Taming the Wild Horse

by SFaccountant

Fillydelphia

Taming the Wild Horse
a My Little Pony/Ranma 0.5 crossover fanfiction
by SFaccountant

Chapter 1
Fillydelphia

"All right, Trixie think this should do the trick."
Trixie backed away from Ranma, looking over the stallion with an approving smile. He was now wearing a purple cloak that was the same shade as Trixie's cape and hat, but lacked the star pattern. It was fastened at Ranma's neck by a bejeweled clasp, exactly as Trixie's cape used to be before that gem had been stolen. The MacGuffin Stone gleamed in the early morning light under the stallion's chin, fastened to the brass accessory.
Other than the artifact and coloration, the cloak more resembled the obscuring clothing that Rite and Swan Song had worn to hide their identities from prying eyes. The fabric hugged tightly around Ranma's rear legs and included a hood to cover his unfortunately unique hairstyle (that he absolutely refused to abandon). It perfectly hid his main identifying traits, while also matching Trixie's arcane accessories such that he could easily be dismissed as the magician's hired hoof. Which he was, for a given stretch in the definition of "hired."
Ranma shifted uncomfortably within the cloak. "I know I complain about not having clothes, but this thing is a little tight, Trix. I can't fight in this."
"If you need to fight, feel free to take it off first," Trixie said while she levitated a saddlebag harness onto Ranma's back, "but the point of the disguise is to avoid fights in the first place."
"Not really my strong suit," the martial artist mumbled.
"Trixie is aware of this," she drawled, "but at the very least, this should allow us to pass through towns without being challenged by random guards. Trixie isn't expecting miracles, here."
Ranma raised a hoof and pressed it against the MacGuffin Stone. The gem was slightly warm, and it pulsed gently at his touch. "Fair enough. Why am I taking the MacGuffin Stone, though?"
"Because it's yours," Trixie replied, arching an eyebrow. "Did you forget? You actually agreed to fight an Equestrian Princess on that point."
"I didn't forget, no. But honestly, I wouldn't mind if you took it instead," he admitted. "You can actually use the stupid thing. What good does it do for me to carry it around?"
Trixie continued to stare at him strangely. "It protects it from the various idiots and villains who might take it and abuse its incredible power. Again, you LITERALLY fought an alicorn over this."
"That was different. I trust you, Trix," Ranma scoffed.
Trixie flinched in surprise. This wasn't technically the first time she had heard those words, but before they had always come from a member of her show's audience or some other credulous rube, like those unicorn colts from Ponyville. Incidentally, she had also lied aggressively to all those same ponies in order to earn their trust.
The magician coughed and turned away. "Y-Yes. Well... good! Trixie could surely protect the MacGuffin Stone as easily as you could! But why should Trixie do that? It's your problem!"
Ranma frowned, letting his hoof fall back down. "I guess... but if we're going to carry it around, we should at least use it, right? It would be pretty handy to zap people into it like you did to that bounty hunter yesterday. And couldn't you use it for other stuff too?"
"Yes. Stuff like destroying the world, or messing with the sun. Neither of which Trixie is very keen on," Trixie retorted. "Trixie has had... bad experiences with powerful magic artifacts before. And while the MacGuffin's ability to suck up magic creatures and spit them out at will is interesting, Trixie is very concerned that it's only a small fraction of what the gem is capable of. The notes Trixie took from Blood Rite are incomplete, and serious magic research is not Trixie's specialty. Trixie has little idea what could be unleashed if the MacGuffin Stone was used to its full potential."
Ranma nodded reluctantly. He was disappointed that Trixie didn't want to use the stone as her personal magical weapon, but he was slowly coming around to the idea that most ponies didn't spend their lives trying to find new and better ways to brutalize each other. Yet another way humans were just plain better than equines.
"Instead, Trixie is going to keep the Alchemist's Heart!" Trixie chirped, suddenly floating the ruby out from under her hat. "It's a more conventional artifact, if not still heads and tails better than what Trixie has used before. Like the MacGuffin Stone, Trixie isn't totally sure of all of its powers, but it offers a substantially lower possibility of triggering the apocalypse." She lowered the Alchemist's Heart onto an upturned hoof, staring hard at the gemstone. "The only problem is that this gemstone is a tad conspicuous. It belonged to a famous Equestrian General, after all."
"That Firebrand guy was famous? He didn't seem like that big a deal," Ranma remarked, staring closely at the ruby. It was a teardrop-shaped stone with a set of angular discolorations within its heart, forming a strange, inexplicable shape. Ranma imagined it was some kind of magic symbol, and that immediately set it apart from any ordinary ruby at a glance.
"Well, he was no Princess, but yes. You might have noticed that Equestria isn't drowning in military talent. Firebrand was probably the only unicorn in the army that could take on Swan Song on his own. And Trixie doubts he could have even managed that without the Alchemist's Heart, so he'll want to get it back." Trixie stuffed the gemstone back up into her hat. "Trixie will probably get a new gemstone clasp with a fake facing on the front. The ruby can be attached to the other side to keep it ready while also hiding it from enemies." Trixie paused, taking a moment to appreciate how she now considered being violently assaulted to be a part of her everyday life.
Ranma rubbed his chin with his hoof. "But when you think about it... since that Firebrand guy is one of the few good fighters Equestria has, shouldn't we try to get his gem back to him? I mean, we never did manage to capture Rite or Song, and those guards can't even keep ordinary bandits off the road. Keeping an important magic weapon could seriously hurt the kingdom."
Trixie stared at Ranma. Ranma stared back.
Then, after about ten seconds, both ponies started laughing.
"Oh, Celestia! Trixie thought you were serious for a second there!"
"Yeah, right! I think we both know who he'd be using that thing on as soon as he got it back!"
"Hee hee! C'mon, let's head into town."

Fillydelphia was one of the larger cities in Equestria, with a dense urban look that was much closer to what Ranma was used to cities looking like. Granted, It wasn't much compared to Tokyo. There was a distinct lack of satellite dishes and video screens among the buildings, and the roads were populated by carts instead of motor vehicles. But it was a big change from the rural townships he'd seen so far from pony civilization.
"Ooh! That plaza will be perfect for Trixie's show!" Trixie stood up high upon her cart, smiling as she spotted a large open space among the buildings. "There's no raised platform for a stage, so Trixie will need to build one first..." she continued mumbling to herself and putting together plans for putting on her show while Ranma plodded along down the street.
"Is there anything I could do?" Ranma asked.
"Trixie will have plenty of jobs for you once the supplies are gathered," the magician assured him. "For now, Trixie is concerned mostly about scheduling and local regulations. The larger cities sometimes require permits or some other nonsense in order for hardworking businessponies like Trixie to ply their trade." She snorted, and then tapped one side of the wagon. "Take the next turn. Trixie believes city hall is in that direction."
Ranma took the turn as instructed, but gave the unicorn a worried glance. "Are you sure I should be hanging around city hall?"
"Why, are you planning to blow this one up like in Saddlebrook?"
"Swan Song destroyed the city hall in Saddlebrook, not me!" Ranma protested. "I never blew up any buildings!"
Trixie stared at him expressionlessly.
"I... I never blew up any buildings on PURPOSE," Ranma corrected awkwardly. "Anyway, I was just asking because there's probably going to be a lot of guards and maybe a nearby bounty board."
"Trixie knows. It will be an excellent test of your disguise," Trixie pointed out. "And if it turns out that it doesn't fool anypony, better we get chased out of town now than after Trixie's set up a show."
"Huh. Okay. Good plan," Ranma admitted, "you've adapted really well to this fugitive thing."
"Trixie is a genius," she said smugly. After a few seconds, her preening expression faded slightly. "Also, this technically isn't the first time Trixie has had to step lightly around the law."
"Really? What happened?"
"Trixie will just say that certain regions in Equestria have surprisingly unreasonable fire codes," the magician said, coughing lightly. "It's not important. What is important is that the street seems to be blocked off. What the hay is all this?"

The source of Trixie's ire was a large crowd of ponies that cut across the street and formed a nearly solid wall of mingling equines in front of the T-intersection in front of city hall. Trixie couldn't discern a purpose for the crowd from a distance; there was nothing happening on the street they were blocking, nor were the ponies carrying signs, shouting, or giving any other hint of organized activity. When they got close enough, Trixie saw that the intersection ahead was cordoned off from one side of the street to the other, physically blocking any hoof traffic trying to get through.
A loud whistle came from behind them, and Trixie jumped in surprise. Ranma winced and halted the wagon, looking about for the source of the noise.
The source was, in fact, a mare in a blue police vest and hat. She had a whistle hanging from a neck band and a pair of leg cuffs attached to her flank, and her cutie mark consisted of a police badge. She slowed her approach to a trot alongside Trixie's wagon, and then let the whistle drop from her mouth.
"This intersection is closed! You're going to have to go down Chestnut Street for a detour, depending on where you're trying to get to!" the officer warned.
Trixie frowned. "Trixie is trying to get to city hall," she explained, pointing a hoof toward the building in question.
"Then Trixie will have to wait until tomorrow. There's some official business happening today, and it's closed to visitors."
"What kind of business? Trixie needs to speak to a city clerk!"
"If this 'Trixie' pony wants to know more, they'll have to read the papers or ask somepony else. I'm just here to deal with traffic, all right?" The police officer started to walk away, but her steps faltered when she glanced at Ranma.
Ranma had been staring at the mare in surprised silence, silently wondering why this city had modern-ish police officers while other regions were protected by armored guards with spears. When she returned the scrutiny, however, he quickly turned his head away.
"... Is something the matter, officer?" Trixie asked.
The other mare walked around Ranma's front, staring intently at the face under the hood. Ranma endured her gaze while staring straight forward at nothing, guessing that trying to avoid her would just make him look even more suspicious.
Eventually, the officer smiled. "Nah, there's nothing wrong. I was just thinking... My shift ends in a little bit. If you're free, maybe we can get some coffee together." She raised a foreleg and brushed some dirt off of Ranma's shoulder, fluttering her eyelashes.
Ranma opened his mouth to reply, but Trixie (thankfully) beat him to it.
"I'm afraid we have a lot of work to do, Officer. My assistant here will have to get back to you once we're done if he wants to take you up on that," the magician said.
The police pony shot her an annoyed look, but then frowned and backed off. "Ah, well. Can't be helped, then. Enjoy your stay in Fillydelphia, folks!" She quickly turned around and raced off.

Trixie smirked once the officer was out of earshot. "Well, it seems the disguise works! Well enough to throw off the suspicion of random officers, at least."
Ranma let out a breath he had been holding. "It's something, I guess... what do you want to do about this road block? Do we really have anything else to do if we're not setting up one of your shows?"
Trixie craned her neck to look down the blocked-off street. Her position atop the wagon gave her a view above the crowd's head, and she could see the gleam of Royal Guard armor heading toward the intersection. "Interesting... let's stay here for the moment. Trixie wants to see what's so important that they've shut out everypony for the day."

Ranma didn't see what the point was, but didn't bother to argue. He shrugged off the wagon harness, and then climbed up into the bed order to get a better view himself. Once he had a good line of sight to the street, he could see guards marching down the road in formation. At first he assumed it was a parade, but there seemed to be too little fanfare, no music, and the soldiers looked very much like they didn't want to be here. That suggested a normal deployment, if not a slightly noisier one.
"... Hey, Trix?" Ranma turned to the mare sitting next to him.
"What?" Trixie continued staring down the road.
"This, uh... This might seem like a weird question..."
"Trixie is sure it will be. Your ignorance is anything but normal."
Ranma frowned at the unicorn, but pushed aside his annoyance. "Okay, well, I was just wondering... am I... good-looking, for a stallion?"
This managed to pry Trixie's gaze from the road ahead. She turned to stare at Ranma, her face expressionless aside from a single arched brow.
"What? I don't know, okay?" Ranma said defensively, lowering his voice. "I was pretty hot stuff when I was a human. I can't tell if it's the same when I'm like this. I mean, I'm guessing it is, because of Swan and that mare cop just then. Not that I WANT mares coming on to me, but... uh..."
Trixie waited until Ranma trailed off, and then waited some more. Ranma squirmed uncomfortably, wondering if he had crossed some unspoken line with his traveling companion.
Eventually, Trixie shrugged. "Well, Trixie certainly isn't attracted to you, but Trixie is pretty sure Swan Song didn't fall for your sense of style or poetic soul." She snorted. "As stallions go, yes, you're quite handsome. And you have a pleasing, athletic form, as is to be expected. If you weren't constantly getting into fights, explosions, or weaponized natural disasters, Trixie is sure you'd have a lot more admirers."
"Thought so. I mean, honestly, being this sexy is kind of annoying, but what am I supposed to do?" the pigtailed stallion said with an exaggerated sigh. "... So... you, uh... DON'T think I'm attractive, personally?"
"Ranma, is there something you want to tell Trixie?" she asked, bemused.
"No! No, nothing like that!" Ranma insisted awkwardly. "It's just that, you know, I'm probably going to be a pony for a long time. Or... forever. So I just thought..."
"That you should look into finding a nice mare to settle down with?" Trixie interjected, sounding thoughtful. "Maybe even start a family and breed another generation of super-equine walking disasters? Trixie can only imagine."
Ranma's expression soured further. "That's not what I meant, Trix."
Trixie smirked at him. "Yes, yes, Trixie knows. Settle down, sidekick." This just needled the martial artist further, and he bristled while Trixie continued. "As a matter of fact, Trixie's affections and lack thereof are simply a matter of taste. To put it simply, you're far from Trixie's type of stallion."
"Uh huh..." Ranma wasn't at all surprised that Trixie didn't harbor an attraction to him, given that she knew what he was. He was quite surprised, however, that his actually being a human wasn't the primary reason.
"There's a sort of rugged, roguish, masculine quality to you, certainly. But you're also broke, crude, reckless, and - although Trixie doesn't like to harp on the point - illiterate."
"I am NOT illiterate! I can read and write MY language, just not yours!" Ranma hissed angrily.
"For all the good that does you in Equestria," Trixie mumbled while rolling her eyes. "But fine. Rather than illiterate, you're just utterly ignorant of this world; you can't read the common language of ponies, you insist that our Princess doesn't know how the sun works, and you don't even know the relationship between pegasi and clouds. Not your fault, sure. But still a turn-off." She tapped a hoof against her chin. "And then, of course, there's the fact that your very presence inevitably invites strife and violent conflict. Most marriages find it very hard to survive when one partner is suddenly ambushed and imprisoned."
Ranma dropped down onto his belly, making a disgusted noise. It wasn't as if he thought he would make a great pony boyfriend, or necessarily wanted others to think so. He still didn't like being berated as a clueless barbarian, though.
Then he turned his head up toward the magician again. "You didn't mention my curse. Did you forget that I'm a mare sometimes?" he asked wryly.
"Not at all. Trixie doesn't consider that a negative," the unicorn replied, looking out into the street again.
It took Ranma about twenty seconds to process that statement, and when he finished his first conclusion was that he had heard wrong.
"Wait, did you mean that you just don't care because you're not interested in me like that? Or-"
Trixie gasped. "There it is! That's a royal carriage! Those guards are escorting Prince Blueblood!"

Ranma didn't know who that was or why it mattered, but he was surprised to see Trixie breaking into an excited smile at the sight. He pushed himself up to get a better view and checked the vehicle coming down the street.
The carriage was chased in gold with a tall roof framed by crimson silk curtains. It was hauled by a pair of huge earth ponies, each of which wore a suit of silvery plate mail armor stamped with numerous symbols on the sides. Ranma imagined that one of the symbols was the owner's cutie mark, since his legs were obscured, and another symbol was similar to that of the Equestrian flag.
Within the carriage, atop a large silken pillow, was a white unicorn stallion with a wavy blond mane. He wore a fancy shirt and coat - without any pants, bizarrely enough - and had a cutie mark that resembled a golden compass face. Ranma studied the pony as the convoy advanced, and then moved on to the second vehicle. This was a less ostentatious wagon, with several more ponies dressed in fancy clothes who waved to the spectators. The third and final vehicle carried not ponies, but a half-dozen padlocked treasure chests with as many guards forming a tight escort around it.
"Which one is Prince Blueblood?" Ranma asked, tilting his head to the side.
"The unicorn in the front, obviously," Trixie retorted.
"A unicorn? I thought the Princes were the ponies with horns AND wings."
"No, those are the Princesses. ’Prince' is just a title of nobility."
That seemed weird and vaguely unfair to the martial artist, but he let the matter drop. Trixie was obviously excited to see this stallion, and it was rare to see the magician impressed by another pony.
"Okay, fine. So what's this guy's deal?"
"Prince Blueblood's 'deal' is that he's Princess Celestia's nephew, and a royal envoy," Trixie sniffed, glaring at Ranma. "And since you asked about Trixie's type of stallion, he would be it."
"I didn't ask abou-"
"Classy, cultured, educated, and respected throughout the land!" Trixie continued, talking right over her companion. "A seat of power in the heart of Canterlot! A veritable ocean of wealth at his hoof-tips! The elite of the elite! Basically the polar opposite of you." Her irritation melted away with a dreamy sigh while she stared at the royal convoy.
Ranma stared at Trixie, then back at the procession that was marching down the street. Then he looked back at Trixie. It seemed to him that her fawning gaze was fixated on the third wagon that held boxes of treasure, not the first wagon that carried its owner.
I guess I know why "broke" was the first thing that came to mind when she was complaining about me, Ranma mused to himself.
He didn't especially mind being described as the opposite of the gaudy unicorn in the street though, because he completely agreed with it. Ranma had met his fair share of royalty and elite noblemen. They were, without exception, haughty, whiny, self-absorbed jerks who considered their family's wealth to be a personal achievement. At the very least, however, most of those human royals had been powerful martial artists; somehow Ranma doubted that this Blueblood stallion had ever been in a fight in his life.
"So you like the snobby noble type, eh? Yeah, I could see that," Ranma mumbled to himself. "What's this all about, anyway?"
"What is what about?" Trixie mumbled, her eyes still locked on the wagons.
"Why is the Prince even here? He's bringing along a few dozen guards and a wagon full of money, right? It's got to be a big deal, unless he does this every time he visits a city," Ranma reasoned.
Trixie had to reluctantly concede the point. This did look like an event of official ceremony, rather than a "casual" royal visit. There was also the fact that the Prince was headed to the city hall, rather than the city hillside where the estate mansions were located.
"The police officer said something about the papers. Turn the wagon around and let's find a vendor. Trixie's curiosity is piqued."
Ranma hopped down onto the street and slipped into the harness with practiced ease. With a sharp tug, the wagon lurched into a turn and reversed its direction to head back up the street.

It took some time for Ranma to get them away from city hall, since a steady flow of ponies racing to see a royal convoy meant a great deal of traffic heading the other way and getting in his path. Eventually they reached a news kiosk by a street corner, and Ranma swung in next to the sidewalk.
Trixie's horn glowed, and without uttering a word a single bit floated to the newsstand while a rolled-up newspaper floated past it in the opposite direction. The pony manning the stand barely had time to shout a "Thank you!" before Ranma pulled away into the street again.
"Well, well, well... look at who made headlines. AGAIN," Trixie grumbled, staring at print of Ranma's most current bounty poster. The headline "Equestrian TRAITOR Reaches Historic Bounty: 200,000 Reward!" was printed across the top in huge letters, and at the bottom were several pictures of shattered and burnt-out buildings. "This is why Trixie stopped buying papers regularly. There's no point when Trixie has a front-row seat to the biggest news in Equestria. A member of the royal family is in town today, and you knocked it clean off the front page."
Ranma ducked his head down a little lower, trying to find as much comfort he could in the hood and cloak that obscured him. "Could you lower your voice, Trix? You don't know who could be listening!"
Trixie rolled her eyes and peeled several pages back. "Ah, here we are..."

After several minutes of reading the article, Trixie's eyebrow rose. She turned the page. Several minutes after that, she rolled the paper back up and stuffed it into a corner of the wagon.
"It seems Trixie's luck is as rotten as ever. This isn't good."
Ranma halted the cart, looking alarmed. "What? What is it? Are they here for me?"
"No, for once this has nothing to do with you. Just upper-class politics, is all." Trixie saw Ranma's uncomprehending look, and then elaborated. "The mayor of Fillydelphia is retiring soon. He happened to be a very close friend of the royal family, and so Canterlot has decided to hold a big party to see him off. They also sent Prince Blueblood to attend, as you saw earlier, and he will obviously be very influential in deciding the mayor's successor if they don't decide to just flat-out let the Prince appoint who he wants. This means that everypony who wants the job will be at the ball and clamoring for his attention and favor."
Ranma nodded along silently. "Okay... and why is that bad? What does this have to do with you?"
"It has NOTHING to do with Trixie, which is the problem!" the magician griped. "Trixie was planning to set up a big show and rake it in during this stop, but the ball is tomorrow! Nopony is going to be paying attention to a magic show with a royal party taking place, even if Trixie can set something up without permits or anything!" She dropped onto her belly, fuming. "Trixie was counting on a big city crowd to boost earnings! And it's only a matter of days until you do something to have us driven out of town, so time is at a premium, here!"
Ranma frowned. "So you don't want to set up your show?"
Trixie groaned. "Trixie might as well try, but it would hardly be worth it. Trixie has done these city gigs before. If you're not working with the local guilds - which can take WEEKS - you need to fight for an audience. And if Trixie ends up breaking any rules because city hall isn't open to provide the necessary red tape, things could get ugly fast. Those guild ponies are surprisingly humorless, for thespians."
"I don't really think you have to be worried about being bullied out of town with me around," Ranma pointed out.
"No, Trixie doesn't. Trixie is quite worried about a simple attempt at intimidation snowballing into another military occupation complete with sorcerer duels and the imposition of martial law, though."
Ranma's ears pinned back under his hood. "Ah. Yeah, uh... I guess that could happen. Good call." Then he twisted his head around to look up at his employer. "So if you're not doing your show, do you want to go to the ball?"
Trixie blinked and tilted her head to look at Ranma. "What?"
"You know, the royal party. Wanna go to that? Maybe you can even meet that Blueblood guy. Why not?"
Trixie stared. "... What are you going on about? Trixie can't just show up at a royal function without being invited. That's not how this works!"
Ranma smirked. "What, you're telling me the Great and Powerful Trixie can't get invited to some lame government dance?"
Trixie's face turned as pink as her magic, and she quickly jumped up to her hooves. "Don't you taunt Trixie! This and that are different things! Being as Great and Powerful as Trixie is - to say nothing of Trixie's recent role in rescuing a Princess and saving Equestria - doesn't suggest that Trixie can just waltz into whatever social function she pleases!"
Ranma was honesty surprised by the angry vehemence with which Trixie protested, and he quickly banished the smile from his face. He enjoyed poking fun at Trixie as much as anypony, but now wasn't the time for that. "Okay, fine. But seriously, if you could get in, would you want to go?"
"In a heartbeat," Trixie replied.
"Okay. I'll get us in."
There was a long, awkward silence between the two.
"... Trixie would say you're crazy, but compared to being a monkey-creature from a different world transported here via a world-destroying magic gemstone, this kind of banal foolishness is kind of refreshing," the magician admitted. "How would YOU, an enemy of the state with no grounding in pony society, get invited to a royal ball?"
"Eh, if we absolutely needed to be invited then I could probably work something out, but I don't see the point. I can just sneak us in," Ranma explained.
Trixie recoiled, her eyes wide. "S-Sneak in? To a royal function?"
She honestly seemed shocked at the idea, which Ranma thought was bizarre. "Yeah. So what? You'll lie to guards and police, but lying to a bouncer to get into some party crosses the line?"
"Again, that's different!" the mare hissed. "Trixie does those things out necessity to avoid violent conflict and earn a living! Lying to ponies to get into a party is just..." she trailed off, and her expression cooled a bit. "Well, Trixie doesn't really want to take any unnecessary risks right now, is all."
"And you won't have to! This is all me!" Ranma said with a grin.
Trixie's stare hardened, as if she was trying to read his eyes to see what kind of particular stupidity was brewing in the cursed pony's head. "All you. Really."
"Sure! While we're there, I can even get you some time alone with your crush!" Ranma assured her, winking.
Trixie recoiled again, looking even more scandalized than before. "Crush?! Trixie doesn't have a crush!"
"Really? You were almost drooling over that Blueblood guy before. You don't want to go out with him?"
Trixie spent several seconds sputtering incoherently, and then stopped. She took a deep breath, and then spoke in a cold, firm voice. "Trixie was simply expressing her preferences, since we were on the topic. Trixie was not 'drooling' over Blueblood, nor does Trixie have a 'crush' on him. Yes, he is an example of Trixie's ideal stallion, but Blueblood is a Prince."
"Yeah. So what? You don't like Princes?" Ranma asked. "I mean, I could understand that, actually. I HATE Princes. But you seemed like you were into that."
"That's not the problem," Trixie said with a slight growl. "The Great and Powerful Trixie, as magnificent and beautiful as she is, is not... that is to say, Trixie can't just..."
Ranma saw she was struggling to explain her protest, and he frowned. The stallion shrugged off the wagon harness, and then reared up to lean against the front of the transport.
"Trix, if you're trying to say that you're not good enough for that prissy blond dope because you're not a royal horse, you're just wrong," Ranma said bluntly.
Trixie again flinched back, her eyes wide.
"You're awesome, and anyone that says otherwise is either stupid or jealous. If you ask me, this Blueblood guy isn't good enough to wipe your hooves. But if he's your type of pony, I say go for it. And I can help! Seriously!"

As Ranma's crystal blue eyes bored into hers, Trixie felt her heartbeat surge and a wave of strange, energizing heat rushed from the tip of her horn to the bottom of her hooves. It was a somewhat familiar feeling, similar to the rush she felt during the applause of an audience or the gushing praise of an impressed youngster. This sensation was more intense, somehow, and it made her a bit dizzy as her cheeks heated up.

Ranma saw that Trixie was still gaping at him, and his casual confidence started to weaken. "I really don't know why this sounds so crazy to you, and if you really don't want to do it, that's fine." He reached up with a leg and touched it to Trixie's shin. "But I want to help you out, here. You put up with a lot for my sake, and the least I can do is a little favor like getting you into a party to flirt with a guy you like."
Trixie would have normally followed this comment with an automatic snarky response about "the least he could do," but the sudden surge of bliss banished such ideas from her mind. A goofy grin stretched across her muzzle, and she puffed out her chest before she replied.
"Well, when you put it THAT way, it's not like Trixie has anything better to do!" The magician laughed, her cheeks still flushed. "All right, why not? Let's bag Trixie a Prince!"
"Yes! I won't let you down, Trix!" Ranma said brightly before dropping back down to the street.
Trixie felt like she should be horrified at the prospect of trusting Ranma to assemble the infiltration of a formal event and a romantic interlude, but she was currently too giddy to worry. She also found Ranma's convictions surprisingly infectious. Whether or not he could actually pull this off, he obviously thought that success was all but assured. That didn't make it so, but at the least it meant that the cursed stallion had a good idea of how this would actually work rather than hoping everything simply turned out for the best.

Ranma fit himself back into the harness, and then pulled the wagon forward again. "So we'll need to prepare for this party tonight, then. Do ponies wear clothes for formal dances? I don't think I'll ever understand when it's okay for you guys to be naked or not."
"We do! Unfortunately, Trixie doesn't have a good dress among her things, but the pocket change from those bounty hunters the other day should cover it." She twisted her head around, searching the various shops that lined the streets. "There! There's a dress shop! Trixie will pick something out, and then we can find a shop that can sell us a suit for you!"
"No, that's okay. Take out the canteen. I'll take a dress too."
Trixie's happy grin slowly faded, shrinking as her brow furrowed. She didn't speak again until Ranma had already crossed the street and parked the wagon.
"Wait, we're doing what, now?"

"Now this is what I'm talking about. I think I'll go for the red. Yellow looks good on me too, but I want bolder colors." Ranma pushed a wing between several dresses hanging from a metal beam, separating one from the outfits next to them.
"Oh, definitely! A red matching to your mane will look lovely against your coat, as well!" A unicorn mare with a pair of glasses on her muzzle and a strip of measuring tape wrapped loosely around her neck paced around Ranma, looking her over while the pegasus rummaged through the dresses. "What kind of build are you looking for? Bustle?"
"Bleagh, no thanks. Give me something tighter. Needs to show off a little leg, too."
"Saucy!" the salespony giggled. "Are you trying to catch somepony's attention?"
"Yeah, kind of," Ranma chuckled. "Oh! And make sure the skirt covers my mark, okay?"
"No problem, babe," the seamstress assured her with a wink. Then her eyes briefly darted to the side, and her smile dimmed a bit.
"Uhm... Is your friend here for something too? She, uh... She hasn't moved since she entered the shop."

Indeed, Trixie was standing just inside the entrance to the store. She was staring forward, presumably at Ranma, but her expression was so utterly blank that the salespony had to consider that the other pony might have suffered some kind of aneurism.
Ranma flapped a wing in Trixie's general direction, still scrutinizing the dresses. "Yeah, she's fine. Just give me a minute to sort this out and then she'll pick something up too." She pushed her way to a shining crimson dress with a shroud curling over the bodice. "Okay, I'm liking this... is there a tail hole, or does it go under?"
"That design doesn't have a tail hole, although I often add them for customers who want them." The seamstress levitated her tape measure over Ranma's back. "The wings are also a custom alteration if you want a good fit. It's not a big deal if they're going to be folded all night, but if you actually plan on flying at all, you could tear it otherwise."
"Heh, thanks! You know your stuff!"
"It's not a problem, babe!" the mare chirped, withdrawing her tape measure. "Let me go get my things, and then we can do a fitting. I can get you a towel, too; your mane is really damp."

The salespony trotted off into the back room, leaving her two customers alone. Ranma went back to perusing the dresses, mumbling quietly to herself. Trixie seemed to snap out of her stunned state, and she approached the pigtailed mare at the dress racks.
"Why are you good at this?" Trixie asked suspiciously.
Ranma seemed surprised by the question. "What? Dressing up? Humans wear clothes all the time!" she scoffed. "Seriously, I was relieved you guys even HAVE dress shops! It's gotta be hard to make a living doing this when all your customers spend most of their time naked!"
Trixie's brow furrowed. "And in human society, males wear dresses?"
"For all you know," Ranma replied.
Trixie continued staring.
"Okay, okay, fine. No, guys don't usually wear dresses where I'm from. But I actually turn into a girl, so it's okay," Ranma explained with a roll of her eyes.
"Trixie isn't arguing that it's not okay, Trixie just finds it odd how... pleased you seem while shopping for mare's clothes," the magician said. "Putting aside that you specifically wanted to shop for clothes and attend a social function as a mare at all when you actually have a choice in the matter."
"It's all for The Plan," Ranma assured her, patting the unicorn on the shoulder. "Don't worry so much! Look around and pick out a nice dress! I'm thinking something in silver for you, and really elaborate. Maybe also a different hat? Think about it."
Trixie found she didn't feel nearly as confident putting her faith in Ranma's ideas when his reassurance wasn't accompanied by effusive praise for her. Before she could interrogate her further, however, the salespony emerged from the back room again.
"All ready for you, babe! Try it on, and then we can make the final adjustments! You're going to need those wing holes to get away from all the stallions galloping after you!" the seamstress gushed.
Ranma winked at Trixie. "Browse a bit and find something nice to wear. I've got this." Then she followed the salespony into the dressing room, leaving Trixie alone on the sales floor.

"...... Trixie is beginning to think she's made a terrible mistake."

"Yes, Trixie was correct. This is a terrible mistake."
Ranma and Trixie were seated on opposite ends of the bed in their hotel room. The dresses they had purchased for tomorrow's party were packed in a bag in the corner of the room, while their respective traveling clothes were hung up on hooks by the door.
Ranma quirked an eyebrow. "What? What's wrong with my idea? This'll be easy!"
"There are so many things wrong with it that Trixie struggles to wrap her considerable intellect around all of them," the unicorn retorted sharply. "For starters, you STILL haven't explained how you intend to physically get Trixie into the party!"
Ranma snorted. "Oh, come on. That's nothing. I don't even need to plan that part."
"This is exactly what Trixie means! Trixie does not share your baseless confidence in any of this!" the magician complained. "What makes you think it will be so easy to defeat security? What makes you think nopony will notice we don't belong there? What makes you think you - YOU, of all ponies - will be able to catch Prince Blueblood's attention? Every other crazy thing you just said depends on those things working out!"
Ranma shook her head. "Trix, you're getting caught up on the details. Calm down and leave this to me."
"How can Trixie just leave it to you?! This entire plot is absurd!"
"Is it really any sillier than your plan to have me date a rebel sorcerer and then let her lead me back to her hideout?" Ranma scoffed.
"That was different, obviously. It was Trixie's plan, and the stakes didn't allow for us to back down," the unicorn retorted. "Trixie hasn't exactly been impressed by your strategic wit so far, least of all in the social arena."
Ranma frowned, staring hard at her employer and traveling companion. Trixie stared back defiantly, daring him to argue the point.
"Trix, do you really not want to do this?" she asked with a sigh. "I'm not going to fight with you about it. If you don't want to meet Blueblood, we can find something else to do at the ball."
Trixie's eye twitched. "So we're already presuming that we're definitely going to the dance?" she asked blithely.
"Well, yeah, obviously. I mean, we bought dresses already. Come on." Ranma paused to clear her throat. "But if you're embarrassed to make a move on a Prince, I'm not going to force you. I mean, honestly, I kind of think you can do better than him anyway. But you seemed really gung-ho before we got into the dress store."
Trixie quivered slightly as she felt her ego start to inflate again, but firmly held the feeling down this time. "Trixie did get a bit excited, but is now mainly concerned with you humiliating both of us with your recklessness." Then she paused. "Trixie is also SLIGHTLY perturbed by how happy you are playing dress-up and plotting the seduction of stallions. You couldn't even complete your fake date with Song without breaking down."
"Stop making it sound weird, Trix." The pigtailed pony shifted on the bed to lie down. "So let's say you DID trust that I could get you and Prince Bluey together. Would you do it then?"
Trixie didn't answer right away, glancing around the room and shifting her legs. Normally she would have laughed and confirmed it in a moment. Of course she would claim the Prince as her own, she would say, assuring her bodyguard that Trixie's only concern was how little she faith she had in Ranma's competence, acting, and understanding of her fellow equine.
But she didn't say that.
"Trixie... hasn't thought much about it," the magician admitted. "Trixie was being serious when she said Trixie doesn't have a crush on Prince Blueblood. He is the epitome of fine, upper-class stallionhood, so in theory Trixie could settle for nothing less. But..."
Ranma arched an eyebrow when Trixie trailed off. "But what? You don't know the guy? He could be a total jerk in private? Is that the problem?"
"Trixie would be shocked - disappointed, really - if Prince Blueblood WASN'T a total snob," Trixie said, shaking her head. "It's just... Trixie never seriously considered such a thing."
"Dating a Prince?"
"Dating in general." Trixie's cheeks flushed slightly, and she pursed her lips anxiously. It felt very strange to her to be talking to another pony about this subject. "Trixie has been on the road most of her life, traveling from town to town and making her fortune in fits and starts. Trixie has had plenty of fans, obviously, and the occasional... rendezvous, when the mood strikes her..." she coughed, again avoiding eye contact with the cursed pony beside her. "... But Trixie has never had a special somepony, or even thought about having a special somepony. It's practically never occurred to Trixie."
The magician locked eyes with Ranma again. "And now suddenly we're talking about Trixie dating a PRINCE? Don't misunderstand; Trixie would love to have the sort of fame and wealth that comes from marrying into a royal family. Trixie could only dream of financing the greatest shows Equestria has ever seen and using the esteemed name of the royal family to draw crowds of the rich and famous! And, of course, it would be nice to be able to simply perform without worrying about Trixie's income."
"Wait, you'd still be doing magic shows if you became Mrs. Blueblood?" Ranma asked.
"Trixie would certainly want to, which is a problem." The blue mare sighed and tossed her head to clear her mane from her eyes. "Trixie would enjoy a life of leisure and riches, but Trixie could never be satisfied by it. Trixie's cutie mark calls her to the stage; to enthrall the masses and share her brilliance and glory with the world!" She puffed out her chest and sat taller, as if she was speaking to an audience then and there.
"This whole cutie mark thing sounds like kind of a hassle, honestly," Ranma noted. "You have to do whatever dumb thing shows up on your butt? That's no way to live."
Trixie's expression darkened. "You have one too, you know."
"Well, sure. But mine doesn't mean anything, so I can ignore it." Ranma spread a wing and then lightly slapped the eight-pointed star on her flank.
Trixie sighed, annoyed at the diversion. "Whatever. Shut up. As Trixie was saying, some ponies give up their careers for their love, but Trixie's destiny is too strong for that. Trixie finds Prince Blueblood attractive, and would obviously appreciate never having to struggle for a living ever again, but Trixie fears that to be his special somepony would see her cooped up in a tower in Canterlot like a bird in a cage." She shook her head.
"But what if you actually like him? You're not even really talking about Blueblood, just all the stuff he could do for you," Ranma pointed out.
"Trixie is not what you'd consider the romantic sort," she admitted wryly. "If Trixie wanted to settle down, she would just select a stallion and settle down. But the Great and Powerful Trixie has little time and patience for love. The idea of sneaking into a royal ball and seducing a Prince is the stuff of Trixie's stories."
"So was fighting giant monsters and vanquishing evil villains!" Ranma pointed out.
"Correct. But Trixie isn't especially pleased that you've helped her live the high drama that is part and parcel of her act." Trixie lifted up the MacGuffin Stone with her magic, spinning the gem around in the air over her upraised hoof.

Ranma shrugged her shoulders and rolled over onto her back. "Well, I didn't know all that. That's fine. We can just raid the buffet line or something."
"Trixie is still honestly perplexed that you want to go, but if you can really get us in Trixie could think of worse ways to kill an afternoon." She floated the MacGuffin Stone into a drawer next to the bed, and then closed it.
Then she turned to Ranma with a thoughtful expression. "Say... since we're on the topic of special someponies, what about you?"
Ranma's expression soured. "You had a front-row seat to my only run of horse romance. Bleagh. If I never see Swan Song again, it will be too soon."
"As entertaining as that whole fiasco was, Trixie didn't mean that," Trixie clarified. "Back on your home planet, when you were a human. Do you have a special... uh... somehuman?"
Ranma's expression did not improve. "Yeah. Kind of. I'm engaged."
"Engaged to be married?" Trixie asked, the surprise evident in her voice. "Interesting! Who is the lucky female primate?"
Ranma didn't answer right away. "...... There are a few of them, actually. I was engaged to three girls."
"Oh-HO! You stud, you!" Trixie smirked down at the martial artist. "And here Trixie thought you were a virgin!"
"I am," Ranma said evenly. "I never fooled around with any of them."
Trixie's smirk weakened. "Huh. Still, it must have been nice having your own little herd."
"No, it wasn't."
Trixie's smirk vanished entirely. Another awkward silence ensued. Ranma rolled onto her side, facing away from Trixie.
"... Trixie suspects that your suddenly dour mood doesn't stem from the reminder of being cruelly separated from your distant suitors," Trixie mumbled. "You don't miss them?"
"Well, I... I guess. I miss things ABOUT them, at least," Ranma hedged. "For example, it was a lot easier to get a free meal from them than from you. And it's not like I prefer being chased by local police and soldiers rather than girls."
"That's about as close to true love as Trixie expected from you, honestly."
"It's complicated, all right? Let's just turn in," Ranma grumbled.
The martial artist felt the bed shift under her, and then a furry body dropped onto her side. Trixie was now lying on top of the martial artist, shifting about to use the pegasus as a pony pillow.
"Trixie is deeply interested in your circumstances, but Trixie will let it go for now, out of respect for your feelings," the magician announced while she got comfortable.
"Respect my feelings? There's a first," Ranma grumbled.
"Hush, Calamity. Go to sleep. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow, and as usual you just might get us both killed." She pulled the covers over the both of them with a magical tug. "Good night."

Much of the next day passed in an unmemorable blur.
Ranma had eaten and left early. He didn't say why. He had taken his cloak with him, though, so Trixie was fairly certain the stallion would make an effort to be inconspicuous rather than wrecking anything under the guise of "Havoc." It was literally the least he could do to keep the local authorities from chasing them out of town.
Trixie didn't feel like studying stolen notes or practicing her magic tricks, so she had busied herself with reading the recent newspaper articles. There were a few interesting stories regarding the mayor, but Trixie's main interest were the stories about Twilight Sparkle and the rebellion. Naturally, those stories were also about Ranma, and by extension also about her.
Not that anypony could tell from the articles. The stories contained a surprising level of detail and (mostly inaccurate) speculation about the exploits of "Havoc," Blood Rite, and Swan Song, but they offered nothing but a few obtuse references to Ranma's companion. In most cases where it was noted that "Havoc" traveled with a unicorn mare, the stories confused Trixie for Swan Song. Trixie found it annoying, but she could only get so upset about the lack of attention; surely if she were to be correctly identified and associated with Havoc and the sorcerers she'd be branded as a rebel too. Considering her own fortune relied upon her notoriety, Trixie was sure she was better off being left out of the accounts of Havoc's travels.
Putting aside Trixie's impressively consistent omission, the articles were mostly breathless and hysterical accounts of the trail of destruction Ranma left behind him while Trixie tried to find a good place to host a magic show. Every story seemed to include pictures of scorched ruins or brutalized guards, even when Ranma wasn't directly responsible for the damage. Witness accounts made Havoc out to be a relentless, merciless monster that tore through pony warriors like they were wrapping paper and exploded frequently for no apparent reason. While the latter observation was basically correct, it was hard to square Ranma's reputation for relentless murder with the many accounts of all the not-dead guards that had been left in his path.
The most frustrating thing of all, of course, was the persisting rumor that Havoc had been the one to attack Princess Luna rather than Blood Rite and Swan Song. Granted, Luna apparently thought Ranma and Havoc were different ponies for some reason, so Trixie could understand why she wouldn't particularly care about some rebel scoundrel taking the fall alongside his master. But a more thoughtful Princess might have issued a public correction just for the sake of accuracy, or to spare the ludicrous and rapidly increasing bounty on said criminal's head. One might even consider it prudent for the sole reason that Luna knew somepony who ostensibly looked just like Havoc, but was innocent of fomenting rebellion and anarchy. Alas, no; speculation and rumors ran wild instead, telling tall tales of Havoc and Calamity (sometimes at the same time, which was obviously impossible) thrashing the Princess of the Moon in deadly combat for the sake of bloody revolution.
"Trixie should make a scrapbook," the magician mumbled to herself while several clippings floated around her head. "When Trixie finally writes her memoirs it would be nice to have this readily available to reference when the world started going completely insane around her."
She started piling the newspaper cutouts together, pushing the rest of the papers aside. Then a knock came on the door.

Trixie hopped off the bed and unlocked the door with her magic as she approached. "Good, Trixie's glad you're back. We need to-"
The door flew open, nearly striking Trixie in the muzzle. She recoiled in an instant, and her hat briefly fell over her eyes while she stumbled backward. Hooves pounded across the floor, and then the mare was shoved roughly into the side of the bed.
Trixie's hat fell off in the interim, and as she lay pinned against the bed frame she got her first look at her assailant. A thick-legged pegasus stallion, muscular and hard-bitten with a light blue coat. His wings were spread, ready to lift him off at a moment's notice, and a long dagger was clenched in his teeth and aimed firmly at Trixie's neck.
Behind the stallion, an earth pony mare with dark pink fur and a sword strapped to her flank trotted into the room and kicked the door closed behind her.
"What the hay is this?!" Trixie sputtered, trembling in a perfect mix of terror and rage.
The pegasus squinted his eyes at the unicorn, and then glanced at the other mare in askance.
She clicked her tongue as she looked over the room. "Tch! Looks like we might have a false lead. I don't see our bounty."
Trixie's eyebrow twitched. "MORE bounty hunters? Why do you clods always attack first and identify your target later?"
The other mare halted, regarding Trixie with an arched brow. "More, you say? You run into a lot of hired justice, filly?"
"'Hired justice?' Is that seriously what you thugs call yourself?" Trixie fumed. "You have an innocent mare held at sword point in her own hotel room, and you have the NERVE to associate yourself with justice?! Apologize to Trixie at once!"
The two bounty hunters shared an incredulous look, rather surprised at how agitated the mare was. This wasn't the first time they had jumped an innocent pony, and most of them tended to be more cooperative with a dagger so close to their throat.
"Okay, okay, let's just calm down here," the mare said, wagging a hoof in the air. "We came here on a tip, but it was pretty vague. Wouldn't surprise me at all if it was wrong." Then she smirked. "But of course, we'll have to check the room, you see. It would be pretty boneheaded to leave when our guy could just be under the bed or in the closet or something."
Trixie seemed to calm down considerably. Her trembling ceased, her muscles relaxed, and she glared coldly at the other mare. "It was boneheaded of you to assault the Great and Powerful Trixie, no matter who may be hiding here. Apologize and leave at once, or you'll regret it."
The earth pony furrowed her brow. "Are you seriously threatening me, filly? In your position?"
"That didn't sound like an apology to me," said a voice from behind the bounty hunters.
"Correct," Trixie agreed. "Do what you must."

The mercenary mare reacted immediately to the voice behind her, wasting no time to contemplate how somepony had gotten behind her when she'd closed the door. She kicked out instantly, but her hooves cut through empty air.
Ranma had already dodged away, moving alongside the flank that held the intruder's sword. She swiped at the weapon, striking its crossbar and launching it straight out of its sheath into the stallion pinning Trixie.
With an audible crack, the pommel slammed into the earth pony's jaw. He recoiled, shouting in pain, while his blade tumbled onto the floor at Trixie's hooves.
The magician wasted no time. As soon as she was free she picked up the dagger with her levitation magic and plunged it into the stallion's leg. He yelped again, only to have Trixie's hat fly into his face and block his view.
"You cad!" the female bounty hunter jumped away from Ranma, trying to get some space to draw her back-up weapon. Ranma kept pace easily, matching her speed and predicting her movements. One jab into the mare's cheek staggered her, and then Ranma spun around and bucked the bounty hunter into the wall.
She cried out at the impact, barely able to keep herself from collapsing onto the floor. "You... You're... Calamity!" she gasped, her legs trembling. "What are you doing here, you crook?!"
Ranma groaned. "Oh, whatever. You don't get to act scared and angry at me after busting into some innocent mare's hotel room and shoving a knife in her face."
An agonized wail followed his statement, and Ranma turned her head around. Trixie was on top of the other bounty hunter, who was bleeding from his foreleg and had his face covered by Trixie's hat and magical aura. She stomped on the stallion relentlessly, growling pony profanities while she hammered him underhoof.
"... Well, okay, maybe 'innocent' is a bit too much. But still, you didn't come here for Trix, so don't bother Trix," Ranma insisted as she turned back to her opponent.
The bounty hunter leapt forward, teeth clenched against the pain in her legs. Attached to one forehoof was a thin, curved blade, like a hawk's talon, and it stabbed for Ranma's chest in a desperate last-ditch attack.
Ranma leaned out of the way, bit onto her leg, and then slugged the mare back into the wall. The bounty hunter collapsed in a daze, her eyes spinning in her skull.

"Ow! Ow! Quit it! I give up, already!" the male hunter cried while Trixie pummeled him. His forelegs were shielding his face from the unicorn's hooves while one wing stood straight up in an attempt to surrender.
Trixie raised a foreleg again, her breath heaving. "Apologize for what you did!"
"I'm sorry! Seriously! We didn't know you only had the small bounty with you! We're after that Havoc guy! Please let me go!" the stallion begged.
Trixie clicked her tongue and turned away. "Tch! What a waste of time. Get out of Trixie's room, and take your idiot partner with you!"
Trixie barely took one hoofstep away when the pegasus snapped his wing to the side to draw a hidden blade. She didn't even realize what was wrong, in fact, until a gray and red streak brushed past her.
Ranma struck the stallion like a lightning bolt, sending him spinning across the room. The bounty hunter hit the wall next to the closet, and his hidden knife bounced onto the floor at Trixie's hooves before he slumped into an unconscious heap.

Trixie looked down at the weapon, and then back at the pegasus comatose on the floor. "For a bunch that calls themselves 'hired justice,' they don't act much different from the hired criminals," she sniffed, kicking away the blade. "Put the mare next to the other idiot."
Ranma did so, and Trixie levitated some rope from the bounty hunters' equipment and started binding the two intruders. "It seems we'll be checking out today, since there are bounty hunters moving in on us already. We'll leave these two for the maids to clean up."
"That works. I think the party is already starting at the mayor's place," Ranma said, glancing toward the restroom. "I just need a few minutes to get ready. You have a makeup kit?"
Trixie turned to the martial artist with an expression halfway between incredulous and resigned. "We have bounty hunters breaking down our door to get us, and you STILL want to go goof off with the snobs?"
"Sure! I spent all morning checking the place out. Security's real tight, so there's no way they'll get past the guards to bug us," Ranma reasoned.
"But we will?"
Ranma nodded, a smirk plastered on her face.
Trixie sighed, and then started magically rummaging through her bags. "Fine. Trixie has already neglected her better judgment so far. What's one or two more disasters?" She levitated a small wooden box over to Ranma. "Here's Trixie's stage kit. Let Trixie explain the different kinds of makeup and how to use them, and then..."
She trailed off when Ranma snickered. The redhead stepped up to Trixie and patted a hoof against her cheek.
"You're adorable, Trix." Without any further explanation, Ranma took the box in her mouth and trotted into the bathroom. The door clicked shut behind her.

Trixie stared at the restroom door, utterly perplexed.
A loud creak came from behind the door.
Then a banging noise. Followed by several more banging noises and a sound like cracking tile.
Trixie grew progressively more alarmed as the noise from within the hotel restroom grew in volume and variety. Splashing, grinding, and a curiously rhythmic hammering all competed in her imagination while she tried to imagine what kind of catastrophe was happening on the other side of the entrance.
"Ranma? Are you okay?" Trixie asked, placing a hoof against the door. Her tone of voice wavered, as if she was trying to ask sarcastically but was inhibited by actual concern.
"Yeah! It's a little tough to do all this stuff without hands!" Ranma called back. A thumping noise came from within, followed by an alarmingly loud crash.
"Trixie was offering to help you!" the magician huffed.
"Don't worry! I've got this!" Ranma assured her as the bedlam's violent pitch rose even further.
Then, suddenly, the noise stopped. Trixie backed up from the door, unsure as to what kind of devastation she should expect on the other side. The door opened.

"All done! You can go ahead, Trix," chirped a mysterious pegasus that Trixie had never seen before.
A long, rich mane flowed over one side of the mare, hanging past one wing in large, bouncing curls that never quite touched the floor. The bright red hair was the color of blood, but shined with a finish like polished copper. The pony's fur, normally a plain, ash-like gray, was dusted at the tips with ivory to make it look several shades lighter. The mare's face was a picture of perfection, complete with eyeliner, blush, and ruby-red lipstick stretched over a calm smile. Her wings were threaded with black silk ribbons, and her tail was arched such that it resembled a bouncing red curtain before her rear, again nearly - but not quite - dragging along the floor. That was all on top of the dress, of course.
The pegasus noticed her slack-jawed staring and smirked, pausing in the middle of the room. "You like? I told you I knew what I was doing."
Trixie recoiled suddenly, snapping out of her trance. "R-Ranma? Is that... Is that YOU?"
Ranma laughed, stepping to the side and then turning in a circle. Her mane and tail flowed behind her in an elegant crimson circle with the motion. "Surprised, huh? I knew the dress was a good pick!"
The dress absolutely was, although Trixie wasn't focused on that. She slowly turned to look into the bathroom.
It was in surprisingly good shape. There were a few small puddles of water on the floor, and a few hoofprints hammered into the tile walls here and there, but the damage seemed entirely out of proportion to the noise she had heard. More importantly, there didn't seem to be a tomboy of a pegasus hiding out anywhere inside while somehow generating an illusory image of a veritable equine goddess. Trixie would have been far less shocked if this was the result of some incomprehensible alien witchcraft dressed up as "martial arts." But alas, the gorgeous redheaded mare in the middle of the hotel room was in fact Trixie's bodyguard, Ranma Saotome.
Trixie looked toward Ranma again, her expression deeply suspicious again. "WHY are you good at this?!"
"I have other talents besides just hitting people," Ranma chuckled, spreading a wing. "Besides, if I'm going to be a chick, I at least want to be a hot one, you know?"
"Trixie would have guessed you'd want the exact opposite, actually," the unicorn admitted.
Ranma trotted up to the bed and the pair of bounty hunters that laid next to it. "I'm going to search these guys for valuables and then head out to get us in. You go ahead and get ready. Just wait for me at the front entrance to the Mayor's house and I'll meet you there."
"This is so weird," Trixie mumbled, levitating her dress ahead of her. It was a light, silvery gown that she picked out for the sake of being flashy and eye-catching while still hugging her body in a way that the stallions would surely appreciate. Now it seemed almost reserved. It was more than a little galling. She took a deep breath and closed the door behind her.

Ranma hummed lightly to herself as she trotted down the streets. Her head was held high and her wings were partially spread, as if she was preparing to take off at a moment's notice. It was an extension of her martial arts training - or retraining, as it were - to be ready to vault into the air at a moment's notice. It also had the effect of making the pegasus look like she was posing for a painting. Combined with the dress, she was turning the head of nearly every pony in the streets, and few of the stallions tripped or ran into mail boxes while their eyes were locked on her.
As amusing as it was, however, the cursed equine wasn't here to get attention. Not yet, at any rate. Ranma turned sharply into an alley, slipping into the shadows between two multi-story apartments. Creeping close to the wall, yet being mindful of her dress, she moved to the opposite end of the alley and peeked over a dumpster.

The Mayor's house lay across the street immediately outside the alley, surrounded by a high wall. The wall itself was some ten feet high and easily scalable, with webs of ivy clinging to the side and the occasional tree adjacent. She could see large balloons and thin streams of smoke over the top of it, and violin music was barely audible coming from the other side.
Of course, given that a third of all ponies could fly, including Ranma's current body, the wall was entirely inadequate as a barrier on its own. A ring of armored pegasi flew lazy circuits around the backyard of the residence, constantly scanning the surrounding streets for any sign of suspicious activity. Ranma had already confirmed that morning that the unicorns and earth ponies were all standing guard around the house itself, in the front. This area had the fewest number of eyes watching, but there were still too many for her to get through easily without being spotted.
Ranma searched the ground next to the dumpster, and then spotted a glass bottle on the ground next to it. Biting onto the bottle's neck, and silently ruing the fact that she still hadn't mastered holding things with hooves, the martial artist took aim at a pair of pegasi soldiers flying high over the alley. She snapped her head to the side and let go of the makeshift projectile.
She was rewarded with a direct hit on one of the soldiers, striking him in the side of the head. The pegasus wobbled unsteadily from the blow, and his helmet was knocked off and plummeted to the ground.

"Ow! What the hay?!"
"Did somepony just throw garbage at you? Where did that come from?"
The pegasi turned in the air, and they managed to catch a glimpse of bright red vanishing into the shadows of an alley. Grimacing, they flew over the street and swooped in.
"Who the hay throws trash at ponies? Stupid vagrants..."
"Probably just some colt trying to stir up trouble," mumbled the other one, dropping down a little lower to look behind the dumpster. "Let's stick to our patrol. This isn't-"
His partner let out a yelp as a red blur dropped on top of him out of the air, striking him in his unprotected head. A mid-air kick sent the pegasus guard flailing into an apartment wall, and he bounced off and dropped into the dumpster.
Ranma flipped away from the kick, and then dove right on top of the other guard, landing on his back. The stallion started shouting and flapping his wings desperately, but nonetheless hit the ground before he could steady himself.
"Shhhhhh..." Ranma wrapped her forelegs around the other pony's neck, strategically applying pressure. The guard's panicked cries trailed off into wheezing as his air supply was cut off. "Nothing personal, pal. I just need you to take a nap for me."
After a few more seconds, the guard's wings stopped flapping frantically and his struggles ceased. Ranma let go of the other pegasus and stood up from his unconscious body. A toss of her hoof sent the second guard into the dumpster next to his partner, both of them out of sight.
"All clear," she mumbled, taking a moment to smooth out her dress and shake out her mane. Then she poked her head out and looked back and forth down the street.
Seeing that the only ponies around were scattered pedestrians who weren't paying attention, she bolted toward the wall. In a blur of crimson, Ranma leapt up over it and landed in a tree that hung over the barrier. Her landing barely disturbed the tree's branches, and she paused for a moment to listen for any shouts of surprise or calls for security.
Instead, the only sounds to reach her were the soft cacophony of numerous conversations from the yard below, along with the violin music playing from a stage in the corner.
"I'm in."

Ranma dropped down from her tree and quickly brushed herself off with her wings. "Heh. That was easy. I can't believe Trix seriously thought we couldn't get in. Heck, I'll bet she could bluff her way through the front gate without me." She shook her head, smirking.
She still wasn't sure why Trixie had been so shocked at the idea of infiltrating the ball. While Ranma generally considered herself a law-abiding person, she didn't see anything wrong with a crime so petty as slipping into a party uninvited. There must have been a hundred guests here; what was two more? A free dinner was the least she and Trixie deserved after helping save Equestria with just about zero recognition, as far as Ranma was concerned.
As the redhead made her way through the yard, her eyes inevitably strayed toward the buffet table. While she'd never completely get used to a vegetarian diet, the arrangements of fruits, pastries, and roasted vegetable platters on display almost had her salivating. It was quite a departure from the bulk grain and cheap roots that he and Trixie ate out on the road.
The scent of cooked herbs reached her nostrils, and her stomach growled loudly enough for a pair of stallions nearby to be startled out of their conversation. Initially ready to glare and admonish such a breach of decorum, the well-heeled ponies remained silent once they got an eyeful of the feathered beauty trotting past. One of them released a low whistle, and then paused to adjust his monocle.
Ranma's ear twitched, and she stopped in her tracks. With a tilt of her head, she gave the stallion who whistled a sidelong glance, and he broke out into a nervous sweat. Then she turned and walked toward him. The dapper pony was fully expecting to be subjected to a cutting insult or withering glare, but the redheaded beauty regarded him with a syrupy smile instead.
"Excuse me, but do you think you can help me out?" the pegasus asked with a flutter of eyelashes. "This party is for the Mayor, right? I'm new in town, and came in with a friend. Which pony is the Mayor?"
The stallion cleared his throat and took a moment to adjust his bow tie. "Ah, I see! Old Robber Baron is right over there, speaking to Prince Blueblood!" He pointed a hoof across the yard to a gazebo next to the musician's stage.
Ranma looked over the pair, recognizing the blond unicorn Prince immediately. The pony he was talking to was a tan earth pony with a thick, black mustache and top hat.
"I see him. 'Robber Baron,' huh?" She giggled briefly. "So what's his name?"
"That is his name," the stallion replied, looking slightly confused, "Mayor Robber Baron."
"He prefers to go by Mayor Baron," the other stallion clarified, "for obvious reasons."
Ranma fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Right, I'll keep that in mind... thanks!" She winked and stepped past the stallion, brushing her wing along his side and ruffling his suit jacket. He flushed and started stuttering, but Ranma sped up and rapidly moved out of earshot before he could say anything else.

"What the hay is Trixie even doing here?"
Trixie trudged down the street, her gait and pace more appropriate for a pony headed to a dungeon than a fancy party. She looked resplendent in her silvery ball gown, although she didn't stand out quite as much as she had expected. Numerous other ponies around her were also headed to the Mayor's house, all of them dressed in their finest, most decadent attire.
If asked, Trixie would happily compare herself favorably to any one of them, but seeing a crowd of such ponies trotting past just reminded the magician that she hadn't actually been invited to the event she was headed to. She didn't know any of the ponies that she would presumably be mingling with. She didn't possess their status. She wasn't one of them. Why, if she'd tried to enter the party honestly, she'd be tossed out as a vagrant or fraudster! Which weren't completely inaccurate labels, but still.
Bounty hunters were literally beating Trixie's door down half an hour ago and Ranma wants to sneak into the single largest concentration of guards in the entire city just so he can raid the buffet line, Trixie thought, her ears folding down against her head. Is he TRYING to get Trixie run out of literally every town we visit? Because his record speaks for itself.
Down the street lay the Mayor's house, surrounded by a ring of Royal Guards. The earth ponies formed a wall of equine muscle and glittering steel, while a small squad of unicorns cleared people through the blockade after checking their invitations.
The logical thing would be to turn back, obviously. Maybe even pick up her cart and leave town while Ranma stalked about. It was hardly the first time she'd made this mental calculation and reached that same conclusion. But in the end her choice was always the same.
Trixie stepped into line.

Barely two minutes passed while Trixie waited, her eyes darting from one polished steel spear to another. Each time the pony ahead of her stepped forward she felt her stomach flip, knowing she was one step closer to the front. Her normal showmare's wit, which she had used to push frankly ridiculous lies to perfectly competent guards in the past, was drawing a complete blank. Out of all the plans, strategies, and clever sleights Trixie came up with working with Ranma Saotome, she'd never faced a challenge as harrowing as blindly trusting that he knew what he was doing.
The pony ahead of her trotted forward. Trixie, with her head down, started to follow, but nearly ran into a halberd falling in front of her muzzle.
"Just a moment, please," said a gruff voice on her right. "May I see your invitation, Miss?"
Trixie swallowed, raising her gaze to the armored unicorn. A second passed, and then another. The guard's eyebrow slowly lifted, and his expression changed into an impatient frown.
"Trix! You made it!"

It was difficult to describe the heady mix of emotions that filled Trixie's thoughts as Ranma trotted happily up to the checkpoint. Relief, certainly, and a small amount of surprise that the martial artist really had managed to get into the party without creating any apparent ruckus, all with a mild undercurrent of resentment that she had been left in panicked suspense up until then. The unicorn guard was still frowning at the magician, but his expression swiftly blanked once he glanced over at the mare approaching from the front entrance.
Ranma grinned, waving a wing at her traveling companion. "Glad you could make it! The food looks AMAZING! C'mon in!"
The guard stared at Ranma appreciatively for a few seconds, and then glanced back at Trixie. "Uhm, is she... with you, Miss?"
"Yeah. You can let her through," the pegasus said, her grin shrinking to a satisfied smirk.
The other stallions seemed all too happy to comply, and they smiled broadly at the redheaded mare. The halberd that had blocked Trixie's path swung upward, and the unicorn levitating it offered her a bashful, goofy grin.
The unicorn guard accepting the invitations hesitated, his eyes wandering over Ranma's body longer than was strictly professional. "May I see your invitation? I, uh... I don't mean to be difficult, Miss... but I don't recall seeing you come in." He pursed his lips, clearly unhappy about this fact. "I feel like I would have remembered you."
Trixie fully expected Ranma's ruse to fall apart at this point, and was already preparing her smoke bomb spell when the martial artist chuckled.
"I'll bet you say that to all the mares," she taunted, turning and flicking her other wing at the stallion. "Here you go, big guy." An invitation - tucked firmly under her feathers before now - was released to the air, and the guard eagerly caught it in the grip of his magical aura.
His pleased expression turned to confusion, and he squinted at the paper. "Your name is... Frederick Goldwhinny?"
"Sure. Why not." Ranma turned away, winking to Trixie. "Coming, dear?"

And with that, Trixie was inside.
The unicorn didn't dare speak a word until they had passed through the front door and finally escaped the leering gazes of a dozen stallions fixated on Ranma's flank.
"Trixie isn't going to ask how you got in here and got somepony else's invitation," the magician whispered once she was sure they were out of sight of anypony with weapons, "but Trixie wants to know how many ponies got injured in the process."
"No one got 'injured' Trix," Ranma scoffed, rolling her eyes.
Trixie narrowed her eyes. Ranma tried to pretend she wasn't doing that. This standoff lasted a good four seconds before the pegasus backed down.
"Okay, fine, so one pony took a good blow to the head. Light concussion at WORST," she admitted. "Another guard I got in a sleeper hold. Barely a scratch on him, I swear."
"That's it?" Trixie pressed.
"That's it. I swiped the invitation without hurting anybody. Promise." She swept a wing to her chest and nodded solemnly.
Trixie turned away, her gait visibly relaxing. "Trixie has to admit, she's impressed. Everything is going perfectly and it's just so... subtle and non-destructive. At least, by your standards. Trixie doesn't think it's okay to hurt a Royal Guard just so we can sneak into a party, but still."
"Trust me, when you get a load of the spread you'll agree it was worth it!" Ranma assured her, licking her lips.
The pegasus was quite gratified that this actually got a laugh out of the entertainer. "Trixie's quite sure. What's a few torn feathers when there's cake on offer? Ha!"

"By my Aunt, this is DULL."
Coming from most ponies, the whinging disparagement would have been met with a scornful frown or a condescending roll of the eyes. The tiresome complaints of the noble class, bemoaning the banality of constant luxury and freedom from anything resembling hardship, were hard to take seriously even from their peers. Most considered it a matter of basic grace and dignity to at least suffer the trials of jaded boredom without complaint, if for no other reason than a sneaking suspicion that there were much worse problems for a pony to have.
Alas, Prince Blueblood was not most ponies. Mayor Robber Baron winced while the blond stallion drained a goblet of wine with reckless speed, and he considered his next words carefully.
"If you'd rather retire to your estate, Prince, you needn't stay long. I'd just like you to meet each of the ponies I recommend to succeed me as Mayor, and then you can be on your way."
"UGH," the Prince groaned, eliciting an annoyed twitch from the Mayor. "How many more of the sycophants are there?"
"Ah... you've met with two of seven, Prince."
"UGH," Blueblood repeated, magically launching his goblet over the railing of the gazebo and into the bushes. "Bring me some more wine, and then some more of the hoof-lickers. Preferably in that order."
Once again, Mayor Baron restrained a frustrated groan at Blueblood's behavior. Turning to a nearby mareservant, he whispered in her ear for a few seconds. She gave a calm nod and walked off into the loose crowd of guests.
"Honestly though, I'm not especially looking forward to visiting my estate, either," Blueblood confessed with an aggravated snort. "Nothing much to occupy my time there. I thought maybe some rural scenery would be a pleasant change from the gilded extravagance of Canterlot." He sneered. "I was quite mistaken."
Mayor Baron continued to bite his tongue. Nopony considered Fillydelphia "rural," even compared to a vast urban sprawl like Manehattan or the majestic, if cramped, castles of Canterlot. "Pardon my impertinence, Prince, but is something the matter? You've been..." he chose his next words carefully, "unusually agitated since you arrived."
"Oh? Does it show?" The Prince's voice was rich with sarcasm, causing the Mayor to wince again. The mareservant returned swiftly with a pair of wine goblets balancing on a platter on her back, and as soon as they came within range Blueblood took them - both of them - into the grip of his telekinesis.
"I suppose I should apologize for my unseemly humor," Blueblood groused even as he levitated the wine onto the railing next to him. "Canterlot has been positively intolerable as of late."
"I... see, Prince..." Robber Baron wet his lips briefly. "Is there a particular reason why-"
"TREASON, Mayor. Treason, rebellion, anarchy, and all manner of chaos are wreaking Equestria asunder!" Blueblood declared. Then he paused to take a sip of wine, smacking his lips. "Or at least, that's the impression one would get from spending last week in the castle. All of pony society is in an absolute tizzy over this nonsense revolution."
"Nonsense revolution, Prince?"
"Indeed, for it's both!" Blueblood confirmed. "A revolution orchestrated so incompetently that it turned a grand total of three - at MOST four - ponies against the royal order and was apparently quashed during Princess Sparkle's escape attempt. The rebellion was so magnificently inept that it was undone by its one and only victory." He took another sip of wine. "Yet you'd think they've seized half the countryside to speak to any of the ninnies in the Senate! Everywhere I go, every conversation I dare partake, it's Havoc this, sorcerers that, everypony flee, for our guardians have failed and the sky is falling!"
He tilted the goblet into his gullet, gulping down far more of his drink than was advisable. "Pwah! The rumors are the worst of it. Half the imbeciles in Canterlot think General Firebrand is dead and his fate being covered up. The other half seem to think this is some sort of secret coup by Princess Luna, mostly based on the confusion over which of the rebels assaulted her and when. It's all quite ridiculous, and I'm perfectly tired of it all!"

The Prince finished off the first goblet, and then started scanning the other party guests, still fuming silently. The Mayor considered himself quite grateful for his sudden silence, and quietly beckoned an older earth pony mare over to the gazebo.
"Ah, Sundew Chimes! Over here!" he called, deliberately speaking in the Prince's direction more than the mare's. "I want you to meet someone! I believe you may have heard of him!"
The mare was yet another candidate to succeed him as Mayor, and Robber Baron at least was intent on getting on with the political aspect of the ball. While the Mayor chuckled at his own feeble joke, Sundew trotted up to the gazebo and tilted her head respectfully. Prince Blueblood didn't turn to look at her, his gaze fixed on something in the crowd of guests.
"It's an honor to meet you, Prince Bl-"
"I have one question for you, milady, and if you cannot answer me then I would thank you for wasting no more of my time," Blueblood interrupted. His wine goblet hovered next to him in the grip of his magic, rolling about such that the beverage within swirled within the cup.
Sundew Chimes blinked in surprise, but quickly steeled herself. "Of course, my Prince. What is it you wish to know?" She assumed that the Prince would ask a single important or deceptive political question, or perhaps ask about some esoteric nuance of bureaucracy.
"Tell me: who is that luscious, fiery-maned pegasus?" Prince Blueblood demanded, utterly crushing her expectations.
Both of the other politicians gaped briefly before trying to pick out the pony the Prince had spotted. It wasn't hard. Even among the crowd of dazzling colors and elaborate dresses, the blazing crimson of the mare's hair and outfit stood out with ease. Robber Baron could immediately appreciate the Prince's interest, despite the fact that there were more important affairs to see to. Sundew was more interested in the way that the pegasus was ravenously destroying the buffet line.
"What is she DOING? She's not even using a plate!" the mare gasped, scandalized. "Who gobbles up their food right there at the serving table?!"
"Yes, that's my question," Blueblood said evenly. "WHO?"
"I have no idea who that is," Sundew sniffed. "I wouldn't-"
"You may go now," Prince Blueblood interrupted, no longer interested in hearing her speak. "Mayor, do you know that mare?"
Robber Baron gave Sundew a chastened grimace as she quivered in anger. Then the mare departed, turning sharply away and trotting back toward the house. The Mayor felt for her but could do nothing; he couldn't force Blueblood to care about the mayorship any more than he could force his candidates to care about the Prince's irritations back home.
"No, Prince, I don't," Mayor Baron sighed. "I'm sure I'd recall her if I'd seen her before. Even if she hadn't been wearing such an... enticing outfit at the time." His moustache wiggled from side to side. "Now then-"
"If you don't know her, why is she here?" Blueblood interrupted again.
"I don't know every pony that could get into the ball," Robber Baron admitted. "Some of the guests I barely know and only invited out of courtesy. And everypony invited was allowed to bring a guest or two themselves. At a glance, I'd say I couldn't name some tenth of the ponies in the yard right now."
"I see." Blueblood took another gulp a wine, and then sighed happily before setting it on the gazebo railing. "Well then, since you've failed to give such an exquisite citizen sufficient attention, it seems it falls to me." A flash came from his horn, briefly sweeping his magical aura through his mane.
Robber Baron recoiled. "But Prince Blueblood, we still need to-"
"Say no more, Mayor," Blueblood warned as left the gazebo. "I think I'll take you up on your offer to retire early for today. I think I just found something to do at my estate..."

"Thish wash shuch a gooh ideh!" Ranma said around a mouthful of stuffed bell peppers, nearly drooling bits of food onto the edge of the buffet table. With a hefty gulp she swallowed the mass of garlic-roasted veggies, and then bit into a loaf of bread that was sticking out of a basket in the middle of the table.
"Ranma, would you slow the hay down?" Trixie hissed. "Ponies are STARING."
She herself was picking out items with her telekinesis and moving them onto her plate like any decent, civilized pony would. But Ranma wasn't really any of those things, and she seemed to be eager to prove it. The pegasus shifted from one dish to the next, shoving items directly into her mouth. Sometimes she'd slap a hoof against the end of a plate or a serving spoon, sending food arcing up into the air and snapping it up in her jaws on the way down. It was an impressive display, Trixie had to admit, both as a measure of sheer agility and gastronomic capacity. But Ranma had been attracting enough questionable attention even before she'd started devastating the buffet line.
The redheaded pegasus tilted her head up toward the sky with the loaf of bread still in her jaws, and then it rapidly sunk down into her gullet in a series of scarfing noises. A few gasps came from behind the martial artist, but if she noticed she certainly didn't seem to care. Trixie sighed and kept serving herself.
Ranma scanned the tables for her next target even while she licked crumbs from her lips. There was sushi on the far end of the table, and lasagna on the other. While both dishes were presumably vegetarian, and thus a far cry from the meaty human delicacies they mimicked, she'd been quite impressed by the pony cooking on display here.
As she hesitated in indecision, a stray thought wormed its way into her head. Why would aliens have Earth food, anyway? It was a continual oddity that so many things in Equestria perfectly paralleled human civilization, even when it didn't make sense, while other things were different enough to justify his theory that he was on a completely alien world.
They have pasta. They have sushi. Even the food made out of hay is cooked so that it's like other, better food! How did hayburgers even happen if ponies don't eat beef? She turned her gaze to the dessert table. It's the same over here. They have cake. They have pastries. They have chocolate-dipped strawberries.
And then, just like that, her train of thought instantly jumped tracks.
"THEY HAVE CHOCOLATE-DIPPED STRAWBERRIES." Ranma moved liked a pouncing tiger, dashing around and over numerous ponies that were obliviously standing between her and the dessert table. Those ponies recoiled or stumbled in confusion, having little idea what just happened aside from feeling a sudden wind and seeing a crimson blur.
Ranma screeched to a halt before the dessert table, her eyes sparkling in joy and wonder. A large, multi-tiered tower cake stood in the center, with a variety of lesser desserts clustered around it in groups. The martial artist loomed over a plate of chocolate-covered fruits, holding back only enough to keep herself from drooling on the table.
Her head darted forward, snapping up a strawberry in an instant. The ponies watching couldn't help but note the likeness to a bird pecking at seeds.
"Mmmm! They're so good!" Ranma sighed blissfully, her wings spreading of their own volition. "I take back everything bad I ever said about Equestria. Any country that comes up with chocolate on its own can't be all bad." She snapped up another strawberry, and then another.
Then, suddenly, one of the strawberries dodged.

That a chocolate-covered berry would evade her attempts to eat it was strange enough on its own that Ranma stood stunned for several seconds, her eyes pinned on the insolent dessert. Only when it started levitating off the plate, wrapped in a shimmer of light blue, did she figure out just what was happening.
"I see Mayor Baron outdid himself this time." The strawberry floated over Ranma's head as a rich, haughty voice came from behind her. "Both in terms of the desserts and the company."
Ranma turned her head around, her face stony and inscrutable. Prince Blueblood stood behind her, smiling broadly while his eyes roamed her backside. The strawberry floated just above his nose, quivering in the air.
"My name is Prince Blueblood, my dear. But I'm sure you knew that," the stallion said, tilting his head slightly. Then he took a small bite out of the strawberry. "Mmm! Perfect! And yet, I'll bet that you're even sweeter."
He levitated the half-eaten strawberry toward Ranma, who wrinkled her snout at the fruit hovering in front of her.
"Care for a trade? My treat for your name?" Blueblood grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Pass." Ranma turned her head around. There were still other strawberries left, and she promptly snatched up one of them in her jaws.
Blueblood's smile vanished. For several seconds he watched the pegasus eat in silence, and then glanced at the partially-eaten strawberry. Then he shrugged and finished eating it before stepping up alongside the redhead.
"Perhaps I came on a little strong. Would you tell me your name, milady?" Blueblood said, managing to smile this time without leering.
Ranma hovered over a plate of cupcakes uncertainly, her eyes darting between them and a basket of cookies. "The name is Saotome Ranma," she mumbled.
"Saotome... Ranma?" Blueblood arched an eyebrow. "That's quite exotic. Where are you from?"
"I'm from Japan, on Earth." Ranma stepped to the side, putting more distance between her and the unicorn while she observed her choice of confections.
Blueblood followed her without hesitation. "How odd! I've never heard of such a place!"
"I get that a lot," the pegasus mumbled before flipping an apple tart up into the air with her hoof. She tilted her head back to snap up the treat on the way back down.
Much to her mounting frustration, the tart halted in mid-air just inches from her tongue. Blueblood's levitation magic carried the dessert back to the table, and the stallion tsked lightly.
"As impressive as they are, such crude displays are not fit for the public, Miss Saotome," Blueblood chided. "If you'd like, we could continue this conversation in a more... private setting."
"What conversation?" Ranma asked, her voice thick with irritation. "I'm eating."
"But I simply must know more about this strange place called 'Earth,' and it would be so much easier to speak in a proper sitting room. My estate is merely a quick trot up the hill," Blueblood explained, pointing a hoof off to the side. "I have caterers at my beck and call. I can have an identical selection of desserts delivered to us within the hour if you so desire." Then he paused, looking over the cursed mare's flank again. "Although I can only imagine that a pony with your figure is normally more cautious with your sweets."
Ranma finally turned toward the Prince again, her eyes narrowed to slits. "I can only imagine that a pony with your teeth is normally more cautious with annoying people who are just trying to eat."
Blueblood blinked, turning that comment over in his mind. "I'm... not sure that I follow, Miss Saotome."
Ranma moved closer, placing a hoof on Blueblood's chest while their noses were barely an inch apart. This was more or less the arrangement he had been pursuing with his flirting, but for some reason the Prince felt his heart seize up rather than beat faster like it normally did.
"Leave. Me. Alone," Ranma said slowly, her tone perfectly frigid. Blueblood could swear that even the mare's hoof felt cold against his fur, which made no sense at all without some bizarre magical effect.
The stallion was quite offended by such a flat rejection, but managed to keep his composure. Gritting his teeth, Blueblood forced a smile onto his face as he met the redhead's eyes. "You didn't say the magic word," the Prince taunted.
"Leave me alone, or else," Ranma amended. The pressure against Blueblood's chest increased just enough that it started to hurt.
The royal unicorn was stunned, and his jaw fell open at the mare's words. "Are you... Are you THREATENING me?" Blueblood demanded, his suave calm rapidly crumbling before his anger.
"Are you still bugging me?" the martial artist countered. "I'm giving you fair warning, chump. I will absolutely-"
"All right, that's enough! Break it up, you two!"

Blueblood didn't recognize the voice suddenly shouting, and as such he ignored it. Ranma's reaction could not have been more different. To his surprise, the bizarrely aggressive pegasus immediately flinched away, and her ears flipped down in embarrassment. Her resemblance to a chastened filly was so quick and contrasted so harshly with her earlier stubbornness that Blueblood almost started laughing on the spot.
"Seriously, Trixie cannot leave you alone for ONE MINUTE!" growled a blue unicorn in a lovely silver dress while she stomped up to them. "And out of all the ponies here, you pick a fight with the Prince? What the hay is wrong with you?!"
"But Trix-" Ranma began.
"Don't 'but Trix' Trixie!" the magician snapped, raising a hoof and pointing it to the side. "You don't start fights with royalty! Why is this so hard for you to understand? You're lucky we don't have guards dogpiling us agai-erm, already! Go on! Get!"

Ranma dropped her head low and scurried away, biting her lower lip. Prince Blueblood watched the pegasus leave in stunned disbelief. How had the feisty redhead who had so easily brushed him off been humiliated by a brief scolding?
He finally peeled his eyes from Ranma's rear and began scrutinizing the mare who had stepped in. The unicorn was staring after Ranma with an expression of condescending irritation, which was instantly a point in her favor as far as Blueblood was concerned. She was certainly beautiful in her own right, with a rich blue coat and long curled mane that was a mix of silvery cyan hues. She was not as alluring or her body quite as sensual as the redhead, but the Prince found himself instantly intrigued.
"Trixie is very sorry about that," the mare said, heaving a sigh. "Trixie's bodyguard is a little too comfortable with confrontation." She shook her head. "She's not a bad pony at all, but Trixie would advise trying not to get between her and her food. Trixie hopes you'll excuse this offense."
"Uhm..." was about all Blueblood could manage as she bowed her head.
"You must be very busy. Please excuse Trixie, your highness." The blue unicorn turned away.
Prince Blueblood meant to speak up and stop her, but the words just wouldn't come. He found himself strangely cowed while the mare left, suddenly second-guessing himself and wondering what he should say. It was a strange, bizarre feeling, and before he could come to grips with it the mare in the silver dress had disappeared into the crowd.
"... So... wait, was Trixie the redhead? But, I thought her name was... Or was she..." Blueblood mumbled, feeling slightly lightheaded.

"You are UNBELIEVABLE," Trixie hissed, pushing Ranma along to a fairly secluded part of the yard so she could chastise the pegasus in private. "How do you always manage to pick a fight with the most powerful and important pony around in every situation? It's uncanny!"
"It wasn't my fault! He was coming on to me!" Ranma protested.
"So reject him! But don't THREATEN him!" Trixie snapped back. "And no, they are not the same thing!"
"I was rejecting him! And I wasn't really going to hit the guy, either!" the martial artist groaned. "He's just some lazy royal brat, not a soldier! I don't pick on weaklings, Trix."
"You don't need to hit him to have every guard on the property running us down!" Trixie huffed. Then she took a deep breath, calming herself. "The important thing is that Trixie intervened before you added another royal assault and public brawl to your list of charges. This is fine. Everything has actually been going surprisingly smoothly today."
"Why are you so surprised? I told you could trust me!" Ranma said, smirking.
Trixie shot him a look. "Trixie is still skeptical you can last the entire ball without getting in trouble, but honestly you've already exceeded Trixie's expectations. Just... TRY to keep from bothering anypony important, would you?"
"Okay, okay!" Ranma held up a hoof. "I swear I'll be good, Trix. I won't let us get chased out of the city again."
"Good," Trixie said with a cautious smile.
"So I think I should probably give this back to the Prince, then." Ranma lifted her wing, and a small emblem tumbled out onto the grass.
Trixie glanced down, and her eyes went wide. The emblem was a small golden seal with Blueblood's cutie mark printed on it. "Is that the royal seal?" she mumbled to herself, her breath catching.
"Yeah, I guess." Ranma shrugged.
"YOU STOLE THE-" Trixie coughed suddenly in mid-yell, and then lowered her voice considerably. "You stole the Prince's seal? Why? Why would you do that?"
"I didn't steal it! He dropped it!" Ranma said, her eyes suddenly refusing to meet Trixie's. "I was going to give it back to him! Maybe by shoving it in his mouth to stop him from talking. Or something. I hadn't decided."
"You... He... This... rrrrrrgh!" Trixie trembled in fury for a few seconds, and then she deflated. Her ears flipped down, and her horn started to glow. "Never mind. Trixie doesn't care." She levitated the seal up next to her, and then scanned the crowd for Blueblood. "Just stay here, eat all you want, and for Celestia's sake, do NOT HIT OR ROB ANYPONY ELSE. Is Trixie clear?"
"Crystal," Ranma confirmed, bobbing her head.

The magician's gaze lingered on Ranma suspiciously for a few seconds, but she eventually turned away and trotted off. Ranma watched her go, a smirk slowly spreading across her face.
"All according to plan," she whispered, sitting back and tapping the tips of her front hooves together. "Now it's just up to the royal jackass. If he can't seal the deal with an opening this perfect, then he was never good enough for Trix anyway."
After several seconds waiting in silence, Ranma suddenly frowned. "I don't really know what I'm supposed to do now, though. I guess I could spy on them and maybe try to help out, like Trix did for me and Swan, but that seems like a big hassle and I don't really want to see them getting cuddly or anything. I feel like I should just stay out of it from here."
Searching for something to do in the meantime, Ranma looked over the crowd of noble equines. Her gaze, however, eventually fell back on the buffet table, and in particular the section of it dedicated to desserts.
"...... I wonder if I can eat that whole cake."

"Ah, Prince. Back already? I take it you won't be departing early, then."
Mayor Robber Baron tried to keep his voice even, but it was hard not to let his irritation show. For Blueblood this entire event was a tiresome diversion from slightly more tiresome diversions back home. For Baron, the future of his town and his political legacy was at stake in Blueblood making in an informed decision.
The Prince clenched his jaw while he approached the gazebo, his ears pinned to the side of his head. Ordinarily he would have lashed out angrily at Baron for the unnecessary jab, but his heart just wasn't in it right now.
"... No, Mayor Baron. I suppose I won't," Blueblood said tightly, stepping up onto the platform.
"My deepest apologies, Prince," the Mayor drawled. "If you have no other pressing affairs to see to, would you care to meet the rest of the ponies I recommend to be appointed Mayor after my retirement?"
Once again, Blueblood felt his irritation start to simmer, and again it simply fizzled out to nothing. "Fine. Go ahead," he grumbled.
Baron seemed surprised by the Prince's grouchy submission, but he was all too eager to take advantage of the opening. He nodded swiftly and then trotted away.
Blueblood stared up at the gazebo ceiling with a tired sigh. He couldn't really place his sudden sense of melancholy, but it almost certainly had to do with the blue mare that may or may not have saved him from an imminent fight. Her face - lovingly preserved mid-sneer in his mind - kept returning to him, but he pushed the image out of his thoughts. He refused to spend more of his evening dwelling on the matter.
It was hardly beneath Prince Blueblood to sport an interest in a local mare encountered at a party or some royal function. On the contrary, such experiences were so common to him that he treated them as an ordinary luxury of traveling to royal functions, little different from wine or fine food. By the same token, Blueblood didn't get any more attached to a given pony than he did a particular wine bottle. This one hadn't worked out, so he moved on to the next option. Some ponies considered that scandal, but to him it was simple pragmatism.
"... I need a drink," the unicorn stallion mumbled to himself. He was thinking too much, and luckily there was ample remedy for that.
Blueblood turned around to find a mareservant.
He suddenly found himself facing the blue unicorn from before.

Trixie was caught slightly off-guard when Prince Blueblood whirled on her, looking as if he was about to shout something. She recoiled, and Blueblood stuttered incoherently for a few seconds before falling silent in confusion.
She quickly composed herself, ducking her head into a bow. "Prince Blueblood, Trixie is terribly sorry to bother you again. Clearly you've had enough drama for one day, but this matter really couldn't wait. Trixie believes you'll want this back."
At this point Blueblood noticed that Trixie's horn was glowing. His eyes bulged in surprise when his royal seal floated up into the air in front of her.
"My royal seal! What? How? When did-?" He started patting his suit jacket with a hoof, feeling for the familiar press of metal. He kept the seal in an inner pocket precisely so that it would be almost impossible to lose or pickpocket, even with magic. "How did you get that?"
"You... seem to have dropped it," Trixie said, using all of her willpower to keep from rolling her eyes at her own fib.
Blueblood thought that was quite unlikely, but it wasn't much more likely that the unicorn had managed to steal his seal and was now offering it back. After all, the only motive for that was...
"I suppose you'll be wanting a reward for returning this to me," Blueblood said, his eyes narrowing at the mare.
Trixie blinked, looking up at the other unicorn. "What? No, that's not necessary. All Trixie did was pick it up and carry it to you. Here."
To the Prince's astonishment, she levitated the seal onto the gazebo railing next to him and dropped it there. Then she bowed her head again.
"Pardon Trixie's interruption, Prince. Goodbye." She turned around.
Blueblood felt his heart start to race. The exact opposite of its reaction to the pegasus, incidentally. "Wait!"
The mare paused, glancing back at him. Her face expressed no excitement or cunning smirk at a plan come to fruition. She was confused.
"Uh... t-tell me," the Prince began, feeling suddenly lightheaded. "You... You're... Trixie?"
Trixie arched an eyebrow. "Yes."
Prince Blueblood decided that this was progress. At least her sentences made sense to him now. "You speak in the third pony?" he asked. "In casual conversation?" He idly levitated his seal off the railing and slipped it into his suit jacket, once again feeling the slight, familiar pressure against his chest fur.
Trixie frowned, turning around and placing a hoof to her chest. "Of course. The Great and Powerful Trixie finds it essential to impress her status upon ponies."
This time Blueblood arched a brow. "The... 'Great and Powerful' Trixie?"
"That is Trixie's full title, yes. Trixie is a master of the arcane arts beyond any that Equestria has ever seen! A hero of Equestria and entertainer without equal across the kingdom!" she declared brightly, physically restraining herself from rearing up and posing. Then she coughed. "... With one or two exceptions, perhaps."
Prince Blueblood stared. He had never met a pony so blatantly egomaniacal as the mare in front of him. He had an expansive web of associates and contacts, which included some of the most powerful, selfish, and self-important equines in all the world. Yet none of them measured up to the amount of self-centered egotism that Trixie had impressed upon him in one minute of introductory conversation.
He wasn't sure what to think of it. Should he be impressed? Amused? Scornful? It wasn't as if she was even making an effort to impress him in particular; she had come to return his seal, not brag about herself. Trixie explained how great she was with the same casual certainty that he would explain an obscure law or court protocol.
"Prince? Was there something else?" Trixie asked respectfully.
"Yes... Yes, I believe there is," Blueblood mumbled. He found Trixie absolutely fascinating, that much he was certain of. Even more so than her gorgeous pegasus friend. "If I could trouble you for a chat, Miss Trixie?"
At this, the mare seemed uncertain. Her eyes darted to the side, searching the crowd of guests for something. "Uh... Okay. About what, exactly?"
"Prince Blueblood!" Interrupted a stallion's voice from the side. Mayor Robber Baron was approaching quickly, with a bright yellow stallion behind him. "This is my good friend, Kahn Census! I'd like-"
"Excuse me, Mayor," Blueblood interrupted back, glaring at him, "I am quite occupied at the moment."
Robber Baron's mustache bristled. "But... before you said... Prince Blueblood, this is most unseemly! My associates are not show ponies to be shuffled in front of you when the mood strikes! This is important!"
"You forget your station, Mayor," Blueblood hissed, "I will not be talked down to while I am entertaining a guest!"
Trixie chuckled nervously, and started backing away. "Oh, no, that's all right. Trixie was just leaving-"
"Indeed. Excellent idea," Blueblood agreed. "What say we retire to my estate, Miss Trixie? It's just up the hill, and I think you'll find the atmosphere far less hostile." He shot a dirty look toward the Mayor with that last word, causing the earth pony to sputter indignantly.
"That sounds... uhm... nice, but..." Trixie gulped, not quite liking where this was going. She had only just gotten used to the idea of enjoying the party despite her illicit entry. Being alone with Blueblood dramatically increased the chances of her being arrested, especially given that Ranma had already confronted the royal unicorn.
"But... Trixie's friend is still here!" Trixie said suddenly. "You remember Ranma, right? Trixie doesn't really think she'd want to come with us, and Trixie wouldn't dream of simply leaving her!"
Prince Blueblood soured instantly. "Oh. Right. The redheaded wench. What does it really matter? Can she not find her way home on her own?"
"Prince Blueblood, for shame!" Growled Mayor Baron.
"Well... technically, no, she can't get home without Trixie. It's a little complicated, actually..." A bead of sweat rolled down Trixie's head.
"Well, then maybe I can give her another chance," Prince Blueblood suggested, ignoring the Mayor. "She was rude before, obviously, but if she sees that you're coming with me, I'm sure she'll be more cooperative."
"Trixie really, REALLY doubts that," the magician deadpanned.
"Excuse me, but... you mentioned a redheaded mare? That's the friend you're referring to?" asked the pony that had followed Robber Baron. He had remained entirely silent during the arguments, and even now was staring at something off in the distance.
"Yes. A pegasus, I believe," Mayor Baron confirmed. "Why?"
Kahn Census pointed a hoof off to the side. "I do believe she's absconding with the cake."

Numerous pony guests stared in stunned bewilderment as the four-foot tower cake that had previously been the centerpiece of the dessert table slowly made its way through the crowd. The cake rested on a small serving table, which itself sat on the back of a seductively dressed pegasus pony. The cake teetered left and right from the mare's gait, but the table was well-balanced on the back of her wings.
Ranma strode through the crowd without care, her face a mask of cold determination. She paid no heed to the stares or whispers of the party-goers, nor did she spare a glance toward Trixie's fateful encounter with the Royal Prince. She was a mare on a mission, and she was determined to deliver the opponent riding her to its fateful demise.
That duel, she decided, would be too graphic for a public place, though. While she wasn't truly a lady, Ranma did have SOME shame. A generously-sized shed on the edge of the yard provided the perfectly combination of accessibility and privacy, and served as her current destination.
"Excuse me... Miss... uh..." Out of the many perplexed equines giving her a wide berth, one guard stepped in her path. The stallion was clearly nervous; he honestly couldn't tell if what he was doing was a petty affair beneath his pay grade or a colossal mistake that had him way over his head.
Ranma didn't acknowledge the guard, walking straight toward him with her eyes fixed forward.
"Miss, I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure you're not with the catering staff," the guard explained. The closer the pegasus got, the greater the sinking feeling that he was a pebble standing in the path of a steamroller. "I'm going to have to ask you to turn around and put the cake back, please."
Ranma did not stop, but her eyes shifted slightly make contact with the guard. His spine suddenly felt like ice.
"M-Miss? Are you listening? I... I d-don't want t-to-"
The soldier's stuttering protest was silenced as the pegasus finally stepped within leg's reach. Ranma calmly placed a hoof up against his jaw and pushed it closed. Her expression didn't change.
"Shhhhhhh," the martial artist whispered while the cake wobbled on her back. "Don't... It's not worth it."
The cake started tilting dangerously due to her standing on three legs, and then Ranma swiftly shifted to the side to re-balance it. She passed by the guard without another word.
The armored stallion stared straight ahead for a few seconds, looking at nothing.
Then he slowly laid down on the ground, curled up into a ball, and started weeping softly.

"......"
"......"
"......"
Trixie sighed while the other ponies stared at her traveling companion. Then she turned to Blueblood and tapped him on the shoulder. The stallion jumped slightly, as if shocked by the sudden contact.
"Trixie has changed her mind. Ranma will be fine. We can leave whenever you wish."
"Ah! Well... yes. Let's... Let's be off, then," Blueblood mumbled, following Trixie out of the gazebo. He paused only briefly, glancing back at the Mayor. "Good night, Mayor Baron. And... good luck."

He quickly turned around and trotted away, all too happy to flee the party. He much preferred his socializing in more intimate settings, anyhow.
And if the Prince had his way, he and Trixie would be getting very intimate.