//------------------------------// // 10. Good To The Last Drip // Story: Her Royal Morning Coffee // by Georg //------------------------------// Her Royal Morning Coffee Good To The Last Drip ~ ~ ☕ ~ ~ A week going by without incident would normally have made Dry Roast’s nerves settle. A week without a certain Princess Twilight Sparkle showing up in the darkest hour of the morning desiring coffee and a little sugar was not unprecedented over the last two years, although mostly corresponding to periods of time when she was gone with the rest of her friends off on some world-saving adventure.  The group had left Ponyville for a few days in the middle of the hiatus, but the next twilight did not dawn with a Twilight arising over his shop, which he was a little grateful and possibly just a tiny bit regretful about. That is not to say his mornings were princess-free. Princess Luna had taken to her early morning ‘slumming’ with great enthusiasm and even greater skill, seeking out the mysteries surrounding each and every piece of equipment in the store and triumphing over their skillful use as if she were defeating fierce enemies of Equestria.  In fact, she was a princess productively percolating perfect product every time.  The complicated espresso machine met its match, the mixer which bucked and complained under his grasp purred like a moon-kitten whenever Luna touched it, and the oven had never produced finer pastries. Even though most of what he sold came from somewhere else, that final step from field to customer was something Dry was very proud of.  The little balls of frozen dough from Sugarcube Corner still made perfect morning baked treats long before the store which had originated them opened their doors.  Golden Harvest’s carrot juice was good, but with just the right touches of herbs, spice, and heat, made happy smiles throughout the summer, and mixed with the right amount of hot chocolate in the winter, kept on giving joy.  And what he could do with Applejack’s apple spiced cider was probably criminal. The beans were the best.  The official method of roasting beans for the Starbuckers franchise was just one step short of charcoal, followed by ten days in a degassing chamber to release all the carbon dioxide in the poor charred beans.  That did not suit Dry Roast at all.  He had played with the mixture and composition of coffee beans for nearly twenty years so far, ever since he got his cutie mark helping his chemist father with the morning coffee. He still did not use timers or thermometers to judge when the beans had reached their perfect stage.  It was just a combination of touch and scent and instinct and listening for the sounds of popping to slow, sometimes driving him across the shop in the middle of an order to grab the hot beans out of the roaster with a simple spell to degass them, then feed the still toasty beans right into the grinder.  His ultimate goal was to finish the process just when the bell over the front door rang, so when that customer took her first sip and gave him a smile, it would leave him with a warm sensation under his ribs for hours.  It was the one aspect of coffee-making that Princess Luna struggled with, although she constantly improved under his close tutelage. This morning, he had everything perking and cooking under Luna’s expert supervision before his scheduled departure for the mechanical exposition in Coltana Falls.  It left him enough time to prepare a morning coffee for each of his traveling companions, plus enough time for Luna to scramble his thought processes in an unexpected way. “Fare thee well, sweet prince,” said Luna once Dry picked up the traveling carrier for the coffees and crumpets.  “Your quest to return with a suitable, how you say, conical burr grinder for your establishment shall be a success, for you carry with you the favor of your Princess of the Night.” That was all the warning he got before Luna kissed him. Once his mind slowly cleared, Dry Roast came to the conclusion that Twilight Sparkle had a lot to learn about… that.  Her prospective teacher had turned away and was floating a tray of crullers out of the oven, whistling a little happy tune with her tail swishing behind her.  Dry Roast took a few deep breaths while the fizzing neurons in his brain finished their lightning storm, but before he could speak, Luna turned and wordlessly pointed to the door. ~ ~ ☕ ~ ~ “I will never understand mares.” Applejack and Pinkie Pie gave Dry Roast similar perplexed looks while they boarded the train which was to take them all to Coltana Falls, although Pinkie Pie shook it off first with a giggle. “So is this about Twilight coming by your shop in the morning to give you hugs and kissies, Dry?  Because she’s been acting awfully strange this week.” “Ah suppose you’re the expert on strange behaviour, Pinkie,” said Applejack.  “Ah was just thinkin’ things were gettin’ back to normal, for a change.” “Luna kissed me,” said Dry Roast.  He gave the stunned mares a brief glance before floating the coffees he had brought over, one coal black with a tiny squirt of apple syrup and one apple/marshmallow/maple syrup with a tiny squirt of coffee, then sat down with a thud on the train bench.  “That’s not normal.  She said earlier how she and Celestia used to poach each other’s romantic interests and how she was looking forward to doing that with Twilight, but…” “On the lips or on the cheek?” asked Applejack, holding her coffee with no indication of drinking until certain more important informational activities were taken care of. “Right square on the lips.  And some more.  I think.  I wasn’t really thinking straight,” said Dry. “Do you think she’s trying to make Twilight jealous?” asked Pinkie Pie. “Think?”  Dry Roast took a sip of his own coffee, flavored with pumpkin spice and maple syrup.  “I quit thinking over a year ago.” “That would be back when Twilight first started locking lips with you at the coffee shop.”  Applejack pursed her lips in a deep thought that Dry Roast was justifiably afraid of where it might lead.  “Begging your pardon, Dry, but I never took you for no prince.” Dry Roast took another drink and wondered if the bar car would add a little something to his coffee so his hyperactive brain would calm down a little.  “I think… Luna’s teasing?” said Dry, with as much sincerity as he could muster, which could have been measured with a teaspoon.  “There’s no scandal to worry about, because she knows I won’t freak out and run to the newspapers, and… she’s a stinker like Rainbow Dash.” Pinkie Pie giggled.  “Rainbow Dash and I need to take her out pranking sometime.” Both Dry Roast and Applejack looked at Pinkie, then each simultaneously moved just a little bit away from her, in case it was contagious.  “Anyway,” continued Dry Roast, “Luna’s just being silly, and Twilight’s just sleepwalking.  I really need to get away from it all, and this trip will be just what my mind needed.  You two don’t want my lips, you just want me for the rest of my body, in particular, my ability to help pick out your purchases and my muscles to help carry them back to Ponyville.” “Don’t forget yer fine sense of taste,” said Applejack before finishing off her coffee. “Nopony else makes a marshmallow-syrup-coffee flurry like you,” said Pinkie Pie.  She proceeded to bury her nose in her cup and make bubbles before slurping the sugary mess up and swallowing it all in one gulp. Dry Roast chuckled and took a measured sip of his own coffee.  “Thanks, girls.  A whole day away from Ponyville and no princesses to raise my stress level.” The train gave a chuffing cough and began to move, although there was a distant “Wait…” coming from outside almost drowned out by the noise.  Then there was a sharp ‘pomph!’ that was not, because it corresponded to the abrupt arrival by teleportation of Ponyville’s newest princess and her dragon, both of whom wound up landing right on top of Dry Roast. To his professional credit, Dry Roast managed to save his coffee during the impact, even though Twilight Sparkle was nearly nose-to-nose with him.  Also to his credit, he did not use profanity in front of the youthful dragon, even when Twilight managed to step on something near and dear to him while scrambling to her hooves and moving away.  He did roll over onto his belly afterward, because he was not certain if he was bleeding, but if he was, it wasn’t serious, and he certainly did not need his battle wounds inspected by a young dragon or a crazy princess. “I’m sorry, Mister Roast,” babbled Twilight Sparkle once she had gotten her hooves under her and not on him.  “It’s just the percolator broke—” “Again,” said Spike. “—again,” admitted Twilight.  “Although they shouldn't be that flimsy and Rich’s Bargain Barn doesn’t carry anything tougher, so I thought I could go along with Applejack and Pinkie Pie on their hardware buying trip and save you the prince of the… I mean price of the tickets but you’re already on the train and it’s moving…” “I wonder if I’d get killed if I jumped off the train at this speed,” mused Dry Roast, a little louder than he had planned. Pinkie giggled and gave Twilight a hug, and then one for Spike.  “Oh, this is just great!  Dry was just telling us how Princess Luna kissed him before he left and now you can give him a kiss and we can compare how good a kissers each of you are.” “Maybe if I tried to hit the ground running,” said Dry. Applejack pushed her hat back on her head and nodded at where Dry Roast was sprawled out on the floor.  “Well, he did say Princess Luna was a gonna try poaching him away from you, Twi, so maybe you two should practice them kisses a little so you can put up a good fight for yer stallion.” “I could try to land head-first,” mused Dry.  “That should snap my neck and keep me from feeling pain.” “I’m not doing any kissing!” protested Twilight Sparkle.  She took a long drink from her appropriated foam coffee cup and scowled viciously at Applejack.  “I have no romantic interests in—” her gaze flickered over to Dry Roast, still sprawled out on the floor with his rump in the air “—him at all.” “You could have fooled me last week,” said Spike.  “The two of you were pretty locked together by the lips in the kitchen.”  He lowered his voice to a grumble.  “Even if it was disqualified from the pool.” “It was an involuntary reflex, most probably caused by changeling mental influence,” protested Twilight.  “In him.  Not me.  I’ve scanned my brain at least seven times now, and there’s nothing there!” Dry Roast kept his mouth shut, as did the rest of Twilight’s friends, although he had the misfortune of snorting just loud enough for her to hear.  Ever so slowly, the Princess of Friendship turned toward him and regarded his position with a scowl.  She took another long drink of coffee and snapped, “What’s so funny?” “Two things,” said Dry Roast.  “One, that the Princess of Friendship and Smiles can be such a—” he hesitated with his word choice due to Spike’s nearness “—pain in the flank without her coffee.” “I’ve got my coffee.  I’m fine,” snapped Twilight, taking another drink and finishing it off.  “What’s the second thing?” “That’s my coffee.  Or that was my coffee.” There was a certain element of humor in seeing Twilight Sparkle with her mouth open but no words coming out.  After a moment, she closed her mouth, regarded the empty foam ‘Java la Choza’ coffee container with a certain degree of repressed indignation, and placed it down on the bench with a hollow thunk.  “No wonder it tasted so bad,” she grumbled. “Sorry, Your Highness,” said Dry with as much of a bow as he could while belly-down on the floor of the train car.  “You could have always brought your own.” “I wanted to stop by Sugarcube Corner on our way, but somepony had to check their checklist a fourth time to make sure they hadn’t forgotten anything, and forgot to check the departure time of the train,” said Spike, sounding a little vindictive. “I told you I was sorry, Spike,” said Twilight, not sounding very sorry at all. “So what happened to your percolator at the castle, Twi?”  Applejack scooted a little over on her bench so Twilight would have space to sit down, which she did.  There was a corresponding empty spot beside Pinkie Pie which Dry Roast had thought about occupying, but decided his present position on the floor was far more defensible.  Besides, Spike shot him a glance seeming to ask permission to be seated there, which Dry confirmed with a nod. “It broke,” said Twilight. Spike cleared his throat.  “You taught me not to use passive voice when taking the blame for something.” “Somepony broke it,” said Twilight, which was not much of an improvement. “There’s only one pony living in your castle, Twilight,” said Pinkie Pie.  “Unless you have a dark pony made of shadow like the one at the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, or you’re secretly hiding a little cousin who isn’t really your cousin but a pony made out of dark magic and a blood sample and brought to life by a bunch of creepy cultists out in the Everfree—” “It wasn’t me,” snapped Twilight.  “It just… broke.” “The basket holding the grounds snapped off,” said Spike.  “Four mornings in a row.  She tried to fix it but the fixing spell doesn’t work if things are broken too many times and then she tried to brew coffee while holding the whole thing together in her magic and…”  He mimed an explosion, and from the way he was wiggling his fingers, fire.  It seemed to be a familiar motion for Spike. Dry really wanted to keep quiet, but could not hold it in.  “Spike, do you load up the percolator the night before so all you have to do in the morning is push a button?” “Yeah.”  The little dragon looked somewhat confused.  “Is that bad?” Suppressing his alchemy training, which could have detailed for several hours just why that was bad, Dry simply nodded.  “All of the ‘coffee smell’ gets away.  It dries out the grounds and makes the morning coffee not taste quite as good.  Apparently also,” he added with a sideways glance at Twilight, “it can leave a scent trail which leads sleepwalking princesses to graze on the coffee grounds.” “That’s a lie!” snapped Twilight, rising to her hooves and glaring down at Dry Roast as if she wanted to use him as a rug.  “Any evidence to the contrary is obviously forged by clever photographic techniques and…”  She trailed off at the looks the rest of her friends were giving her, scowled again at Dry Roast, then sat down with a grumpy frown.  “I disproved that theory completely, years ago,” she added in a low growl. ~ ~ ☕ ~ ~ It was just more comfortable for Dry Roast to take a seat at the other end of the train car, particularly after making a trip to the dining car and finding out all they had was instant coffee, the anti-coffee of the coffee world.  He settled into his bench with a mystery novel he had read several times already, which did not make it much of a mystery, but still a better option than sitting next to the simmering princess while waiting for the inevitable brew-up. He had just gotten to the point in his book where the hero on the train car was ambushed by the masked killer when Spike tapped him on the shoulder.  Thankfully, Twilight had already drank all of his coffee, or it would have gone flying farther than the book did. “What!  Um… I mean, what is it, Spike?”  Dry Roast smoothed out the book and tried to unwrinkle the pages so when his brother Rain Check brought it back to the castle library, he would not face the wrath of a frustrated librarian. “We’re almost there, but Twilight’s being Twilight and not wanting to talk to you about shopping for a new percolator, so I thought I’d come over and ask for some pointers.”  The little dragon produced a notebook and a quill, and nodded. “Oh.  That’s pretty smart.”  Dry Roast ran a hoof through his mane and thought briefly.  “You know, if I was an evil coffee fiend, I’d help you pick out the worst coffeemaker in Equestria so Princess Twilight Sparkle would be forced to come to my lair, hehahahaha.” Spike raised an eyebrow ridge.  “That’s not a very evil laugh.” “You are asking me to help buy something that will cut into my sales,” countered Dry Roast. “You know,” said Spike, tapping his quill against the notebook.  “I don’t think Shining Armor knows all the specific details about—” “You need something sturdy and foolproof,” said Dry rather quickly.  “With a sealed reservoir for the grounds and one for the water.  I don’t suppose she has a regular waking time to set a timer.” “Depends on how much she’s studying the night before,” said Spike with a shrug as he wrote.  “Or how much coffee she’s had in the middle of her study session.”  He paused.  “Or I suppose if she’s made a late-night trip to your store.” “Mgmumph,” said Dry Roast, trying not to sound sullen.  “One-button operation, rapid production of the product, and being able to lock the coffee grounds basket would be a bonus.  I’d get her a syrup selection to go with it, mostly chocolate.  Get a refill on chocolate syrup.  Better get two if Pinkie Pie has access to your kitchen.  Don’t worry about a foamer, because she dislikes too much foam.  Sprinkles, but not the mint kind.  Birthday sugar multicolor sprinkletts, if they have them.  Some apple syrup, but just a little because Applejack pretends not to like anything in her coffee, so put just part of a squirt in, and sometimes Twilight wants a little apple flavor in hers too, but mostly in the Fall.”  Dry Roast licked his lips, remembering the sweet taste of chocolate mixed with coffee and apple syrup during a particularly memorable kiss.  Fall was nice. After writing a few more quick lines, Spike looked over his list and asked, “How about something for Rarity?” “You’d need a whole frappuccino machine for that, Spike, because the white chocolate kind she likes is really difficult to make.”  He patted the little dragon on the head.  “Tell you what.  I’ll let you come by the store sometime and I’ll show you how to work the machine.  If you get good enough at it and you still want one, you can get your own, but if you just want to use the store’s equipment for special occasions, you’ll get a far richer taste and better response.” Spike licked his lips, and somehow Dry Roast did not think he was considering the taste of a frappuccino.