I wake up in a strange place I don't know. I feel comfortable, but there are weird noises everywhere, and a funny smell in the air. Have I been kidnapped? Should I scream? I'll scream. I can't seem to find the right words to say, so I simply make the loudest sound I can at the top of my voice.
A few seconds later, a oddly familiar-looking yellow-maned orange mare comes in. Even though I've never met her before, I find her presence somewhat soothing, and listen in rapt fascination as she talks to me gently in a calm, clear voice. I just wish she made more sense though, because what she's spouting is gobble-de-gook. She must be a foreigner, or something. Oh well, live and let live.
For some reason she seems very interested in my sheets, and lightly picks me up with those strong hooves of hers so she can check them. As she removes the entire blanket from the bed, a smaller, red-maned yellow pony with a face that I just can't place wanders in, looking very worn out. What is with me this morning... why doesn't anything make sense... if only I had my specs...
Oops, there they are. I feel them being placed atop my head. Nope, still don't really recognise her, or the larger pony... perhaps she reminds me of somepony that I used to know. I want to say hello, but it's just too difficult to pronounce. My mind feels full of stodgy pudding. It's so hard to think and talk at the same time. I don't know how this pair do it.
As Orange gives Little Yellow my entire bedspread to take away (hopefully, I'll get it back soon) I'm finally able to make out some of the former's words. She says I have lots of friends coming today and she wants me to look my best. What, is she saying I'm ugly? Why the nerve of that whippersnapper! I oughta...
What was I thinking about again? Oh yes, I'm hungry. I hope Orange is going to treat me to a meal with these teeth she's just shoved in my mouth. I deserve it, after all the fussin' she's doing with my hair, and this horrible spotted thing she insists on tying round my neck. Have I ever worn anything like this before? I doubt it... it's terrible. But if it'll make the nice mare happy, I'll give it a try...
Hey, what do you think you're doing? I can get down the stairs just fine by myself, you know! What do you think I am, some kind of invalid? As nice as this mare is, I won't have her carry me downstairs! It's undignified. It's not right. It's...
Oh hello, who's this big fella? He's a bright, shiny red. I like red. I see him running up towards me, and like the horrible orange mare, he seems to want to transport me downstairs in his hooves. Well, if he's the one that'll be taking me, then it's a whole different proposition altogether. You can carry me anywhere you want, handsome.
He looks a little bashful at my flirting, and that's to be expected. I'm a pretty young thing to be sure, so he should be flattered. Now where was I? Oh yes, now I'm at a table, with a bowl of something mushy put in front of me. Whatever it is, they sure eat a lot of it around here, although the food the others are swallowing seems to be more solid. I have my teeth in now... can't I have the same as everyone else? It's not fair! It's...
Oops, while I was procrastinating, apparently I've finished all my slop. It's funny... I don't actually remember eating any of it. Orange is standing nearby though, so she must've had something to me having a full tummy. Now, she's wiping my muzzle off. Honestly, I don't know why she pays me this much attention! I'm not worth it...
Oh, now I'm moving again. I find myself being guided towards a wobbly chair that seems to squeak a lot. Why they expect me to sit in this old thing I don't know, it looks patently unsafe. We should get it replaced as soon as possible. I can't seem to find the strength to get back up though, and my eyelids feel so heavy. Maybe I'll just close them for a bit...
...............................................................
Leaping Lizards! What's with all that noise?! It's like there's a party going on in my backyard. I open my eyes again to see a completely different scene to the last time I greeted daylight... ponies of all sorts of colours running around the room, acting like they owned the place. Some are even wearing large hats! Have we been invaded? Am I going to get hurt? Perhaps, I should scream again? Yes, I'll scream.
That darned orange mare appears again (she seems to be everywhere at the moment) and stops me from scaring away the trespassers. Well, she should mind her own business. Now she wants to introduce me to them? Geez girl, your heart is softer than your head. In my day, we'd have chased these varmints out, and...
Huh? Now that's strange, I'm sure something serious was going on, but all I can see around me is a queue of lovely ponies who want to shake my hoof. Yellow ones, blue ones, red ones... even some green ones, like me. Well, at least I'm being appreciated, I suppose. Unlike some ponies, who think I can't even dress myself or go down the stairs on my own.
Gosh, this line is long. I must be more important than I thought. My hoof is starting to ache, too. I want to moan but I don't want to be a bother, so I just stand there and smile. Some of them still seem a bit upset when I look them in the eye, though... who knows why! I'm doing my best!
That little red-maned yellow pony from earlier returns with another youngster who's a similar size, but orange like that pesky mare who won't leave me alone. They have quite a short mane, so whether they're a boy or a girl I just don't know. I'll never get used to these newfangled mane cuts. They keep giving me the oddest looks too, almost as if I'm some exhibit in a glass case. Eventually, Little Yellow ushers them away, which is just as well for them, as I was about to tan their...
Now, what was I about to do again? Oh yes, go for a 'hayride'. At least, that's what everypony is saying it's called, as I find myself being led outside to a wagon being pulled by some strong, muscular stallions, including Big Red from earlier. Coo-ee, cutie! Remember me? He looks embarrassed by my teasing, bless his little heart. What a sweetie. He'll be mine soon enough...
Oh heck, now we're moving. I didn't even notice I'd got on board. I turn to my left and right, and yup. There's Orange and Little Yellow keeping me 'company' again... actually, it's more like they're keeping me restrained. What do they think I'm going to do, jump off, or something? ...Actually, this motion is kind of scary, and rocky. I don't like it very much. Perhaps I should...
Ooo, we've stopped. Just in the nick of time, as I was about to jettison this horrible vehicle. I would've done too, if it weren't for those darn interfering bookends. Now, we've arrived at an area with lots of tables with dishes on them, resplendent with all sorts of funny-looking food...
But no time for that, as I'm deposited onto a bench with a couple of old dears, and a giant-size quilt is given to all three of us. Strange, I didn't think it was naptime yet. This definitely isn't my bedroom, either... now, what they expect me to with this tiny sharp pointy metal thingamajig? Pick my nose? Okay, I'll give it a try... well, why give it to me, if you're just going to take it away again? Honestly, Orange will be the death of me yet.
Now they expect me to watch some sort of race involving Little Yellow and her genderless orange friend, where their hooves are tied together. I try to get involved in their hobbling towards the finishing line, but I find myself staring all around instead, and asking myself: Where am I? Who am I? What is the date? Why is everypony celebratin... oh, Little Yellow and her orange friend won. Well done, I suppose.
What the... somepony's started playing some fiddly music, and everypony else is dancing and prancing and clapping around like a bunch of hooligans. Ugh, not for me thanks. My hip starting twinging something deadly the last time I tried moving so freely, so I just relax and rock in time to the rhythm while Orange keeps me company. I must say, as much as I complain about her, I am starting to appreciate her companionship. I'd be left all by myself if it wasn't for her, and it's really frightening, being all alone...
Huh? Why do my eyes feel wet? I don't understand. Even more bizarre, Orange seems to use this as a cue to hug the bejeebers out of me. My goodness child... it's not like I'm bleeding is it? Or am I... nope, the moisture on the tissue she's dabbing my face with seems to be clear. Phew. Now it's her turn to wipe her eyes. I didn't ask you to copy my optic flow, dear. So rude.
Now finally, after all of that time-wasting hippety-hoof malarkey, it's time to chow down. Of course, before I can take one measly bite, Orange has to mash all my food to a pulp, so it more resembles gruel than a good square meal. Meanwhile, Little Yellow ties a silly bib around my neck to match the stupid neckscarf I've already got on. I just let 'em get on with it... if it makes them happy, who am I to object?
I can't eat even half the spread, though. In fact, I feel full-to-bursting after only a few spoonfuls of stodge lovingly administered to me by Orange, and make grunting noises to illustrate my point. Guess I'll have to loosen my belt by a few notches tonight... or rather, the way they're all waiting on me hoof-and-foot, somepony'll do it for me.
Now, this is odd. After all the plates are put away, the leftover grub has been thrown to the birds and some wacky yellow stallion in a waistcoat and stetson has finished goofing around, everypony starts work on erecting a giant wooden structure. They're very excited, with their hammers and nails and planks of wood and whatnot, but I don't see the point. We have a perfectly good building already, that looks just like the one they're constructing on the blueprint they insist on showing me, so it just seems like an almighty waste of time.
Still, at least I don't have to join in on this absurd tomfoolery, and instead spend the rest of the afternoon languishing in the shade, surrounded by older specimens too long-in-the-hoof to help out, and youngsters too darn bone idle to join in. That weird-looking orange filly/colt wanders over again, and I've decided that even though they're a nosy little thing, I actually like them. I give their short mane a bit of a stroke, and giggle a bit as their freckly cheeks light up. Ah, to be young again. Time moves by so fast...
Speaking of which, everypony seems to have stopped making an almighty commotion with their saws and screwdrivers and wrenches so I sneak a peek at what's going on. Wow... they've finished their little pet project already. It's just the same as the other one we have, what a surprise. Still, as far as imitations go, it's quite a good one... YAWN.
Oh, is it early evening already? It turns out the kerfuffle made by our budding architects was the only thing keeping me in the land of the living, and now that it's all over I feel fit to collapse. For some reason, my drowsiness is of major concern to all those in attendance, who ask Orange and Little Yellow and Big Red a bunch of mumbled questions about something or other, while scrutinising me over as if I have a hairy wart on my nose. I haven't, have I? I'll have to check later... in fact, when was the last time I saw myself in the mirror? What do I even look like?! How old...
Hang on everypony, you don't have to leave on my account. Okay, now I feel like mule dung. Well done... whatever my name is. Before they all begin to climb into their carts and barrows and buggies however, they of course have to head over to my direction and try and squeeze the life out of me. Am I being punished for ruining the party? Or is this some kind of annual ritual they do? I can't seem to recall it at the last one of these jamborees... which was when, again? Honestly, my memory these days. It really is like a sieve. Some things are as clear as day, whereas others are faded like an old painting. Now, what was I wittering on about...
Well, that's that then. Everypony is on their way, leaving Big Red, Little Yellow and Orange with a barking dog that's suddenly appeared, to wave (and woof) them off, while I'm too tired to even lift a hoof. Amazing how an event like this can take it out of you, even when you're just a casual observer of proceedings most of the time. One thing I have noticed though, is how damp the area on my body is around where the departing ponies have hugged me. They could've least dried their faces first, if they were wet. How inconsiderate.
I don't mind being lugged back to where we live this time, as it's got to the stage where I can barely keep my eyes open. On this occasion, it's Big Red who has the 'honour' of transiting me on his strong masculine back, isn't he lucky... I certainly am. Before we know it, we're in my bedroom again, with my sheets finally restored to their rightful place and smelling lovely, I must say.
As Orange starts to prepare me for a good, long rest, my fogged-out brain hears snatches of conversation, about how nice it was to see so many other ponies today. It was, but maybe next time we could invite some that I actually know? That'll be even better. I also hear her mention that today's construction was 'in my honour'. I've no idea what I'd done to deserve that. Perhaps whenever I fuss or gripe in the future, they'll build me a statue. That's the way it works, right?
With my teeth out and neckscarf off, apparently there's nothing left to be done. I snuggle under the covers as Orange tucks me in securely, also having to forcibly eject that darn mutt en route who seems to have taken a liking to licking my muzzle. She leaves the door open a crack, and just before I nod off, I see Big Red and Little Yellow peeking in through the sliver of light at me. Come on, you've been following and helping me out all day. I like you and all but... can't I have some privacy now, please?
I'll..s...ee...y...ou...a...ll...to...morr...ow zzzzzz...