It was time to get serious.
This was your only thought as you came back to the Golden Oak Library after a sixth date with Twilight Sparkle. It had been several months since the first time you'd dated any pony from the group of friends known as the Elements of Friendship. One by one, you dated all six wherever they chose to have it, and however they chose to have it. It was supposed to help you figure out which one you wanted to actually keep around, but ended up making it harder to decide, since you truly enjoyed the presence of all of them. Unfortunately for you, they didn't all want to share.
Mares don't like to share their man, much like women in your homeworld. Polygamy was frowned upon heavily in Equestria, it seemed, so your harem had to go. And the six of them had all expressed in their own way how much they disliked you seeing all their friends.
It started out with Twilight, whom expressed her distaste with you seeing Rainbow Dash the previous evening.
As the two you made your way together back to her place, she seemed to be deep in thought, even bothered by something. So you prodded her for whatever was on her mind. It wasn't easy, but eventually she broke.
"I'm trying not to think about you slobbering all over Rainbow Dash the other day. Believe it or not, I do get jealous when I see you with my friends and it looks like you're having a good time. Sometimes I feel you're not having as good a time with me as you do with them, but I could just be imagining that." She said all of this while refusing to make eye contact with you. Instead, she just walked alongside you, staring ahead at the dirt path or up at the orange-hued sky. The sun was sinking quickly below the horizon, and the air began to cool to a more comfortable temperature. After all, it was mid-summer.
You, on the other hoof - er, hand, - didn't understand the jealousy Twilight or any of the other mares had for you when you spent time with one of the others. It's not like you devoted any more time to any one of them than another. Every week you took time to date at least three of them. You had work, so you couldn't see all six in the week, but you made the effort to show them you cared. And that was hard. As the weeks flew by, your efforts didn't seem to matter as much; they clearly wanted more than just a trip to the café. Which left you scratching your head asking yourself what to do next. What more could you do?
Twilight catches on to your inner conflict and bumps you with her flank, drawing your attention away from your thoughts and back to her.
"Hmm? Yes? Sorry, I was just thinking about stuff. What's up?" you ask casually, stuffing your hands into your jean-pockets and acting nonchalant. Truthfully, though, you were beginning to get worried that things might soon fall apart. What you had going kept you sane in this world. Losing it might be your breaking point.
Twilight hums and eyes you suspiciously, like you'd done something wrong. "What stuff? Is it something I should know about?"
You shrug. "I wouldn't think so, no. It's just something on my mind. It'll be fine."
"It'll be fine? That's something you say when there's a chance it won't be fine, Anon. I'm really curious as to what's bothering you. Whatever it is, it's making you act so calm. I know you well enough to know when something's up."
Curse her for being so damn intuitive. But God, was it hot. "Okay, fine, so maybe something's bothering me. What of it? I'll be fine. If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
"What if you don't know it's broken?"
Dammit.
You sigh and give up. Too easily. "I'll tell you in a more private place. I don't want to discuss the inner-workings of my mind around potential eavesdroppers," you say and shrug again, glancing at the sliver of light between houses, the sun. It finally crept below the horizon, bringing on the sounds of night. Your favorite time.
Twilight takes a deep breath and lets it out. "I see. So you're finally in the mood, is my guess."
"What?! No! It... well, I'm always in the mood. I'm a guy. But that's not what I had on my mind just a few moments ago. It was something far more important." You stumble over a rock and nearly fall, but manage to catch yourself. Twilight gives a quiet chuckle.
She clears her throat purposefully. "In any case, you haven't really been... well, giving. Despite your claim of always being in the mood. I'm just saying, it'd be nice for you to show it."
You stop in the middle of the path and gawk at her, prompting her to stop and stare back at you. "Why are you always so horny?"
She points to her horn. "I'm a unicorn."
You face-palm. "Let's just get back so I can get this crap off my chest." You start walking at a faster pace, Twilight coming up alongside you, having to go in a slow gait to keep up.
"You know there's a spell for that, right?" Twilight speaks up as the two of you hurry to the library now.
"Spell for what?"
"Getting fecal matter off your chest. I know a spell for that, since you mentioned crap on your chest."
"Stop talking."
"Just trying to be helpful, geesh."
After preparing drinks for the two of you, Twilight directs you upstairs to her room so you could speak to her privately about the rising issues in your six-way relationship. You sit on the bed beside her, while she lays back and lounges, acting a little too comfortable. Still kind of hot, though. You won't deny.
You sit resting your weight on one arm propped behind you, holding you up, while the other clutches the sweet serenade of Equestrian liquor Twilight concocted with a spell. This was the best alcoholic beverage you'd ever tasted. It was literally like drinking heaven.
"Now, to explain in short what is on my mind, I'm worried about this dating stuff getting old for you guys. I feel like you might want more than a date once a week. Same with the others. Am I right to assume this?" You gulp down more of the nectar from the glass in your hand.
Twilight sighed heavily. "No, you're right. The girls and I have already had a meeting discussing what should be done."
You arch an eyebrow in mild surprise. "Really?"
Twilight nods and sips her own drink. "Of course. Clearly I'm jealous of you and Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy doesn't really want to talk about her jealousy, but we all know she craves your attention. AJ doesn't really seem to care. Rarity wants you to take her out more, Pinkie wants a party with you every day, and Rainbow... well, she wants to hog you, it seems. Like she's claiming you as all hers. It's a bit unfair, if you ask me."
You knew it was bad, but this just proves it'll get worse if you don't do something. But what?
You cough and guzzle down the rest of your drink. "So, uh... what do I do then? If everypony is so jealous, what do I do?"
Twilight sets her drink down and rolls on her belly, scooting closer to you. She gazes up at you with dreamy, half-shut eyes and a curious grin on her face. "Well, you have to pick one of us to love the most and stick with her. So, marry one of us."
Marry. You knew this was coming. It was only a matter of time. "And let me guess, you want me to marry you."
She scoots a little closer. "That's not all I want."
"What, are you in heat or something? Jesus," you stand up and set your glass beside hers on the nightstand by her bed.
Twilight glares at you. "No. Couples make love, Anon. They love each other. They're emotionally and physically attracted to each other. Don't you know anything about relationships?" She rolls her eyes and snatches a book off a shelf with her magic and slams it against your chest. You grab it and read the cover. "Book of Love". Well at least now you can actually learn something.
"So now I go read this and become an expert on love?" you say slightly sarcastically.
"Read it and come back when you understand how we're all feeling. I think I speak for all of the girls and myself when I say we're tired of sharing you, Anon. We all want to eventually settle down. Maybe even start a family. Love isn't a game, you know. I think you need to go home, read that, and decide which of us you're going to stick with, that way the rest of us can move on and look for another mate." She turns over and curls up in her bed. "Goodnight, Anon."
Well that went about as expected.
"Goodnight, Twilight. Sleep well." You blow out the candle nearby and head home with the book she gave you. Hopefully it'd actually help you. She was right about the making love part, but you just couldn't get used to the fact that you'd be humping a pony. As hot as they are, it still felt weird.
You get home shortly after and sit down with the book under a lamp, flipping it open. It was written by the stages of love, one for each chapter. First sight attraction, appreciation, infatuation, etc. All written in the simplest of ways so that even a complete moron could understand what love truly is.
So you flip to page one and begin reading. By morning, you should be ready to start discussing this "settling down" stuff with the others.
Little do you know, it's about to get rough.