//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: 'Merica // Story: The Ponypocolipse // by radiation_pony //------------------------------// Meanwhile deep under the White House- “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M A LITTLE HORSE!” wheezed a orange pony with a blonde tribble on his head. “Calm down Mister President, all this screaming isn't good for your larynx” said one of his security guards “I HAVE BIGGER, HUGE-ER PROBLEMS THAN YOUR MADE UP BODY PARTS” the orange trumpilufigus screamed “I CAN'T TURN THE NUCLEAR KEYS WITH THESES BIG, HUGE THUMBS” “Um, Sir, those aren't thumbs, you don't have hands” chipped in a new guard “YOU'RE FIRED!” Mr. President dismissed him before turning to a server tech “You need to replace these tiny, TINY, keys with a BIG, and I mean BIG button. That way I can BLOW THE ILLEGAL, LIBERAL, ISLAMIC, TERRORIST, IMMIGRANTS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET, and make sure to make the button red, big buttons are always red” as his anger at the situation rose a vein above the president's left eye bulged. The technician was about to comment that he wasn't an engineer when the senior security guard stepped in, “Mister President, I suggest you take a moment and watch the news, afterword the CIA can report on their findings on this event” “Yes that would be good” the Commander and Chief is led away to another room in the presidential bunker where channel 9 commercials can be heard blaring. At the same time the sun rose over the rocky mountains and hundreds of celebrities and wannabes woke up to find millions of dollars in breast implants, plastic surgery and more exotic body modifications gone. As word reached NASDAQ, stocks in silicon and jellyfish venom plummeted. Hospitals around the planet struggled to cope with the number of healthy patients as not only were ponies checking in to figure out what was wrong with them but whatever caused the transformation seemed to have a mild healing effect, not that the medical staff knew where to start with their now equine patients, well except for the new ones that appeared out of nowhere, like a nurse who insists her name is ‘Redheart’. Back in the president's secure command bunker, chief of the CIA and founder of Wikileaks was informing the president about the new world order “So the entire, Huge world now look like this?” the unconvinced president questioned “Yes, although there are three variations: ones with a single horn which we dubbed Unicorns, ones with wings which we called Pegasi, and ones with neither, which we don't have a good name for yet, although the leader of North Korea Kim Il Sung claims to be a combination of all three, which he claims is a sign of godhood, we haven't found a pattern with this yet” the head of the CIA opens the next folder “In addition there appears to be a large influx of ‘ponies’” “Ponies, are we under attack by little, tiny horses?” “No they look the same as us but they are not local, that’s what they call themselves ‘ponies’ they can be distinguished by their strange names and that the unicorn ones seem to be capable of telekinesis while the pegasi ones can actually fly” “We don't know who they are, they have funny names, THEIR REFUGEES! I knew we needed that travel ban.” The chief of the CIA was about to respond when a faint pounding accompanied by even fainter signing, as they listened the singing got louder until they could hear the words, “Brothers of the mine rejoice, Sing sing sing with me, raise your pick and raise your voice, Swing swing swing with me…” at this point the whole bunker was shaking as cracks formed in the wall and a force of bearded diamond dogs with pickaxes broke though. The leader, which had a brilliant orange beard; Stepped forward. “Shoddy workmanship, not even real rock, just gravel glued into clumps, c'mon lads still a bit to go to reach the surface, we need to meet the princesses” The security guards drew their weapons while one questioned “What are you doing here? How did you get here? What are you?” The creature responded “we’re just passing though, sorry about the mess” he tossed a small bag which spilled gold coins across the floor ”hope that pays for damages, and don't patch the tunnels before we come back or we will break through again. As for how we got here, we dug idiot. As for what we are, well we were dwarves digging holes…” The other creatures started singing “I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole diggy diggy hole digging hole” “...in search of Diamonds, Rubies, Gold, and more, when magic turned us into whatever we are, looks like the same happened to you, how are you humans doing, must be what? Centuries since we last met?” the leader shakes the dumbfounded president's hoof “Are you still building walls? Anyway we really must be on our way” The ‘Dwarf’ lead his group to the far wall and they started to sing again “To dig and Dig makes us free come on brother dig with me, I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole diggy diggy hole…” in less than a minute they had dug a hole deep enough for all fifty plus to fit with ease Afterwards the everyone in the War room went WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?