//------------------------------// // 51. Memories of Death // Story: Trials of a Royal Guard // by Anzel //------------------------------// He took a breath! I think he took a breath! The voices seemed a lot closer than they had before. My vision was a swirling mix of color and white light. Had I fallen into Harmony by accident? Nothing was clear to me and confusion was setting in. My thoughts were getting muddled. “Nocturna?” I muttered. Somepony gasped, “He spoke!” Clarity started to return to my vision and I could see a blonde unicorn’s face hovering over mine. Her horn was glowing and there were currents of magic swirling all over me. They tingled along my milky white coat. I reached a hoof towards the face. Nocturna was violet, not white. Harmony was just energy. Who was this pony? She looked familiar. Where was I? “He’s moving,” the mare said. Her face was becoming more obvious. White coat, bright blonde mane, and pale blue eyes. My hoof found her shoulder and the hairs of her coat shimmered. A rainbow of colors erupted from where I’d touched her, rippling over her foreleg before radiating out to the rest of her body and disappearing. “Silent! Oh my goodness, Silent!” Two hooves wrapped themselves around my neck and another white mare pressed her cheek to mine. She started kissing me. That was nice. I liked that a lot, so I started kissing her back. This mare was familiar, too. Her mane was a lighter blonde and had some pink mixed in. She also had beautiful hazel eyes. Although right now they were filled with tears. My hooves clumsily rubbed at her shoulders while she continued to hold and kiss me. She broke the kisses long enough to get some words out. “Silent, talk to me. Say something, please! Talk to me!” The mare’s tone was desperate. Say something? I could do that. “Are you dead, too?” I asked. The mare quickly shook her head. “No! No, sweetie, I’m not dead. You’re not dead either.” Now that didn’t make any sense. I shook my head back while hoofing at her cheek. “I’m sorry, I am dead. I was killed. It isn’t so bad. It’s better now that you’re here.” The mare’s head shot up and she looked me in the eyes. Hers were red and her cheeks were streaked with makeup. Tears were dropping on my cheeks. “Yes, I know, but I’m not dead, and neither are you.” The first mare poked her head around this one’s. “Silent Knight, you were indeed killed. We have seen to it that you have been restored to life,” she said. …do you really think my scheme would be felled by something as trivial as death? I felt my heart beat. It was one strong, heavy beat that sent warmth through my whole body. My brain sparked and I realized why these two mares were familiar. One was my wife, Crystal Wishes, and the other my friend, Ferrel. “Crystal?” I whispered, in confusion. Crystal gasped and clung tightly to me. I held onto her with both hooves. That brought a smile to Ferrel’s face. It felt different than normal. Did she smile before? “Yes, this is Crystal Wishes, your wife.” I was about to speak when a muzzle practically slammed against the cheek opposite of the one Crystal was occupying. A blue pony nuzzled me fiercely and affectionately while stroking my mane. “Luna,” I said softly. She was crying, too. Poor ponies. I’d been killed. That must have been traumatic for everypony. It didn’t feel that traumatic for me. All I felt was love. “How am I not dead?” I asked, finding it easier to speak and recognize nearby ponies. There were a lot of them too. I knew them. So many friends and colleagues. And… and my sister. Winterspear was standing at the periphery of the group, her hoof covering her mouth. She wasn’t moving at all: just a frozen mare with a shocked look on her face. Royal Guards were milling back and forth behind her, escorting confused-looking ponies away. Before I could reach out to my sister, I was again squeezed by my wife and princess. Princess Luna continued to rub her cheek back and forth on mine. “Celestia knows an ancient spell. An incredibly powerful one. It can restore the newly departed. We brought you back, Silent.” Brought me back from the dead? Amazing! How long had I been dead? What had happened while I was dead? That was hazy. Something about hoofball and board games. Oh, and Russet. We were going to play hoofball. Yes, hoofball… “He looks… off. Good, but off,” Sunny Day whispered from somewhere to my right. She was talking to Midnight Snow. It wasn’t a very good whisper. “He was dead five minutes ago,” Midnight Snow whispered back. I had been dead. That was true. Dead, dead. Very dead. Totally dead. As dead as Russet. Right! Russet, I’d left him in the clouds without saying goodbye. That was rude, hopefully he’d forgive me. It seemed like there was something I was missing… Oh, yeah! “I met Nocturna,” I exclaimed loudly. The ponies around me fell silent, their eyes going wide. “I’ve broken his brain with my selfishness!” Princess Luna whimpered. “Ponies… I believe our banquet is done. Please clear the room and let’s get Silent Knight to my chambers. We all need to calm down.” I knew that voice. It was Princess Celestia. “Miley and Tranquil, pick him up and help him along,” Midnight Snow ordered. Dream Pop, who was hovering nearby and looking at me with unbridled excitement, carefully pulled Crystal free while Miley and Tranquil did as they were ordered. The mares helped me up and supported my weight as we started off in whatever direction they’d decided. “I also met Harmony,” I found myself telling Miley Hooves. “Oh, how neat! What was that like?” Dream Pop asked as she trotted along, keeping a hoof around Crystal to steady her. “She was calm about everything. Oh, and she wasn’t really a pony. More like a swirl of colors and light. Also, we probably shouldn’t take too long before we start fighting back against Maristella. I’m pretty sure time is of the essence.” Princess Luna choked on a sob. Why was she so upset? I wasn’t dead anymore. That had to be a good thing. Sunny Day trotted quickly ahead and used her magic to throw open the doors to Princess Celestia’s chambers. Miley and Tranquil carry-walked me through and eased me down onto a large pillow. It wasn’t as soft as my cloud in the Near-To. Winterspear was finally moving. She nestled against me and put a protective wing over my back before forcing her head up under my chin. That was where I rested it for now. She and I weren’t great with talking about things, but I got the message. Other ponies crowded around me: Miley Hooves, Ferrel, Tranquil Dusk, Sunny Day, Dream Pop, Midnight Snow, Princess Luna, and of course Crystal Wishes. I was the belle of the ball, the center of attention! Hoofsteps started to approach and everypony’s attention shifted. There was concern in their eyes. Was it for me? “What do we do?” Luna whispered. “We have done enough. He is a strong pony, just wait to see how he recovers,” came Princess Celestia’s voice. I couldn’t see her at first. There were too many ponies in the way. “I’m not referring to him, I meant you.” What did that mean? I squirmed my head and tried to get a look. Crystal was clinging to me again so I had to keep a forehoof on her. Winterspear had practically covered me up and was not letting go. Dream Pop was taking notes and the rest just look confused. It took effort to get the angle right through all of the legs and manes, but eventually I saw her. It was Princess Celestia, without a question, but her mane and tail were wholly different. The waves of color and sparkles were gone. All that remained was a gentle pink. It was as plain and normal as anypony else’s. She looked exhausted. Her eyes were puffy and her posture was hunched. She was sitting on a pillow and barely moving. “I will be fine, Luna. Let’s not borrow trouble. For now, we have Silent Knight back and that should be celebrated, even if he is a bit off. I’m sure in time he’ll come to his senses.” Had she given up so much to restore my life? Alicorns weren’t endless. Nocturna had made that suggestion given her story about the Virtues of Harmony. Oh! Right, we needed to find the Virtues. So, I said, “We need to find the Virtues of Harmony.” Sunny idly poked my face with her hoof. “You mean the Elements of Harmony?” Crystal swatted at Sunny, still sobbing a bit and holding onto me. “Hush, he’s confused.” Winterspear softly grunted in agreement, her wing tightening over my back. I shook my head. “No, I’m not. We need to find the Virtues. A friend of Nocturna’s has them. Kalinda made them because Maristella might still have sway over the Element of Loyalty.” Princess Luna shook her head, looking guilty. “No, Silent… I’m not sure what happened, but this is nonsense. All you need to do is get well and enjoy your life.” “We have work to do,” I replied. “I think we should use a sleep spell and let him rest,” Midnight Snow suggested. “No, I can’t sleep right now!” Princess Luna nodded. “Yes, that is a go—” “Nope! Hold up ponies! Why don’t we hear him out, okay?” Dream Pop cut in before turning to me. “Silent, you said you met Nocturna and Harmony.” Finally, somepony that would listen. “Yes. When I was dead I went to a place called the… the—” The name suddenly escaped me I shook my head, it didn’t matter. “The place you go when you die. I met Russet, my dad, my grandfather, Nimbus, Moonglaive, Nocturna, and Harmony. Oh! And somepony that knew Ferrel.” Dream Pop looked from me to Ferrel and then back. She scribbled some notes down. “I see. And who was that pony?” I shook my head. “She didn’t tell me her name but she said I already knew her.” “Okay, what did she look like?” Dream Pop pressed. “Earth pony, grey coat, purple mane, kind of short. She was really interested in finding out how Ferrel was,” I explained. Dream Pop looked over at Ferrel, as did everypony else. “Is that somepony you know? Er… knew?” Ferrel’s ears flicked. “That sounds like my old bodyguard, Fiona. She has been departed a long time.” “She’s waiting for you,” I cut in. Dream Pop gasped and clapped her hooves. “See! He’s fine.” Midnight Snow shook her head. “No, that could be a coincidence. He could have explained any pony generically. Exemplar Ferrel has lived well beyond the normal life and has known hundreds of ponies.” While tapping her hoof to her lip, Dream Pop nodded. “Fair enough. Silent, tell us something else you learned that we can check out.” Something else, something else… why was I the one that had to prove I wasn’t crazy? Then it hit me. I sat up straight. The sudden motion jolted both Crystal and Winterspear in surprise. Both mares tried to wrangle me down together, but my heart was beating fast and I felt great. My whole body seemed brand new. With conviction, I jabbed a hoof at Luna and practically shouted, “When she was a regular pony, Princess Luna was barren. All she wanted was a foal and she never had one. Not one. And while that was the case for her, her own sister had a dozen.” Both princesses gasped in unison. In hindsight, that was an indelicate thing to say. Which was obvious by the fact that new tears were pooling in Princess Luna’s eyes. I bit my lip. “I’m sorry.” On instinct, Winterspear slapped me on the back of the head, which only incited Crystal to poke her with a hoof. The two of them started swatting hooves at each other over my back. Princess Luna shook her head. “No… no, it’s okay. You’re right. There is no way you could have known that. I just wanted a foal so badly and it never happened for me.” Despite how tired she looked, Princess Celestia stood and hurried to Princess Luna’s side. She put a hoof around her sister and squeezed her. Her gaze then found me, amazement dancing within those tired eyes. Dream Pop tapped me with a hoof. “There, proof that Silent Knight’s mind isn’t broken. He’s just done something I’m guessing almost nopony has ever done! He talked to ponies in the beyond and came back. Tell us more things! What was it like?” “It was pretty great, you see, there were—” My mouth hung open but no other words came out. Crystal looked over, her swatting stopped. “Silent?” I shook my head. “I’m not sure what happened. We were—” The words stopped again. “We who? You and dad?” Winterspear whispered. My brow furrowed. Why couldn’t I remember? Why couldn’t I talk about the place and the ponies? The memories were starting to draw away from me. Mentally, I tried to grasp them. Nocturna popped into my head and things organized once again. I could talk about that, at least. “Nocturna explained to me that nopony remembers Maristella because she made everypony forget with a powerful memory enchantment. She left it behind for you, Luna. There are some notes in Haven as well as a memory crystal that is disguised as a unicorn lantern.” Midnight Snow’s ears perked up. “A memory enchantment powerful enough to impact all ponies? Princess, if we could get it, perhaps we could reverse it? Obviously, all the ponies impacted by have long since departed… except yourself and Princess Celestia.” “A memory crystal hidden in Haven for all of these years? It is certainly possible, we do not have a lot of unicorns, and who would think twice about one of hundreds of lanterns?” Tranquil Dusk asked softly. Princess Luna nodded. “Yes. I also relish the idea of viewing a memory of my mentor. Tranquil, can you find your grandmother and leave immediately for Haven?” Tranquil quickly nodded. “Of course, Princess! Consider it done. We’ll go over every unicorn lantern in the city if we have to.” The nox pegasus then turned and set a hoof against my back. “I’m glad you’re not dead anymore.” “Thank you,” seemed like an appropriate reply. Being dead hadn’t seemed that bad to me. At least, now it didn’t seem bad. I also couldn’t really remember much about it. While Tranquil hurried off, Dream Pop set her hooves on my cheeks and pulled my face towards her. "Focus here. You were dead! You saw what happens after. You have to tell me more!” “I… Everything about it seems to be gone. The more try to think about what I saw the harder it is to focus on it. All that is coming out is about Nocturna. We need to find the Virtues of Harmony.” Dream Pop’s nose wiggled and her ears momentarily dropped in what looked like disappointment. “Okay. That’s super okay that it is fading. Maybe we’re not meant to know what happens next. So, how do we find the Virtues?” Crystal squeezed me tightly. “Why don’t we let Silent have a little rest? I think dying was enough for one day. Couldn’t we talk about this later?” Winterspear nodded in agreement. “Crystal is right. Let us get him home and put him to bed for a little while.” Princess Celestia cleared her throat. “Yes, perhaps we should let Silent Knight and his family go home and pick this up again soon. It has been a traumatic day and before we rush off in response, we should carefully consider what we know and what we must do.” I started to argue but the look on Crystal’s face silenced me immediately. “Yes, I think we should rest. We’ll meet up once again. Here?” Princess Luna nodded, but concern was still painted across her features. “Are you certain you should go home?” “I’ll keep an eye on him. We’ll be in our condo nearby. We aren’t scheduled to move into the house for another week or so anyway,” Crystal stated firmly. “I’ll be fine,” I promised. It was a genuine promise, too, considering that I felt amazing. My body didn’t ache, my mind was relatively clear, and none of my emotions were that intense. That was, perhaps, a holdover from being dead. Crystal, Winterspear, and I left the others in their various states of concern, interest, confusion, and curiosity. Our walk home was, without question, tense. Crystal was stiff as she held onto my forehoof, and Winterspear was making an effort to stay strong for the both of us. When we reached my old quarters, Crystal closed the door and took a deep breath. “Crystal, is everything alright?” I asked. Her eyes went big and she stared at me. “Is everything alright? Is everything alright?! Silent, you were dead! How is that not registering for you? You died. I watched another pony burn you almost beyond recognition and then you died!” She was shouting. I hadn’t really ever heard her shout in earnest. Winterspear’s concern shifted suddenly from me to my wife. Now she stood by her side and looped the wing over her back. It was a reminder of how close they’d gotten in my absence. They were sisters now. “I’m not dead now,” was all I could manage. For some reason, the emotions weren’t swelling or even hitting. I felt sympathy for her. Love, too. There just wasn’t any willful force yet. “That doesn’t matter! You didn’t just die. You were violently killed! In front of me—us! In front of Luna! Now you’re just trotting around like it was any other day. You’re talking about going to a fight again. Do you really expect me to just be alright?” I closed the distance between us and took her hoof in mine. Winterspear was staring me down. They were a united front and that was tough. In the core of my being, however, I knew this was something I had to do. “No, I guess I don’t. I’m sorry, Crystal. I’m just a bit muddled in some ways. It doesn’t feel like I died. It feels like I… I don’t know… got better? I know that doesn’t make any sense. My body feels better, though. My mind, too.” Crystal squeezed my hoof and sighed. “Well, you did. Have you not noticed your wing? It’s fine now. Princess Celestia had to completely heal you. That is great, but it doesn’t change how I feel. “Silent, I had to face my worst fear. Literally! I thought I could handle that. I thought I’d be ready. I thought I understood. Let me tell you something: I lied! I lied to myself, Silent. When I saw you die, my heart shattered. Do you understand that?” she asked, tears starting to run down her cheeks again. “It’s okay, Crystal, it’s okay. He understands. We both do,” Winterspear whispered before squeezing my wife. My hoof looped around Crystal and pulled her in close. Winterspear allowed me to take Crystal from her and took a step back to not intrude on our moment, but kept a watchful eye on us. I didn’t really understand. At least not yet. I was still feeling somewhat numb. What I did feel was her pain and the hurt they shared. That pierced whatever wall was protecting me. “I truly am sorry, you two. I really am. I would never want to leave you that way and I’d never want you to see it. I hope you understand that I had to do what I did, though.” Crystal buried her head against the crook of my neck and shook it. “I don’t. I can’t. You were so courageous. No question. No thought. You just jumped in the way and died. I can’t do that. I couldn’t do that to you.” That struck me deeply. I couldn’t do that to you meant I’d done it to her. “I’m sorry,” I breathed. We held onto each other in silence after that. There wasn’t more to say. I was who I was, she was who she was. We were also together. I stroked along her side and tried to soothe her frayed nerves. The fact I’d been killed didn’t bother me that much. It really didn’t. In time, Crystal softly inhaled. “I don’t want you to go back. I want you to stay with me and stop putting yourself in harm’s way. I waited two years, Silent. Two years of not knowing if you’d come home. Please, just stay.” I buried my muzzle into her mane and nuzzled her. “I love you, Crystal. I fought as hard as I did for two years just to get back to you. It wasn’t for the gryphons or for the land. It was for you. This isn’t like that. There is an evil out there that has to be dealt with or we won’t have an Equestria.” She lifted her head and locked eyes with me. “Let somepony else go.” “I don’t think it works that way, Crystal. That would be like asking Twilight Sparkle to sit out something that requires all of the Elements of Harmony. For some reason or another, I’ve been tapped to play a part. Nocturna saw to that. This is something I have to finish,” I explained, keeping my voice soft and even. Crystal sniffled. “What about us?” The mare was hitting hard. “There will always be us. We’ll be together. I’m not going anywhere. I’m just going to do my part to stop a bad pony.” “And you might die again,” she replied. I closed my eyes. “I might.” Her head shook. “I’m not ready.” “Me either.” Crystal sighed and clung to me. Her body shook slightly. “Just... go back, then. I knew what I was getting into, even if I don't like it right now. So, just go, before I change my mind, and... please come back." “I will do my best, sweetie. The same that I did when I was at war. I’ll fight to come home to you. I’ll fight to make sure we have an Equestria to live in together. I’ll do whatever it takes, I promise.” She nodded and slowly relaxed her grip, keeping my hoof in hers. “Let’s go to bed,” she said in a tired voice. “Come on, Winterspear, you too.” My sister had no disagreement with that notion at all. She still wasn't speaking, but I could see the pain in her eyes as she nuzzled me and then Crystal. I knew Winterspear understood my duty. I also knew she didn't like it. To be honest, I doubted any of us would sleep that night. My mind was already starting to turn with ideas. Plans, strategies, and items I needed to get done. Nocturna had made it clear: time was of the essence. Now, I had the advantage, and I wasn’t going to squander it.