//------------------------------// // Several Species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a Pict.[AF 24] // Story: Stories in Stone, Capricorn's Curse // by TDR //------------------------------// Stories in Stone Capricorn's Curse By TDR Several Species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a Pict. [New Canterlot, eleven years ago, six years after the War of the Gods, as few weeks before Diamond Tiara was hospitalized] Button Mash slowly lowered his Gamecolt and stared wide eyed at the white Unicorn filly before him. It had to be a trick, she couldn't have asked what he thought she just asked. “What?!?” Button Mash managed to stammer in a rather unelequent and broken manner, his voice cracked a little as he did so and that annoyed him a lot for the first time. “I asked if you wanted to go out Friday.....” Sweetiebelle said again, seeming a little flustered herself. She kept glancing back behind her at Scootaloo and Applebloom who were rather poorly trying to hide behind a bush and urge the white furred filly on at the same time. Button stared at her a moment more, certain this was some sort of trap or joke, heck it might even be another attempt to get their cutiemarks, Scootaloo had her's but Sweetiebelle and Applebloom didn't yet. Still the Crusaders were not known for being cruel, and if this was a joke, it would be a cruel one by any ones standards. He still didn't know how to take it though, it wasn't that long ago that the colts and filly's thought each other had the dreaded cooties. Now that that phase was passed by most of them, Sweetiebelle was considered by many to be the most attractive filly in the school. There were some who said one of the other fillys. Scootaloo and Silver Spoon had their own fan followings, the former was mostly Pipsqueak, but Button agreed with the ones interested in Sweetiebelle. He never said anything about it of course, he never considered he would have a chance even if he did. Button was little more than a pudgy, antisocial colt, with maybe two or three good friends at best, and the social graces only slightly better than Rainbow Dash's. His grades were average at best and he did everything he could not to stand out at all from every pony else, even trading in his beanie a few years ago for a much simpler, though very much video game related, hat. The crystals used in gaming had all but exploded in popularity lately, they had gone from massive things that could only fit in arcade cabinets to hoof held devices in barely two years. Most of it had to do with the return of the Crystal Empire, they could do things with crystals there that the ponies outside the empire had never heard of. And once the games got to hoof held sized Button wasn't interested in anything else. Well at least until this moment. What to do, what to do.... What would Captain Clydsdale do in this situation? Probably punch something, no good. Doom colt? Shoot everything, also no good. Mario? He doubted Sweetiebelle would be thrilled if he started jumping on turtles. Space fox? Barrel rolls didn't help. Guess he had to wing it. “Um... yeah okay.” He heard himself stammering. Sweetiebelle turned a brighter shade of red before nodding and quickly backing off with a reminder of when to come pick her up on Friday. Button stared after her, his game forgotten as he considered what he was supposed to do now.... really there was only one thing he could do, ask some one who might know...... His mom should be off work by the time he got home. ============================================================ [ Manehatten, current day, under the Storm Cloud and descending rapidly.] Button blinked at the memory that came unbidden to his mind. That had been a very interesting date. His mom had helped him some, but her advice to be himself was garbage he had thought. Button had decided to treat the whole thing like a game that he was determined to win. Choosing the right speech dialogue, getting the button prompts for the QTEs to get Paragon correct. Sweetiebelle had seemed impressed with how he was acting, so he thought he did well. Of course things kinda steam rolled from that point. The other Crusaders had interrupted them, the girls got in a fight and he found out Sweetiebelle was only dating him on a dare from Scootaloo. He had not taken that well and stormed out of the restaurant galloping home. He had thought that would be it. Maybe the girls would have a laugh at his expense at school Monday, though the thought of it didn't fill him with any real dread. He found out the best way to deal with bullies a long time ago was to either not to react if it was just words and offer a good punch in the nose if they made it physical. Given one of his friends was Pipsqueak and that tiny colt was known to actively hunt for bullies, he didn't expect it to go past just words, he could deal with those, no matter how much they hurt. The shock of his life came as he was sitting there playing Combat frogs trying to vent and his mom told him Sweetiebelle had shown up at his house. He almost asked him mom to tell her to go away, but something stopped him, he wasn't sure what , but he went down stairs to talk to her himself. He wasn't nice to her, he interrupted her a lot, threw what she said back in her face a few times and made more than a few nasty jabs at her friends as well. He wasn't proud of it , but he didn't realize just how much what she did hurt him. She stood there and took everything he had to say with out retort. After he finally calmed down some he could see she looked like he felt and he let her talk. It had been a dare, but she had picked him out of a sizable list of others mostly cause she didn't know anything about him past that he liked video games, wanted to be left alone usually and was friends with Paint Brush Lily and Pipsqueak. She was rather curious to know more and she did admit to liking him from the little bit she did learn on the date. The other two were not supposed to be there, but like most things with the Crusaders it got out of hoof. At the end she offered him an invitation to a second date, she had tickets to some band he had never heard of that she got from her music teacher. He was hesitant to accept, though when he did finally she had kissed his cheek before running off. To say that even changed his life was a bit of a understatement. That was the first time he saw his mentor. DJ Pon3 had been awesome beyond any description he could give. It was what got him interested in music, to see the blue haired mare playing music with technology was something he had never heard of before. Then there was the date itself, the second date had gone much better than the first, and the one after that and the one after that. Button blinked, he supposed this was the whole 'life flashing before your eyes' thing that every one spoke of right before you died. He was gonna die right? Well he had fallen off the airship as it was soaring into the air, they were about thirty of forty stories up when he fell, well over the tops of the buildings, though he was much lower than that now. Hmm, time to take stock. No long fall boots or portal gun, so that was out. His gear wasn't power armor so that wouldn't help him. There were no carts of hay below him and the water was a couple blocks away. He couldn't just press downward and land on a zombie for a insta kill either, all that was below him was sidewalk, Finch had turned the ship enough that they were over open street. He had already found out the Klopnami code didn't work in real life, and he didn't see any flagpoles to grab, so maybe he should think of more practical things? None of those on the ship could help him, aside from the Changelings none of the crew could fly and he was past any ones range of magic even if they did get themselves untied before he hit the ground. Bleu and Spike had just made a pass and as fast as they were, they were going the other way and likely didn't even know he fell. He hadn't seen any other fliers that were not zombies and he didn't see any one on the ground who might catch him. Button sighed as he fell closer to the roadway, his armor was too top heavy around his chest and head, it was pulling him down like a weight head first towards the ground. He had heard of ponies falling from great heights and surviving, but not when they landed on their head. While he was not one to accept a fate such as this the most he could do at the moment was flail, and there was little point of that. He know Sweetiebelle saw him fall, he rather wished she hadn't. His death was going to cause her all sorts of problems. He himself felt he had more troubles than just plummeting to his death. He never managed to propose... Well if he was still going to have his life flash before his eyes maybe he could get a few replays of all the times they made out, that might make it worth it, sorta. …............. Nah screw that. It was time for his secret weapon, he swore to Discord he wouldn't use it, but this was a bit of a emergency situation. Button closed his fore hooves over his chest and exhaled, a glow starting to form around the falling earth pony. ========================================================== [ Aboard the Storm Cloud.] “BUTTON!!!!” screamed Sweetiebelle tearing herself away from the restraints as she rushed to the side of the stage staring down into the darkness below the ship and the city far below. The other members of the band rush over as well with a few crew members leaning over the railing with varying degrees of distressed looks on their faces. “Some one go after him you have wings right!?!?!” Sweetie screamed. A bright flash of light from below grabs every ones attention before a response can be formed. The light quickly grows brighter as it grows closer to the ship. After a moment Button Mash bathed in a glowing light floats over the railing and hovers in mid air. “Button” Sweetiebelle blinks. “Wot in tarnation?” Shanty demands, wearing a ten gallon cowboy hat for some reason. Carol does the world a favor and belts her in the back of the head with a hoof. Some where music starts playing, a hyper active piano piece with zappy synthesizer effects thrown in as Button starts to spin his body seeming to turn into rainbow colored raident light. Every one watched in awe as the one pony light show seemed to spin around in the air, growing brighter as a rainbow of colors flow over its form. The mane lashes out, flaring a full pony length behind it as does the glowing tail. Ribbons form out of nothing wrapping around it's legs as they grow longer the body and head stretching and thinning out as well. The material spins around the rest of the body forming something that looks like a bright white swim suit. The ribbons around the legs turn into white and gold trimmed stockings. The flowing mane changed to two massive ponytails and flowed in trails as the figure spins around. A flash of light above the figures head appears and a spiral of light descended to the figures forehead, another flash and it solidifies into a horn with a gold and ruby encrusted tiara wrapping around the glowing forehead of the figure. The figures eyes open revealing sparkling amethyst eyes. Wings snap open wide behind the figure as the light finally faded the former Earth Pony stallion, now a shoe in duplicate for Princess Cadence with a blond mane and tail, struck a pose with fanfare and another flash of light. “Wat?'” Sweetiebelle dead panned “Hey it's Petite Pretty Pink Princess Pony Honey-chan!!” Screams one of the fans in the hold , the whole group of them starting to loose their shit even more at the sight of the magical filly before them, going even wilder than when Sweetiebelle had preformed. Sweetiebelle's eye twitched as roses and other flowers, as well as panties and boxers shorts rain down from the audience pit showering the stage around the mare as she lands on it. “Is that my laundry?” Melody asked. ======================================================== [Elsewhen] Discord glanced down to his left and Pinkie Pie glanced down to her right, both of them staring at the cackling dark gray rabbit sitting on the couch between them. “In his defense.” Pinkie sighed.” I can see you doing that.” “True “ Discord mused looking back at the fanfic. ====================================================== [ Tamberlane Outside the shield. ] Jer'rahd and Celestia both fling up their shields as the first barrage of concentrated magic from the Liches slammed into them shattering a number of Jer'rahd's shields and cracking the dome Celestia raised behind them. “Shit that's a kick.” Jer'rahd cursed tossing up another series of shields with a whip of his head. ' Don't suppose you have a cheat for this?” “Fraid not. “ Celestia winced. “ And it's not like the Klopnami code works in real life.” “Well it's a good thing I do have a cheat then.” Jer'rahd growled, his shields dropping as he pulled a paper bag from his saddle bag flinging it into the air out over the Liches heads. “ Hey Bitches eat this!” “It's Liches.” Celestia corrected “I know what I said “ Jer'rahd snorted. The bag tears open as it flies through the air spilling smaller brightly covered packages of things over the Liches heads, the smaller packets rained down over the gathered undead. “What's this?” The Dracolich demanded grabbing a packet out of the air. “ Horsetress Fruit pies!?” A Unicorn Lich stated excitedly. “Wow, flaky golden crust filled with either luscious cherries from Jubilee farms, or scrumptious apple from Sweet Apple Acres.” Another unicorn Lich stated. “Gimmi one.” the diamond Dog Lich demanded. As the Liches were stuffing their faces Jer'rahd raised a shield and ducked behind it. A moment or two later after the pies had all been eaten the lot of the undead exploded in a shower of bloody guts, and bits of real fruit filling. “What?” Celestia demanded ducking a splatter of the Dracolich's gray matter. “What do you mean 'what'? Rhede was my brother after all. Exploding fruit pies are a old Pelt family recipe.” Jer'rahd smirked. “Really?” Celestia stared at him. “As far as you know, yes.” Jer'rahd nodded. Grogar sighed sitting down behind the shield with a low grumble. The great yellow shield drops as the Capricorn rubs the back of his head. “Bah. I never wanted to do this in the first place.” Grogar moaned. “ I wanted to be.... a LUMBERJACK!” Celestia and Jer'rahd blink, staring at him as music starts from some where and a couple of zombies dressed like Mounties move up behind him to sing along. There was also one dressed as a Viking who was saying 'Spam' in tune to the music for some reason. “Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of Northern Equestria. The giant Redwood! The Larch! The mighty Trot's Pine! The Fir! The lofty flowering cherry! The plucky little Aspen! The Limping Roo tree of Grifonstonia!The towering Wattle of the Everfree! The Maidenhead Weeping Water plant! The naughty Licestershine Flashing Oak! The flatulent Elm of White Tail! The Quercus Maximus Bamber gascoigni! The Epigillus! The Barter Hughius greenus!” “What?” Jer'rahd asked. “With my best mare at my side !” Grogar continued. “ We'd sing ! Sing! Sing!! SING!” Grogar suddenly exploded in a fiery ball of flaming fire of burningness that might have also turned him into a frog, electrocuted him, and froze him in place. “STOP THAT, STOP THAT!” Twilight shouted as she stormed up with the others in tow.” You're not going to do a song while I'm here!” ============================================================ [Elsewhen] Discord and Pinkie Pie look over at the madly giggling rabbit between them. “Well at least he used the full introduction of the song.” Pinkie Pie sighed. “I think we need to stop encouraging him.” Discord sighed.” The Horsetus fruit pies pun was really bad.” “Legit though!” Applejack popped up from behind the couch leaning over it.” Best little corporate deal we ever worked out!” “What kind of ingredients even explode?” Pinkie demanded. “Pine-apple grenades and cherry bombs of course.” Applejack smiled tipping her hat towards them. Discord made a sound like a drunken whale at those puns. He turned and grabbed both sides of the Earth pony's hat, yanking it down over her whole body like a vanishing rabbit trick. He then grumbled and tossed the Stetson out a window. “Not sure how much more of this I can take.” Pinkie Pie muttered.” Specially if he gets Applejack involved again.” ================================================== [ Crystal Empire] Pip slid across the slick marble floor before the throne room, his hooves kicking up sparks as he skids to a halt just before slamming into the massive crystal doors. A yelp from behind him made him turn back just in time to see Scootaloo, still in the bunny suit flail wildly as she tries to stop in the footy slippers the suit had, before slamming bodily into Pip sending them both crashing into the door. Berry trotted up a bit slower with Beryl on her back. “Guys they just mopped , didn't you see the wet floor sign back there?” Beryl pointed out with a smirk. “Hey what's that?” Berry asked pointed to something under Scootaloo. The bunny suited Scootaloo rolls reluctantly off Pip and all of them stare down at the large metallic looking egg in Scootaloo's lap. “What?” was the collected question. The egg was wrapped in some kind of purple metallic paper and along the side was the word Clopbury. “Did you lay an egg?” Pip asked incredulously.” Berry what is with that suit?” “Err it's a little bit enchanted......” Berry muttered. The egg suddenly jerked as if something inside it wanted free. The group peered closer as the top of the foal sized egg opened up like some sort of flower, dripping with caramel and sugary syrupy sweetness. Suddenly some sort of spider creature seemingly made of yellow sugar coated marshmallow leapt out of the egg and latched onto Pip's face, the pony flailed about trying to get it off while screaming out. “Eeewww, face full of alien wig wam.” Beryl snorted. “How did you lay an egg? The suit shouldn't have done that. Are Pegasi really birds, like turkeys or penguins, or dodos?” Berry asked. “I am not a DODO!!” Scootaloo snapped ignoring Pip's plight, her ears flattening to her head. Suddenly a show tune starts up and Flim and Flam tap dance past singing like a barber shop duet. “You wear a disguise to look like pony guys. But your not a mare you're a Chicken Loo.....” the pair sing before exiting stage right. ================================================================ [Elsewhen] Discord and Pinkie look back to the rabbit. “Confectionery humor..... I think this is your influence dear.” Discord commented. “Meh, I guess.” Pinkie sighed ignoring the rabbits giggling as she looked back to the fic. ================================================ [Manehatten, aboard the Storm Cloud.] “Okay what the flying buck is going on Button.. or pink........ whatever that guy called you?” Sweetiebelle demanded. “Petite Pretty Pink Princess Pony Honey-chan.” Aira stated. “Don't care.” Sweetiebelle stated. “Kesho-shitsu wa dokodesu ka!” Petite Pretty Pink Princess Pony Honey-chan exclaimed.” Watashi no zubon wabitoruzuo fukunde iru!” “What?” Silver asked.” What kind of language is that?” “Watashi no pudingu o mita koto ga arimasu ka?” Petite Pretty Pink Princess Pony Honey-chan responded with a smile that made a number of the male fans faint. “Hold on hold on I got this.” Babs stated suddenly. “ She's speaking weeaboo, I can speak weeaboo!” The others look on in either horror or awe as Babs turns her head away a moment before looking up at Petite Pretty Pink Princess Pony Honey-chan again, her eyes much larger than her skull should be able to contain, the orbs seeming all watery as sparkles randomly appear in the air around Babs head. “GAH!!!” Silver yelped stumbling away in fear. “Desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu!” Babs asked. “Watashi no komon ni wa katatsumuri ga arimasu!” Petite Pretty Pink Princess Pony Honey-chan stated excitedly. “Desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu!” Babs explained. “Naze anata wa kono kuso o hon'yaku shite iru nodesu ka?” Petite Pretty Pink Princess Pony Honey-chan exclaimed. “Anata wa kono kiretsuo taberu yori mo yoi koto o shite wa ikemasen?” “Desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu!!” Babs stated excitedly. “Are we making progress? Is this what progress is?” Carol asked to no one in particular. ==================================================== [Elsewhen] “I'm asking that question myself Pretty Pink Princess Honey-chan. Not so much the snails though.” Discord muttered. “Do I want to know?” Pinkie questioned. “Not really” Discord admitted glaring down at the giggling rabbit before dropping a bucket of coleslaw on his head, burring the small rabbit under the upturned pail. “Careful you'll mess up the couch.” Pinkie chided. “It's his couch.” “Carry on then.” ================================================= [Crystal Empire] “Dalmatian pelican?” “NO!” “Slender-billed curlew?” “NO!” “White headed duck?” “NO!” “Lesser gray shrike? “NO!” As Berry, Beryl, and Scootaloo continued arguing, chaos reigned around them as giant marshmallow and sugar coated chickens and bunnies rampaged around the Crystal Empire, devouring the unwary and smushing everything else in sugary fluff. Pip lay a bit away from the pair, covered in Marshmallow cream and lying still. The only sound in the air beyond the screams was the horrific PEEPS of the marshmallow creatures as they hunted their next victims. ================================================== [Tamberlane] “Seriously what took you so long to get here?” Luna sighed. “We stopped for lunch.” Celestia called out trotting over to check on the still fuming Twilight. Luna huffs a little.” Really, I'm not even gone a day and you're already dating my sister?” “Wouldn't be the first time.” Twilight snorted. “ Heck I know for a fact these two have gone way beyond 'a' date.” Luna frowned looking at Jer'rahd and Celestia neither of whom would look her in the eyes. “Seriously?!” Luna demanded. “Hey it's not like you weren't sleeping with Rhede.” Jer'rahd retorted.” Sides a flank like that has more cushion for the pushing, you're a bit bony...” ======================================================= [Afterlife.] Rhede grins waggling his eyebrows at the reader. “Boom chicka wow ow!” Rhede states before getting beat upside the head by a rolling pin wielded by Velkorn who was dressed like a 50's housewife. ===================================== [Back to Tamberlane] “Oh that was once!” Luna snapped.” And I'm not bony, it's chitin, I am a Changeling!” “And Sombra.” Celestia added. “Hey that was your idea for a three way to get him to give up the Crystal Empire!” Luna shouted back.” And it didn't work even after we agreed to the collar and leashes. “ Seriously are we doing this here?” Trixie asked. “ Not like he hasn't tapped most of the maids either. And I agreed with your statement before about Kirin out of experience , not because I believed you.” Twilight continued.” Though I can't count the Guards on one hoof you haven't 'tested'. “What!?” “Oh please we were broken up at the time....” Jer'rahd respond. “You have been a Kirin since we were married, we have not been broken up at all.” Luna growled. “ Well if this is full disclosure Dawn is not even your foal, She's Spike's.” “OOOOOOH!” Lyra and Octavia chime in. “Oh please, who hasn't slept with Spike, just because you forgot protection that once.” Celestia sighed.” Seriously raise your hoof if you've slept with Spike.” Every one but Twilight raises a hoof, including a few of the undead still around. The others look at her in curiosity. “What?! He's my brother. I'm not that kinky.” Twilight grumbled. “Sides Rarity called dibs, and I'm honoring that.” ====================================== [Manehatten] Spike stands on the street corner with a wide grin on his face his teeth blinged in gold and dressed in a rich purple robe with leopard print trim and a wide brimmed hat of the same make with a large Griffon feather sticking out of it, He's clutching a gem encrusted cane that looks like it's sculpted a a sultry mare pose, and it seems to be designed after Rarity. “Damn right.” Spike chuckled not noticing Bleu behind him dressed like a 50's housewife with a Dragon sized rolling pin in her hands glaring at him. ======================================= [ Back to Tamberlane] “Seriously?!? Shining Armor?!” Jer'rahd growled. “We needed to make sure he could handle himself with Cadence.” Celestia added, with a bit of drool escaping her lips.” And boy could he ever.” “Well fine … even if I know Dawn's not mine I'm pretty sure both Shin and Glimmer are.” Jer'rahd growled. “You bastard.” Luna roared.” Well I'm also sleeping with your best friend s Starfall!” “Yeah?!” Jer'rahd snapped back, “ Well me too!” ======================================== [ Pan to Canterlot] Starfall sits in Celestia's throne reading a magazine. She looks up at the comment from Luna and Jer'rahd and shrugs. “Meh.” the mare stated ignoring Peach Blossom sobbing quietly in a corner behind her. ============================================ [ Back to Tamberlane] “Look seriously every one calm down . Now it seems the issue here is that none of you are really in a relationship and this is all just a very long first date.” Trixie explained. “TRIXIE TRIXIE TRIXIE!” a crowd of zombies forming a sorta live studio audience chant. “What?” Trixie asked before getting hit in the face with a folding chair by a zombie pony that was best described as a Transsexual Japony Nazi Wwendigo. ============================================= [ Manehatten. The Storm Cloud.] Sweetiebelle stared at her former colt friend, who was currently Petite Pretty Pink Princess Pony Honey-chan, standing on stage singing to the crowd who was losing their shit over her. “Kono goro hayari no onna no ko” oshiri na chiisa na onna no ko Kotchi wo muite yo HANII Datte nanda ka datte datte nan da mon.” “So she just wanted to sing?” Silver asked curiously getting a nod from the big eyed Babs whom he still couldn't look at without running off in fear. “Onegai onegai kizutsukenaide Watashi no HAATO wa CHUKU CHUKU shichau no....” Nope!” Sweetiebelle stated standing up and walking off the side of the fic past Discord and Pinkie Pie. “Not doing this any more, I quit! This has gotten too silly and I'm done.” Discord watched her walk past. “Works for me, not sure I can deal with the next segment where Applebloom reveals the Elk who are courting her are all for show and she really reproduces by dropping seeds like a plant.” Discord stands up and storms off. “Let's not forget the part that was supposed to explain the foals really weren't dreaming but had been dead the whole time with a special guest spot by some guy named Shamalon or Shamalama ding dong or something.” Pinkie sighed standing up and leaving with Discord.”Should we do the disclaimer?” “Honestly dear if the readers haven't figured out by now this was a crack fic for April first then there's no hope for them.” Discord sighed. ================================================================ The upended bucket of coleslaw on the couch continued to chuckle until Jer'rahd, Luna, Celestia, and, Twilight walk up behind the couch all of them holding metal pipes or boards with nails in them. They stare down at the now suddenly silent bucket. “We would like words rabbit.” Jer'rahd growled.