//------------------------------// // Ch 5: Twilight time // Story: Torn // by pixelbit5 //------------------------------// "Before we begin, I will have to inform you that this job is not for the faint of heart." "Twilight." "You will face many dangers unbeknownst to ponykind." "Twilight." "Dog-eared pages, bent spines, late returns!" "Twilight please stop." "You will know hardships of which you have never felt before!" "TWILIGHT!" Twilight finally stops her pacing and turns to me. "Yes, Black Light?" She's been doing this for a while now; marching back and forth in front of me, occasionally spouting dialogue not unlike my commanding officer back at the hive. I roll my eyes. "Twilight, I'm volunteering to be your library assistant, not join the royal guard. Just try to tone down the drill sergeant, okay? You're freaking me out." And all I wanted to do was sit here in the library on my beanbag, and read this entomology book, but no, the universe just had to interrupt my perfectly quiet morning. Twilight sighs and moves to sit down next to me on another one of the beanbags scattered throughout the library. "Sorry Black Light, I'm just excited to finally have a second in command, and I don't think ponies realise how difficult running a library is!" "What about Spike?" I ask, closing my book. Eh, Twilight kinda pulled me out of it anyway. Twilight shifts her gaze down the hall and into the kitchen, barely visible, where I can see Spike fixing himself some breakfast. Pancakes again. Seriously, what is this family's deal with pancakes? Twilight gives an almost motherly smile. "He's great, and I love him, but sometimes I worry." She turns back to me. "He overworks himself, and he tells me that he doesn't mind, but he's still a kid. He needs to go out and spend time with his friends, not cooped up in here sorting books all day." Okay, wow. When I first read the files on Spike, I thought that he was just some sort of glorified drone for Twilight, the way Chrysalis has hers. But even now, I can taste the love she has for him, and it's strong. It goes way beyond a mutual benefit, and I can sense that she really does care for him as if they were biological family. Huh. When I get back to the hive, I'm definitely going to have to make some additions to the files. "You guys want any pancakes?" Spike yells down the hall. "Two please!" Twilight shouts back. "I'm good!" I yell, settling back into my beanbag. Twilight smiles and raises an eyebrow. "Not hungry?" I shake my head. "Nah. Already had breakfast when got up. Oh, and I hope you don't mind, but I raided your fridge. Don't worry though, you won't even know I was there." Lies, of course. Just gonna say it again, changelings can't eat solid food. Twilight smiles again and moves to stand up. "Alright, but if you change your mind…" she trails off, stepping towards the door. Glancing back, she gives me a little wave that I can't help but return. You know, this might sound a bit weird, but I really think that our kind was wrong about ponies. I mean, there will always be the occasional douchebag, every species has those, but really, I think that we've misjudged these people. Just look at me, just over a day spent with these squishy fursacks and I've gone all soft. I can only imagine what will happen after I've spent a week or two with them. Yup. Mhmm. I like ponies. Ponies are good. You know, this is nice. Just zone out for a while and sort a few books. Gives me time to think, and after the insanity of yesterday, I think I really need this sort of thing, especially with my entire idea of ponies shoved headlong down the drain. I actually feel a bit guilty, putting this entire society into a box like I did. I really should have known that not all of these creatures were selfish, self-centered bigots. It didn't take long to memorise the Dewey decimal system, it's mostly just numbers and codes, and I like that sort of thing. Of course, without my magic, it is quite a bit harder, what with the twenty-foot tall shelves and all, but at least Twilight had the decency to put a bunch of ladders everywhere. You know the ones, the ones on wheels that you can ride along the shelves. And yes, they are as fun as they look. Kind of makes me miss my wings though. My horn might not work, but my wings are perfectly okay. Gonna have to admit, I've been tempted to shift back and flitter up to get up to some of the higher shelves, but at this point, I think it would be smarter not to. I have seen quite a few citizens of this candy-colored fantasy town wander in here, and, much to my disdain, they always seem to have some time to take out of their day to come over and have a chat. How considerate of them… Then after introducing myself and shooing them off to wherever they want to get to, I can finally get back to my work. Kind of gets you thinking about these creatures, and how they would react if they knew the real me. Would they run? Hide? Scream as loud as they could? With our reputation, I wouldn't blame them for grabbing anything they could get their hooves on and hunting me down like I was some kind of monster. … Am I a monster? Sometimes I wish I wasn't like this. Black chitin exoskeleton, jagged hooves, fangs… It's not me. This is me. Black light the unicorn. When I'm him, I can just let loose. I can be myself more than I ever could around my own kind. I can be me. I can be happy. But if I'm not careful, all of this could come crumbling down around me. All the friends I've made and have yet to make could turn on me in a heartbeat, and honestly… well, the thought terrifies me. They would chase me out of town just like they would any of my kind, leaving me to head over to the next town to try again with a new face… And with so many faces, I think I might have lost myself along the way… Maybe I am a monster, something that would be better left forgotten, just a bad dream, the monster under the bed. An insect, incomplete and born in flame, built only to deceive; a parasite that feeds off the life essence of the people that cares for them and then leaves them to die. … Note to self, tone down the melodrama. Seriously, where did all that come from? All I'm doing here is sorting some books for Chrysalis' sake! Eh, I've only got a few more to go here anyway. Volume twenty-seven of the Complete Encyclopedia of Equestria? That would go in the reference section, a Daring Do fanfiction by somepony called Rainbow Dash, that would go in the trash with the rest, seriously, fanfic writers are losers, and finally, The Rise and Fall of the Two Sisters, slip that into the history section. There! Feels nice to be done. Four hundred and ninety-two books sorted, and all in just over an hour! I'd say that that's a pretty good time, considering the whole lack of magic on my part. I'm willing to bet I could cut that time in half when my horn has healed. I bet I could do it in fifteen minutes! Yeah! I bet I could- "Hello?" Holy hell! Ugh! Why do these hideous fleshbags keep sneaking up on me!? I swear, it's like they enjoy seeing me jump out of my shell! Okay Peek, calm down, regain your composure, and stop gritting your teeth. Seriously. It's starting to hurt. Might need to go see a dentist. Okay, we're good. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Could have fooled me. I shake my head, giving the least annoyed chuckle I can manage. "No, don't worry about it. It's my fault. I just zoned out for a minute is all." Not my fault. Standing before me is a purple unicorn mare, not unlike Twilight. Heck, she could probably pass as Twilight if not for the blue streaks in her mane. "What can I help you with?" "Oh, I'm not a patron." she waves a hoof at me. "I live here. My name is Starlight Glimmer." She gives a bit of a smile, but I can feel the nervousness surrounding her. I mean, I don't think I'm that scary in this form, heck, I tried to make myself a bit approachable, as much as I loathe the idea of it. Each new relationship is a leg up to toppling Twilight, after all. I might not hate the mare, but I do still have a mission to complete. Plus, these talking marshmallows are basically giant balls of love. Noling's going hungry tonight. I nod, giving a smile of my own. "I'm Black Light, Twilight's new assistant." "Y-you're Twilight's new assistant?" Starlight stammers, nervousness quickly growing. "She didn't tell me about wanting a new assistant…" I shrug, trying to subtly calm her down. "It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing. I moved here, needed a job, and Twilight was nice enough to offer me one in the library!" She nods, nervousness building. Seriously, what happened to this mare? "Well, I... um..." she casts her eyes downwards. "Bye then..." Huh. Weird mare. I guess I could pry a bit, you know, get a couple details and maybe try to help her? I mean, it wouldn't be hard. Changelings are pretty much masters if emotion, feeding off it and all. It would probably be more effective than any therapy any pony could provide for her. She would become a better source of love, after all. It's not like I would enjoy helping Starlight or anything, just looking out for myself. Anyway, back to my job. Twilight doesn't pay me to stand around doing nothing! ...Heh. I'm working for a pony. To think that I, a proud changeling, would work under one of those ridiculous puff balls. And even though it's Twi, and she's not all that bad, the thought of working under someone like her, well, if it were anyone but her, it would probably be a bit humiliating. Wait... If it were anyone but Twilight? What makes her of all ponies different? Sure she's a princess and all, but if anything, that would make it more humiliating to work under her... And I'm working under her. We're not equals, she's my boss! And yet I feel nothing against her! Why don't I hate her? I have every right to, I mean, I... Oh. Great. I feel like facehoofing so hard I crack my chitin. I'm bonding. With the Princess... Oh Chrysalis, what is wrong with me? Raised to hate them more than anything, but when one shows you the tiniest scrap of kindness, you become some sort of love-bug. Ugh. I'm no better than those stupid rainbow deserter changelings... But is that really any bad? I mean, I didn't think it was possible, but I... Just say it Peek, no matter how vile it sounds... I like Twilight, and Fluttershy, and... Well, not so much Pinkie, she kinda freaks me out... But Rarity, even if she is a bit of a snob, she's nice enough... And Starlight, I hardly know her, but I still want to help her... Maybe I'm just confused... I think I'll take some time out to think about this, my shift is almost over, after all, and the library is set to close in a couple minutes. Yeah. Just give it time, Peek, and it will all sort itself out. I just need a little time... Okay, I think I've come to a decision. I've sat here behind a locked door in Twi's guest room for what must have been over an hour now, shifting back and forth between Black Light and my natural form, not really knowing which one I really want to be. On one hoof, I could have friends, a job, an amazing little town to live in, and my own little life where I can finally be happy, where I matter as more than just a part in an ever-moving machine. But on the other hoof, I could have my family, a place where I can fit in, a place where my brothers and sisters won't judge me for being me... for being Peek. Where I won't get chased out of town, drowning in death threats as the people I once loved turn on me in an instant... They choice seems simple, why take the chance? Why risk death just to remain around beings that would kill me on sight if I just showed who I truly am? Just get in, destabilise Twilight's friendships, ruin her life, and get out without her ever knowing that I was the one responsible... But I don't want to do that... I don't want Twilight to be in pain because of me, and I don't want to ruin anyling's life! In the short time I've been here, I've found beings that care about me... or, they care about Black Light at least... But where do I stop being Peek and start being Black Light? For now at least, I think I'll stay as Black Light the unicorn. Right now, I couldn't really care less about what Chrysalis would say. Sorry mother, but I've made my choice, for now at least. Ugh. It's gotten dark. I should get to bed. Maybe I should check on Twilight first though. Just to make sure she's not still studying. The mare needs a break every once in a while. And yes, she's my friend. I'm not going to let my species determine who I can be. If I want to be a friendly unicorn that works in the library, then I will be a friendly unicorn that works in the library. So, shifting back into my disguise, I unlock the door, walking quietly down the dimly lit halls of Twilight's castle, small crystals in the wall illuminating the walls in a dim violet light. It's funny how much I've come to see this castle as my home, even if I'm only living here until I find my own place. Walking down these crystal halls, passing by the main balcony, leading out into Luna's brilliant violet night, it just feels right. Heh. A changeling using Luna and brilliant in the same sentence... who would have thought it? Eventually, I come across Twilight's bedroom and, cracking open the door, I can see Twilight passed out at her desk, head resting on an open book, candle burning low. I sigh and give a quiet chuckle, moving over to Twilight's side. She looks peaceful. Not very comfortable, but peaceful all the same. So, blowing out the candle, I carefully lift up the sleeping Twilight and move her over to her bed. Sure, it's not easy, carrying a full grown mare on your back, but I don't mind. Though, magic would certainly make this substantially easier. Gingerly placing Twilight's form on her bed, I pull the sheets up to her chin and watch her unconsciously snuggle up to the covers. Shifting back into my natural form, I look down on her with my blue, insectoid eyes. You know, for a walking marshmallow, she's actually quite pretty. "Good night Twilight." I say quietly, taking a bookmark from her desk, placing it in her book, and moving it to her bedside table. "My friend." I sigh with a small smile as I make my way slowly out of the room. Making my way out the door, I close it softly, a small click ringing through the air. It seems I just can't get rid of this smile. What are these ponies doing to me? This is the best I've felt in what has to be years, simply at peace with myself, nothing to worry about. No mission, no Chrysalis, nothing. Just me, Twi, and this little town that I've found myself at home in. Turning to head back to my room, I freeze, eyes wide. My gentle smile disappears faster than you would believe, and my throat chokes up. In front of me is Spike, eyes wide and mouth moving, as if to say something but not being able to find the words. I look down at myself and see my natural form. Jet black chitin, fangs, the lot. And Spike is staring straight at me. Buck.