//------------------------------//
// Chapter 11 - How to Land a Type 40 TARDIS (and Other Vital Skills for the Modern Pony) 
// Story: Lessons From Ponyville Elementary 
// by Blade Star 
//------------------------------//

    “And therefore,” I said, still writing on the chalkboard. “We see that r equals r-d-r squared.” It had been a bit boring for the kids sitting through a maths lesson focused on algebra, so I’d decided to at least try and inject a little bit of fun. Sadly, while none of the kids were particularly dim, I only heard one or two laughs from the group of students sitting behind me. 

Turning around, I quickly realised that the only one who seemed to have cottoned on to my little attempt at humour, was Dinky. 

Ah, yes, little Dinky Hooves. Without a doubt, the little unicorn filly is the smartest pony in my class, and is probably one of the smartest foals in all of Equestria. Her test scores are routinely up in the nineties and she certainly seems on track to one day head up to Canterlot and attend Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. 

She excels in most of my lessons, but maths and science seem to be her particular forte. She picks up concepts at a remarkable rate and is routinely leaps and bounds ahead of a few other students. Heck, she even sometimes helps some of the other foals when they’re struggling.

Mind you, she’s not conceited about it or anything. Like her mother, Derpy, she has quite a humble personality. And while her thirst for knowledge may appear endless, she doesn’t take praise about her gifts too well. I remember last parents evening, she was blushing furiously when I told how well she was doing. So she isn’t too much of a problem in class. The only real issue is that sometimes, her intelligence outstrips even my own or Cheerilee’s. 

Of course, there is an explanation to all of this; genetics. Dinky is predisposed to be unusually intelligent, a consequence of her father’s side. You see, a year or so ago, when we were studying pony biology, and I was trying to teach the kids about the equine heart, we discovered something interesting about Dinky. 

She has two hearts. 

Further examination by Nurse Redheart at Ponyville’s hospital also revealed a complete binary vascular system, the ability for her to regulate her own body temperature and about half a dozen other things that shouldn’t present in a normal unicorn filly, even if she was the result of a union between two pegasi as Derpy initially claimed.

In actuality, as my son and Twilight discovered, Dinky was sired by Time Turner, the only other pony in town who boasts such characteristics. And according to my son, genetically speaking, Dinky is half equine, and half Timelord. 

So there, I have a Timelord in my class. That was new one. 

Cheerilee and I have done our best to accommodate and challenge her as best we can, something which has become a bit easier since Twilight started helping out with magic lessons. The little purple polymath is one of the few ponies that can keep up with her when she’s going at full chaff. But you could be sure that, if only one pony was going to understand your lesson, it would be Dinky. 

I turned around and smiled at the little blueish grey unicorn, who was still giggling a little at the answer. 

“I see you worked that out, Dinky,” I said kindly while a few other foals looked at her curiously. Diamond Tiara groaned in annoyance. 

“Who cares? A stupid math problem can’t be funny!” she complained, before adding. “No matter what this blank flank thinks.” I did my best to suppress a sigh. Just when I though she could keep her gob shut for a whole day. I was about to tell her off when Dinky jumped in.

“What, don’t you get it?” she asked with an innocent curiosity. Unlike the Crusaders, Diamond’s insults seem to run off her like water off a duck’s back. “The answer is r-d-r squared, or r-d-r-r; har dee har har?” I had to admit, I enjoyed the confused look on Diamond’s face.

But I more enjoyed what happened next. 

“Oh, now I get it,” piped up Featherweight, sitting a couple rows back. He began to giggle himself. It’s always nice when Dinky helps some of the others get through a problem. Diamond Tiara just folded her forelegs and blushed in embarrassment. 

I was about to finish up the lesson when the bell rang signalling the end of the day.

“Right, on that high note, I’ll see you all tomorrow,” I said 

The foals all began to file out. As much as they like me and Cheerilee, we have to accept that they like being as far away from school as possible even more. 

It was just me at school today; Cheerilee had come down with a rather nasty cold and was laid up in bed trying to fight it off. So I’d had to look after things all day long. It certainly gave me an appreciation for how hard she worked before I came along. 

And I wasn’t finished yet either. After stacking all the chairs, putting everything away, locking the schoolhouse up, and everything else that needed doing, I still had to run an errand or two. I’d bumped into Time Turner yesterday, and he’d told me that he’d finally fixed my kitchen clock. So I needed to drop by his shop today and pick it up. 

I like Time Turner; he’s a friendly enough guy I suppose and good at what he does. My only qualm with him is that he’s never admitted to Dinky who he is. As far as the little filly knows, her father is Derpy’s ex, who skipped town before she was born. That’s what Derpy has told her anyway. However, since her ‘condition’ was discovered, she has been spending more and more time with the old clockmaker. He’s probably the only pony who can really tax her mind. He even teaches her a little bit from time to time. 

As I left the schoolhouse, I saw Dinky not too far off with her mother, walking in the direction of the market. 

“Hello there, Derpy,” I called out, catching her attention. Derpy and I get on pretty well and I see her most days when she’s on her mail route.

“Oh, hey there, Margaret,” Derpy replied, turning around. “Busy day?” I smiled.

“Not too bad,” I replied. “Though your little prodigy still gives me the run around. You pair heading into town too?” Derpy nodded.

“I’ve got to cover somepony else’s route this afternoon, so I asked Time Turner if he wouldn’t mind looking after Dinky. I’m just going to drop her off at his shop for an hour or so.” She took on a slightly pained look. She doesn’t like leaving the poor filly on her own. 

“It’s okay, Mommy,” Dinky said as she trotted alongside. “I like helping Mr. Time Turner at his shop. He’s really nice, and he knows loads of stuff about physics too.” She practically jumped up in the air in excitement.

“Well there’s a coincidence,” I added kindly. “I’m heading that way myself. I need to pick up my old clock that he’s been working on.” 

The three of us walked into town, chatting amicably. Before long we came upon Time Turner’s store.





As a rule, Time Turner’s store is fairly quiet. Business for him tends to be a trickle rather than a flood. Still, he does well enough to get by, and conduct the various experiments he always seems to be tinkering with. I think he spends more time in his back rooms and basement than he does at the front of the shop, that’s for sure. 

As the three of us walked in, we found the front desk deserted. But while we heard the normal sounds of almost a hundred clocks all steadily ticking away, we also heard the sound of voices from somewhere in the back. Derpy and I looked to one another in confusion. Judging by the tone and volume, Time Turner was arguing with somepony. 

“Er, Time Turner?” Derpy called out. “I’ve brought Dinky with me.” At that moment, Time Turner emerged, closely followed by my son, Blade Star. It seemed that it was he who was arguing with the twelve hundred year old Timelord. 

“And Ah’m tellin’ you, ya old goat, that there’s no way you can focus the energy matrix and maintain cohesion. If you lose the resonance frequency half way, you’ll lose her forever!”

“And I’m telling you, Bones, that I’m more than capable of such a trifle. Trust me, it’ll work!” Bones threw up his front hooves in despair. 

“Fine,” he exclaimed. “Your time machine. Just don’t blame me when the atom accelerator loses sync and jams the transverse valve open!” Seeing Dinky shrink back from the arguing pair, I stepped in to rein in my boy.

“Alright you two, pipe down!” I ordered. To my surprise, both stallions actually did shut up. “Now what’s going on here?” Bones rolled his eyes.

“Time Turner here,” he said, pointed at the chestnut earth pony. “Wants to try and get his ship back. Trouble is he needs more than one pony to do it. Only he won’t admit it.”

“Well, it’s not like there’s that many ponies qualified now, is there?” Time Turner shot back. It became clear that they were just going to start up again. 

“Hey, pack it in!” I barked again. “You’re going to get nowhere yelling, and you’re upsetting Dinky.” At this, the pair both took on an ashamed look. Time Turner scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. He sighed. 

“Why don’t you three come on back? It’ll be easier to show you, rather than explain it.” 

The three of us, along with a now less argumentative Bones, followed him to the back of the shop. 

Aside from the usual clock making and repairing miscellany, Time Turner’s store was filled with test tubes, machines, and even something that resembled an old computer. In one corner though, there were a series of consoles and what looked like some sort of space age ray gun. 

“Right, Margaret,” he said. “I’m sure you remember that I have a ship.” I nodded.

“Your TARDIS, right?” He smiled.

“Yes, my TARDIS.” 

I thought for a moment. When I’d found out about Dinky, I’d also learned from Derpy how Time Turner had gotten here. She’d nearly hit the TARDIS when it materialised in mid-air before it crashed. She landed herself to see what it was. Time Turner had come out, evidently still in the throes of a regeneration cycle. About a minute or so later, the strange blue box had vanished. But instead of dematerialising, it had simply vanished in what sounded like a teleport. 

Time Turner explained his ship’s predicament. 

“You see,” he said, with the air of a professor. “In this universe, time is structured somewhat differently. It doesn’t like it when somepony tries to travel through it the wrong way, or too quickly. At best, magic allows a pony to appear in another time for a few minutes before they are sent back to their point of origin. 

“But with the TARDIS, well, it has no point of origin. Originally, I thought it had been sent ahead in time, but I’ve now picked it up in half a dozen time periods. So it’s actually just stuck in the time vortex, briefly materialising all over the shop.” I nodded in vague understanding, while Dinky seemed greatly interested. 

“Well, it isn’t safe to let the poor thing go gallivanting around out of control like that. So I came up with a plan. I’d create a rudimentary atron tractor to grab the TARDIS and keep it tethered here.” 

“Erm, ‘atron tractor’?” I asked. Dinky suddenly spoke up.

“Atron energy is a form of benign energy found in the time vortex. It can also be emitted in small quantities by Timelords. When focused and directed toward a TARDIS in flight, it creates a flux in the lateral energy matrix and overloads the atron attractor mechanism, essentially stopping any kind of travel and holding the ship in place.”

We were all taken aback and stared at the little filly in bewilderment. 

“Dinky,” Time Turner said at length. “How did you know that?” The unicorn shrugged her shoulders. 

“I don’t know, I just sort of remembered it,” she replied, sounding unconcerned. Time Turner seemed puzzled. 

“Dinky, how much power reserve does a TARDIS need to take off?” he asked. 

“About ten percent, unless the ship’s running on zero power mode or outside reality,” she replied almost immediately. 

“And how does the dimensional transducer form the initial vortex entry beam during dematerialisation?”

“The molecular converter translates the signal into an atron sphere from the main power source.” This was too much for poor Derpy.

“Okay, time out!” she exclaimed. “How in the name of Celestia does she know all that?!” Time Turner thought for a moment.

“It’s probably a result of the meta-crisis,” he suggested. “She didn’t just get Timelord DNA, but a mind to go with it. It would certainly explain her above average intelligence.” At this point, Bones broke in again.

“Well hang on then,” he said. “If Dinky here knows how a TARDIS works, couldn’t she help out?”

“What do you mean?” I asked. 

“That’s what Time Turner and me were arguin’ ‘bout. He wanted to try and latch onto the TARDIS and do most of the flyin’ himself. Ah can do some of the work for him, but not too much. Ah figured it would be too much work and too dangerous. But if Dinky could help out…” Time Turner joined in, nodding. 

“She could look after rematerializing the TARDIS, you could help out with the remote piloting, and I could focus on maintaining the atron tractor until she lands. I love it! C’mon, Dinky, time for your driving test!” Derpy fluttered in front of Time Turner before he could go though. 

“Oh no you don’t, mister!” she warned him, poking him in the chest with a hoof. “My little filly isn’t doing anything until I’m sure it’s safe.” Time Turner smiled.

“Dinky will be in no danger, Derpy, I promise. The only one who’s sticking his neck out is me. All she has to do is land it with the remote control I’ve rigged up. C’mon you know me, I’d never put her in danger.” Derpy thought. Turning to Dinky, she found the filly looking up at her hopefully, with a puppy eyes expression on her face

“Fine, she can help you,” she eventually decided. “But I’m coming too!” Bones smiled at the pegasus’ attempt to be intimidating. 

“And I’m not going to miss this for the world. Plus I want that clock of mine back off you when you’re done, Time Turner,” I added.

With that, all five of us headed over to the small work station Time Turner had set up 





“Right,” Time Turner said as he took his position at the odd ray gun type contraption. “I’ll look after powering the tractor from here. The beam should shoot out into that corner, and that’s where the TARDIS should materialise. Bones, you look after the space/time throttle and the flight controls. And Dinky, you’ll be in charge of the rematerialisation process once Bones has manoeuvred her into the path of the tractor. Everypony understand?”

Bones and Dinky nodded, with my son grinning like a lunatic. Then again, who wouldn’t if they were given the opportunity to ‘fly’ a TARDIS? Bones trotted over to a console on the right of Time Turner’s atron contraption, which was covered in levers, buttons, and flashing lights. Dinky meanwhile, took her station on his left, with what looked like a cobbled together collection of gear sticks from cars, and a miniature version of the up and down thingamabob that is in the middle of a TARDIS console. 

“Okay, Ah’m ready whenever you are, Doc,” Bones said, now becoming more serious. 

“What about you, Dinky?” Time Turner asked. The little filly nodded as she stared intently at some display or other. 

“Okay then, let’s get this show on the road,” Time Turner declared. “Have you got a fix on her, Bones?”

“Ah think so,” Bones replied. “It looks like she’s back in the vortex for now. Ah’ve got the remote uplink set up and runnin’ too. Ah’ll yell to Dinky when it’s safe to bring her in for a landin’.”

“Let’s try it, then,” Time Turner said, tensing up slightly. “I’ll start the tractor when you begin the approach.” Bones smiled and took hold of a large level in his hoof.

“If Ah may?” he asked, grinning again. Time Turner rolled his eyes.

“Fine. But just this once.” Bones grinned and threw the switch with a clunk. 

“Allons-y!” he exclaimed. 





With a sudden thud, the panels all lit up. Dinky’s miniature console now had its central thingamajig start going up and down and it began to hum. As for Time Turner, he took to playing his part.

Placing a hoof on his little science project, he smiled as it suddenly began to light up and glow with a yellow light. That would be his innate atron energy going in. I saw him grit his teeth a little as the thing powered up. A moment later, a bright yellow beam of energy shot out toward the far wall, forming a large sphere as it impacted. 

“Alright!” he yelled out, for the noise it was making was fairly deafening, and that was without the gale force winds that were now blowing through the shop. “The tractor is up and running; bring her in, Bones!”

My son was now all but dancing around his own console, throwing a switch here, pulling another there. But his main concern seemed to be a switch that resembled the throttle on a railway locomotive. He was constantly making adjustments as he consulted one of the large screens. 

“Okay, Ah’ve got the coordinates locked in now!” he replied. “It’s hard to keep her stable; she’s not taking to this vortex too well!” he suddenly bolted over to another lever and feathered it somewhat. “Argh, come on, girl; stay with me!”

“Oy, don’t you go taxing her. Use the flight stabilisers!” Time Turner barked. 

“Well if somepony had bothered to recalibrate 'em once in a while, maybe Ah could!” Bones shot back. All of a sudden a shrill bell went off and a series of red lights lit up on the console. 

“Okay!” Bones called out. “She’s zeroed in on the landing coordinates. Ah’m slowing her down. Dinky, it’s time to do your thing!” Dinky had been following everything very closely so far and seemed ready for the challenge. 

“I’m ready, Mr. Star,” she called back. “Set the space/time throttle to idle now and let it coast on momentum.” Bones brought one of the levers back to its zero position. 

“Now invert the atom accelerator for physical flight.” Another switch was thrown.

“Okay, now set the power drives to full output, and get ready to begin reverse braking.” Bones threw two more levers.

Another bell went off, this time an ominous tolling of a great old church bell, and Bones’ console began to spark and short furiously. 

“Ah, no, no, no!” Bones exclaimed. “Don’t do that!” The console continued to blow up in places. 

“Dinky!” Time Turner called out. “You’ll have to rematerialize her manually! If we leave it up to the flight computer it could cause a catastrophic vortex exit. And I don’t want to see what that looks like!” 

Dinky promptly set to work and, like Bones, began darting around her own console. I soon began to hear the recognisable screeching of a ship in flight. A light began to appear in the centre of the tractor beam Time Turner had formed. 

“I don’t mean to pressure you, Dinky!” Bones called out. “But I think we have about fifteen seconds before the central circuitry overloads and she breaks out of the vortex. You need to rematerialize her now!” 

Time Turner too was struggling. He was visibly sweating from the exertion of keeping the tractor going. Finally though, Dinky was ready and pulled a large handbrake type lever.

“Okay, Mr. Star. Full reverse power. Now!” Bones opened the taps, there was a final bang and shower of sparks, but the tolling of bells stopped. 

The familiar screeching grew louder and slowly, a 1950’s police box began to phase into existence. Bones and Dinky briefly stepped away from their consoles to watch it land. Finally, with one last shudder, the ship landed, safe and sound in the beam.

Time Turner collapsed where he was from exhaustion, and the system shut down. The wind died down, as did the noticeable heat. A couple of the consoles were shorted out and some of the screens had ‘error’ messages on them, but the ship had landed. And judging by the way the old Timelord was smiling, it had worked. 

Derpy and I merely stood there in amazement. Our respective children had just helped land the single most complicated machine ever created, and it hadn’t ended in some huge catastrophe. There right before us, was a real life genuine TARDIS. My son would also argue that, being a knackered old Type 40, a veritable museum piece, with far too many miles on the clock, and one not so careful owner, it was even harder than it otherwise would have been. Still, he and Dinky too seemed somewhat taken aback at the sight of the battered old police box. 

“Hello, sexy,” Bones said, grinning at the big blue box. That got him a smack on the back of his head, courtesy of Time Turner.

“Hey, only I get to call her that!” he reprimanded. I couldn’t help but giggle at that. 

Walking over to the still smouldering console again, Bones threw one last switch, and the panel went dark. 

“There,” he said, with a hint of pride. “Finished with main engines. As long as the atron tractor holds up, the TARDIS should stay where she is and when she is.” Dinky too was quickly shutting down her side of things, and presumably transferring control back to the ship’s own consoles.

Time Turner meanwhile was standing just in front of the large wooden doors, a look of pure happiness on his face. It’s a well-established fact that he’s always cared for the old girl, and the idea of losing her must have been a terrible blow to him. But by the same token, this reunion was a source of great joy for him. 

Trotting over to a small desk on the opposite side of the room, he fished out what looked like an ordinary brass key. The sort of thing you might use to get into your house if it had a deadbolt on. Walking up to the doors of the blue box, he inserted the key in the lock. It fitted perfectly, and a quick turn unlocked the ship without trouble. We’d have been stuffed if it hadn’t; as I understand it, the outer shell of a TARDIS, even a clapped out one like this example of the breed, was virtually indestructible. 

With a smile on his face, he threw open the double doors. He couldn’t do his little Discord-esque trick of snapping his fingers, since he had none at present, to open them. Inside, it was all familiar to us. For Time Turner, he’d seen it day in day out for centuries. To me and Bones, it was a well-known sight on our TV screens. To Derpy, she’d briefly been inside when the ship first crashed here. As for Dinky, she seemed to show some familiarity, even though she’d never been inside before; something I put down to the same reason she knows how to fly it in the first place.

The interior was familiar to me and just as I remembered it, a strange mish mash of recognisable things, and that which seemed completely and utterly alien. It was well lit, with a warm glow to it all, though tinged green slightly by the large piston like structure that dominated the centre of the control room. The console was on a slightly raised platform, with steps leading to other chambers in the ship. Time Turner hurried forward and placed his hooves on the controls.

“Oh, it’s so good to be home!” he exclaimed. He then began to fiddle with the controls and examined the large screen that was just ahead of him.

“Well, it looks like she’s none the worse for wear,” he said after a few moments. “A couple scratches here and there but nothing she can’t fix herself. Fuel’s alright, I guess the ‘magic’ of this world is keeping her going. Yep, she’s good. As long as she stays in this spot, she’s good. Though just to be safe, I’ll keep her locked up when I’m not inside.”

“Glad to hear it Time Turner,” I said kindly. He turned back around to face the four of us, who were all still standing just inside the doorway. Time Turner blinked a couple of times.

“Oh, er, and thank you, you four for helping out,” he added sheepishly. “You’re all welcome to take a look inside any time. Especially you, Dinky.” 

He then dived down under the console into a small storage area and began rooting around. A moment later, he returned with a book in his mouth. Placing it down on the floor, he pushed it across to Dinky.

“Here, a little bit of light reading for you,” he said, a paternal note in his voice. 

The book bore the title of ‘TARDIS – Type 40 – Owner’s Manual’, and was about the size of a university textbook. Dinky quickly picked it up in her magic and began to flick through the pages with great interest. 

“Okay, I think that’s enough adventure for you today, muffin,” Derpy said to her daughter, nudging her with a wing. “I’ve got to go and help out at work, but I want you to promise me you won’t try any more experiments with Time Turner until I get back, okay?” 

The little filly pouted for a moment, before nodding in agreement. Derpy exchanged a few words with Time Turner and then walked back out into the store, and from there went outside and took off into the sky.

I meanwhile, stayed with Bones, Time Turner, and Dinky a little while longer. I mean, how many chances to you get to look inside a real life alien space ship, and one that travels through time at that!  





I stayed for a while, looking around Time Turner’s strange, fantastical, and arguably living time machine. It really was quite remarkable; it had to be almost the size of the Louvre inside. Bones too stayed for a while, helping Time Turner run a few checks on the ship. After all, it had been floating around in the vortex, effectively out of control, for the better part of eight years.

It really was quite a funny story really. When he’d set up shop here in Ponyville, Time Turner’s first priority had been to recover his missing ship. After constructing a rudimentary scanner, he’d searched for and found the TARDIS. It was about twenty five years into the future.

Satisfied that his ship would be safe there until he ‘caught up’ with it, he decided to settle in to what was planned as a sort of temporary retirement, opening up a shop in Ponyville to keep his experiments a secret. After all, the sort of stuff he was working on, he thought, was too advanced for the ponies. In that time though, Derpy, who’d initially helped him recover and find his feet in Equestria, also gave birth to his daughter, Dinky. He’d been her shoulder to cry on when her ex left and, as Derpy put it, ‘things just kind of got away from them’. Hence how I now have a half-pony half-Timelord in my class. 

That was how things had gone for several years. Certain that Twilight and her friends could deal with any problems that came up, Time Turner kept his head down and lived a quiet life. It wasn’t until a couple of months ago, when, finding himself wistful, he searched for the TARDIS again. To his surprise, it wasn’t there anymore. That was when he realised it was drifting, and came up with a plan to snare her.

As for how Bones had ended up in the matter, well, in addition to being a fan of the show that took its inspiration from this world, he was also a fan of a very long running show about a fruitcake in a little blue box. Due to a case of having too much free time, he’d picked up a few things about how the TARDIS worked, to the point where he was semi-competent, and actually quite useful.    

Hence how, on one sunny afternoon, a Timelord, a half Timelord, a pegasus, a unicorn, and myself all found themselves in the back room of a clock repair shop trying to land a time machine. 

Who says chatting with mums after school leads nowhere?