We could play three on three while swapping stories."

"Sounds like a plan," the Doctor says as he trots for the basement, "Ladies, alons-y!"

I fight a grin, and fail. Really all he needs is a suit, a Tardis, and a Sonic Screwdriver. Then I get an idea... A very evil idea.

Harley, why am I feeling some sadism in your heart?

Because I'm about to ruin sweets for these ponies.

Chuckling to myself I say, "You all set it up, and start without me. I wanna try a recipe Pinkie gave me the other day." Nodding they head down the steps, and I take off my ring, figuring it'll expedite things. And FYI, mixing batter quickly is not recommended when time is suspended like that. Turned my back for two seconds to raid the fridge after I mixed some batter, and when I look again the batter is flying out of the bowl. Had to catch it all, and cover it with a large cutting board before slipping my ring back on.

"Oven needs to preheat anyhow," I sigh. "Now where is it...?"

Five minutes later I head down the stairs to see the pool game underway. Bonbon, Doc, and Minuette are on one team leaving me with Twinkle Shine, and Lemon Hearts. We're playing the Stripes balls, and already behind three.

"Hey Harley, tell us another story from Earth," Twinkle Shine says.

Grinning devilishly I say, "Alright, here's one from Earth, but about Equestria." I pause to clear my throat, and line up my shot.

"Once upon a sunny afternoon in Ponyville the weather manager Rainbow Dash is making her way to Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie had chased her all over the day before, trying to get her to drop by to help her with something. What it was though she refused to say at the time..."

Over the course of three games I take my time telling the story of Cupcakes by Sergeant Sprinkles, the most infamous fanfic ever written, and one of the top three of my favorite fanfic list. Right up there with Fallout Equestria by Kkat, and Past Sins by Pen Stroke. The looks on their faces are priceless, and I leave them more than a little intrigued/disturbed after I'm done describing the torture chamber. I have to pop the snacks in the oven, and I bet you can see what I'm up to by this point.

When I get back they're more gripped by my story than the game... And I still manage to lose, the game of billiards really doesn't like me. Though in my defense I am distracted with my own imagination, and by Nightmare Moon trying to get me to stop envisioning all the gory details.

"...And so the ponies of Ponyville obliviously munch their strangely extra-sweet cupcakes," I conclude ominously. "And Rainbow Dash was never seen, or heard from ever again."

Twinkle Shine is looking a bit green in the face, and Lemon's complexion has bleached. Minuette is shaking slightly in her hooves, hugging the Doctor who I think looks ready to wet himself. Bonbon swallows, and puts on a smile as she sinks the 8 ball, winning the fourth game in a row.

"Th-that... That's terrible," Minuette stutters.

"Whatever," Bonbon says, but in a quiet tone. Up above I hear a timer go off, and jog up the steps to put the finishing touches on my snacks. The others file up after me a few minutes later.

"Bon appétit!" I turn with a tray of chocolate cupcakes in my hands, each with rainbow frosting. The ponies stare for a minute before bolting up the stairs as quickly as they can, shouting Goodnight to me as they vanish. Shrugging I sit at the couch, and spend the evening studying the next episode.

...

The next morning I escort the three unicorns to the train station with Bonbon. Lyra is getting off the train when we arrive, and the two lesbian horses hug. I chuckle as I watch, and ask, "So how was Canterlot?"

"Pretty uneventful," Lyra says with a shrug as Bonbon lets her go. "Turns out mom just wasn't eating right, the doctors gave her some vitamins though, she'll be fine."

"That's good to hear," Minuette says with a cheerful spring in her step. "We'll be sure to pay her a visit when we get back."

"Hey guys!"

Pinkie trots up with a basket on her back, and I notice everypony but Lyra shiver the slightest bit. Lyra waves, "Pinkie! How are you?"

"Oh I'm alright," Pinkie says as she sets the basket down. "Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy stayed with me last night at Sugarcube Corner so we had lots of fun trying new recipes! Want some samples?"

"Sure!"

I blink as Pinkie pulls out a couple of cupcakes, giving one to Lyra. She bites into the chocolate cupcake... And her mouth comes away smeared in red. My friends watch on in horror, and then the Canterlot unicorns bolt for the train. Inside I'm having a small panic attack myself. What if by telling that story I've somehow altered the reality of this world?!

Pinkie frowns, as the train pulls away, and then pulls one out for herself, chewing thoughtfully. "...Mmm, they're right. Should have gone with strawberry filling, not cherry."

Then she looks down as Bonbon faints, and with a shrug Pinkie offers me a cupcake. However my ring is already off, and I'm well out of Ponyville before the words even leave her mouth.