Jeff's Equine Misadventure

by Jeff Belinger

Return home

It had a week days since Jeff arrived. Jeff had participated in the various activities of the various ponies in town. His first day after arriving was spent helping Applejack on her farm collecting apples. Jeff had taken care of plants before, but not trees or animals since most animals in the Wasteland were feral and savage. Jeff made mistakes here and there that only served to bruise his ego, and stain some clothes, but nothing too damaging was done to him.

On his second day, Jeff went to Rarity's boutique, at first he wasn't sure what was going to happen, but it quickly became clear he was going to serve as a model for Rarity's men's line of clothing. Jeff wasn't alone however, Big Macintosh, whom he had met the day before, was also there to also serve as a model since both of them were rather large men in the taller, buffer end of things. The two of them shared a common disliking to what was taking place and both silently agreed they'd definitively never do this again.

On his third day, Jeff was asked to come spend some time at Fluttershy's cottage. On arrival there he was met with a large gathering of wild animals like the which he'd never seen before. All of them were friendly to Jeff, something he had a hard time understanding. When Jeff realized that Fluttershy could actually communicate with these creatures, Jeff went from impressed to confused. She could talk to the animals like they were another person, each of them with a different personality. When Jeff thought he had seen it all, Jeff was met with a rather strange old man with white hair, a strange outfit and yellow and red eyes. This man floated above the ground, appeared out of nowhere and yet could break physics like it were nothing but putty to him. Discord was his name and he wasn't very impressed with Jeff. Discord gave him trouble for a while. When Jeff decided he had enough of Discord's shit, he pulled a gun out of his hammerspace inventory and threatened Discord to stop fucking with him unless he wanted to be made into pavement paint. Discord laughed but took the threat seriously and stopped messing with Jeff. Fluttershy scolded both of them and made them truce using her Stare.

On his Fourth day, Jeff went to the Sugar Cube Corner to help Pinkie Pie with an order she had gotten for a small birthday party that was going to happen the next day. Jeff was a decent cook, but he'd never made pastry before. Pinkie pie first explained how things worked and showed him by making a first batch of cupcakes, but Jeff didn't quite follow. Jeff explained he knew cooking was like an artistic science and from what he could see, pastry making was more science at first, and then art at the last part. Pinkie understood and changed into a lab coat and glasses with a nose and mustache and explained the fundamental basis of pastry making in detail. in roughly fifteen minutes, Jeff somehow mastered the art of pastry making and quickly went along at about the same pace as pinkie pie for the duration of the day. Jeff actually liked that day, it was productive and interesting.

On his fifth day, He went to see Rainbow Dash who wanted to spend her time relaxing on her cloud. As Jeff couldn't exactly do that, he convinced her to bring her cloud somewhere closer to the ground and asked her about what she usually does around town. She answered that in the early morning she does weather team things like setting up the clouds, recording the pressure in the atmosphere and order more clouds from Cloudsdale. Jeff was satisfied with the answer, but he wanted to know if there was anything they could do for a part of the day. Rainbow Dash had the idea of introducing him to the Daring Do books. Jeff read a part of the first book, but didn't exactly like the genre. She did have a book by Pram Stoker called Pracula. Jeff had read the original book by Bram Stoker's Dracula on Earth, but he was intrigued by the Equine version and decided to read it.

On his Sixth day, Jeff decided to spend some time with Twilight and Starlight. He wanted to know more about magic, although he couldn't do any of it. Twilight and Starlight showed him the principles and basics of magic, essentially a one-oh-one course. Jeff made parallels between the magic of this universe and the science from his home and Twilight was curious about that. Although Jeff wasn't the biggest science expert, he did know about ballistic physics, engineering and a bit of medical sciences. Jeff showed them the how to make the various types of Stimpacks using nothing but common plants and sterile syringes. Jeff explained to them how Stimpacks essentially served as a booster to the body's natural healing process, making the body regenerate on its own faster. Twilight and Starlight took note of this and decided to send a proper document to the Surgeon General of Equestria.

On the morning of the seventh day, Jeff was woken up quite drastically to the panicking sounds of Twilight, Starlight and Spike yell at something. Jeff took his M249 SAW and went to the library, where the noise was coming from. Jeff saw a squad of power armored people holding M60s. Twilight and Starlight were inside of a magical dome protecting them from any harm, but it wouldn't last long against the power of focused M60 fire.

"WHERE IS HE", Elias yelled at the two ponies.

"I'm here Elias, these ponies have been taking care of me for a week straight, don't harm them", Jeff said.

"Hold your fire men", elias said to his squad. "Jeff get back over here right now".

"Just hold on Elias, I'm fine, stop threatening these girls".

"Jeff just get over here now and we can fuck off of this place", Elias insisted.

"ELIAS FOR FUCK'S SAKE CALM YOUR SHIT AND LISTEN TO ME. These people, these ponies, as they call themselves, they are literally the friendliest, most harmless being in existence, there's nothing dangerous about them at all, whatsoever, just come look at the outside and you'll see what I mean", Jeff told elias.

Elias ordered his men to hold the portal until he was back. Jeff lead him to the balcony he first admired the landscape on.

"Look at this Elias, a world free of radiation, of mutation, of any kind of harm done to anyone or anything. its beautiful, its bountyful, its just a world free of woes" Jeff explained.

"I see, well, we have to go back anyways because Price is waiting for us", Elias said sternly.

"Yea, I've been here a week and I already started feeling soft" Jeff complained

"A WEEK? you were gone for seven hours for us, we beat the raiders, most of them died, the rest retreated like dogs with their tails between their legs" Elias said proudly

"Seven hours? that's it, wow, the time dilation is too real." Jeff said aghast.

Elias and Jeff went back to the portal and Jeff turned towards Twilight and Starlight.

"I guess this is it girls, I'm going back home, thank you for your time and patience with me. hopefully maybe we'll see eachother again" Jeff said.

Jeff followed the troops back to the portal and went through, leaving Equestria.

Jeff, Elias and the rest of the Squad reappeared through the portal, closing behind them. Jeff sighed in relief that he was home, but also in sadness that he had to leave such a nice place.

"Status report elias" Price asked Elias.

"Package retrieved successfully without any kind of conflict", Elias reported.

"Good, now Jeff, you're going to be off duty for a while to recover from this experience", Leon told Jeff

"I don't need to sir, I've done all the resting I needed in that world. I'm ready to go back to my duties." Jeff told Leon.

"Alright then,. if you say so, God knows what you've been through."

"The worse I got was being messed with by a reality warper, think The Hatter but nicer and much less hallucinogenic gasses"

"That doesnt sound so bad then. Well, happy to have you back among us Jeff, and please, next time, dont equip your stuff in front of a portal", Leon scolded Jeff.