BONUS: AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE EVERYTHING IS CONSTANTLY SCREAMING!!!!!
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Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, five-time winner of the National Equestrian Speed Reading Competition, and all-around pretty swell mare, was back at it again.
It had been a couple of months, a few weeks, and one or two days since the initial incident with the whole “Left Universe Debacle,” as it had become to be known, and she was preparing yet another venture into an alternate universe.
See, in the ensuing time since then, she had made six separate forays into other alternate universes with the intent to study them, all with varying degrees of success.
There had been one where everything had been the same, except the color blue was called ‘jeel,’ and another where the concept of ‘walking’ had never been invented, and everyone just ran everywhere all the time (Twilight had certainly brought some mind-blowing revelations to that world).
And now, she was gearing up for her seventh expedition through the Cutie Map portal.
It was exciting, to say the least.
Twilight was always happy to learn new things, and had certainly taken a great interest in the subject of alternate universes.
The Cutie Map, on the other hand, was not at all happy about being used in such a manner, but had now begrudgingly resigned itself to its new purpose.
Presently, Twilight finished her preparations and turned to Spike, who was sitting just off to the side. “Well, I’m all set here.” She strapped her rather hefty saddlebags to her back. “I shouldn’t be too long.”
Spike glanced up from the comic he was reading, “Mmm-hmm. I’ll be here for the other Twilight who comes through.”
“Do you have your checklist?”
“Yup.” He set down his comic and held up the clipboard that lying next to him. “I’ve got this, Twi. I’ve done this six times now. Nothing will happen.”
“Okay okay. Just making sure.” She smiled at him. “I’ll see you soon.”
“See ya.”
And with that, Twilight stepped up to the table and cast the spell that would open up the portal.
The Cutie Map flared to life and the familiar swirling vortex appeared above her.
The portal to an alternative timeline.
With only one more glance back at Spike, Twilight leapt into the portal, eager to experience whatever was on the other side, no matter how mundane it might be.
If only she knew what was actually waiting for her.
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“AAAAHHH!” AHHH AHH, ARGH AAAAAAAHHHH AAAWWW AAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH. “AAAAAAAAA… AAAAAAAAAHHHH AAAAAH AAAAWWWWWWWWW AAHHHHHHHHH AAAAAHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH?”
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“AH ARGH, AAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHH AAAHHH ARGH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA AAHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH AAHHHHHH AHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA OOHHHHH.”
“AH?” AHHH AAAAAHHHH, ARGH OOOOOHHHHH. “AAHHHHHH ARGH AAAHHHH AAAAHHH AAAAIIIIIEEE AAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH. AAAHHH AAAAAAAAA AH ARGH EEEIII AAH AAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH AAHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH–OW!”
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHH. “ROAR AHHH AAHHHHHH? AAAHHHH…” ARGH AAAHHHH. AAAAIIIIIEEE AAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHH AAAAWWWWWWWWW AAAAAHHHH AAAHHH. AAAAAHHHH…
AAAHHH ARGH.
OH AAAHH.
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRROOH!
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…AAH?
ARRHH. AAAHHH.
AAHHHHHH ROAR WOAH. AAAAAH AAAAAAAAAHHHH AAAARRHHH OWWWWW AAAHHHH ROAR WOAH AAAHHH…AAAHHH.
AAAARRHHH AAAHHHH AAHHHHHH AHHH, AAAAIIIIIEEE AAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, AHHH AH AAAAAAAAAHHHH AAAHHH. AH aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh ARGH AAAHHHH AAH.
AAAARRHHH AAHHHHHH AAAAAHHHH ROAR WOAH AAAHHHH AAAHHH.
AAAHHHH? AH AARRRRGGHH AAHHHHHH. AHHH ROAR AAAHHH (EEEEEEEE AHHH ARRROOO, AAAAIIIIIEEE, AHH AAAAAHHHH AAAHHH ARGH).
AH AAAIIIEEE ARGH AARRRRGGHH.
AH AAAIIIEEE ARGH WOAH.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHH EEEK AAAAAHHHHH AAAAAHHHH.
“AAAHH, AAAH,” AAAAHHH, “AAAAWWWWWW?”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OOOOOHHHHH. “ARRROOO AAAHHH! AH—” ARGH AAAHHHHAAAHHHH. “—AAAIIIEEE. AAHHHHHH AAAHHH!”
“AAHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA AAAHHH. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH AAHHHHHH.”
“AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH AARRRRGGHH AH AARRRRGGHH ARGH.”
“AH? HHAA AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH AARRRRGGHH AAAAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH AAAIIIEEE ARGH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA, AAAHHH, HHAA AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH EEEIII.”
AHHH, AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ARGH. “…ROAR AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA AAHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA?”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH AAAIIIEEE ARGH AH AAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AW AAAAAAAAAHHHH ARGH AAAHHHH AAH.
HHAA AAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH AAHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAIIIEEE ARGHAW AAAAAAAAAHHHH ARGH AAAHHHH, AAAAIIIIIEEE.
AAHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHH…AAAHHH. AAAHHH.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH ROAR AARRRRGGHH AAAHHH.
AHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. UUUUUUUUUUUAAHH?
HHAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
ARGH!
AAAHHH ARGH AAAHHHH, AAAAAHHHH.
AH AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAHHH AHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHH ARGH, HHAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAA ARRROOO.
AHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
AHHH OOOWWWW AAAAAHHHH AAAAIIIIIEEE.
AAAAIIIIIEEE.
HHAA.
ARGH AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAHH AAAAIIIIIEEE.
“AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH ARGH.”
AHH AAAAHHH.
“AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH ARGH.” AHHH.
AAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.
AAAHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHH AAAHHH.
AW AAAAAAAAAHHHH.
AAAHHH OOOWWWW ARGH AAAHHHH AAH.
AAAHHH ARGH AAAHHHH.
AW AAAAAAAAAHHHH.
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Twilight Sparkle appeared in a flash of light, finally back in her own reality, in her own throne room.
For a short moment, she was confused, dazed, momentarily stunned by the long, arduous, and incredibly entertaining events that had taken place the other universe.
She blinked, took a slight step forwards, and then she collapsed to the floor.
Spike, who was still there, ran over to her, worried out of his mind. “Twilight! What happened!”
The mare in question took deep, gasping breaths and clutched at her ears as if they were in the most unimaginable pain possible. She didn’t even acknowledge Spike’s words.
“Twilight! Twilight! You’re okay! It’s okay!” He pulled her hooves away from her ears in a desperate bid to help her, not knowing quite what was going on.
Her ears were bleeding.
Spike’s eyes widened at that, and he didn’t know what to do.
“Twilight,” he said, enveloping her in a hug, “Twilight, it’s okay. You’re home. Everything is okay.”
Twilight stiffened at his touch, opened one of eyes and looked at Spike.
And then she sat up and looked around, blood still trickling from her ears.
She was back in her own universe again.
She hadn’t even realized it.
She was home.
And there was Spike, standing there, watching on in worry.
And not screaming.
He wasn’t screaming.
She repressed a shudder and cast a simple healing spell on her ears, repairing the damage done to them. Her eardrums had burst at some point, and she hadn’t even been able to hear.
But now, she could, and she had never felt more relieved in her entire life.
“Spike?” she said, cautiously. “Am I back?”
He nodded. “Yeah, you’re back, Twi. Don’t worry.”
With a deep breath, she straightened up, recollecting herself some.
This was her universe, her castle, her home.
Where everything was nice, and quiet, and not constantly screaming.
She smiled at him.
“Umm… What happened?” was what Spike asked next. The poor drake was awfully curious, and he needed to know if there was anything he could do to help.
“Screaming,” she stated simply, her eyes staring vacantly at nothing in particular.
“What?”
She looked back at him, her entire body trembling now. “Everything was screaming!”
He looked at her oddly. “…What do you mean, ‘everything?’”
She gripped him tight, her face alight with a manic energy. “Everything, Spike! Everything! Every! Thing!” She took a deep breath, steadying her nerves. When she spoke again, it was in a much more level tone. “Like, the ponies could not physically stop screaming. Even when they slept. They screamed. Constantly. And not just them, no. But everything. The blades of grass, every house, the sun, pieces of parchment, water. Everything.”
She slumped back down to the floor, wiping at the now dried blood on her ears. “…It was terrible…” she said in a whisper. “It was horrible… I couldn’t even think… It—It was all just screaming…”
“I have some idea what it must’ve been like,” he said.
Twilight gave him a look that very much told him that he really didn’t know what it had been like.
But he pressed on regardless. “I mean, not really, of course. I can imagine. But, I do understand a little bit. That universe’s Twilight was here, with me, and she just screamed the whole time too. We couldn’t communicate at all. She just screamed. I don’t even want to think what you had to deal with.”
Twilight nodded slowly. “Yeah. Let’s just never speak of this again. I’d really like to erase it from my memory.”
“That’s fine with me.”
There was a brief moment of silence, of which Twilight cherished like never before.
“Do we still have those industrial-strength sleeping pills?” she asked. “I really need to sleep right now. I don’t think I can even do anything else.” She repressed yet another shudder.
“Yeah, I’ll go get them.”
And he did so, and Twilight slept for the next two days, and the two of them never spoke of it ever again.
Though, Twilight did have to go to a therapist for over a year because she freaked out when anypony ever screamed near her. That had been an interesting time. Really put a damper on the whole saving the world thing she and the others had to do, as there was generally at least some screaming involved.
But so ends that ordeal.