[nebularOedipus created memo “A Long Way From Equestria”]
GIRL.
The first thing I noticed was the fact that I wasn’t dead. I was shaken, bruised, and more than a little scorched, but I was alive.
YOU THERE. GIRL.
My second observation was the lighting. Sunlight in Canterlot has a tendency to be sharp, falling in strong and bold rays, perhaps due to its proximity to the Princess of the Sun. Now, however, it spread through the room slowly, as if it was drifting on a dull haze.
OR MAYBE BOY? I CONFESS I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH YOUR KIND.
The light was also stained purple.
RISE, GIRL OR BOY.
I groaned and shakily stood up, trying to get my bearings back. I struggled to remember the last couple of seconds before the explosion. The scroll, the lab, Spike...
Spike. I called out for my assistant, but as my vision cleared, I realized I needn’t have bothered. He had been standing over me, protecting me. I’ll admit I blushed a little bit.
Then I got a better look and realized that standing might not have been the best word to use.
“Twilight!” he shouted joyfully before wrapping me in a hug. “Thank Celestia you’re okay.”
I returned the embrace and stole a glance at the countdown timer. It was blank, and it had definitely been more than ten seconds. “What happened?” I asked Spike, and then I got a better look at him. “And what happened to you?”
The purple light was coming from him. And he was floating a couple feet off the ground, like a ghost. And while the top half of his body was unmistakably Spike, his lower half just tapered off.
“I’m fine,” he assured me. “It’s you I’m worried about. I didn’t burn you too badly, did I?”
THE DRAGON BOY IS CONCERNED ABOUT YOU. THAT IS TOUCHING BUT IRRELEVANT. YOU HAVE WORK TO DO.
Wait, burn. I checked my coat and realized that I was singed, and for the first time I noticed the smell of burnt hair. “Then the explosion...” I began to murmur, the sentences being prematurely terminated before completion. “But the meteor...”
YOU APPEAR TO BE A SIMPLETON, GIRL. YOUR CONFUSION IS FRUSTRATING.
“The meteor’s gone, Twilight. You’re safe. You don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
I was immensely confused. “Then what happened back there?” I shouted. “Something blew up.”
“Yeah,” said Spike. “The cruxite artifact. You probably would have been better off not holding it. I used my fire on it, like I usually do with letters. I had to. That’s how they work; you destroy them to enter into the game.”
“And how do you know all this?” I asked him, skeptical.
He raised a claw and pointed it to his temple. “I know a lot of things now, thanks to the Kernalsprite. After you left, it... well, it made us one. It likes things that are injured, and I guess a nosebleed and exhaustion was enough for it to sniff me out. It knows a lot about what’s happening.”
“Really?” Finally, a source of information. “What else does it know?”
Spike hemmed and hawwed nervously. “Well, here’s the thing, Twi. It doesn’t really want me to tell you. Not straightaway, at least.”
“What?” I found myself shouting, but I calmed myself. “I don’t care what this sprite thing wants. I want to know what’s going on. I want to know what happened to the meteor. I want to know what it was doing in the first place. I want answers, Spike.”
Spike looked hurt. “Geez, I know that Twi. And I wanna help, in any way I can. But you don’t understand what it’s like. Like I said, the Sprite and I are one now. If it doesn’t want to tell you, neither do I. I don’t want to not want to tell you, but...” he trailed off, losing track of his sentence. “It’s complicated,” he finished. “There’s stuff I’m supposed to say, but I’m supposed to do it all fancy-like, in riddles.”
“Fine,” I grumbled. “What can you tell me?”
“That you’re the Witch of Dust. You’re one of eight heroes of the Incipisphere.”
“The Incipisphere.”
“Yeah. We’re not exactly in Canterlot anymore, Twi. Just look outside.” He pointed to the window.
The view was breathtaking. The lab had been transported and was now on a cliff-side overlooking a spacious and sparkling bay. Far below me, the calm seas reflected light from a ghostly white sun above us. What struck me as most peculiar, though, was the structure of the land masses surrounding the bay: Horizontal sheets of wood, supported by think columns of white stone. The earth was arranged in stories, complete with the occasional staircase running between them.
ENOUGH, GIRL. WE DO NOT REQUIRE THIS EXPOSITION. I WOULD BE DONE BY NOW IF I WERE HIM.
“So this is the Incipisphere, eh?” I asked Spike contentedly. “I could get used to this.”
“More specifically,” Spike explained to me. “You’re in the Land of Pillars and Knowledge.”
Pillars and Knowledge. I liked the sound of that. “Eight heroes you say? Are they going to be showing up here too? Are any of our friends among them?”
“I don’t know” said Spike dejectedly. “The Sprite doesn’t know their names. Just their titles. You’re the Witch of Dust, like I said. There’s also an Heir of Life, a Mage of Hope, and a Knight of Doom, and others. The eight of you, the royalty of Prospit and Derse, are returning to your homeland to protect Skaia from those who wish to destroy it.”
There were too many unfamiliar words in that sentence. “Hold on,” I asked Spike. “Start at the beginning. Assume I don’t know anything. Because I don’t.”
PERHAPS YOU CANNOT HEAR ME. I SHALL ATTEMPT TO FIND ANOTHER WAY TO CONTACT YOU. PLEASE WAIT.
Spike took a couple deep breaths as he pondered how to best explain things to me. Apparently ghosts, or sprites, or whatever they were, still breathed.
“You are in the Incipisphere,” he began. “A world beyond Equestria. Beyond our planet. Beyond conventional understandings of space, time, and matter itself. A world that has played host to a bitter war since the dawn of time. A war for the control of Skaia.”
“Skaia?”
Spike gestured to the window again. “Look up,” he told me. “See that light in the sky?”
“I thought that was the sun.”
Spike thought again. “Only in the sense that this land is in orbit around it. Skaia is a source of unlimited creative potential.”
“Like a battery?”
“If a battery was important enough to warrant a war for its fate. Skaia is like a seed. Given enough time, it may grow to house incredible power. To this end, the planet-kingdom of Prospit, which orbits around it, has sworn to protect it from harm. In a much larger orbit is the other planet-kingdom of Derse, an enemy of Skaia that seeks to destroy it. Since the beginning of time these two have fought, but neither has gained an upper hand. They are locked in symmetrical movements, and neither one can make headway, forcing them into an eternal stalemate. That is, until we arrived, throwing the balance off. Your return to the land of your birth has marked the beginning of the end of the war.”
Well, this was turning out to be quite the background story. “Sounds a bit archetypal,” I commented. “Warring kingdoms, light and dark, chosen heroes. Interfacing with the sprite told you all this?”
“Well, yeah,” said Spike. “But that's not the coolest part!”
Okay, now my interest was piqued. “What's the coolest part?” I asked him, a decision I would later come to regret.
“I'm like a ghost now! I can fly!” he announced cheerfully, before shooting straight up into the ceiling. Instead of passing through it, he collided painfully. I could feel the vibrations from the impact as he slowly fell back to the ground.
“Yeah,” he moaned as he floated back up to the normal hight. “That didn't go right.”
“How does that even work?” I asked him. “Do you have to consciously choose to float? Is there a maximum height?”
“No idea,” he answered. “Of all the useful information in this thing, there's nothing about how to control it.”
I decided to cut to the chase. “Okay, so what am I supposed to do? How do I protect Skaia?”
“The battle for Skaia is on its surface, but getting there won't be easy. You must first go on a journey, both a physical journey and a journey of self-discovery. And maybe that's for the best, since you have a long way to go before you are a full Witch of Dust. You may never ascend to your full potential. Many don't.”
Wait. “Many? Have there been ponies before me?”
Spike looked antsy, as if he'd just let something slip that he wasn't supposed to. “I can't answer that,” he admitted sheepishly. “But don't worry about it.”
I'm pretty sure “don't worry about it” has never actually worked in the entire history of Equestria, but I decided to table that for now.
“Fine,” I said. “But what does a Witch of Dust do, anyway? Summon sandstorms? Brew magic powder in a cauldron?”
Spike grinned. “Sorry, Twi. My lips are sealed on that, too. But after all, it wouldn't be a journey of self-discovery if I just told you, now would it? But know that your title is more than just your skill set. It's your destiny as a pony and as a hero of the Incipisphere. So while I guess both of these would be within your abilities, neither one fully grasps what it means to be a witch. Or a hero of dust. If you want answers, you should begin your journey and build, bringing your new home closer to Skaia.”
I remembered the glowing ball in the sky. I didn't know how big it was, but it was large enough to house a battle, and it didn't seem close at all. It would be an awfully long climb. “Build? How?”
“The same way you have been. With the server program. This wing will serve as the base for a tower reaching up to the heavens, which your server player will build for you. You, in turn, will build upon your client's house.”
“No,” I said adamantly. “This is where I put my hoof in the sand. I am not serving anypony, not if it means their whole neighborhood is destroyed by meteor.”
“But you already have. Or you will, I guess, depending on when you look at it. Why do you think there are stories of the eight heroes and eight towers on Prospit and Derse? You and the others are going to arrive, because that's how it's already happened.”
“I don't follow.” I had studied time spells, briefly. All I had really learned was that navigating the intricacies of time and space was volumes more complicated than it had any right to be.
“You don't need to understand time. That's somepony else's job.”
Fine. So I was supposed to climb up to Skaia in a giant house that Rainbow Dash was going to help me build. Ignoring the obvious architectural flaw in that plan, it would still be a vastly time-consuming...
Rainbow Dash. She probably thought I was dead. And here I was chatting up Spike instead of letting her know that I was okay. Unfortunately, I had left the Pestertome in my room. It's funny how you use a new invention a couple of times and you're already dependent on it.
Doubly unfortunately, returning to my room would be difficult, as the path was a blocked by a bizarre lizard-like creature slithering through the hole in the wall I had been using to enter and leave the room.
The creature scuttled about on four legs, although I imagined it could have settled for two in a pinch, since its two front limbs, with clawed fingers, seemed to function equally well as arms or legs.
Most striking, however, was that the creature appeared to be made of wood. While its face was clean and smooth, like how a tree gets when you peel the bark away, its limbs were rough and knotted at the joints.
It crawled around a bit, sniffing at the air. It didn't look very intelligent, but I wasn't going to jump to conclusions just yet. “Hello?” I asked tentatively, and it turned, eying me with confusion. Then I noticed one of its limbs was different from the rest of them.
Instead of the rough-textured skin that reminded me so strongly of a tree, it's left front leg was covered in scales of the same color and pattern. The claws on this limb seemed larger than on the other ones, and I decided that I was going to try my darnedest to keep that leg away from my face.
I was still awaiting a response from the creature, but by now I was beginning to figure out that I wasn't going to get one. Whatever it was, either it didn't speak or it didn't understand me. I didn't want to startle it, so the two of us merely stood there, neither one of us taking action. It was looking around the room, getting acclimated to its new surroundings. I watched as its eyes fell on a row of bottles lined along the shelves, its face broke into a disturbingly toothy grin, and it launched, soaring above my head and landing on the shelf. I watched in horror as it began knocking vials and books carelessly off the shelf, grabbing some of the bottles in its from claws and teeth.
“What is that thing?” I cried at Spikesprite. “It's making a mess.” I tried to telekinetically yank one of the bottles out of its claws before it ruined whatever experiment was being performed. I realized too slowly that the original experimenter probably had much higher priorities now.
“It's an imp,” Spikesprite explained. “A pawn of Derse. They descend about the lands upon the heroes' arrival to claim them for Derse. At least, that's the story explanation.”
I raised an eyebrow. “The story explanation?”
“Yeah. The real reason the imps are here is to provide the heroes with combat experience before they have to face the tougher challenges. The sprite in me is nervous about me sharing this, but I'm going to try anyways. I think the reason everything sounds like a storybook is because it is. This world is training you to be a hero.”
Something about the explanation wasn't adding up, but I couldn't quite put my hoof on it. “Everything's structured, like a game,” I said, trying to summarize Spike's speech for my own benefit as much as his. “The real purpose of the things in this world is the benefit the heroes, who are like the game's players. Everything revolves around them. Why? What's the point of it all, then? Where does it all lead?”
“That's the Ultimate Riddle,” answered Spike, and I could almost hear the capitalization of the words. “And it's for you to figure out. If you can, than great rewards await you. If not, then Skaia will perish, and its secrets will die with it.”
I looked back at the imp, who was opening cabinets and throwing the contents out onto the floor. The behavior seemed familiar somehow, like I had seen an imp before. But I hadn't, of course.
“They don't look very dangerous,” I remarked.
“Their behavior depends on the prototyping. They can be downright feral, if the heroes really mess up. But in this case, you prototyped an adolescent dragon, so that's what they're acting like.”
Again, he had referenced the existence of other heroes, other prototypings. But if he had any further explanation, he had already made clear that he wasn't going to share it. “You're influencing them? Are they going to start growing?”
“You want to find out?”
I realized that I did not. I rushed into the pile of junk that the imp was accumulating, separating it. “Bad imp!” I scolded, and then I immediately felt foolish. The imp immediately felt angry. It leaped at me, hissing with its forked tongue. I panicked and instinctively grabbed the closest thing with my magic to defend myself, which happened to be a book. The imp impacted the book with an unnerving crunch. However, this only seemed to anger it further, as it leaped onto my neck and bit me. I tried to pull it off with magic, but it held fast, digging into me. I reared up onto my hind legs, but it continued its assault. I groaned, a mixture or pain and irritation but not exactly fear, as I picked up the book again and bashed it against the creature repeatedly, expecting the imp to eventually let go. It didn't, but when I struck it for the last time, it exploded.
“You okay?” Spike asked, seemingly unfazed by the creature's spontaneous combustion. “I was about to get in there and help.”
“I'm fine. These things aren't dangerous as much as they are annoying.” I looked around at my surroundings, which were now covered in a large number of hexagonal shapes that looked like two wide and flat pyramids and been glued together. “But what is this stuff it left behind?” I probed it with my magic, but the moment I did it vanished.
“That's your build grist,” explained Spike.
I remembered build grist as being the stuff Rainbow Dash was using to modify the building. We only had a limited amount of it, but the possibility that we might run out when building up the tower had not yet occurred to me.
“I'm going to have to kill more of these, aren't I?”
“Eeyup. If it makes you feel better, that's what they're here for.”
Skaia really thought of everything, it seemed. I comforted myself with the fact that at least they didn't bleed. I would fight, and Rainbow would build.
Rainbow. I remembered that I still needed to let her know that I was alive. I dropped down through the hole in the wall, and Spike followed me. I realized that the next room was home to about four more imps. Fortunately, they were ignoring me, and I wasn't quite ready to deal with them quite yet, so I moved on. I didn't see any more of them in the stairwell, but I could hear their chattering on the floors below me. Probably they had been forced to enter the building from the bottom, and had spent the time since my arrival climbing up. I wondered what had taken them so long.
My pestertome was where I had left it by the alchemiter. I hurried over and made contact.
nebularOedipus [NO] began nickering obstinateNarcoleptic [ON]
NO Rainbow Dash!
ON: twi
ON: where in the name of celestia are you
ON: your part of the castle is completely gone
ON: i think the meteor pulverized it
NO The meteor?
NO But I stopped it! I solved the puzzle in time and I stopped it!
ON: you cant stop the meteors twi
ON: no one can stop the meteors
ON: but you can escape them i guess
NO ...What is that supposed to mean?
ON: i dunno
ON: it just seemed appropriate
ON: so where the hay are you then
ON: because really im just glad youre alive
NO I don't really know.
NO The spell transported me somewhere at the last moment, and it took the entire wing with it.
NO I'm in the Land of Pillars and Knowledge, although so far all I see are pillars.
ON: you would
ON: leave it to you to pick the nerdiest possible place to land
ON: if i were you id be in the land of awesome and awesome
NO And you'd be the Witch of Awesome too?
ON: what
ON: hay no
ON: witches are ugly and creepy and stuff
NO Thanks.
ON: id be the captain of awesome
ON: or the champion of kickass
ON: or something cool like that
NO Fortunately, I don't think you're going to get to be the anything of anything.
ON: what
ON: why not
NO Because you are not going to use the client spell.
NO I forbid it.
NO We are not going to summon another meteor.
ON: okay
ON: besides who would i connect with anyway
ON: there are only two of those records
ON: the only pony that could be the server is you
NO True.
NO So what's going on right now?
NO Are you still on the farm?
ON: no
ON: im in canterlot right now
ON: your meteor left quite the mess
NO Goodness!
NO Is anypony hurt?
ON: hurt yes
ON: dead no
NO Thank every god!
NO I'll let you get back to the relief effort then.
NO I imagine there are quite a few ponies who could use your help.
ON: what about you
ON: what are you going to do
NO I'm going to explore this new land.
NO Find out why I was brought here.
NO I'll let you know if I find anything, alright?
ON: okay
ON: later twi
ON: wait
NO Yes? I'm still here?
ON: have you seen shining armor
NO My brother?
ON: yeah
ON: cadance thinks he might be with you
ON: i hope he is because otherwise
ON: i just really hope hes with you
ON: we cant find him anywhere
NO I'll be on the lookout for him.
NO I trust him though. Regardless of whether he got carried with me or if he's still in Equestria, he's more than capable of taking care of himself.
NO I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up coming to my aid.
NO So chin up, okay? We'll find him.
I tried to make my words as convincing and optimistic as possible, but I was probably just as worried as Cadance was. The imps weren't that much of a hassle, but they were still technically dangerous. If one of them got a lucky shot in...
I shook as I continued to write.
NO We'll find him, I swear.
ON: okay twi
ON: this is probably another good reason to get back to exploring your surroundings
ON: theres work for me to do here
NO Okay, I'll gojmgfdsgfhgdf
ON: wait what
nebularOedipus [NO] ceased nickering obstinateNarcoleptic [ON]
I was unable to continue the conversation, as I was dragged backwards by three imps, each of them grabbing a different one of my legs. A fourth imp took advantage of my distraction to run forward and snatch the Pestertome, scurrying up the side of the wall with it.
I struggled against the three imps that were holding me down, eventually kicking one against the wall and the second into the alchemiter, where it landed on the scanning pedastal. I shook the third one off of me, and it tumbled out of the hole in the wall to whatever was down below. However, as soon as I was free, I spotted more imps climbing in through the doorway.
Behind me, the alchemiter came to life, probing the imp with its laser. The imp shrieked and rolled off, landing on the large platform and knocking over the stack of Perfectly Generic Objects. The device hummed softly, and then generated its new payload, inspired by the contours on the imps body. An oversized flower pot containing a bronze statue of a unicorn materialized above the imp, crushing it and the Generic Objects.
Seeing all these imps in one place was enough for me to finally notice that they didn't all look the same. The parts of them that were draconian were switched about between them. Some of them had scaly legs, while others had spines on their back, and still others had sharper fangs than the rest of them. I could easily imagine what one would look like without any dragon parts, just wood, and I began to wonder if they had inherited parts of their appearance from Spike, and not just their behavior.
One of the new imps tackled me, while the other one began climbing onto my bookshelf. I hobbled around, trying to get the imp off of me, but he was holding on even tighter than the first one.
The world grew hot, and the imp squealed. Looking past him, I saw that Spike had conjured up some fire to spit at it, unintentionally scorching me in the process. The imp was dazed by the attack, but was still holding on.
Beside me, another imp was curiously examining Peewee and Philomena's cage. It was a case of unfortunate timing, I knew. Under normal circumstances, Philomena was incredibly competent and self-reliant. Still recovering from her recent regeneration, however, she was far more vulnerable, so she and Peewee were cowering against the edge of the cage.
Looking for something I could use to drive the imp off of me, I grabbed a pipette from the nearby table and drove it into the imp, which transformed into grist almost immediately. I galloped over to the imp by the cage, lancing it.
Only three imps in and I had already become numb to what I was doing. I hoped that the imps really were just artificial beings created to facilitate my journey.
Next was the imp that had taken my book. I threw the pipette with startling aim. I caught the Pestertome (and quite a bit of grist) on its way down.
Five more imps were trying to squeeze through the door. Foolishly emboldened by my prior fight, I I retrieved the pipette and charged into the battle, only to be knocked backward by one of them. In my eagerness to fight, I had somehow failed to notice the broom it was holding in its front claws. The other imps pounced on me immediately. I gritted my teeth to avoid screeching as one of them bit into my ear.
I grabbed the Pestertome and smashed it against the imp, and a rain of grist told me I had hit the mark. But before I could strike again, the book was once again wrested from my grasp. The other imps continued to gnaw at me.
Summoning reserves of magical energy, I teleported out of their reach. The imps, denied their footholds, fell into an awkward pile, while I reappeared sandwiched between the alchemiter and the wall. Inspired, I launched the pot and statue through the air, where it impacted and crushed the imps.
By now the room was completely covered in grist. Rainbow Dash wasn't going to have a problem building. And yet I wasn't able to rest yet. Several more imps entered through the doorway, and a few more crawled in through the hole in the wall. I retrieved the pipette lance and prepared for a fight, but a pinging from the tome distracted me. Curious, I opened the book to read Rainbow Dash's response.
Except it wasn't Rainbow Dash. In fact, it wasn't a name I recognized at all.
dynasticDraconequus [DD] began pestering nebularOedipus [NO]
DD: There we go.
DD: Hello, girl.
DD: This is the part where I save you.