//------------------------------//
// Zulu: The Danhattan Project 
// Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) 
// by Barrobroadcaster 
//------------------------------//

"Wow... that guy's a jerk," Gust said. He earned a glare from Dan for that remark. "Uhh, I mean... you know what I mean." He smiled innocently.

And Dan continued glaring at him. Until he finally said, "I'll pretend I didn't hear anything cute out of the chicken salad. I am going to my planning chamber. Where I SHALL COME UP... WITHA PLAN. That will save our butts," he announced, being loud to sound both confident and smart. "I'll come up with something!"

"We know you will," Twilight said, "but maybe you need some help with this one?"

"You're very good with plans, Dan," Phoenix added. "And you make sure we all know how to execute it. You assign everyone roles and make sure everyone knows their job, you even make sure what to do when something unexpected happens. Your skills at coordinating and planning are unmatched," the lawyer said. (Like Patton if he was an angry neighbor.)

Chrys and Fluffle cartoonishly slid to Dan's side. "Thpptth thppp thppp thbbbb thbbbth!" Nobody plans better than Dan!

The changeling queen held her boyfriendu tightly. "Mah man's the best. I bet you'd even be great at planning weddings," she said, dropping a hint like it was a nuclear bomb.

Dan patted her hooves wrapped around him. "Weddings, Bat Mitzvahs, reunions, those parties where everyone's wearing weird White Glove Society masks, I like to make sure they're... explosive." He turned around and left the bridge, Fluffle and Chrys still lovingly latched onto him like a pair of love-sucking parasites.

Spike watched them leave. "I miss Rarity..." the dragon muttered.

"I know how you feel," Twilight said, patting him on the shoulder. "At least Rarity didn't turn out to be gay."

"I just hope she turns up safe," Spike said. Twilight nodded with him.

"We have to focus on our own safety," Phoenix reminded them all. "Which means dealing with these zebras."

Wedge hovered over the current map of Equestria. "Twelve different engagements and we've barely even slowed down their advance," he said. "Czulkang Lah was tough when we fought him last time, but this," he shook his head. "He seems nearly invincible."

Twilight set their only spear and sword taken from their only prisoner. "We haven't even been able to capture any more of them. Our plan to un-brainwash them won't work if we can't at even attempt it."

Phoenix rubbed his chin, pacing. "We need to look at this another way. Maybe-"

Dan burst through the door to the bridge again. "I've got it! I know how we're gonna beat them!"

They all turned to him. "How's that?"

"We paint ourselves and dress up as zebras to infiltrate the legions! Then, when they camp-"

"We tried that," Twilight said. "Actually, Chrys did."

Chrys, love-gnawing Dan's ear, nodded. "That's true, hon. I changed into a zebra and tried to infiltrate their ranks, maybe to see if they captured the Blasties. But they discovered me. And my zebra is pretty good, too. I think they were able to sniff me out," she said.

Dan rubbed her muzzle as she and Fluffle nommed. "Did you try to plant explosives, listening devices and tracking beacons among them?" She nodded. "Aww, that's my girl. I appreciate the effort." Chrys squeed in response and made other happy girlfriend noises while her wings buzzed. "Alright, back to the drawing board," Dan announced, and walked out again.

"So we tried disguises, too," Phoenix said. "I thought that was one of our first go-to plans."

"It usually is," Twilight confirmed. "But it's a sneaky/offensivey plan. We usually go with those on the attack, but right now we're on defense."

"The worst fence of all to be on," Gust said. They all looked at him. "Sorry. I'm not being helpful, am I?"

Phoenix walked over to him. "You said back when we first met, when we were uh, 'interrogating' you, that Zen Zeal had a secret."

"OH yeah," Gust nodded. "Almost forgot about that rumor. Yeah, we used to run into refugees or survivors from Zeals' attacks. They usually bartered passage with us- some tried to trade information. They'd talk about how Zeal can't set foot on his own territory and had to keep conquering. Trapped in unending war, unable to go home," he said, his voice trickling into a foreboding echo. A silence followed.

"Hannibal," Phoenix said, thinking aloud.

Twilight nodded, rubbing her chin. "There's definitely some similarities."

"Another zebra general?" Gust asked.

Phoenix shook his head. "Not a zebra, a human from Carthage, a nation that no longer exists. Hannibal led his armies against the forces of Rome during the Second Punic War. He wasn't unbeatable, but his tactics allowed him to beat the Romans many times when they had superior numbers, superior training, or some other advantage. He led a campaign in Italy that nearly conquered Rome itself. He was finally beaten when Rome attacked Carthage, and forced him to return to defend his own country. After years of fighting in another country, he loses the battle close to home and the war ends."

"Sucks to be that guy," Gust remarked.

"That would definitely be a way to get him to return," Twilight said. They all looked at her, even Spike. "If we attacked the Zebra Kingdom, we could force Zeal to return home."

"That will not succeed," a voice from behind them said. They all looked up to see Zecora standing in the doorway. "If you are to defeat Zen Zeal... it is not an invasion, you must lead," she walked in to them, a mysterious air about her, as sometimes there was. But there was a confidence in her stride as well; Twilight, Edge, Chrys, Phoenix, Spike- they all noticed it. She approached the holographic display that hovered over the projector table in the middle of the bridge.

"Do you know something, Zecora?" Twilight asked. "Something about Zen Zeal?"

"Woah. We're under attack by zebras and we just NOW get the idea to ask the only zebra we know?" Gust asks. Zecora lowered her head a bit at that remark.

"Why would she know something just because she's a zebra?" Spike asked.

Gust's beak drooped. "Oh... crap. Was that something that was... xenomorphic or racist or whatever?"

"Xenophobic," Phoenix corrected. (And yes. Yes it was.)

"Yeah, that." No one noticed Zecora biting her lip.

"Not all the zebras are fanatics," Twilight said, walking up to her zebra friend. "Zecora is just like our other friends. She knows what we're going through."

Zecora continued to look nervous.

Twilight rubbed her shoulders. "She'd tell us if she knew anything. Right?"

"Enough!" she suddenly burst out. "Please, this is something I cannot stand." She stepped away from the table.

"What's wrong?"

She lowered her head. "None of this has transpired as I had planned."

"Zecora..." Twilight reached out to her again. "What's wrong?"

The zebra inhaled and exhaled. Then turned to face them. "I... was reluctant to help you against Zen Zeal. But please... you must understand. For you, he is foe. But to me..." she looked at the map again. "He is my husband."

And their jaws hit the deck like the roof was burning. "Oh, buck me."

"HA!" Gust pointed. "I called it! Xenomorphism was right for once!"

Phoenix petted the bird. "It's okay, Gust, we know what you mean. You'd probably be offensive if you weren't Sofa King-levels of stupid."

"D'awww," Gust blushed. "Thanks Nicko. That makes me feel better coming from a lawyer."

"No problem," Phoenix said, patting him. "Now give me my wallet back."

"Kay."

Possible racism aside, Zecora had indeed been hiding something from all of them. "Zen Zeal was a warrior. He has fought all of his life. He conquered so many nations... until I was asked to be his wife," Zecora said, looking at the map. There was a small collection of blue dots huddled east of Easy Junction that represented them. North, an army of red representing Zeal's forces marched south towards Appleloosa. Only Easy Junction stood between them and the town. "Zen Zeal and I are royalty. He was meant to leave the army when we were wed. But I knew... that was not what he really wanted. After we were married, I fled."

"You were married?" Twilight asked. "But you left him."

"Arranged marriage," Phoenix said. "Zen Zeal would have had to have given up his position in the army. He would've become a zebra-equivalent to an Equestrian noble or griffon statesman."

"Well yeah," Gust said. "But my country's different. I got married to the Defense Minister but they still let me be on the front lines."

(Gee, I wonder why.)

Zecora looked forward, as if staring into the past. "We promised to love each other, ever more. But Zen's words were empty; in his heart, there was only war. After the ceremony, I left my kingdom, never to return. In that time, I would have hoped Zen Zeal would have learned. But, too late I found out, that my husband would not rest. Without me at his side, he resumed his conquest," she said, and her head dipped low again. "Even worse, I found out that as soon as I'd departed... that was when Zen Zeal's armies had marched. It was when his campaign had restarted."

"That seems pretty retarded," Gust said, giggling. They glared at him. "I'm sorry. I'll stop now."

"Magatama, Gust."

"Kay," the griffon returned Phoenix's magatama.

"So this war, all of his wars since you married him... you think you could have stopped him?" Twilight asked. A single tear trickled down from the zebra's eye. "Zecora, it's okay. You couldn't have known he'd start campaigning again if you left."

"It seems like neither of you wanted to be married," Phoenix said. "It's clear Zen wanted to remain a general. He was still willing to relinquish command but... you'd have been trapped in a loveless marriage just to keep him from war. It's very noble of you to be willing to marry a warmonger to stop him from warring."

Twilight patted her. "That was very heroic, what you tried to do, Zecora. There's not many ponies who'd be willing to make that sacrifice."

Zecora still cried, but she smiled. "Thank you... it is all right. Thank you all... for your kind words. Especially-"

(Here it comes."

"You, Phoenix Wright," Zecora said softly. She held the human's hand. Phoenix's face lit up.

"You-you're welcome." (I just inner-squeed a little bit when she rhymed my name.)

"Question," Gust raised his claw, "what does him being married with you have to do with us invading the zebra kingdom?"

Zecora spun back to the map display. "If you attack the capital, you will face two armies instead of one. Zeal may be defeated, but the peace between zebra and pony will be undone. To truly beat my husband, you cannot answer war with war. To win this conflict, you must do something more."

"You already used that rhyme," Gust said.

Wedge rubbed his chin. "What if we faked an attack?" They all turned to the pegasus. "We used a trick like that at Borleias. We spread rumors of a fake super weapon made from some Y-Wings we had. It convinced Czulkang Lah, and his son, that there was a threat. It divided their attention at a crucial time and was one of the ways we were able to win."

"We don't have any super weapons though," Spike said.

But Twilight remembered something. "We have one."

"We do?" Gust asked. Out of the window and over his shoulder was Magic Gear Knight playing with Fluttershy, Derpy, Daring and Rainbow. Tuxley and Reginald were apparently trying to catch butterflies with them. "Where?" Gust asked.

"Guys!" Dan opened the door again. "I just came up with another plan!"

"Hey, so did we!" Gust said back. "You say yours first."

"Okay!" The human took the Fluffle Puff and rubbed a balloon on her really fast. "Watch this!"

"Watch wha-*gzzzapp* AAAHHH!" Gust exploded in a wave of static electricity.

"HAHAHAHA!" Dan laughed. "Nicky! Look! Teriyaki chicken."

"Eeeeuuuurrrrrrghhh..." Gust lay dazed and smoldering on the floor.

"So this is your plan?" Twilight asked. "You're gonna shock the zebras with Fluffle Puff?"

"Actually, no. I was just wanting to shock the chicken. I just found that out today!" Dan squeed, hugging Fluffle Puff.

"I hate... you... urrrrrrrgghh..."

"So what'd you guys come up with?" Dan asked casually.

"We're gonna nuke the zebras," Twilight responded.

"I like it!" Dan exclaimed. "Where do we get a nuke?"





Rainbow Dash and a team of pegasi carried the proto-Sword Spell from Fort Jerk to their current position. They used the railroad, no longer a monorail since the Enclave had been defeated. The pegasi pulled the Sword on a cart up to the griffon carrier, making it visible for all to see.

Gust had recovered by then and watched the pegasi bring the Sword. "Oooooh. Shiny."

"And potentially armed," Dan reminded them all. "You're sure you can reconfigure this thing without making it go off, right Twilight?"

She nodded. "I am. It's fundamentally similar to an explosive potion. We should be able to rewire it so it looks like a real Sword Spell but doesn't actually do any harm."

"That's good to know," Phoenix remarked. "A non-lethal nuke. That's definitely a first. The only thing left to do is..." They all turned slowly around. They could feel her coming before they saw her. Magic Gear Knight was very much a larger than life metal pony.

"Hey Knight," Daring said. "You finished with your nap?"

"Affirmative. Sleep mode disengaged. Unit Knight is currently on standby and awaiting orders."

"Awesome," Chrys remarked. "So yeah, sweetheart? We need to ask a favor."

The giant pony stood resolute over them, a stalwart protector. "Proceed."

"Okie de-dokie lokie," Chrys said, hovering over to the Sword Spell. "So Knighty? You remember this thing?"

She nodded. "Type R-81 Sword Spell Arcanist Annihilation Device. Degracite casing encapsulates volatile arcane energies under high pressure within their excited state. Forty-two hundred megaton yield."

"Wow... okay, I didn't know all of that," Chrys said.

Dan stood on the platform, leaning with one hand against the apocalyptic weapon. "Okay Peace Trotter, we need you to use this," he patted it, "to nuke the zeeb-dweebs. You think you can handle that?"

She nodded again. "Affirmative. Though, I require something before a launch."

"And what's that?" Chrys asked.

Knight clapped her hooves together innocently, causing a metal clang to ring out each time she did. "I want cupcakes!"

"Good idea," Dan said, hopping down. "Snack time before we Apocalypse Now the crap out of the zebras." And so, they had cupcakes and other snacks in the presence of a live nuclear bomb. Dan was chastised for getting cupcake-fingerprints on the bomb.