'I Hate Ponies!'

by Scripture


Madness! Madness, I Say!

'I Hate Ponies!'


By: Scripture




Chapter 7: Madness! Madness, I Say!

Bump-bump

“Huh?”

Bump-bump-bump

“What… what is going on here?”

Bump-bump-bump-bump-bump-bu-

“JOHNATHAN!”

I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead I’m SO dead…

And yet, it never came. The giant leg, the gnashing teeth, the green body. None of it came. I just sat there, shivering and shaking, my eyes closed, preparing for the worse things that could possibly happen to me. Nothing happened though, making me wonder if all my worry was for naught.

Of course, it most certainly was.

Being a bit braver than usual, I peeked open an eyelid to check what had stopped our pursuer from charging a few more inches and tearing us piece from piece. What I saw should have been expected, but even still, the whole scene was incredibly… well... bizarre, to say the least.

The… thing, whatever it was, was lying on its back, it’s terribly long claws and legs sticking straight up in the air. The creature’s head curled away from a small yellow form on top of its stomach, staring down at it with such tenacity that even indirectly I could feel it. Being the brony I was, I was having a total fan moment as I had front row seats to watch Fluttershy use her signature move…

The Stare.

“No friggin way…” Xavier muttered next to me against what was left of the tree. He too had opened his eyes to the very odd scene before us. “What… what the FUCK?! Is she just… staring at the fuckin thing?!” He shook his head, not believing what he was seeing. “No, no, no, no, no… that isn’t possible…”

Cocking an eyebrow, I was about to console my friend when Fluttershy suddenly flittered over to us, examining us closely and intently. “Oh my! I am so sorry about Johnathan’s behavior!” The shy pegasus looked behind her at the now-rolled over beast, whose yellow eyes stared at us curiously instead of hungrily. “You see, you must have stepped on his sore back, and it made him very very angry. Poor Johnathan has been having such-“

“JOHNATHAN?!”

Fluttershy and I both recoiled from the explosive scream coming from the dark blue unicorn beside me. His teeth were clenched and his eyes were wide. I bit my lip. I could tell he was terrified. So incredibly terrified.

Calmly standing up now, I stood next to Fluttershy, warily looking at my friend. Johnathan behind us snorted a bit through his nostrils as he squinted his eyes, growling lowly at the unicorn who also took up a standing position

Xavier, however, did not care and glared down at the three of us; fear and confusion plastered across his face.

“You live in a fricken cottage at the edge of the woods, full of fuckin dirty ass critters!” Fluttershy cringed a bit and Xavier stepped forward. “This place is inhabited by TALKING PONIES! And I got transformed into one of THEM!”

He indicated himself now with a hoof, then looked at his hoof and shoved it in my face. “I DON’T EVEN HAVE FRICKIN FINGERS NOW!” Poking his horn with a hoof, he continued. “All I have is a horn. A FUCKING HORN DUDE! I’M A FUCKING UNICORN IN A SHITTY GIRL'S CARTOON!”

Fluttershy was now shaking profusely, huddling herself into a yellow and pink ball beside me. I glared at my friend a few feet in front of me, wondering what the hell had gotten over him. Johnathan growled again as Xavier took another step forward, which only surprised the creature as Johnathan growled back at him. “And THAT thing, that… that… JOHNATHAN! He doesn’t exist!” Xavier shook his head a bit, hitting himself with a hoof. “He looks like some kind of Asparagus Monster or something…”

“He’s a mandrake!” Fluttershy squeaked from her balled up self.

Xavier stood there, numbly staring at Fluttershy, as if merely speaking was an atrocity on Earth. “What…” He creaked his neck to the side a bit, squinting his eyes slightly as he craned his neck towards her. “What did you just say…?” His voice was barely above a whisper but hissed with vehemence.

The pegasus pony shivered more and covered her head with her hooves to try and stop the convulsions. “He-he-he is a m-mandrake… A p-plant dr-dragon hybr-brid that-“

Unexpectedly, Xavier chuckled. It was forced and weak, but to the three of us before him, it sent chills up our spines. I gazed at my friend, who twitched his head once as if spasming, and smiled madly in my direction. “Hehehe… he he.. he he he he he ha ha ha HAHAHAHAHA!”

And I had thought that Pinkamena Diane Pie had a crazy sense of humor…

“A mandrake, Hmmmm?” he hummed maliciously, taking a step back. “Dragons? Fuckin Unicorns? Pegasuses? Why not have a frickin manticore show up for tea and some shitty ass crumpets next, righty-o? I believe that would be just a SWELL idea!”

The yellow mare was shivering so bad now, I thought she might have gotten the chills. Johnathan, being called “not real”, didn’t really sit well with him. He got up now, growling viciously, and began to approach my friend.

I didn’t even know I had moved when I suddenly realized I had gotten between the mandrake and Xavier, staring Xavier in the eye. “Dude… Calm. The. Fuck. Down. We are both in the situation together, and I think that we may be able to-“

“You’re not real.”

Honestly, I had to do a double take from that sentence. “...Huh? What the hell are you talking-”

The psychotic in front of me smiled softly and shrugged. “You’re not real. Simple as that.” He leaned closer into me and smirked. “You are not, nor will you ever be, Jack.” He chuckled slightly, his grin breaking out again. “You… you are only Silver Jack. You are like Jack. You speak like Jack. You sound like Jack. Fuck, you even SMELL like Jack.” His grin broke down into a frown, his teeth baring slightly. “But fuck you, you ARE NOT JACK!“

With a roar, Johnathan suddenly began to charge at Xavier from behind me but before I could do anything, we were both suddenly blasted back by a sudden wave of… well, the only way I could possibly describe it was force. It was like the feeling you have when you’re on a rollercoaster and speeding rapidly, your back flattening against the seat behind you. Now, imagine that, except it was blasted at you in one smooth wave. That’s what it felt like.

Needless to say, the two of us got propelled backwards by the sudden blast and flew over Fluttershy who was still curled up tightly on the ground. I tumbled across the ground a bit, legs flailing about. Although bumped and bruised, I got up relatively quickly emitting only a few groans from my lips, and faced where Xavier was.

My heart jolted however when I noticed somepony had suddenly disappeared...

I just lost my friend… who is starting to go insane… has magical powers… doesn’t give a damn about me or this world… and now he is loose in Equestria…

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”

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“They said I was crazy… Everypony said I was nuts!” A maddening grin spread across her face as she galloped alongside Applejack. “Now… we get to see who REALLY is nuts around here! WAHAHAHA!”

AJ looked behind her for a second, cocking an suspicious eyebrow in the other mare’s direction. “Uh… Lyra? Y’all soundin a bit nutty right now, honestly…”

Lyra blinked once in confusion and chuckled softly. “Ehhehe… sorry… I’m just kinda happy right now, you know?” Her face scrunched up in determination as she ran. “If these ponies are humans turned equine, that would be… phenomenal!” She nearly squealed in delight at the prospect, her eyes shining now. “But even if they aren’t, they could be interested in humans as well and other stallions liking humans? Well...” This time she DID squeal in delight, making a few ponies heads turn in their direction.

“Hush sugarcube!” AJ hissed through her teeth. “I don’t know anythin about them… for all I know, they could be some more of ‘em changelings wantin some revenge on us!” She sighed and steered right, leading them out of Ponyville.

The musician pondered the idea for a second and shrugged a bit. “Nah. I doubt it. The little ones aren’t exactly bright enough to do that… plus, why would they do anything right now? Nothing is going on after all… what would be to gain?” AJ was a bit taken back from the logic involved there, but didn’t deny it and simply pressed on.

I wonder… I didn’t see them in town, so could they have taken a wrong turn somewhere? I wonder if-

Suddenly, blasting through the sky by the Everfree Forest treeline, was an large oak tree, spiraling through the air where it landed in the ground. Its limbs splayed everywhere as they broke off and dug into the soft soil. Surprisingly, it was making some good sliding distance.

“What in tarnation?!” Applejack skidded to a halt, grinding some dirt under her hooves. Lyra, not catching the sudden stop in time, flew by her initially until she rounded back to AJ. Both of them watched the tree skided its last few yards until it finally came to a complete stop in the middle of a grassy field.

Lyra’s jaw dropped a bit at the spectacle, even though she only saw the end, and looked at AJ. “I’m honestly not sure if humans would be THAT strong, but- Hey!”

The cowmare sped off in the direction of the tree, immensely curious as to what could have done something so powerful as to launch an entire tree. Lyra, sighing a bit, galloped away to catch up with the eager pony, although she was equally as curious as her orange partner. Welp. She thought cheerfully. At least today is going to be rather exciting, eh?

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Scritch-scritch-scratch-scri-

“Come on, we have waited for a while now! Can’t we-“

“I said soon!”

“…”

“…”

“…Fine. I will wait. But my patience is running thin…”

Scritch-scratch

A smile, wide, brilliant, and devilish, flashed at its companion. “Don’t worry… Your patience will not go unrewarded…”

Snort

“If you say so…”











A/N

Welp. Honestly i must say, a bit different from the usual chapters in terms of content... Honestly, i need a bit more of an edge for Xavier and, well, now i have one for him! :) Anyways, i already have a lot of stuff planned and this chapter is REALLY gonna help things move along in those regards~ :P Gotta figure a way to get more comedy into this... Ah well!

I hoped you enjoyed it! See y'all with the next chapter :)