//------------------------------// // Catalyst // Story: Grief is the Price We Pay // by Scyphi //------------------------------// It was the only time Thorax had ever gotten the chance to truly converse with the princess of friendship, but he remembered it well. It hadn’t been long after Spike’s attempt to, upon failing to convince the others of the truth thus far, take matters into his own claws and attempt to break Thorax out of his cell in the dungeons of the Crystal Empire, only to be caught in the attempt. Now, they had yet again been separated, Thorax locked back up, this time in a different cell in a different part of the dungeons presumably so Spike wouldn’t immediately know where to find him in the event he tried the stunt again. Thorax had otherwise been unharmed still, though he wasn’t sure if that would last much longer. Spike had told him during their attempted escape that the ponies were planning to banish him from the land. Clearly, time was running out for the changeling. As for Spike himself though, he didn’t know where the dragon had been taken, and Thorax was more worried about that. The ponies tried to hide it, for whatever reason Thorax could only really speculate but he hoped it was because the ponies were still holding the dragon in some high regard despite everything, but he could sense in their emotions the growing apprehension. Spike’s attempted breakout had startled them, and now they seemed ready to start viewing the dragon in a new light if they had to. Which then begged the question; what were they now willing to do to Spike for the supposed good of ending the believed changeling threat? Just how much danger was Spike in now from his own allies? His reputation was already damaged because of all of this…how much further would it go from there? Thorax wasn’t willing to find out. Spike had already done far more for his sake than he could have ever hoped to have asked of the dragon. He didn’t wish to repay his friend’s unbounding loyalty and generosity simply by dragging him into the line of fire too. He deserved better. The problem was that, locked up as he was, he was basically helpless to do anything about it except verbally plea in Spike’s defense. And it had been well established by now that anything he said was largely ignored by the ponies. They refused to trust him. A part of Thorax thought he should’ve expected that, but admittedly, he had dared to believe in the beginning of all of this he could overcome that distrust. Perhaps he was a fool to have done so. Whatever the case, the only thing left for him to do was to curl into a ball on the cool floor of his cell and sulk, pondering on the what-could-have-beens and what he should’ve done differently in all of this and wait for what he was thinking would be the inevitable outcome now and try and brace himself for it. Undisturbed and unspoken to for a good while, Thorax was allowed to loose himself in these thoughts…but he was still a changeling, trained enough to be alert of his surroundings that he didn’t miss the timid sound of hoofsteps coming his way. Looking away from the back wall he had been staring at, he turned his head to face the metal bars that sealed him into the cell in time for Princess Twilight Sparkle to step up, the dim lighting of the dungeons leaving her partly in shadow, making her seem more ominous than needed. She stood there, eyes boring into Thorax, for a long moment, not speaking. Knowing she was here for more than shooting death glares at the changeling though, Thorax attempted to spur conversation. “Princess,” he greeted, speaking first. Twilight’s eyes lined up with his. “Release him,” she stated bluntly. She phrased it sternly, like it was an order, and that Thorax had no choice but to obey or face the full wrath of her anger. Going by only outward appearances, Thorax would’ve been fooled entirely. But tasting her aura of emotions revealed differently. It was not anger that surrounded her…it was fear. “I cannot,” Thorax answered simply, knowing who “him” was. “Cannot, or will not?” “I cannot, as there is nothing to release Spike from. His actions are his own.” Twilight’s eyes narrowed, but Thorax sensed the fear she was putting off increase. Thorax realized she feared that might actually be the truth and he suspected she was really searching for something, anything, that would quell that fear. “You have to have done something,” the alicorn pressed sternly, outwardly maintaining her dark demeanor but Thorax knew by this point it was simply a front. “Some mind trick or manipulation, some sort of spell you’ve somehow managed to hide from our detection, or…” “I do not have the ability to do any of these things you are describing, Princess,” Thorax patiently explained, and it was not for the first time that he had tried to explain this to his pony captors. “I have done nothing to brainwash Spike, by any definition of the word, and I utterly lack any of the training or skill to even try if I wanted to, which I reiterate that I have absolutely no such desire to do such a thing to Spike, or anyone.” “Don’t lie to me!” Twilight suddenly snapped, rapping her forehoof on the metal bars of his cell with a clang, startling the changeling for the first time in the conversation. “In your race’s invasion of Canterlot, your Queen Chrysalis was more than capable of mind controlling my brother with ease, so why couldn’t you do the same?” Thorax forced his tone to remain calm and even as before. “Queen Chrysalis,” he explained simply, “as a queen, has access to more magical power at any given time than I, as well as far more magical training. Furthermore, as I recall, she had also been using then-Captain Shining Armor as a food source, which would have left him weakened enough that he would be more susceptible to manipulation of any sort. I do not have that advantage here.” He sensed a flare of annoyance in Twilight’s emotions, and he suspected his continued cool demeanor was bothering her. “Have you been feeding on Spike, then?” she asked, almost spat, in barely contained revulsion. The danger in her tone was clear, and though Thorax naturally hesitated before responding, he knew lying about this would only make things worse. “With his permission,” Thorax responded, “and only because I was starving when he found me.” “I’ll bet you were,” Twilight grumbled. Thorax didn’t need to sense her emotions to know there was doubt in her words. “I have been completely discreet though,” Thorax continued, stressing this point. “Nowhere to the same extent as Queen Chrysalis would have been feeding in your example, and I have no desire to change that, nor any intent to even try to overfeed on Spike, or anyone within or without this empire. I could easily glean what I need to survive on anypony without anypony ever needing to notice it was happening. Why would I do anything to change that?” Now it was his turn to narrow his eyes, gazing determinedly at the princess. “At any rate, I swear princess, on my life and the great Informis Una herself and all of her sacred acorns that I would never do such a thing to Spike, or anyone else of any race.” He let his gaze soften, tilting his head sadly at Twilight. “I truly only wish to be friends, princess.” Twilight’s gaze also softened, but doubt was clearly still written upon it. “That’s touching,” she admitted without feeling. “But you’re a changeling, part of race of born liars and deceivers. Why should I believe you? For all I know, you could have already done precisely all of that and are just denying it now so to vainly hide your tracks.” “If Spike had been fed upon and mind controlled in the same manner Queen Chrysalis had done to Prince Shining Armor,” Thorax stated levelly, “then you wouldn’t have need to come down here and ask me if it had been done, because it would already be blatantly obvious to all that such a thing had transpired to Spike by now. I think you know that, princess.” And he knew that, because he knew from reports in the hive after the failed invasion that Twilight had been the only one to catch onto Chrysalis’s presence precisely because she saw something amiss in Shining Armor’s behavior—among other things—by the time the mind control was already getting put into place. And though he saw Twilight attempt to hide it by putting on another glare, he sensed her fear flare among her emotions again, telling him she had indeed determined this for herself. Not that she was about to admit it, of course. “For someone who claims to not be very knowledgeable about this subject, you seem very fluent about it,” she pointed out. “I still say you’re lying. I can’t believe you are really here with peaceful intent.” Thorax sighed, hanging his head, tired of all of this arguing. He could say whatever he wished at this point; they were never going to believe him. “I honestly do not expect you to at this point, princess,” he admitted, dejected. He raised his gaze back up at the purple alicorn. “But then again, I fully realize you have a grudge against me because I’m a changeling, and you’ve been letting it blind you from the obvious facts.” Twilight, for the first time, was unable to hide her emotions from displaying on her features and pulled back slightly in alarm with widened eyes, and Thorax realized this was the first time she had even considered how much of an effect her personal bias might be having on this matter. “That’s…I’m not—that has nothing to do with it!” she insisted in an unsure stutter. “It’s not even relevant to this!” “Princess Twilight,” Thorax interrupted before she could try and hide the matter. “I am not trying to dissuade you from this thinking. In all honesty…I can’t blame you. I’m aware on what you had been put through during the invasion at Canterlot; I can understand why you’d be immediately distrustful of any changeling you might meet after that.” He rose finally and approached the bars that divided him from the princess, placing his hooves around the bars. Twilight unconsciously took a cautious step back when he did this. “I can already see I can’t sway you or the others to my side, and I fear continuing to try to force a peaceful resolution will only create more harm for all of us, the last thing I want. I know what you, your brother, and Princess Cadance are already considering, so I urge you to simply banish me and be done with it.” Twilight’s eyes widened again as she blinked in surprise. “I haven’t said anything about banishment,” she remarked aloud without thinking, not thinking about how she was only confirming Throax’s suspicions by saying as such, but Thorax didn’t bother reminding her of that. “How did you—?” “I will not fight such a ruling,” Thorax continued without letting the mare finish. “I will in fact peacefully accept it, and to again demonstrate that I have no intention of harming anypony…I will voluntarily leave and go into such banishment without fight or protest.” Twilight’s brow furrowed at this. “You would?” she asked, puzzled. “Why?” “Because I have no wish to cause further trouble, and I’ve caused more than enough than I ever desired already. I can see it will be fruitless to try and resist anyway, and I fear trying would only drag those few who are supporting me down with me…” he gazed intently at Twilight. “And I don’t want that happening to Spike, not for my sake.” He felt a flare of fear from Twilight again as the princess’s mind no doubt pictured such an event and knew she thought similar. “Besides,” Thorax couldn’t help but add. “I can’t help but think you’ll be preoccupied with…other troubles…if and when you do banish me.” Twilight frowned again and tilted her gaze questioning at him. “Is that…is that a threat?” she asked, trying to sound threatening but couldn’t stop the notable uncertainty from bleeding through into her question. To Thorax, it implied that she already knew perfectly well that it was no threat; merely a statement of fact. He chose not to admit it directly though, and instead shrugged. “You would have to ask Spike after I am banished,” he answered cryptically. Twilight’s eyes widened slightly, and Thorax couldn’t help but inwardly note to himself she had caught what he was implying. But as quick as the telltale had appeared, the alicorn shook her head and hid it again. “Spike had expressed fear earlier that you would perish if you are cast out and left on your own,” she stated pointedly, with an insincerity that clearly implied she did not believe that would actually be the case. No doubt she, like the others, were falsely thinking there were other changelings close by, waiting for Thorax, that would come to his aide. Thorax had already been thinking about this possibility though, and though it naturally frightened him much more than he cared to admit or show, he was coming to terms with the fact that he could starve and ultimately perish out there if things didn’t work out here. He knew he wouldn’t have anywhere else to go, would have no reliable access to food or real promise of miraculously finding one soon once banished, and knew he would never be able to return to the hive in time to save himself from starvation…assuming the hive even took him back in after having turned traitor. Basically then, if the game was already lost, he might as well cut his losses. Thus, he again chose honesty as the best response; “My untimely death could very well be the case if I am banished, princess,” he said calmly and matter-of-factly, making it clear he at least was confident of its likelihood. He quickly saw his morbid admission strike a nerve in Twilight, unsettling her, but she was quick to hide it again, and instead chose to avoid addressing it. “You also must realize,” she continued, and it was here that Thorax realized she actually was considering his advice to show her support for his banishment, “that assuming I were to throw my support in this supposed banishment, not to say any such thing is being planned right now, then my authority of my rule as the princess of friendship would be backing it up. And as the princess of friendship, I have enough authority that it can be used to legally rule to have you banished from all of Equestria altogether.” She narrowed her gaze seriously at Thorax as if she intended to try and dissuade him from this plan. “Otherwise, without my support, Cadance and Shining Armor alone have only enough authority to banish you from just the Crystal Empire.” Thorax however simply shrugged, overlooking this detail because he viewed it as a moot point. He saw now he wasn’t welcome anywhere in Equestria, banished or not. Even if he was banished from just the Crystal Empire, he still wouldn’t have far he could go. “So be it,” he simply stated, conceding to this fate. “I never wanted to cause trouble, princess. All I want now is to stop it before it gets worse. And since I can’t convince you of the truthfulness of my motives, then if banishment is the only way to end the trouble I’ve caused…I accept that.” Twilight studied him for a very long moment in silence. She was clearly trying to make sense of his resolution on this fact, not understanding his motives why he’d want to…of course because she never believed much of what he told her to begin with. It puzzled her though, and Thorax wondered for a moment if maybe he was seeing an ever so faint glimmer of thought in her that might be wondering if Thorax was being genuine from the beginning after all. But if that was what it was, it was quickly smothered again as Twilight finally snorted and, without further comment, turned and left. She never said if she would indeed push for Thorax’s banishment like discussed, but Thorax knew at that point that she had decided to. Thus he wasn’t at all surprised when that ruling of banishment did indeed come along no more than an hour later. And as promised, he accepted that banishment without a fight, taking comfort in the fact it would end the argument he saw was only dividing the ponies, and keep Spike from getting dragged down into further harm for his belief in Thorax. Of course, Thorax thought to himself as he reflected back on this event in his and Spike’s room in Vanhoover two moons later, neither of us realized Spike would only choose to abandon the ponies and follow me into banishment rather than stand to one side and let me go alone. As Fly Leaf had warned, the good weather they enjoyed on their day at the beach had come to an end by the following week, the weather growing cooler and the weather teams began bringing in rainstorm after rainstorm to get the city’s full quota of water down and on the ground before proceeding into the preparations for autumn. Such a rainstorm was going on now, and Thorax sat on the window seat in the darkened room, watching the drizzle rap against the panes of glass dividing him from it. It was very gloomy weather, and perhaps because of it, Thorax was feeling a tad gloomy himself, and couldn’t help but think about where he was in life now with some apprehension. First and foremost, he wondered about his goal and dream to get ponies and changelings to trust each other long enough to become friends and allies, the whole reason he had come to Equestria in the first place, debating whether or not he would ever accomplish this goal. Seeing Spike was the only one he had managed to achieve that goal with, and he wasn’t even a pony, he was forced to admit he wasn’t seeing it likely…and the thought broke his heart. But in reality it wasn’t so much himself that he was worried about, it was Spike, and how he was dealing with banishment. They had chosen to stay in Vanhoover because despite the lingering dangers, they were happy here. And Thorax still supported that decision entirely. He also saw that Spike was happy with the little life they had built for themselves here in Vanhoover too; the happiest he had seen the dragon since they left the Crystal Empire. But while Spike tried to hide it from Thorax as much as he could, Thorax still knew of the bitter emotions that boiled deep within the little dragon. Despite Spike’s attempts to not allow it to rule his life, he still showed lingering aggravations for the ponies and their role in their banishment. He blamed them resoundingly still for that involvement. And so, Thorax was left wondering that it was in fact himself who ended up being the very catalyst that put them both in their present situation for choosing to urge Twilight to back his banishment…and if maybe he should share some of that blame Spike had been directing at his former pony friends. “Salue, Thorax!” Spike greeted cheerily in linguae mutationis as he suddenly entered the room, removing the glasses he wore for his disguise to rub the lenses clean against his sweater vest. Thorax turned and grinned at the dragon. Though opportunities for him to sit down and teach Spike more about the changeling language had become infrequent, he was still pleased that Spike had learned enough that he could now converse in simple sentences in the language. “Salue, Spica,” he greeted back, before falling back into his musings while watching his friend turn to the desk and begin sorting through the mess of papers upon it, searching for something. Spike, of course, didn’t yet know about how Thorax had urged Twilight into agreeing to banish the changeling. It was somewhat ironic, in fact, that Thorax had only done that mostly with the intent of trying to spare Spike some grief only to be surprised by both Spike following him into banishment and the ponies letting the dragon go with him instead, bringing the dragon that grief anyway, and then some. At times, when he knew Spike was in his low points, the changeling felt responsible for that. Yet for now he had chosen not to tell Spike for a variety of reasons. One was that he wasn’t even certain yet how to appropriately confess his own involvement in their banishment. But he also saw that Spike knowing about it would bring the dragon no lasting benefit or closure, and he feared it would only make Spike’s hostility about their banishment, already a bitter subject for the dragon, worse than it already was. But above all, musing on their friendship as he watched Spike continue to sort through the papers on their desk, Thorax didn’t want to do anything that might end that friendship. It was that friendship that kept Thorax going some days…and he suspected it was very much the same for Spike. They needed that friendship too much. Besides…Thorax had gotten to wondering about Twilight’s involvement in this same banishment too. He still couldn’t explain why the alicorn had chosen to let Spike leave with Thorax in the first place beyond Spike’s own deductions on the matter…but he thought it odd that it was only the crystal guard who seemed to have been involved in searching Vanhoover for them less than a moon ago, and not any of the other factions of royal guards that served in Equestria; the same faction of royal guard that happened to be captained by Twilight’s own elder brother. He also remembered what had been said when those two members of the guard had come to the shop explaining their mission; they had made it seem like they were looking to “rescue” Spike from Thorax. It made Thorax wonder if Twilight had come to regret her own role in the banishment, wanted to get Spike back, and was now throwing her weight as princess around behind the scenes to make it happen. Unfortunately even if that were true, it seemed nothing had changed for Thorax; if what he had learned from those two guards were any indication, the princess of friendship, and no doubt her friends and allies, still saw Thorax as an enemy, to be treated as such. And he knew now that Spike wouldn’t be willing to side with the princess again without Thorax in tow. It was an impasse. Spike finally found the piece of paper he was looking for, holding it up victoriously and turning to leave, only to pause when he noticed Thorax watching him. The changeling’s glum ponderings must have shown on his face, because Spike took on a concerned look. “Something up, Thorax?” he asked. Thorax grinned and shook his head gently to clear his thoughts. “Just thinking a little too hard about things, I suppose,” he admitted. Spike leaned his head over to look out the window at the rainstorm the changeling had been watching. “Yeah, watching the rain will do that to you,” he quipped before straightening again, grinning. “You need something to take your mind off it.” He motioned for the changeling to follow him. “C’mon downstairs. You can join me in watching Fly Leaf try and create that leaning tower of stationery supplies for the display in the front window again.” Thorax grinned, and moved to follow the dragon out the door, putting on his Thornton disguise. “Sounds like just the thing I need,” he admitted, conceding to himself that Spike had a point. Dwelling on the gloomy thoughts wasn’t going to help anyone.