//------------------------------//
// B*TCH, I EAT PEOPLE! (Voted Chapter) 
// Story: One Thousand One Ways to Thwart a King 
// by enigmaMystere 
//------------------------------//

	Twilight's eye twitches, mouth agape in shock as she takes a step back, away from the caribou sneering at her. "...w-what?"
"What, you think I'm an idiot?" He sneers at her, eyes narrowed as he takes a step closer. "I saw you perform that damned spell twelve fucking times. I finally figured out how to cast it the last time." His eyes narrow and a sadistic grin forms on his lips as a roaring sound makes its way to his ears. "It seems thirteen is your unlucky number."
They both look up to see a machine falling down towards them, blasting music out of a couple speakers on its front. They both quickly panic, Twilight throwing up a shield and Dainn turning golden.
The device crashes between them in a fiery explosion, a lone being standing up from the wreckage as Twilight tries to cower behind the Crystal Heart. His gloved hand reaches up to straighten his wide-brimmed red hat, the matching cloak fluttering in the breeze. He glances around at the burning wreckage of the street, the shattered houses and the bemused caribou standing off to one side.
"Well, shit, how did I miss the ship? I'm not that bad at flying."
Dainn facepalms, groaning quietly. "Damn it, I got a retard…"
He suddenly finds himself lifted into the air, the being holding him by his neck. "I know you didn't just insult me. Don't you know who I am?"
"Not really, no." He draws his blade, slicing off the man's head. "Nor do I care. Fucking waste of energy…" He cracks his neck, slowly approaching where Twilight is hiding, eyes wide in horror. "What? Not going to run away? So be it." He stops when she points a shaky finger behind him, and is forcefully spun around, just to be face to face with the man once more.
He sneers at him, pulling out a metal L with a loop around the finger. "See, now I know you don't know who I am." He shoots his leg, causing the king to fall to a knee. "I'm Alucard. And you royally fucked up."
As his hands claw at the gloved one gripping his neck, Dainn finds his heart rate increasing. "H-how did you-"
"Fuck you, that's how."
"Alucard, kill him quick!" Twilight calls out from behind the pedistal. "He's the worst kind of evil! The kind who wants everyone else under his hoof!"
He looks at her, then back to the caribou. "...are you a nazi?"
The king's brow furrows in confusion. "Am I a what? No! I don't even know what that is!"
"Someone who bitches and moans about how the world isn't the way they want it, tries to suppress a group of people and convert others to their twisted way of thinking. Or, failing that, fights everyone who they think will be in their way, even when they're clearly out of their league." His grip tightens. "I'll ask again. Are. You. A fucking. Nazi?"
Dainn, unwilling to answer, just slugs him in the face, sending him flying back into one of the remaining houses and causing it to crumble. "Get away from me. You're worthless! You're supposed to be on my side, you sack of rancid dog shit!"
"Oh, you want to do this?" He grins toothily, a rather unnerving sight to both of the others. "You want to see what happens when you play with the big boys?"
The king just scoffs at this. "Please, I have the powers of a god, and you're just fast. What can you hope to do?"
Alucard stops his advance, frowning a bit. "You think you're a god? Really?"
"Really."
"Really?"
Dainn starts to look annoyed. "Really!"
The vampire suddenly snaps his head up to look at him, a slasher smile on his face. "REALLY?!"
Rather fed up now, the caribou steps forward, growling angrily. "REALLY!"
He raises his hands, forming a frame before his eye that he looks at the caribou through. "Release restraint, level one."
"Level what?" Though momentarily confused, his eyes widen as several red eyes show up all over Alucard's body. "...oh, shit."
A fluid black mass flies through the air and sheers of Dainn's arm, blood flying from the wound and spattering the ruins around them. His eye twitches as he looks down at the empty space where his humerus was attached to his shoulder. "...w-what…"
He shouts out in pain as his other arm gets cut off, followed quickly by his legs. He falls to the ground, nothing more than a head and a torso, his breaths coming quick and shallow. As he lays there bleeding, the man comes over, crouching in front of him.
"That seems like more than a scratch, if I do say so myself." When Dainn can only stare at him in fear, Alucard grips the front of his armor and yanks him upright. "What's the matter, god? Nothing to say? Yell at me! Fight me!" He leans in dangerously close, the grin from before returning. "Give me a hug."
HIs eyes widen in horror and he shakes his head fervently. "W-wait, no-!"





"Zero."
Dainn collapses on the ground, clearly in shock after what just happened. Even so, he manages to make out a single word through the haze that fills his senses.
"Hero!"