Party Favor sat quietly outside of the courtroom next to Kyle and his friend. He’d explained to them what had happened in as much detail as he could but when they’d offered to help him out of it he’d declined. They seemed like nice guys but with his life and livelihood on the line he’d figured it would be better to go with the public defender, whoever that was, after all experience had to mean something.
For his part, Kyle had shrugged it off and didn’t push it any further, but let Party Favor know that the offer was still good if he wanted it later on. Kyle swished his tail back and forth off of the bench and stared up at the ceiling much like a bored kid waiting for his mom to finish grocery shopping. Meanwhile Boner gazed at the floor. “You know why they call this place the Jester’s Court,” asked the diamond dog.
Party Favor blinked and looked over at the hulking Boner. It was the first truly complete sentence he’d uttered since they’d shared the cell. Unsure of where this was going or how long it would last, Party Favor replied, “The shape right? Like a jester’s hat?”
“Nope. Long ago if entertainers had a dispute, they’d sort it out here. Eventually they built a building here and after a while the city bought the building to handle the ever growing case load. After all, as a population grows disagreements increase.”
“What about … you know that spooky circus jail then?”
Kyle sighed and looked over at Party Favor. As if reading it out of a book the gryphon said dryly, “Named after Polly Tickle Party. Party Penitentiary or Party Jail is a wonder to behold. She loved the circus so she designed it to resemble one.”
“It didn’t get the name however, until she lost her key to a cell she was visiting upon the jail’s grand opening. She did a month before she was let out. It happened again out west at Polly Tickle Prison,” added Boner.
“True.
“Over time ‘Party Jail’ held some of the most heinous offenders until Tartarus was officially designated as where the worst of the worst would be stored. Today, it serves Canterlot as a minimum and medium security facility,” said Boner.
“What? Where did you two hear all of that?”
“Equestrian History second semester dude,” replied Kyle as he stretched, “Part of the course load we had to take. I got a B- but Boner here’s a whizz at that stuff. I only remembered that much because party jail was what we used to call it when you and a girl would get locked in a closet for seven…”
The doors to the court room flew open as a mustard colored mare in a smart business jacket raced from within interrupted their conversation. “0 and 246,” she repeated between sobs as she ran toward the restroom.
Party Favor’s eyes widened, “Who was that?”
“Public defender dude. It’s weird that she was here now. I guess somebody must have hired her outside of the office,” Kyle sighed, “She means well but she’d be better as a legal…”
“psh… politician,” muttered Boner.
“Go on in bro they’re probably finishing up and after a short recess they’ll start running through our cases.”
“How often have you been here,” asked Party Favor as he walked to the doors.
“Lost count dude,” replied Kyle with a smile.
The courtroom was clean. Unlike the faded harlequin pattern that adorned the Party Jail the colors were bold and well maintained. The reds were deep with copper accents that set it off from the black tiles that helped the diamond pattern that along the floor and up the wall until they slowly fade into black marble behind large crimson curtains.
Party Favor took his seat in the audience as a familiar pegasus argued her case before the judge. From what he could gather Rainbow Dash had performed a series of pranks on the ponies of her hometown. They didn't much care for it and while a number of them had pranked her back one of the residents, a donkey, decided to sue. "But judge," complained the rainbow maned pony, "It was just a prank. A joke."
"Ms. Dash," stated the judge, a light green earth pony with a long white beard and a well-kept mane, "You admitted that you entered the home of a Mr. Doodle uninvited and replaced his hairpiece with a skunk. The skunk then proceeded to spray him and the entire room."
"But your honor it was just..."
"Ms. Dash the 'It was just a prank bro' defense is not a valid defense. Your lawyer, before she ran out of here, should have understood that. You’re lucky that this is a civil proceeding. Therefore you are required to pay full restitution to Mr. Doodle for the damages your prank caused and since this is the second time you've been before this court I am adding a punitive punishment as well."
"What," shouted Rainbow Dash.
"You will have your mane shaved completely off and will not be allowed to wear anything to cover it up until it grows back!"
"But your honor!"
"Don't but me young lady," replied the judge sternly, "You’re lucky criminal charges weren’t filed as well. If I see you in here one more time because of your pranks I will be less than pleased and will do whatever it takes within the scope of the powers granted to me to teach you that there is a time and a place for joking and that damaging another’s property is not a funny joke. Are we clear?”
"Yes sir," Rainbow Dash answered dejectedly.
"Good. One shaved head for Ms. Dash and three thousand seven hundred and sixty five bits in restitution to Mr. Doodle it is so ordered," said the judge and banged his gavel, “And now I’m ordering a fifteen minute recess before we start on new matters.” With that the judge stepped down from the bench and disappeared in the back.
Party Favor slumped forward in his seat. His mind raced with questions about his business to whether or not this was just a preliminary hearing to if he lost this case just what would his punishment be to where if the court appointed lawyer would come back. He closed his eyes and ran his forehooves over his mane as tears welled up in his eyes.
The sound of the doors to the courtroom creaking open echoed throughout the chamber as various would be defendants shuffled in murmuring to themselves. “Hey, you don’t look so good,” said Kyle as he sat next to Party Favor.
“That’s an understatement. The only other lawyer than the DA is crying in the bathroom, nopony has bothered to discuss my case with me other than, no offense, you and I could lose everything from my business to my freedom.”
Kyle wrapped an arm around Party Favor’s shoulders and looked at him, “Bro, my offer still stands. Nobody else is here and honestly I don’t even know when she’s coming back. Last time she was in there for four hours.”
Party Favor sighed, “Fine.”
“Cool.” Kyle stood up and looked over at Boner who stood by the prosecutor and shouted, “Yo! He said yes! It’s on!”
Party Favor’s eyes widened as he glanced between the duo, “Wait - but - how did… you know?”
“Had a hunch,” said Kyle as he motioned for Party Favor to follow him, “Right now Boner is setting stuff up with the DA, sharing info and all. We’re also bumping you up in order of appearance. You’ll be the first to go okay?’
“W-why,” asked Party Favor looking thunderstruck, “Why would you do that?”
“Seemed like the thing to do,” said Kyle with shrug, “Just keep a straight face when the judge comes in, you know like when you play poker… solemn.”
“Yeah… solemn,” replied Party Favor as he hung his head and sat quietly.
The minutes ticked by slowly. As they did Boner wrote furiously on a piece of paper while Kyle sat back in his chair. Finally after what felt like an eternity to Party Favor the bailiff called for those in the court to rise. “The honorable Judge Mint is now presiding.”
The same green earth pony from earlier slowly exited from the back, climbed up to the bench and told the court to be seated. He looked down at his notes as he took his seat and looked up at the courtroom and began to explain how things would run in his courtroom. He was half way though his explanation when his gaze drifted over to Party Favor. His right eye twitched and his last word hung silently from his mouth. Slowly he closed it and raised his right forehoof to his face and muttered quietly to himself before look back in Party Favor’s direction. “What are you doing here,” he asked emphasizing the ‘you’.
Party Favor glanced about and pointed to himself as the blood ran from his face. “I… um … I ….”
“Hi dad,” replied Kyle with a sheepish grin.
“Dad,” gasped Party Favor as he stared in abject shock at the griffon, “He’s your dad? How….”
“I’m adopted dude. Pretty obvious, heck he doesn’t even like wool blankets….”
Judge Mint banged his gavel. “That’s irrelevant. Why are you and Mr. Bonekowski…”
“My friends call me Boner your honor,” answered the diamond dog.
“I am not going to call you that stupid nickname,” shot back Judge Mint.
“Well, we’re here representing Party Favor da… I mean your honor.”
Judge Mint’s gaze slowly fixed on Party Favor who was in the process of making himself appear as small as he could. “Is this true,” asked the judge.
Party Favor nodded quickly as he grabbed one of Kyle’s wings and began to open it in front of him in an attempt to hide from the judge’s gaze. However, no sooner had Party Favor extended the wing completely that Boner pulled him from behind the wing and muttered, “Say the words,” at which point Party Favor squeakily answered in the affirmative.
“Luna wept,” murmured the judge as he shook his head and looked over the charges. “These are fairly serious charges. The court can appoint actual council free of charge. You are aware of this correct?”
“I think she’s still crying in the bathroom,” said Kyle, “But if you want I’ll drag her out.”
“Please don’t.” Judge Mint motioned for one of the guards to come over. After a brief conversation he looked in the direction of Party Favor, “A new public defender will be arriving in an hour if you’re interested in changing your representation. No offense to my son and his friend but, it might do you well to consider a representative with more experience.”
“But dad,” Kyle bit his tongue at the slip up, “I mean your honor … all they do is lose.”
“They’ve won before.”
“Five years ago,” muttered Boner.
Party Favor stood quietly for a moment and weighed his options. On one hoof Kyle and Boner were didn’t have any experience as lawyers. On the other hoof the only experience the public defenders seemed to have was that of losing. He cleared his throat, “Your honor, with all due respect to the public defenders, I think I’ll stick with these two for now. Plus they haven’t lost yet.”
The prosecutor, a smartly dressed female unicorn smirked. “Well, desperation breeds strange bedfellows,” she said before reading the charges.
The judge then asked how Party Favor intended to plea. Before he could open his mouth Kyle spoke, “Your honor he not only pleads not guilty but wants to move to an immediate bench trial starting now.”
Party Favor’s eyes widened as the world began to spin. The prosecutor immediately objected, “Your honor he can’t do that. I don’t have my witnesses and the only thing I have from the defense is a list with two names on it, the defendant’s and mine.”
“We have like, a precedent your honor,” replied Kyle who looked to Boner.
“According the high court a defendant may request an immediate bench trial at pretrial if a not guilty plea is stated. The prosecution is required to have all evidence and witnesses readily available in case of such a request. Speedy vs. Canterlot 1844,” said Boner.
“You do realize that this is a risky maneuver Mr. Favor,” said the judge.
Party Favor trembled, “No kidding… I mean… yes.”
“It’s an unusual tactic. One that is rarely used these days, if ever,” said Judge Mint as he looked at the parties, “However, since there is precedent for it I’ll allow it.”
“But my witnesses…”
“You should send an aide out to find them Ms. Latitat. These trials, at least back in the day were known to be rather quick and not always in favor of the defense.”
“Can I cut in here,” asked Kyle.
“What do you want?”
Kyle cleared his throat, “Well, I mean like instead of sending her aide out to find a couple of guards for one case. Two guards that she might not be able to find in time given the nature of this type of trial, we should work something out.”
“What do you propose,” asked Latitat.
"Well, the entire idea of “party fouls” as law is totally bogus. Any reasonable client could have looked at that book and known that a real princess wasn’t likely to show. She was riding a sugar and caffeine high that led to a major crash. Party Favor can’t be blamed for her weirdness or not understanding of … you know… logic and stuff. ”
“I admit that’s a fair point. While it is well known that Princess Celestia does like her cake I admit it would be unlikely that she would be able to attend every party that had cake even if invited.”
“Also these licensing requirements are an overreach. In the case of Party Favor there is no training that one can attain for his profession. He plans and can hire others with the expertise he needs to create what he requires. If he happens to pick up certain skills in the meantime it’s all well and good but he would never be considered a professional in those areas. Plumbers, electricians, doctors, and so on are considered professionals and all require training, schooling and the ability to pass city examinations before they can be licensed,” said Boner.
“So what is it you two want done?”
“If the DA and you agree,” began Kyle, “Party Favor will pay the two hundred bit fine and register his business today okay? But not guilty on the rest.”
Boner nodded. “He may have to list or show in a picture what is included in a standard party package. If you want he can bring his books in once he has made the appropriate edits, however this isn’t a criminal matter. He wasn’t trying to defraud anyone. Second, the law regarding the licensing is too broad and should only apply to those who are required to have the previously noted training and education in order to do that job effectively.”
Judge Mint looked over at Latitat, “Is this something you are willing to agree to?”
“If it means I’ll have time to round up who I need to round up then fine,” she said as she looked back at the rest of those who were waiting for their pretrial hearings, “I have a feeling I’m going to need it.”
Judge Mint sighed, “It’s going to be a long day. Fine, write it up and I’ll agree to the deal.”
“While we were waiting I took the liberty,” said Boner and passed the agreement to Party Favor who quickly signed it. He then passed it to the prosecution for her signature as well before handing it to the judge.
“Well, how nimble you,” replied the judge who then signed off on it. “The court agrees with these terms,” Judge Mint banged his gavel.
“Yes! We won,” shouted Kyle as he pumped a claw. Party Favor smiled broadly and sighed in relief and elation as the judge banged his gavel.
“Not so fast boys,” said Judge Mint, “Ms. Latitat what are the charges against Mr. Purple Sage and Mr. Bonekowski? “
“Public intoxication … again.”
Judge Mint sighed, “Luna wept.”
“But… it wasn’t our fault,” replied Kyle.
“Your mother is going to have a fit once she hears about this and chances are I’m going to end up on the couch!” Judge Mint sighed and looked at the files for the two of them, “How do you plea?”
“Okay first it was totally not our fault dad. Like, we were celebrating Celestia and Luna’s victory over Buckvard….”
“Go Space Hens,” shouted a pony from the gallery.
“You know it bro,” shouted Kyle as he turned and faced the gallery, his talons raised above his head in triumph. Several other ponies cheered.
Judge Mint banged his gavel loudly. Kyle turned about and caught his father’s glare and his bravado evaporated. “What happened,” growled the judge.
“We partied in a bar and they launched us into public.”
“Like javelins,” added Boner.
“It was really graceful,” continued Kyle, “Anyway when we were picked up it was total profiling.”
“Oh for the love of… how?”
“They were arresting anybody who was rolling down that side walk screaming, ‘Peck ‘em Hens.’”
Judge Mint looked to the DA who did her best to stifle a chuckle at the story. Judge Mint sighed and bridged his hooves as he looked at his son and his son’s friend sternly. “To this day it boggles my mind that the two of you are able to focus and defend someone else using, facts and legal precedent in a fairly articulate manner, land solid to good grades in school, but when it comes to yourselves you become jabbering frat boy stereotypes.”
“Sorry dad,” said Kyle sheepishly.
“Here’s what is going to happen. The two of you are going to plead guilty.”
“Oh come on,” replied Boner.
“You’re both going to plead guilty,” repeated Judge Mint his voice hardening, “You’re going to pay two hundred bits each and do three hundred hours of community service is that clear?”
Kyle and Boner nodded quietly.
“Now as a parent who is concerned for the wellbeing of his son and his son’s best friend I will be sending out two letters. The first is going to the president of the university Celestia and Luna in which I will tell him that the two of you are banned from any and all sporting events for a year.”
“Aw nuts,” muttered Boner.
“Second, I will send a letter to your parents Mr. Bonekowski recommending that they do what I am going to do to Kyle here. I will continue to pay for his tuition and dorm fees. However, any money he needs for books, food, and other incidentals that’s coming out of his pocket. I will not support his partying.”
“But dad I don’t have a job!”
“I’d suggest you get one. Maybe that pony you defended knows someone who’s hiring or maybe he might have need of you. Now, make your pleas.”
“Guilty,” said Kyle and Boner simultaneously.
“Thank you. The court sentences you both to two hundred bit fines and three hundred hours community service. You may leave.”
While Party Favor and Boner began to head for the doors Kyle remained behind, “Hey dad.”
“Yes?”
“Sorry and um… you remember that clown from Basil’s birthday?”
“Yes,” rumbled the judge as ice entered his voice.
“He’s in holding. Just thought you should know.”
“Thank you,” said Judge Mint, “He’ll be first after this group. Be sure to call your mother more often she worries about you.”
“I will.”
“And stay out of trouble.”
Kyle nodded and followed the pair out of the courtroom.
Party Favor grinned from ear to ear as he ditched the orange jumpsuit and made his way into the basement with the griffon and diamond dog close behind. According to Kyle, the Equestrian National Bank had a 24 hour branch next to the clerk’s office that allowed for folks to withdraw the money they needed so they could pay fines, file paperwork and so on. Party Favor thought it was convenient due to the fact that most ponies didn’t tend to carry large amounts of bits on them. “I don’t know how I can thank you two,” repeated Party Favor, “I mean for everything not just the court stuff.”
“Don’t worry about it,” replied Boner, “Happy to help.”
“Well, we do have one problem though dude. After this fine I’m gonna have to scramble for funds. We’ve gotta get jobs and all,” said Kyle. He then glanced over at Party Favor and asked, “You don’t know anyone whose hiring do you?”
“Weirdly enough I was thinking of bringing on some part time help so that I didn’t have to shut the shop down when I was at lunch or if I had an event. But I don’t know if….”
“Dude I’m down. We can work registers and like take orders and stuff. Just gotta work it around classes.”
“Well then I guess that’s settled,” replied Party Favor as he began to fill out a withdrawl slip.
“Hey know what we should do,” asked Kyle.
“What’s that,” replied Boner.
“Celebratory kegger back at LOL House. They won’t kick us out of our own frat. Plus we can sleep there.”
Party Favor looked up at the two, “I’ve heard of and thrown all manner of parties but… what’s a kegger?”
Kyle’s eyes widened and his mouth hung wide, “Bro!”
“Dude,” replied Boner in shock.
“You’re coming with us,” said Kyle grasping Party Favor’s shoulders.
“I am?”
“You’re gonna get an education! How to shotgun the hardest cider, cider pong,” began Kyle.
“The proper way to ride a mattress and or a scooter down a set of stairs,” continued Boner.
“And the pleasures of ‘Party Jail,’” said Kyle making air quotes, “With beautiful bodacious co-eds.”
“I’m … going to be late to open my shop tomorrow aren’t I?”
“You know it dude,” said Kyle as he looked at him squarely in the face, “But think of all the stuff you’ll learn by doing.”
Party Favor chuckled, “Well, I can’t argue with that.”