//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: Mea praeterita // Story: The Conversion Bureau: A Boy and his Dream // by Lord Chit Chat //------------------------------// Chapter 1 I woke up and got out bed. I walked past my window and saw what was once a thriving human city. The city of New York. Once a hope for many, for it provided a fresh start. But now, all this view did, was that it reminded me of how humanity now was a dying race. Just ten years ago, New York was still a thriving city. But twenty years ago, we were given what was both a blessing and a curse. I don’t know how, but they came. And that is a fact. In one way, I am glad they came as they were able to do what I could not. To save humanity from its own undoing. I tried, I really did. But every time I tried to execute my plan to the full, something came up and ruined it all, forcing me to start anew. The company I started was a good step in the right direction, but not good enough to do it in one swift step. A few good investments here and there gave me enough money to get rid of any competition, but not enough to conquer the world’s economy. So I tried making business deals with other companies in similar branches, only to get backstabbed over and over again. And then when we finally had something worth selling, they come out of nowhere and do the job for me. Well the few years that we were able to sell AIs, the company got pretty rich, and received plenty of both good and bad publicity. I had this building built in the middle of New York. It did look pretty nice, but with the population rapidly declining there was nobody there to admire the feat of modern construction during its lifetime. Yeah, these have been a pretty wacky twenty years. If I hadn’t had my own goals and wishes for humanity and if I wasn’t too good for myself I bet I’d have gone to a conversion bureau the minute they opened up. It would kinda be expected from a brony. Nevertheless, even though I am probably one of the last humans alive, I still want to preserve all that there is to preserve. I had James, my personal AI butler, catalogue and record everything there is and ever was. From history books to children’s stories. From the Louvre to that noname art gallery around the corner. When humanity does die out, I wouldn’t want it to be forgotten in the sands of time. I really am too good for my own good. Good thing James keeps me company. I think otherwise I would have gone insane. I didn’t really go out much since they opened the bureaus. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I went out for the last seven years. Most of my “buddies” were in the board of directors, but they aren’t like me, they’re not giving a damn about everything. The board of directors went one by one until I was the only residing member. Can’t say I blame them. A new start in this world? It was a dream come true, it was. Red plague hitting central Europe, crop failures three years in a row. And then there were my AIs that pretty much skyrocketed the unemployment rate. Yep, it was pretty screwed up. Well, enough self-pity and let’s get back to work then shall we? I think I’ll start with what James managed to find in the comedy books department. Oh and maybe... “There is a lavender unicorn in the lobby asking for you, sir. How shall I proceed?” a computerized voice disrupted the silence of the room. “A pony visitor? I don’t think I ever had one of those. New York is the second dirtiest city in the world. No pony would be able to live here with all the filth.” I commented while tying my tie. It’s a good thing I love suits, otherwise I might as well have greeted the pony naked or in pyjamas. “Well, I don’t know if they could or could not live here, sir, but the fact remains that you do have a visitor who is coincidentally a pony. Should I direct it to your office?” James interrupted my babbling. “Yes of course I want you to direct it..wait..why are you calling it an it when it has a gender. They’ve got names for God’s sake. I don’t think it should be referred to as it. But then again I don’t think it would be polite for you to scan its genitals so you can determine its gender. What do you think?” I pulled out the jacket that went with the suit out of my closet. “I think you look good, sir, as always. But I also think you’re overthinking, sir.” replied James. “Yes, you’re right. You would think a man would get relaxed after not doing much for seven years. Turns out he’s more stressed out than ever before. Life really is full of surprises.” I told him. “I wouldn’t know, sir. Technically I was never alive to begin with and therefore I wouldn’t know anything about it. ” he replied to me. I let out a laugh and then said “Don’t be like that James. You’re alive enough for me. Now, where is our guest?” I asked. “Our guest in the elevator, sir. It should be arriving in exactly forty two point zero zero seconds.” he replied. “Oh, better hurry into the office then. Good thing there’s only one wall telling them apart.” I said and rushed into my office. I wanted to look professional you see. My apartment was located right behind the elevator that lead to my office. The office itself was composed of a large C-shaped desk with six leather chairs around it and one in the middle. I sat down in the middle. I noticed one of my shoelaces was untied so I started tying it. The lavender unicorn stepped out of the elevator admiring the music it played. She stepped into the office and saw a man in a black suit sitting in his chair looking downwards and doing something with his shoes. She cleared her throat and then started to speak “I reckon you’re John Eriksson?” As soon as I heard that voice my mind went blank. Could it really be? Out of ten billion ponies she came to visit? I quickly finished tying my shoes, together. I slowly raised my head above the desk to see if it was really her. And wouldn’t you believe it? It was. I quickly pulled myself together to answer the question “Yes, that’s me.” She saw a man with thin stylish glasses, short dark brown hair, chestnut eyes and a zorro moustache. The surprising thing about it was that the apparent seventy-year-old man didn’t look a day over forty. “Ohh, good, my name is-” she started introducing herself. “Twilight Sparkle...” I interrupted her introduction. “H-how do you know my name? Have we met before?” she asked in confusion. “No...no, Ms. Sparkle, we have never met before. Not in the usual sense anyway. Ehm, please, take a seat. Would you perhaps be interested in something to eat or drink?” I offered. Twilight sat in one of the four chairs around the circular desk and said “No, thank you, I wouldn’t want to be a bother.” “Not at all, I have some raspberry tea, as well as some salad if you would care for some.” “Well, if you insist. I’d love some raspberry tea-” she heard her belly grumble “-and maybe a salad too come to think of it.” In a few minutes a robot came through the office doors with the salad and the tea. During that time Twilight Sparkle and I exchanged surprised looks. I mean, how in the blazes does she of all ponies come to me. I’m not an important person. I just invested my money in the right directions. It’s not like I saved humanity or something. And...wait, why is she so surprised to see me? Am I wearing my shirt backwards again? When the robot arrived with the food and drinks I took a sip of the tea before asking Twilight “So, what brings you here, Ms. Sparkle. A mare of your calibre wouldn’t come to somebody like me if it wasn’t something dire. ” “Well, I have some important news for you, sir.” “Alright, Ms.Sparkle-” I took another sip of tea and let out a long sigh “-let me in on it.” “Well, as you know, you’re one of the last humans alive and isn’t openly against ponification. And well...what I am about to say might..upset you or worse...” “Ms.Sparkle I don’t think there’s anything that can surprise me anymore. Go right ahead.” “Well...” She took out a few papers out of her saddlebags. She then began reading from them “The Purification Spell: the single greatest piece of arcane spellcraft ever conceived by anypony in our history. Harnessing the casting power of millions upon millions of unicorns, a wave of energy would wash over the planet, refining everything the spell touched to the base elements that comprise it, and imbuing it with natural life energy. When the spell is finished, all that would remain would be a new world virtually untouched by human hands. A clean slate. Everypony would take shelter in Equestria when the spell is cast, to avoid its devastating side effects. ” she paused for a moment and then said “This is due in one month. And this is why we’ve been pushing to get the last of humanity ponified. So you can survive.” “Tabula Rasa. Well,” I let out a laugh “I can’t say I’m surprised. If you ask me, we had it coming. If I remember right, Princess Celestia brought Equestria to Earth to sever the dimension holes that were bringing red plague to Equestria. The same holes that brought green grass to Earth after so many years. Well, as we say here on Earth - everything with a beginning also has an end. And it looks like humanity’s end is just a month away.” I started crying. “So you will accept ponification?” Twilight asked. “Ms.Sparkle, I’d be the happiest man on Earth. I’ve been waiting for this moment an entire lifetime.” “A lifetime? But we’ve been here for only about 20 years. I think you can hardly call that a lifetime.” “20 years? Oh no, I’ve been waiting for this moment a lot longer than that.” “But how? That’s impossible. There’s no way you could have known we would be coming.” I let out a smirk and said “Well not exactly of you coming but I knew of you being. Let me tell you a story of a boy’s journey through life and his dreams, Ms.Sparkle. It should shed some light on the matter.” “I was born in 1994. My homeland was engulfed in war at the time. A war that resulted in the biggest genocides since World War 2. For better or worse my people won that war, and pushed the aggressor back. Thus my country gained its independence. I grew up in a world filled with hatred, greed and destruction. In school I was perhaps no better. I teased some and then I was teased. We all teased ourselves. I had my shares of fist fights as well. But something happened to me in the 7th grade. Something to this day I cannot explain. I somehow came to the conclusion that God gave me the mission to make the world a better place. From that day forth I was on a mission by God. On every few steps it was obvious I was lucky. I afforded myself a scholarship at Cambridge, England, in the computer science department. Back then it was the best career you could choose. Countless job opportunities, big salaries, the works. I loaned some money from the bank, with which I got the funds necessary to start my company. The company in whose office we sit as we speak. It dealt with new innovations and the sorts, but the biggest capital it gained was from manufacturing specialized computer parts for the militaries of the world. This allowed me to do some endeavours of my own. AIs, holograms, robots, cybernetics as we know it have all been invented in most part by the branches I was able to invest in. Soon I had enough income to drop out of the military businesses. And well, that’s all there is to it. Invest into something smart and you come out filthy rich. People loved working in my companies...I paid my workers fair and just, treated them like family, and most importantly, I cared for my customers. A service that got scarcer in the years before ponies appeared. Maybe that’s why I wasn’t the richest bastard in the world? Too good for my own pocket. But, unlike others, I didn’t want to sell my soul to the devil for an extra dollar or two. I wanted to make the world a fairer place to live in. I believe God helped me on this life journey. Or maybe, I was just plain ol’ lucky. My original plan was to buy out the entire world’s economy. With it I could easily control all of the governments of Earth. I could instate a justful dictatorship. When I went to school they always taught us that dictatorships were bad. This was only semi-true in my opinion. It was just a coincidence that most if not all the dictatorships in the world back then were all led by tyrants. I thought like this: if I could instate a dictatorship, my dictatorship, and I’m still myself by the time I do it and not some power hungry maniac, this world could be a better place. I did fail in sorts. Rather, you didn’t give me enough time to do so. But I’m happy nevertheless. You ponies gave humanity a opportunity. An opportunity to fulfill a dream. An opportunity to enter a dream world where everyone was happy, where there were no wars, serious diseases, famine, unemployment etc. a dream come true.” I stood up and let out a few more tears before asking Twilight “Before I get to the important bit, could you perhaps send a friendship letter to Celestia, Ms.Sparkle. On my behalf?” She spat out some of her tea in shock “Wait what?! How do you know about friendship letters?” Twilight was shockingly confused. “I’m sorry I haven’t gotten to the point where I clarify things a bit for you, Ms.Sparkle. I promise I’ll tell you everything right after we write this letter.” I reached for my pen inside my suit, but then suddenly remembered “Could you perhaps write the letter for me, Ms.Sparkle? Ever since AIs took the scene I haven’t had to write anything by hand. They practically made my handwriting a memory of the past. The only thing left that I know how to write is my signature.” I laughed. Twilight, still confused a bit, nodded in agreement. “Alright, shall we begin?” I asked while I sat in the seat next to her. Twilight nodded again and started writing as I spoke the contents of the letter. Dear Princess Celestia, You may have heard of me and/or my company, and then again you may have not. I’m not sure how the ranking and bureaucracy works in Equestria. But that is not important. I come forth to you, with this letter, to express my appreciation and gratitude on my and humanity’s behalf. You gave humanity a chance to start over in Equestria, and ask nothing in return. You made our world a better place, something I have seeked to do during my entire life. Simple words cannot describe how happy I was when I heard you would make the Earth green again. The only words that can come out of my mouth are: Thank you. Your most grateful follower, John Eriksson I took a pen out of my suit and put my signature right next to my name. And the remembered something. “Ohh and add.” P.S. To Princess Luna, I put the curse of a thousand hugs upon thee. Your biggest fan, John Eriksson Again I put my signature next to my name. Twilight puts the letter into one of her saddlebags and then turns at me with a very confused facial expression. “So, Ms. Sparkle, as promised, I’ll tell you my secret. How I knew what friendship letters are, how I knew your name even though we never met and how I knew that your kind was coming...the answer is very simple, really. ” I said as I put my pen back into my suit. I stood up walked up to the window and then started looking again into the barren cityscape. I put my hands behind my back and said “I am a brony, Ms.Sparkle.” “No, you’re still human, sir.” Twilight corrected me as she probably had heard pony instead of brony. “No, not a pony, Ms.Sparkle. A brony. A male individual above the age of 6 who watched the show My little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I think this could clarify a few things. James. Initiate program P0N3-H4RD.” A few lights flickered and then the windows in front of me turned into screens that were showing several scenes from several episodes of MLP:FiM. I touched the window showing scenes from the very first episode. It started playing across all 6 windows in front of me. 9 by 22 feet worth of full HD. Twilight approached the screen in amazement. “Ho...how? This is me. And my friends! Wait is that? Princess Candence’s wedding? How is this even possible? I don’t understand...” she was stunned. I looked at her for a moment then set my eyes back on the screen. “A long time ago this show aired on our TV sets and computer streams. I’m guessing Lauren Faust had some insight into your world and then just copied what she saw in it onto paper and turned it into a TV show. Made a good buck of it too. Twilight, because of you and your friends many people started viewing life in a more cheerful manner. They started learning the values of friendship and your adventures and mishaps around Equestria made people enjoy life once more. For some it even meant the line between life and death.” I said to her. “H-how many were you?” she inquired further. “I never found out, but people said we counted by the millions. It’s a strange thing really that this world went downhill. I guess no matter how many we were it was still not enough. Luckily, as I said countless times before, you came along. And that’s all that matters now.” I paused for a moment. “There was also this myth back in 2012 that the world was going to end on the 21st of December 2012. Some of us bronies thought that what the Mayans thought as the apocalypse was actually when Equestria would surface on our world. Well, we all know how that came out. Nevertheless, as the date went by and you have not shown, a few years later I had hired a team of genetic scientists to create the formula now known as the Ponification Serum. They managed to make the base for the one we use now. It wasn’t until you at last came and used your magic on it to complete it.“ I said before Twilight wanted to ask me something. “So you’ve met the Princesses then?” she inquired. “Sadly, no. I was on an important meeting at the time and was unable to attend. However, as you probably know, I gave the serum free of charge. Hmph. Maybe I did help save humanity after all.” I let out a laugh and then continued on “Alright James. Turn it off.” The screen turned off and it was a normal window once more. “Ms. Sparkle? Before we continue with our meeting may I ask you something?” I inquired. She nodded in agreement, still amazed by the things I had shown. “Ms. Sparkle, may I have the honor of calling you Twilight?” Twilight looked at me oddly and then giggled a bit while saying “Of course, Mr.Er-” “If I can call you Twilight, Twilight, then rest assured that you don’t need to call me Mr.Eriksson. It would be an honor if you would call me Erik.” I smiled at the lavender pony. She became puzzled once more as she knew my first name was John and not Erik. “Erik? I thought your first name was John?” “Yes, indeed it is. I changed it when I finished Cambridge. Mainly because my last name sounded funny in English. But I still prefer being called Erik over John.” Twilight smiled and said “Ok, Erik.” “Twilight, are you still in all that checklist of a checklist of a checklist business?” I asked her wondering if she changed a bit since the show ended. “Of course I still do my checklist of a checklist of a checklist? How else would I know how to make my checklist of a checklist of a checklist of a checklist?” she answered with a counter-question. “Well knowing you, I think you should check that checklist.” I raised my left sleeve so that my wrist watch could be visible and tapped on it a few times, so that Twilight can get the right idea. “You wouldn’t like to be late somewhere, would you?” “Oh my gosh! You’re right! I’ll be late for my appointment with Fluttershy in Los Alicorn.” she panicked. “Los Alicorn? How would you go all the way to Los Angeles and back to Equestria in a month’s time?” I was bewized. “Celestia had tasked one of her flying carriages to accommodate me. The two pegasi guards are going to be furious if I’m late!” “How fast would you be in Los Angeles?” “In about two to four days.” “Well since it is my fault you’re going to be late, how about I make it up to you by flying you all the way over to Los Angeles in a few hours?” “A few hours?! That would be awesome! I could reschedule all of my thing sooner and have everything done by the end of the week! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” she hopped around me. Naturally I laughed. “You go downstairs, Twilight and let the pegasi know they can go back to Canterlot. Let me lock up the place. I’ll meet you down once I’m finished.” I smiled, she nodded and took the elevator immediately. “James, prepare the limousine and the jet at JFK. How much fuel does the jet have?” I asked my AI butler. “Enough to get you to your destination, sir. Furthermore, if you wish to travel further, you own several reservoirs of hydrogen at LAX , which would fill up the jet enough to travel all the way to Europe and back and still have some leftovers. This is of course if you took the shortest route to Europe.” the computerized voice replied. “Thank you James. I’ll see you in the limo, then.” “Do you wish me to commence program FS-NYNY and follow its intended route?” he inquired. “Yes James. That would be quite nice.” I smiled at the speaker located in one of the room’s corners. I took one last glimpse at the city of New York from my office. I rotated the chairs back into their original positions and then took the elevator to the lobby. I exited the elevator and saw Twilight talk to the two pegasi guards. They nodded and flew into the sky, probably headed for Canterlot. When I came to the exit, I turned around and made a last glimpse at the logo of my company. A big blue double-sided E encircled with the name of the company. Eriksson Enterprises. And underneath the logo and name was the motto of the company “Audentes fortuna iuvat” meaning “Fortune favours the bold”. I looked at the huge lobby one last time and then exited the 86-story skyscraper. “How do we get to the airport, Erik” asked the lavender pony. “James should be arriving with the car shortly.” I replied. “I thought he was a computer and that they’re pretty stationary.” she inquired further. “James is special. He has 3 satellites under direct control and with them he can download himself into any computer he has access to. And nowadays, well rather 30 years ago, all cars started to come with high tech computer systems installed into them for the convenience of the users.” I answered. Shortly after the Lincoln Town Car Stretch Limousine park in front of the two. I opened the rear door for Twilight. “After you, milady.” She giggled and entered the car. I followed her in and closed the door behind me. The car drove from Manhattanville, where the skyscraper was located, to Central Park, which was now a large slab of concrete filled with dried-out fountains and the occasional plastic tree. Erik reminded himself how beautiful it would be that Central Park would be green once more, just like it was 60 years ago. The car then continued towards Times Square, a place once filled with people, now desolate like the rest of the city. The car drove on to the Empire State Building, begging to be shown in the light once more. We drove around the peninsula and, on the way towards the United Nations, we saw the oldest suspension bridge in the now former United States of America - The Brooklyn Bridge. Shortly after we arrived at the United Nations. Once a marvel of humanity, now a crumbling artifact of the past. We crossed the 59th Street Bridge and went directly to JFK International Airport from there. We arrived at the airport approximately 40 minutes after we’ve left. The car stopped at the main entrance when James asked me “How should I proceed, sir? The transportation system within the airport seems to be out of function. Do I have permission to perform some illegal actions in order for us to reach the plane?” “Yes James. You may proceed.” The car started moving again. “A plane? I thought you went out of gas about 15 years ago.” Twilight asked. “We did. That’s why my plane uses hydrogen for fuel. A lot more environmentally friendly and more reliable. But the creation of hydrogen is what it made an unpopular choice, because creating hydrogen is a expensive thing and it can blow up easily.” I explained. The car hit a bump in the road and made a clinking sound come from a compartment. I was curious so I opened it. And to my surprise I found several bottles of apple cider in it. “James, when did I stock the limo with apple cider?” I asked my AI butler. “When beer started tasting like it was rubber, sir.” he replied. “Well, a bottle can’t hurt now, can it? Would you like one, Twilight?” I asked the lavender unicorn. “Ohh, don’t mind if I do. I just hope it’s nearly as good as Applejack’s Cider.” she replied. “I doubt it. But it’s the nearest thing to it in my world.” I opened up two bottles and handed one to Twilight who lifted it up with her magic. “Heh.” “What is it, Erik?” “I would have never thought that I would experience magic for the first time on a bottle of apple cider.” I bursted into laughter. “Cheers!” I took several gulps of cider, before focusing my attention to Twilight who yet again seemed puzzled and yet sad about something. “What is it Twilight?” I asked her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was your first time experiencing magic. I kinda’ ruined the memory of it, didn’t I?” Twilight said slightly regretful. “Twilight...it’s not your fault. I’ve been practically locked up in that office for the last 2 years, preparing myself for this day, unknowingly. I never had a pony visitor before you. So I couldn’t experience anything related to ponykind. And-” I lifted her chin up “-I’m glad that’s changed.” and gave her a hug. She felt so warm, fluffy...and huggable. After a time I released her from my hugging clutches and said “better drink up Twilight. We’re almost at the plane.” A few moments later we arrived at the hangar where the plane was conveniently parked so it could take off almost immediately. The car stopped and I said “Good job, James. Another perfect parking.” I got out first, waiting for Twilight to get out of the car. I once more felt the soft wind in my hair. In front of me was my own jet, which had Luna’s cutie mark painted on its tail. After Twilight got out I closed the door of the limo and went up to the plane. “Is that-” Twilight started asking. “Yes. Yes it is.” I replied before she could finish the question. James lowered the stairs so we could climb in. After Twilight had entered I closed the door and put her into the sofa, where she would be most comfortable. “Alright James, fire her up!” I yelled. “I can hear you perfectly, sir. There is no need for shouting.” James said. “I know, but I always wanted to do that. Makes me feel like a captain of a starship.” I let out a laugh. I then walked over to the chair opposite of Twilight and put on my seatbelt. When she saw me do this she buckled hers as well. I soon heard the engines warm up. Unlike when I was just a boy of 6 when I first went on an air trip, the engines on the hydrogen jets were a lot quieter. You could probably stand right next to them and not have your ears blown out.The plane was soon moving on to the runway. James handled pretty much every vehicle flawlessly. Considering the runway had not been maintained for a decade or more it was in quite good shape. The plane was soon speeding up and was soon in the air. While we were slowly climbing I heard Twilight shriek in pain. I immediately unbuckled myself and went towards her. “Twilight! What’s wrong?” I asked while holding her shoulder. “My ears! They hurt!” she yelled in pain. I sat next to her and told her “Put your head on my hip, and swallow as much as possible. It’s the sudden air pressure difference. Everything is going to be ok.” I gently combed her hair with my fingers so she would calm down. I forgot that on your first plane trip you have to experience such pain. I remember when i was just six that the pain was unbearable. Luckily, the next time I was on a plane it didn’t happen, as well as the other 2000 trips I went to by plane. You get used to it I guess. “Don’t worry Twilight, the pain is going to go away soon, by itself.” I decided to ask James how much longer until we reach Los Angeles, or Los Alicorn as they call it now. “James, what’s the ETA for Los Angeles?” “Four hours at the current speed, sir. Would you like to take a look to your right, sir?” “Ohh I almost forgot, the final stage of program FS-NYNY. Ehm, can you stop the program James? I think we’ll be returning here some time during our adventure, so to say. But do be so kind as to play the song, will you?” “Yes sir.” James answered. I looked through the right window and saw lady Liberty still standing tall and proud. I saluted her. Soon the song “New York, New York” by Frank Sinatra went through the speakers. ”Goodnight, the city that never slept.” I said to the city. After a few minutes on the same altitude, her pain stopped. She had a thankful look in her eyes. “You might want to take some rest Twilight. You’ve had a long day behind you, and I believe you wouldn’t want Fluttershy see you in such a tired condition.” she nodded and fell asleep in my lap. “James be mindful of flying pegasi. I don’t want to have pony blood on my hands because my AI couldn’t see in front of itself.” I warned James. “Right, sir. I will slowly increase altitude where there should be less chance of flying pegasi. Once we start our approach on LAX I’ll let you know.” he replied. “Alright, I’ll go to sleep as well. Goodnight, James.” I said. “Good night, sir.” I fell into slumber.