It was a warm summer day in Ponyville. The skies were clear and open. Dash knew this of course-she had helped clear the clouds out earlier. But she was always one to relish a job well done. Sometimes when she was gliding low over the earth on a day like this, she would tune out and stare up into the azure ocean above her, and enjoy the calmness of it all. It was like she could empty her mind of all the stress and worries she felt and launch into all that empty space. Sometimes of course, this did lead to the occasional near-miss with other pegasi and/or flying objects, but for the most part it was an enjoyable moment of bliss to enjoy all by herself.
Dash was heading to town to buy herself a treat. She didn’t know what yet, but that was the fun of it. She had a little money on her and hey, why not? You’ve got to be good to yourself. Rarity was a big believer in that, and though they didn’t agree on every little thing, the unicorn seemed right on the money on that regard. Besides, Dash had earned it, what with all the Friendship stuff she did with Twilight, Wonderbolt work and helping to clear clouds. Yeah, she’d definitely earned the right to go and blow some money on something cool.
The market was quieter than usually, especially for such a nice day. Rainbow Dash had a quick look around for Applejack and her stall, but she wasn’t there today-she must be busy back at the farm. Ah well, though Dash, I’ll catch up with her later. She spent the next 15 minutes or so casually browsing the various stalls. There were a couple of neat things here and there-Wonderbolt posters,cakes, some weird machine-type things that Twilight would probably like-but nothing that made her think “This is awesome, here is my money, please take it"
Deciding that she could always come back, Dash moved away from the market square and started to wonder through town at random. Occasionally you would get new shops opening up around the place-last year Dash had found an awesome costume store just on the edge of town, completely out of the blue. Maybe history would repeat itself? She started to glide just above head height, eyes darting this way and that. Ok, barbers, watch-store, magical shop of wonder, mailroom-
Dash halted in mid-air and turned around, confirming that she’d just thought she had seen. Yup, right there, standing boldly in between two other buildings, looking incredibly out of place. “Magical Shop of Wonder”. The sign was bright and garish, like something out of a carnival. How in Equestria had she missed that before? Landing and trotting forward, Dash examined it further. There were no windows, and the hard brick walls were painted maroon. There was a large, ornate knocker on the door. Curious, Dash gave the thing a try. After a rather sonorous sounding knock, the door slowly swung open into a darkened room.
Not able to resist, Dash stepped into the building. The inside was actually fairly mundane-a simple wooden counter with a bell on it, some desks and chairs, and not much else. Certainly no magic or wonder involved. In fact the place seemed deserted. Dash walked forward a little, not noticing the door slowly close behind her.
“Hello? Anypony here?”
There was no reply. She was starting to get weirded out a little now. She looked down at the bell, and gave it a ring. The bell echoed through the room, and almost at once, a voice emerged from behind the counter.
“Ahh, at last. My first customer…”
From a door on the left behind the counter emerged a unicorn mare. She had a maroon coat that matched the colour of the bricks outside, with a bright white mane that flowed freely down her neck and back. It was hard to tell how old she was-her face and eyes showed a certain youthfulness, but her way of walking and talking was like what you’d find in an older mare. Her cutie mark was a single red heart inside what looked rather like a crystal ball.
“Ah, and if I am not mistaken, you must be Rainbow Dash. I’ve heard about you. A pleasure.” She said, in a slow and calm voice. Rainbow felt her trepidations start to fall away, and regained some of her confident nature.
“Yup, that’s me! Hey, how did you say I was your first customer?”
“That’s right. I just moved here today. Oh, forgive my manners-my name is Clearheart. And..welcome”
She bowed her head. Dash rubbed her foreleg awkwardly.
“uh, ok.” Said Dash. “Thanks. So…do you have anything for sale?”
The mare chuckled at the question.
“Of course. Here, let me look into your eyes a moment”
Clearheart leaned forward and stared intently into the pegasus's eyes. Dash tried her best not to pull a a face that said “What are you doing?”, and thus chose to stare vacantly ahead like she was getting her eyes tested. After a slightly too long silence, the shopkeeper smirked and leaned back.
“Ah, such an..obvious want. You want something that is, how would you put it…”Awesome”, right?
“Heh, who doesn’t?”
“Indeed. Well, let me just have a look in here…”
Clearheart disappeared into the back of the shop, leaving Dash to ponder what Clearheart thought she had seen in her eyes. It wasn’t long until she had returned. In her hoofs was what looked like clothing.
“A jacket?”
“Oh,not just any old jacket. Take a look”
Dash took it into her own hooves and held it up. Her eyes gradually grew wider as she took in the full power of the item. It was a bomber jacket, pitch black, with a flame pattern along the bottom half of it. On the breast there was a skull and crossbones badge. On the back was a pair of flaming wings with the words “BORN TO FLY” (The lettering was also on fire). It was, in Rainbow Dash’s considered opinion, the most radical and awesome jacket in the world.
“Woah! This is…the coolest thing ever!”
“Yes, I had an inkling that it would appeal to you.”
“How did you know?!”
Clearheart smiled enigmatically
“Well, I just have a gift for guessing these sorts of things. You see, back when I was just a little filly, I always thought that-“
Rainbow almost slammed a pouch full of bits onto the desk.
“Yeah great, just take my money already!”
Clearheart just laughed, unphased, before shaking her head.
“Oh, no no no, dear, you misunderstand. I’m not interested in your bits. I sell rare items, and I take rare items in return. Well, not so much “Items…”
“Just tell me what you want for it already!” cried Dash, impatiently. “I need this, like, yesterday! Oh man, when the other Wonderbolts see me in this baby they’re going to be so jealous-wait, what’s with the hacksaw?
“Oh, this?” asked Clearheart innocently, as she levitated a very sharp, very shiny saw in her reddish magic. “Why, I need it to take your brain out. That’s what I’m asking for in return for that jacket.”
“My…brain? As in, the one in my head?”
“Yes, that one.” Said Clearheart, patiently.
“But..why?”
“Because-and please don't take this the wrong way, I have great respect for your accomplishments-I think you can afford to lose it. All I want is for you to get the best possible deal, the one deal that you didn’t even know you wanted to make. And I really do think you’re getting a good deal, here. Be honest, do you really use that brain of yours much?”
“Well, uh…" Dash strained a bit as she thought of reasons to keep her brain.
"I read sometimes. I like the Daring Do books.” she said, finally.
“Well, it’s not like I’m taking your eyes away. You can still read. Come on, just think of what your friends will think when they see you in this, ahem, “sweet” jacket.”
“Well…that’s true. I guess I don’t really use my brain that much anyway…” said Dash.
“So we have a deal?”
“Ok, sure, what the heck."
“Excellent. I’ll get started right away.”
“Um, isn’t there just some sort of spell you can cast for this?” asked Dash, eyeing the saw nervously.
“Oh there’s a spell I can cast to keep you, well…alive” said Clearheart, mumbling that last word in a low, inaudible voice. “But unfortunately I still need this. Hold still, please…”
Her horn flared with light for a moment, and a cold, numbing feeling enveloped Dash’s head. This was probably why, when the hacksaw started to cut into her skull just above the ears and eyes, she didn’t feel much pain. She could feel the metal teeth grinding away against bone, which felt strange as the vibrations went down through her body, but it wasn’t painful. After a while the saw had went all the way around the circumference of her head. Clearheart placed the saw on the counter. Then, with a certain relish, she lifted the top of Rainbow Dash’s skull off, exposing the pegasus’s wrinkled, pink brain.
“Ah, yes, you can see that it’s been rather underworked.” Muttered Clearheart, as she set the rainbow-topped skullcap on the counter next to the hacksaw. “No matter, I’ll take it off your hooves for you, happy to help.”
Before Dash could reply to what sounded rather like a underhoof insult, she suddenly felt rather lightheaded. She swayed a little on the spot before shaking her head. When she looked up again, she seen what must be her own brain, held in mid-air by magic.
“Huh. Cool. Twilight would love this…” she said to herself. She watched as her brain was sat on the counter, where it landed with a wet thud. It looked pretty gross to Dash, especially when contrasted to that totally awesome jacket she was getting in return. Brains were for ponies like Twilight. She had guts, that’s what really mattered. If Clearheart had asked for those? No deal. A stupid, winkled up lump like that though? Nah, she was getting a great deal out of this. No downsides to this that she could think of, nope…
Dash became aware that Clearheart was staring at her. The brainless pony cocked her empty head.
“Everything good?”
“Oh, good.Yes. Just checking to see that you’re still awake. Some ponies don’t react well to having their brains removed . Because they’re using them…”
“What was that? You kinda trailed off at the end there.
“Oh, nothing. Anyway…I promise to take good care of this. And as promised…your jacket. Enjoy.”
“Heck yeah, so worth it!” said Dash. She immediately got dressed, sliding her forelegs into the sleeves and admiring herself.
“Oh man, I must look soooo cooool. Thanks, Clearheart. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go give this baby a test-flight. Later!”
And with that, the newly brainless pegasus flew out of the store and into the sky like a missile. The shopkeeper watched her go, waving, then looked down at her prize. She prodded it with her hoof, feeling the soft, jelly-like texture deform at her touch before slowly returning to its original shape. Then her eyes were drawn to the rainbow-coloured mane beside it, still attached to the skullcap that she had sawed off.
“Oh, she forgot to come back for this. How absent-minded of her. Haha.”
Smiling at her own little joke, Clearheart went off to fetch a jar for her newest item. She really did hope Dash was happy with her trade. Especially if it brings in new customers…