“Oof, be gentle!”
“You complain way too much for how hardcore you keep saying you are.”
“Being thrown into the atmoshpere and then falling back like a comet before making a crater in the garden of a crazy Celestiass fanatic who subsequently tried to stab and melt me gives me the right to complain as much as I want.”
“When you say it like that-”
“I’m back, commander.”
“Already harnessed to the cart, I see. I thought Start Trail wanted Puff to do it.”
“Puff is filling in the hole this changeling made.”
“How are you so Chrysalis-damn quiet with a freaking cart?!”
“Thestral talents.”
“Of what, hooves of jello? That wouldn’t even work when pulling the cart. You’re a unicorn, and you’re having fun at my expense. Ooooh, I see… mental torture, and you’re all in on it. I almost fell for your trick.”
“Commander, I think she maybe hit her head a little too hard?”
“I’d like to think this is temporary, yes, but I’m starting to have my doubts.”
“Hahaha, now that I’m onto you, you won’t get me again. I am as steady as a rock. My brain can resist mind control magic, and no amount of your silver tongue techniques will get anything from me. I am a changeling. We are the ones who fool and decieve.”
“Do you have the sheet, Bladehoof?”
“In the cart.”
“Did you just ignore me, pony?”
“The better I know you, the more I think that’ll be my survival strategy.”
“We’ll see who’s laughing when I’m laying eggs inside your br-mmhph!”
“Good throw, but we might need a thicker bedsheet, Bladehoof.”
“I’ll see what I can do, commander. Anything else?”
“No, let’s go before she or Star Trail try something stupid.”
“Don’t put me in the same bag as that maniac.”
“Stay under the blanket and be quiet. I don’t want a city-wide panic, and I’m sure you don’t want a mob with torches and pitchforks.”
“What, you ponies don’t have electricity in this butt of the world?”
“Alright, a mob with chainsaws and tasers.”
“Can you open the fence gate, commander? I’m not too agile with this much weight tethered to me.”
“Of course. Can you fit throu- yeah, you’re fine.”
“GOOD-BYE MISTER COM-MON CREST! GOOD-BYE MISS BLADE-HOOF! GOOD-BYE MISS ANGRY!”
“Bye, Puff!”
“See you later, Puff. Don’t forget the today’s practice.”
“That pony sounded a little… strange.”
“Say one bad thing about Puff and we’ll take you back to Star Trail.”
“I was just asking, geez.”
“Puff is a very nice stallion, albeit a little slow. He wants to be a policepony, and he’s physically more than capable, but- I’m doing it again, aren’t I?”
“Doing what?”
“Telling you information about ponies around you so that you’re less likely to make a mistake when attempting to escape.”
“I wasn’t- oh, right, you caught me again. Hahaha.”
“Damn it! Bladehoof, I think I might need to make you reposnsible for this change-”
“I believe you want to lower your voice, commander.”
“You’re right, you’re right.”
“Good afternoon, Common Crest, Bladehoof. What’s in the cart?”
“I’m a bag of potatoes!”
“Hey, it talks.”
“Bladehoof is just practicing her ventriloquism, miss Greenhouse.”
“Oh really? I had no idea she was this talented. It really sounded like the cart talking, a completely different voice and everything.”
“I’m a-”
“...torches and pitchforks...”
“-a batpony. I don’t sleep and I suuuuck bloooood. And maybe if he asks nicely even Crest’s d- OW!”
“You tripped on the sidewalk, poor thing. Come ot think of it, you do look positively exhausted.”
“I am fine, miss Greenhouse. In fact, commander Crest is giving me a paid evening off when we get to the station.”
“Our police chief is a big softie.”
“Cause no mare wants to make him ha-OW!”
“Are you sure about pulling that cart up the stairs? I know there’s just a few of those leading up to the door, but wouldn’t the back entrance be better?”
“Of course, miss Greenhouse. Bladehoof, push it back down and take it around the back.”
“Oh no no no-”
“Yes, commander.”
“Oh dam-OW!”
“I didn’t even see her mouth move.”
“She’s just THAT good, miss Greenhouse.”
“...mai heeedd...”
“Ehm, so as I said. We should head off. Have a nice day, miss Greenhouse.”
“I’ll stop by with some brownies later, Common Crest. That dear Palisade loves them.”
“...yeah, she even bakes some of her own...”
“Oh really? I should ask her for a recipe.”
“Aaaaand we’re already gone, miss Greenhouse. Bye!”
“Geeez, finally where nopony can see us. Bladehoof, can you-”
“Wzzhplh? I’M READY.”
“Did you just fall asleep while harnessed to the cart?”
“Only resting my eyes.”
“I’ll pretend I believe that. Now, I need you to take the changeling to the reinforced cell. Give her some- what do you changelings eat besides love?”
“What do you mean ‘besides love’?”
“You really can’t eat anything else?”
“Just give me some vegetables and I’ll see what I can do to you with them. Carrots or some big cucumbers.”
“...as long as you don’t do anything to yourself...”
“You’re the one to talk, blueballs.”
“Alright, that’s it! Just shove her into a cell, Bladehoof, and then get some rest. I’ll leave a note for Palisade to stay at the receptionist desk for the rest of the day.”
“Are you taking an afternoon off, commander?”
“Yes, I got a date.”
“You didn’t have to say that so loud, bluey. I can hear you juuust fine.”
“That can be changed...”
“Congratulations, commander. Mind if I ask with whom?”
“Pasta Plate’s daughter, Noodle.”
“Ooooh...”
“That didn’t sound reassuring. Do you have a problem with her, Bladehoof?”
“Not at all, commander. Enjoy your date.”
“And you your sleep. See you tomorrow. No need to salut- too late.”
“Protocol is important, commander.”
“Hey, batpony!”
“Yes… changeling?”
“Now that he’s gone. What’s wrong with this Noodle of his? Besides the obvious, heheheh.”
“There is nothing wrong with commander Crest’s ‘noodle’, bug. He is as much a stallion as any other. However, I usually patrol at night and Riverside isn’t the biggest city. Commander Crest wants something more than a one night stand, and from my observation Noodle does not.”
“But that just makes him more likely to have some fun, right?”
“Do you care, changeli- aaaaaugha?”
“Talking to you is my only way to pass time right now.”
“...”
“...”
“Batpony?”
“...”
“Bladehoof?”
“...”
“You’re hanging unconscious from the harness again, right? I can feel the cart tipping over.”
“...”
“Oh screw it, it’s warm in here. I may as well close my eyes for a moment.”
“...”
“Not that it makes any damn difference.”