Edited by TuxOKC.
It was a stark, round stone room, with a high domed ceiling. Seven great columns, carved with runes infused with powerful containment magic, supported the massive structure. The columns stretched up two hundred feet. Galleries had been built into them, encircling between them and the inner walls, with three rows of stone seats. The first level was at twenty feet, with others every ten for five stories. Two thousand ponies could fill them. At the moment, it was empty, save for a few select observers. All eyes were focused at the center of the floor, upon a raised dais. A single column of light bathed the center of the floor from the center of the dome high above. A figure, loathed and feared was chained to the dais.
A pair of thrones —one bearing the mark of the sun, the other of the crescent moon— were at ground floor facing the dais. They were opposite from a pair of massive enchanted doors hewn from the same oak tree and inlaid with silver. Two of the most powerful and most ancient of beings known to Equines sat upon those thrones, to pass judgement. They were the Princesses Celestia and Luna, alicorns and the Diarchy of Equestria.
On either side of them in smaller chairs sat two more alicorns, also princesses. On Celestia’s side was Twilight Sparkle, a former student of the alabaster alicorn. Next to Luna sat the Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, or just Cadence. Next to Twilight sat a unicorn with a light purple coat and sporting a darker mane with an aquamarine streak through it. Her name was Starlight Glimmer and it was she who was responsible for the chained figure that was glowering in spite. Next to Starlight sat yet another figure, one who was perhaps the most uncomfortable individual in the building, the former changeling Thorax.
Princess Celestia and her sister Princess Luna were both contemplating the prisoner. A hard decision was to be made. A most important one, for before them, hissing under her breath and fighting the nullifying ring set upon her crooked horn was none other than Chrysalis, former Queen of the Changelings. She had once been the greatest threat to Equestria, having come close to bringing the great nation to its knees. Chrysalis had once turned Twilight’s friends against her, posing as Cadence, and had even defeated Celestia in combat.
Yet here she was, without her changelings, without her kingdom, and without her crown.
“Mmrph!” she growled, or tried to say, if not for the muzzle clamping her mouth shut. It was very uncomfortable. “Argh ragh rmmph!” Chrysalis went on in a garbled snarl followed by a spiteful hiss. Her eyes locked onto Starlight Glimmer. “Grrrrmph!”
“What did she say?” asked Luna, tilting her head to one side.
“I think she said the sheriff is near,” replied Celestia, blinking her eyes as she studied the fallen changeling queen. Was that amusement in her tone?
“Petty revenge speech,” Twilight offered, without looking up from a book she was reading. ‘Astrophysics for Geniuses’ was the title. Beneath the title and in smaller print were the words ‘Your IQ must be over 180 to read this book!’. The back of the book had a picture of Stephen Hawking. “Typical one dimensional villain talk.”
Chrysalis appeared hurt by the purple alicorn’s words. “Hunguh?”
“Yes, you are,” answered the intellectual alicorn without bothering to look up from her reading.
“Hunguh!” protested the changeling.
“Mom,” Thorax began, stepping forward and looking sad. “Mom, this is probably going to be your only chance at redemption. You can’t throw it away! Don’t you want to be like me, like my brothers and sisters, your children?”
Chrysalis reared back, her ears plastered against her skull as an expression of Ultimate Horror tore across her visage. She shook her head in wild motions, making panicked bug horse noises. The horrified changeling buzzed her wings, trying to fly away, but the chains held her fast. Her legs were hobbled by a pair of Clubs, meant for automobile steering wheels. One set kept her front legs locked while another did the same for her back legs. Curse those holes up and down the lengths of her legs!
“Thorax,” Starlight said, standing next to her friend, “she won’t change. Some ponies,” —Chrysalis landed with a heavy thud and snarled as loud as she could at the unicorn— “just won’t accept they need to change for the better. It could be for any reason. I’m sorry.”
Thorax sighed, his gummy body heaving with his great breath. Hanging his head, he stepped back, buzzing his wings. He snorted through his Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer nose. “Maybe you’re right, Starlight, but I can’t help but hold some hope for her. She is still my mother and I love her, even if she is a vile and evil monster.”
Chrysalis harrumphed about as much as her muzzled mouth would allow. Rolling her eyes, she assumed a sitting position and stared up at the first level gallery. Twilight’s friends were all sitting up there, having popcorn and drinks. They were having a grand old time. Even Discord was up there, though he was wearing an odd red and black outfit covering from the top of his draconequus head to the tip of his draconequus tail. He had been the judge, sitting and listening, or so Chrysalis had been assured multiple times by the Lord of Chaos. Discord had spent much of the past three days attacking a coloring book with a dazzling assortment of crayons. His creations had been spilling off the pages, dashing out the doors and openings to do whatever it was living crayon creations did when unleashed upon the mortal world.
At least he wasn’t in that floating chair again.
Princess Mi Amore Cadenza cleared her throat, garnering the former queen’s attention.
Chrysalis hissed at her.
“I’m so glad to see our relationship hasn’t changed,” quipped Cadence with a smile. She wished Flurry Heart was here, to see what happens to vile, evil things. Her adorableness might have cured the changeling mare, at least to the point of making her more pliable. “However, after much discussion behind closed doors involving a hookah, we princesses have come to a consensus. For the past three days, Chrysalis, you have been brought here to listen to our deliberations, to hear the arguments both for and against you. The crimes you have committed are many and all of them heinous. As your accuser, I have pushed hard to see that you get what’s coming to you!”
“Objection!” cried Discord, leaning over the stone railing in the gallery up above. “Not enough helium!” He blinked from existence, only to appear next to Cadence. A large cylinder with hoses coming from it was tucked under his arm. At the end of the hoses were plastic breathing masks. He picked one up and put it over the alicorn’s muzzle. “Breathe deeply!”
Cadence protested, finding herself inhaling even as Discord turned the knob at the top of the cylinder. Once he was satisfied, he pulled away the mask and gave himself a dose of the gas. He pulled it away, grinning at Chrysalis, then at the other alicorns. “See? So much better!” he squeaked, his voice much, much higher now. “This is how you take court seriously!”
Cadence was not amused.
Chrysalis stared, ready to pull her mane out at its roots because of Discord’s antics. It never ceased! Yesterday, there had been a pie fight and every soul in the room used her as target practice! The day before that, he had little orange and white versions of himself dancing around the dais, singing something about ‘Oompa oompa, oompity-doo’, or something like that. Her hatred and fear of the draconequus grew with each passing day.
Discord had insisted on presiding, as he was the only party of immortals not affected by Chrysalis, though the changeling had taken Fluttershy. He held It against Chrysalis, though he swore on his title as Lord of Chaos he would not hold it against her. It was, of course, a walking hairball four feet tall Discord called his cousin. Its long fur itched when Discord pressed Cousin It against the former queen’s cheek.
“He’s adorable!” Discord had assured her, “and housebroken!”
For the past three days, Discord had held It against Chrysalis. It smelled bad.
“Discord!” Cadence wheezed, her voice so high pitched and full of high outrage, “This is serious! You haven’t taken any of this seriously!” She turned to him, flapping her wings and stamping a hoof in protest.
“Oh, but I have!” proclaimed the Chaosbringer. He offered the mask to Celestia and Luna. “Helium?” he offered with a hopeful smile.
“No thanks, we’re full,” the princesses said in one voice.
“We do need to get this wrapped up,” Celestia told him. “We do have a country to run and I fear Blueblood might start a revolt if we leave him in charge for much longer.”
“Indeed,” agreed her sister as she adjusted her tiara with a hoof. “I am reading complaints in regards to your nephew.” Luna pulled up a manilla envelope from behind her throne and leafed through it with her magic. Clucking her tongue, she put it away, arched a brow at her sister, and gave Celestia a sympathetic smile.
“How charming,” the elder sister said. She turned her attention to Chrysalis. “As much as we would like to delve more into the details of the crimes against you, Queen of the Changelings, there are things that require our attention than cannot be left unattended for much longer.”
“Like cake?” Luna suggested with a smirk.
“Or moonpies,” countered Celestia.
“Pax?”
“Pax.”
They shook hooves.
Chrysalis huffed. “Urgh hrm on!” Her eyes blazed with unmitigated rage.
“After much deliberation,” Cadence declared in her helium-infused voice, “I think I have a solution. However, before I bring forth my suggestion and present it to the present parties, I do believe I want to point out the one thing that might have driven Chrysalis down the path she inevitably chose for herself and her family.”
“I agree with Princess Chipmunk,” Discord said as he swiveled in his floating chair. Taking another pull of helium from the tank, he beckoned for Cadence to continue. “Let us hear this point. I hope it is not dull!”
Cadence smiled. It was a tired smile, one borne from the antics of dealing with the likes of Discord. In retrospect, it really was not all that much different from raising Flurry Heart, though she was far more adorable than the chaotic creature. “Thank you,” she squeaked. “There has been one glaring thing about Chrysalis that has never been addressed. Dare I say it has even been ignored? Such stress in her life no doubt aided in her making the wrong choices. A single mother, raising thousands, alone and without the benefit of any aid from the local community.”
Twilight looked up for a brief moment, “She sucked her neighbors dry.” She went back to her book. “It’s all on file.”
“True,” Cadence allowed with a nod. “Very true. But I think it also points at the core of the problem. Chrysalis,” —she gestured at the angry changeling— “is a single mother. She has never known a stable home. My proposal would be on a trial basis, with weekly observation, with the intent on developing her ability to spend time and cohabitate with another adult.”
Celestia perked her ears forward, one brow rising in a perfect arc. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”
“Cadence, your voice sounds ridiculous!” Luna noted with a straight face.
“Isn’t it charming?” Discord gushed.
Chrysalis let out a long-suffering sigh. “Khgg meh,” she said.
Celestia waved a hoof. “Everypony, please let us stick to the matter at hoof. Cadence, do tell what you have in mind. Does the defense object?”
Twilight shook her head, pausing from her reading long enough to mutter, “Nope.” Stephen Hawking’s words beckoned, and like a well educated moth drawn to an intellectual flame, she dove right back into her reading.
Celestia stared at her former pupil and sighed, “Why am I not surprised?”
Cadence’s voice cut through the echoes of Twilight’s single word reply. “Chrysalis needs a stallion in her life, one that will put up with her, well, everything.” She was shaking a hoof at the bound changeling as she spoke. Flicking her tail, she began to walk slowly around the changeling, as if looking at her with fresh eyes.
Chrysalis narrowed her eyes hard at the alicorn, having a difficult time. Chains were not noted for their ease of movement for those who were adorned with them. Something of a mix between a growl and a hiss followed after Cadence, the fallen queen’s tail lashing in anger. She was shaking her head slowly, convinced the pink alicorn was suggesting the unthinkable.
“Temper, temper,” Discord warned, wagging his lion’s paw at the changeling. His eagle claw drummed on the armrest of his overstuffed floating chair. “I think Lovebutt is on to something here!” he chortled. “Do continue! This is sounding like music to my ears!” A small Mariachi band of little Discords were marching around his head, going in and out of his ears.
“Mmmrgh!” Chrysalis screamed. Her eyes had gone round and flashed in her rage. The chains rattled and the suppression ring around the base of her horn sparked. Her wings buzzed, reckless and wild, yet her restraints held fast.
“I know,” Discord said in a conversational tone. “The two of us are the only ones in character, aren’t we?” His yellow and red eyes danced with insane mischief. “I wonder what sort of mad, crazy, wonderful things are going to happen! I wonder what Cadence is going to suggest for your punishment! I think I know. I think you know. I think everypony here knows! All that remains to be spoken is the suggestion itself. Drumroll, please!”
He snapped his fingers and had a snare drum on his lap. It had its own drumsticks that began to roll at the command of his will.
“Discord,” Cadence sighed.
“The suspense! The anticipation! I wish to judge! The apple pie, the key lime pie, or the American pie? I didn’t drive my Chevy to the levy for nothing!” Discord spun in the air on his chair, cackling with glee.
Princess Mi Amore Cadenza drew herself up to her full height, staring at Chrysalis with a critical eye. She took in a deep breath, then swung her gaze to her adoptive aunts, Celestia and Luna. Her eyes fell upon and lingered for a moment on Twilight, before shifting to Starlight Glimmer and Thorax. Then, her eyes returned to Chrysalis, settling upon her bound form, lips set in a straight and thin line.
“You need a husband,” she told the fallen queen.
Chrysalis’ eyes bugged from their sockets. “Mrumph??”
The alicorn turned her head and craned to look up at Discord, who was hovering nearby and leaning to the side of his chair and towards her. His chair was tilting towards her, listing more and more until it was at a ninety degree angle to the ground.
“What?” Discord asked with keen intelligence.
“Good luck with that,” Twilight said without looking up from her reading. “I don’t think a blind, deaf, and dumb idiot would want to shack up with that old hag.”
Her comment outraged the queen, for some reason.
“I mean, just look at her; she selfish, rude, has this sense of self entitlement. She’s a waste of a stallion’s efforts, Cadence. Just turn her to stone or throw her into Tartarus, or something.” She looked up and smiled at Luna. “Thanks for getting me this book, Luna! This Hawking person is remarkably intelligent!”
“You are most welcome, Twilight,” Luna smiled back at her.
Chrysalis by now was frothing at the mouth as she began struggling at her bonds, her eyes having rolled murderous red as they honed in on the indifferent bookworm princess. Veins were pulsing along her forehead.
“I assume you have plan, O Princess of Love?” inquired the draconequus, curious as his attention shifted between Cadence and the raging changeling. His attention was more on the lovely rage on display for all to see.
“I do.” Cadence smiled, looking to her peers. They all (except for Twilight) nodded, offering smiles of encouragement. Confident in her plan, she magicked a list to appear in front of her. “I have a list of potential candidates. Their names were carefully chosen. This is a most important project and it is one I have decided needs to be taken seriously. I have discussed it extensively with my fellow princesses and we have all agreed this the best road of reformation for Chrysalis.”
She turned to Chrysalis, who was hissing and spitting like a wet cat. A very large, very dangerous, and darn near immobile wet cat. “I am going to get you married, Chrysalis. I am going to find you a husband if it’s the last thing I do. I am going to find you a husband even if it kills you!”
“Whaggh?” shrieked Chrysalis. “Agh dun waggah hubbad!”
“What did she say?” Luna asked Celestia.
“She just said she thought this was a wonderful idea and can’t wait to avoid a life as a stone monument to idiocy in my Royal Garden.”
“You mean ‘our’ Royal Garden, yes?”
“Of course, Lulu.”
“Pax?”
“Pax.”
The two sisters shook hooves.
Starlight Glimmer was confused. “I thought this was a trial to judge and sentence one of the worst villains in Equestrian history,” she said, making owlish eyes.
“It is, my apprentice,” Twilight assured her. She turned a page, humming as she indulged herself. “As princesses, it is our job to make sure the best harmony is used and that every villain, no matter how old, vile, and no matter how all used up, should be given a chance at redemption. This was a desperate act after two all nighters and four dozen pots of coffee. Three seasons ago, I would have wigged out and made this into another Want-It-Need-It debacle.” She licked her hoof and turned another page. “I’d like to think I am a much wiser mare, now. Top minds were in on making this decision, Star.”
“But—”
“Top. Minds.”
Thorax was sitting on his haunches, lost in thought. “Does this mean…?”
Starlight looked at her friend. “What is it, Thorax? Are you all right?”
“Oh, I’m fine!” His gummy eyes lifted and went to his hole-y mother. “If Mom gets married, then that means I get to have a dad!”
“I suppose that’s one way to look at it,” the unicorn conceded, smiling at Thorax. It seemed a bit forced.
Discord had been considering the proposal, having taken the list Cadence had brought in and examining it closely. His eyes popped out of their sockets and waltzed over the parchment. After several moments of wandering over the names on the list, they popped back into his skull. “I like it,” he declared with manic glee. “This has my Stamp of Approval! I shall declare this Bug Pony Horse Waifu train-wreck-to-be officially on track!”
The Diarchy of Equestria that were the Princesses Celestia and Luna, both considered Discord’s words before looking to each other. They nodded, turned their heads to the draconequus, and cried, “Make it so!”
Everypony ignored the shriek of protest from Chrysalis. Only the Clubs through the holes in her legs prevented her from pulling her mane out in frustration at this point.