Spike stared at the girl sitting in Twilight's throne. "So...that's your castle?"
"Apparently."
"As in, this castle. This one right here. The one we're standing in."
"Yep."
"The one I woke up in this morning. The one with the ice cold toilets."
"WELL EXCUSE ME FOR HAVING COLD TOILETS!" Little Tree screeched. "And I can hear every word you're saying! How do you think I feel knowing you're relieving yourself inside me!"
There was a very long silence as the three of them paused to digest those words.
"Yeah I'm moving in with Rarity," Spike said.
"Nopony's moving anywhere," Twilight said, facehoofing. "And Little Tree? From now on, will you please think carefully before you use the words 'inside me'?"
Little Tree's cheeks puffed out. "This is why I hate being able to talk," she said. "It's stupid and embarrassing."
"Spike, why don't you get started on breakfast?" Twilight suggested. "We'll be along shortly." She paused. "Is Starlight up yet?"
"I don't think so," Spike said. "She was up late last night."
"Probably thinking up a new way to make a huge nasty mess insi—" Little Tree broke off at Twilight's glare, then turned away, crossing her arms and letting out a huffy, high-pitched sniff.
Twilight sighed. "How about waffles today, Spike?" she suggested.
"Waffles. Sure." Spike shot Little Tree a long glance, then shuffled out of the room. "But we're talkin' about this whole spirit of the castle thing later!"
As Spike headed for the kitchen, Twilight shook her head and addressed Little Tree. "Come on, let's head for the dining room," she said.
"Fine," Little Tree said, standing up and smoothing out her skirt. "How do you stand sitting on that hard thing? My butt hurts."
"Well, I don't really spend that much time sitting on it," Twilight said. "And you're complaining about a part of yourself, so..."
Little Tree rolled her eyes. "Well excuse me for not being able to grow anything that isn't crystalwood! It's kind of what I'm made of."
Twilight tilted her head. "But...there's pennants and—"
"LEAVES!"
"But what about—"
Little Tree hurried over to Twilight in a stiff, bustling march and clamped her muzzle shut with her hands. "Pay close attention, you stupid princess," she said. "Every part of me that you ponies didn't bring inside for your own comfort is either my wood, my leaves, or my..." She paused, then blushed faintly. "Fruits."
Twilight freed her muzzle with her hooves, then tilted her head. "Do I...do I even want to know which parts are your fruits?"
"No, you certainly do not!"
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "And the toilets? Why do you—"
"I'M A TREE!" Little Tree shouted, her face burning crimson. "I NEED FERTILIZER! JUST ASK THAT APPLE PONY!"
Twilight blinked...then her face twisted into a slow, evil smirk. "So what you're saying," she said slowly, "is that you eat our sh—"
A huge, round, pearlescent crystal peach fell on Twilight's head, knocking her hooves out from under her. Her eyes spun as the peach rolled away. Little Tree stormed off in a huff.
Just as Twilight got her bearings again, Starlight Glimmer trotted into the room, yawning. "Good morning, Twilight!" she said. She frowned and looked off to her left. "Is...is that a giant crystal peach?"
Twilight massaged the lump on her head. "Yes," she said. "Yes it is."
* * * * *
When the two mares entered the dining room, Starlight stared, dumbstruck, at Little Tree. "Umm..."
Little Tree glared at her. "I hate you," she said. "Just so you know. If it were up to me, you wouldn't even be here."
Twilight sighed. "Little Tree, please at least try to get along," she said.
"Twilight?" Starlight asked through clenched teeth. "Who, or what, is this?"
Twilight sighed again. "Starlight Glimmer, this is Little Tree. She's...well...the spirit of this castle."
Starlight blinked. She tilted her head. "Come again?"
"She's the spirit of the Castle of Friendship," Twilight repeated. "She's taken physical form so she can learn from us. From me, from our friends."
Starlight's eyes bugged out. "This castle's alive?!"
"OF COURSE I'M ALIVE!" Little Tree shouted. "I'm a TREE, in case you didn't notice!"
"W-well yeah, but...!" Starlight stammered. "I mean, I knew the castle grew out of a seed of the Tree of Harmony, but—!" She paused, then groaned. "Okay. Fine. Tree spirit. Talking. Has a body...umm...what is that body supposed to be, exactly?"
"Human," Twilight said. "I told you about them, right? My friend Sunset Shimmer is living as one in that other world?"
"Ohhh," Starlight said. She frowned as she sat down at the table. "So...why do you hate me?"
Little Tree scoffed disbelievingly. "Are you stupid?" she cried. "Remember the awful way you abused me?"
Starlight flinched. "Abused you? What—"
"Your spell," Twilight said. "The one you nearly destroyed Equestria with?"
"Imagine how you'd feel if you were a disembodied heart being flung all over time and space!" Little Tree cried, flinging her arms into the air. "You violated me in the worst way, you psycho!"
Twilight massaged the bridge of her muzzle. "Little Tree," she said tiredly, "if you're going to keep being a brat, can you at least do it without making everything sound so incredibly wrong?"
Little Tree stared at her, cheeks burning red. "...IDIOT!" she declared, slumping into her seat and curling inward on herself in a full-blown pout.
"I'll...umm...just go help Spike with breakfast," Starlight said hastily, teleporting out of the dining room.
Twilight sighed. "I don't understand," she said. "You're supposed to be the beacon of friendship and harmony in Equestria. That's why you have the Map. How can you possibly be this much of a brat?"
"Well excuse me," Little Tree said sniffily. "I'm a three-year-old crystalwood tree with a neurotic egghead, a fire-breathing, jewel-eating dragon, and a psychopath who can't keep her horn to herself living inside me! And that's not even getting into the constant presence of the other five crazy ponies, and then the random visitors that show up from time to time and bring their own crazy—like the yaks, remember the insanely destructive yaks that broke pieces of me?!"
Twilight flinched. "H-hey now, it's not like we asked them to—"
"But you didn't stop them either, did you?" Little Tree said acidly. "Where was all your oh-so-great alicorn magic when your home was in danger AGAIN? Or do I just not mean as much to you as that dirty old tree that—"
A slap echoed like a gunshot.
Little Tree stared at Twilight, reaching up to rub her swollen, red cheek.
"Lesson number one," Twilight said in a quiet, dangerous tone. "Just because you're upset at somepony, you shouldn't say hurtful things you can't take back."
Little Tree blinked. "I—"
"Part of me died the day the Golden Oak Library was destroyed," Twilight said, her voice hitching. "I'm still coming to terms with it. Some of my best memories were in that library. I lost precious, irreplacable treasures—personal things, important things, things I can never get back. To you, the Golden Oak Library may be some dirty old normal tree, but to me? It was my home."
Little Tree found herself unable to meet Twilight's eyes. "Sorry," she mumbled tonelessly.
"Breakfast!" Starlight Glimmer sang as she and Spike entered the dining room, carrying a platter of waffles, a stack of plates, assorted silverware, bottles of syrups in different flavors, bowls of berries, and a big container of whipped cream.
As the spread was laid out on the table, Little Tree studied it curiously. "I've watched you ponies eat this stuff before, but I have no idea what it's all about."
"Here, let me," Starlight said as she plated two waffles for Little Tree. She poured strawberry syrup over them, then topped them with a sprinkle of blueberries and a large dollop of whipped cream. She also sprinkled on a smattering of chocolate chips for good measure, then slid the plate in front of Little Tree along with silverware. Lastly, a large cloth napkin unfolded itself and spread itself over Little Tree.
Little Tree blinked. "Th-thank you," she said quietly. She then picked up her knife and fork and cut off an experimental bite. She slowly lifted to her mouth and tasted it...
Her eyes widened.
She dropped her silverware with a clatter and pressed her hands to her cheeks.
"It's so good!" she declared. "This is so much better than what I usually eat!"
Starlight tilted her head. "Really? What do you usually eat?"
"Nevermind that!" Twilight said hastily. "So, Little Tree, you like waffles?"
"Yes!" Little Tree said, attacking her plate with gusto.
"Then I guess having a human body isn't that stupid after all, is it?"
"N-no, it's totally stupid!" Little Tree said, stammering. "It's weird, and these clothes are itchy, and...and...!" She let out a frustrated groan. "Why couldn't I have at least been a PONY..."
"That's...a really good question," Starlight said. "Why is she a...human, was it?"
"Her mother didn't really say," Twilight said with a shrug. "She actually pretty much dodged the question. Kind of like Celestia used to do to me when she wanted to be particularly difficult."
"Her...mother?" Starlight asked.
"The Tree of Harmony," Twilight said. She paused for a bite of waffle, then continued, "I don't...completely understand what it is I'm supposed to do yet, but apparently I'm supposed to take Little Tree on as a second friendship student because the original Tree of Harmony is...is dying." She glanced at Little Tree, sorrow on her face.
Little Tree looked away, her eyes cloudy. "Mama shouldn't be dying," she said. "Dying is stupid."
"Yeah...dying is stupid," Twilight agreed. "But it's also part of life. Even beings that live practically forever have to do it sooner or later. Well...most of them do."
"Wait, the Tree is dying?" Spike gasped, eyes wide. "But...! The Everfree Forest! What's gonna happen to Ponyville? Oh man, this is bad! We've gotta warn—"
"Spike," Twilight said calmly, "it's okay. In the first place, the Tree of Harmony won't die for another hundred years."
Spike sighed with relief. "Oh. Whew."
"In the second place, she assured me that when she dies, the last of her power will purify and tame the Everfree Forest. It'll...it'll just be a regular forest."
"Huh. That's...good?" Spike said, scratching his head. "But that also doesn't make any sense. If the Tree of Harmony has the power to, y'know, wipe out the Everfree Forest, then why—"
Little Tree rolled her eyes. "Because, stupid," she said condescendingly, "that icky forest is there to protect Mama. The whole reason it's there is to keep ponies and griffons and minotaurs and such from bothering her."
Spike blinked. "Oh," he said.
"So when...when the Tree dies," Starlight said, "there won't be any need for the Everfree Forest anymore?"
"Yeah," Little Tree said quietly. "And I can take care of myself, even when Worst Alicorn here isn't around. Or when she's letting stupid things like yaks and you wreck up my insides," she added sourly.
"HEY!" Twilight yelled indignantly. "Whaddya mean Worst Alicorn?"
"Oh, sorry," Little Tree said cattily. "I meant Second Worst. Because at least you're good for something other than making baby alicorns."
Twilight blinked at that. "Um. Wow. Okay, remember what I said earlier about saying hurtful things you can't take back?"
Little Tree snorted. "Tell me that again after you've had your brother pollenating that fat pink princess in one of your branches," she said, digging back into her waffles.
The rest of the table choked.
"Okay eww," Twilight said, pushing her plate away. "Also when?!"
"I'm guessing about a year before Flurry Heart was born," Spike said. "In other words, the last time they were here for a visit before—"
"Thanks, Spike, I get the idea," Twilight said acidly.
"Well," Starlight said cheerfully, "I can tell having Little Tree around is going to be a lot of fun..."