//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: A Round of Job Interviews // Story: The Invisible Alicorn // by McPoodle //------------------------------// Chapter 4: A Round of Job Interviews When Luna returned to the human city, she took the time to truly look around her. The Helper slaves were everywhere. Practically all of the lighter-skinned humans had one, and some even had two or three. True more-or-less to Celestia’s description, the Helpers wore cheap plastic hats shaped like turbans, had rubbery flea collars around their necks, and had the same baby blue eyes regardless of their ethnicity. And they seemed to consist of a great number of different ethnicities, showing a great variety of skin shades, heights and head shapes. There was no overlap between their ethnicities and that of their owners, nor did their number include any of the Hispanic peoples living in the ghetto adjacent to the city. The reason Luna may have failed to note the existence of the Helpers before is because they acted far more like machines than like people. All orders were obeyed without question, and without any emotional response whatsoever. In an alley, Luna witnessed two masters ordering their Helpers to fight each other as a crowd loudly bet on the outcome. Even as the two turbaned men were beating each other with fists, elbows, knees and feet, they never so much as grunted as a blow was struck. Luna walked away from that alley clearly shaken. After a bit of random wandering, she arrived at a particular payphone, one of the last left in the city. Using her magic, she made a previously-invisible answering machine come into existence—a gift from the first humans Princess Twilight had revealed herself to, a pair of hackers. Unfortunately for Luna, the counter on the device informed her that nobody had called the number on her posters. It was only then that she realized that she had seen none of those posters since returning to the city. A quick survey revealed that not a one was left where she had posted them. With a huff, she disappeared back to Equestria and came back with another batch. She kept her eyes open as she started reposting to see if she could find who it was who took the earlier set down. She stopped at a wall were there was no room to put one of her posters up. The wall was instead covered with a neat mosaic of missing person posters. One for each of dozens and dozens of missing children, all of whom had disappeared in the last six years. Nobody walked in front of that wall, instead crossing the street to avoid such a concentrated site of human misery. Luna slowly wandered away, in an emotional haze for the second time that night. Ahead of her, she saw a vehicle painted in distinctive colors with the word “Police” upon it. She cautiously advanced to see if she could learn anything from them. There were two police officers in the car. They both had metallic devices mounted in front of their eyes. “So, do you think we’re gonna catch the idiot who put up all of those posters?” the younger one asked. “I doubt it,” the elder one replied. “He’d have to be pretty stupid to try and put them up again.” “I’ll say,” the younger said with a laugh. “Say, did you actually look at those things when you were taking them down.” “Not really.” “I’ll tell you this: the lawyers would have loved to sink their teeth into them.” Luna gasped at the mention of her mortal enemy. With a flash, all of the posters she had so carefully placed were summoned back into her forelegs and clutched tightly against her chest. Charles Randall had been patrolling the streets of downtown for nearly three hours before finally spotting the tuft of street-level starlight peeking out from behind a police car parked at a McDonald’s storefront. Carefully, Charles circled the block so that he could park across the street and thirty feet back. Inside the squad car, Charles could see the silhouettes of two officers eating and talking. They were wearing their data goggles, devices which informed them who was a criminal and who was loyal, while providing neat features like night vision and targeting lasers. The goggles also provided the useful side-effect of making the police officers look even less personable and human than they had appeared before the election. Near as Charles could tell, the attention of the officers was mostly concentrated on an alleyway next to a nearby liquor store. Seeing as he would have some time to wait before the police left the scene, Charles pulled out his iPhone to write a text to his wife. Taken with a sudden inspiration, he turned the camera mode of his phone on and pointed it at the spectral blue pony sitting on the sidewalk. The screen of the device showed a McDonalds, a police car, and an empty sidewalk. Charles moved the phone aside, and saw the same scene with Princess Luna. He put the phone back in front of him, and then removed it, several times before a smile of realization finally came to his face. “Well I’ll be…” he whispered out loud. On her spot beside the driver’s door of the police car, Princess Luna reclined like the Sphinx while she worked on revising her poster. Phrases like “with the child’s permission” and “guaranteed to have no negative long-term effects” had to be fit in. “Rights and liberties, rights and liberties…” Luna muttered sarcastically under her breath. “‘Why, I would never think of disrespecting the humans with their bizarre attachments to rights and liberties, Twilight, never!’” The policeman in the driver’s seat, hearing this whispering with his human ears—and yet oddly not picking them up with his computer-enhanced earbuds, turned his head to look down at the sidewalk beside him, and saw only pavement. Luna stuck her tongue out at him. The driver was interrupted in his survey of the sidewalk by his partner, who pointed him at a couple of teenagers and a Helper emerging from the liquor store. The teens pulled spray paint cans out of a canvas bag held in the arms of the Helper before walking into the alley. With a pair of identical predatory smiles, the two police officers emerged from their car and followed the teens into the alley. Charles took this opportunity to sprint as quietly as possible to a newspaper machine located close to Luna. While staring at the day-old headline about the surprise winner of the latest Kardashian popularity survey, he addressed his words to the pony princess: “Excuse me, your Royal Highness?” Luna majestically rose to her hooves and turned to face him. “Yes?” “M…my name is Charles Randall, and I’m interested in contracting your services for the benefit of our daughter. She’s been having nightmares.” “Excellent,” Luna said with an enthusiastic smile. “I am eager to finally do good in this city. Do you wish to see my qualifications?” A few minutes later, the police officers returned with the one vandal they were able to catch, a piece of duct tape over his mouth. The Helper was left standing at the alley entrance, waiting for orders that would never come. As the officers were processing their catch, a car started behind them and suddenly took off. The officer with his hands free pulled out his pistol as he waited for his goggles to identify the car. When it turned out to belong to a loyal citizen, he lowered his weapon. He did note that the roof of the car looked dented, as if somebody had attempted to put too heavy a weight on top at some point, before dismissing the matter from his concern. Meanwhile, an example of the very poster they were supposed to track down had been plastered on the roof of their own car. Teri Randall was reviewing her research on the “fictional” character of Princess Luna for the second time when she heard the alert telling her that someone had opened the electronic gate to their property. She got up and walked over to the front door. The back of the door facing her had a rectangular device similar to her tablet mounted on it. This showed the view from the multiple security cameras on the property. Through these cameras she saw her husband park his car, get out, and walk to the front door. She was disappointed to see no one accompanying him. Teri turned to walk back into the kitchen when she was surprised to hear Charles use the doorbell. Cautiously, she walked back to the door viewer and pressed a button. “Yes, Charles?” she asked into the device’s microphone. “Sorry, I just couldn’t find that horse,” Charles said in a louder than normal voice. “I guess I was right about her being a hallucination. Sorry.” Hovering ten feet behind Charles was a drone. “Oh no, it’s perfectly alright,” Teri said, also in a louder than normal tone. “You are in fact allowed to be right. Sometimes. Just don’t make it a habit.” “Wouldn’t think of it. So do you think you can let me in?” Teri entered the combination and provided her thumbprint to engage the three heavy bolts keeping the front door secured. Then she unhooked the little chain and opened the door. She saw Charles standing there. She saw the drone drifting away with a sort of disappointed air. And she saw the large blue equine standing behind Charles. She then immediately turned around and walked into the kitchen. Charles conscientiously wiped his stainless shoes on the Welcome mat in front of the door while Luna entered, then followed and closed the door, which instantly locked itself. Luna looked around her surroundings before facing Teri. “This is a beautiful house you have here, Mrs. Randall,” she said. Teri looked at the tiles. “It’s alright,” Luna said with a smile. “No spying device will hear what you say in my presence. The same applies to the more primitive digital and analog devices being employed by your daughter upstairs at this very moment.” There was a slight pause as both parents looked up at the ceiling. “In that case, thank you, your Royal Highness,” Teri said, making a slight curtsey. “That will not be necessary,” Luna told her. “You may address me as Luna while I am working on your behalf. And you might want to monitor your actions—I can’t mask those from outside observation yet.” “Um, I think I’ll go into the living room, to watch that loud and distracting football game I recorded on Monday,” said Charles before leaving the kitchen. “I’ll leave you to your ‘reading’.” “Good idea,” said Teri. She then sat down at one end of the kitchen table, within sight of a large window that was devoid of curtains, drapes, or anything else to keep from being watched from outside. “For our interview, I’ll be sitting here in front of the window, so it will look like I’m reading. I hope you’ll pardon the disrespect.” “Under the circumstances, I perceive no disrespect, I assure you,” said Luna, as she sat down on the kitchen floor like a cat. “Although…may I ask one question of you before we begin?” Teri marveled for a moment that Luna’s head was at the same level when sitting as it was when standing. But then, that was how horses operated, after all. “Go right ahead,” she finally replied. “You seem to be remarkably calm for someone dealing with an impossibility. The ponies who have visited this world so far have been told on multiple occasions that that is what they are. I was even told that if a human was presented video evidence of our existence, they would decry it as the result of ‘CGI editing’. And yet you are so willing to accept this impossibility that you are willing to hire one to treat your own daughter. May I ask what it is that makes you different than the majority of your kind?” “I wouldn’t consider myself all that different from the average person,” said Teri. “According to Nick Bostrom, this very reality we live in is nothing but a very expensive computer simulation for a race of highly-evolved beings. If that theory is true, as I hold it to be, then recent, shall I say ‘apocalyptic’ events have the appearance of a simulation that has run out of funding. As a scientist myself, I know full well the sorts of crazy things you try when the money is falling out. So I wouldn’t put it past the Implementers to sneak a few characters from a children’s program into this world, just to see how we would react.” Luna looked at the refrigerator as she processed this statement. “I’m going to need to meet this ‘Nick Bostrom’. And that is not why we are here.” “Well I wasn’t going to ask because it didn’t seem at all pertinent to the job description, but why are ponies here on Earth?” Teri asked. “Cultural appropriation,” Luna explained. “Equestrian society seems unconcerned with material progress, so the princesses have taken it upon ourselves to borrow useful ideas from parallel universes and try to apply them to our own.” “And does that tie into why you are taking up a profession here?” “Yes. I am looking out for potentially useful advancements for Equestria, while watching out for possible negative side-effects. I decided that dream walking would be the skill of mine that would be the most desirable by non-magic wielding humans, while also having the least chance of having long-term effects after we have left.” Teri lowered her tablet in shock. “Wait, are you saying that humans can wield magic?!” She then quickly raised the screen back in front of her face. “Why yes, of course,” Luna replied matter-of-factly. “There are alternate realities where magic is non-existent, but those are simply not worth visiting for beings such as ourselves. If I can use magic here, then so can you. In fact, why don’t you move out of the way of that infernal window and put your head in yonder ice chest, and I can teach you a spell right now.” Teri suddenly appeared at the refrigerator. Luna considered informing Teri that the fact that she never actually inhabited the space between chair and refrigerator was a strong sign that she was already versed in the so-called “pink” school of magic, but she decided that this world was probably better off if she remained blissfully ignorant of that fact, and instead joined her. “Reach out a hand like you were going to hold an egg,” Luna instructed. “Now concentrate on this abstract image that I am placing before your eyes. Make it a thought in your mind, the only thought, the veritable center of your universe, the only thing besides my voice that you can perceive. Now watch how it moves…sense the pattern so you are the one who are moving it in your mind. Yes, now just a little faster, and…there. Look down at your hand.” Teri marveled at the soft orange sphere of light that nestled in her hand. As she stared at it, it grew brighter and then dimmer, and then floated out of her hand to illuminate various corners of the refrigerator. Finally, it settled back into her hand and sunk into it, fading from existence. “You are a quick learner,” Luna informed her. “Thank you,” a proud Teri said as she reached for a Diet Pepsi. With a thought, she held out her hand and stared at the can. It wobbled a little. When it refused to move any more, she reached out and grabbed it. “I guess levitation is a bit harder for solid objects?” “A little,” said Luna, who waited for Teri to resume her place at the table before sitting back down in her former position. “I’m surprised how easy that was,” remarked Teri. “Well, you appear to be a natural. Shall we resume the job interview?” “Oh, right,” Teri said, having nearly forgotten why the princess pony was in her house to begin with. “I think we can streamline the process of evaluating your character a great deal if I knew about the status of the cartoon. Is it 100% factual?” “More or less,” Luna replied. “There’s a fair degree of simplification, due to the target audience and the episode length, but I saw no outright lies being committed. Well, except for the matter of ordering—there were some events in the Fourth and later seasons that most definitely happened before Twilight got her wings, for example. But for the most part, what you saw in the episodes is what actually happened. Don’t ask me why this supposed work of fiction lines up with our lives as well as it does—for that we have no explanation. Just a sense of profound thankfulness that this anomalous work of so-called fiction sprung up in your world and not in our own.” “So the episode with the Tantabus…” Luna smiled inwardly at the fact that it was not Nightmare Moon that she was being asked to answer for. “That was three months after my re-introduction into society,” she said calmly. “Twilight and her friends didn’t even know that I could visit dreams. Otherwise yes, what that episode had to say about me was completely true.” Teri nodded. “Very good. You misused your abilities, but you learned the error of your ways, was willing to take advice from those you could easily consider your inferiors, and completely resolved the emergency while ending up a better person because of it. It shows that you are a strong person to have gone through all of that, and a stronger person to be willing to admit to it afterwards without flinching.” At this point she sighed as she looked off to the distance. “Of course, I wish I could have been that forgiving six years ago.” She lowered her tablet so that she was looking over it at Luna. “You’re free to take the job, if you want it after talking to my daughter Sara. Do you have any additional questions for me?” “One and I hope you don’t consider it intrusive or impertinent. Why don’t you have any Helpers? This appears to be a rather large house to maintain for two working parents.” Teri put a hand to her chin. “It’s true that we did have three servants before the war: a chauffeur, a maid and a nanny for Sara. But afterwards, when the Constitution was changed to allow reprogrammed prisoners of war as slaves and we saw how some people were treating their ‘Helpers’, well that just made me feel awful about the way I had treated my servants so often as something less than human. So I let them go with severance packages generous enough that we’ll probably never take a proper vacation again so long as we live, and we absolutely refused to take any Helpers as reward for picking the ‘right’ political party six years ago.” Luna smiled. “It appears there’s some hope for your kind yet. So, let me meet your little daughter. What sort of nightmares is Sara suffering from?” Teri sighed. “She refuses to tell me—offers up one excuse or another. Lately she’s been outright lying to me, saying that they’re about her hurting her classmates or even attacking Charles and I. I’m pretty sure she’s getting those out of psychological books, to convince me that she’s insane.” Luna frowned as she thought this over. “Are you sure that she is not in fact in need of some sort of mental therapy? I can only offer her one night’s worth of help, after all.” “My daughter is not crazy!” Teri insisted, leaning forward to put her face into Luna’s. Then she backed down with a sigh. “And…even if she is, she can’t be.” Luna saw a look of quiet desperation in the woman’s eyes. “I tell her again and again that I not only won’t commit her, but I can’t. But it never seems to get through to her that things are different now. There are no more mentally ill patients in this state.” Luna furrowed her brow in confusion. “I don’t understand. Is there some sort of miracle cure, or—” “The President has declared that the mentally ill are not loyal Americans,” Teri said wearily. “And that means if you’re diagnosed, you disappear. And are never seen again.” She reached out to put a hand around the pony’s front leg. “Princess Luna, I don’t care if Sara comes out of tonight’s dream hating me, or if it makes her decide to run away and never see me again. What I need is for you to convince my daughter to be sane again. Her life depends on it.”