The thunder rumbled through the dark skies, black thunderstorm clouds hovered over an empty city block the wind howled in the street and the abandoned buildings rain poured down hard creating a small pools of puddles in the broken road. Down in the in the middle of the street stood a dark figure of man who was covered in black cloak with his head facing down a sudden gust of wind made his soaked cloak flap he slowly turned his head up looking up into the dark skies. A flash of lightning revealed a man, hovering in the clouds. He slowly flew down with his red cape fluttering in the wind. The shadow of the clouds covered the man’s face, but it was quickly revealed when his eyes glowed a menacingly bright red, with the bright hazing light revealed an S symbol on the man’s chest long with his light blue costume. Superman landed down three feet from the figure, he stared down the cloaked figure who still didn’t move despite the small quake Superman created when landing.
“Bruce,... We don’t have to do this.” Superman spoke sounding unsure but keep his ton intimidating.
“Of course we do.” The figure stared up at Superman revealing his glowing white eyes and grabbed the hood of his cloak and flinging it off himself to revile Batman in armored suit the symbol on his chest glowed a bright yellow taking the shape of bat, his armored hands had two light green circles around them the suit hissed to puffs of steam before Batman raised his fists.
The two heroes face each other down before both get in charging stains Batman’s armor hissed as he stomped his boot in the ground locking him in place, Superman hovered in the air and shot at Batman both heroes were about to coiled.
“Don’t end this in a draw!” A loud voice echoed making both the heroes pause and look on the left.
“Whoa,. Hey come on don’t stop killing each other on my expense.” Deadpool said kicking back on a rusty old car holding a large tub of popcorn watched them both, his mask lifted up showing his mouth full of eaten popcorn. “Come on guys I didn’t bounce universes for nothing.”
“Wilson?” Batman asked looking confused.
“Um which Wilson?” Deadpool turned looking at straight at you the person reading. “I know which one he’s talking nerds, just let me play this one up.”
“Slade Wilson? Did you arrange this?” Superman asked sounding just as confused as Batman.
“Um,.....Um,.... Um,...... Maybe~”
-2 Hours Ago-
In Clark’s Daily Planet Office he stood looking shocked at photo of Bruce Wayne kissing Lois Lane and Wonder Woman at the same time. “God damn it Bruce!”
In his mansion overlooking Gotham City Bruce Wayne clenched his fists showing just a sheet of paper with a few words in red ink saying “MARTHA!” along with, “Donald Trump’s richer then cry baby.” Bruce grabbed the paper and ripped it up and stormed off yelling “Son of BITCH!”
-Now-
“That explains it you're too much of a Boy Scout to do anything like that.” Batman said rubbing his head, no one could see but under his helmet he was turning red.
“Yeah and I should have guessed this was photo shopped.” Superman said holding the picture.
“How did you get picture? I thought I burned all of those.”
“What!” Superman gasped.
“Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!” Deadpool bounced on the car happily on the car.
Both heroes just watched as he bounced but then quickly stopped cause it was beginning to make Deadpool feel awkward. He just stood there on the car as the two heroes just stared at him.
“Who are you?” Superman asked with cringed expression.
“Uhhh! I wanted Batman Vs. Superman but all I got was a boring s**t! I Want my money back!” Deadpool roared. Throwing his popcorn in the air shooting his fists up.
“What?” Batman asked.
“Ahh! This boring.” Deadpool looked at Superman. “Hey how fast are you?”
“What do you mean?” Superman asked but was surprised when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Deadpool standing behind with a gun pointed to his head.
~BANG!~
Superman’s head was shot with a loud blast red and pink chunks of his head went flying as a bright green bullet went through his head and then a loud popping explosion went off making Superman’s head pop in a gush of blood and tissue a single glowing eye hit Batman on the helmet and flopped on the ground.
“Fast then a speeding bullet my ASS!” Deadpool victoriously blew the smoke from his gun he looked at Batman who was shocked and looked very pissed. “You know something writer spent too much time building this stupid scene up so I’m just gonna end it here. Bye~” Deadpool quickly raised up his gun shooting at Batman in the head killing him instantly.
“Start up the music.” Deadpool snapped his fingers.
“X Gon Give To Ya! Gon Give To Ya!”
Deadpool grabbed on his swords and put the handle down near his crotch and started dancing humping the sword in the air as the music played he sang along with the lyrics, he did the robot and twerked a bit shaking his ass to the beat of the song. He ended the song with grabbing his two pistols and shooting the rounds in the air.
“LATER BITCHES!!!” Deadpool strutted his way down the street whistling the song.
“Ahhhh! D’:” Deadpool stopped as a YouTube Comment came down crashing into the ground beside him.
“Ummm,.. Ok.” Deadpool looked up seeing a another comment coming down and moved left avoiding the crashing comment.
“Deadpool could never kill both Batman and Superman. >:[“ A loud nazzly voice complained.
“Well I just did.” Deadpool said with proud smile showing threw his mask.
Soon hundreds and thousands of YouTube Comments came shower down at Deadpool making him jump out of the way of each comment douging each one that came down one almost came close to slicing off Little Deadpool.
“Hmm should have figured a bunch of Fanboys would get butt hurt about this.” Deadpool brought a gadget that he had on his arm up to his face tapping on the buttons, in a flash of blue light a portal appeared leading into a dirty apartment.
Deadpool leaped into the portal landing on his couch with a loud thud he grounded as he got off the very uncomfortable couch. “Well that was fun.”
Deadpool closed the portal with the gadget and stood up off the couch pulling out his IPhone and looking at the posted video titled ‘Deadpool kills Batman and Superman’ he scrolled down at his posted video seeing all the comments. They were very unhappy with Deadpool saying things like.
“#DeadpoolWorstHeroEver!”
“Deadpool is just a troll with a comic book series”
“DC Will never be better then Marvel”
“Ooooo~ I started a flame war nice.” Deadpool giggled like a schoolgirl as he watched all the comments going at each other with awful language and dumb internet facts that were dated since 2009. Deadpool continued to watch the comment slater on his IPhone no noticing the rake on the floor. Deadpool stepped on the pointed end making the rake’s wooden end rise up smacking Deadpool in the face.
“AHH!,.. Uhgmugmugh~” Deadpool grabbed the rake tossing out the open window hitting a bicyclist and making him crash into some trash bags.
“Ok why was that even in here. I don’t even remember putting a F*** rake in here.” Deadpool ranted rubbing his face. And as for the reason of the rake it was because the writer of this Fic loves slap humor.
“Whooa~ WAIT!,.... Fic? What do you mean Fic?” Deadpool scratched his head and stopped his white eyes widen. “OH HELL NO! I’m in a FanFiction! NO NO NONONONONONONO! Last time I was in a Fic some jackass made me make out with a goat mom that had a wing dang doodle! Honestly if you're gonna pair me with someone pair me with Spidey or Harley Quinn.” Deadpool started to fantasize Harley imagining her grabbing his butt and bringing him right to her face and calling him ‘Mr. Big D’ “Oooo~ Harley,..... AHHH! Wait who put my fantasy on words stop that!”
Sorry Deadpool but whatever you do I write.
“Oh great. So what are you gonna make me do?”
Well, nothing right now... you just be you.
“Oh ok. Thanks.” Deadpool smiled, thinking of Harley Quinn again. “Ooh… Harley, you are the only non-Marvel girl I love. One day you WILL BE MINE!” Deadpool raised his hands in the air from above he heard his neighbor yelling at him to shut up. Deadpool just shrugged and sate on the couch.
Deadpool then sate up. “Yeah why did you make me do this again?” And went to the kitchen going to his fridge and opening it grabbing a pizza box full of sausage and cheese pizza with stuffed crust. “Damn writer! You know how to feed a guy.”
He happily walked over to his couch flopping down with his pizza and flipping the TV on. The TV showed a funny prank show called ‘Impractical Jokers’ showing a bunch of 40 something year old guys making fools of themselves. Soon the commercials started up and trailer for Deadpool 2 showed.
“AHHHHHHH! I look,... Beautiful!” Deadpool groped the TV as he watched the trailer. “I am gonna kick so much ass. F***, Fox better get me more than just X-Men characters if I don’t get to be with my Spidey Bro. There’s gonna be a F**k ton of blood!” Deadpool looked away from his TV. “But no one could ever replace you, Senpai!”
Deadpool ran to a picture of Ryan Reynolds that he hung on the only wall that wasn't riddled with bullet holes. It was surrounded with Christmas lights and shined two tiny spot lights on. Deadpool caressed the photo. “Never will they sew our mouths shut again! And I’m just gonna back away now.” Deadpool smiled while still staring at his photo of the actor. “I don’t wanna rip my picture of Senpai.”
Deadpool flipped over onto the couch again sitting next too the pizza grabbing a slice and eating through his mask,... Somehow.
Deadpool ‘Mmmed’ loudly as he ate the pizza. he flipped threw the TV not spotting any good shows he would watch the History Channel but the alien dude wasn’t there anymore,... Was he?
“Are you asking me?”
Well no not really I just don’t know if he’s there anymore.
“Eh I don’t care.” Deadpool kept flipping the channels going over every channel not seeing anything that sparked his interest,..
“WAIT! What time is it?” Deadpool quickly hit channel 294 hitting the ‘Discovery Family’ station. “Man I miss the Hub. All well time for a new episode. Eeeeeee~”
Please don’t do that again.
“Zip it you know you act the same way to. Hypocrite.” Deadpool grabbed a Pinkie Pie and Princess Luna plushie and squeezed them tight as My Little Pony Friendship is Magic turned on and began a brand new episode.
The episode began with Twilight and Starlight Glimmer in Ponyville Twilight seemed off her expression was almost blank which had Deadpool scratching his head.
“Gee Starlight Glimmer you're a great character. You're totally great after enslaving the Yak Kingdom in a cult and making them believe in Friendship.” Twilight sounded almost brainwashed.
“AHH! Another Starlight ego stroke episode.” Deadpool sat back in the couch sinking in it he quickly got an idea he grabbed his IPhone seeing a Lyra plush for sell on EBay he lined up the IPhone to the TV aiming his target and used his finger to flip the image of the plush, from his phone to the TV the plush flew out of nowhere hitting Twilight in the back of the head. She blinked twice and looked around
“Wh-What,.. Where was I.” Twilight looked over at Starlight Glimmer “Oh. Starlight Glimmer how did you get out of the dungeon?”
“What are talking about Twilight?” The obviously evil unicron gulped nervously backing away.
“Oh nevermind.” Twilight used her magic to levitate a shovel over Starlight and whacked her on back of the head knocking her out cold. “Spike get the keys to the dungeon she got out again!”
“Yeah that’s my Twiliy!” Deadpool did a little dance in his seat his IPhone rang making him jump and grabbed it the caller ID was ‘Doctor Strange’ “Uh oh.” Deadpool answered the call bringing it to his ear.
“‘Allo gov’na.”
“Deadpool what did you do?”
“Oh come on Strange it was another Glimmer pleasure stoke again I just saved this episode it looks like there’s gonna be something really cool happening.”
“But Starlight had such a good Season 6 ending.” Deadpool rolled his eyes as Doctor Strange babbled on how Starlight Glimmer was the best character, Deadpool bobbed his head and made his hand talk in goofy way as Strange continued. As Deadpool watched the episode he smiled seeing Pinkie Pie bounce around happily but he then noticed something in the background.
“What the,...” Deadpool squinted and got up closer to the TV in the background Rainbow Dash was chasing something? Something really small really really small. Deadpool got closer and spotted what looked like a midget running away from Rainbow Dash. “Wait what!”
Deadpool stood up and brought the phone to his ear. “Hey Strange did you see something weird?”
“Like what Wade?”
“A tiny guy running from RD?”
“... Wade... are you high again?”
“NO! Look in the background.” Deadpool heard ruffling as Strange was probably moving and looking at his TV.
“I still don’t see anything Wade.” Deadpool sighed getting up and rubbing his eyes.
“Whatever man. Hey have you seen Spider Man around? I was thinking of playing some Mario Kart with him today.”
“Oh Wade you didn’t hear?”
“Here what?”
“Peter is missing.”
“Whoa, whao, whao! What since when?”
“Three weeks now. We’ve been looking for him. JJ already saying he’s plotting some scheme to take over New York.”
“Yeah that sounds like dickhead Jameson. Well, I’ll keep an eye out for him. seeya Doc.” Deadpool hung up the phone and sate down on the couch rubbing his chin. “Now I know I didn’t hallucinate that. Hmm did I?”
Deadpool grabbed another slice of pizza and started eating it as he continued to watch the episode. Deadpool kept his eyes peeled for anything else in the episode as he watched the ponies he kept watch on the background wondering if he’d see anymore midgets.
He was about to nab another pizza when a knock at the door made him pause. “Hmm wonder who that could be. Couldn’t be anyone relevant to this Fic’s plot.”
Deadpool sat up the knocks were getting much louder and faster. He slowly tip toed over to the door going against the wall and slipping his way to the door. “Please let be a stripper. Or Harley Quinn… or a Harley Quinn Stripper.” He opened the door to only be meet with a young woman who looked shocked since Deadpool was pointing a gun at her face. “Oops sorry.” Deadpool closed the door and then opened it again.
“Hello there. I’m your not so friendly neighborhood, Deadpool.” Deadpool greeted with a slice of eaten pizza.
“Yeah you’re definitely the guy I need.” The girl walked into his apartment.
“Whoa,.. Hey um rude. Who are you anyway?”
“Sorry but this is important. Really important... it’s my little brother, he’s missing.”
“What? Missing,.. Wait a minute... if Spidey’s missing,.. How long has he been gone?”
“Three weeks,.. It was the same time a few other had started going missing as well.”
“I see. So how do you expect me to find?”
“Well, you're Deadpool. I mean, my little brother talks all about,... he’s your biggest fan, surprisingly. And he-”
“For my fan!!!” He got up and jumped through the window.
“Um I should’ve gave him a photo of him first.” She said looking out the window.
“Umm. Yeah I should have probably do that first.” Deadpool suddenly as if in way was going backwards like if you rewind a scene from a movie. “So what does the guy look like?”
“Oh... this is him.” She took out a photo of a kid around 13 years old he was standing with his sister near a Christmas tree, holding up b a Deadpool T-Shirt that he held proudly. “Please,.. He and my mom are the only family I have left,... If something’s happen to him…-” She began to tear up
“Shhh~ It's ok. I’ll bring him back to you, I promise.” He pulled out a banker hat and a cash register. “Will that be Cash, check, credit, or debit?”
“... Credit.” she sighed, handing him her credit card. He took it and scanned it.
“Much thanks to you! Know where he was last at?”
“The park. He used it as his alone time. You really think you can find him?”
“I can die trying… Which I can't.” He put on a fedora and trench. “Now if you excuse me, I need to get into my best Noir impression.” He walked out of the door, everything turning black and white in his eyes, followed by smooth jazz playing. As he stepped out, everything began to rain… and he monologues to himself.
It was another missing case. Some kid disappearing, three weeks along with my bud, Petey. Call me crazy, in which I am, but perhaps someone, or something, is taking them away. That, or Petey is acting like a real spider and having himself meals from some other missing people… I’m hungry. He took a Chimichanga from the park bench and ate it away. Aw… nothing to soothe the soul with herpes infested chimichangas.
Deadpool what are you doing?
“What?”
Deadpool I’m the writer/narrator here.
“I know! I just wanted to act like a detective from those noir films. I am finding a missing person, after all.”
Hmm well ok keep doing what you're doing but when you're done let take over again.
“Yaaaaay~”
I found my way down to the old park some kids were there playing on swings and merry go round,... Wait is that swing over there taken? I quickly ran over to the free swim jumping on it and started swinging. “Weeeee~ Weeeeeee~ Weeeeeeee~"
Deadpool!
“Sorry. You take over.”
Deadpool swung on the swing for a bit but stopped when a five year old stared and shook his head. Deadpool stood up and took off the detective cloak and hat and just walked away from obviously disappointed child.
Deadpool scratched his head. “Now then if I was a 13 year old were would I go for my alone time?” Deadpool started thinking of his youthful days, remembering all the dirty magazines. “Oh wait. I got this thing. Plot device.”
Deadpool brought up his gadget and tapped some of buttons randomly,.. Nothing. “Aww come on! Hmm if this kid disappeared 3 weeks ago maybe it's moved on somewhere,...” All of sudden Deadpool felt a gust of wind blowing past him he turned to see a large circle glowing pink and bright blue.
“Whoa,.. I think this is it.” Before Deadpool could even say anything, gravity started lifting Deadpool in the air. He quickly stabbed the blade of his sword in the ground as the portal tried sucking him in along with whatever nearby dirt and gravel that pelted him. “This,... SUCKS!”
Deadpool spotted some magazines getting caught by the air one of them smacked him right in the face. “HA! I knew it.” Deadpool suddenly lost grip and was sucked into the portal.
“AHHHHHHHHHH!” Deadpool flung around in the portal seeing flashes of light giving him quick seagers. Soon he found himself now in the open air but something was different it smelled cleaner and sweeter?
Deadpool blinked twice before realizing he was now falling.
“WHAAAAAAAAAH! Oof!” Deadpool landed face first into the ground leaving a cloud of dust. The cloud faded away showing Deadpool now sticking out the ground with only his bottom half kicking around trying to get free. Deadpool’s feet touched the ground and tried push himself up soon his arms were free and then with his arms and legs pulled the rest of his body out of the ground only,... his head was gone.
“Over here idiot.” Deadpool yelled out to his body that walked awkwardly over to his severed head. “Come on that’s it.”
Soon the body grabbed his head snapping his head back down into his neck there were a few cracks, pops, and snaps but his head was now back on his body again. “Phew. That’s better. Now where heck am I?”
Deadpool turned around seeing what looked like town near by,..
“Whoa wait,.. Is that Ponyville?” Deadpool’s eyes twinkled brightly in an anime like fashion. “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee~”
Deadpool jumped in the air excessively he started dancing doing a mexican fiesta dance. He shook maracas happily as he danced shaking his hips left and right. “Moon Cheeks, Pinks I’m coming home!”
Suddenly Deadpool saw a large round shadow around him that started getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger, and bigger! “I feel like I should be worried.” Deadpool looked up seeing a GIGANTIC hoof coming down right on him.
“OH S-.......” With a loud booming stomp Deadpool was crushed under the enormous hoof of giant Big Macintosh as he walked down the dirt path pulling a wagon behind him.
“Ugh,.... ow,.... Medic!” Deadpool was pressed down into an impression of a hoofprint, his crooked and broken arm raised up grabbing the edge of the print and pulled himself up as much as he could. “This,.. Is not the Equestria I use to know.”
The pony in question was a stallion, the largest stallion of the village of Ponyville. His coat was a bright red, mane was orange, had yellow hooves, and wore a brown yoke across his neck. He had a sliced, Green apple on both of his flanks, and despite being a pretty heavy looking fellow, he was as hard working as a work horse. Sure, the sudden appearances of these Tinies were surprising, even the news on how they’re tasty, but it wasn’t enough to make him stop his hard work… except for something under his hoof. He looked down to see what looked like a tiny arm sticking out, trying to claw it’s way out.
“Uh oh.” He simply spoke, taking a step back. Underneath his hoof, was another Tiny, but not like any of the ones he’s seen. Rather, this tiny was in what could only be described as a spandex costume, mask included, and had two sheathed swords on his back.
“Ugh,... hey! McDonalds! Watch where ya going, will ya!?” The tiny yelled, waving a fist at him. “Wait a second… HOLY S**T!!! Big Mac’s a Kaiju now!!! RUN!!! IT’S MACZILLA!!!” He ran around in circles, waving his arms wildly. All Mac did was give a confused look. The confused stallion just watched until the tiny was done. He then walked over scooping him in his hoof gently dropping him on his nose.
“Ya better stick with me. I think ya’ll hurt yourself,.. Or at least, bump your head really bad.”
“... He’s talking to me!” Deadpool’s eyes turned into the shape of hearts. “My lifelong dream of talking to the stallion I’d go gay for is actually talking to me… I must be in heaven!” Big Mac continued to stare awkwardly, having no idea who this Tiny is, or what in Equestria he was talking about. Deadpool hugged into Big Mac’s nose, snuggling up in his warm red fur. “Man nothing can ruin this day.”
Somewhere else on the dirt path, another portal opened, this time, a figure shot down, landing into the ground with a loud boom but to the ponies more of a ‘Poof’ sound that was barely felt. The man stood up tightening his fists, his mask a half orange and black mask, guns and many melee weapons around his hips and back. His one bandana fluttering in the wind.
“Deadpool...” His raspy voice spoke. It was the terminator Death Stroke! He stood there watching as the red giant walked down the path. A butterfly flapped around him with one single flash of his blade, the butterfly flopped to the ground it’s wings cleanly cut. “Your time is up…”
To Be Continued.