//------------------------------// // Floyd In: The Town That Dreaded Sunrise Part 3 // Story: My Name Is Floyd Damn You! // by Grey Ghost //------------------------------// “Don't you guys know this is too Jewish?!” I struggle uselessly as they tie my arms to the boards. Yes, I have been tied to a cross. No, I do do not have nails in me, thank fuck. Blue and Jay are on either side of me, also crucified. “You can rattle off nonsense all you want.” The cult leader grins up at me, making me want to kick his teeth in. He waits for his minions to sit down, placing his hooves on the strange pyramid. “My fellow children!” The crowd focuses their attention on him, the whole room going silent. I curse under my breath, feeling so utterly stupid. Why did I drag us here? Was I really that far up my own ass with self-pity that I’d rather get us all killed? There's a dark thought, if I die again as a pony, do I get reincarnated as a human again? I shake my head, growling at my lack of focus. Knock it off, Floyd. Enough with the self-pity, enough with the guilt. Enough with everything. You need to get out of this. Not just for you, but for everyone. The priest taps the sides of the pyramid, obviously in some sort of code. I shiver as the room crackles with energy, and meanwhile glowing symbols appear on the object. “Since the founding of this village over a hundred years ago,” the priest begins, resting his hooves on the table. His voice is almost hypnotizing, having a certain... charm to it. “We have prayed to our lord, for deliverance. That he would come and bring us paradise.” I turn my head to the left, frowning at a still struggling Blue. His mane is dishevelled, his horn...ringed I guess, his coat stained with sweat. I take a deep, calming breath, letting the building guilt bleed out of me. “Hey Blue,” I speak softly, not wanting to interrupt the villain speech, if only to avoid getting punished. “I’m sorry I got us into this mess. We shouldn’t have even come on this trip. I should have just stayed in Ponyville and seen a psychiatrist.” He pauses in his struggles, giving me an odd look. “My dear lady, save the apologies for when we aren’t in danger. We can talk about your mental health later.” I nod, glancing between my own bound limbs. You’d figure since equine legs end in hooves, one could just pull their limbs free, but uh, no such luck I’m afraid. I glance at my right hoof in thought before an idea occurs to me. “Hey...” I gaze up at my head, shaking my mane as much as possible. “Q! Wake up you adorable cat snake.” The curly pink mass shakes a little, and Q pops his head out. “There you are. Be a bro and chew through these ropes will ya?” I move my eyes, getting him to look at one. He tilts his head, dooking a few times. Without needing any further encouragement, Q climbs along my left arm, getting to work. I glance at the priest, feeling adrenaline surging through my veins. God, I haven’t been this worked up since the barn burned down. “Don’t get too worked up, Floyd.” Pinkie sticks her head out of the wall, right next to mine, like some kinda hunting trophy. “Maud’s Maud sense has probably been going off since we got captured. She’ll be here lickity split.” Wait, Maud has a ‘Maud Sense’? “Yuppers! Everyone in the family has one except for Ma.” She moves her arm through the wall, rubbing her chin. “I wonder when you’ll develop Floyd sense...” A sudden slackness in my left arm tugs at my attention and I let it drop to my side. “Good boy Q,” I whisper, feeling him climb to my other arm. “Wait!” I hiss, a thought occurring to me.”Do my legs next, otherwise I faceplant on the floor.” Q dooks in acknowledgement, popping into my hair and crawling out of my tail. Resting my arm for just a moment, I raise it back into place, hoping none of the audience noticed. The moments tick by like those few moments in class right before summer break. Pinkie has the decency to keep quiet and not prattle on. “I do not prattle,” she huffed, pouting. Hush, I’m narrating. I blink at the thought, shaking my head. Q makes short work of the bindings on my legs, leaving me hanging by my right arm. I grit my teeth, feeling like it was going to pop out of its socket. “Q, hurry the hell up, my arm is in serious pain right now,” I hiss, kicking my feet uselessly. I feel like a little worm on a big fucking hook. This must be what Shaggy and Scooby feel like whenever they have to be bait. My connection with the cross is suddenly cut and after a moment of hang time, I land on my ass. Fortunately, the tail cushions the fall. “Okay, now untie us.” Blue motions to Jason, who looks utterly terrified. Right okay, time to be a hero. Hearing my thoughts, Pinkie starts to sing that Bonnie Tyler hero tune, which, admittedly, boosts my speed. A quick rummage in the mane nets me a... bonesaw? Okay, that's overkill but whatever. A quick combo of Q and myself gets Blue free, the look on his face when we get the ring off is such genuine relief, it makes me feel better. After a moment to get the feeling back in his limbs, we trot over to Jason. “Hey Blue,” I begin, suddenly overcome with a sense of dread. It’s like... impending doom or something. He turns his head, horn ablaze. “Yes, Floyd?” “When did it go quiet?” He goes pale, quite the feat for someone who's whiter than wonder bread. Blue starts to turn his head, only for me to stop him. I mouth ‘don’t turn around’ to him, which he returns with a panicked one of his own. Pinkie. “Yeah?” They’ve noticed us haven’t they? “Oh yeah, they’re all just staring at you guys.” Geez Pinkie, don’t get too worried. It’s not like we’re in the clutches of an evil cult. Wait... “Floyd.” Blueblood nudges me, drawing my attention to him. “This is no time to get sidetracked by Ms. Pie. We’re in serious danger!” “Yeah I know that Blueblood, I’m not an idiot.” I resist the urge to look back, keeping my eyes trained on Blueblood. “Okay so, I have an idea, even if it sounds insane.” “If it gets me off this thing, I’ll take it,” Jay cuts in. We glance up at the trapped changeling then at each other. I can tell Blueblood is hesitant to listen, seeing as how I got us into this mess. I give him a reassuring smile, resisting the urge to look over my shoulder. Blueblood sighs, nodding his head. “Go on, what is it? Another shortcut? Maybe this one can take us to a dragon's lair. I’ve always wanted to be a marshmallow.” I snicker at the image, putting a hoof on his shoulder. “No, we’re not going through another crack in reality, Bluey. We’re just not going to turn around.” Blueblood arches his eyebrows looking at me like I said his mother was a bug or something. “Floyd, there is a violent cult behind us. We have to turn around to, you know, confront them.” I shake my head vigorously. “No way! If we don’t turn around or acknowledge them, the plot can’t advance. And if the plot can’t advance, then we’ll be just fine.” “Plot?!” he barks, grabbing my head. “Ms.Floyd, this is not a movie. We are in real danger. We can’t just ignore it.” He lets go, lighting his horn up. “You work on getting your cousin down, I’ll-” I cut him off, grabbing his head this time. “They haven’t gotten us so far Blue, and they’ve seen us for at least a few minutes. I’m telling you, if we don’t turn around we’ll be fine.” You know, if I am right, is it like a Schrodinger's Cat situation back there? Do they not exist, and exist at the same time? “Well, I’m certainly looking at them, so they do exist,” Pinkie chims in. “They look more confused than anything.” “See?” Blueblood pulls himself away, fixing his mane. Bet he wants to leave a good looking corpse. “That confusion isn’t going to last forever. We have to get-” He pauses and looks up at Jason. “What was your name again?” “Jason,” came the strained reply. “Ah yes thank you.” Blueblood returns his focus to me. “We have to get Jason down and then escape. I understand that Ms. Pie is... different, but I need you to ignore those impulses and make logical decisions.” Pinkie strides over to him, making him recoil as she puts her face in his. Literally. “I am not crazy.” Blueblood gulps, putting his arms up pleadingly as he recoils. “I didn’t say you were Ms. Pie, only that not all your ideas apply to the regular world. “Okay, enough.” I grab my saw, cutting Jason’s legs free. “Just standing here isn’t getting us anywhere. Let's get Jay down and whatever happens, happens. Deal?” Blueblood nods, and we being working on getting Jay down. I hear a snort and the stomping of a hoof. “I’m done with your idiocy.” A tickle of magic passes over me and the next thing I know, I’m thrown sailing into the air. For the second time today, I get tossed to the floor, only this time, instead of Blueblood landing on top of me, I have cultists dogpiling me. I glance to either side of me, seeing Jay and Blue in the same situation. “Now then.” The priest taps the pyramid again, causing the object to shift around. The top few inches split open, unleashing a strange mist pouring out of it. “Oh great one, Sh”rk’Moil, hear your children’s plea. We have long sought a way to release you from your prison, and we have finally found it. Come! Come bathe this unworthy world in your sublime light!” My ears pin to my head, and I watch as a pillar of light emits from the opening. Lightning crackles overhead, and the light from the windows is suddenly cut off. So, Cthulhu. Great. Lovely. I take a deep breath, pushing away my fears. I got us into this, I can get us out. Somehow. A horrible screeching sound fills the air and I grit my teeth. Jesus, better hearing is not without its drawbacks. A few of the cultists gasp, especially when several dark shapes burst through the windows. “Get. Off. My. Sister.” Maud! A sense of relief surges through me, even if the tone of her voice sends a shiver down my spine. I don’t think I’ve ever heard such cold fury in someone's voice before, not even my own when I freaked out in Our Town. “Aye, release your captives at once!” Luna’s voice booms through the cathedral. “In the name of Equestria, you are all under arrest. Come quietly and you will not be harmed!” Alright Floyd, time to shine. Forget about all the baggage. Just focus on kicking ass. Letting my mind open, I slip out from under my captors, releasing a breath I had been holding for at least a minute. A quick survey of the room shines some light on the situation. Luna and Maud are at the door, though of the two of them, only Luna bothered to put armor on. It matches the color of the ink splotch on her ass, like an inverse Nightmare Moon. Strix hover above, pointing pony-friendly crossbows down at them. The priest lets out a growl of frustration, tossing away his robes. “We cannot let Lord Somber Shield’s work end in vain. My brothers and sisters, let us show the moon who truly rules the night!” A cheer goes up through the cult, and many a robe is tossed away. Coats darken, ears become tufted, and molars become fangs. In the remaining light of the candles, their eyes shine, like unseen predators. “Vamponies,” Luna spits, the word sounding profane on her tongue. “Demons, the lot of you! Strike true and quick my ponies!” On their liege’s command, the Strix dive towards the cultists, spear and fang at the ready. The cultists respond in kind, meeting their nocturnal brethren in the sky and on the ground. I feel like I should take a moment to explain our surroundings a bit. At the front of the cathedral are a massive set of wooden doors, which Luna and Maud have basically beaten to splinters. From the door, a red carpet runs up the center of the building, on either side of which are rows of pews. A pillar caps off the end of each row of pews, sporting more triangle symbols on their stone work. The windows, which, like I said, have been shattered, had from what I could tell lots of tentacle imagery. To end it all, the red carpet ends at the back of the building, where the priest sits behind a podium, the crosses set up against the wall behind him. Returning to reality, it kinda feels like I hit unpause on a movie or game, the world goes back into motion, the sounds of fighting reaching my ears. Okay Pinkie, let’s kick some ass! “And we’re all outta gum!” She poses next to me, wearing a pair of shades. We share a snort, and begin to take action. “Ooh... get a gong out!” Ooh, I think I know where you’re going with this. Letting... whatever the hell powers Pinkie take over, I reach behind me, pulling out a gong. We grin like cheshire cats, and I give it a good bucking. Okay, ow!! I regret this decision! Pain reverberates through my ears, and my former captors, previously unaware of my escape, are now perfectly aware of it. Pinkie, new plan! I dive out of the way as one of them lunges at me, hissing like a snake. “Okay, okay, that one was double edged,” she admits, her own ears pinned to her head. “Roll to your left and then kick your back left leg out!” I do as Pinkie commands, barely escaping as a cultist lands just where I had been. I kick my leg out, catching them on the knee. I wince, hearing a sickly crack. “Bitch!” the cultist seethes, leaning to one side and nursing a fresh limp. “That's no way to talk to a lady.” A bolt of bright cyan magic streaks by, knocking the vampony into a pew. I turn to see Blueblood striking a pose. A small giggle escapes my lips, god he’s such a dork. “Are you alright Ms. Floyd?” I pick myself up off the floor, brushing off my chest. “Yeah, I’m fine Bluey. And please, either call me Floyd or Ms. Floyd, don’t keep flip-flopping on it.” He blinks, dropping his pose. “Er, yes right...” With a cough, he lights his horn again, standing in front of me. “I shall protect you from these ruffians.” “Not if Maud beats you to it,” I counter, pointing out the universe's most protective sister. Maud is currently beating the ever loving hell out of at least a dozen vamponies. May Faust have mercy on their souls. “Holy shit!” I exclaim, a realization dawning on me. “Jay!” I whip my head around, trying to find the poor guy in all the fighting. I spot him hiding under one of the remaining intact pews. I leap over Blueblood, darting into the fighting. I juke and jive, and by the time I make it over there, I’ve collected quite the number of cuts and bruises. I’m still not as good as Pinkie is when it comes to this sorta thing. “Jay.” I lean down, peering at him. “Come on, I know you’ve been in a cell for who knows how long, but, since when have you been a coward?” Jay snorts, crawling out of hiding. “I’m not a coward.” “Good then we can-” “Floyd! Look out, that guy's got an axe!” I hear Pinkie shout from behind me. I glance over my shoulder, fear running through my veins. Behind me is a tall earth pony, what looks like an executioner's axe gripped in his hooves. I react with every bit of Pinkness I can muster. Time seems to stand still as I dive on top of Jason, putting as much of myself over him as I can. Oh god Pinkie, forgive me, I’m being selfish, but I can’t let Jay die. “I understand,” Pinkie chirps like nothing extreme is going on. What? That's it? We’re going to die and that's the best you got? “Oh silly filly, we’re not going to die. Just look.” I crack an eye open, gazing up at our would-be murderer. Maud stands over me protectively, the axe blade between her teeth. The vampony grunts, trying to wrench his weapon free. A crunch fills the air as Maud bites down, shattering the blade. “W-what are you!?” the vampony demands, stumbling back, eyes wide with fear. Maud chews the bite of metal around in her mouth, then spits it out. The chunk smacks into the guy’s head, and he drops like a sack of bricks. “I’m a big sister,” Maud replies impassively, turning her gaze to me. I give her a smile, climbing off of Jay. “Who is that?” she asks, glancing at the disoriented changeling. “Bit of a story.” I help Jay up, making sure he could stand on his own. “This is my cousin, my formerly human cousin, Jason. Jay, this is my new big sister, Maud.” “This place just keeps getting weirder...” Jason groans, shaking his head. “Shouldn’t we be getting out of here? I’d prefer not to starve again.” I nod, taking scope of the situation. Most of the vamponies seem to be taken out, with the remaining few putting up a last stand. The priest has surrounded his podium with some kind of shield. Luna is currently hammering away at it, wielding a big ass warhammer in her magic. Dull thuds echo through the cathedral as she slams it into the shield. “Floyd...” Pinkie speaks up, her voice quivering. “I’m getting a bad feeling... Like... something really bad is about to happen...” “Right.” I grab Jason, pushing him towards Maud. “I’m gonna find Blue and get out of here. Maud, I know you want to keep us safe but please, I need you to make sure Jay gets out.” Maud looks at me critically, putting her arm on Jay’s back. “Okay.” Without another word, she tosses him over her shoulder, ignoring his protests. “I’ll meet you outside.” “Right.” I turn, scanning my eyes over the fighting. Where the hell are you Blue? You better not have gotten yourself killed... I gallop over to the spot I last saw him, getting a little desperate. “Blueblood!!” I shout, barely audible over the fighting. A gasp erupts from my throat, as I spot a swath of blonde mane from behind a broken pew. I dart over, heaving it off him. A wave of relief washes over me as I find Blueblood, laying on the ground, sporting a considerable black eye. He mumbles a little, his legs twitching. “Wow, he’s got one heck of a shiner,” Pinkie comments, peering in close, nearly pressing her face against his. “He’s going to be so bad. Just imagine all the gossip that's gonna come up.” Yeah well, that's really his- A loud boom crashes over me, and the walls are bathed in a sickly green light. I whip my head around to see that the priest has finished whatever the hell he’s doing. A purple vortex rages out of the open pyramid, emitting the green light. “Ponies!” Luna’s voice calls out, slipping into the Royal Canterlot Voice. “Flee quickly! Keep your eyes forward and don’t look back!” The night guards hesitate only a moment before heeding their lady’s call, swiftly fleeing the way they came. “Pinkie, we’re kinda crazy right?” I ask, eyes locking onto the piece of wood I had moved off of Blue. “Yeah, why?” “Because I think something horrible is going to come outta that.” I grab the wood, dragging it back over Blueblood. “Okay, okay that should keep him safe...” I turn, galloping over to Luna. “Hey, Inkass, please tell me you know what's going on.” Whether she actually heard it or not, Luna ignores the name. “He’s summoning the vampony lord, Sh”rk’Moil.” “That sounds really bad.” The priest laughs, bathed in the eldritch glow, his fangs on full display. “Come to us mi’lord! Reclaim the night for your children!!” As if beckoned by his call, a figure bursts forth out of the vortex. It’s... god, I can’t describe it, and that's not because I don’t understand what I’m looking at. I see the damn thing just fine, but there’s just... no words to describe it. Best I can come up with is that, it’s vaguely batlike. Only with too many ears, too few eyes, and at least a dozen sets of... wings? “Yeah, those are wings alright,” Pinkie agrees, staring in awe. “Ooh, I bet Sh’’rk’Moil would make a great boss in Bloodborne!” Pinkie, focus for once, will ya? “Floyd, you need to get out of here,” Luna implores, lifting her hammer. “You seem to be unaffected by its visage, but you have to get out of-” She throws up a barrier, just in time to block a magic bolt from the priest. “My lord, I give you a most grand sacrifice,” he preaches, extending his arms up to the beast. “The so called Princess of the Night herself.” Sh”rk makes a sound I can’t begin to articulate, leaping at Luna. With the two heavy hitters busy, the priest turns to me. “I must thank you. While you have been nothing but a nuisance, you have brought us the perfect meal for our master.” I growl at him, glancing from side to side. Vamponies lift themselves off the ground, stalking their way towards me. The priest smiles, licking his fangs. “You shall be rewarded. You will become one of us, and revel in the glory of our lord.” I step back, feeling the adrenaline coursing through me again. Imagine that will ya? Vampire Pinkie Pie. Doesn’t sound as adorable as Flutterbat, to be honest. Pinkie squees, bringing her hooves to her mouth. “Flutterbat was so scary cute~ like Spooky from that game we played!” Please focus. “Sorry!” Pinkie puts a soldier's helmet on her head, a dead serious look on her face. Let's do this. I relinquish control to the Pinkness. I dodge and weave through their attempts to grab me, giggling my head off all the while. “You’re doing it, Floyd!” Pinkie cheers, her serious attire replaced by a cheerleader’s outfit. “Damn right I am!” I shout, leapfrogging over a mare, snorting as she gets dogpiled by her friends. “I should have done this way sooner!” I glance over my shoulder to see that Luna has dropped her hammer, using summoned weapons to keep the bat lord away. “Hey, I got an idea.” “What?” “I can use Luna’s hammer to smash that weird pyramid thing. That might hurt that thing.” As I duck under another vampony, I search the room for the discarded weapon. I spot it with a huge grin, making a mad run for it. The vamponies do another run at me, though if they're aware of my plan or not, I have no idea. I reach it and with a heave, raise it off the ground. God this thing is fucking heavy. The priest seems to really, really, hate this. “Get her you idiots! Do not disappoint our lord on the eve of his victory!” With renewed tenacity, they up their assault, firing bolts of magic and gusts of wind at me. Bearing the weight of the hammer, I sloppily dance through them. A stray bolt catches me in the back, knocking me into the podium. The hammer drops with a thud, marking the site of the blow. “Now, be a good girl.” The priest trots up to me, eyes locked on my neck. Despite my hopeless situation, I smirk at him. “Yeah, how about no.” I elbow the podium, holding my arms out, catching the pyramid. Gah! The vortex ravages my face and I quickly turn it towards him. The blast of energy knocks him into his followers, leaving me to mess with the stupid thing. “Come on, come on, there was to be an off switch!” My hoof presses a glowing squiggle, causing the vortex to pause. A moment later it begins to move again, only this time in reverse. I aim it towards Luna, eyes wide as various objects are sucked in. “Luna! Throw his ass in!” Luna hurls a pew at the beast, turning her gaze my way. “Aye! Let us banish this monstrosity once more!” Movement to my left catches my attention and I point the souped up vacuum in that direction. A few vamponies curse and swear at me, getting pulled in. I shield my eyes, not wanting to see how they get through that tiny opening. “Floyd, now!” Luna shouts. I snap my head back to her, repositioning the vortex. Shrr’’k’moil makes another charge at Luna, which she greets with a buck to the face. Seeing it come flying towards me, I thrust the pyramid out, squeezing my eyes shut. It lets out the most horrible sound I’ve ever heard and the impact sends me tumbling. Daring to peek out, I’m greeted by the sight of the thing half in its prison. It screeches and flails, desperate to avoid imprisonment again. A sickening slurping sound fills the air and with a loud *pop*, Shrr’’k is pulled in. The pyramid shifts colors rapidly, and the vortex starts to get violent. I drop to the floor, barely avoiding the podium. It flies into the cyclone, disappearing into its depths. “Luna, grab Blueblood!” I shout, scrambling on my hooves as the ground slips away under me. Around and around I go, my sense of direction going haywire. Oh shit! I feel a jolt of pain course through me as I collide headfirst into a pillar. I blink my eyes a few times, vaguely aware that I was getting closer to the pyramid. Suddenly, I’m dropped to the ground just inches from it, my vision flickering out. A trickle of blood falls into my eye and the world fades. “Shale! Come out and help us with the chores!” Ma Pie calls. I’d answer but, I’m... myself. I look down, seeing my newly feminized human form. I don’t... what? She didn’t look at me when she said that... Okay, let’s stop and think for a moment. I whacked a pillar and passed out. Now, I’m in a Shale dream, but I’m still me, standing out here in the field. The Pies are working around me, though I don’t think they can see me... I gaze up at the house, already moving towards it. There has to be something, anything. This stuff is going to make me lose my damn mind! As I reach out to open the front door, someone beats me to it. I cast a glance downward, freezing when I see Shale staring back up at me. We stand there for a few moments, neither of us making a sound. Shale recovers first, giving me a guilty look. “I was wondering when you’d catch me.” I ask the only thing that can possibly explain my feelings. “The fuck?”