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// A bitch, battered  
// Story: Dogged Determination 
// by kudzuhaiku 
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	“You disgusting public toilet troll!” Limey screamed as Shēdo rolled away from the giant troll’s club. “You’re a nancy little self-fondling beta male! Shēdo has a stronger, louder piss stream than you do, you self-sounding, urethra-fingering mutant!” 

The troll, having been trolled by the Master, roared in fury and the trees all around trembled from the force of the sound. Shēdo felt her toes dig into soft, rich soil, and she sprung away once more, not wanting to be smashed by the berserk troll that Limey had driven into a frenzy. It howled in rage and swung its ripped up sapling club, trying to flatten the much smaller diamond dog that kept leaping around at its feet. 

“You malodorous toilet stall shit-scribbler!” 

Enraged, the troll threw down what was left of its club and began stomping his rooted feet, trying to smoosh Shēdo. She took a chance and hacked at one rooted, gnarled foot, and Limey almost got stuck in the dense, wood-like extremity that was bleeding, gushing out sap. Shēdo was forced to jerk Limey free and she retreated, wary of the trolls massive hands trying to slap her. 

“Your father felched his own wax dart out of your mother’s vile cleft, then vomited into your mother’s scab-encrusted, disease-riddled ass! That’s how you were brought into existence!” 

At this point, the troll was sobbing with outrage, but Shēdo felt no pity for it. When the troll took a swing at her, she countered by lopping a few fingers off. The fingers, severed, fell to the ground, shrivelled, and turned into twisted twigs. Meanwhile, the troll’s hand was already healing, growing more fingers, and Shēdo, though not very smart, knew she was in trouble. 

“Is that your penis, or is that a pine needle?” Limey asked, further taunting the troll. “With all that stringy hanging moss, it’s hard to tell!” 

Unable to stop herself, Shēdo began chortling, and that turned into outright laughter, which made it difficult to keep a grip on her sword. Sprinting, she did her best to stay off to one side of the troll and kept Limey out in front of her, ready to strike when the opportunity came. Shēdo had relatively long hind legs for a diamond dog, and they served her well as she remained frustratingly out of reach. 

“ME EAT YOU!” the troll bellowed, his voice a thunderclap. “ME EAT YOU DEAD!” 

Slashing, Shēdo chopped the troll’s hand off at the wrist, then somersaulted away to avoid his retaliation. Conifer was running around at a distance, still blowing raspberries, his orange tongue flapping in the breeze. Lifting his tail, Conifer waggled his backside at the troll, but his puerile prank went unnoticed. 

“If your brains were a candy, they’d be Feces Pieces! It’s a monkey favourite!” 

Breaking into a run, Shēdo retreated, getting some space between herself and the troll. With nothing but one forepaw and her hind legs, she shimmied up a tree, her claws digging in, Limey was still held in her secure grip in her free paw. About twenty feet or so up, about the same height as the troll’s head, she launched herself in an incredibly risky attack upon the titanic troll. 

She gripped Limey with both paws and held him overhead while she soared through the air shouting, “Me be Shēdo One-Fang, me kill you!” 

The troll raised one handless arm to defend itself, and Shēdo chopped right through his elbow. Screaming in pain, the troll slapped Shēdo mid-air, batting her away like a bug, and sent her flying. Several yards later, she slammed into a tree, hard, the force of the impact  caused it to drop several pinecones. The diamond dog bounced and then fell to the ground, with Limey falling from her grip. 

Barking with pain, Shēdo tried to get up, but stumbled. Limey reappeared in her paw—when she gripped him, squeezing him tight, she felt her strength returning, and some of her pain subsided, but not much. There was no time to think about it though, and she rolled out of the way mere seconds before the troll kicked her. 

“Sword up, Shēdo!” Limey commanded, and Shēdo raised her blade high. 

Obeying Limey gave her a chance to fend off the trolls second attack, a clenched fist that came smashing down to pound her. The troll’s fist was as big as she was, and his fingers were as big as her neck. Snarling, her one fang bared, she chopped into the troll’s knuckles, severing several fingers, and causing the troll to jerk his hand back. 

“Keep your fat, disgusting mitts off of my bitch!” 

The troll, missing an arm and a few fingers, stood in one place while Shēdo retreated a bit, and the two of them studied one another with wary stares. It was dangerous for a predator to underestimate their prey, and Shēdo was no easy meal, no juicy, delicious lunch of pony-flesh, which the troll prefered.

With all that taken into consideration, the troll was regenerating, healing right before Shēdo’s eyes, and that was a distinct advantage that Shēdo didn’t have. She was bleeding, she was winded, and she was hungry. Deciding that the diamond dog was no longer a worthy threat, the troll whirled around, lightning fast, and went after the zebra instead, hoping for a quick bite to eat, a little dine and dash.

“Dirty pool!” Limey cried while Shēdo took swift action. 

Screaming like a filly, Conifer’s bravery failed him, and he took off running, squealing, shrieking in terror. The troll, twenty feet tall, had much longer legs, and he was faster than the stubby legged zebra colt. His severed arm was already regrowing from his elbow, and he slashed at Conifer with a hand that was missing a few gnarly, rooty fingers. 

Lunging, Shēdo hurled herself forwards with Limey held behind her, and she brought him forwards in a mighty sideways chop. The blade bit deep into the troll’s knee, and then with a slashing jerk, the limb was severed, causing the troll to topple over. The clawed hand slashed out and raked Shēdo over her girth, opening up three wide gashes in her dark grey fur. 

Yelping in pain, Shēdo did her best to ignore it and she once more brought Limey to bear. Leaping up onto the troll’s chest, she sliced away the toilet from its head, reversed her stroke, and then with a swift, unerring strike, she severed the troll’s head, cleaving through its gnarled neck. Right away, the body withered, shrivelling, shrinking, and Shēdo almost fell over. Roots began growing out of the troll’s head, and these roots burrowed into the ground, trying to pull the troll’s head down like some horrifying seed. 

Reaching out with her diggy-diggy claws, she grabbed the troll's head, it was huge, and she rammed Limey right through it a few times to slow down the growth. She hacked away tentacles, she stabbed out its eyes, and lopped off its lower jaw. While the troll’s head tried to recover, Shēdo pulled off her tattered rucksack, opened it, and pulled out a piece of flint. 

Kicking some pine needles into a pile, Shēdo grabbed bits of the troll’s body, threw them onto the pine needles, and then using Limey’s blade, she tried striking a flame with her flint. It took her several attempts, her paws were shaking something awful, and Limey kept giggling with each strike. Her persistence was rewarded though, and pieces of troll ignited with a smoky, greasy green flame that flickered a sick shade of purple. The fire, hungry, devoured the available fuel and grew into a tiny raging inferno. 

The troll’s head, which had recovered a bit, new eyes were starting to form, tried to escape once more by burrowing root-like tentacles into the ground, but Shēdo wasn’t having it. With a snarl, she rolled the head onto the fire, and with a whoosh, the troll’s head ignited. Shēdo stepped away and with Limey gripped in her paw, she watched her indomitable foe burn to death. 

“You no touch my zebra,” Shēdo said as ribbons of scarlet dribbled down her girth and belly. “You touch my zebra, you die. You threaten my zebra, you die. You look at my zebra funny, you die.” While she laid out the rules, the carnivorous megaflora continued to burn and the troll’s head shriveled in the fire. 

Cautious, Conifer approached the flames, and he looked at Shēdo with worry in his eyes. A few yards away was the toilet that had started this whole mess. With the magic gone, it was no longer clean or white, and it was already starting to crumble. Soon, like the troll, it would be gone, and this region would be considerably safer. 

Throwing back her head, Shēdo bayed in triumph. 



 

Laying on a large flat rock, Shēdo warmed herself in the sun. She wasn’t feeling so well and was thankful for the chance to rest. When the troll’s head had burned down to a cinder, she had smothered the fire with dirt—she didn’t want to be responsible for burning down the forest—and then she had crawled away to find a place to recover. 

Nearby, Conifer was splashing around in a narrow, but deep stream, no doubt trying to get clean. She knew that she was responsible for keeping him clean, brushing him, and keeping him neat. When she recovered a bit, she would tend to that, but right now, it was difficult to breathe or do much else. There was also the matter that she was hungry. 

If she couldn’t find food soon, she could always get full on dirt. 

There was a commotion in the stream, Shēdo heard water splashing, Conifer was making wordless shouts, and something thumped with a wet sounding smack. It took effort to lift her head, but when she did, she saw Conifer fighting to lift a large fish out of the water and onto the rocky shore. His teeth were clamped on the fish’s middle, and the fish was slapping the zebra colt’s face with its tail. 

The little zebra colt was tougher than Shēdo expected. He was small, yes, he was slight, yes, but he had guts. The fish continued to slap the zebra silly, but Conifer persisted and dragged the fish ashore while Shēdo’s mouth watered. The fish, perhaps sensing its doom, flapped its tail and gave Conifer a hearty slap right to the eye, and with a cry, the zebra colt dropped his prize. 

But Conifer persisted. Kicking with his front hooves, he kept the fish from flopping back into the water, even standing on it at one point, and while baring his teeth, Conifer brought his small hoof down upon the fish’s knobby, bulbous skull. Her ears perking, Shēdo watched with interest, though it was difficult to hold her head up. 

It was a struggle to sit up, and the gashes across her girth tore open a bit, causing fresh blood to dribble. She was weak, woozy, but she needed food. While Shēdo wobbled in place, steadying herself with her front paws pressed against the stone, she realised that not only had she saved Conifer, but right now, Conifer was trying to save her. 

The diamond dog pup wasn’t sure what to think of it.



 

The fire, more coals than anything, crackled and popped. The fish, a headbanger trout, was skewered on a length of green wood, it smelled good and Shēdo wasn’t sure how long her patience might hold out. The fish’s knobby, misshapen skull was designed to crack open crawfish and freshwater clams. 

“That was really amazing,” Conifer said to his companion as he looked into the fire. “I’m sorry for doubting you about your sword.” 

Shrugging, Shēdo wasn’t worried about it. Limey was Limey, and right now the sword was quiet once more. Holding a stick, she poked the fire and tried to ignore the pain in her girth, which was considerable. She knew that she was going to be sore for a while, but she was alive, and Conifer was alive, and so being in pain didn’t matter. 

“You could have done anything… you could have abandoned me and left me to be eaten while you reached some place of safety.” Conifer, lifting his head, looked into Shēdo’s eyes. “Why did you save me?” 

“You my zebra,” Shēdo replied, feeling uncomfortable even saying the words. “Shēdo keep word, keep little zebra safe.” Her stomach growled and she grimaced, uncomfortable. “Shēdo sort of had friends… Kabuki and Long Ears. But those two young. Much smaller than me. Shēdo is… twice as old? Shēdo older than Kabuki and Long Ears. Little pups. Shēdo misses them, and not want to be alone.” 

“I can be your friend,” Conifer offered. 

“You be friend?” Shēdo’s jowls quivered and a ribbon of drool began its slow descent down one side of her hanging, flappy lips. 

“That’s one of my conditions that I need to sort out with you as my owner.” Conifer smiled, blinked, and did his level best to ignore the ribbon of slobber hanging down. “I’d really prefer it if you were my friend as well. I want to know that I can trust you, and I think I can. Chromium said you were honourable, just, and true.” 

“Shēdo try real hard.” The pup rubbed her stomach, sniffed, and decided that her fish was done. She pulled the stick from its makeshift mount over the fire and set it down upon a large flat stone fished out of the river that would serve as a good plate. 

“I hope it’s good, I still can’t get the taste of fish out of my mouth! Blech!”