//------------------------------// // Zulu: Lost in Translation Woods // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// Zen Zeal marched his army through the canyons. He marched at the front of his legions, keeping pace his troops. The magic that coursed through them made him look like just another zebra but really, he was every zebra. Zebra magic worked similarly to pony magic; their wooden spears and shields were like horns, their potions were like energy and their rhythmic beats were like the casting of specific spells. In essence, their army was a giant spell, a single feat of magic cast continually and moving across the land. A coincidence indeed, considering they were seen as a "curse" upon the land. They stopped in front of the ruined fountain. He stepped out of formation for just a moment and tapped the plaque in the half-crumbled base. "Peace prevails...," he read. "Heh," he gestured around him with his spear and said, "not if this is all you do with it." He looked around. His army was assembled, he was on the very edge of zebra territory, yet there was no enemy in sight. No sign of Dan or his band of delinquent deviants. Zen walked to the side, still forced to use his spear as a cane, back to where Spike and the other prisoners were being held. "Your friends are late." "Unless they're already here," Spike fired back, angry. The zebra leaned to where the dragon was strapped to one of his soldiers. "I would know if they were here. Believe me, I would know." "My friends aren't cowards!" Spike yelled. "They'll... they'll fight you, I know they will! They wouldn't give up now!" Zen grinned. "The purple one uses you to send important messages, does she not? Perhaps soon, she'll be sending her terms of unconditional surrender?" The dragon scowled. "Not likely. They said they can beat you here. Your magic won't work on your own territory." "It is the legend of which he speaks- yours," Zecora said, strapped to the zebra behind him. "The way to finally defeat you and end these wars." The zebra scowled. He ran up to his soon-to-be-bride. "I am unstoppable. THAT is my legend. My army is invincible and I shall crush all who oppose me; THAT is my destiny!" He snarled at her, hoping to quash whatever hope she held onto. But even upside down and tied to the back of one of his legionaries, he could tell she was grinning at him. "And it is true that no matter how you act-" "Stop it. STOP rhyming." "You were bound to lose some time," she said. "Stop it." "And that's-" "No." "A fact." "Arrrraaaagaaah!" he roared. He drew his spear and brought it down, pressing it against her stomach. "Perhaps you shall not see our wedding day after all! I could skewer you here among the ruins of your failed friendship with these pitiful ponies!" "Um, question," Blast Fuse waved from somewhere in the back. "Should I be concerned I'm strapped to this guy's butt?" "I can be strapped to something else, if that's cool," Powder added. "Ewww, Powdy, stop making it weird." "We're tied up to zebra-butt," Fusey countered. "And this isn't even the weirdest thing we've been in." "Yeah. Denver's weird." "SHUT UP!!" the general yelled. "All of you, the next one to talk is-" *kreeetch* Zen turned. His army motioned with him, all at once. At the edge of the tree line on the other side of the park, he saw a figure. He saw it from every pair of eyes his troops had, part of it, anyway. Something had moved just beyond the trees and then retreated. "Eyes? Visual? Anyone?" he asked, already knowing the answer. "Heh," Spike chuckled. "I think that might be them..." But Zen ignored the tiny dragon. He began beating his shield, commanded "Forward, all," and moved in step with his forces. Zen Zeal and his army crossed the proverbial Rubicon, stepping on the pieces of the broken statue within the ruined fountain. The golden plaque was dislodged by the massive army's movements and landed face-first on the ground. He marched with his forces into the forest. Unlike the park, a dense white mist covered the area, even obscuring the sky. It was like a blanket of fog but not as thick, obscuring only the distance but not the sunlight above. Dense enough mist to cloud but not enough to darken, it stretched from tree to tree and surrounded them. Zeal had used such mist before. It was perfect for ambush tactics. Zen Zeal smiled. "You've tried traps before but not with this terrain. Very good, Dan- you're learning," he said, loud enough for it to almost echo through the trees. Only the sound of the breeze swishing through the branches answered him. He walked up to one of the trees. Thick trees, they had a crystal-like sheen to them. "Baffor trees," Zeal said. He reached out and pressed his hoof on one of their trunks. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, the scent of them filling the air like volcanic ash. In this moment, he stopped being the zebra Zen Zeal and was Czulkang Lah again. He pressed his hand back against the tree. When he pulled it back again, his palm and taloned fingers were red. But he felt nothing. "Once, these trees would have undone me," he remarked. He looked back to his army, a legion of Yuuzhan Vong warriors standing with weapons drawn. "Long ago, the Baffor would have undone us all. Now, they are but reeds to us!" he shouted. He raised his spear, a zebra again. "We are the greatest army this or any other universe has ever seen! Do you hear me, Antilles?! My youth is restored, my new form is perfected and my faith is undiminished! I AM UNBEATABLE!!!" But nothing answered him. He looked around, searching for some sign of the enemy, some response from Dan or his forces. Only silence. Not even his prisoners said a word. He looked and listened for a few long moments before finally returning to formation and forcing this army to march on. After what felt like hours, Blast Fuse finally said, "I think we're lost." "That's funny, cuz I thought we were lost the last time we passed a foreboding mist tree." "I know, me too. But that was like twenty foreboding mist trees ago." The sisters then had a simultaneous thought. And because of telepathy, they shared it. "Yes. We are so going to make creepy tree bombs for Nightmare Night." "Ohmaigawsh that's gonna be so-" "Silence!" Zeal shushed them, suddenly appearing as the zebra beside them. Blast Powder raised an eyebrow. "Can you turn into the zebras we're attached to?" "That would be so weird." Two zebras smacked them both with their shields. "Quiet. Or you'll find out-" "Exactly what I can turn into." "Ho crap," Blast Fuse said. "They just did the thing that we do!" "I know, right! That's our-" the zebras smacked them again. "Ow! Fine, sheesh." Zeal continued leading his forces. They traveled what felt like north but he quickly realized he had very little way of knowing. After a few starts and stops and what felt like hours after that, Blast Fuse finally broke the silence by saying, "You're lost." He ignored her at first. Then finally said, "I am not lost." "That's exactly what somepony would say-" "-if they were lost." "Silence." He stopped his army and stood out in front of them with his spear. Holding the wooden weapon out in front of him, he hoped to douse with it. He pointed it every way he could, trying to feel through the wood which path was the right one. But the wood didn't speak to him. He felt nothing. "Where are you?!" He roared, yelling into the mist. He spun around frantically, searching. "Show yourselves! Face me, Dan!!" Only the sound of the trees gently swaying replied. "I think this might've been a bad idea," a voice said. "Yeah. Not gonna lie, starting to have second thoughts," another one said. Spike looked up. Those voices hadn't come from him or the other prisoners. They were different voices... and they came from the zebras. "Shut up!" another zebra, this one sounding like Zen, yelled. "All of you, shut up!" Zen Zeal ordered. He beat his spear on his shield to marshal his army. *klam-klam-klam-klam-klam-klam* And all around them, the trees began to glow. *Klum-klum, klum-klum-klum* *Klum-klum-klum-klum-klum* The zebras in Zeal's army tried to mimic his beats but couldn't. Zen Zeal tried again. *KLAM-KLAM-KLAM-KLAM* *Klummidy-klum-klum, klum-klummidy-klum* "Hey, nice beat," Gary Busey said, randomly walking through the mist. Zen Zeal spun around but Gary was already gone. "What trickery is this?! Antilles, if this is more of your deception, I will not-" *KLANG!* Dan smacked him in the face with his Pain Cane. "You're gonna be red all over when I'm done with you, Zippy!" Zeal swiped at the human with his spear but by the time he brought his weapon down, Dan had vanished. A parasol tip jabbed him in the shoulder, almost knocking him over. "You guys brought this on yourselves! EEEP!" Phoenix yiped. Zeal attempted to backhand the lawyer with his shield but the spot where he had been was vacant. The zebra slashed only at empty space. "Where are you?!!" he roared. "Stand and face me!!" Neither of the humans were there. Had they even been there to begin with? "Who are you talking to?" a zebra asked. "He was talking to them!" "Who's them?" "They were, just a moment ago!" "SILENCE! SILENCE, ALL OF YOU!" Zeal shouted. He beat his shield again. *KLAMKLAMKLAMKLAMKLAM* *Klum-klum, klum-klum, klum-klum-klum-kloooom* The trees rhythmically glowed again. "AAARRRGH!" Zeal shouted. "Get in formation! Now, march!" he ordered. And the zebras obeyed. He marched them back through the mist. More time passed. It felt like the sun should have set, but the mist obscured everything. In reality, it had only been about twenty minutes since they'd left the park. Yeah, it was that bad. Pretty messed up, huh? I mean, the other characters have fourth-wall powers or whatever, but Zeal was cracking so much under pressure that he was actually starting to hear what the narrator said. "Who is saying that?!" Zeal said, frantically looking around. "Show yourselves... at once! Or... or I shall burn down this whole forest!!" "I'm afraid..." one of the zebras said, curling up. "I want to go home." "We are home." "Yay?" "No, I mean home home." "Where is home?" Blast Fuse looked around. The zebra she was attached to was trembling. She slipped out of her bindings and down to the ground. "What's going on here?" "They're all... afraid," her sister answered. "They're all Zen Zeal," Zecora said, climbing off her own captor. "And now, the fear for them is real." "SHUT UP!! ALL OF YOU, SHUT UP!!" Zeal bellowed. He grabbed his ears, like a thousand voices were whispering in them. But in reality, it was only one voice: his own. He chucked his spear at a tree but the point couldn't penetrate the bark. "What's going on?" "We have to get out of here!!" "I saw something!!" "WHERE?!" "OVER THERE! OVER THERE!!" The ground shook. Heavy rumbles reverberated through the ground, shaking the trees as a figure approached from the mist. Tuxley walked towards the zebras, appearing out of the mist like it was the late cretaceous. He regarded them all with a tip of his hat. "Good afternoon, Mr. Zeal, is it? I believe I was sent to give a message to you." The large reptile retrieved a note from his vest pocket and a pair of reading glasses. "*Ahem* Rar." "DINOSAUR!!!" The zebras panicked. Zen Zeal panicked. In that brief instant, they dropped their weapons, their prisoners and ran panicked into the woods. Spike, Zecora and the others gathered as the zebras fled. "Tuxley, good job!" Spike said. "Of course, I would've added a little fire-breathing, really scared the stripes off of 'em. You know." "I- of course you would have, Master Spike," the dino said, offering a polite bow. "Is this all part of Dan's plan?" Little Strongheart asked. She and her fellow buffalo and Appleloosians gathered some of the zebra weapons. Tuxley raised a claw. "Quite a few plans, actually, all combined into one larger plan. It's quite inspired." "Really?" the Blasties asked in unison. "Tell us! Tell us!" So he did.