//------------------------------//
// "Who was he, Captain?" 
// Story: Lacrimis Solis Dea 
// by NovusStar123 
//------------------------------//

The vast blue expanse of the the summer sky slowly began to melt into the rich colours of twilight. Celestia stood high and proud on the designated balcony where she usually raised and lowered the fiery orb that was Equestria's sun. As her burning charge finally sank below the western hills, Celestia sighed. Her magnificent white wings were folded and drawn in close to her body, and the golden sun emblazoned on her flank looked slightly dimmer than usual, but that could have been due to the twilit evening. Or it could have been due to the pain the the sun goddess now bore within her heart. Eyes half closed, Celestia raised her head to the evening sky and sighed again as the warm breeze caressed her cheek. Her beautiful aurora mane flowed with the wind, giving the monarch a proud, regal pose on the high balcony. 
Despite being the sun goddess, it was this time of sunset that Celestia enjoyed the most. It was harmony, perfect balance and equilibrium between the day and night. It was a time when she and her sister Luna were true equals, and it was that which Celestia found most comforting. The moon slowly began to creep above the mountains of Canterlot behind her, bathing the sparkling city in a silvery glow. Her sister would arrive soon the take her duties from the same balcony, so with a final gaze at the perfect twilight before her, Celestia slowly trudged back into the Tower of Harmony.

The sun goddess walked alone through the high vaulted halls of the Palace, paying no attention to the elegant stained glass windows that lined the corridors, Celestia walked wearily to her private sanctum at the summit of the Solaris Spire. The aching in her chest was finally taking its toll on her, and she needed to rest before the dawn came. 

She arrived at the gilded oaken doors to her chambers sooner than she wished, and considered going back out into the night air, but thought better of it. With some effort, Celestia pushed the doors open and plodded over to the sumptuous circular bed at the far end of the room. But before she took more than three steps, the sun goddess collasped in a fit of tears. Crystal clear trickles of water fell from her anguished eyes, and how she wailed. All of the sadness stored within her now flowed freely, like a river of broken sorrow. Celestia made no effort to compose herself - this was her personal sanctum, her retreat from the world. She needed to impress no one here. Sobs and moans of pain were all that escaped the white alicorn for over half an hour. She buried her delicate face into the white rug that she lay sprawled upon before removing her golden crown with a toss of the head. She quickly reached up to her chest, where a strong hoof tugged off the golden nacklace that she always wore. The shoes with she wore were also hurled away. And still, the princess wailed. 

It was a long while before someone heard the sobs coming from the royal chambers, and Luna's night was well into its duration by the time a strong white coated unicorn heard the noises coming from his monarch's bedroom. Dressed in his full guard regalia, Shining Armour removed his helmet, letting his mane of many shades of blue fall around his face. Tentatively, he raised a hoof to the gilded doors.
"Uh, my Princess, is everything alright? Do you need any assistance?" called the guard captain nervously. He heard the sobbing stop from within the royal chambers. The silence was followed by the reply of his monarch. 
"Um, n-no dear captain, I am merely...stressed due to recent events". Despite the words of Celestia, Shining pushed on the doors and stepped into the bed chamber. Princess Celestia was sitting amongst the plush cushions and silken sheets of her bed. Her crown and other regal attire lay scattered across the room, and Shining had to avoid stepping on the golden gemmed necklace that his Princess usually wore. "I have no need for assistance captain, I'm fine", she managed a strained smile, "I am need of rest, nothing more. There is no need for concern". Shining set his helmet down on an elegant table by the side of the bed.
"With all due respect Princess, I think you're lying. Is it because of the attempt last week? We have guards posted at every entrace to the city and Palace. Your royal sister has also given us a battalion of her own soldiers. You have nothing to worry about, your highness. We have everything under control n-"
"Who was he, captain?" Celestia interrupted.
Shining blinked. "Who Princess, the assassin? As far as we know he was just a random Cha-"
"No...the guard. Who was the one who gave his life for mine? I have always prided myself on the knowledge of each and every one of my subjects, but I didn't know this stallion. What was his name?" Celestia had tears pooling in her eyes, and the captain could tell by the red marks on her cheeks that this would be the latest in what had already been a flood of tears. The captain took a deep breath. "His name was Star Soarer, your grace. He was one of the most promising cadets in the Academy of War. I remember him very well. He was very eager to please as I recall". That seemed to make Celestia shrink. Her mane of aurora light flowed slower than it did before, and her wings drew in closer to her body. 
"Tell me more about him, captain. Did you know him well?"
"As a matter of fact, I did princess. Um, well, he said he grew up in the hills around Stalliongrad. He had a brother and a sister. And...he said that he always wanted to see Canterlot one day, but joining the Royal Guard wasn't planned. Um, should I continue, princess?"
The white alicorn looked at him intently. "Please do, I need to know who it was who sacrificed himself for...me" she almost spat the last word. She levitated a plump cushion towards the captain, inviting him to sit down. Shining placed his haunches down and sat facing his Princess. "Well, he was put forward into joining the Guard by his father, an overbearing stallion apperantly. He expected much from him, and thought that the Royal Guard would put discipline into him. But after two days of, how he put it, 'complete and utter agony and pointless unneeded drills', he said he had grown to like the other ponies around him. He made a friend of me in his first week. 
The princess nodded slowly, taking in all that was said. A keening cry signalled the return of Philomena, the Princess' regal and majestic pet phoenix. The firebird landed gracefully on her perch and tilted her head as she regarded Celestia. The phoenix let out a mournful cry and bowed her head. Celestia smiled briefly.
"Thank you my friend, but there is nothing you can do for me. Or for the guard, Star Soarer as i know know he was called".
The phoenix gave a low chirp before fluttering away to roost in a lofty corner of the room. "How old was he Shining?"
The blue maned unicorn was surprised that the Princess had used his first name, but told her nonetheless. 
"Nineteen, your grace".
Celestia closed her deep violet eyes and inhaled sharply. Nineteen? He was that young? At the prime of his life, and felled before he could live to his full joy. The thought saddened and angered her. It was her fault he was dead. Her fault. 

Shining could see his princess battle the raging thoughts in her mind. He felt so sorry for her, his charge and queen, but there was nothing he could do for her. She suddenly opened her arresting eyes and refocused on the captain.
"Um, princess? Are you sure you should be talking to me, I mean, wouldn't your sister be better to confide in? Its not that I don't want to he-"
"I understand captain, and I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. But Luna would never understand fully, and you knew him best. it is that fact which I take comfort in". Her horn suddenly flared a lime green light. A decanter bearing deep golden liquid floated towards the pair, followed by two tall glasses. One hovered over to Shining and landed on the table where his helmet rested. Celestia poured her own glass before sending the bottle towards Shining. He was about to refuse, when he thought better of rejecting the princess and allowed the dreamwine to be poured. He could smell the fruity aroma as the decanter tipped gently over his glass, filling it with the liquid gold. Shining took a sip and let the honey enriched wine dance across his tastebuds. He relished the fruity aftertaste was it went down his throat. celestia took a long swig as well, before setting her glass on another table. 
"What else can you tell me Shining, what was his cutie mark?"
The captain suddenly felt uncomfortable. why was Celestia so keen to learn about this unfortunate guard? Not that he wasn't upset himself - Star Soarer had been a friend to him, however brief. But he had learned to steel himself against such losses when he became captain, and surely the princess must have done the same during her immortal life. He hesitated before answering. "...um, it was a silver star with blue wings, your grace". Celestia nodded before closing her eyes again. She did not open them for a while.
"Um, princess...?" came Shining's nervous voice. Celestia blinked and shook her head.
"I'm sorry captain, I'm just a little distracted at the moment. What else can you tell me, did he have any interests that you knew about?"
"Well, he was a huge fan of the Wonderbolts, being a pegasus himself, and he was always one of fastest on the running track", Shining took another sip of dreamwine before chuckling lightly, "and he was very fond of 'marehunting' as he called it. Never had much luck apparently". Celestia gave a small smile. With it her whole form seemed to become lighter. Her mane flowed quicker now, and her proud chest fuller. Generally, her whole body just seemed a little brighter. The smile was then followed by a small laugh. Shining smiled too, to see his princess happy again, even if it was a small happiness. 
"Did he ever have a marefriend, or anyone he loved?"
"He never said a name, but he hinted very strongly at one when on the running track one day. Star Soarer always liked to keep us guessing"
Celestia's smile faded slightly. "I wonder what her name is, where she is and where she comes from. I wonder how she is feeling right now..."
Shining finished his glass before turning to his monarch. "Princess, you musn't do this to yourself. Punishing your heart over and over again will not bring him back. You need to let go, and re-"
"HOW CAN I LET GO?!" Celestia suddenly burst. Shining shot his head back when she lashed out. "HOW CAN I FORGIVE MYSELF? BECAUSE OF ME HE IS DEAD...DE-...", the sun goddess collasped on her bed as a new tide of tears washed over her. Shining leapt onto the four pillared bed and held his queen's head against his armoured chest. It was against every code about touching the princess' person without her permission, but celestia didn't pull away. She placed a forehoof onto Shining's strong forelegs and wept into the violet and gold armour. 
"Its not your fault princess, it was no one's fault. He died to protect the princess he loved, and there is no greater honour in the line of duty". The sun goddess pulled her head closer into his breastplate. Shining untid the clasps holding it in place with his horn so the princess could lean against his softer coat. 
"I can't do this anymore, captain...I j-just c-can't do it anymore" Celestia muttered as tears fell from her eyes in waves.
"Do what princess?"
"Rule...I can't rule this land anymore, I just can't DO IT! I've seen ponies from dozens of generations die while me and Luna live on to eternity. I cannot continue my reign if thousands of ponies continue to die for me and my sister. Its not fair..."
Shining quickly took hold of Celestia's face with both forehoofs and locked gazes with her.
"Listen to me my princess. YOU ARE NOT to blame for what the Changeling did to Star Soarer. YOU ARE NOT to blame for the suffering of this land. Under the reign of you and your royal sister, Equestria has become a beacon of light and hope to the world. How is that a bad thing? Ponies die, yes. We all must die one day princess, and Star Soarer chose his moment to lay down his life for yours, because he saw you as the living hope of Equestria. YOU ARE NOT to blame"
Shining suddenly felt dizzy, he must have had more dreamwine then he should of - it was strong stuff. Celestia's face suddenly looked dazzlingly beautiful. Her moist eyes looked like they her gilded with stars, and her aurora mane flowed more freely without her crown resting on it. Without thinking, Shining leant forward...and gently placed his lips to those of the sun goddess. Celestia moved back, but the dreamwine must have had the same effect on her, and soon she returned the kiss. Sanity suddenly reasserted itself on both ponies and they pulled away from eachother sharply. Philomena let out a high pitched squwark of alarm. 
"Oh..Oh my...princess forgive me" Shining stammered as he leapt off the bed and hastily began to put his armour back on. "I didn't mean- I'm so sorry princess, I shouldn't have done that, I-"
"No...you shouldn't have..." came a pained, feminine voice from the gilded doors. The doors were opened very slightly. Standing in the gap was a tall, beautiful alicorn with a mane of gold, magenta and violet. Her stunning rose coloured eyes were dripping with tears, and her purple tipped wings held close to her body.
"...Cadence..."
The pink alicorn turned with a sorrowful cry and ran back down the hallway.
"Wait! Cadence, I can explain! Cadence!" Shining Armour bolted down the hall after her, leaving his helmet behind. Celestia was openly crying again, sobbing uncontrollably. Not only had she let the loss of Star Soarer consume her, but in her grief she had dealt her own niece a blow that would probably never heal. Philomena swooped down from the ceiling and nuzzled her head against the sun goddess' chin. 
What have I DONE...?



To Be Continued...feedback greatly appreciated