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// December 29 
// Story: Silver Glow's Journal 
// by Admiral Biscuit 
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December 29

I didn't sleep very well, even though I was with Meghan and Aric, 'cause my mind was heavy and I think maybe it's better when the end is sudden instead of taking time. Jesus said that you know not the day nor the hour but I knew both and I think that that was worse. Maybe it was better to have time to say goodbyes but what good was that if I didn't enjoy my last few days on Earth? And if I made Aric and Meghan sad, too.

I was too hot and then when I pushed the covers off and moved a little bit away from Meghan I was too cold and I kept moving around and I just couldn't get comfortable at all and it wasn't fair that they were both sleeping and I wasn't, and I wanted to wake them up and tell them that there wasn't much time left but that would be mean, so instead I got up and I went to the front window and looked out over the parking lot.

Parking lots were kind of strange, 'cause it always seemed like there was a lot of space that wasn't really used in most of them, and then they were empty a lot, too. When I was out flying in the morning they'd just be big empty fields of pavement, but then there was the one behind Trowbridge that never seemed to have enough spaces for all the cars that lived there, and the ones at Western were usually pretty full, too. And they always had lights on, even though the cars had their own lights and could see when they were on the road, so why did they have to have lights shining on them when they were parked?

That was something that we didn't have in Equestria, and it was going to be a strange thing to miss but I was going to.

Most of them had fairly square edges and sometimes little islands with gravel and stunted trees to break up the flatness and sameness of them and maybe to trip cars that weren't paying attention before they wandered out into the road, but there were some that tried to curve around and look more interesting. It didn't work, though, 'cause they all had the same regular lines in them for cars to park, and if it was too curvy then there were sometimes areas where you weren't allowed to park.

I could see Winston out the window, and I was going to miss it, too. There probably wasn't anything in Equestria that had the same smells or sounds at it did.

Then I remembered how its antifreeze had tasted and wrinkled my muzzle.

I dropped back to my hooves and thought about getting back in bed and sleeping but I knew it wasn't going to work, so I went and started looking through my poetry books until I found an Emily Dickinson book and I took that back to the bed and stretched out with my side against Meghan. The Christmas tree's lights were almost like lamplight and it was just enough light to read by.

Maybe I should have picked a happier poet to make me think of the good times but sometimes you just need a cry and so I read Emily Dickinson and pretty soon my eyes were wet and all the words got blurry and I put my head down in my hooves and cried myself back to sleep.

And when I woke up in the morning, I felt better, even though I hadn't gotten too much sleep at all, and it was overcast and kinda gloomy and my cheek hurt from where I'd fallen asleep on the book. I was glad that I'd closed it, cause otherwise I might have had ink on my coat.

Aric and Meghan were still asleep, and I didn't want to wake them up right away, 'cause they both looked so happy and peaceful and content and that felt good 'cause I knew that they'd be happy with each other once I was gone.

I got back out of bed and put my poetry book away and then sat on the floor and watched the birds darting to the feeder and some of them were sloppy and dug in and tossed seeds everywhere (which gave the sparrows good forage on the balcony) and then there were ones that would just take a seed away and go back to the trees where they could eat it in peace, and sometimes the blue jays would come in and make everyone else fly away until they'd gotten their share and then they'd fly back off.

And there was also a sad dove calling to her mate, off in the trees, but she didn't come in for seeds. Maybe she didn't like sunflowers.

I was paying too much attention to the birds and didn't notice when Meghan got up until I heard her in the bathroom and then she came and sat next to me and she had a blanket draped over her shoulders and I put a wing across her legs to help keep her warm.

We didn't talk 'cause we both had our own thoughts and sometimes you can say more by not saying anything at all. And she rested her hand on my back and scratched me between my shoulders and the birds didn't pay us any attention at all.

I was thinking about my friends, and wondering how they were spending their last days. I was kind of worried about Gusty, 'cause I thought that she'd probably be completely heartbroken and maybe it was something that we should have talked about when we were in Florida but we were all having fun and maybe trying not to think too much about the future. I was sure that Aquamarine would be okay because I think that earth ponies are the strongest of all and it's a quiet kind of strength that just endures everything. And I couldn't even guess what Cayenne was thinking. Friendships are like trees and everypony can see what's above the ground but what really matters is what's underneath, and I thought that maybe Cayenne didn't have many roots at all.

I turned around and looked at Aric and I wondered if people knew when their bedmates left, even if they didn't wake up, and I thought he might be worried if he woke up alone, so me and Meghan went back to bed even though we weren't gonna sleep anymore. And we decided that we were gonna wake him up and I didn't think he'd mind too much, so I started running my wing down his side and Meghan said that on YouTube sometimes people woke their friends up with loud horns but that seemed really mean and she said that it was but it was funny, too and it wasn't as mean as mousetraps.

So I smacked her with my wing, 'cause it was mean either way, and then I nibbled on Aric's ear a little bit and licked his cheek and that woke him up and he rolled on his back and opened his eyes and I darted in and kissed him on the lips and then he moved like a cobra and got his arms around me and pulled me on top of him but I won 'cause he couldn't get me off so easily and pretty soon everything else had gone from my mind.

We didn't give Aric much of a chance to recover, before she took his hand and started to pull him out of bed so he couldn’t be lazy, and I pushed on his rump to get him moving and the three of us went into the bathroom to take a shower and then went back to the futon mattress to groom each other. Aric finally got in the spirit of it and used some of my new brushes that Meghan had bought so that he could groom me, too, and then he said that we were like a bunch of monkeys grooming each other and I said that monkeys must be pretty smart.

Meghan said that when they were angry they threw poop and I said that that would be a good way to make people go away and I thought that was pretty clever of them, too and she said that I was a silly pony.

I let Aric and Meghan groom each other's hair, 'cause that was good bonding for them and I didn't want to interrupt, and then I said that they should dress each other, too, and it turned out that even with his clever fingers Aric wasn't any better at fastening a bra than I was.

I could take them off, though, and Aric said he could, too, and so we had a fun competition to see who do could it fastest and Aric bragged that he could do it one-handed but that wasn't so impressive, 'cause I could do it no handed and he tried to unfasten it with his mouth but couldn't, and then Meghan said that she could put on a front-fastening bra and we could see if we were any better with that.

Well, I thought it would be easy but it wasn't at all and it took Aric both hands and he had to fumble around to figure it out and he said that he thought that it would be easier but the hook was way more complicated and she said that was so it didn't come open except when you wanted it to.

Then she said that they made ones with magnets, too, but she didn't have any that were like that.

Me and Meghan went to the kitchen and used up the rest of the omelet supplies to make omelets and if we hadn't left the food from Nina's at Aric's house we could have had that, too. I hoped that it wasn't going to be forgotten in the electric icebox until it went bad.

We ate our breakfast in the living room on the futon and I said that it was probably time to start sorting out my things so it would be done and I wouldn't have to worry about it tomorrow. And I thought that I was gonna have to ask Mister Salvatore to get me boxes, but then Aric said that he could get some if we didn't mind being alone for a little bit, 'cause he had some at his house and so me and Meghan said that we'd do the dishes while he was getting them.

So he went out to get his boxes and Meghan filled up the sink and she let me dry the dishes and then put them in the little rack so that they'd dry the rest of the way on their own and I thought that probably you could just leave them there and not dry them at all but it wouldn’t be as fun to do dishes alone and sometimes it was worth making a task a little bit longer than it would have been otherwise.

And when we were done, Aric wasn't back yet so we started to sort things out and Meghan helped which made it less unpleasant to do.

I had to keep all my poetry books and my Bible and my other class books and all my notebooks and that was really the bulk of it. Most of my flight gear would be useless in Equestria, and hopefully the next pegasus exchange student could make use of it—I knew that Mister Salvatore would make sure it was in good hooves. Meghan asked if there was another pegasus coming to Kalamazoo and I said that I didn't think so; he'd said that there weren't any pegasuses in his region and that they were thinking about Sparklesnap and that I didn't know who that was. And I wasn't sure if she was coming to Kalamazoo or if they were going to her.

And I told Meghan not to overwhelm the new pony when she arrived and she said that she wouldn't. But then I told her to make sure that she was safe and had friends and to look out for her and help her when she needed help and Meghan promised that she would. And I said that the same thing went for Aric and I'd tell him but if I forgot she should tell him, too, and then I thought that I ought to write her a letter, 'cause I'd been wishing that someone had done that for me.

So I sat down at my desk and it was kind of hard to think what to write, 'cause now some of the stuff that I'd worried about seemed silly in hindsight and I guess things have a way of working out in the end. But then I thought that maybe I should tell her to be herself and to chase her dreams and that there were some bad people that she had to watch out for but a lot more good people and I wanted to tell her about all my friends but you couldn't really have somepony else make the same friends that you had. But I said that she could trust the professors 'cause every one of them I'd met were nice, even if my climate science professor hadn't liked me all that much at first. And I said that she should try to give human poetry a chance and that Conrad was the most wonderful person.

And I told her that Peggy would watch out for her, and Meghan, too, and not to get overwhelmed by the big things but focus on the little things at first and the beach at South Haven was really nice and not too far, and there were lots of fun things to do in Kalamazoo and then I thought I should tell her that if she wanted to know about God, Pastor Liz would help her and that was who she should ask first.

I was still writing my letter when Aric arrived and so I told him what I was doing and he said that maybe I should tell her about how the weather really isn't controlled by humans and I thought that was a good idea, and she'd know that I knew about it 'cause I was a pegasus.

When I got done it was longer and maybe a bit more rambly than I'd meant for it to be but I was sure she'd be happy to get it, and I knew that I could trust Meghan to give it to her, so I folded it up neatly and I put it in an envelope for her, and I gave it to Meghan and I felt a lot better after I'd done that.

I gave Aric the Christmas tree and gave Meghan my new birdfeeder, 'cause maybe she didn't need it now but she might later, and if she didn't, she would find somebody who wanted it. And I was gonna leave all the dishes and electric kettle and waffle-maker for the next pony, and the furniture and computer, too.

And I was still kind of thinking about how I'd first seen my dorm room and maybe a year before, Action Shot had been looking at her computer and wondered what pony was going to get it next and I kind of wish she'd written me an inspirational letter.

We ordered pizza for lunch, and it was nice to not have to do anything and have lunch brought right to us.

Instead of eating lunch all at once, we had a slice of pizza when we felt like it and kept sorting. I wanted to keep my picture of the tree that changed seasons even though I'd never put it up in this apartment—if I couldn't find a place for it, I could hang it in the tavern where everypony could enjoy it, and of course I also had to keep the Hearth's Warming presents I'd bought for people.

It was strange and kind of melancholy how you could put everything that you owned into boxes and just move them from one place to the next but you couldn't move the things that really mattered as easily, but then I guess that maybe you could because they weren't in boxes but they were in your heart and they'd stay there forever.

It was snowing by the time I'd finished sorting everything out and we decided that it would be easiest to take everything that I was giving to Meghan and Aric over to his house now, so we started carrying it down and putting it in Winston, and then we each had one more slice of cold pizza and then drove over to his house and unpacked it.

Angela's Alero was gone and so were David and Angela which was too bad, 'cause I'd thought that it might be my chance to say goodbye to them.

And it was getting kind of late in the afternoon but it wasn't five yet and I didn't know what to do and so Aric said that sometimes when he didn't know what to do he just drove around and it was a perfect time, 'cause the weather was great and we could go on a little mini-road trip and then wind up at the Radisson and so I thought that was a good idea, and I said that maybe while we were doing that if we found a good spot we could stop and I could fly around a little bit 'cause it was fun to fly in the snow.

So we went out west of town and Aric drove by his secret place again and stopped on the road and I didn't want to go flying too far but I did get out and soar around in the snow for a little bit and when I landed again I had snow all over me and I shook most of it off but there was some that was stuck in my feathers and so Meghan used the snow brush for Winston to get most of it off and then rest would melt on its own.

And then we all got back in Winston and drove on for a little bit more until we found a big open field and there were little stumps of corn sticking up above the snow and it was really peaceful and quiet and we got back out and I flew around over the field and I kept low and just raced across from one side to the other.

The electricity wires ran kind of through the middle of it which were probably in the way of the farmer and I wondered why they hadn't been put at the very edge of the road like most of them were. Maybe the soil was bad there and the poles would fall over.

It was getting kinda late when I landed and so we went right to the Radisson and Meghan was combing out my mane on the way there and she got some tangles out of my tail, too, and I wasn't really sure why 'cause we could always brush them out tomorrow morning and it wasn't that big a deal. I flew and my tail got tangled and that was just the way that it was.

Going into the parking building was always a little bit strange 'cause of the way that the sounds echoed and we just looped around and around until we were at the top even though we'd gone by lots of open spaces but Aric liked for Winston to be able to see the sky and even though it was just a machine and couldn't really feel I thought that that was the proper place for it to be. And then we took the stairs down to the little walkway and Meghan made me stop and kind of looked me all over before she'd let me cross.

Even though we were almost late, I stopped in the middle just so I could look out the windows at the traffic going underneath me because it was almost like I was flying even though I had my hooves on the ground.

And I didn't know what to expect so I was getting a little bit nervous and I thought I'd seen Aric using his portable telephone while Meghan was inspecting me, but I wasn't really sure. Some people were very clever with them and could send a telephone telegram and you'd never know, and that was maybe something that I should have included in my letter to the next exchange pony.

When we got to the entrance to the hotel, Mister Salvatore was waiting for me and he said that I should follow him, so we all did and went down to the first floor and then along a hallway back to some big conference rooms and it was kind of like at the hotel in Shamrock and I could hear familiar voices up ahead and I stopped and looked up at Mister Salvatore and he gave me a little smile and a nod and I'd trotted almost all the way to the room before I turned back around and give him the biggest hug ever and he whispered that I was gonna wrinkle his suit but I didn't care and I don't think that he did either.

And so the two of us went into the room together and Meghan and Aric followed us in and the whole room was full of my friends. Conrad and his wife were there and so was Jeff and Caleb and Lindy and Trinity and Peggy and Sean and Christine and John and Chrissie and David and Angela (I bet that was why they weren't at their house) and Mel and Dori and Lisa and Becky and Mark and even the grumpy airplane director and I gave him a really big hug and he admitted that he was gonna miss hearing me on the radio in the morning even if I had made him do lots of extra work he wouldn't have had to otherwise. And I went around hugging and nuzzling everyone and there was food there for us to snack on and I got to give Trinity a little ride around the room and everyone thought that that was really funny.

And the whole evening was kind of a blur and it was almost too much for me 'cause there were so many of my friends that it was really hard to keep up with them all but that was what made it so amazing, and I just went from one to another and they were all having fun talking to each other, too, and after we'd been there a while Cyndi stopped in for a little bit and so I got to tell her about how I'd fought a tornado and even if it had won we'd learned a lot from that, and I told Conrad how I was gonna share human poetry with the ponies back in Chonamare and be his golden boat, and that I'd gotten Cedric and Leon to read poetry, too, and he smiled and said that he knew from the moment that he saw me that I had the heart of a philosopher and a poet and he reached into his shirt pocket and took out a piece of paper and told me that it was for later and that I would know when it was time to read it.

Chrissie had made friends with Dori and the grumpy man, 'cause she knew about airplanes, and John was talking to Sean about careers with computers, and Peggy and Christine and David and Angela and Aric were all sitting together talking, and then Stellan and Karla showed up too and I was really happy to see them and there was a high enough ceiling that we could play-fight a little bit after we'd moved away from everyone else.

I hadn't expected it but I also got another photo album that had all my friends in it and even pictures of us at Walt Disney World 'cause a lot of the rides had cameras that took pictures while you were on the ride, and Mister Salvatore said that he'd bought some to include in the album and right on the cover there was a picture of me with a clicky pen in my mouth writing in my journal and I looked so focused on it that it was kind of embarrassing but everybody said that it was the perfect picture and it must have been Aric or Meghan who took it 'cause it was in my apartment on Grove Street.

I'd also gotten a bunch of cards and letters from my friends who couldn't make it and I couldn't help myself and I started to cry when I was reading them all 'cause I hadn't ever imagined that so many people were that interested in me and liked me so much that they wanted to give me a card, and some of those had pictures in them, too, and so I had them all spread around a table and was looking at them all and John said that the one of me at the #freethenipple protest was the funniest and I wasn't supposed to show that to Caleb, Lindy, or Trinity, 'cause it was the whole picture and you could see Leah and Gina's boobs and my teats too and I guess that kids weren't supposed to see that.

Some of us stayed up pretty late, 'cause we were having so much fun talking and I made sure to give everyone one more hug and nuzzle before they left, and then some of my other friends had got rooms at the hotel, and so they didn't have to go as soon and after a while there was only me and Peggy and Aric and Meghan and Sean and Christine and my helpers left in the room and it was starting to feel kind of big with just us there and Peggy said that she had a room with her parents and Sean and Christine had a room too and so we went up to theirs and it was not all that high up which was too bad but there was still a good view from the windows, and so we sat around on the floor and talked late into the night, and there weren't enough beds for everyone but nobody minded. Peggy made us White Russians and I was smart and only had two and I curled up on a chair 'cause that way I wasn't taking up anybody else's sleeping space, and Peggy took the other chair to sleep in and that didn't look too comfortable at all but she said that she didn't mind and that way Christine and Sean got one bed and Aric and Meghan got the other.

And I was almost asleep when Peggy said that she'd be more comfortable if she could put her feet on my chair and besides everybody in this room knew that me and Aric and Meghan were sleeping together and Sean said that he hadn't known that so Christine punched him in the shoulder, and I got out of my chair and helped Peggy push the chairs together then got in bed with Meghan and Aric and snuggled up between them.