Rainbow Dash and the Shameless Self-Insert

by Wise Cracker


The Yellowbelly Thing

She paced about the room, trying not to panic.

"Okay, Rainbow Dash, think, think."

Rainbow quickly abandoned thinking, having been taught since a young age that thinking was for smart ponies. And, not being a smart pony – current predicament further illustrating that fact – she did what she always did when she was in trouble: move.

Before she knew it, she was at the beaver dam, the first place where her book might have fallen.

Once she got there, Rainbow moved in a blur, lifting up brushes and checking trees for signs of any errant dialogues or prologues. So far, all she could see was regular 'logues, piled up to hold back some water. She dearly hoped the beavers hadn't eaten any of her work. "Gotta find it, gotta find it..."

"Find what, Rainbow Dash?"

"Yaah!" Rainbow made a straight vertical lift-off, before turning and hanging in mid-air to face her friend. "Fluttershy, hi!"

"Umm, hello, Rainbow Dash. Is there a problem? Mister Paddle told me the Weather Patrol already covered this area."

Rainbow shook her head. "Uh, no problem, no, we're done for the day."

"Oh, good. Then, um, why are you here? Are you looking for something?"

Rainbow Dash stayed in the air, mostly on reflex. She rubbed the back of her head, avoiding Fluttershy's gaze. "Eheh. You know that novel I was working on?"

"You mean the one about a mare who becomes Wonderbolt Captain?"

"Yup."

"The mare who just happens to be called Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow groaned. "It's Rainbow Flash. Big difference."

Fluttershy snickered. "Of course it is. What about it?"

Given how rare the sound of Fluttershy snickering was, Rainbow wasn't sure if she should be happy for her friend or annoyed. "I accidentally packed it this morning, and I, err... I lost it somewhere."

"Oh, and you think it fell out somewhere around here?"

"Yeah. I don't suppose your beaver buddies found anything?"

Fluttershy trotted off to talk to what Rainbow assumed was the forebeaver of the operation. That forebeaver then called his workbeavers, and at some point she was pretty sure the union beavers were discussing wages and social security as it relates to daily wood consumption.

Then again, Rainbow Dash wasn't an expert on beavers like Fluttershy was, so she may have misunderstood the matter.

"The beavers haven't seen any novels falling around here."

"You're sure?"

"They're very sure. Paper is a delicacy to them, and they wouldn't let it go to waste."

Rainbow Dash thought that over for a second. Then she thought for another second, because thinking logically was one of the few things she did slowly. "Then how do you know they wouldn't lie just to keep it to themselves?"

Fluttershy smiled. "Oh, they wouldn't lie to me; they know to mind their manners when it comes to ponies."

Rainbow took that as meaning 'The beavers know I have a bear standing by at all times, and that, unlike them, he's not a fussy eater.'

"Okay, thanks anyway."

Fluttershy shrugged. "I can help you find it, if you like. I wouldn't mind reading what you have so far if I do find it."

That sounded like a great idea at first. Then Rainbow Dash realised what exactly Fluttershy might end up reading. "Err..."


"Okay, everypony!" Rainbow Flash called out. "We have two weeks to prepare for hurricane duty, and if we want Horseytown to get the record, we all need to get our level up!"

The crowd cheered, and Rainbow smiled. Truly, the flyers of Horseytown were united under the great Rainbow Flash, much like their ancestors had been under hers. Commander Hurricane would have been proud. The pegasi dispersed quickly, and went to work on training under her watchful eye. It was a sight Rainbow relished from up high: wing push-ups in front of her, rhythmic trotting to the right of that, at her two o'clock, weighted vest training on her five and six, advanced stretches at seven, and from her nine to eleven o'clock Shady Tinkle had set up a small lab to take notes on everypony. It was a smoothly run operation, whole clock around.

Of course, there's always a few hiccups when working with large groups of ponies. In this case, the hiccup was two little ponies approaching her: a blackish grey filly and a greyish white colt.

Sootie and Tremble. They weren't related, but they might as well have been, for all the time they spent together. Tremble was the fastest kid in town, almost at the same level Rainbow Flash had been at that age. He was sharp both in mind and wings, and dedicated to his practice. Tremble wasn't the sort of kid you encouraged to compete; he was the kind you encouraged to slow down so the others wouldn't feel bad about losing to him. His only major weakness was that, unlike Rainbow Flash, he actually would slow down for his competitors.

Sootie, on the other hoof, was less accomplished in the fields of athletics, though not for lack for trying. She practised her flying over the roofs of Horseytown, but due to some oddity in her wing development, she couldn't get off the ground yet. As a result, Sootie usually ended up down somepony's chimney. Still, that girl was a tornado on wheels once she got her rollerblades on, and the lack of vertical action did nothing to curb her taste in stunts. Besides, she always wore a helmet for stunts, which was more than Rainbow could say for some of the speedsters in other towns.

Both had the messy mane that characterised junior speedsters (though Tremble clearly had a better grasp on the basics of style, as well as on his manebrush, than Sootie did). Both had the familiar taut bodies, the hints of ribs showing when they breathed. Both were in awesome shape for their age, ready for any talent scout with an open spot in their roster.

Both were apparently worried about something.

"Umm, Rainbow Flash?"

"What's the matter, Sootie?"

"Err, I don't think I can help very much," Sootie said.

"Yeah, me neither," Tremble added.

"What? Why not?"

"Well, I can't fly like the rest of the pegasi," the girl remarked.

"And I can't fly as well as they can," said the boy. "We're too little."

"Don't be silly, Tremble. We're doing this as a team effort. You just do your best."

The grey colt pouted. "But my best isn't gonna be good enough! I'm never going to hit ten wingpower!"

Rainbow rolled her eyes and sighed. "No, and you're not supposed to. You're right: you're only a little pony. But you're good at flying, aren't you? You can still fly circles around any kid from around here."

He shrugged and looked away. "I guess."

"And you like flying, don't you?"

"Uhuh."

She nudged his chest. "There you go. Don't quit just because you think you can't measure up to grownups, Tremble. Your brother is an ace, but so are you. And aces push themselves. They do the work, and they get better."

Tremble grumbled. Sootie grimaced. Rainbow noticed.

"Of course, if you really want to quit, I can't make you keep going. Your parents wouldn't want me to, and your brother wouldn't want you to get injured. But if you're going to quit, do it for a good reason. Do it because you think you're going to get hurt, or because you might cause an accident for somepony else." She leaned in, knowing full well what buttons to push with the kid. "Do you think you're that clumsy, Tremble?"

He scoffed. "No, of course not."

She backed up with a nod and an approving smile. "Good, I don't think so either. I think you're good enough to take part in this. So if all you're worried about is how you'll look compared to the rest, maybe you should consider comparing yourself to other kids, and not the grownups. You two are the only foals who haven't left yet, and you, Tremble, are not weak." She looked to Sooty then. "Of course, if you can't fly at all, I understand that you don't want to stick around."

Sooty grumbled. "I don't want to be the only pegasus around who can't fly."

Rainbow Flash smiled. Of course, that's why Tremble was here: he was braver than her. Sooty would never want to disappoint her idol. Neither did Tremble, but Tremble was more like his brother Donnerung in that regard: level-headed, always thinking two moves ahead, considering the consequences.

Rainbow hated that smart-flank for that.

"Look, Sooty, I get that you feel bad about not being able to fly yet-"

Sooty cringed.

"But just because you can't fly right now doesn't mean you can't help. And Tremble, if you want to quit just because Sooty's quitting, that's not good enough. There's being a good friend and there's being too kind for your own good."

Now Tremble cringed. He couldn't look Sootie in the face, even.

Rainbow let out a heavy and dramatic sigh. "Look, both of you: if you want to quit, fine. Quit. You're not grownups, it's not fair to put that burden on you yet. But if you want me to say it's okay for you to quit, forget it. It's not, for either of you. Tremble, you're the strongest flyer in your class, you're the only one who's ready for competition. And Sootie..." She caught her breath then. "Sootie, I know how much you like flying, and how much you want to join in. Really, I get it. And if you stick around, you're gonna be surrounded by ponies who can fly while you can't. But what are you planning to do when you leave? Just sit around all day and mope or try to actually learn how to fly? Because, if you really wanna jumpstart your wingpower, leaving is not a smart way of doing it."

The filly winced. "Well... I hadn't thought that far ahead yet."

"Didn't think so. Look, if you want my advice: go find Tinkle, ask her what needs doing. There's lots of ponies doing training, they might need help. Stick with Tremble here, or ask Thorn. I mean, he's a dragon, and he can't fly either, but he's still helping."

"You really think they'd let us?"

"You're pegasi, aren't you? If you want to help, there's plenty you can do. Tremble, you can fly fine enough for hurricane duty. Sootie, there's always somepony who needs help, and hey, who knows, you might learn a thing or two when you watch other ponies training. You might figure out how to get off the ground if you pay attention."

The two scrunched their noses, shared a glance, then nodded and replied in stereo. "Thanks, Rainbow Flash."

"That's what I'm here for, kids."

The two turned and trotted off, one towards the herd of adults doing their reps, the other towards the unicorn and dragon keeping track of said reps.

Rainbow Flash smiled. Those two wouldn't forgive themselves if they quit now. Opportunity like this, the chance to help set the record for wingpower on Horseytown, what pegasus wouldn't want to try?

She furrowed her brow and flew up, scanning the meadows.

What pegasus indeed.

Flutterby wasn't here.

Rainbow looked left, right, up, down. Two green mares, some purple ones, blue, reddish... no yellow.

Apparently, that kind of pegasus.


"Okay, Flutterby, what's the problem?" She asked while knocking on the door. Knowing Flutters, the yellowbelly was probably waiting for this very visit. The Weather Patrol hadn't reported any animal-related emergencies, and the mayor hadn't noticed anything, and none of the local vets had sent any patients for rehab, so whatever was keeping Flutterby from practice, it wasn't anything related to her job. If it had been, a simple note would have sufficed.

Flutterby slowly opened the door, coughing with the same hushed, whispery air to her voice that she did everything with. Everything except singing, for some bizarre reason. "Oh, umm, hi, Rainbow Flash. I think I'm coming down with something, might be the pony pox."

Rainbow Flash recoiled when she saw the spots on her friend's face. The prospect of getting sick was always a hard limit for Rainbow, ever since the agony of spending two weeks at home coughing and running a fever. At least she got licorice then. Her father had said she took after Commander Hurricane in that regard; loving the essence of black root so much. She shook her head to stop that train of thought. "Uhuh. You got sick just before the first day of hurricane training."

"I know it's terrible, but I'm really sick. I just woke up this morning covered in spots."

Rainbow licked her hoof and pressed it against one of the spots, then rubbed vigorously. "There. Problem solved." She looked down to see red ink on her hoof. "Pony pox don't give you spots; they give you bumps. Your skin turns red, Flutters, fur doesn't change colour like that. Now what is going on? Why are you shirking your duty?"

Flutterby fluttered up and threw her arms up. "Oh, I just can't fly, Rainbow Flash. I'll never get to ten wingpower in time!"

Rainbow looked at her friend, then at the fair distance between Flutters and the ground, then at Flutterby's wings. All three seemed to be perfectly normal. "And?"

"And, I'd be humiliated! Don't you remember what happened at Flight Camp? Everyone was so mean to me."

Rainbow Flash did remember what happened at Flight Camp, actually. The ponies there were gruff, rough, borderline abusive. The other kids weren't very nice, either.

And it worked. Flight Camp worked that way for a good reason. It got Flutterby flying, for one thing.

"Yes, I remember that. And I get that it wasn't a good experience. But are you really going to just quit? We're going for the record! I need every pony I can get!"

"I can't, Rainbow Flash, I just can't. It's too humiliating. Ponies will laugh at me."

Rainbow sighed. "Fine. Okay, I need to get back to training."

"What?"

Rainbow Flash turned her back on her friend. "You stay home while we train. I mean, lots of ponies are staying home, because they have jobs and all. Just go ask the mayor, get a note, you'll be fine. We'll just have to manage without you. I'm sure you have important stuff to do."

"Well, actually..."

"I mean, if you think you're too weak, if you think you'll cause an accident, stay home. Seriously, don't go anywhere near the training site, I can't afford any accidents or anyone getting sick for real."

"Umm, no, I don't think I'd cause an accident... I'm just..."

The door already slammed shut. Rainbow Flash was never one to wait.

Flutterby let out a heavy sigh. "Fine. You win."


This was not exactly a flattering image of the yellow-bellied (and really, yellow-bodied) pegasus. Of course, it was a functional one, to make a nice comparison with the kids, but... would Fluttershy see that? "You know what, Fluttershy? I think it'd be better if I kept looking on my own."

"Oh, okay. I understand. I wouldn't want to slow you down, with, you know, me not flying very well and all."

Rainbow felt the blood drain from her face. Oh, if that story fell into the wrong hooves...

"Gotta go!"