//------------------------------// // Something indeed // Story: General Sam // by Papa Krell //------------------------------// Sam sipped his ginger ale and munched on the last morsel of perfectly fried chicken remaining from his lunch. The chicken had actually been part of a chicken sandwich but fell out before he could take the first bite and landed in the sandwich's wrapper, but rather than return the little nugget of breaded goodness to its rightful home, he'd let it stay put until now. "Chick-Fil-a is Good shit, but I shouldn't be eating it all the time because my doctor says I need to start keeping my cholesterol in check before I have a lil' stroke." He explains into a moderately expensive microphone fastened firmly to his desk. "That and because they're like super homophobic or something. I dunno, I'd like to eat nothing but these dope ass sandwiches but it funds a bunch of dickheads that like to mess with people who don't really need to be messed with, and it might actually fuck me up later so I'll just be a horrible person every once in a while instead of all the time always like I usually do." Sam stops, finishing the thought as his character on the computer monitor in front of him fell to its death from the top floor of an underground dwarven ruin all the way to the rocky bottom of the cave. "Goddamnit, belrand fucking pushed me off the edge while I was talking and now I have to do all that spelunking over again. I fuckin hate these ruins, they're the big stinky buttholes of Skyrim and I don't fucking like em." He groans frustratedly into the microphone. "While we're waiting for this to load, lemme hit you with lil fact; did you guys know that argonians actually piss and shit outta the same damn hole, like pigeons? They're Fucking giant pigeons that's what they are, and I- Sam is cut off by the sound of his computer crashing with a loud screeching noise. "The fuck do you think your doing?" He asks the malfunctioning machine as the screech gets louder and louder. He scrambles to get up, but slips on an empty can of Canada Dry and panics as his monster gaming PC screams like a T-1000 getting buttfucked by a wrathful fax machine. "Oh man I'm not ready to die yet, please God this is some bullshit you've thrown my way and I'd appreciate it if you'd knock it off and cut me some slack for like, once ever my dude." Sam prays as sincerely he can, his prayers seemingly answered by sudden silence, then the sound of windows starting up normally. Surprised and thankful that he didn't actually get blown up, he stands up and warily sits back down in his chair and reaches out to the mouse and keyboard. "Well then, that was something indeed." He says matter of factly, a strong layer of displeasure and concern evident in the statement. With bated breath, Sam types his username and password (Username: GeneralSam123, Password: TassiveMesticles123) into their corresponding boxes and hits log in. "You scared me for a bit, I though I was about to eat shit in major way." He said to his computer as the screen changes and his desktop appeared on screen. "Guess I should get back to recording from today and be done with that for a hot minute so I can figure out what's what in the butt with you, you stupid garbage ass computer." He thought aloud to the computer that he'd built by hand the previous year. He scrolls the mouse cursor over the Skyrim icon and double-clicks. As soon as the screen loads he hits full screen and opens his recording overlay, looking at the files. He hadn't lost any footage and the game had auto saved right before it crashed, so he scrolls over to the little red button icon and clicks 'record'. "Theeeeere we go." Sam says, letting out a sigh of relief before clearing his throat to start talking fro the video again. "Hey guys it's General S— Literally as soon as the recording starts, the entire screen explodes in his face and knocks him out like an angry punch from Mike Tyson.