Las Pegasus. The Pony's Playground. Cloud Nine and a Half. Some ponies save their bits for years all for one night of no-holds-barred frivolity in that famous city. "The city sweet dreams are made of!" their advertisements say. Where the clattering of the chips and the cacophonous jingles of the slots hide the quiet mutterings of secret deals made between ponies of ill intent. Where money trades hooves in poorly lit rooms and ponies with mathematics cutie marks are discreetly shuffled away like so many cards. Las Pegasus was a bright and gleaming gem, promising the hope of fun, riches, and astounding entertainment to anyone with a few bits they didn't mind parting with. Where chance is king and the law of the land is the law of averages.
And Discord was miserable.
He shuddered involuntary. "I can feel it. We're getting close."
"Feel what?" Spike asked.
"Las Pegasus," Discord spat, a look of disgust on his face. "It's been so long, I'd forgotten why I avoid it so much."
"Avoid it?" Twilight asked curiously, "I thought a city like Las Pegasus would be your kind of place? All those games of chance, money won and lost, thousands of bits dancing on the edge of die. Seems plenty chaotic to me."
"I thought you might say something like that." Discord shook his head ruefully, "I thought maybe you might know me well enough to understand, but, alas, it seems I was mistaken." He pointed towards the general direction of the city. "That place... is a mockery of chaos. Yes everything looks random, as you said, but I guarantee you that in the upper levels above the gambling there are teams of mathematicians and statisticians who can calculate to the bit how much money will trade hooves. They know the exact odds of every game, every card, every die, and manipulate them so their bosses always come out on top. Las Pegasus is chaos enchained."
"Come on now, everyone knows the games are a little rigged, but that's part of the fun. Aren't you making too big a deal of this?"
"Twilight, while your naïveté was cute when you were just a unicorn, it's unbefitting a princess of the realm." The Lord of Chaos coiled his body into a compact sitting position. He rubbed the base of his horns as though afflicted with a headache. "If only there was some way to make you see from my perspective..." A light bulb went off above his head. "Of course! What better time to try putting some of her principles into practice!"
He pulled out a set of yellow index cards with pink edging, and began flipping through them quickly, murmuring snatches of titles or phrases as he went. "Apologizing for going too far, no that's not it. Clearing up a misunderstanding, close but not quite right. Ah, here it is!" He finally stopped on one card midway through the stack.
Donning a pair of horn-rimmed reading glasses on a chain, he began to read aloud from the card. "Expressing your Point of View. In order to help ponies understand your rather unique perspective, rather than forcibly putting them in the same situation or manipulating their memories, why not try creating a metaphor or example which they can relate to." He shrugged as he poofed the cards away. "Alright, worth a shot."
Discord drew a line across the floor with a claw. The affected area glowed brilliantly for a moment, before a shape started to rise up. It settled itself in the form of an ornate pair of doors. The entryway seemed to be made of brass and was elaborately decorated with all manner of gears and pipes, all polished to a gleam. Standing up straight, and having donned a similarly decorated hat, cane, and coat, Discord regained his composure.
"If you'll humor me for a moment, I think this might explain things better."
He threw the doors open and stood to the side, gesturing for Twilight and Spike to enter. They did so with only a slight hesitation, squinting against the bright light. When the light faded so that they could again see, both Spike's and Twilight's mouths opened wide in awe.
Gears. As for as the eye could see in every direction there existed an immense system of gearwork. They ranged from as small as a hoof to as large as the Ponyville Plaza. Connected between them were all manner of driveshafts, springs, belt, and escapements, all working in concert to perform some great task. Light gleamed off every polished surface, shifting and winking as pieces moved endlessly. One could only imagine the purpose of such a grand machine. Luckily, they didn't have to.
"Imagine, if you will," Discord began, still standing in the train, "Being inside an enormous cuckoo clock. Well you don't really have to imagine it since I've taken care of that part, but feel free to do so anyway. To the untrained eye, everything looks random, chaotic, and meaningless." Twilight turned back to face him, having overcome her initial shock. "But to a trained professional, a clock-maker in this case, they can see exactly what every part is doing. How every piece works in perfect concert with every other. A symphony in metal. Possibly the most perfect example of harmony and coordination imaginable."
"Discord..." Twilight began breathlessly, "This is... this is amazing."
"Yes, yes. It's very pretty and shiny." He waved off her compliment with a roll of his eye. "But do you understand my point? I'm not good with metaphors so I really can't tell if this is working or not. The clock represents Las Pegasus and I'm the clock-maker." He scratched his beard contemplatively. "Although, that would imply that the harmony represented by the gears was created by me, which of course it isn't, even though the chaos that the gears also represents was and is, even though the whole point of that is that it was an illusion to the untrained observer. So aside from that I think this is a good metaphor. Right?"
Twilight shook her head, reeling a little from trying to decipher his logic. "I thought I was starting to understand, but I think you lost me. So you're trying to say that Las Pegasus is like a clock, which is bad. But you're like the clock-maker, which is good. Even though you didn't make the clock -err, the city- which is... a bad thing?" She smiled awkwardly. "Maybe?"
Discord smacked himself in the face and groaned. "You see Fluttershy?" he mumbled through his paw, "I told you. Not good at metaphors. Be so much easier to just make her agree with me, set up a small dimension pocket where she can spend a few lifetimes in my shoes, it'd be a piece of cake. But nooooo, have to do it all longhand nowadays. Not polite to mess with your friends' heads or subjective realities."
He gathered his index cards again and began rereading the passages. Meanwhile Spike was still transfixed by the spinning gears. The glint of polished metal called out to his dragon instincts, while his conscious thoughts focused on how much this place reminded him of a setting in one of his comics. Visions of heroes swinging between moving clockwork platforms swam through his mind. Twilight, in the meantime, had already left the gear dimension and walked back over to Discord's side where she waited patiently for him to finish searching for an answer in his cheat sheet.
"Aha!" Discord declared finally, jamming his claw at the last line of a card. "...an example they can personally relate to. That's what I was missing. Now let's see..." He sat down in a large overstuffed armchair, and pulled a pipe from the pocket of his burgundy robe. He chewed the end thoughtfully. "What sort of thing would Twilight Sparkle personally relate to?" It was a surprisingly brief time before his eyes lit up like a jack-o-lantern. "Ideaaa~" he trilled in a passable imitation of Rarity.
"You know Discord," Twilight put a hoof to his claw, "You don't really have to go all out to try and explain yourself. Isn't it enough that I know you don't like Las Pegasus, and we leave it at that?"
The draconequus shook his head. "No, it's important that you understand. Not just why I don't like the city, but going beyond that to why I don't like cults in my name. Ponies just don't... get chaos."
"What do you-" But she was cut off from finishing her question.
"Spike!" Discord called, "Hurry up in there and get back to the train. I have a better metaphor ready and I'd like to use it before I forget it." Spike however, remained still as a statue, still transfixed by the shining metal and thoughts of the epic fight sequences that his favorite characters could stage there. Discord huffed in exasperation before turning to Twilight. "Could you grab him? I'd like to get this metaphorical train moving before the literal one stops."
She shot him a questioning gaze. "Why can't you grab him? It's your microdimension after all."
He rolled his eyes. "Seems like the clock metaphor worked even less than I thought. Weren't you listening? That-" he pointed through the door, "is a place of absolute perfect harmony. Admittedly it's just a decent fake, but still it's like asking... asking..." he fumbled for a comparison. "...like asking Fluttershy to go into a Minotaur butchery shop." Twilight blanched, and immediately yanked Spike out with her magic, conveniently snapping him out of his transfixion. Discord smirked. "Hey, maybe I'm not so bad at metaphors after all." He gave the door a nudge and it toppled over like a cardboard cutout, disappearing into the floor's carpet.
"Now then," Discord clapped his hand and rubbed them in anticipation, "I think this'll be the one to really knock your socks off! Imagine... a library."
A soft rumbling started up as the train decor faded away and a pair of bookcases rose from the floor to Discord's left and right. They were composed of a rich, old, dark wood and brimmed with all manner of books. Each case stood just tall enough for a pony to see over the top and seemed to extend infinitely in each direction, enclosing the trio in a book hallway. The rumbling continued as more bookshelves began to rise up in layers outward, like dominoes in reverse. As the shelves grew farther and farther away, the horizon seemed to curve upwards, though bookshelves continued to grow undaunted. The curving bookshelves continued all the way up, creating a giant library orb. At the very center hung a massive chandelier, larger than any tree, which bathed everything in a soft glow, perfect for reading.
Twilight could do little else but gape in awe. A breath of wind came in from the distance, carrying with it the rich scents of paper, ink, and age. It was the perfect library. Even the floor beneath her hooves had subtlely shifted into a short carpet with a soft geometric pattern. Even in her transfixed state, a small tear worked it's way out of Twilight's eye. Discord chuckled.
"Nice, isn't it? Every single book is here. Everything that has, was, is, will be, or could be written in all the central finite curve. This represents chaos as I know it. Full of potential, full of possibilities. Now, Twilight... how'd you like to read one?"
"I... I..." she stumbled, her mouth unable to respond as her brain continued to stall. "I... I... Yes!" She finally exclaimed her desire as she rushed to the nearest shelf. She grabbed a heavy tome, the binding of which had a metallic sheen unlike any material she knew of. She was all prepared to rip it open and devour it's contents when Discord stopped her.
"Ah ah ah!" he chided, "Let's not ruin the metaphor just yet. Like I said, if this library is chaos, then this librarian represents Las Pegasus."
A pony popped into existence immediately in front of Twilight, causing her to fall back in surprise and drop her book. Rather than a traditional librarian, this pony looked more like a brute than an intellectual. He wore a crisp pinstripe suit which did little to hide his bulging earth pony muscles, and his shaved mane failed to give him any ghost of a friendly appearance. With his dark black shades and trilby, he looked every part the classic mafia goon, straight out of one of Spike's comics. The only out of place aspect was the small "Librarian" tag on his collar, though the quotation marks around the title made even it seem sarcastic.
He grabbed the book off the floor and opened it, staring impassively at the contents. His hooves moved quickly, too quickly for the eye to make out what he did, before quickly closing the book and putting it back. He grabbed the next book, did the same rapid movement trick, and put it back. He continued faster and faster, until he was nothing but a blur, moving down the shelf and going through an entire row of books faster than a pony could trot the same distance. Within moments, he was a mere speck in the distance. Twilight looked on in confusion.
"Don't worry," Discord said with Cheshire grin, "It's still the same book. He just... organized it for you. Made it less chaotic, if you're keeping in mind the metaphor."
Twilight gave him a confused look as her horn cautiously picked up the book and opened to an early page. She looked down and gasped in horror. She turned the page, then another, then another. She flipped to the middle as her breathing became heavy, and all the way to the end as her eyes shrunk to pinpricks.
"No..." she breathed, barely able to speak through the early stages of hyperventilation. She grabbed another book and flipped through it. "No..!" It was less of a moan now, more of an exclamation. She grabbed another book, then another book, then another. "No, no, no!" There was the rage now, fully furnished. Spreading her wings, she was off like a shot. She grabbed books in her magic as she passed, each ending in a variation of the same response. "No.. no... not this one... and this one too... and this one... and this one..." She kept going faster and faster, each new book being further apart. Soon she was off in the distance, though her cries of anguish echoed across the library.
Spike and Discord watched her go, the former in horror at his usually so well composed friend and mentor, the latter in mild amusement and self satisfaction. "You know, I think she just might be getting it. Seems making a personally relatable example actually worked. Thank you, Fluttershy." He tapped his index cards affectionately where they were tucked behind his horn. Spike finally brought himself to speak.
"What- what... Discord, what did you do to her?"
"Hm? Haven't you been paying attention? I'm putting, in her own terms, what being in Las Pegasus is like to me."
"Yeah, but... what in Celestia's name do those books say?"
"Why don't you see for yourself?" Discord smiled as he slid Twilight's first book over with a swish of his tail. Spike picked it up the way one might handle an aggressive cobra. "Don't worry, it shouldn't affect you as nearly as bad as it did her." He gestured down the stacks with a thumb claw. "Probably."
Deciding to put his faith in Discord, Spike swallowed his fear and opened the book. His tense expression immediately melted into confusion. "Aaa?" he asked.
"Aaa." Discord replied with a knowing nod.
Spike flipped further through the book. "I don't get it. It's just a bunch of strings of the same letter. Oh, now it's a bunch of b's."
"Exactamundo Spike," Discord confirmed, "The librarian put the book in alphabetical order."
"Wait, what? But that doesn't-" Spike's eyes widened as realization crept in. "Oh. Oh jeez. Yeah, I see why Twilight reacted the way she did. This is like, her perfect nightmare. All the books in the world and she can't read any of them. Harsh."
"True, true. But I believe I've made my point on why I don't like that city."
"Definitely," he gave Discord a pointed glare, "Just promise to never do this to her actual library. Not even as a prank. I don't think Twilight'd be able to take it."
"I Pinkie Promise," Discord swore as he went through the required motions. "I'm chaotic, not cruel. Speaking of whom though," he glanced at his watch where four hands were about to align, "She should be looping her way back right... about..."
A scream tore through the air. Or rather, it had been going on for a while but had only just become loud enough to really get noticeable. Spike turned around to the find source of the sound, where A blue-ish speck in the distance was rapidly growing larger. It barreled into Discord at near sonic rainboom speeds. Luckily, he'd had a split second to prepare himself with an oversized catcher's mitt and matching body armor.
He lowered Twilight Sparkle gently to the floor before suddenly shifting garb to an umpire's uniform. "Steeeee-rike! You're out!" he joked, before noticing her lack of general consciousness, "Oh, seems you actually are. Phooey, what a waste of a perfectly good punchline."
"Oh no, Twilight!" Spike rushed to her side, quickly checking her pulse, temperature, and mana flow. He sighed in relief. "She's fine. I think she just wore herself out and maybe had a bit of a panic attack." He glanced worriedly at the library around him (as well as the trail of spilled books in each direction), "Still, I don't think it'd be a good idea for her to wake up right next to the books that caused her trauma." He paused a beat, waiting. "So if you could... uh..." Spike waved his claw at their surroundings leadingly.
"Hm? Oh yes, right." With a snap of Discord's talons, the library vanished in an instant and the three were back on the train. Twilight specifically was on a comfortable looking fainting sofa, a cool moist towel on her forehead.
"She should come around in a few minutes. I just hope she'll be okay in the head, I haven't seen her get that worked up in a long, long time." Spike shot Discord a sidelong glance. "I'm also really glad we never had to fight you seriously. That was pretty dark for you."
"You should be." Discord said seriously, before a moment later reverting to his usual upbeat persona. "All that aside, we can use this time to come up with a daring plan to investigate that cult."
"Oh yeah, the cult." Spike said thoughtfully. "I'd almost forgotten why we came out here."
"That tends to happen when travelling with me." Discord admitted. "Now, I was thinking we start by rappelling down through the skylights-"
"Let me stop you right there." Spike pinched the bridge of his nose with his claws. "If we're gonna plan this while Twilight's out of it, then it's up to me to be the voice of reason. First off, how do you know there's going to be a skylight?"
Discord paused mid-rappel, his black bodysuited form left dangling off the ground. He lifted his nightvision goggles. "How? Because there's always a skylight to rapel down from. In every situation where I've needed to infiltrate a building secretly, there has been, without fail, a conveniently placed skylight or wide ventilation shaft."
"Uh huh." Spike grunted, unconvinced. "Well let me get into the role to play Twilight's Advocate then." He moved his claw up and down his neck as his voice struggled to find the right pitch and timber. "Friendship. Friendship. Friendship. Friendship. Nearly got it. Spike, take a letter. There we go, that's it."
Discord blinked, momentarily taken aback. "That is uncanny."
"Oh, this is nothing. You should hear my Celestia." Spike purred, sounding for all the world like Celestia's ventriloquist dummy.
“Okay, enough of her,” Discord shuddered. “You’re giving me flashbacks of marble.”
“Sorry,” Spike apologized, dropping back into his normal voice.
“S’alright. Anyway, you were just about to give Twilight’s rebuttal to my idea.”
“Right,” Spike continued with a nod, “If Twilight were awake, she’d probably say something like ‘Discord, you can’t just go breaking into places, cult or not. Why don’t we just walk in, introduce ourselves, and ask if we can have a meeting with whoever is in charge?’”
“But you and I both know that’s not going to work.” Discord replied.
“Yeah,” Spike agreed. “Twilight may be the expert when it comes to nonfiction, but I’ve read a lot of action and adventure stories, so I know how this goes. There’s no way we’d accomplish anything being so direct. At best they’d just start worshiping you and tell us whatever lies they think we want to hear, and at worst they run or attack us to hide some evil secret designs.”
"Though I wouldn't begrudge a bit of groveling..." Discord mused thoughtfully, tapping a claw to his chin.
"So if this was an adventure story," Spike wondered aloud, ignoring Discord, "what would the hero do to investigate the cult?"
"Rappel in through the skylight?" Discord asked hopefully.
"Again, no. No rappelling. The problem is, we don't know if they're actually worshiping you just for... whatever, peaceful reasons like they said in the pamphlet. Or if they're actually worshiping you evilly and want to carry out your 'divine will' by bringing about a new age of chaos or something." Spike began pacing back and forth, his claws making little noise on the carpeted train floor.
"We need them to somehow open up to us. Some way to make them tell us what we want to know, without them lying or hiding stuff because of..." he returned his gaze to the unmistakable form of Discord, Lord of Chaos, who was currently messily eating an excessively long submarine sandwich, the far end being held aloft by another instance of Discord. "...Yeah, that. Maybe we should find some way to make you less recognizable."
Spike's eyes lit up in a glow as an idea blossomed forth. "Or maybe we need to make all of us less recognizable!"
Discord burped as he polished off his sandwich, wiped his mouth with a napkin, and then ate the napkin as well. "Sorry, what was that?"
"Disguises!" Spike exclaimed, growing more excited as possibilities expanded in his mind. "We can just go in the front and ask around, as long as we do it in disguise! Ponies will suspect something is up if their religious icon and a princess show up at the door, but they won't bat an eye at just another couple of interested people who read the brochure. Then we'll be accepted in and we'll be able to investigate without raising suspicion!"
A sudden gasp, not unlike the sound of a drowning mare finally coming up for air, split the room. Twilight sat up in a panic, eyes wide and breathing hard. Her eyes darted rapidly, like a scared animal. Spike was quick to rush to her side. "Twilight, it's okay! We're back in the train."
Her breathing slowed as she took a better look at her surroundings. "Library...gone?" she breathed between deep restorative breaths.
"Yes, it's gone and you're alright now. Everything is safe and organized." Spike patted her consolingly as he leaned in for a supportive hug which she gladly accepted. The two held each other close as her breathing and heart rate returned to normal levels.
"So," Discord piped in cheerily, completely ruining their moment. "How was it being somewhere completely anathema to your very existence?"
If looks could kill, Discord would likely have imploded, exploded, and been severely perforated on the spot. With a power comparable to Fluttershy's Stare, Twilight forced Discord to hold eye contact with her. "Never. Again." Her tone brooked no argument.
He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Er-herm, yes, right then." His voice turned hopeful. "That aside, do you now understand my point?" He held up a questionnaire card and short pencil. "On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your experience, based of level of relatability and general emotional impact?"
Card and pencil both burst into flames and were reduced to ash near instantly. Still using them despite this, Discord made a mark on the ash-card with the ash-pencil. "So I'll put that down as a seven then? Maybe a shaky eight?"
Twilight closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry Discord. I brushed off your feelings and how much of an effect this city would have on you. And while you maybe did go a bit overboard, you still tried to find a straightforward way to make your feelings known. I'm glad to see you're putting your lessons in friendship into practice, and I'm sorry I failed to treat you with the same respect. If this city is too much for you, we can always-"
But her heartfelt apology was cut short. "Oh no need for the theatrics dear Twilight, all is forgiven." In a flash he coiled himself around her like a snake and gave an over-dramatic hug. "Besides, it won't affect me nearly as bad as the library affected you. I've had thousands of years to grow a thick skin after all."
Twilight smiled as the impromptu group hug broke apart. Though still somewhat shaken, she was honestly surprised and pleased at Discord. Though his methods were unusual to say the least, he successfully applied a friendship lesson without prompting or as a last ditch measure to a practical situation. Even in such a short time from his reformation he had made great strides at which she couldn't help but internally beam at. And taking hold of that internal optimism, she reignited their conversation.
"So did anything important happen while I was unconscious?"
Deciding to float around for the time being, Discord responded, "Well, Spike here just came up with the brilliant suggestion that we infiltrate the cult through the front door by donning disguises."
"That's a great idea!" Twilight replied before shooting a beaming smile to her number one assistant. "Good job, Spike!"
"Heh, it was nothing." Though his words were modest his expression gave away his pleasure at being praised.
"So what disguises did you come up with?"
A silence filled the room. "We... er... hadn't gotten that far yet." Spike admitted.
"Though I must admit to not being at a loss for ideas." Discord countered, eyeing up the pair in front of him like a sculptor eyeing a marble slab. "Oh the things I could do with you two..."
Twilight gave a nervous laugh, slightly put off by the way Discord was looking her up and down. "I... Thanks? I think? But I think I'd much rather create a disguise for myself." Her face lit up as she had an idea. Grabbing her saddle bag in her magic, Twilight rummaged for a minute before brandishing aloft a pair of glasses. "If we're going to be creating new characters, I might as well use the alt I wrote up for our game earlier."
"You created an alternate character?" Spike asked in surprise. "When? How did you even know to do that? I thought you said that was your first time playing?"
"All true," she responded, "But Shining Armor used to play Ogres & Oubliettes obsessively back when he was in school, so it's not like I haven't watched him do something similar." She giggled slightly, "He was always so quick to rush in and save everypony, he had to start every campaign with at least four backup characters ready." She finally donned the glasses and struck a pose. "Just call me Nightfall Glitter, a librarian with a mysterious past."
"Oh, bravo," Discord slow clapped ironically, "The bookworm creates a librarian character, how original. And you left her past a mystery so you can edit and enhance it as you go. Tell me, is she also secretly a magical prodigy? Long lost daughter or student of someone famous, perchance? And are we just going to hope no one addresses the fact that you're still an alicorn?"
"Yeah, I gotta agree with Discord." Spike admitted, "That's pretty much a self-insert."
"I'd like to see you do better," Twilight pouted huffily.
"Yes, but that's too easy." Discord replied, "Rather, I'd like to see you do better. Take the character you used in the campaign earlier for instance." He reclined in the air as he began counting off features in his claws. "She had a unique backstory, with a focus on science over magic. A clear set of skills and abilities. Even an Earth Pony to boot. A unique individual, about as distinct from 'Princess Twilight Sparkle' as you can get." He paused for a moment, contemplatively, as his extra claws fused back into his original ones. "Actually... hm. Well I suppose...ah, well it's a start."
Grabbing hold of a dimmer switch on the wall, Discord began subtly adjusting it left and right. As he did so, Twilight's mane and coat began shifting colors like an old television. He stopped once she was back to the shades of green of her Triton persona. A quick snap, and her mane lengthened, straightened, and pulled itself back into a Prench plait. "There you are," he concluded with a flair, "One Triton alias, fresh out of the oven."
She raised an eyebrow. "Gee. Thanks. But don't you think an intergalactic fugitive will attract more attention than a Princess would?"
He shrugged. "No one knows about that except the three of us. Just don't mention it and you're a perfectly normal Earth Pony. Admittedly one with a questionable sense of fashion."
Twilight scrunched her muzzle as she glanced at her multi-buckled jacket. She snorted slightly and sat down on her haunches in a huff. "Fine. I'll be Triton again." She glanced back Discord's way, "But that still leaves you and Spike. Who are you going to be?"
Discord smiled as he pulled out a swivel chair from behind his back. "I thought you'd never ask." In a smooth and fluid motion, he placed himself in the chair and kicked off, causing it spin so fast both he and it became a blur. As the chair finally slowed down, it became apparent that a new figure had taken Discord's place. His form was that of an Earth Pony, with a goldenrod coat. He was slightly taller and broader than your average stallion, but not outside of the norm. His mane, which shone like burnished copper with traces of silver, hung down to his neck in loose waves. He stood up from the chair, which allowed a long red coat of some thick material to trail out from behind him. All in all, he was rather handsome, in a youthful grandfatherly sort of way.
He approached Twilight with a confident swagger and took her hoof forcefully. "Pleasure to meet you dearie." He greeted, his smile magnanimous and disarming, "Doctor Fevered Disco, Em-Dee, Dee-Dee-Ess, Pee-Aech-Dee, Aye-Ee-Dee, Em-Ess-Gee, Pee-Dee-Eff, esquire, eccentric millionaire, at your service!" He finished with an elaborate bow.
Twilight extracted her hoof from his grip as she gave his disguise a once over. "Not bad," she admitted, "Looks convincing enough. But why choose a doctor? What if somepony calls your bluffs and asks a medical question?"
Without a word, Discord reached into his coat and pulled forth a rolled scroll. He snapped it open, revealing it to be a diploma from the Canterlot School of Medicine, signed and officiated, bearing his full title. Twilight rolled her eyes. "As if that's even real."
Discord snapped his diploma shut and returned it to his pocket. "Maybe it is," he countered, "I do have a life when you girls aren't around, you know."
"Oh, oh! Me! My turn next!" Spike exclaimed, hopping back and forth in excitement.
Discord chuckled as he rubbed his hooves together. Sparks danced between them as ghostly images of ponies and other creatures of various shapes and sizes floated into being. "What'll it be then, Spike m'boy? Something taller, perhaps? Maybe in a shade of blue? I can see you strutting your stuff even now. Or maybe you'd prefer something of the pony persuasion? I have an excellent assortment of unicorns freshly minted. Comes with over thirty fully-customizable mane options. Pick anything you want."
"Anything?" Spike asked curiously, "Even something a little... unusual?"
Discord smiled broadly at the question. "Spike, you can be an octopus in a suit if you want. The sky's the limit."
"But remember we're trying not to stand out." Twilight reminded them hastily, "Just keep that in mind."
More ghostly figures popped into being, all manner of species and color combinations. "Not a problem Twilight. Anything he picks I can make ponies accept as normal. Minotaur, centaur, changeling queen. Even a swarm of collective-consciousness parasprites. Griffins are also a popular choice for the Spring season. All the flight options of our Pegasus model, but without sacrificing your opposable claws."
"I'll take that one!" Spike interjected.
"Griffin it is then," Discord clapped, and all the images popped like soap bubbles. "And I have just the perfect look for you too. It'll fit perfectly with the backstory I've been drafting for us."
"Backstory?" Spike and Twilight asked in union.
Discord pointed behind them. The pair turned to see a team of three miniature undisguised Discords frantically typing away at a set of typewriters. A long spool of paper trailed from top of each, being pushed upwards another inch every few seconds. One stopped for a second to give a friendly wave, before another elbowed him to get back to work.
"But enough of that, it's time for your close-up Spike!"
A red fog shot from Discord's hoof like a flare and struck Spike in the chest. With a swirl of mist and small twinkling lights, Spike rose into the air. The lights grew brighter and brighter as Spike's entire body began to glow. In a flash and a pop, everything went white.
As Twilight blinked the spots out of her eyes, she gasped at the new creature checking itself out where Spike had been standing only moments prior. As with most griffons, the front half of his body was covered with feathers, while the back was covered in fur. The plumage of his face and neck was a vibrant red, which transitioned to a subtler tannish pink fur on his hindquarters. Several tufts of feathers stuck up on his head, similar to Spike's original head spines, dominated by a singular much larger tuft at the front. A patch of dark feathers surrounded his eyes, highlighting the golden pupils within. His foretalons were black, and noticeably longer than his original claws had been. A long tail stretched out behind him, the tufted tip the same color as his plumage.
Discord beamed proudly at his creation. "Mwah! Beautiful! Magnifique! Tres bien! Another fine creation of Discord Industries™."
Spike spun slowly as he checked out his new body. He batted at his tail, which seemed to dodge his claws as though thinking for itself. He spread his burgundy wings wide, getting a feel for the new muscles and joints. Twilight too was closely inspecting his body with a strange cross between scientific fascination and familiar concern.
"Do you feel alright, Spike?" she asked, concerned over how much more extensive his transformation had been compared to her own.
"Yeah, I think... I think I'm good. Feels pretty weird for sure." His voice was somewhat higher than usual, and had gained a melodic, almost song-like quality to it. He turned to meet Twilight's gaze but stopped short. "Hey wait a minute!" He raised a claw to the top of his head, and moved it horizontally towards Twilight. It landed at the base of her horn. He whipped back around to Discord, a fire in his eyes. "What gives?!"
"Is something not to your liking?" Discord asked in a neutral tone, all smiles.
"Yeah there is! Why am I still so short?" He attempted to stomp angrily, but his newly reupholstered back legs reduced it to a muffled 'fwoomp!' of anger instead. "Every griffon I've ever met has been as tall as a pony at least! A bunch of them were even taller. So why am I barely as tall as Pinkie?"
"You're right," Twilight agreed, eyeing the difference between then, "I do seem to still have a few inches on you."
"It all has to do with your species," Discord clarified, "You're currently a subspecies of griffin, less common nowadays but not really rare. Sure you sacrifice a few inches, but you couldn't have this stunning head of feathers without it." He conjured up a mirror so Spike could finally take a good look at himself. "I have my own reasons as well, but they shouldn't come into play until later. It all makes sense if you read your backstory."
Spike took a moment to respond, lost in his reflection. He tried on a series of expressions, ranging from dignified and haughty to downright silly. After about a minute he seemed to make peace with himself. "Alright, I guess it's okay." He sat back down on his haunches. "Oh, uh... one thing though?" He tapped his claws together both nervously and in mild embarrassment. He mumbled something too quiet to decipher.
"Eh? What's that? Speak up sonny." Discord instructed as he pulled out a large ear horn.
"Could I maybe have a moustache?" Spike blurted.
Twilight looked at him curiously. "Spike, I don't think griffins have moustaches. How would you even go about growing hair on a beak?"
"Gustave had one," Spike reminded, "Remember? He was that chef who entered that competition with the Cakes and Pinkie?"
Twilight's eyes widened as the specified memory asserted itself. "Oh. Right. I suppose they can then."
"It's not like it's even a problem for me though," Discord added. With a sound like tearing Velcro, Discord pulled off his eyebrows like a bandage and slapped then onto Spike's beak, who squawked in surprise. "And bonus points for recycling."
Spike gave his new facial hair an experimental tug, testing their connection. The white stood out against his red and black plumage creating a very appealing contrast. "Not bad," Spike mused, twirling one end experimentally, "I could get used to this. Now I just need a name and we'll be all set."
"Might I suggest 'Dantalion'?" Discord proposed with a small grin. "It will set some things up nicely for me later."
"Dantalion, huh?" Spike tested the name out, rolling the syllables around his teeth. "I like it. Sounds kinda fancy. No, wait," he paused, "Don't all griffin names start with a 'G'?"
"Just the noble houses," Twilight clarified, "Griffins are very particular about keeping track of the royal bloodline."
A shrill whistle cut through the air. "I guess that'll have to do because unfortunately, we seem to be just about out of time." Grabbing hold of the papers, Discord stuffed them (backstories, typewriters, and mini-Discords included) into his jacket pocket. "Don't worry about your cover stories, I'll fill you in on the way."
The three stumbled slightly to one side as the sudden inertia from the slowing train affected their bodies. Faint music trickled through the walls, brassy and exciting.
Discord stood in the front, his countenance ready for action and adventure in an expression best described as gleeful.
Twilight stood to his left as she levitated all her unread books and note-taking supplies into her saddlebags. She blew a lock of mane out of her eyes, one of the two strands of bangs which had evaded the braid and hung forward like antennae. Spike took Discord's left, where he shuffled his wings constantly as he tried to make them look natural.
"Brace yourself, Las Pegasus," Discord murmured as the doors opened with a rush of steam and sunlight, "We're bringing chaos back to town!"