Newborn ponies have to be THE most terrifying creatures on the planet.
No seriously, Journal. I'm not kidding.
Pound for pound, a baby pony is one of the single most destructive forces on the planet. And I include hydras, dragons, and the occasional Draconequus when I say that.
See, even before they've learned to walk, a Baby pony's magic starts to set in, turning them from just another soft, delicate newborn creature, into a gurgling ball of adorable destruction.
Just ask the Cakes. They have a unicorn AND a pegasus. Within only a few weeks, Pound and Pumpkin were already like a barely contained natural disaster. Albeit I emphasize BARELY, considering they managed to bring Pinkie down from one of her sugar highs (If you've stolen my Journal and read my entry concerning Pinkie Pie, you'll understand why that observation is horrifying). And this is JUST a baby pegasus and a baby unicorn. Separate. Magical traits split between the bodies of two adorably destructive children.
Needless to say, I learned the one thing that puts the destructive potential of the average newborn foal to shame.
Her name is Princess Flurry Heart Mi Amore Cadenza Sparkle.
Most ponies will probably just call her Flurry Heart.
I just call her the Giggling Eldrich Monstrosity.
Except I don't. Because if I actually did, I'd probably end up sharing a cage in Tatarus with Tirek.
But I can think it.
And write it in my Journal.
So anyway, let's go with my usual format of explaining the mess more or less chronologically.
To begin, it should be noted that nowhere in any history, medical, or medical history books anywhere in any library is there ANY information on baby alicorns.
None.
Zero.
A grand total of LESS than whatever I might have had on Luna's medical history and Changelings in general. Because apparently the little Abomination is the first ever alicorn by birth.
Typical.
Now, for reference, I had nothing scheduled that would even hint I was going to deal with Royalty after the Nightmare Night fiasco. But it seems that once you're on a first name basis with Equestria's leadership, it doesn't matter if you are only a small town medical specialist with far less experience than most Canterlot physicians.
Nope.
Just doctor stable busting into my office near the end of shift with a parchment, a week train pass, and four simple phrases.
“You.”
“Crystal Empire.”
“Train.”
“Go.”
I will be getting my vengeance on him at some point.
Pinkie Pie will settle down one of these days. Maybe with that Cheese fellow. Then when the time comes, I'll use all that vacation I've accrued RIGHT when she's due.
Oh, right. Crystal Empire...
Worn out from a day of work, papers shoved into saddlebags and herded onto a late train, I was sent to the land of ice and snow.
At least the reveal that the Empire was nice and green inside it's weather dome came as a pleasant surprise. I mean, I've heard about it. But I don't exactly travel like Princess Twilight and her merry band of dead ponies walking.
But I digress.
Ten hours after being shoved onto a train car bound for the otherwise frozen wasteland, I arrive, only to be ushered directly to the palace. No rest, no recuperation, just... off to work.
Turns out Princess Cadence was in labor, and guess who got to play catch?
Now, I'm not going to complain about this part. When baby ponies want out, they wait for NO ONE.
You'd figure the Crystal ponies would be up to snuff on baby delivery, but as one would have it, they decided a royal delivery was too important to risk on their still-learning talent, and called in... You guessed it: Me.
Actually, delivery was the easy part of all this. And Cadence delivered an absolutely gorgeous and adorable baby girl.
With freakishly large wings for ANY newborn pony...
No seriously. Pegasi foals are usually born with their wings underdeveloped. Kind of like a baby bird. They're easier to deliver that way, and the wings will grow in as they age.
But Flurry Heart?
Aside from lacking in feathers, I'm surprised we didn't have to do a C-section with the size of those flappers. Proportionally speaking, they were fully developed alicorn wings for her body size, with a wingspan twice as wide as she was long.
Without any precedence for the situation, I can only write them off as 'alicorn birth'.
Now, after the birth, the usual checks go on. Check her vitals, clean her up, do a thaumitological reading on her potential.
Off the charts... Not unexpected. Alicorn baby.
At the time, I had pity because I realize that when that little one surged, it was going to be terrifying.
Oh, was I right.
Now, normally, baby ponies only surge a couple weeks to a couple months after their birth. Parents usually handle that nicely and there's always some kind of telltale event that signals baby's first surge.
Usually, it's a cold, or an emotional scare; something significant sets them off.
In the medical industry we call this Primary Care Stage Bio-Magical Ignition, or Primary Ignition.
The little one was already exceptional in several ways. She just HAD to break another record by getting a cold, causing her to commence Primary Ignition at one week old.
I'd been asked to stay the week and had agreed already. After a little sleep, caring for her wasn't so bad.
If I knew what was to come, I would have bailed on the Empire as soon as Cadence was cleared to return to her own quarters.
I was woken from my sleep about six days in by what I thought was an earthquake. Not familiar with the Crystal Empire, I didn't know any better.
But, it wasn't an earthquake at all.
The little princess had caught a cold, and surged. An alicorn surge, at one week old. She barely had the beginnings of motor control, let alone anything resembling magical control. So when I entered the room to ensure she was okay...
...Where did that skylight come from?
For a second, I considered suggesting the name 'Skyla' to Cadence. It sounded cute and basing it on the word 'skylight' made me imagine shafts of golden sunlight.
Said Golden sunlight was far less imaginary when it ripped from the horn of an adorable pink baby alicorn, and incinerated my hat on its way out said skylight.
My sleep-addled brain caught up with what was going on a moment later.
I also nixed suggesting 'Skyla'. On second thought, probably not a good idea to name an alicorn child something that might get her a cutie mark in blowing holes in the ceiling. That and princess of skylights seems a bit... Odd.
Now, to be fair, I was the first responder to baby's first cold, and aside from the death beams that seemed to be timed with every sneeze, I wasn't exactly new to cold-powered unicorn surges.
The new parents, however, were a little less calm about it.
Again, not unexpected.
My usual spiel about how to handle a cold in line with a surge followed, though I had to add some modifiers in the spur of the moment about their concern for her rather... energetic display.
To be fair, even I was at a loss.
Now, to complicate things, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna showed up that morning to congratulate the couple. But Flurry's cold was only getting worse. I won't go into too many details, but it all came to a head around nightfall as Luna was raising the moon.
This is where I decided the baby would be, in my mind, the little eldrich abomination.
I'd mentioned already the alicorn foal, the magical potential that confounded measurement, and her death beam shots on every sneeze.
Well... Luna learned first hoof about these concerns when the little one obliterated the moon after a particularly tenacious sniffle.
No, I'm not horseappling anyone. The moon is still there because Cadence asked Discord if he'd put it back together. But little princess laser face sneezed a bolt of magical energy with enough power to annihilate a planet, and caught the moon while Luna was bringing it up from the horizon.
Princess Luna's reaction pretty much summed up everypony else's.
It is only by one of the oldest standards of medical practice that we are all here today to have this go into my journal. Surging baby unicorns, especially ones with colds, must always have their horns facing skywards.
If that child had her horn below the horizon when she sneezed, we'd likely be asking discord to put us back together from the afterlife.
I pretty much noped right out of there after that. No amount of medical expertise on my part was going to do any good if that little abomination atomized me while trying to take her temperature.
I hear that after I left, the little abomination managed to nearly destroy the city by accident by shattering the crystal heart with a scream. It all turned out okay in the end, but after the fiasco, they officially named her Princess Flurry Heart. And I thought my naming scheme was bad. Imagine being named after a natural disaster caused by your own actions. I know I'd never live it down if I had been named Nurse Red Fountain...
But I guess alls well that ends well. And Luna's still in therapy with Discord for her moon exploding.
Until next time, Journal.
