//------------------------------// // Spike and Big Mac // Story: The Platonic Pony Petting Café // by FrontSevens //------------------------------// Jared walked up from the end of the line to Big Mac’s table, glancing at his phone to double check his reservation. “Excuse me, are you Spike?” “Uh,” Spike said, raising his claw. “I’m right here. At this table.” Big Mac nodded. “Eeyup.” He held out a hoof to offer Jared the seat across from Spike. “Oh,” Jared said. He walked around to the other side of the table and waved. “Sorry about that. You’re, um, not quite what I expected.” “What, you thought he was Spike and I was Big Mac?” Spike held up a claw flat to the top of his head, then compared that to the top of Big Mac’s head. “Aw, man. I thought I’d grown taller.” “No, it’s not that.” Jared almost got up from his chair, but hesitated and sat back down. “I was expecting you to be a pony. You know… the pony petting café.” “But hey, instead, you get to pet a dragon!” Spike waved a claw up and down his body to showcase himself. “Dragons are awesome, right? Dragons are strong and brave and tough and they breathe fire! Check this out.” He heaved in a large gust of air, his chest rising and his head tilting back for maximum air intake. Twilight, who was taking over Spike’s job as security guard, heard the giant gasp for air and lit her horn at the ready, in case Spike were to accidentally end up sending all of them to Princess Celestia again. With a monstrous heave, Spike blew out a thin stream of fire, which fizzled and disappeared in a few seconds. “Huh,” Jared said. Claire, the human petting Big Mac, offered a soft round of applause to Spike. Big Mac joined in as well. Spike blushed. “That was, um, supposed to look more impressive. I’m trying to do the… thing, you know?” Spike snapped his fingers, looking between Jared and Claire. “The thing, you know…” Big Mac whispered in Spike’s ear. “The ring of fire! Yeah, exactly,” Spike said, tracing the outline of a ring in the air for Jared. “Like when you puff a bit and then pull back, and it hangs in the air a little bit, like a little ring of fire. You know what I mean?” Jared nodded. “Sure.” Spike smiled. “Well, that’s what I was trying to do. I’ve done it before! It looks awesome.” Spike looked to Big Mac. “Right Big Mac? You’ve seen it, right? And it looks awesome?” “Eeyup,” said Big Mac. “See?” Spike said, leaning back on his chair and folding his arms. “So yeah, just picture what you just saw, but way more impressive.” He closed his eyes and pictured it. “Yeah, that was pretty cool.” Jared held up his hands. “Look, little dude, breathing fire by itself is still impressive.” Spike scratched the back of his head. “Heh, thanks.” “I like your style. Sure, I’ll pet a dragon,” Jared said. He smiled to himself. “God, just saying that sounds impressive. I’m going to tell my friends later.” Spike squirmed eagerly in his chair. “Well, whenever you’re ready. And don’t worry, my scales aren’t sharp. Some people have asked about that. You’re one hundred percent safe.” Jared placed a hand on top of Spike’s head. He patted his head, then carefully slid his hand back. “Huh,” Jared said, stroking his hand down Spike’s back. “You’re right.” “Yeah, since I’m still a baby dragon, my scales are super soft,” he said. He puffed up his chest. “Besides also being super tough and fireproof and handsome, of course.” “Of course.” Jared smirked as he scratched behind Spike’s ear. The four of them sat there for a few minutes, Spike and Big Mac unwinding under the hands of their petters. Both of them closed their eyes as Jared and Claire calmly stroked them. Claire glanced between Spike and Big Mac, and then amongst the crowd around them. She leaned forward, almost speaking, and then in a voice almost too quiet for Big Mac to hear, she said, “I, um, heard from some friends that you, um, cuddle?” “Shhhh,” Big Mac said, putting a hoof over Claire’s lips. He glanced at Spike, then cleared his throat. “Can’t say I know what you’re talking about, there, friend.” He leaned in close and whispered, “Spike don’t know about it. Please don’t let him on.” Claire covered her mouth. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered back. Big Mac cleared his throat and nudged Spike in the arm. “Hey Spike, mind doing me a heck of a favour and getting me a refill of that there apple juice? And, uh, feel free to take your time, ya know.” Spike raised an eyebrow and folded his arms. “You know, I’ve seen you cuddle when you send me to get you a drink. The counter is, like, right there. Look, I’m totally fine with it if you want to cuddle. I don’t really care—” “Shhhh,” Big Mac said, putting a hoof over Spike’s lips. Spike rolled his eyes. “Fine.” Big Mac watched Spike as he plodded over to the café counter, sliding between the line of people. When Spike was out of view, Big Mac turned to Claire and nodded. Claire scooted her chair forward. She leaned in towards Big Mac and wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, wow,” Claire said, smiling as she snuggled into Big Mac’s warm fur. Big Mac chuckled. “Eeyup.” “This is so nice.” Claire stroked her arms up and down Big Mac’s back. She pressed her cheek into his fuzzy neck. “It’s like hugging a big furry dog.” As soon as Spike emerged from the crowd, Big Mac gently pushed Claire away. He sat back in his chair and crossed his legs casually, whistling as he scanned the crowd around them. When Spike set his drink on the table, Big Mac said, “Oh, there you are. Didn’t see you there. Thanks, partner.” Spike rolled his eyes once more. Jared said, “You know, I’ve been here watching this whole—” “Shhhh,” Spike said, holding up a finger to his own lips. “So, uh, hey Big Mac, you want to tell these humans all about hoofball?” “Hoofball?” Jared said. “Really?” Big Mac nodded and almost spoke up, but Spike jumped in first. “Yeah, hoofball! Big Mac and I are big fans. We meet up every other weekend to trade hoofball cards. Once in a while we even go to see a game. It’s so exciting! It’s like your guys’ football, in a way, but better.” “Oh?” Jared said, grinning. “Not a fan, huh?” “Hoofball is great. I love hoofball. But football is just boring.” Spike groaned and let his arm fall limp on the table. “It’s so slow, for one. After one guy catches the ball, they all stand around for half a minute figuring out what to do next. Every time.” Jared, drinking from his bottle of cola, held up a finger and shook his head. “Well, for one,” he said, “that’s not football. Football is where the teams kick a ball around, to each other and into nets on each side of the field. It runs for much longer at a time, too.” Claire perked up. “Oh, you mean soccer.” “We have soccer too!” Spike said. Jared shook his head. “Just football. It’s the real football.” “Then what about football?” Spike asked. “Well, it’s not football.” Jared tapped his finger on his head. “Think about it. Nobody uses their feet to kick the ball. It’s not even ball-shaped. Might as well call it hand-egg.” Spike held a claw to his chin. “Now that I think about it, hoofball doesn’t have a ball, either. They use a hoop.” “Wait, the ball’s a hoop?” Jared said. Spike shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, you can’t expect ponies to catch a ball with their hooves.” He stuck out his neck. “They catch the ball with their heads.” “The hoop, you mean?” “Yeah, well, they call it a ball.” Claire twisted the ends of her hoodie strings. “But if they can’t use their hooves, why do they call it hoofball?” Jared tipped his cola bottle towards Claire. “Good point. Sounds more like neck-hoop to me.” Spike took a sip of his diamond water and shrugged. “Anyway, whether you call it hoofball, neck-hoop, hand-egg, whatever, it’s the most popular sport where we’re from.” Claire rubbed the back of Big Mac’s neck. “Do either of you play any hoofball yourselves?” “Nah, I’m too good for sports,” Spike said, folding his arms. “Has nothing to do with my height. Or my athletic ability. Nah, the only sports good enough for me are mind sports, like checkers and Ogres & Oubliettes.” “What’s that?” Jared asked. Spike’s face lit up. “Oh, you know, just the best tabletop role-playing game ever.” Big Mac nodded vigorously. Spike swept his claws as if casting a spell of mild interest upon Jared. “You make your own character in a fantasy world, and embark on an epic quest with your friends. You can play through a number of campaigns to defeat evil wizards, slay mythical beasts, or save gorgeous mares! And before you ask, yes, it does actually contain ogres and oubliettes. And also before you ask, an oubliette is a dungeon you get into from a trap door in the ceiling. I had to ask Twilight that one.” Jared rubbed Spike’s scales. “Sounds like a Dungeons & Dragons lawsuit waiting to happen.” “Is that like Ogres & Oubliettes?” “Pretty much.” Jared held up a hand. “And before you ask, no, I’ve never played it.” “You should try it sometime, then. It’s really fun!” Spike turned to Big Mac. “Maybe I could bring a game board tomorrow and offer anyone to play it.” Big Mac whispered in Spike’s ear. “Oh, that’s true,” Spike said. “Those games do take a long time, and humans only get to stay for five minutes at a time.” Spike rubbed his chin. “Maybe we could set aside a day for Ogres & Oubliettes. A special O&O day, where we run through a really short campaign.” “Don’t those campaigns take weeks at a time?” Jared said. “You might have to open up another café just for that.” Spike’s eyes widened. “Oh my gosh… that’s such a great idea!” He turned to Big Mac and shook his shoulders, or at least tried to. “Let’s ask Twilight if we can open up a special café, just for Ogres & Oubliettes!” Big Mac responded with an enthusiastic whisper. “That’s an even better idea! An Ogres & Oubliettes Pony Petting Café combo!” Spike jumped up and down. “It might break the immersion a bit, sure, but it’ll be awesome!” Spike zipped out of his chair and up to Twilight. “Twilight, I have an idea!” Twilight, having overheard the conversation, tried to keep herself from giggling as Spike elaborated. She sat there, waiting until Spike had finished to say, “Sure, we can try that.”