Sunset Glow gave her guest at the table a tremulous smile. "Cady, thank you so much for stopping by. It's been a big help."
Cadance smiled as she sipped her tea. "Shiny would've come himself, but he's helping his father cope."
"I'm glad Shiny is here," said Shimmering. "He's always been a stabilizing influence on the family. He was so very helpful when, um ..." He glanced nervously at his wife.
"Shimmy, you can say it," said Glow. "I've managed to get to where I don't cry every time I hear that Sunset is gone."
Cadance glanced around. "Your family pictures only show Night Light. Shall I ask Auntie Celestia to remove that part of the spell as well?"
"Not yet," said Glow in a quavering voice. "I haven't worked though this enough to handle seeing her everywhere I go."
"Maybe ask her to remove the spell from one picture," said Shimmering. "Let us ease into this."
Cadance glanced at Glow. "Celestia would like to talk to you, when you feel you can."
Glow frowned. "She's the last pony I ever want to talk to."
"I know you're upset with her, but eventually--"
"I don't have to do anything she wants!" Glow snapped.
"Cady, this is going to take a while," said Shimmering.
"A while? How about never!"
"Glowy, please--"
"No, Shimmy, there's nothing I want to hear from her," Glow declared. "There's nothing she can possibly say to make up for this. She lied to me, Cady, right there in the throne room. Right when she could've explained all this to me."
"Celestia knows she can never make it up to you," said Cadance. "But she does want to apologize."
"Apologize? How is that going to bring Sunny back?"
"It wasn't Celestia's fault that--"
"How do you know that?" Glow demanded.
Cadance hesitated. "I beg your pardon?"
"Glowy--" Shimmering began in a warning tone.
"What if Celestia pushed Sunny too hard?" Glow continued. "What if Sunny went too far just to please her mentor?"
"You know that's not true," said Cadance. "You know what Sunset believed."
"Maybe that's not true, either," Glow said in a low voice. "Maybe ... m-maybe she pretended to believe that ... maybe the Princess taught her that ..."
"Sunset Glow," said Cadance in a firm voice. "My aunt has done some wrong things but she would never hold a belief like that, nor teach it to anypony else."
Glow swallowed hard. "We didn't teach her that. It must have come from somewhere."
"Celestia was just as shocked to learn of her beliefs as you and Shimmering were." Cadance stared down into her tea. "We may never know where she obtained such ideas."
"It's so hard for me not to blame the Princess, Cady," said Glow in a soft, tremulous voice.
"We want somepony to take responsibility for what happened," said Shimmering.
"Celestia is taking full responsibility," Cadance said softly. "Maybe it's not enough, but I don't know what would be."
"I wish I could go back in time," Glow said in a strained voice. "Tell my past self not to let Sunny be Celestia's student."
"Then she may have simply worshiped Celestia from afar, taught herself what she needed to know, and nopony would have been watching her when--"
Glow hopped off the chair onto unsteady hooves. "I don't think I'm quite as ready for this as I had thought. Cady, I'm sorry, but I need some time alone."
Shimmering gave his wife a forlorn look as he stepped up to Cadance. "I'm really sorry about this. I know you still look up to your Aunt Celestia, but Glowy is not seeing past the need to blame somepony for this."
Cadance nodded slowly. "I figured as much. What about you?"
"I admit, I found it easy to blame her for everything as well," said Shimmering in a slightly terse voice. "But I'm trying to work past it. It's not going to do any good, and it's not going to bring Sunny back."
Cadance finished off the rest of her tea and left her chair. "I better leave for now, otherwise I'm going to start trying to defend Auntie Celestia again." She sighed. "I hope Shiny is having better luck than I am."
"Shiny, I'm a little concerned about what you said earlier," said Night Light in a low voice in the living room of his home. "Do you really believe Celestia was in the right for wiping our memories of my sister?"
"Well, I don't like the idea that our heads were messed with, no," said Shining Armor said in a distracted voice.
"That didn't answer my question."
"Because I don't know how to answer it, Dad. Why do you think I still haven't talked to the Princess?"
Night stepped closer. "Are you sure you're not acting out of misguided loyalty?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You were Captain of the Guard for a long while."
Shining turned more fully towards his father. "Yes, I was, and I swore an oath of absolute loyalty to Princess Celestia."
"Which you're not necessarily bound to today."
Shining face-hoofed. "Dad, just listen to yourself! I don't just discard those things if they become inconvenient."
"I don't want you falling into the same trap that Sunset did."
Shining frowned. "This is not the same thing. I've been closer to the Crown than anypony in this family save for Twilight and Aunt Sunset. I know the hard decisions the Princess has to make. So maybe I'm not as angry about this as I thought I was." He paused and murmured, "Or at least not in the way everypony else is."
Night was quiet for a moment. "This is more about Twilight, isn't it?" he said softly.
"Cady told me something Princess Celestia said to her when they talked," said Shining. "That in death, some ponies become more powerful and influential than they were when alive. The last thing Twilight ever said after Aunt Sunset died and before the Princess wiped our memories was 'I'm going to be just like Auntie Sunset when I grow up.'"
"Oh, now, Shiny, you can't know that she included Sunset's philosophy as well!" said Night. "She was likely just referring to Sunset's skill at magic."
"Maybe she was," Shining said. "But I'm glad we never had to find out."
"If she had lived, maybe she could have been reformed," said Night. "Maybe Twilight could've reformed her, you ever think of that?"
"Dad--"
Night's eyes misted. "She helped reform Luna, Discord, and Starlight Glimmer." He paused and turned away. "Or s-somepony in the family could've done it. We could've saved her."
Shining stepped up to his father and draped a fore-leg around his barrel. "Dad, I'm sorry."
Night lowered his head. "I miss her, Shiny. I miss her terribly. We had such a wonderful foal-hood together."
Shining drew his father close. "When this is all over, you'll have to share some of your stories with the family."
"What I really regret is that all her things are just ... gone. I have no mementos to remember her by." Night looked up and wiped an eye with the back of a hoof. "I made her a set of cutout paper wings once, so she could be a little princess."
Shining smiled.
"She took them with her to the palace after becoming Princess Celestia's student." Night took a deep breath. "I would give anything to have them again, just as a reminder of how good things were for a while."
Shining drew his father into a hug. "We'll get past this, Dad," he said in a soft voice. "And we'll all be stronger for it in the end."
Night gave him a tremulous smile. "I guess you're right, Shiny. I'm so glad you're here. You were always the strong one."
Shining's smile faded slightly. "Yeah, I guess I am. I was in the Royal Guard after all."
"I'm so sorry I questioned your--"
"No, please, Dad, stop," Shining said softly. "If anything, you helped me see a few things a little more clearly."
"Maybe that will help you in talking to Princess Celestia," said Night.
"It just might," said Shining in a subdued voice.
Starlight paused for an awkward moment as she stepped into Celestia's presence before remembering to bow. "Um, uh, thank you seeing me, Princess."
"Until we get this matter with the portal sorted out," said Celestia. "I am at you and Twilight's disposal. What may I do for you?"
Starlight rose to her hooves. "Um, well, this is kinda awkward. Normally Twilight would've asked you about this, but she's busy with trying to figure out how the portal works."
"Whatever information you need, I will provide, Starlight Glimmer," said Celestia.
Starlight glanced to the side and rubbed her mane with a hoof. "Well, I wanted to ask you about that day when Sunset died."
Celestia hesitated, her eyes glistening. "I see," she said in a small voice.
"I kinda need some specific details about what happened." Starlight sighed. "I know I'm not the most tactful pony in existence but--"
Celestia held up a hoof. She took a deep breath and left her throne. "For some things, all the tact in Equestria would not be enough. How do you wish me to proceed?"
"Maybe describe in a little more detail what happened that day," said Starlight. "What you heard. Um ... what you saw."
Celestia nodded and started to slowly pace. "I had reached her residence. Her lab was on the third floor. I had considered walking up the stairs so she would hear me coming. I wanted this to be as non-confrontational as possible. Yet she had set a ward at the bottom of the stairs I did not see."
Starlight raised an eyebrow. "Wait, she was able to hide a ward from even you?"
Celestia smiled gently. "I was not specifically looking for one. But I had felt it trip, thus I decided to fly up instead." Her smile faded. "When I reached the second floor, I hesitated." She lowered her head. "I wish to all the powers that be that I had not hesitated."
"Um, why did you?" Starlight asked.
"Because that was where she had built her shrine to me. It was the first time I had seen it. I was ... aghast. It was like something out of a historical play, when proto-pony tribes worshiped ancient pantheons of gods." Celestia paused. "Then I heard Sunset scream. Then a ... a loud noise, a combination of a splintering and ... a wet splatter."
Starlight's pupils shrank. "Splatter??"
Celestia resumed pacing, her hooves clopping into the silence for a few moments. "When I got to the lab, the portal was closed and roiling with unstable energy. I had to seal it before I could deal with the blood."
Starlight swallowed hard.
"Which was tremendously difficult considering how my stomach turned at the sight and smell," said Celestia in a quavering voice.
"H-How much blood are we talking about here?" Starlight asked.
"It was all over the walls, the floor, the ceiling."
Starlight paled. "O-okay, I don't want to ask this any more than you want to answer it, but here goes. Was there ... was there enough?"
"I know where you are going with this, Starlight," said Celestia softly. "This was not a case of a little splatter that she could have done by cutting herself. It was determined that there was about half a pony's worth of blood and tissue in that room. It was tested, and it was indeed Sunset's."
Starlight slowly nodded. "Um, okay, thanks."
Celestia turned to Starlight. "Did Twilight suggest that Sunset may have faked her death?"
"Well, yeah, we considered that, but now I'm not so sure."
"You are thinking everything I was forced to at the time," said Celestia. "Once I got past my initial shock and grief. She was clever enough that she could have done it. I searched for any evidence that she had ever done any such preparation in that area and came up empty."
Starlight paused. "How did you go about looking for that evidence?"
"I checked to see if Sunset had procured materials she could have used to create a convincingly gory display. I asked the biology department at Canterlot University to do a thorough inventory in case Sunset had stolen what she needed. I had other biology and medical suppliers do the same. All materials were accounted for."
"What about Star Singer?"
Celestia hesitated. "I'm sorry?"
"Did you look for anything referencing Star Singer?" Starlight asked.
"Why would I do that? Who is Star Singer?"
Starlight's eyes widened. "Princess, how did you find out about Sunset's research into transformation magic? Wasn't it by finding research she did in the Archives?"
"No, I discovered her plans more directly," said Celestia. "I detected the energies themselves and paid her a visit to ask her about it. She had not expected me to arrive at that moment, and much of her research was out for me to see."
"So you have no idea that Star Singer was assisting her?"
"No, I did not," said Celestia.
"But you must have!" Starlight said. "I found documents in the Archives where Star Singer collaborated with professors on transformation magic. How did you pull those into your spell if you didn't know about them?"
"I did not want to track down every document or pony by hoof," said Celestia. "So I let the spell do that for me. It had two simple directives: find all documents and memories on Sunset Shimmer herself, and find all documents and memories on her research."
"So you pulled in those documents without realizing that they hadn't been authored by Sunset herself."
"Starlight, what does this all mean?" Celestia asked in an urgent voice.
"I'm not sure yet," said Starlight. "I'm going to have to do more research before I know for sure."
"I've given you just as much authorization as Twilight to obtain the information you need," declared Celestia.
"Thank you, Princess. I better go." Starlight turned away and galloped for the doors.
"Starlight, wait!" Celestia called out.
Starlight skidded to a halt and spun around.
Celestia stepped towards her, her eyes misting. "Starlight ... does this mean that Sunset might be alive?"
Starlight hesitated. "I'm not sure. I promise to let you know what I find out."
Celestia nodded, not trusting her voice. She let out a shuddering breath. "Sunset ... my beloved student ... a-alive ..."
Spike stepped over to the table in the far corner of the Canterlot Archives where Twilight sat poring over sheets of equations that nearly covered every available space. Several more were levitated in the air around her head. He held a tray in his claws with a daffodil sandwich and salad on one side, and a bowl of gems in the other.
"Um, Twilight?" Spike said softly.
Twilight's head jerked up, and the pages floating around her head fluttered to the floor. "Huh, what?! Oh." She levitated the dropped pages back to the table. "Hi, Spike. How long have you been standing there?"
"I just got here." Spike smiled and lifted the tray. "I brought food."
Twilight blinked. "Is it lunchtime already?"
Spike's smile faded, and he raised an eyebrow. "Um, this is dinner, Twilight."
Twilight's eyes widened. "It is? How long have I been at this?"
"Pretty much all day." He glanced at the myriad papers. "Make any progress?"
Twilight sighed and leaned her head on a fore-hoof. "Not as much as I would like."
Spike stepped around the table. He balanced the tray in one claw while rearranging pages on the table with the other. "Not having much luck, huh?"
Twilight's horn glowed, and she assisted in clearing a space on the table. "It's just going far more slowly than I would like."
Spike set down the tray and hopped into a chair. "What about your idea of using the transformation magic equations?"
"I've confirmed that there is definitely transformation magic leaking through the portal," said Twilight. "That's why I'm getting a little frantic. It could mean that at the very least Sunset's magical device survived the trip through the portal." She picked up the sandwich in her magic. "But until I discover how to properly control the portal, I can't do anything about it."
Spike munched on a gem before responding. "Are you really going to try to travel to that other world?"
Twilight took a large bite of her sandwich, not realizing until then how ravenous she was. She chewed a few perfunctory times before swallowing. "I feel I have to, Spike. Best case scenario is that Aunt Sunset's device survived the trip but is inactive, and what I'm detecting is just energy leakage."
"Inactive?"
Twilight took another bite from her sandwich. "Her device was built with this world's biology in mind," she said with her mouth full. She swallowed and continued. "Another world is likely to have a different biology. Theoretically, her device shouldn't work there unless it was adjusted somehow, not just for that world's pathogens but to ensure the resulting pony body is an optimal fit with their biosphere."
Spike popped a gem in his mouth and smirked. "I've been hanging around you too much. I actually understood most of that."
Twilight rolled her eyes but smiled faintly.
"So if it's inactive, what are you worried about?" asked Spike.
"We haven't had contact with these natives in seven centuries," said Twilight. "In that time, they may have developed the skills to manipulate the device, even understand its purpose. The last thing I want is for another world to think that Equestria has hostile intent. Or if they already believe that, somepony has to correct that impression."
Spike grinned. "I think you just like the idea of being an emissary to another world."
Twilight's smile widened slightly. "I have to admit, the idea is a little exciting."
Spike raised an eyebrow.
Twilight giggled. "Okay, it's very exciting, especially considering that we have an advantage if we do have to travel to that world."
"We do?"
"The first expedition to that world recorded a great deal of their culture, including what seemed to be a fairly universal language among their imperial institutions," Twilight explained. "Their name for it was 'Latin'. I can learn enough of it to gain the trust of a native so I can cast a translation spell."
"If they're still speaking that language now," said Spike.
"Yes, I considered that. Even our own language has drifted in that time. I'm hoping that this imperial period was significant enough historically that the natives will have retained some knowledge of their older language." Twilight considered as she chewed another bite of her sandwich. "Maybe I better hedge my bets and learn the secondary language called 'Greek' that they used largely for literary--"
"Twilight!" came Starlight's excited voice in the distance, accompanied by her galloping hoofsteps. "Twilight, I found something!"
Twilight's eyes widened as she saw the batch of scrolls and papers Starlight levitated before her. "What is it?"
Starlight skidded to a halt, some of the papers working loose and fluttering to the floor. "Remember that name Star Singer?"
"Yes, I remember," said Twilight. "She helped divert attention from Aunt Sunset while she did her transformation magic research."
Starlight smirked as she picked up the fallen pages. "Well, guess what? Star Singer wasn't just some random student Sunset pressed into service for her. They were close study-buddies. Take a look at this."
Starlight passed a page to Twilight, who grabbed it in her magic. "This is Star Singer's student transcript," said Twilight. "What does this have to do with ... wait ... she changed her major from high magic to biology?"
Starlight smirked. "And, of course, it's not at all suspicious that she did that six months before Sunset disappeared."
"But what exactly does this mean?"
Starlight face-hoofed. "Oh, come on, Twilight, put two and two together! This gave Star Singer -- and Sunset by proxy -- access to materials she could use to fake her own death."
"But isn't that circumstantial evidence?" Twilight said.
"Maybe." Starlight levitated another set of pages. "But take a look at this."
Twilight took the pages from her. "These are lesson plans for biology lab work for Star Singer's classes. What am I looking for?"
"Go to the end of each one," said Starlight. "It lists the materials the instructor provided. I circled them."
Twilight shuffled through the papers. "Sterile storage flasks ... Long term preservation jars ... Tissue sample extraction gems? ... Stasis crystals??" She recoiled, her pupils shrinking. "Desanguination spells?!"
Spike scratched his head. "Um, what's a desan ... desangu-in-a, um ..."
"Desanguination," Twilight said in a slightly quavering voice. "It refers to the process of removing blood from a body."
Spike gulped, his eyes wide. "Why would you even want to do that?!"
"Its main use is a safe means of allowing a pony to donate blood to another," said Twilight.
"I doubt that was the use Sunset had in mind," Starlight said. "Especially when you consider everything else that Star Singer acquired."
Twilight paled. "Do you realize what you're implying??"
"Implying? I'll come right out and say it!" Starlight declared. "Sunset created an elaborate ruse to fool everypony into thinking she died. Everything she had Star Singer get for her was designed to extract samples of her own blood and tissue over time, all the while avoiding leaving a single mark on her that could be suspicious. The fact that they were spread out over multiple projects for Star Singer's biology courses made it even harder to figure out what she did. She would have had to do it over time, as Princess Celestia told me there was half a pony's worth of blood and tissue in that room."
Spike's claws settled over his stomach. "You had to tell us this over dinner," he muttered.
Twilight fell heavily to her haunches. "This is terrible. It means Aunt Sunset was planning to prey on this other world from the moment she started to work on the portal."
"Well, isn't that what we thought might be true?"
"I was hoping I was wrong!" Twilight cried. "I'm nowhere near close to getting the portal to work!"
"Well, it's just a matter of time, right?" Starlight said in a tentative voice. "You've figured out stuff like this before."
Twilight frowned and stood, marching up to Starlight. "I don't think you understand. It's not just a matter of opening the portal and hopping through. This is a very complex set of mechanics, and some of it is beyond me right now."
Starlight's eyes widened. "What, seriously?"
"Did I hear that right?" Spike said.
Twilight turned towards her notes and levitated a blueprint. "I have enough data to construct a thaumic matrix to open the portal by brute force -- assuming the crystals don't shatter from mana overload -- but I don't know how to control the other endpoint yet."
"Uh, I don't follow," said Starlight.
Twilight set down the design and turned to her. "If the other endpoint is anchored, we have no idea where or how. If the ambient transformation magic is the anchor, we could wind up right in the middle of a heavily populated area. If Aunt Sunset anticipated somepony discovering her ruse, she could anchor it in a trap or dead end. If she has no idea the portal is active and she's unwittingly the anchor, we could come out standing right next to her. Maybe we could subdue her quickly enough, but if we fail, we're in big trouble. And that's assuming she hasn't become even more powerful in the two decades she's been there!"
"But what about the data on the previous portals?" Spike asked.
"Those are observations of naturally occurring portals, where the endpoints open at random." Twilight sighed. "This could take weeks. Or months. If Aunt Sunset is really in this other world with an intact device, and she's starting to use it, that's time we don't have. I need some sort of primer, something that will give me an idea of how ultra-high energy magic works without having to recreate years of Aunt Sunset's research."
"Surely some of her research made it into the Archives," Starlight said. "Maybe we should start there."
"I've already been through it all," Twilight said. "Aunt Sunset was very sparing in what she released to the Archives. It's all high-level and very little detail. Celestia was right; in those final days, she was very calculating. I found evidence of where she withdrew papers from the Archive, probably to destroy them along with the rest of her notes."
Starlight sighed. "Wow, talk about burning your bridges. Literally."
Twilight frowned and slapped the pages she held to the table. "And that makes no sense!"
"Er, what?"
"Maybe I was really young, Starlight, but my memories now of Aunt Sunset are very clear, as if they had happened yesterday." She turned to face Starlight. "In a way, they did. They've been restored to me as I remembered them when I was young. I can't imagine she would destroy all knowledge of what she had accomplished!"
Starlight raised an eyebrow. "And you don't think you may be just a weensy bit biased?"
Twilight looked taken aback. "What are you talking about?"
"Listen to you. Ever since you got your memories back, you refer to her as 'Aunt Sunset' every time."
"Wait, what??" Twilight cried. "Why wouldn't I? She is my aunt!"
"I just thought you would act a little more removed from this considering what she did, and especially what she believed."
"Maybe I'm not entirely convinced about what she really believed!" Twilight shouted.
Starlight narrowed her eyes. "And you're not biased. Nope, not at all. Right."
"Listen to me, Starlight," said Twilight in a lower but no less urgent voice. "I've been going over in my head what she taught me. I realized something very important. Not once -- not once -- did she ever come out and say that ponies were better than other species."
"But you said that's what you got out of it," said Starlight.
"And maybe that's my fault and not hers. Maybe I misinterpreted what she was trying to tell me."
"All right, fine. What was she trying to tell you?"
Twilight paused. "I don't know yet."
"What about what Shining said?" said Starlight. "About Sunset praising the essay you wrote?"
"Yes, she started by praising it, but she was about to point out a flaw in it when Shining barged in and interrupted," Twilight said. "What if she was going to tell me that I had learned the wrong thing out of what she was teaching me?"
Starlight frowned. "I still think you're trying to gloss over what Sunset did."
"I am not glossing over it!" Twilight exclaimed. "What I question are her assumed motives. I'm not convinced that what she did was purely to spread pony hegemony across the planet."
"Does it really matter anymore?" Starlight asked. "The point is, she may be wreaking havoc on another world."
"It might still be important," said Twilight in a lower voice. "Knowing her true motivations could give us a clue as to what exactly she planned to do and what the end result would be." She sighed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Starlight. My emotions concerning Aunt Sunset are stronger than I thought they would be."
Starlight stepped up to her. "That was more what I was concerned about," she said in a less confrontational tone. "That your feelings might be affecting your judgment. I'd like to think we've been a good team up to this point. The last thing I want is something to mess that up."
Twilight smiled faintly. "You're doing what you should be doing, which is forcing me to see the bigger picture. But I'm going to have to ask you to trust me in this case when I say that I believe there's more here than meets the eye."
"Just so long as it doesn't distract you from figuring out how that portal works."
"It won't," said Twilight. "We're both going to start building that matrix first thing in the morning and start milking that portal for all the data its worth."
Celestia had left word with the Royal Guard that she would receive Shining Armor in her private suite as she had Cadance, only to be told upon his arrival that he preferred to see her in her throne room. The message was delivered just as she and Luna had finished dinner, and Celestia gave her sister a forlorn look.
"I would not say that this formality necessarily bodes well," said Luna delicately. "But nor would I jump to conclusions."
"He had been at Canterlot Court for some time," said Celestia in an even voice. "He knows how protocol can be manipulated to make a point or set the tone for discourse."
"Still, he is your nephew-in-law," said Luna. "And thus family. I am sure he has not lost sight of that point."
Celestia rose. "I can only hope. I apologize for cutting our time short, dear sister."
Luna shook her head. "This is more important. I wish you luck."
Celestia smiled faintly before turning away. Her thoughts returned to Shining and the wedding. It had taken some time for Shining to accept that, upon his marriage to Cadance, he was officially family, and thus protocol could be eased. Shining had not truly begun to accept that until he had retired from his position as Captain of the Guard to join Cadance in ruling the Crystal Empire, and even then it took the birth of Flurry Heart to really loosen him up.
When Celestia entered the throne room and saw Shining standing practically at attention, she felt as if time had suddenly rewound. His eyes were set hard, a small frown on his muzzle, and Celestia had no idea what he could be thinking.
Celestia took a chance that Shining would not insist this be conducted as a formal audience. She bypassed sitting upon the throne to accept his greeting and approached him instead. If this had perturbed him in any way, he didn't show it, maintaining that stoic air that had served him well in the Royal Guard.
Celestia stopped when Shining dropped into a bow, which he thankfully held for only a few seconds before rising to his hooves again. "Princess," he said in a clipped voice.
Celestia managed a smile. "It is good to see you again, Shining Armor, despite the circumstances."
Her attempt to set a more casual atmosphere was met initially by stony silence, which made Celestia feel only all that much more uncomfortable. Shining finally took a deep breath and said, "I apologize for not seeing you sooner, but ... to be honest, I'm still at a loss."
Celestia slowly nodded. "I think I understand."
"I'm not sure that you do."
Celestia paused. "Then please, Shining, enlighten me. I wish to understand what everypony is thinking."
"I've been going over this in my head all day," said Shining. "And all I did was run in circles. Only after talking to my father did I really start to make sense of anything. Cady finally prodded me into seeing you, thinking that we need to talk this out."
"Which I am perfectly willing to do."
"Yes, but I'm not sure I am!"
Celestia was silent for a long moment. "I fear I do not follow."
Shining started to pace the width of the throne room. "When I was in the Royal Guard, I swore an oath of absolute loyalty to you. I would do anything and everything to protect you, regardless of your policies or your decisions."
"Yes, and you performed your duties admirably."
Shining stopped and turned towards her, frowning. "With all due respect, Princess, I was not looking for accolades."
"My apologies," said Celestia in a soft voice. "Please, continue."
"When Cady expressed concern over this mess, I had told her that there were many secrets in Canterlot," said Shining. "And if I were not told those secrets, there was a reason for it. It did not -- and should not -- stop me from carrying out my duties. I believed that with all my heart back then."
"And what do you believe now, Shining?" Celestia asked.
"I don't know!" Shining exclaimed. "That's the problem! Ever since I got here, I've been saying that maybe what you did was for the best considering the alternative. I keep telling myself that's a practical approach. But is that my real reason? Or am I just falling back into the role of a loyal guardspony, never questioning your decisions simply because it's not my place to question them?!"
Shining's voice had slowly risen to a shout, and his last words echoed for a second. Celestia uttered a soft sigh and cast her gaze downward. "I'm sorry this has caused you such pain, Shining."
"Do you even understand what kind of pain?" Shining cried. "After I was freed from Chrysalis' control, I vowed never to let that happen again. I would never let my mind be messed with again. And now I don't know if I can trust my own head anymore! Is there anything else that's lurking in my mind that I don't know about yet?"
"I can assure you, Shining, there is nothing more that is suppressed. I removed--"
"Yes, you removed your spell," Shining snapped. "But now I'm having to question the sanctity of my own thoughts all over again. I went through this for months after Chrysalis, I didn't want to do it again!"
Celestia took a deep breath. "Shining, Twilight's friend Starlight Glimmer has unparalleled knowledge of mind magicks. She would be more than happy to ease your fears that--"
"You're missing the point!" Shining shouted.
Celestia fell silent.
"You can have every mage in Canterlot examine me and tell me my mind is untouched, and it won't mean a thing to me. It's not a case of whether I really have something lurking in my head, it's my own attitude towards it. You ... this is making me admit to a failing that I don't want to acknowledge."
"Shining, feel free to blame me for this," Celestia declared.
"You don't understand, Princess," Shining said. "That's the last thing I can do right now."
"I-I don't understand."
Shining took a step forward. "I need a way to deal with this. I need a way to stop questioning every thought or feeling that enters my head. It's not a matter of right and wrong, it's a matter of remaining strong for my family. It's my duty."
Celestia remained silent, her eyes glistening.
"And I have a duty to you as well, Princess."
Celestia swallowed. "Y-you have no duty to me any longer, Shining Armor."
"But I do," said Shining. "I have to. I must accept your decisions and actions. I must not question them. Not now. Maybe not ever, I don't know."
Celestia's throat tightened too much for her to speak.
"Please understand me, Princess. I don't blame you. I can't. I don't know what went through your head when you made your decisions, and it can't be my place to ask right now."
"Th-that's not ..." Celestia croaked. "I ... i-it's not about blame. I just don't want to see you like this."
"I'm sorry, Princess," said Shining in a low voice. "I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm not trying to punish you. This is for myself, not you. I can't let anypony down. Especially not myself."
Shining Armor turned and headed out of the throne room. A pony who had been a close member of the family now seemed even more distant than he had been the very first time he had come into an audience with her after becoming Captain of the Guard.
The doors closed silently behind Shining. Celestia lowered her head and wept softly.