The next morning's familiar routine served to further comfort and reassure Princess Celestia. Even though she was rather tired from the long night and too little sleep, she decided that it would be best to stay optimistic about the day ahead.
That optimism lasted until exactly ten in the morning – the moment she walked into her royal audience chamber to begin the routine hearings of the ever-popular day court.
As soon as she entered, she noticed that she wasn't the only princess in attendance this time. All three of the other princesses had inexplicably decided to visit the day court. Thankfully, none of the petitioners had been admitted yet, so nopony else would witness the embarrassment she surely expected.
She stared down the other princesses as she made her way to her throne. “And what are you three doing here?”
“We have come to put forth a petition, upon which the very fate of Equestria hangs in the balance,” Princess Luna said theatrically.
Celestia stared at them, giving them a deadpan glare. “You don't say?”
“We do say!” Princess Cadance added in. “It seems Equestria's foremost ruler has somewhat of a problem with a lack of–” she snorted a little, struggling to contain her laughter “–tree branches!”
At that phrase, all three of them burst into uproarious laughter ... which Celestia did her best to ignore as she made her way to her throne. She breathed a heavy sigh when she sat down. Despite her best efforts to fool herself last night and this morning, she should have known that these three wouldn't have enough dignity to leave the matter at rest. Of course they would come here to rub it in.
That didn't mean she had to humor them, though. “Very well, but your petition will have to be put in at the end of the line, just like everypony else's, and I'm afraid we have a very full docket today – you may wait and see if any time remains at the end of court hours, if you wish.” And, of course, there wouldn’t be any time to get to it; Celestia would make sure of that by taking plenty of time with each and every one of her petitioners today.
“Oh, I don't think so,” Princess Twilight said with a smarmy grin. Celestia didn't like the look of that, not at all. Nothing that made her former student look so smug could possibly be a good thing. Princess Twilight used a flash of magic to teleport a hefty law book into the air in front of her, where she held it with yet more magic. “Equestrian Royal Court Bylaws and Regulations, Article Three, Section Seven: And I quote, 'On no occasion shall one co-equal royal deny access to the court to any other co-equal royal.' Section Eight: 'Upon receiving written notice of a petition from a co-equal royal, the court shall place said request at the beginning of the queue, to be heard as soon as possible, allowing for the court's hours of operation.'” She slipped a loose page out from between the book's pages before teleporting the book away, then floated the page over to hover in the air in front of Celestia. “Here's our written notice of petition, form C.O. dash three forty-five A. It’s signed in triplicate and stamped by the court scheduling secretary.”
Celestia didn't reach out to grab the paper, not even when Princess Twilight let go of it and let it flit down to the floor. What would the point of reading it be? They clearly had her backed into a legal corner here.
She massaged her face with a hoof, trying to rub away her own frustration, as well as a little lingering tiredness from last night. “Oh, very well. Have your fun. But try to make it quick – I do have actual petitions to hear today.”
“No you don't,” Cadance said trotting happily over to stand in front of the throne. Both of the others followed close behind her. All of them were smiling giddily.
Princess Luna nodded in agreement. “We have sent them all home, telling them that the Sun Princess must delay their hearings due to a serious health condition.”
“You did what?” Celestia jumped up from the throne. “Do you have any idea what kind of destabilizing rumors are going to spread when ponies think I'm sick? And what if those petitioners had something truly important and urgent to bring to my attention?”
Princess Twilight waved her – entirely valid – concerns away. “I checked. The most important petition on the docket today was a motion to rename Canterlot's Northwest Boulevard to Mareton Hoofer King Junior Boulevard.”
Celestia plopped back down on her throne and crossed her forehooves over her chest in what could almost be called a pout. “That could be important. Names are important.”
But Princess Twilight wasn't impressed. “Canterlot already has a Mareton Hoofer King Junior Boulevard. Having two of them would just make it confusing.”
“You know what confuses me?” Princess Cadance asked, waggling her eyebrows.
Celestia stared at her niece. “Nopony wants to know that.”
“Nonsense,” Princess Luna countered. “I would very much like to hear it. Pray tell!”
Princess Cadance grinned like a filly who'd just gotten her cutie mark. “I'm confused about how in Equestria anyone could go for over four thousand years without getting laid and still be sane!”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Very funny.”
But Princess Luna nodded gravely. “Indeed, I share Cadenza's concerns for the sanity of our leadership. This condition puts the throne at great risk, and it must be rectified with the utmost haste!”
“Now, I want to be very clear,” Celestia said, straining her patience to the limits, “that I mean this from the very bottom of my heart, and to each and every one of you personally: Get bent.”
Princess Cadance snorted out a suppressed laugh. “It's you who needs to get bent, Auntie – get bent over the edge of the bed, that is, while some lucky stallion gives you his ... tree branch!”
Once again, Celestia had to suffer through a round of raucous laughter from her fellow princesses. Truly, none of them had a single redeeming quality whatsoever.
As soon as Princess Luna managed to contain her mirth, she stepped forward, a little closer than the other two. “In all seriousness, Sister, you must do something about this. You know not what you are missing!”
“I'm not missing out on anything,” Celestia insisted. “I have a very fulfilling life!”
“With your dolls?” Princess Luna quirked an eyebrow at her.
“They're not dolls, they are collectible plushes! They're very valuable! And I don't see why you need to go bringing those into this!”
“Easy there, Luna.” Princess Twilight stepped in front of Princess Luna, holding her back with a hoof. “What I'm sure Luna means to say is that we're here to help you and support you in any way we can.”
That almost felt reassuring ... until Princess Cadance ruined it with a, “Oh yeah! We are going to get you so laid!” She cupped one hoof around her other forehoof, then sharply thrusted it through in a lewdly graphic gesture. “I'm talking miles of cock – miles and miles!”
Celestia grimaced at them ... mostly at Princess Cadance. “That's very, ah, kind of you, but I respectfully decline. I do not need nor want your help.”
Princess Cadance shook her head. “If you didn't need our help, you would have taken care of it long before now.”
Princess Luna nodded in agreement. “Indeed. That is why I notified my night guard that I would need volunteers.” She grinned. “And when I told them they were signing up for a 'very special mission', I did not lack for volunteers!” With her magic, she unlatched the door to the audience chamber.
Dozens of bat ponies flooded in through the open doors, with more and more following in behind. Before long, they filled even the impressively massive audience chamber, and still there were a few left outside who couldn’t squeeze in.
“Impressive, aren't they?” Twilight said. “Which one are you going to pick?”
Princess Cadance raised her hoof up above her head. “Ooh! Ooh! I have a recommendation: all of them!”
“None of them!” Celestia shouted. “I don't want your help! LEAVE ME ALONE!” With a burst of angry yellow magic, she teleported out of the audience chamber and back to safety.
The three remaining princesses blinked in the wake of the blast of royal Canterlot voice they'd just received, as well as the blinding flash.
“Was it something I said?” Princess Cadance asked.
Princess Luna shook her head. “Nay. My sister sometimes has rather irritable moods. I am certain she will recover and forgive us, at least within a thousand years or so.”
The Night Captain stepped up next to Princess Luna and gave a curt bow. “Your Highness, does this mean our services won't be needed today?” Though he did his best to hide it behind a mask of professionalism, the slouch in his posture and the droop in his wings gave away the glum turn in his mood.
But Princess Cadance grinned and nudged Princess Luna's side. “I do hope you won't dismiss them so rashly. After all, we have this room to ourselves now, and I have the next few hours completely free. Shall we?”
Princess Luna replied only by grinning deviously and fully extending her wings.
Princess Twilight, though, kept staring at the spot where Celestia had disappeared. “You girls can have fun, but I'm going to sit this one out... I think I need to go talk to her.”
Rolling her eyes, Princess Luna huffed. “We just tried talking to her, and the results were not particularly fortuitous.”
But Princess Twilight didn't listen – her horn was already glowing. A moment later, she also disappeared in a flash of teleportation.