//------------------------------// // Epilogue // Story: Why No One Messes With Discord // by scion //------------------------------// Discord appeared in the throne room of Canterlot in a flash of light. “Oh Celestia, I’m ho-ome!” he called out cheerfully. “Discord, it is supposed to be night,” came the unhappy reply from the throne. Discord turned around to reveal that it was Luna, not Celestia, that sat upon the throne. Despite it being full daylight outside, high noon he had thought after he had finished his little errand. Believe it or not he was about to apologize, but then he saw exactly what his beautiful chaos had wrought upon her and simply had to give a few ironic chuckles. She looked regal as ever, with the exception of the annoyed frown she was giving him, but the fact of the matter was she was no longer exactly an alicorn. Her eyes were now golden with slit pupils, her horn had an almost scaly texture to it rather than standard horn, her ears had slight tufts on the ends and most importantly, her wings were now the leathery like a bat rather than feathered like a pegasus. She had become, in a word, the Bat Princess. Her annoyed frown deepened at his response. “If I recall correctly we sent you, as the only individual besides myself and my sister that could go, to aid in Shepard's attempt to re-take their homeworld and deploy the Crucible, destroying this Ascended menace once and for all. Not unleash your chaos upon the galaxy,” she said tightly, her speech showing the small fangs that she now had for canines. “Believe it or not, I am not to blame for this rather lovely chain of events,” Discord said innocently. Luna’s eyes narrowed at the glowing halo that appeared over his head. “And besides, how did you know this was affecting everyone?” “Dragon-fire mail from Mareius,” Luna answered curtly. “Though the only reason we know was because it came in on the secure line, blurted out a garbled message along with a number of rude swears before quite literally running away. Half Our Guard is attempting to corral it now, those that can still function as guards at least. Given that I have seen such things before, I know exactly who is to blame for this mess.” “Now now, Princess, calm down,” Discord placated. “Believe it or not, I really am speaking the truth here. I gave Shepard a choice, and this was the consequence. And it did destroy the Ascended, no need to thank me.” Luna raised an eyebrow, before opening her mouth and emitting a curious high-pitched chirp. Startled, she tried again, only to have the same thing happen. Her glare at Discord intensified. “Sorry, sorry,” he replied, snapping his fingers. This time when Luna opened her mouth, Equish came out instead of Battish. “I can hardly believe that this is what Shepard would choose. I will have to ask once the doctors are finished.” “Unfortunately, that will be for some time yet,” an unfamiliar baritone voice came. Discord whipped around, and gasped. Before him was a white alicorn, but a very different white alicorn than he usually saw. Celestia was long-legged, shapely, graceful and feminine in build with a mane and tail of bright colors. This alicorn was quite masculine; thick and strong without being overbuilt, larger than Celestia, a mane and tail of more aggressive flowing reds and oranges, and a rather smartly-trimmed beard of the same color. “Sister?” Luna asked a bit uncertainly. “Brother now, it appears,” he replied calmly. An eye turned to Discord, whose jaw was on the floor. Golden magic grasped Discord’s tongue and yanked hard, snapping it back into his mouth along with his jaw. “Shepard was rather gravely wounded, it will be some time before we will be able to talk. Though the doctors are now much more confident in their work, given that the chaos has changed Shepard into a pony,” Celestia, now Solaris, commented as he took a seat by his sister. A loud farting noise sounded throughout the empty chamber. Solaris’ eyes were wide beyond belief, his pupils pinpricks. Beside him, Luna’s eyes were wide as well, though her attitude quickly developed into snickers, then full blown laughter as Solaris turned red and cast the whoopie cushion that her throne pillow had become away. Far away. Discord grinned like a maniac. Gathering himself with as much dignity as he could muster, Solaris sat up straight as his sister’s laughter trailed off. “In the meantime, I would like to hear what you have to say on this matter, Discord,” he said in an even voice. Discord steepled his claw and paw thoughtfully. “Shepard would be best for most of the story,” he said slowly. “And I will not speak of it before then. Best hear it from, as they say, the horse's mouth. As for what has happened, well, Shepard made a choice, I happened to the Crucible, the Ascended were destroyed, and of course chaos has become the new normal as a side effect. And it won’t be going anywhere soon, no matter what anyone, even I, have to say on the matter.” Solaris and Luna sighed. “Look at it this way, Prince, Princess, it’s an opportunity to try new things for a little while,” Discord tried. “I must admit, I am looking forward to flying,” Luna replied, stretching out a leather wing and eying it curiously. “I just hope Equestria survives the next few years,” Solaris muttered as the Sun abruptly became a giant disco ball.