"You spent a whole day in bed?"
Crystal could barely lift her gaze to look at Dream Pop, her lips wriggling between an embarrassed frown and a shy smile. "Yes?"
Dream Pop gave a cheerful smile and waved a hoof. "That's super okay! Sometimes we just need to hide so we can process feelings that overwhelm us. So, how do you feel now?"
"Better," Crystal admitted, dropping her gaze again. "I can't begrudge ponies for going on with their lives. We're not meant for war, after all. I should be appreciative that, at the least, they're willing to face the horrible thing when it's most needed."
Dream Pop nodded. "That's a mature way of looking at it!"
Mature. Crystal wrung her hooves. That was such a big, heavy, suffocating word.
"But it's not the whole story, is it?" Dream Pop's voice was suddenly soft, and when Crystal glanced up, she saw a gentle smile.
Crystal's mouth went dry. "What do you mean?"
Dream Pop waggled a hoof at her in a playfully stern way. "You can't hide the truth from me, missy! I have a PI license. That, and you're really easy to read." She settled back in her seat and shook her head. "Nope, there's more to the story than you hid in a cocoon of blankets and came out a beautiful, perfect butterfly."
"Oh." It was all Crystal could say at first as her eyes flicked between Dream Pop and the suddenly very interesting wall. Nerves bubbled up in her chest at the thoughts that swirled through her mind. "Well, I—I did indulge in some chocolates, yes."
Dream Pop just stared at her, waiting.
Crystal swallowed around the lump that formed in her throat and tried to smile. "I have a feeling that isn't what you meant."
Giggling, Dream Pop shook her head. "Nope!"
"Of course." Crystal's ears flattened against her mane. Shame gripped her throat and made it hard to speak. "I—" Tears welled up in her eyes and she asked in a quiet, trembling voice, "Must I say it?"
"I think it'd be healthier than keeping it in."
"Of course," Crystal repeated. She clasped her hooves in her lap, dropped her gaze, and muttered, "I'm still angry."
"Why?"
Crystal clenched her eyes shut. The ugliness inside her was seeping out, a terrible infection that she couldn't hide from Dream Pop's keen eyes. "Why? Because, I don't know! Because I'm tired! I told Winterspear I was feeling ill so she would leave me be. I can't let ponies see me like this! What would they think? Nopony in the support group feels this way. Everypony in the Foundation seems to be fine. Why am I different?"
The sound of clapping startled Crystal upright, and she saw the familiar beaming smile on Dream Pop's face. "Yay! Good job! See, doesn't it feel better to let it out?"
Crystal's brow furrowed. "To be honest, no, not particularly."
"Well, doesn't it feel better than lying?"
With a sigh, Crystal turned her head to look off to the side, guilt starting to fill the void where compassion and understanding should have been. "I'm regretting saying anything, so I think I preferred my story better."
Dream Pop giggled. "Okay, let me put it this way! Let's say you asked a friend for a favor. A super important favor, but they forgot! Would you rather they told you a convincing lie that made you forgive them, or that they told you the truth?"
Crystal glanced at Dream Pop out of the corner of her eyes. "Of course I would rather have the truth, but I—"
"No buts!" Dream Pop waggled her hoof. "What if the truth was that they got in an accident and broke a leg, but they didn't tell you that and you found out later?"
Crystal blinked. The dark feelings in her chest started to subside to confusion. "I'd feel awful, of course. Whatever favor it was wouldn't be nearly as important as their health."
"Uh-huh. And what if it wasn't a broken leg, but a broken heart?"
"It doesn't matter," Crystal replied, the tension in her muscles easing as she started to smile. "A broken leg or a broken heart, they both can hurt a great deal."
"Exactly!" Dream Pop clapped again, bouncing up and down this time. "You see? It'd be super embarrassing for them to admit that they let you down over a broken heart, but you don't care! So why would your friends or family care?" She blinked. "Well, of course they'd care. But not like that. What I mean is, you should tell them how you feel!"
Crystal finally laughed, albeit only softly. "I suppose I can't argue with you on that. All right, you win." She pushed herself upright and raised a hoof to brush her mane out of her face. "I'll see you in a few weeks, then?"
"Oh, I hope you see me before then, otherwise you'll need to send a search-and-rescue team!" Dream Pop wiggled her ears. "Yep! Just remember, all feelings are super okay. You can't appreciate a smile without frowning every once in a while!"
"Yes, yes." Crystal flashed a smile before she turned to the door and walked out into the main area where the volunteers of her foundation were hard at work.
For a moment, she just stood there, taking it all in. However she felt didn't change the fact that good work was being accomplished. She could take some comfort in that for the time being.
There was a problem she suddenly noticed as a mare bumped into a stallion in her attempt to cross the room: space. They were growing as a group, but their surroundings weren't. Her nose scrunched up as she realized she would, soon, need to speak to the board—which included her stingy grandfather. He would likely have her submit a twenty-page analysis on the pros and cons of moving, an in-depth report characterizing the different locations, and who knew what else.
Crystal sighed and started to make her way over to the table she normally occupied when she spotted Wallflower hurrying toward her. "Hi, Mom. What's the matter?"
Wallflower smiled. "Oh, nothing's the matter. I just wanted to catch you before you got occupied in something. There's a mare here who wishes to volunteer."
"All right." Crystal blinked, tilting her head. "Then let her volunteer?"
Wallflower's smile wriggled as if she were trying to keep laughter at bay. The hitch in her voice confirmed it as she replied, "I think you should speak with her first. She's waiting just outside."
Brow furrowed and curiosity piqued, Crystal nodded and changed orientation to head for the door that led out into the hallway. When she opened it and stepped out, she understood Wallflower's reaction immediately.
Derelict Apathy, Radiant Orchid's partner in guiding the support group, stood in the middle of the hall, a Flower Foundation brochure floating in her magic. She was just as neutral-faced and dark-coated as always—by looks alone, she wasn't exactly the kind of pony that seemed interested in charity work. Crystal knew her better than that, however.
"Hello, Derelict," Crystal said as she trotted the distance between them.
Derelict looked up while her magic folded the brochure. "Hello. I was informed that you needed to interview me before I could volunteer."
"Oh, well, somewhat." Crystal tried not to giggle. "We're still figuring out processes."
"Is that so? I could help with that. I would rather help ponies directly, but if processes would help you help ponies better, then I can do that instead." Derelict stared at her, eyes betraying nothing of emotion.
Crystal waved a hoof. "It's wholly up to you. If you want to help ponies directly, then that is what you'll do. Which branch are you interested in?"
Derelict glanced at the brochure, then back at Crystal. "I feel I am best suited to the Carnation branch. I am a therapist, after all."
"Oh." Crystal froze as the gears in her mind ground to a halt. Dream Pop had just instructed her to tell the truth, but her years in finishing school had told her otherwise—white lies weren't lies at all. What was she supposed to do? "I, uh."
Derelict's brow raised. "Is there an issue? I am not very good with gardening, but if that is what you would prefer, I—"
"Oh, no, no." Crystal quickly shook her head and tried to smile. "It's not that! We are in dire need of more therapists. It's just." She hesitated. "Well." She shifted her hooves. "How to put this delicately?"
"I find that just saying things as they are is easiest," Derelict said, tilting her head.
Crystal sucked in a breath and ducked her head. "It's—It's nothing, really. I just hesitate because, well, you see, the thing is, our current therapists are Sweet Stuff, Dream Pop, Good Cheer, Twinklepaw..." She trailed, glancing up at her.
Derelict stared for a moment before her ears perked and her lips flinched with amusement. "Oh, I see. My parents' poor sense of humor when it comes to naming their foals is the problem."
"No, no!" Crystal winced. "Problem makes it sound as if it is an impediment. It was a momentary hesitation, nothing more. I'm sorry I even brought it up."
Derelict rolled her shoulders in a light shrug. "It's understandable. It's also an objective fact. Ponies have often been put off by my name."
"What about code names?" Dream Pop's voice interrupted, the mare bouncing into view. Her curly twin pigtails continued bouncing well after she stood still beside them, a bright grin on her face. "We could have code names!" Her hoof shot to her nose. "Dibs on Dr. Kitty!"
"Code names?" Derelict tilted her head. "That's an interesting idea."
Crystal blinked, glancing between them before she started to smile. "It's all right, really. You shouldn't have to hide your name. That's simply ridiculous."
Derelict raised a hoof. "No, I like this idea. I could be Dr. Euphoria. It is, after all, the happiest state a pony can be in, so there should be no apprehension from clients." She paused, then added, "It's also my mother's name."
It was difficult, but Crystal tried to push aside the question of why in Equestria a pony named Euphoria would name her daughter Derelict Apathy.
Instead, Crystal nodded. "All right. Dr. Kitty, would you please introduce Dr. Euphoria to the other therapists and explain the new code name system to them?"
"Sure!" Dream Pop wrapped her hoof around Derelict's. "It's super nice to meet you, by the way! I'm Dr. Kitty!"
"I know," Derelict simply replied, then added in a slightly lilting, almost playful tone, "I'm Dr. Euphoria."
Crystal watched as they trotted over to the room that was supposed to be a bedroom. There were only three rooms above the bakery; she would need to speak to the board sooner rather than later.
For now, however, she had work to do. She always had work to do. She returned to the room that served as their headquarters and made her way to her seat beside Wallflower, asking as she sat down, "What's on the to-do list for today?"
Wallflower tapped a hoof on the table as the other drew across her planner. "There are a lot of bills to document this morning, but that's no surprise anymore. Then we have a meeting with the mayor of Manehattan after lunch to discuss Bouquet's plans for taking over some greenspace there to plant flowers. The Helping Hooves group wants to spend some time discussing how our organizations can help each other more. There's a banquet at the city hall tonight, which..."
As Wallflower went into the details, it was all Crystal could do to keep smiling. A banquet with rich ponies who had to be asked for donations. Rich ponies who couldn't find it in their hearts to do so without being wined and dined. Ponies who would have pretty smiles as they bragged about their generosity, glossing over how much effort it took to pry their bits from them.
They probably had wreaths on their doors, too.
"I hate it," Crystal blurred out, then slapped a hoof over her mouth, eyes going wide.
Wallflower blinked. "I thought you liked zucchini? Oh." She dropped her gaze. "No, I'm sorry, that's Silent's favorite, isn't it? I—We can serve something else."
Crystal raised the hoof to wipe the growing tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's not that, it's—" She hesitated, glancing away. "It's awful to admit," she mumbled in a low voice so that only Wallflower could hear, "but I can't stop being angry."
"Angry?" Wallflower repeated, taking Crystal's hooves in her own. "Why? What happened?" Her brow furrowed, casting a shadow over her eyes. "Is it your mother? Do I need to speak to her?"
Crystal snorted as a giggle overtook her and she quickly shook her head. "No, Mom. It's me. This is all me. I'm full of anger at the ponies the banquet is for, I'm angry at the ponies who bought wreaths, I'm angry at everypony that gets to live each day like normal while you and I and everypony here are suffering."
Somewhere along the explanation, Crystal found herself crying again. It wasn't until she heard the hitch in her own voice did she start to tremble with fear and uncertainty. How foalish did she sound? How selfish? What would her mother-in-law think of her after that admission?
Wallflower just looked at her for a while, then raised her hooves to clasp Crystal's cheeks and forced their eyes to meet. "Do you remember what I told you when we first met?"
Crystal's ears folded back, the weight of Wallflower's hard stare pushing her down. "Wh—What?"
"That this is the life of the wife of a soldier." Wallflower's expression remained unmoved. "But I don't think you ever figured out what 'this' is, did you?"
Crystal could only shake her head. Her lower lip started to tremble at the sudden realization that she quite possibly just ruined her relationship with Wallflower, and that terrified her.
"'This' refers to the terrible feelings that eat away at us from the inside out." Wallflower finally gave a soft, sad smile. "When Stratus went to war, it was awful for me. That was a war that was so small in scale compared to this that I was completely alone. Some days, I wasn't sure how to make it to the next day. When I met you, I couldn't imagine a mare as dainty and fragile as you enduring even a fraction of what I had."
Wallflower's hooves squeezed Crystal's cheeks before lowering to pull her in for a hug. "I looked down on you because of that. For a while, I was even angry with you for being at my son's side as if you belonged there. But I misjudged you. It has taken quite some time, but now I am at peace with the anger at others for not caring—the anger at Stratus for being who he was—the anger at myself for not being stronger.
"Now, it's your turn to find your peace. I don't know how to help you find it, but perhaps it will be easier if you understand that you're not alone in feeling this way."
Crystal buried her face against Wallflower's neck. She smelled of rain-kissed flowers, a gentle combination of scents that was wholly unique to her. It soothed her, as did the hoof stroking her mane, and finally Crystal had the strength to mumble, "It—Hearing that does help, Mom. Thank you."
"Good." Wallflower pulled away to smile down at her. "What would you say to skipping the documentation and going downstairs for a hot cocoa? It's not as if your grandfather will notice." She huffed, the feathers on her wings ruffling slightly. "There's so many papers, he can't possibly be reading through all of them."
Crystal's nose scrunched up before she laughed. "I have a feeling he'll notice, but I'm not sure I particularly care at the moment. Hot cocoa sounds perfect."
Just as Crystal started to rise from her seat, she caught her mother's gaze—her real mother. Upper Crust stood at a table with the other ponies in her branch around her, but her attention was clearly on Crystal. There was a distinct loneliness in her eyes that sent a pang of guilt through Crystal's chest.
With a smile she hoped would mask her true feelings, Crystal navigated the crowded room to make her way to her mother, the smile growing sincere as Upper Crust quickly did her best to look busy. "Mother?" She hesitated, then corrected, "Mom?"
Upper Crust feigned only just then noticing her. "Yes, darling? I'm a little busy at the moment. What is it?"
"I'm heading downstairs to get some hot cocoa." Crystal rubbed a hoof against her foreleg. "You've been working hard this morning, so I thought perhaps you might enjoy a break. With me."
Upper Crust's gaze flickered to Wallflower, who lingered at the door. "With you? Or with you and your mother-in-law?"
Crystal swallowed. "With us."
There was a moment where it seemed as though Upper Crust would fabricate an excuse, but instead, she smiled. "I suppose it would be nice to get to know her better, since she clearly means so much to you. And I suppose these ponies are perfectly capable of working without my oversight."
"We'll be fine!" a mare said, waving a hoof. "Go on and have fun with your daughter."
Upper Crust chuckled as she strode over to Wallflower, regarded her with a cordial nod, and said, "I must thank you for supporting my daughter through the things I don't quite understand. All of this Royal Guard and war nonsense is just that to me." She bobbed her head. "Thank you, Wallflower."
Wallflower blinked and looked at Crystal, then back at Upper Crust. "Oh." She blinked again. "You're welcome?"
With a brief smile, Upper Crust walked out into the hallway and headed for the stairs. Wallflower looked once again to Crystal for an explanation, and all she could give was, "She had told me that she was striving to appreciate family more after a difficult encounter. Perhaps she truly meant it."
"Is that so?" Wrinkles formed at the corners of Wallflower's eyes as she smiled, looking at the stairs Upper Crust had descended. "I'm happy, then. It's nice to find clear examples of the good rising from the bad."
"Yes, it is." Crystal released a soft, almost content sigh, and the tension left her all at once. There was good in the bad—it was a nice sentiment to hold onto instead of anger and guilt.