“So let’s talk about Pinkie.” Twilight’s wheelchair was pulled up across from Rainbow Dash at the Hay Burger. She’d spent all morning thinking about this lunch. Once she’d gotten past the initial shock, she found the whole thing exciting. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie! Two of her best friends were getting together! She wondered if the others had felt this way when she and Applejack first became a couple.
“What about Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Like, are you asking how we--what the hoof is that?” Twilight levitated a folder stuffed with papers from under her chair and set it on the table.
Twilight smiled and explained, “This is my compatibility matrix with Applejack. It’s a detailed analysis of our relationship, exploring the pros and cons of our companionship.”
Rainbow Dash glared sarcastically at Twilight. “I thought AJ burned all those notes.”
Twilight shook her head. “This isn’t from last week. We’ve spent several nights over the past few moons working on this together.”
“Uh-huh.”
Twilight looked down sheepishly. “Well, mostly I work on it. She just answers questions, but she’s very supportive and volunteers whatever she can.”
Rainbow Dash’s skeptical gaze remained unconvinced.
Quietly, Twilight admitted, “Sometimes she kisses me to make me stop asking questions.”
“There we go, that sounds like AJ,” Rainbow Dash teased. “So why are you whipping this out? You don’t want me to make one of these for Pinkie, do you?”
Twilight’s face lit up at the offer. “I would be more than willing to help you if you wanted to, but no. I wanted to go over a few of the notes Applejack and I have made to help you think about where you’re going to go from here with Pinkie.”
“Ugh!” Rainbow Dash rest her forehead on her hoof. “Twilight, only you could make dating feel like homework.”
Twilight glowered. “I’m trying to help your relationship, Rainbow Dash.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “What’s to help? I like her, she likes me, we’re a big ball of like. Good enough, right?”
Twilight sighed. “No, not good enough. Romance is hard, Rainbow Dash. There’s a lot of work that goes into making a relationship work and sometimes things happen that you never expected. A lot of time has to be spent making sure you understand your special somepony and know how to communicate with her. So let’s start there. What do you know about Pinkie?”
“Uh, she works at a bakery?”
Twilight sighed. “What do you know about Pinkie that you didn’t before you started seeing her? What special insights has being with her given you into who she is as a pony?”
Rainbow Dash thought for a moment, then offered, “…her lips taste like cotton candy?”
Twilight shook her head, “No, I mean-wait, what?” She blinked a couple times. “That’s strange.”
“It is?”
Twilight looked off into the distance for a moment. “Applejack just tastes like sweat and dirt most days.”
“That sounds disgusting.”
Twilight shrugged. “It can be, but that’s just how she is. Love isn’t always pretty, Rainbow Dash. You have to be willing to accept your special somepony for who she is and hope that she can do the same for you. That means the bad parts too.”
“Pfft.” Rainbow Dash scoffed. “That’ll be easy for her, ‘cause I don’t have bad parts.”
Twilight rolled her eyes and refused to dignify that statement. “Anyways, what I was saying was that you need to spend some time with Pinkie. Get to know her more than you do now. Figure out what interests you both have and where they can intersect. Try to make a habit of at least talking to her when you can. If you do that for long enough, you’ll find it starts happening more naturally. You get used to just being near her.”
“Okay.” Rainbow Dash thought for a minute, trying to figure out if now was a proper time to ask a particular question. Not finding an answer, she just decided to go for it. “And how often should we do it?”
“Talk to each other? I’d say to set aside at least three days a week to spend with her to start off, then--”
Rainbow Dash shook her head, “No, I mean, how often should we be getting dirty?”
Twilight blinked. “What, do you mean in mud? I usually find a nice grassy spot to read from while Applejack’s working.”
Rainbow Dash groaned. “Sex, Twilight. I’m talking about sex.”
“Oh!” Twilight blushed and found something interesting in her hay burger to look at instead of Rainbow Dash. How had they managed to get the straw to quite that shade of yellow?
Oblivious to Twilight’s embarrassment, Rainbow Dash continued. “What kind of timeframe should I be looking at? Daily? Weekly?”
Awkwardly, Twilight attempted an answer. “…I mean, that really depends on your partner….”
“Well, how often do you do it?”
Twilight blushed hard enough to begin sweating. “I…that’s not really….”
“You have done it, haven’t you?”
“I…partake from time to…you know, I think we’re really getting off-topic!” Twilight tried to cover her embarrassment with a wide grin and slowly nudged the matrix folder towards Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash glared at the folder. “Yeah, I’m not reading your dumb love essays.”
Twilight sighed. This was going nowhere. “Okay, what about gifts? You could figure out what kind of gifts Pinkie likes. Or just hang out at the store and help her with her work.”
“Hold on, go back,” Rainbow Dash insisted. “Gifts? Like, for her birthday?”
Twilight shook her head. “You don’t need a special occasion just to do something nice for your special somepony. A kind word here or a small present there can go a long way.”
Rainbow Dash struggled to wrap her head around the concept. “So, I get her something nice and then she has to sleep with me?”
“NO!” Twilight slammed her front hooves down on the table and tried reflexively to stand, but the jolt of pain that shot through her leg cut her off. With a cry of pain, she fell back into her wheelchair. Rainbow Dash jumped up to help her, but a sharp glare from Twilight sent her back to her seat. Twilight breathed a few times, stroking her casted leg with her hoof.
“Are you o--”
Rainbow Dash was cut off by Twilight’s stern voice. “Is that the only thing about Pinkie that you care about?”
“I don’t know!” Rainbow Dash shouted in her own defense. “It’s literally the only thing we’ve done as a couple.” Quietly, she added, “And I liked it. It was fun.”
“Then maybe you should start with that. Find things to do together that aren’t...that.” Twilight took a few more deep breaths, then settled herself back in at the table. “Pinkie’s a good friend and I don’t want you treating her like she’s some…walking dispensary.” Twilight shuddered with revulsion for having to say those words. “She deserves better than that. So do you.”
Rainbow turned over Twilight’s advice in her head as she flew over Ponyville. Be nice, do stuff for her, hang out sometimes. That all sounded like friend stuff. Just more of it. She’d been hoping for specifics about how much touching is too much or how to recognize when it’s a good time for a kiss. The juicy stuff!
Then again, it was Twilight after all. Rainbow Dash still could hardly believe that folder she’d brought. That was her idea of romance? She shuddered to think what her nights must be like.
“In preparation for tonight’s pre-scheduled hour of physical intimacy, I have prepared the following itemized list of approved carnal activities. Please review it, then sign the attached disclosure form so that we may commence fornication.”
The more she thought about it, the more she had no idea what Applejack saw in her. Twilight was a good friend, but she couldn’t fathom the idea that 24 hours of never-ending Twilight would become anything but tedious.
But what about never-ending Pinkie? She could deal with that, couldn’t she? Pinkie could be really strange sometimes and she occasionally hit a pitch so high it made everypony’s ear drums bleed, but she was also funny and—oh, there’s Sugarcube Corner. Perfect.
Rainbow Dash set herself down and stepped through the door. She spotted Pinkie behind the counter, ringing up the sale of a white box resting on the counter wrapped in a red bow. “You’re all set!” Pinkie informed Vinyl Scratch, the town’s local DJ. “Have fun on your date tonight!” Whether Vinyl heard Pinkie through her thick headphones, Rainbow Dash certainly couldn’t tell. She watched the unicorn levitate the box and march out the door without another word.
“Hi, Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie greeted her friend. “I didn’t expect to see you again so soon.”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Yeah, I’m like that. I don’t like ponies to see me coming and going. It ruins the surprise.” Her mind raced for something to talk about. What had Twilight suggested? She’d been so busy talking about that dumb folder of hers that she hadn’t actually given Rainbow Dash any usable advice!
Oh, there was something in there about gifts! She was supposed to get gifts! Which she should have done before she came in! Whoops.
Thinking quickly, Rainbow Dash asked, “Hey, Pinkie, what’s your favorite type of cupcake?”
Pinkie thought for a moment. “This week? It’s cherry-kiwi lemonade surprise!”
Rainbow Dash nodded, taking in that mouthful of a name. “Could you ring me up a dozen of those?”
“Of course!” Pinkie grabbed a box and dashed over to the cupcake stand. The cupcakes in question were bright pink with green bits of kiwi sticking out of them. Rainbow Dash assumed the lemonade part was probably soaked in or something. Neatly arranging a dozen of the cupcakes in the box, Pinkie closed it and returned to the counter with it. “That will be five bits. Anything else I can do for you?”
Rainbow Dash paid her bits, then picked up the box with a hoof. She started at it for a few seconds while she thought about her idea. It didn’t seem like something that made much sense, but it was Pinkie so anything’s worth a shot. “Hey, Pinkie,” she started, then stopped herself. Her nerves were starting to send a shiver through her. She had no idea if this would work, but she wasn’t about to get intimidated now.
“What’s up?”
Rainbow Dash set the box back down on the counter in front of her. “I got you a box of cupcakes. I hope you like it.”
Pinkie opened the box and gasped. “CHERRY-KIWI LEMONADE SURPRISE!!! That’s my favorite this week! How did you know?!”
“I just had a hunch,” Rainbow Dash answered, swelling with pride for her cleverness. “Thought you’d like—uh, Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash was silenced by the sight of Pinkie burying her face in the box, from which only the sounds of gnashing teeth and squeals of joy emerged.
Rainbow Dash watched Pinkie munch and smiled to herself. Yeah, Twilight didn’t know what she was talking about. This was easy.
“She just doesn’t get it!” Twilight shouted. “She thinks she’s got everything figured out, that it’s so easy, but she has no idea how much work goes into this.”
Her wheelchair rest atop one of the hills in Sweet Apple Acres. A thick tome lay open but unattended in her lap. Nearby, Applejack set up one of her baskets under one of the farm’s apple trees while listening to her partner vent.
“Ain’t you supposed to be studyin’?” She asked as politely as she could.
Twilight sighed. She looked down at the tome and realized she’d been so focused on Rainbow Dash that she hadn’t even absorbed the last three pages she’d read. “I know,” she admitted while turning the pages back. “It just bothers me. She also said our compatibility matrix is dumb.”
Applejack rolled her eyes and lined up her kick. “Sugar, I love that it means so much to you, but paperwork don’t flip everypony’s lid like it does yours.” She let her legs fly, slamming the trunk of the tree and bringing a rain of apples down into her baskets.
A sour scowl spread across Twilight’s face and she shoved her eyes back down into her book. Applejack loaded up the first two baskets into her cart in silence, then sighed at Twilight’s sullen pout. “Come on, Twi, don’t be like that.”
Twilight flash a playful smirk before resuming her pouting. “At least my books still love me,” she teased.
Applejack breathed a sigh of relief and picked up her third basket. “Yeah, I seen the looks ‘Complete History of Griffinstone’ keeps givin’ ya.” She heaved the basket into the cart, then lifted a set of three empty ones out of the back. “Somepony better tell it to quit, less it wake up in the pigsty.”
That got a smile out of Twilight, so Applejack took the opportunity to reassert the topic. “I wouldn’t worry about Rainbow none. Pinkie’s about the most harmless pony she could be crushin’ on. They’ll be fine.”
Everything was not fine. An awkward air hung over the storefront. Rainbow Dash’s eyes glanced to the door, then back at Pinkie, then at the door again. She’d run out her short list of conversation topics an hour ago and settled for standing in the corner like a lump while Pinkie helped her customers.
As soon as Bon Bon was out the door with her package, Rainbow Dash weakly offered, “…so…how is that weather?”
Pinkie scratched at the base of her mane. “About as good as it was an hour ago.”
“I should probably go,” Rainbow Dash suggested, starting towards the door.
Pinkie smiled at her. “Aww, alright. Would you like some nookie before you go?”
Sputtering, Rainbow Dash’s attention snapped straight to Pinkie. “What?!”
“I was just about to bake some fresh ones. I always make some extras to put out as samples. When business is slow, I wind up eating the samples anyways, so it’s totally okay if you want a couple.”
“Uh…sure?” It took a moment for Pinkie’s words to click with Rainbow Dash.
Cookies. She asked if I wanted cookies.
Smiling sweetly, Pinkie told her, “Follow me into the kitchen.” For the life of her, Rainbow Dash could not tell if she was being coy or not. She could feel her temperature starting to rise.
Did she say cookies?
Rainbow Dash started to sweat as she followed Pinkie through the door into the kitchen. She remembered the kitchen. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the spot on the counter where Pinkie had started.
She didn’t say cookies. This is happening. This is happening. Be awesome.
Pinkie trotted over to the oven and twisted the dial with her hoof while Rainbow Dash filled herself with as much false confidence as she could muster. Sidling up beside Pinkie, she opened her wing and wrapped it around the party pony’s back.
Pinkie’s head jerked up suddenly at the feeling around her. “Um, what are you--” She was cut off by the sensation of Rainbow Dash’s snout laying kisses on her neck, just as she’d done the previous night. Pinkie tried to pull her neck away but Rainbow Dash’s wing made breaking the embrace difficult. “Hey, no,” she muttered.
Rainbow Dash broke off from Pinkie’s neck. “Somewhere else?” She grinned, then pressed her snout towards Pinkie’s.
That was the breaking point for Pinkie. She pushed Rainbow Dash’s wing off of her and backed away, shouting, “Dashie, STOP!”
That got through to Rainbow Dash. She stayed where she was, dropping onto her haunches, confusion naked on her face. “Stop? This isn’t why you--”
“I was going to make cookies for you.” There was a hurt in Pinkie’s eyes that crushed Rainbow Dash to look at.
She did say cookies. That wasn’t awesome of me.
“I’m sorry! I just thought…you said the kitchen and…after last night…” Every explanation she could think of for what just happened collided in Rainbow Dash’s brain. She shut her snout to end the word casserole emerging from it, then tried again with a simple, “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”
Rainbow Dash could tell that Pinkie was still upset. Her mane had drooped and she was breathing heavily. “I’ll go,” she offered, to which Pinkie slowly nodded. “I’m sorry again.” She made it as far as the kitchen door when Pinkie spoke up.
“Dashie, wait.” Pinkie crossed the kitchen to speak. “I’m glad you had fun, but we can’t do that every day.”
“Why not?” Rainbow Dash asked before she could stop herself. Mentally, she slapped herself.
As though it were the most obvious thing in the world, Pinkie answered, “Because I don’t want to.”
“You’re right, you’re right, that was dumb of me,” Rainbow Dash conceded. “Sorry again.” With those words, Rainbow Dash slunk out the door.
Rainbow Dash’s eyes scanned across the pages, searching desperately for anything that actually made sense. “Although she’s been evasive about her educational credentials, it would be a mistake to call her ignorant. Her talent for organization and structure is one place where our skills complement each other. See graph 3-C.” She laid the paper back down on the table and looked over to Twilight, who beamed triumphantly from her wheelchair as she took a bite of her Hay Burger. “How is any of this supposed to help me?!”
“It’s an example,” Twilight explained. “I want you to take a mental inventory of the traits and activities that you and Pinkie have in common. What are your shared hobbies?”
“Well, we both like pranking ponies,” Rainbow Dash offered.
“I’m aware,” Twilight groused.
“Hmm…” Rainbow Dash rest her head on her hoof, staring back down at Twilight’s complex charts and essays about Applejack. “Well, she’s funny,” she offered weakly.
“Let’s try something else. What did you learn about her yesterday?”
Rainbow Dash let out a groan. “Boundaries are complicated.”
“That’s true. What else?”
“Coming up with stuff to do together is hard.”
“Well, here’s a little advice on that. You don’t always have to be doing the same thing in order to be doing things together. Being with each other still counts even if you both have your own thing to do. Find places where your activities and her activities can intersect.”
Pinkie made one last check over her delivery cart. She had several boxes loaded with a variety of sweets loaded up as well as a few backup streamers and party poppers in case a jubilation emergency struck on the road.
“Are you sure you have everything?” Mr. Cake asked her.
Cheerfully, Pinkie recited, “Three dozen strawberry-banana surprises for Cheerilee’s class, a box of limeade blasts for Matilda and Cranky, and a cupcake variety pack for Lyra.”
Mr. Cake nodded to her. “That’s perfect, Pinkie. Sounds like you’re all set.”
“All set.” Pinkie repeated. She closed the window on her cart and took up her position in the harness. “Back in a jiffy!”
Pinkie trotted down the road, lugging the cart behind her. The sun beamed down on her as she rounded the corner in the school’s direction. She’d volunteered for the delivery to have a chance to get away from the store for a bit. Her mind was still mulling over what had happened last night.
She was still miffed at Rainbow Dash for what she’d done. She felt like Rainbow Dash had taken this nice thing she’d done and now was standing in front of her awkwardly waving. Wait, what? Her train of thought broken, Pinkie skidded to a stop.
“Hey, Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash greeted her weakly. “Uh…how’s life?”
“Good,” Pinkie answered awkwardly.
Rainbow Dash scratched at her mane. “So I was flying around doing my weather patrol and I saw you heading out, and I was thinking hey, I’m outside, you’re outside, maybe we should be outside together?” She punctuated her request by grinning as brightly as she could.
“Hmmmm….” Pinkie put a hoof to her chin, scrutinizing Rainbow Dash’s story. It sounded plausible, but so did pants made of cast-iron and most of Ponyville still hadn’t quite forgiven her for that summer day. Of course, after yesterday, she had to wonder. Narrowing her eyes, she stated, “I’m not going to bed with you today, Dashie.”
“Oh, that’s fine,” Rainbow Dash insisted. “I wasn’t going to ask you to. I just wanted to hang out.”
“Hmmmm….” Pinkie stared at her for a few seconds. She slipped out of her harness and popped over to Rainbow, studying her closely. “HMMM….” Satisfied, Pinkie popped back into her harness and shrugged. “Okie dokie lokie! I’m bringing cupcakes to the school. Want to beat me in a race?”
“Sure! I’ll see you at the school!”
“Not if I see you first!” Pinkie lowered herself on her front legs, steadied herself for speed, and then took off at a mild trot to avoid ruining her delivery pastries. She watched Rainbow Dash blast off, leaving a brief streak behind her. She giggled to herself, happy to be able to have fun with her friend without feeling pressured.
“So you spent the day with Pinkie?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah, we had a blast,” Rainbow Dash answered, resting her head on the table. She didn’t sound convinced at all. “We gave out cupcakes to her customers and then she watched me move clouds around. Real fun.”
Twilight smiled. “What did you learn about her?”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “That dealing with customers is really boring.”
Twilight blinked. “Okay. But did you enjoy it.”
“Yep. Hours of hanging out and I got a firm hoof wave to show for it.”
“Why do you sound disappointed?”
“I’m not disappointed,” Rainbow Dash insisted. “It was great! We chatted awkwardly about all that stuff we didn’t have to talk about! Then she made me a friendship bracelet.” Rainbow Dash raised her wing so that Twilight could see a small, metal band with rainbow colors clipped to it. “Yep, we did real pal stuff. ‘Cause we’re such pals.”
“It’s a good start,” Twilight insisted. “Do you know what Applejack and I did on our first date? We went bowling.”
Rainbow Dash lifted her head so that Twilight could see the eyebrow she was raising. “Bowling? That’s just weird.”
“It’s not the activity that makes it a date,” Twilight explained. “It’s who you’re with. It’s the effort you’re making to get to know the other pony and the feelings that are developing between you. There are plenty of activities you’d do with a friend that can also be a date. It’s all about context.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “What about the context where we’re totally doing it so I’m pretty sure things like ‘dates’ and ‘getting to know each other’ are behind us.”
“Oh, really? What’s Pinkie’s favorite color?”
“Umm…pink, I guess?”
“What’s her favorite dessert?”
“Cupcakes, probably? I think she said something about cherry limes. I wasn’t really paying attention.”
“When is her birthday?”
Rainbow Dash stared blankly at Twilight. She was completely stumped on that one. “I don’t know, okay?! What’s the--”
Twilight cut her off. “Green, apple turnover, and the twelfth day of fall. These are things that you should know about your special somepony. I guarantee Pinkie knows them about you.”
“Hey, that’s not fair,” Rainbow Dash insisted. “Pinkie knows that stuff about everypony. It’s crazy how many details she remembers about this whole town.”
“That’s right. She made the effort to learn everything she could about all of us because that’s how much she cares. The least you can do is learn a few things about her.”
Inside Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie merrily set out her tray of sample cupcakes. Today was going to be a good day, she felt. Mostly because it was a day and most days were always good, but also because she was minding the store, and work always felt good. Except when it was awkward and uncomfortable, but that happened so rarely and she tried not to let it ruin her entire day when it did.
Mrs. Cake watched her set out the samples with pride. “Thank you for minding the store again today,” she told her assistant. “The twins can be such a hoofful sometimes. Is there anything I can do for you before I head upstairs?”
Pinkie shook her head. “No, thank you. It’s just past lunchtime so Dashie should be along soon to be creepy and awkward. I need to get ready to pretend I don’t notice. It’s the polite thing to do.”
Mrs. Cake blinked at Pinkie’s response. “Pinkie, are you and your friend having a problem?”
Pinkie shrugged. “I don’t think so. She’s just been really weird ever since we had sex. I think she’s--”
“Pinkie!” Mrs. Cake shouted. “Do you remember that talk we had about too much information?”
Pinkie pouted. “I’m sorry. Should I not have told you that she’s being weird?”
“No, Pinkie, it’s not…never mind. I’ll see you in a few hours. Have fun!” With those words, Mrs. Cake headed upstairs, shaking her head at that crazy pony.
Pinkie returned to the kitchen and spent the next twenty minutes preparing a fresh batch of cookies. She took them back out to the storefront, laid them on the counter next to the cash register, and counted. Three…two…one…. “Hi Dashie!” Pinkie exclaimed as Rainbow Dash strolled through the front door.
“Hey, Pinkie. What’s your favorite cupcake?”
Pinkie rest her head on a hoof and thought for a minute. “Hmm…this week? I would say it’s probably choco-chocolate cherry cream. Are you going to buy me a box again?”
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Wasn’t it lime something the other day?”
Pinkie waved off the question with her hoof. “Ehh, who can keep track. I change my weekly favorites every other day or so!”
“So then how is it a weekly favorite?”
Pinkie laid on her back on the counter, casting an upside-down glance at Rainbow Dash. “You’re missing the point, Dashie. It’s not about consistency. It’s about fun. I do things ‘cause they’re fun and they make fun for others!” In a blink, Pinkie was gone from the counter. Rainbow Dash felt Pinkie’s forehooves taking steps across her back, each hoofstep punctuated by a word of her singing voice: “Life’s a-bout the jour-ney!”
A shiver ran through Rainbow Dash. She turned to look, but Pinkie was already back at the counter, cheerfully explaining, “Life comes in every flavor and every one of them is unique and special. Where’s the fun in limiting yourself? If I have to have a favorite flavor, that’s fine, but it’s my right to change it whenever I want to try something new.”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes glazed over. She stared at Pinkie, still struck by the tingling sensation of her hooves. “Uh…are we still talking about cupcakes?”
Pinkie shot Rainbow Dash a sly grin. “Do you want to be talking about cupcakes?”
Rainbow Dash stepped closer to the counter, eyes locked on Pinkie’s grin. “Does this mean you aren’t mad about the other day?”
“Nope! Still mad.” Pinkie reached out with a hoof and poked Rainbow Dash on the nose. “You should have asked me first.”
Rainbow Dash reached up to rub her nose, surprised that the tingling Pinkie put in it was still lingering past her tap. What was happening to her? “Wait,” she realized, looking back at Pinkie. “You didn’t ask me that night at the Crystal Empire until we’d already started.”
“I asked you whose room we should go to. What else would I have meant?”
Rainbow Dash hung her head. “Okay, that’s fair. …so if I’d have asked you, then we would’ve--”
“Nope! I told you, I don’t want to do that every day. I want it to be exciting, and it won’t be exciting if it’s a regular thing.”
Rainbow Dash’s face sunk. “But we are going to do it again?” she asked.
“Probably!”
“That’s great!” Rainbow Dash shouted eagerly. “When?”
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “When you stop asking me that question, Dashie. Quit being Twilight and trying to schedule me. I’m not the Friendship Express.”
“So, what did you learn?” Twilight asked hopefully before taking a bite from her hay burger. She was beginning to wonder if these things were habit-forming.
Rainbow Dash let out a groan. “Feelings are complicated.”
“No, I mean about Pinkie.”
“That IS what I learned about Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “I have no idea what’s going on in that pony’s head! She’s mad at me but she’s nice to me. She goes from playful to serious in an instant. She switches topics at the drop of a hoof and half the time I don’t even know what she’s--”
“So, she’s Pinkie,” Twilight summarized.
“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash let out a sigh of frustration. “Why does she have to be so…so….”
“So Pinkie.”
“That!” Rainbow Dash huffed. “Why does she have to be that!”
“Because she’s Pinkie.”
Rainbow Dash rest her head on her hoof and grumbled. “Feelings are so dumb. What am I supposed to do now? Just wait until she turns around and snaps into loving me again? I can barely even talk to her anymore!”
“Hmm….” Twilight pondered Rainbow Dash’s question. Clearly, just having her talk to Pinkie and work out her feelings wasn’t working. It might be time to try something more drastic. “Okay, I have an idea. You’re going to need to do exactly what I tell you to.”
Inside Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie gave a parting wave to Mrs. Cake behind the counter. Her saddlebags were secured around her and she was ready to go. “Thanks for giving me the day,” she said to her employer.
Mrs. Cake gave her a warm smile. “You’re welcome, Pinkie. It’s the least I could do after you were so much help yesterday.”
Trotting out the door, Pinkie headed out towards the market. “Hi, Dashie,” she greeted her friend without even checking to be sure she was there.
“Pinkie!” came an answer from above. Rainbow Dash fluttered down towards the ground, hovering a few feet above it. “I didn’t expect to see you here! What random, wacky happenstance!”
“Happenstance?” Pinkie tested the word on her lips. It didn’t quite taste like a Rainbow Dash word. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Of course, I am!” Rainbow Dash grinned. “I was just floating by being awesome and then I looked and I was like, whoa! Is that Pinkie down there?!”
“Yep, it’s me!” Pinkie answered. “Right here in front of Sugarcube Corner! Where I work. And live. Surprise!”
“I know!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “It’s so wild. Who would have thought? So where are you going?”
“Oh, I was just popping over to the market to pick up supplies. I’m catering a birthday party in a couple of days and I wanted to get started on my crafts.”
“The market? That’s great!” Rainbow Dash dropped to the ground in front of Pinkie. “I’m going to the market! So if you’re going to the market and I’m going to the market, then maybe we should go to the market together!”
“That sounds like a great idea!” Pinkie exclaimed. “What are you getting?”
Rainbow Dash blinked. She and Twilight hadn’t discussed that part. “I need…stuff….”
“Ooh, I love stuff!” Pinkie started off towards the marketplace, musing aloud. “It’s not as cool as things, though. Things are a lot of fun. In a pinch, I guess I’d go for junk, but that’s kind of a last resort, you know?”
Rainbow Dash kept pace beside her. “Oh, I know! I know exactly what you mean!” She had no idea what Pinkie was talking about, but whatever kept her talking was fine.
“Thank you for coming with me.” Twilight propelled her wheelchair as she and Applejack journeyed through the bustling marketplace, navigating the sea of ponies. Applejack wore the harness of the cart she pulled through the street, loaded up with apples.
“Nah, t’weren’t nothin’,” Applejack insisted. “Got my deliveries to make anyhow. Surprised at you, though. Don’t Spike usually do your shoppin’?”
“I wanted to give him a break,” Twilight answered. It wasn’t entirely a lie. She did feel bad about how hard she worked him at times. “Besides, it’s nice to get out and do some of the chores for myself every now and then. Maybe I could try making a pie more than once every couple decades.”
“I’d be happy to teach ya. You, uh…you lookin’ for somethin’ particular?” Twilight cursed to herself. Applejack had noticed her making searching glances across the market.
“Nothing out of the ordinary,” Twilight answered as she led Applejack around a corner. Where is…there! She spotted Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie coming down the road of stalls towards them. “Oh!” she shouted in mock surprise. “Rainbow Dash and Pinkie! I wasn’t expecting to see either of you here. What random, wacky happenstance!”
Pinkie narrowed her eyes. “That seems like a popular phrase today.”
Applejack matched her skepticism. “Alright, what in sam hill have y’all cooked up?”
“Nothing! Of course!” Twilight gave her friends the most innocent smile she could muster. Looking at Rainbow Dash, she offered, “But since we’re here and you’re both here, maybe we could all go to dinner together. It’d be a great chance for all of us to bond.” She shot a pointed look at Rainbow Dash, adding, “And maybe get to know each other a little more.”
“That sounds like a great idea!” Rainbow Dash agreed. “I’m all for this amazing idea that I knew nothing about before we came here! Pinkie, what do you think?”
“Um…okie dokie lokie?” Pinkie cocked her head to the side, looking from Twilight to Rainbow Dash and trying to figure out what she was missing here.
“Great!” Twilight exclaimed. “If everypony agrees to this idea I just had a moment ago with absolutely no planning, then how about we all meet at the Café Hay in a couple hours?”
Before Rainbow Dash could agree, Applejack interrupted. “Can y’all pardon us a second?” Slipping out of her harness, Applejack took the handles of Twilight’s wheelchair and scooted her around the corner of the cart. Whispering out of earshot, she asked, “What the hay do ya think you’re doin’, Twilight?”
“Rainbow Dash is having trouble talking to Pinkie,” Twilight explained. “She needs us to help nudge her along.”
“So, you’re meddlin’,” Applejack summarized.
“What? No, I’m not,” Twilight insisted. “I’m trying to help our friends. They’re a really cute couple and I think this could be really good for both of them. Pinkie cares a lot about others and Rainbow Dash cares a lot about herself so it works! They can both focus entirely on Rainbow Dash – wow, that sounds really awful when I say it out loud.” Twilight’s face scrunched up as she considered her words.
“So, you’re meddlin’,” Applejack repeated.
“Yes, but it’s for a good cause. The cause of having another couple that we can go out and do couple things with. Do you know when our last double date was? Never. It was never. Because none of our friends has a special somepony.”
“This still don’t feel right.” Applejack took a look around the cart at Pinkie and Rainbow. Rainbow seemed to be laughing at something Pinkie said. They always had seemed to be getting along pretty well and, she realized, it might be a good chance for Rainbow Dash to learn a bit of humility. “Alright, sugar. I’ll go along with it.”
“Great! I’m sure it’s going to be a lot of fun for everypony.”
Two hours later, the four mares met at the Café Hay. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash had taken their seats at the table opposite Applejack and Twilight, respectively. Twilight beamed happily from her side of the table while Applejack’s nervousness was plain on her face. Pinkie didn’t seem to notice, however, and Rainbow Dash was too absorbed in her story to tell.
“So then Pinkie shoved her whole face in the box. She hit those cupcakes like a lawnmower made of teeth. It was disgusting, but also kind of cool.” To complement Rainbow’s story, Pinkie proudly made biting motions at the air.
Twilight giggled. “That’s our Pinkie Pie.”
Despite her concerns, Applejack spotted an opening to join the conversation. “How ‘bout this?” She shot a look at Twilight, continuing, “Y’all ever seen a pony wipe her snout with her hay burger and then stuff it down her gullet?”
“What?” Pinkie laughed. “Twilight, that’s awful!”
“Yeah, I’ve seen that too,” Rainbow Dash added. “You told me at the ball that you can’t compete with me and AJ, but I think the messiest eater award’s yours, Twilight.”
Twilight blushed. “I’m not that bad.”
Resting a comforting hoof on her shoulder, Applejack teased, “I love ya, Twi, but you’re liable to give Rares a heart attack, she sees you stuffin’ your snout like a half-starved hog in harvest season.”
Twilight playfully narrowed her eyes. “Oh, you want to talk about culinary crimes?”
“You wouldn’t.”
Looking back across the table at Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, Twilight asked, “Do you girls remember the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness?”
Pinkie immediately clicked to what Twilight was saying. “Applejack! You didn’t!”
Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, took a moment to catch up. “You mean that big cake we had to deliver to Canterlot?”
Sheepishly, Applejack removed her hat and put it over her chest. “Yeah, I might’ve had a nibble or two at it.”
Pinkie’s jaw hit the table. “But-but-but you’re supposed to be the most honest pony I know!”
“Hey, I still am,” Applejack insisted. Proudly, she boasted, “You don’t got to lie if’n you ain’t caught.”
Twilight nodded. “She told me the truth later that night.”
“I don’t get it.” Rainbow Dash rubbed her chin with her hoof. “How did you, of all ponies, figure out how to get past Twilight’s sleuthing skills?”
Grinning, Applejack answered, “Practice.”
Twilight trotted into the library and slumped down beside the table. The Hearth’s Warming play had taken quite a lot out of her and she was looking forward to a good night’s sleep. Something, however, caught her attention on the table. A small, unmarked package rest in the center, oriented away from her.
“Spike?” she called out behind her.
Closing the door behind him, Twilight’s assistant entered the library. “What is it?”
“Do you know where this box came from?”
Spike hopped up on the table to take a closer look. The box was tan with a simple red blow wrapped around it. “I think it might be a present?” he concluded. “Maybe it’s from Applejack?”
Summoning her magic, Twilight carefully untied the bow, then pulled it off and set the string to the side. She levitated the lid off the box, but found nothing inside. “Huh. Well, that’s disappointing.”
“Hey Twilight, look!” Spike pointed at the inside of the lid. Written on the underside was a simple passage:
Round in circles, there I go
Ringin’ what you need to know
Sleep at night, the darkest time
Til mornin’ when you hear my chime
“Oooooo,” Twilight trilled at the riddle. “It’s obviously the clock tower, but this is really sweet of her.” Standing up from the table, Twilight felt a second wind take her. The box had enticed her curiosity. Levitating her deerstalker hat from a nearby shelf, Twilight fixed it firmly to her head and started for the door. “Come on, Spike! There’s a mystery ahoof! Another clue awaits!”
“You are an evil genius!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
Twilight, however, was less than thrilled. “That’s what those scavenger hunts were about? I just thought you were being romantic!”
Recognizing she may have been a little too honest just now, Applejack quickly tried to change the subject. “So, Pinkie, you got any funny stories ‘bout Rainbow?”
“We are not done talking about this,” Twilight muttered to herself, laying back in her wheelchair and folding her forelegs in front of her chest with a huff.
Pinkie thought about the question. “Well, there was this one time when we all dressed up to teach her about humility.”
“Yeah, we were there for that,” Applejack replied.
“Hmm…what about that time we were in that play together?”
“Pinkie,” Twilight addressed her friend diplomatically, coming out of her huff. “We’re not sharing group stories. Has anything fun or exciting happened with Rainbow Dash since you started seeing each other?”
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “We’ve seen each other since I came to Ponyville.” She whispered to Twilight, “She leaves a rainbow streak in the sky. It’s hard to miss.”
Applejack shook her head. “She’s talkin’ about what’s happened since y’all became a couple.”
“Wait, what?” Pinkie sat straight up, scrutinizing Applejack’s face to see if this was supposed to be some kind of gag. Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t find the joke. “Nonono,” she corrected, “We are not a couple. What in Equestria gave you that idea, you silly billies?”
“Hold on, how are we not a couple?!” Rainbow Dash demanded. “We had SEX!” Twilight choked on a glass of water as Rainbow Dash shouted. “TWICE!” she added, to the consternation of patrons at nearby tables who were beginning to look over towards them.
Applejack patted Twilight on the back to help her cough up the water she’d inhaled. “Maybe this ain’t the best topic for dinner.”
“Did I say something wrong?” Pinkie asked sweetly. “I’m sorry, everypony.”
“It’s fine, Pinkie,” Applejack assured her. Shooting a pointed glance at Rainbow Dash, she continued, “I’m sure y’all can work things out later. Not in public, if ya can.”
Oblivious to the pointed remark, Rainbow Dash asked, “Did I do something? Did I forget to do something? What--”
“Careful!” Savoir Faire arrived in the nick of time with trays full of fresh food. “It’s all fresh off the stove and quite hot!”
“Oh, thank Celestia.” Twilight breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that food would do what common sense apparently could not.
“This is where we got to part ways,” Applejack told their guests as she wheeled Twilight down the road towards the farm.
“Thanks for coming out tonight,” Twilight said. “It was…eye-opening. In more ways than one.”
“Thanks for inviting us!” Pinkie answered her. “I had a great time. We should do this more often. Maybe we can invite Rarity and Fluttershy next time!”
“Yeah,” Twilight tentatively agreed. “That would be okay.” That Pinkie had completely missed the point was now apparent to everypony, but it wasn’t up to her to clear it up. Obviously, she and Rainbow Dash had a lot of talking to do.
“Have a good night, y’all.” With those words behind her, Applejack pushed Twilight’s wheelchair into the evening dusk.
“Here, I’ll walk you home,” Rainbow Dash offered.
“Sure.” Pinkie chuckled as they started walking. “Can you believe those sillies?” She still couldn’t wrap her mind around how Twilight and Applejack got the impression that she and Rainbow Dash were dating. Oh, and Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash seemed to think…oh, that’s right. That still needed to be dealt with. “You’re not still being all silly too, are you?”
“I don’t get you,” Rainbow Dash admitted.
“What’s to get? We fooled around. It’s not the end of the world.”
“That!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Right there! That’s what’s weird. Pinkie, that night was amazing. I still can’t get over some of the things we did.” She stopped in front of Sugarcube Corner, putting a hoof out to Pinkie’s shoulder. “You shared so much of yourself that night. You opened up to me in a way that no one ever has before. I’ve been stumbling over myself trying to make it make sense.”
“Hold on,” Pinkie pulled away from Rainbow Dash. “What do you mean no one has? You don’t mean….” The realization hit her like fireworks in her brain, raining down streamers of understanding. “Was I your first?”
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash admitted. “But that’s okay!”
Horrified, Pinkie shook her head. “No, it’s not! I am so sorry, Dashie.”
“Sorry? For what? I don’t think you get it.” Rainbow Dash stepped towards her, closing the gap Pinkie’d put between them. She reached a hoof out and brushed the side of Pinkie’s face. “Look, I don’t read a bunch of stuffy romance books like Rarity...or write them for some reason like Twilight…but I know me. And I know I really like the way you reached out to me.”
“I’m sorry because I--” Pinkie cut herself off suddenly, “Why do you keep saying it like that?”
“Look, this isn’t easy for me. I don’t really like all this mushy stuff. But I wanted you to know I’ve thought about it and, yeah, I think this could be really good for me. I know what you’re feeling ‘cause I’m feeling it too.” Rainbow Dash hesitated, struggling with the words on the tip of her tongue.
“What are you--”
In a burst, she said it. “I love you too, Pinkie!”
RED ALERT. RED ALERT. THIS IS THE PANIC ALARM. ALL HOOVES OFF DECK AND PREPARE FOR PANIC. THIS FRIENDSHIP IS GOING DOWN!
Pinkie began to hyperventilate as her mind struggled to process what Rainbow Dash had said to her. Rainbow Dash loved her? That couldn’t be right at all. It had to be that night at the Ball. She’d done something awful to Rainbow Dash and didn’t even realize it. She had to fix this. There had to be a way to fix this!
But there wasn’t one here. Not now. She had no idea what she was going to do and couldn’t begin to imagine a solution. She needed help. She needed Rarity or Twilight or somepony to help her figure this out. She needed time.
“Pinkie, are you okay?” Rainbow Dash asked her. “You don’t have to worry anymore. I told you what I’m feeling.”
She needed time. She needed all of this to go away. She needed to be doing anything but having this conversation right now, anything but swimming in this ocean of questions with no answers.
“Dashie?” she asked weakly. “…would you like to come upstairs with me?”
Pinkie could practically feel the jolt of excitement that burst through Rainbow Dash in response to her question. “You mean…?”
She nodded. “Mmhmm.”
“That’d be awesome!” Rainbow Dash raced up the two stairs to the front door before she stopped and looked back at Pinkie, still standing at the bottom. “Is something wrong?”
Truthfully, a lot of things were wrong and Pinkie had no idea how to even begin fixing them. She wasn’t even sure if this distraction would work or if she was just making things worse. The only thing she was sure of was that it was too late to try and take back everything that brought her here now. The best she could think of now was what she was best at: try to make her dear friend smile.