The Education of Clover the Clever

by Daedalus Aegle


Chapter 17: Exam Day (Star Swirl vs Cambridle, round 2).

Time passes. The weather shifts. The plants grow, spread seeds, wither up and sleep, and then awake again to continue where they left off.

Some things go forward in a straight line, never looking back to where they came from. Some things go in circles, and come back again and again. Some things change. Some things do not.

Some things, according to Star Swirl the Bearded, change only so that you will think they do not, and some do not change so you will think that they do.

Ponies change as well, and pass through stages and milestones along the way. They grow older, and sometimes wiser. Some say goodbye for the last time, and others greet the world for the first.

But wherever you are, whenever you are, the most important place is always right here. The most important time is always right now.

Three ponies trotted down the streets of Cambridle, from a house at the edge of the city that hung to the side of a cliff-face, towards the center of town, where bells were ringing and ponies were flocking around.

Star Swirl the Bearded and Clover Cordelia marched side by side through town towards the New Old Hall, the central building of the Academy of Magic, heads held high, looking boldly ahead.

Following along behind them was a nondescript light blue pony with a feather duster cutie mark. He wore a broad but plain gold bracelet around one ankle, and he pulled little cart which held a large cauldron of something pale and bubbling.

The three of them halted in front of the building where the fate of hundreds of students would soon be decided, and looked up at its intricate Hay Gothic-revival facade.

Star Swirl the Bearded saw it, and remembered. “It’s been a long time since I stood where you are now. Of course, it was just the Old Hall back then.”

“That was quite a story, Professor,” Clover said.

He blinked, and his face turned uncertain. “There is something portentous in the air,” he said. “This day is thick with destiny. I do not know what is going to happen here today.”

“Yes you do, Professor. It’s the day of my first year finals.”

He nodded slowly, studying the idea. “Yes. It is an exam. A test. Challenges will be placed in your path, and you must overcome them. But more than that, I cannot see.”

Clover considered. “I think that’s all it is, Professor.”

“Thick with destiny, Clover,” Star Swirl repeated. “I don’t know what is going to happen here. But you must face this challenge alone.”

“I just have to write a paper, Professor.”

“Right. Right. Perhaps it’s nothing.” The old stallion looked at his apprentice, and pride glittered in his eyes. “I almost thought this day would never come,” he said quietly, his lips curling to a soft smile. “You’ve come a long way since you first came to me to be my student.”

Clover could not help blushing at this rare show of approval. “It’s been quite an adventure, professor.”

“Yes. It has,” he said, and his gaze sharpened. “Now it is time for you to show what you have learned. What is Shimmer Mane’s Constant?”

“The thaumic output of a pony’s working is equal to the mass of thaums times the resistance of the weaving.”

“What are the five steps of a Bonnerle Working?”

“Design, Induction, Submersion, Correction, and Presentation.”

“How do you catch an Arboreal Zimmerwisp?”

“Smack it on the snout with a rolled-up newspaper and clip the rope to its tail while it’s distracted.”

Star Swirl stepped back and nodded. “You are ready.”

Clover beamed and puffed out her chest with pride.

“This is not what you have been working towards the past year,” he said. “What you’re really working towards, you won’t know until it happens. Maybe not then either. Maybe you only know it a long time afterwards. This, though, for all the importance ponies place on it, is just something you have to pass through along the way.”

“If you say so, Professor.”

“Not that you have anything to worry about,” Star Swirl said as he looked out over the masses of nervous students who waited beside them. “The standards down here are so lax that your biggest problem will be knowing when to stop. You could do the third-year exams as easily as the first.”

“Maybe next year, Professor.”

Something tugged invisibly at Star Swirl’s hat, and he pulled it off and rustled around inside it. “Oh yes… Mister Leafy wanted to say a few words.” He brought out the lone green leaf, suspended in a cube of air cornered by magically-infused metals, and held it up.

“Hi, Clover,” the leaf said in a child’s voice. “I hope you do well.”

“Thanks, Mister Leafy!” Clover said cheerfully. “After I’m done, how about we go out for a walk in the woods? You can see your family.”

“I’d like that,” the leaf said. “Okay, that’s what I wanted to say. Good luck.”

“I’ll do my best,” Clover said. “I’ll tell you all about it afterwards.”

Mister Leafy rustled, which Clover believed was the leaf equivalent of a grin. “I’m looking forward to it. Okay. Bye!”

Star Swirl put the leaf on his head and returned his hat to its place, the bells sown into the rim tinkling softly. “We’ll see you when you’re finished,” he said. “We’ll be on the green.”

“You’re going to the faculty lunch?” Clover asked. They had received the invitation, bearing the signs of much postal confusion which left no identifiable trace of magical tampering, late the night before.

“I didn’t go to the trouble of making all this extra porridge for nothing.”

The three of them glanced back at the cart carrying a pot of Star Swirl’s void porridge, and Clover instinctively patted her robe to make sure her jar of salt was in the inside pocket where she had put it.

The old stallion shuffled his hooves awkwardly. “Yes, I’m going. But I don’t think there will be much point.”

“Give them a chance, Professor.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” The third pony said. “A lunch with the entire university faculty present? It should be delicious.”

Star Swirl turned and shot him a warning look. “You are not allowed to eat any ponies, Tarsus.”

“Come now, Star Swirl, be reasonable. I’m subtle. They won’t notice a thing.”

“These are highly skilled unicorn wizards. It’s too risky.” Star Swirl paused. “Well, moderately skilled wizards. There are many of them, one of them might get lucky.”

“Professor…” Clover frowned at her teacher. “What did we say about this?”

Star Swirl the Bearded sighed. “Try to be nice to ponies and they might be nice back to you.”

“Yes!” Clover beamed.

Star Swirl grumbled. “I’m only letting you get away with this because this is your day of triumph, you know.”

“I’ll take what I can get,” she said. “I’ll come see you there after I’m done.”

He nodded, and turned and wandered off.

Tarsus remained, looking at Clover intently. “Did you want something, Tarsus?”

“You reek of uncertainty,” the changeling said. “It hangs around you in a thick cloud. I know you can’t taste emotions, but I’m always amazed at how bad ponies are at hiding their feelings. You do it so often, you’d think you would be experts. But no.”

Clover narrowed her eyes. “I’ve told you not to do that,” she said. “And I suppose Star Swirl was just trying to protect my feelings, then?”

“...Maybe,” Tarsus said. “I’m not actually sure. Either he didn’t notice, and meant every word he said, or he was concealing his feelings much better than you.”

“You don’t know?” Clover raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Maybe you don’t understand ponies quite as well as you think.”

“Tarsus!” Star Swirl called out from a short distance away. “Come along now.”

Tarsus grumbled. “Look, I was just going to say… good luck. With your exams.”

“Oh.” Clover blinked. “Thanks.”

“Yeah.” The changeling disguised as a pony turned and trotted down the street, the wheels of the cart squeaking as he went.

Clover watched her mentor, and his changeling live-in housekeeper, wander off towards a picnic.

It was rather shocking to Clover to consider that it had been less than a year since she became Star Swirl the Bearded’s apprentice, but then, as she had learned, time sometimes just behaved very strangely. She had seen astonishing things, and learned things that she felt very strongly that no first-year student could possibly be expected to learn.

Her first year as a university student on the special apprenticeship program was drawing near to its end, and she told herself she was going to cap it off with an exam performance that would knock their horseshoes off.

She turned and trotted inside the building, and let her mind fill with images of what the future might bring.

Dashing, daring Clover the Fearless held on to the rudder and kept the ship steady in the face of the winds and waves that battered on their sails. King Neptune had sworn he would not let them reach the Lost Island of Naglantis. But Clover was not only navigating through his storm; she was doing it so skillfully that Star Swirl could stargaze while they were at it. The old stallion stood confidently atop the main mast, perched in the crow’s nest with a sextant, his hat turning in the wind like a weather vane.

“Two point seven degrees to port, Captain Clover, and increase speed by four knots,” he called down. “If you hit at just the right angle of approach, and at just the right velocity we will pass clean through the treacherous rocks and arrive in the Naglantic Tranquility!”

Clover nodded, and made the correction, and felt the waves grow angry beneath her rudder. “King Neptune didn’t like that!” she called back to her teacher. “We are on the right track! What does the weather vane say?”

“Clover! There you are!”

Clover recognized her father’s voice immediately and turned to see Weather Vane coming towards her. He was alone, with Clover’s mother nowhere to be seen, and there was no cadre of royal guards or ponies in black anywhere in sight.

He swept her up in a nuzzle, and she yelped, and instinctively blushed the blush of any young pony receiving parental affection in public. “Dad!”

“It’s good to see you,” he said with a smile as he ruffled her mane.

Weather Vane was a slim stallion, purple-coated and yellow-eyed with a cutie mark of a brass rooster turning in the wind. Always dressed, he was wearing a dark waistcoat with a quadruple-Whinnysored black tie.

“Daaaad,” Clover pushed him off. “You should have told me you were coming! Where’s Mom?”

“Your mother isn’t here,” he said. “Come on, let’s find someplace to sit.”

“Dad, I’m kind of in a hurry here,” she said. “My exams are starting in a minute. Can we meet up afterwards?”

“Oh! I’ll give you the news quick, then,” Weather Vane said. “Your mother and I have been talking a lot lately, and we’ve come to a decision.”

“Oh boy.” Clover felt an overpowering urge to roll her eyes. “Let me guess. You’ve decided that you accept me even if I suddenly turn into a stallion again?”

Weather Vane blinked in confusion before remembering. “Oh, right! No, actually we’ve decided that we’re going to split up. But sure, that too.”

“What?”

“The truth is the passion hasn’t been there for a long time. We’ve been staying together for your future’s sake, you know, but recently that doesn’t seem to be so important anymore.”

“What?”

He looked down at his daughter with wistful nostalgia. “My little filly is all grown up, studying magic under a mad wizard and not following in my hoofsteps in Court at all. I’m very happy for you, Clover. It seems like breaking from your parents’ expectations of you is really coming into fashion these days, and it isn’t going to get you banished from Princess Platinum’s court at all! So now that you’re coming up in the world and don’t really do play dates at our house, well, it’s beginning to seem like you don’t need us anymore.”

He looked sadly off into the distance before continuing. “Without our shared dependence on your future success to keep our marriage together, there isn’t much more going on. Besides,” he smiled encouragingly, “there are some interesting developments suggesting that coming from a broken home might actually be good for your social standing now. It makes you a more sympathetic figure, you know?” He patted her shoulder. “Well, best of luck with your exams. I’ll see you later, then.”

Clover watched, her mouth open to speak but no words coming out, while her father wandered off into the crowd and vanished from sight.

– – –

“A faculty lunch,” Tarsus said to himself. “You know, I always liked the university. So many emotions flowing around. I wonder what it’s like to ponies.”

Star Swirl grunted a reply that was neither positive nor negative, and it told Tarsus a great deal.

They passed around the building and entered the faculty potluck lunch.

The lunch was held in the campus park behind the New Old Hall, sheltered on all sides by the buildings of the university. Here, in the middle of the stone grid of Cambridle, a peaceful green space lay sheltered. A garden of tranquility, adorned with statues and flowers and hedges where, on any other day, a pony could escape from the noise and the stress to find peace and beauty.

On this day the green was itself full of ponies and noise. The University of Cambridle faculty were all there, along with representatives from the various interest groups of the city. The city council, the banking sector, the farm lobby, and the manufacturers and merchants of scribe and laboratory supplies were all in attendance, weaving a multitude of webs through pitches, bribes, backtalk, rumors and counter-rumors zigging and zagging as they schemed and jockeyed for influence in an arena as subtle and vicious as any king’s court.

In a corner, the gardener looked on the damage the crowd had done to his garden, fuming with barely-suppressed rage.

There were a dozen pairings and trios engaged in heated whispers scattered around the green as Star Swirl and Tarsus arrived, and upon seeing them, all the groups migrated discreetly away.

Tarsus sniffed the air. “Ah, intrigue. I haven’t tasted that in a long time.”

“Don’t eat anypony. That’s an order.”

“You’re quite sure?” Tarsus smiled. “I could tell you who is most susceptible to what kind of pressure. Who wants what. Who’s afraid, and what they’re afraid of.”

“Not interested.”

“You know, the two of us working together could achieve anything. Anything at all.”

“And yet you are not very cooperative,” Star Swirl said, shooting Tarsus an angry glance. “If anypony asks, you are here as my hired help. Nothing else.”

The buffet table stood on the far side of the green, filled with a fine selection of traditional foods.

Star Swirl cleared a spot at the center of the table, and placed his cauldron of porridge down on it. “There,” he said, and served himself a bowl.

A lobbyist for the laboratory glassware industry wandered over. He was carrying a tray and sampling a bit of everything. “What’s this?” He served himself a dollop of porridge in a wooden bowl and raised it to his muzzle. He sniffed it. “Doesn’t have much of an aroma.”

“It’s not supposed to,” Star Swirl said.

“It’s more about the texture, then?” He took a spoonful in his mouth. He chewed. He swallowed. He was still. “It tastes like… nothing. Like nothingness itself. Infinite, in all directions.”

“It’s highly nutritious, full of vitamins and minerals.”

The lobbyist watched the table without blinking, in growing horror. “I think it’s draining the color from everything around it. It’s spreading.”

“The sensory deprivation helps you concentrate,” Star Swirl said. “It lends perspective and will make you appreciate your senses more afterwards.”

Tarsus and Star Swirl watched as the lobbyist tottered away unsteadily.

“Hello, Star Swirl.” Star Swirl turned to see Ginny preparing herself a salad.

“Hello, Ginny,” he replied. “Nice morning for it. You’re here for the library, then?”

Ginny nodded. “The Mystical Order of Librarians will not allow an exam to go by without receiving its due tribute,” she said. “The faculty professes towards knowledge. The library holds it in its grasp.”

“I’m not in the mood to argue about politics,” Star Swirl said. “It’s much too nice a day for that.”

Ginny shrugged. “As you wish.”

Star Swirl heard a rustling behind him, and turned around. At the edge of the green, half-way hidden in the hedge, was a young unicorn mare wearing what appeared to be a cultist costume from Cambridle’s fancy dress shop, altered to look somewhat more respectable. She was pretending very hard not to be spying on the faculty, and failing miserably.

Star Swirl looked at her, then turned and looked around the green, and noticed two others like her, lingering along the edges, failing to be discreet. “Who are they?”

Ginny followed his gaze. The young mare had the decency to look embarrassed. “If I had to guess, I’d say those are the Siblinghood of the Hoof.”

Star Swirl frowned. “I’m not familiar with that group. What do they do?”

Ginny stared at him. “This is why nopony likes you, Star Swirl. You really should involve yourself more in the community.”

“Don’t you start. I get enough of that from Clover.”

“Well, she’s right.” Ginny took a bite of her salad. “They’re one of those civic umbrella organizations that do local activism. They’ve been forming all year.”

Tarsus smiled warmly, all cheer and helpfulness. “Shall I find out what they want, professor?”

“No,” Star Swirl said with an immediacy and bluntness that made Ginny raise an eyebrow. “Nevermind.”

The old wizard glanced around until he caught a glimpse of a particular pony in the center of the green, and his face tightened. “Excuse me a minute. I must speak with somepony. Tarsus, stay here and behave yourself.”

“Right you are, professor!”

Not far away, the Dean of the Academy of Magic, a slim old mare in a dark coat jacket wearing sharp spectacles, was speaking to a young associate professor. The younger pony saw Star Swirl approaching, and quickly excused herself.

“Dean Cinch, a minute of your time.”

“Professor the Bearded,” the Dean said, her voice dripping with dismissive condescension. “You have one minute. What do you want?”

Star Swirl kept his voice flat. “I wanted to discuss my plans for my lecture next term.”

“Oh yes,” the Dean rolled her eyes. “What will you be doing to my students this time? Turning them into stone? Dropping them into the Underworld? Combining one hundred students into one giant student just to see how it does?”

“I was thinking of introductory arcane theory,” Star Swirl said. “I have received some interesting feedback from my student and I thought I might try to incorporate it into my lecture.”

“Let me just stop you right there,” Cinch said. “You don’t have a student. You are an honorary professor. We have a student, and we consented to subject you to her in the hopes that it would restrain you somewhat. It didn’t work. In fact, the past year has seen significantly more Star Swirl the Bearded-related havoc in Cambridle than any time since you were expelled a hundred years ago. Is your student still alive, Professor the Bearded? I know she has been seen around town, and is signed up to take her exam today, but I’m sure a stallion of your intellect could arrange that without her.”

“Clover is doing very well, thank you for asking,” Star Swirl replied. “I expect her to excel today.”

“I’m sure you do. I have also been told you recently destroyed one of the frat houses.” Cinch looked thoughtful. “While part of me thinks I should thank you for that, I would appreciate it if you go through the proper channels next time.”

Star Swirl shifted his stance and cleared his throat. “Dean Cinch, I wanted to schedule the time for my lecture. Frankly, last time I was notified much too late. I had to move the entire month around to make it. I will assume that was not the intention, because I’m nice like that.”

“Do you see that pony over there?” Dean Cinch pointed a hoof to one of the teachers, who was conferencing with a herbology supplier and a pencilmaker. “Do you know what he’s doing?”

Star Swirl looked. “I believe he is plotting to overthrow you, Dean Cinch.”

Cinch snorted. “They always do that. No, Professor the Bearded, he is teaching. He is trying to better equip his students. He is trying to attract more minds to his classes, which means more money to his field of research, which means, yes, more power and influence to him which he will someday attempt to leverage into a capture of the Dean’s office. But until that day comes, he is helping. He is working within the system to make the institution stronger. Do you know what your problem is, Professor the Bearded? You can’t play nice with others. You refuse to work within the system, but expect the system to accommodate you anyway. Tell me, Professor the Bearded, when was the last time you helped attract anything to Cambridle except angry letters?”

Star Swirl’s face was impassive, unreadable. “I am a very popular lecturer,” he said. “Even though I only get one lecture a year, it always fills the house. I don’t encourage notions of heroism, Dean Cinch, but unicorns come to Cambridle from far and wide to hear me speak.”

Dean Cinch sighed heavily, regretfully. “Yes,” she said, looking off into the distance. “You have a reputation, Professor the Bearded. Young ponies hear stories of your history, and they come to hear your words, and see you in the flesh… But then once they do, many of the best and brightest turn and leave. I would warn them before the lecture, but thanks to my foolish predecessors I am not allowed to. I even try to keep them quiet afterwards, try to convince them to stay, to convince their parents that you haven’t done any lasting damage, and most of the time I succeed. But it is an added strain on our resources.” She fell silent for a moment. “Sooner or later it’s going to catch up to all of us, and the university’s reputation will suffer for it.”

The two unicorns looked at each other warily. Star Swirl drew a breath. “You know, I have saved the world more than once this past year alone.”

Cinch shrugged. “If you want gratitude, go ask the Unicorn King,” she said. “You have received an honorary professor’s chair, the only pony ever to do so. You get to lecture to impressionable young students, and leave us to pick up the broken shards you leave behind you. I’m not sure what else you want from us. Perhaps you think the entire world owes you a debt, but I’m not sure why we specifically should be required to repay it.”

She took a sip from her cup of coffee, and her entire body convulsed before she calmed herself again. “Oh, that’s good… You will have your lecture, Professor the Bearded. But don’t kid yourself about why that is. Good day.”

She turned and walked away, leaving Star Swirl behind. He remained there for a moment, watching her in silence, before he withdrew.

Ginny and Tarsus had waited, and observed the entire encounter. “That went about as well as I had hoped,” Star Swirl said. Tarsus opened his mouth to speak, but a warning glance from Star Swirl cut him short.

Ginny let out a low hissing whistle between her teeth. “That was painful to watch, Star Swirl.”

Star Swirl shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

Ginny pursed her lips tightly. “Why are you here, Star Swirl?” She asked. “At Cambridle. I remember the old days. You never belonged here. Is this just stubborn pride, trying to reclaim something you once lost?”

Star Swirl stirred. “Do you think I’m still a little colt? That I’m just trying to prove myself?”

“I don’t know,” Ginny admitted. “Do you know, Clover came by the library to see me last week? She was preparing for her exams. She had a lot to talk about.”

“Clover is doing very well for herself,” Star Swirl replied. “She has followed my teachings to the best of her abilities. I’m very proud of her.”

Ginny sighed. “That is exactly what I’m worried about.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I know that Clover is a very dutiful young pony,” Ginny said. “She is intelligent. Hard-working. Resourceful. Tenacious. She could do great things. But one thing I’m afraid she doesn’t understand is the sunk cost fallacy.” Ginny turned a sharp eye on the stallion. “She believes in you, Star Swirl. But tell me, has anypony but yourself ever been able to make your methods work?”

Star Swirl was stone-faced. “I have full faith in Clover’s abilities.”

“It is not her abilities I am worried about, Star Swirl. Your methods are very far from what the university exams are meant to measure. Can she bridge that gap? Or have you lead her too far astray already? Are you doing this for Clover, or for yourself?” Ginny did not blink, and her gaze went straight through him. “That’s what I worry about. The university might be willing to throw away a few gifted students on the margins, but if Clover gets burned because of her trust in you, then I shall be very cross with you, Star Swirl.”

Star Swirl met her gaze, and smiled. “Clover knows what she’s doing,” he said. “I expect her to pass with flying colors.”

“Oh, they don’t use flying colors to designate top grades anymore,” Ginny said. “Flying ink got to be too expensive.”

“What? How come?”

“Grade inflation and a huge increase in the student population.”

“That’s a bleeding shame,” Star Swirl said wistfully. “I liked watching the colors fly.”

– – –

In the clock tower atop the New Old Hall the bell rang out the hour, signaling for all the students to flock in and find their seats.

Clover followed, deep in thought, barely acknowledging the crowds around her.

Exams, Clover. Work first.

Professor Quick Quill stood at the head of the room with a small army of elderly mares and stallions come to observe the bright minds of the new generation, and get some spending money from the university for the privilege. A huge hourglass, as tall as two ponies on top of each other, would mark the available time in the most ominous fashion the faculty had yet been able to devise.

The exam watchers passed out the papers, and Professor Quill gave everyone what was supposed to be a reassuring smile before he declared the exam begun, and flipped the hourglass.

As the first grains of sands trickled through, Clover flipped over the cover sheet on her exam and read the questions.

First question: Explain the Canter Spring Equation, and relate it to the Hollow Hull Hypothesis.

Huh. Well, that’s easy. I can do this in no time. Let’s say ten pages explaining the permutations of the Equation, and five pages on the Hypothesis, and another twenty-five pages explaining how they interact and express themselves in different manifestations…

Seriously, Dad, you decided to tell me you’re leaving Mom on the day of my first-year exam? Talk about your bedside manner.

She spent the next twenty minutes staring angrily at her quill and imagining exactly what she would say to her father the next time she saw him. She ignored the intense scribbling that filled the room from all around her.

Okay, time to get to work. Exam. No problem. I know this stuff. I know this stuff better than anypony else here, probably. She picked up her quill in her grip and looked at the traditionally-inadequate inkwell she had been granted. Okay, that’s not really enough for fifteen pages total, much less fifteen pages about the Canter Spring Equation. They’re not seriously expecting me to answer this whole exam with this little ink, are they? How’s that supposed to be possible?

Oh, right, they’re expecting everypony to give rushed and sloppy answers… Well, I guess that beats attacking the other students to capture their extra ink by force, like they did in the old days.

Star Swirl once told me he got tired of buying ink and had learned to transmute his own out of anything he had lying around. I thought that was kind of silly of him, but I did read the spell. How did it go again? Can I master it in the time I have for writing the exam?

Okay, so in order to properly answer this exam I have to remember and master a spell that isn’t part of the first year classes, slow down time, overcome the entire culture and accumulated body of traditions of the entire university… am I missing something?

...Professor Star Swirl foresaw something. He couldn’t tell me what it was, but could this be it? That in order to successfully complete my exams I’d have to overcome this additional challenge? Demonstrate not just that I have mastery of the material, but also mastery of my own emotions?

I can do this. I’ve been tutored by the greatest wizard in the world. I just need to ask myself, what would Star Swirl do if his parents suddenly interrupted his work with emotionally upsetting news? Well, it just so happens that I’ve actually seen that happen! He… Well, he tried to deny it was happening and then he acted like nothing was wrong and then he almost killed himself trying to fight the ghost of his own alternate-universe double.

She thought about that one for a minute.

The truth is, Star Swirl’s method for dealing with this kind of problem is to just not let anypony get close enough to him that they can hurt him like this. Right now I can sort of see where he’s coming from. She frowned, staring down at her desk. But that’s the one lesson I didn’t want to learn. I tried so hard to show him he didn’t have to do that.

Isn’t it just typical that the exam is all about that one thing you could never wrap your head around?

…I can do this my own way. The Clover way. That’s how we got out of the rift. I need to use what I know. That’s the key: I must find a solution to this problem even where Star Swirl the Bearded couldn’t.

Here goes.

“The Canter Spring Equation,” she wrote, “functions rather like a broken marriage, in that all its parts are fields of force moving at high velocity and in erratic orbits with no care as to who gets hurt.”

She violently crossed the first sentence out and slumped forward over her desk.

So this is how my career as a student ends, is it? After a year of studies under the greatest wizard of the age, I am done in by my inability to concentrate?

I can do this. I just need to focus, and lay a plan. What would a successful outcome look like?

I can make do with giving only a bare-bones summary of the Equation and the Hypothesis. Then I can describe only the most common effects they create together. I have enough time and ink for that.

Meanwhile, if any other student tries to ambush me and steal my ink I can easily set up a minor shield to buy myself time. Historically, around 13% of students will give up after the first page and leave, which will free up more inkwells but there will be a rush by the remaining students to grab them. I’ve got to be alert to any opportunity. If I can grab just one, that should push my answer up significantly, and that can’t be any harder than keeping up with Star Swirl’s alchemy lessons.

“You can do this, Clover,” said Princess Platinum behind Clover’s ear. “You explored the Temple of Forgotten Doom and escaped unharmed! My old playmate isn’t going to be done in by some overblown magic exam.” Thanks for the vote of confidence, Platinum. “No problem at all. Also, I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable last time we spoke. I’ve worked through my feelings and I definitely don’t have any excessive emotional burdens to lay on your shoulders. I’m just happy to be your friend.”

With a wail and a burst of flame, the first student surrendered to the exam, and Clover was there with a comforting smile and seized the extra ink before the hungry glares of a dozen other students. The same happened a second time, and a third, and Clover set about writing her answer in full. The pages flew out from under her quill into a neat stack.

She was four fifths done with the exam, and the hourglass was about to run out, when a commotion erupted from behind her, and a commanding voice cried out for the proceedings to pause. Clover knew that voice well. “Mom?”

“Oh Clover!” Ivy Cordelia cried as she embraced her daughter. “I’m so sorry for everything! Now I see how we pushed all our baggage onto your back. Well now we’re going to make it all up to you! Your father and I have just had a long discussion and we’ve rediscovered the flame that made our love true all those years ago. We’re going to stay together, and nothing is ever going to tear us apart!”

“And it’s all thanks to you, kid,” Weather Vane said, beaming with fatherly pride as he patted Clover’s back. “Your compassion and insight made me realize how insensitive I was acting. Once I thought about what’s really important in life, my course was clear. We love you, Clover.”

Clover burst into tears from happiness. “I love you too, mom and dad,” she said, wiping her cheek with a hoof. “This is the best day ever!”

“Well, I think this should count as the best exam performance the Academy has ever seen!” said Dean Cinch. “Clover, for your astonishing achievement here today, we have had to come up with a brand new top grade just for you! I hereby award you the grade of Panmega Plus!”

“Clover!” A breathless Star Swirl the Bearded burst into the exam hall. “The alignment of Orion with the Waterpony is happening aeons ahead of schedule, and only the two of us can discover why! There’s a dragon waiting for us outside. Grab your bubble hat – we are going to OUTER SPACE!”

Clover’s ears popped, and she was back in her chair, staring down at the paper.

She drew a deep breath, dipped her quill in her well and began to write her introductory sentence when the wall beside her exploded. A huge boulder blasted through the hall and smashed into the opposite wall, leaving a trail of rubble and smashed desks in its wake. A cloud of dust filled the air. A dozen students had been thrown from their seats, and there were screams and panic as confusion and fear rippled through the hall.

Clover’s heart froze up in her chest, and she stared wide-eyed and unblinking at the scene before her. All the ponies who had been in the boulder’s firing line were at least crawling away, stunned and shaking. She had just started running towards them to help when she heard from outside the newly formed entrance a shouted command to advance, and a platoon of armed and armored ponies came rushing into the hall.

They swiftly surrounded the students and the elderly exam watchers. The fallen ponies were pulled up on their hooves, and dozens of confused and horrified exam writers looked up at the chaos unfolding, back down to their unfinished papers, and up again.

Clover found herself jostled along by the attacking ponies, and the fruits of her education kicked in: stay calm and observe.

She took in the scene. The attackers did not look like an army, even though somepony had done their best to give them something like uniforms. There were a number of different groups, wearing different colors of plain dress cut from whole cloth, as though the designer had asked themselves ‘how can I dress up two hundred ponies in matching outfits tomorrow as quickly and cheaply as possible?’ and had decided to go with plain dyed fabric with an emblem stitched to the collar. The emblem showed an upturned hoof, raised to the sky.

The ponies themselves seemed to come from all walks of life. There was a gruff, scarred earth pony who looked like he had been to Tartarus and back, and next to him was a middle-aged unicorn with a double chin and glasses, and the two worked together to round up the students from their seats and gather them together. There was a gentle-looking young mare with two bunnies riding on her back and a huge spear resting against her shoulder, and what looked like a mad baker, eyes twitching, her grin ragged and dangerous, barricading the front gate.

Whatever they were, they worked together well and quickly seized control of the hall, the students all herded together in a cluster in the center. Two of them pinned down Professor Quill while another two tipped over the giant hourglass. It fell to the floor with a surprisingly muffled thud, and did not shatter, and it was clear the ponies tipping it were disappointed with this anticlimax. Nonetheless, the sands stopped running, and thus marked the untimely end of the exam proceedings.

“Ponies, tenSHUN!” one earth pony yelled. “Make way for the Conqueror of Cambridle! All hail the Hoof!”

In the hole, clambering over shattered stone and trying to look dignified, there came a procession of ponies, and Clover immediately recognized the pony in the lead. “Chocolate Bunnies?”

“Oh, hi Clover! What’s up?”

– – –

On the green, the attack was also proceeding, and the usual intrigue of the academy was interrupted by intrigue from outside.

“This is our cutthroat professional gathering,” Dean Cinch impatiently explained to the pony who was trying to take her prisoner. “This is the Cambridle Academy of Magic, the foremost arcane school in the Unicorn Kingdom, not some petty trading outpost to be passed off from one bandit lord to another! I don’t know who you think you are, but the university will not stand for ponies barging in here and attempting to seize control without so much as a thesis statement! You can go to the admissions office and deliver your papers like everypony else!”

“Yeah, and this is a knife, lady!” Cutting Edge replied. “So go stand by the wall already!”

Knives can’t cut knowledge!

Across the green, one of the invading ponies had attempted to prod Star Swirl towards the others with the butt of his spear. Star Swirl had briefly lit his horn, and the spear had fallen from the pony’s grip to the ground. The pony was currently attempting to lift it, but since it weighed the same as a small house, he was having limited success.

Star Swirl took in the scene all around him. “It seems we are surrounded.”

Ginny looked around her, and nodded. Then she sipped her tea.

Star Swirl turned a wary eye on the librarian. “Were you expecting this to happen, Ginny?”

“Well, I didn’t have the details of the plan,” Ginny said. “But the Siblinghood of the Hoof came to the The Mystical Order of Librarians a month ago to learn our position. The Grandmaster relayed the Order’s traditional statement of neutrality: ‘We were here before your ancestors learned to hit things with rocks, and we will remain here long after you crumble to dust. Begone, and trouble us not’.”

Star Swirl frowned. “Don’t tell me you agreed to that. You’re not to the type to play neutral.”

“As an Elder of the Order, I am bound to uphold the Grandmaster’s decision,” she said with just a hint of bitterness. “Regimes come and go. Today, the Siblinghood of the Hoof topples Cambridle. Tomorrow somepony else will topple the Hoof in turn. I cannot take sides in this battle. What about you?”

Star Swirl glanced around him, taking in the appearance of a flock of different ponies, with different allegiances, wearing different clothes and sporting different styles, all under the same hoof-adorned banner. Inside, Clover was writing her exam. “I am considering the situation.”

Ginny pursed her lips. “You’re the adventurer, Star Swirl. These are a bunch of academics. If anypony is going to fight them it should be you.”

He sniffed the air, and frowned. “Thick with magic… But not the Academy’s magic. Something very strange is going on here. This feels like…”

Let it happen.

He looked towards the New Old Hall, deep in thought, and whispered: “Like somepony else’s challenge.”

– – –

“To think, I was afraid I might hurt somepony, and cause a panic,” Chocolate Bunnies said to Clover as the two of them climbed the stairs to the mezzanine overlooking the exam hall. They were flanked by one teen colt and one middle-aged mare carrying sabers in their mouths, and Clover made sure not to make any sudden moves. From above Clover saw her fellow students being rounded up, and led away. “But this has turned out great! The Academy now belongs to the Siblinghood of the Hoof, and I’m hanging out with one of my best friends! The Hoof is very pleased.”

“That’s… that’s great, Bunnies,” Clover said. She looked out a window as they passed it by. Outside she saw a swarm of ponies in the polyforms of the Hoof occupying the academy grounds, and the device that had smashed through the wall: a bizarre wooden sculpture of a huge creature made up of mismatched animal parts, a long body lounging against a throne of uneven stones and ceramic jugs atop a massive concrete block, with what appeared to be an exquisitely-carved wooden brook pouring down from the creature’s ear. It held one arm straight up, a solid wooden beam from which rope connected to a large sheet of thick fabric that two ponies were loading up with another big boulder.

Clover gulped. Okay, maybe this is what Star Swirl the Bearded foresaw. This could be part of my challenge: save the school and bring the exam back on track. I can be Clover of Cambridle, Heroine of the Academy. I can do this.

She cleared her throat. “Well, Bunnies, this is… Well, it’s rather sudden. You realize that, right? Would you mind, I dunno, maybe telling me what this is all about?”

“I was a little unsure at first myself,” Chocolate Bunnies admitted happily. “I never really thought of myself as the pony to lead a revolution and usher in a new world, you know? But once I got started, it turned out it’s really easy!”

“Right. Right,” Clover muttered as she walked along beside her old roommate. “The thing is, Bunnies, this revolution of yours interrupted my exam. That’s kind of an issue for me. And I think it’s an issue for a lot of ponies. I want to talk about that. Would you mind, I dunno, telling your ponies to stop what they’re doing and maybe let me get back to writing my paper about the Canter Spring Equation? I was sort of pressed for time to begin with.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Clover,” Bunnies said. “It turns out it’s easy to start a revolution, but it’s a bit harder to stop them. But nothing to worry about! Once I am named as the new Dean of the Academy of Magic, as my first order of business I will declare that everypony who lived through the glorious revolution will automatically be awarded top marks! With flying colors!”

Clover nodded, her mind racing as she wondered how to deal with this. “Bunnies, strange as it is for me to say this, I think there are actually kind of a lot of students back downstairs who would rather do their exams in the normal way.”

“Oh I know! I was just an ordinary student like you once,” Chocolate Bunnies said. “I worried about classes, and reading, and homework, and exams, and paying the rent… But that all changed when I found the Hoof. It was right there, at the end of my leg!” She held up her leg to demonstrate. “And it has helped me so much!”

“Hooves are… very useful, yes,” Clover conceded. “But Bunnies, I’m not sure you fully understand what—”

“You bet!” Chocolate Bunnies said, grinning. “Thanks to the Hoof, my Siblinghood has taken over all of Cambridle! No more will the city be run by stodgy old ponies who are blind to the world around them! No more will they deny a voice to the rest of us! From now on, the Siblinghood of the Hoof will see that everypony has a fair chance! My lieutenants and I will take care of everything!”

“Yeah, about that,” said a pink stallion from behind them. “Chocolate Bunnies? We, the leaders of the Servitors of Discord, Cambridle Chapter, are hereby deposing you and seizing control of the Siblinghood and the Revolution, in the name of Lord Discord.”

– – –

A few weeks earlier, in a barn.

“This is interesting,” Silk Road said to her companions. “Elta Belta Pony was our biggest rival for influence with the student community. With the destruction of the EBP frat house, there’s a power vacuum in the academy. We must accelerate our plans accordingly.”

Gallopsky blinked and focused his eyes on the piece of paper in front of him: the latest report from his contact at the animal shelter, telling him that the weapons had arrived town undetected and that they were ready to move on his order.

It was one in a long series of similar reports from a dozen different groups across the city, informing him of supplies, horsepower, reconnaissance, the submission of his rivals and the weakness of his adversaries. The revolution was finally coming.

“You know,” he said to his fellow former leaders of the Cult of Discord (Cambridle chapter), current lieutenants of the Hoof, “I kind of thought winning would be a lot more fun than this.”

“Whatever do you mean?” said Silk Road, the unicorn mare of the trio. “I’m having a marvelous time!”

“Well, you like being stuck behind a desk reading organizational charts and quarterly progress reports,” Gallopsky replied, pushing the stack of papers aside. “This isn’t why I got into this!”

“This is what it takes to make an effective organization,” Silk Road began, launching into the explanation she had delivered a hundred times before, each time a little less patient than the last. “It takes work. It takes dedication, and research into what works and what doesn’t, and a willingness to adapt.”

“We’re the Servitors of Discord!” Gallopsky cried out in frustration. “We’re worshipers of chaos! We shouldn’t care about whether or not it works!”

“And that’s why none of it ever did! Because when it was just us, you were only interested in building ever-more elaborate Discord carnival floats!”

He snorted. “A revolution without carnival floats is a revolution that’s not worth having.”

“Well, Cutting Edge seems happy enough with her work,” Silk Road said, looking across the barn to where the third of them worked.

The pegasus mare with wild spiky mane and a pair of knives for a cutie mark was hovering over a stash of artwork, mechanical parts, and knife blades. The wall behind her had a big poster on it bearing the words “The Arts and Crafts of War”.

“Don’t try to hide behind me, Silk Pyjamas,” Cutting Edge said. “You never liked any of my ideas. Yeah I’m happy. Unlike you, Bunnies appreciates what I bring to the stable.”

“That’s because your ideas were all ridiculously impractical and made us a laughing stock across Cambridle!” Silk Road cried. “And I told you to stop using that nickname!”

Cutting Edge chuckled to herself. “Whatever.”

“This isn’t fun anymore,” Gallopsky muttered, rubbing his temples with his hooves. “Even watching you two go at each other doesn’t seem right anymore. It used to be fun. We used to work together towards a common goal but with three wildly different approaches towards elevating Discord, and not care that none of them ever worked because we were all growing closer together and getting a deeper understanding of ourselves and of chaos in the process and we all knew that someday our time would come. But now we’re going to actually seize power in Cambridle and it isn’t any fun!” He slammed his head against the desk. “We lost the thread, everypony. We’re not doing this for Lord Discord. Discord wouldn’t like this at all.”

“You can speak for yourself,” Silk Road huffed. “I always cared that none of it worked. I wanted us to succeed! I wanted to break the shackles of the hierarchy and force the traditionalists to acknowledge our demands! To break the established hold on power and bring freedom of spirit!”

“You wanted to find another way to get to the top because you were left off the ladder when you were born to a lowly shopkeeper,” Cutting Edge interjected.

“That is completely untrue and you know it!”

“Come on, Edge,” Gallopsky said, turning his eye to the pegasus. “You were more excited about chaos than anypony I’ve ever met. You used to make exploding baked goods for fun! You wanted to open ponies’ minds, and change their way of looking at the world! You can’t tell me you’re really satisfied making munitions that are only going to be used to ‘hold off the city guard’ while somepony else ‘cuts off their reinforcements’. That doesn’t sound like the Cutting Edge I know. She’d want to light up the sky in a thousand different colors, until ponies think it will never go back to normal!”

The pegasus said nothing, but plopped down on her haunch and turned away. “…Honestly, this is getting pretty boring,” she muttered. “After I finished the trebuchet everything has been a letdown by comparison. I love each of these things. But doing like a whole bunch of every single one them? That’s not creating. That’s just reproducing.”

“We gave up our principles in exchange for power,” Gallopsky said under his breath. “We made a Deal with Discord, and it didn’t even benefit Discord! We’re the worst Discordians ever.”

Silk Road glared at her comrades. “Look, we all agreed to this.”

“No we didn’t,” Gallopsky said.

“Yes we did! We took a vote and we all voted in favor! That’s what agreement means!”

Gallopsky huffed and crossed his forelegs. “I remember that day very differently.”

“Guh!” Silk Road buried her face in her hooves. “...Alright then, fine. Gallopsky? What do you think happened that day?”

“Well, you were all for it.”

“Yes. Because coalition politics is a good way for a small group to gain greater influence, and sad to say we are a small group and we needed it.” Silk Road looked at her companions, frazzled and unhappy. “It’s not like this was a new idea. I’d been trying to find collaborators all over Cambridle for two years! But there just aren’t many ponies who are willing to give Lord Discord a chance. We can’t afford to give up a potential ally!”

Gallopsky rolled his eyes. “Yeah. You said so. Nopony cares. The point is… That’s what you thought. And Cutting Edge?”

“Yeah?”

“You voted in favor. What did you think that meant?”

Cutting Edge shrugged. “Chocolate Bunnies was my roommate back in art school. We’re friends. Of course I said yes.”

“Exactly,” Gallopsky said with a sigh. “And I saw that I was outnumbered two to one, and I got flustered, and I agreed to go along with it even though I wasn’t at all convinced this was a good idea because otherwise the Discordians Cambridle Chapter would get torn apart, and there would be a lot of hurt feelings on all sides, and I know you two and I know that neither of you would ever admit that this was a bad idea if you thought it meant I’d say ‘I told you so’.”

Both Silk Road and Cutting Edge glanced away with frowns that clearly said ‘well, you’re not wrong’.

“Exactly,” Gallopsky said. “Come on, guys. We’re Discordians. We only have each other. Yeah, I voted in favor. Because I knew that the only way we would get through this was together. And we’re still together! But come on. You know this isn’t chaos. You know this isn’t what we wanted. Are we really going to abandon Lord Discord just for a promise of cushy jobs in a city government under somepony who takes her orders from some other cosmic being entirely, whose commitment to chaos is lackluster at best?”

Cutting Edge drooped, and slumped down over the floor. Silk Road averted her gaze in shame. “...So what are you proposing that we do?” The unicorn’s voice was barely more than a whisper.

“I have an idea,” he said. “It’s… kind of traditional.” He winced. “But it’s chaotic traditional.”

“Go on.”

“After the last battle, when the smoke has cleared and Cambridle belongs to the Hoof… We depose Chocolate Bunnies in a coup, and seize power for Lord Discord.”

Silk Road and Cutting Edge both looked uncertain. “Hear me out,” Gallopsky said, raising a hoof. “We don’t need to hurt her, or anything. We give her every honor that Discord bestows to his followers, we thank her for all the work she’s done for the revolution, and we give her some nice important-sounding title in the new regime, like, um, I dunno, like—”

“President of the Revolutionary Convention?”

“Right, like that. And we make ourselves secretaries of administration and enforcement. And then we have all the power, and we can start fighting among ourselves about how best to use it. The ensuing power struggle will shake Cambridle to its foundation, and everypony will see what Lord Discord is really capable of!”

The three of them looked back and forth between each other, trying to puzzle out what the others were thinking.

Cutting Edge broke the silence first. “Honestly, that sounds like more fun than finding another eighty ways to paint the same hoof grenade.”

“You realize, of course, that this means giving up everything we’ve gained,” Silk Road said curtly.

Gallopsky shook his head. “No it doesn’t. No it doesn’t, because we get recognition. Because now everypony in Cambridle will know that the Discordians are worth taking seriously. Because we’ll still have all the contacts and all the alliances we’ve made. Come on, Silk. This is a realignment in Cambridle that’ll have repercussions for many years to come. You of all ponies can take advantage of that.”

The unicorn mare leaned back in her chair. “...Much as it pains me to admit it, you make some good points.”

“So it’s decided?” Gallopsky looked back and forth between his two comrades. “Once we have Cambridle, the Discordians will pull the plug on the Siblinghood of the Hoof, and bring back the Revolution.”

– – –

“And so here we are,” Gallopsky concluded, with Silk Road and Cutting Edge nodding behind him. “So, you know, you can just go ahead and surrender now.”

Chocolate Bunnies blurted out sounds of shock and anger. “You – you treacherous little – the Hoof is not pleased about this!”

She shook her hoof at him. He glanced away awkwardly.

“I told you she wasn’t going to go quietly,” Silk Road muttered. “That’s why we came prepared. Animal Shelter Brigade, seize Chocolate Bunnies!”

The two ponies with scimitars in their mouths stepped forward, their eyes locked on Chocolate Bunnies.

Alright, this must be what Star Swirl foresaw.

Clover drew a deep breath and stepped forward.

“Hi, everypony! Let’s all just calm down and talk about this, shall we?” Clover said, loudly and cheerfully, as she took up position between the two sides. “You know what this situation calls for? Conflict resolution through impartial mediation!”

The scimitar-wielding ponies halted, looking back to the Discordians for instructions. The Discordians, Clover saw, were no less surprised. “...Who are you?” Gallopsky asked.

“I’m Clover Cordelia,” Clover said, smiling aggressively into the pink pony’s face. “You can call me Clover. I had diplomacy lessons when I was four, and I’m not afraid to use them.”

For the moment everything was peaceful as all eyes focused on her, and she nodded internally. So far so good. Victory for Clover the Cool-Headed, peacefully resolving a tense situation! This is your time to shine. Let’s bring this home. She cleared her throat loudly. “Let’s talk about what you all want! Now, you all have divergent interests, and, well, I don’t actually know who you are or what you want but I do know that there’s room for a compromise that will satisfy everypony, provided that you’re all willing to enter into a reasonable discussion. So what do you say? Let’s get started!”

“Back off, lady,” Cutting Edge growled. “This is a revolution. You don’t want to get involved.”

Clover rolled her eyes. “Uh huh. Listen, after a year with Star Swirl the Bearded, this is foal’s play.” She glanced from Cutting Edge to her companions. “So you, Discordians, was it? You want, and correct me if I’m wrong here, to gain credibility in the eyes of society for your cause. And you,” she turned around, realized it was probably a bad idea to turn her back to the heavily armed cultists, and turned half-way back, “Chocolate Bunnies, you want to, um, seize control of the university in the name of your hoof. For some reason. Now, I’m just an impartial observer here… Well, mostly, but it seems to me that your goals are not actually contradictory. So what if we all put down our weapons, and sit down to talk, and try to reach some kind of agreement that everypony can be happy with.” She grinned. “And then, and this is my favorite part, all the students downstairs can sit down and continue working on their exams in peace, and nopony interrupts them again. And that can be my little fee for serving as your mediator, and I won’t ask anything else. Shall we get started?”

“Wait, I know who she is!” Silk Road said. “She’s the, mm, you know, the apprentice, of the mad wizard. You must have heard of her.”

“That’s her?” Gallopsky asked. “I heard she was dead.”

“I’m not dead!” Clover shot back angrily. “I don’t know why ponies say that! I’ve hardly been in deadly peril at all! Like, once or twice, tops!”

“Well, if she’s already dead then I’m gonna shank her,” Cutting Edge said.

“We’re never going to get anywhere if you’re not willing to engage peacefully with your fellows,” Clover said.

“Smoke bomb!” Chocolate Bunnies shouted, and threw something to the floor. True to her word, it exploded in a cloud of thick black smoke that blinded all present. Clover felt herself being bodily picked up in somepony’s magic, and then she was pulled along while behind her the Siblinghood of the Hoof coughed in the cloud.

“Get her!” Silk Road called out, between coughs. “She will try to reach her loyalists! Don’t let her get away!”

Clover turned to try to get a look at Bunnies. The floor raced by her upside-down, and then a staircase leading up, each step dangerously close to bashing her head. “Bunnies! Put me down! I had everything under control!”

“Quiet!” Bunnies shushed her as she ducked behind a corner. She glanced down the corridor both sides before setting off again, carrying Clover with her. “I have to find a way out of here, and reach the troops that are still loyal to me. Once I’m back in control I can put down this uprising without much trouble.”

Clover rolled her eyes. “DO you have any troops that are loyal to you?” Clover asked.

“I don’t know! There are traitors lurking everywhere.” Chocolate Bunnies ducked into another alcove and peered out in all directions. They heard hoofsteps running in the distance, but saw nopony. Bunnies scowled at the darkness. “After all I’ve done for them… I placed them in charge, I tasked them with recruitment, but somehow they managed to conceal their treachery from me. They were very cunning.”

Clover stared at her friend. “Bunnies… Those ponies were Discord cultists. You left the running of your revolution to Discord cultists. Did you really not imagine that something like this would happen?”

“The Hoof told me to seek them out! The Hoof wouldn’t lead me astray! It’s impossible!”

“Oh boy...” Clover rubbed her forehead. She could feel a headache coming on. “Alright, Bunnies, listen to me… We’re friends, right?”

Chocolate Bunnies nodded.

“I have a proposal,” Clover said. “I don’t know why you wanted this revolution in the first place. But if you agree to… I can’t believe I’m saying this, withdraw your army from the university and let the exams go on again, I’ll help you regain control of your rebellious troops. Deal?”

Bunnies’ eyes widened, and her face turned pale. “I can’t abandon the revolution now! We’re so close to victory!”

“Well, it’s either that, or you get deposed in a coup,” Clover said. “Right now you’re alone and cornered. If there’s one thing working with Star Swirl the Bearded has taught me, it’s that there’s always a way out if we keep a cool head and work together. But I need you on my side, Bunnies. What do you say?”

Clover could see the conflict play out across her friend’s face, a series of grimaces and frowns, by turns thoughtful and despairing, until finally she struck resignation hard. Her shoulders sagged, and she nodded.

Her magic dispersed, and Clover dropped lightly to the floor.

“I was hoping to get out of my exams through this,” Chocolate Bunnies said quietly. “I’ve been so busy I haven’t gotten to study for months.”

“There’s always next year. I’ll tutor you if you like. I’m good at this stuff,” Clover said, and Bunnies nodded without feeling it. “But now, come on. We need to get out of the building without being spotted by your, um, enemies. Do you know if there’s somepony out there you can trust?”

“…Well, the Guardian of the Tombs seems to like me,” Bunnies said. “He’s sworn his loyalty to me alone. He and his followers are guarding the street in front of the New Old Hall. If we can get to the far side of the building I can rally them to my side. But the Discordians will be blocking all the exits.”

“Maybe not all the exits,” Clover said with a grin. “They’ll be expecting us to try to get down. So we’ll head up instead. If we can get out on the rooftops, we can find a way to get down the side of the building.”

Clover and Bunnies both glanced around the corner, and saw nopony.

A quick but stealthy trot lead them to the staircase, and from below they heard the sounds of rebels organizing a search. They quietly climbed the stairs, hearing the hoofsteps from below getting more distant.

Clover smiled. And so Clover the Elusive sneaks past her attackers and brings her charge to safety! It’s a shame Star Swirl couldn’t join me. He would definitely approve of this plan.

The next step on the staircase creaked under her hooves, and the voice of Silk Road shouted from below, “They’re above us!”

“You’ll never get me alive!” Chocolate Bunnies cried out, and Clover once again found herself suspended mid-air as her friend legged it up the stairs. Clover squealed as, once again, she hung upside-down watching as the steps of the staircase repeatedly came to within an inch of bashing against her head.

They rose up higher on what was now a spiral staircase with walls on all sides and no floor between until, after a minute of constant sprinting that had Bunnies getting more winded with each passing moment, they ran out of up. The topmost level was a little wooden structure with a door and nothing else, and Bunnies stumbled through it, gasping for breath and pulling Clover along behind her. “Well – we made it – to the roof.”

Clover looked down, and there was a great deal of down to see. They were on a narrow square platform. She was suspended mid-air a few feet above the floor, but also a few feet past where the floor ended.

The roof of the New Old Hall was far below them, and the ground was farther down still. Directly below her Clover saw the green, where the faculty potluck lunch was likewise dealing with sudden occupation.

“Bunnies?” Clover asked. “Are we on top of the clock tower?”

Bunnies’ breathing was heavy, and it took a second before she answered. “Yes. We are.”

Clover nodded her head. “Bunnies? I would really appreciate it if you would gently place me down on the roof right now. Will you do that for me?”

“There’s nothing to worry about, Clover! The Hoof has everything under control!”

Hoofsteps came up the stairs behind them, and the three Discordians emerged from the doorway onto the narrow rooftop, with more ponies packed onto the stairs behind them.

“Come on, Bunnies,” Gallopsky said, flanked by Silk Road and Cutting Edge, the pegasus hovering outside the platform. “Let’s not make this any harder than it has to be.”

“Never!” Chocolate Bunnies reared up on her hindlegs. “I haven’t come this far to be stopped now! You treacherous dogs will rue the day you defied the will of the Hoof!”

“There’s no reason to start throwing around ethnic slurs,” muttered the leader of the animal shelter brigade.

“Oh, screw this,” Cutting Edge muttered. “I’m going for it!”

The pegasus flew straight into Chocolate Bunnies and tackled her, and at the moment of impact Clover felt herself jostled violently where she hung. She yelped, her legs sprawled and kicked in a panic as she felt herself get thrown about like a rag doll.

From inside her cloak, Clover’s small hoof-shaped jar of salt tumbled out of its pocket and fell, just before the magic field winked out entirely and Clover dropped like a stone.

Maybe Star Swirl didn’t foresee any of this at all, she thought as she watched the ground come closer. Well, I guess this makes for a slightly better story than flunking out of my exams.

The potluck lunch table stood directly below her, and she was falling towards the center. Directly below her was a small cauldron of porridge, and not far away were Star Swirl, Ginny, and Tarsus. They were all looking the other way, locked in argument with the attackers.

The hoof-shaped jar of salt tumbled through the air right below her, right in front of her eyes, twisting and turning as it fell, and she found herself focusing on it as the world came up to meet her.

It hit the cauldron with great force, and there was an explosion of light and color, and then everything went dark.