Were I to analyze the emotional composition of the room, it would be fifty percent confusion, ten percent pure rage, and forty percent fear. I guarantee that I was more scared of Pinkie than she was mad at me.
Why? Why did I have to tell her I was an only child? Now I really will see what life is like from inside a pie!
Before I could formulate some kind of plan for the worst case scenario, Pinkie repeated her question. "Well, can we talk?"
I forced a painfully fake laugh. "Well, I can certainly talk! Can you?"
Pinkie snorted, first in humor, then in fury. "You know what I mean."
Nervous laughter. "I don't suppose you'd let me catch up with these ponies first, would you?"
"You mean your brother and a mare that you apparently know well enough to essentially be your sister? Sure, why not?"
"Is there a problem between you two?" Cadance asked.
"Nope!" I replied quickly. "I mean, it's a long and personal story. Don't worry about it. How about you? How are things going?"
Cadance and Shining shared quick looks. Shining especially looked uncertain. "Are you sure? Because your friend is staring very intensely at you."
"Look who's dodging questions now!" I forced more awkward laughter. "So, how's life in all its generalities? Done anything interesting?"
"Er, we went to Prance."
"Prance!" I exclaimed excitedly at the topic. "Where all the nubile ladies dance! What was it like?"
"I think you summed it up, actually." Cadance smirked. "Why the interest?"
My eye twitched at the suggestion. "No reason. Just... talking."
"Really? Are you sure you don't want me to help you find a lovely companion?"
Pinkie jumped into the conversation. "Actually, Twilight doesn't like it when you do that. Trust me, I've been there."
"Wait, you tried to get Twilight a mate?" Shining asked incredulously.
"Yeah, it didn't work out too well."
"I'd sooner shoot myself in the face with a cannon." I added seriously.
Those two looked shell-shocked at that revelation. Maybe the Twilight they knew was a die-hard romantic? When Cadance piped up, I had to consider if that was it. "How can dating go that poorly?"
"Eh, I'm just not interested." I said with a shrug. "Why would I be? Life is crazy enough as it is."
"I'm that craziness!" Pinkie boasted.
"Well, she's a part of it, I guess."
Cadance noted the two of us suspiciously, but continued onwards. "So I take it Ponyville is a wild town."
"Yeah, things have been getting crazier by the day. When I first got here, it was only about once a week that something silly came up. It's like every day, now."
"Silly how?" Shining asked.
"Well, I guess the return of Princess Luna can be silly. You know she tossed me into the roof of a crumbling castle?"
"She did what?" He practically gasped.
"Er, moving on, then. There was a rhyming shaman that came into town, trying to buy roses. Then Trixie showed up, and a couple of kids brought an Ursa into town. Yeah, guess who had to take care of that?" I patted my chest. "This mare."
"How did you deal with the Ursa?"
"Sleep spell. Ursa minors aren't that bad, really. And as for all the other weirdness, we have Pinkie Pie here sneaking into my house all the time. Funny thing is I have no idea how she does it."
Pinkie latched onto my side in a one-legged hug with a beaming smile. "It's a trade secret for helping me get closer to the ponies I love!" She giggled kindly, then leaned in with a dark whisper. "I still want to talk to you."
I shivered at the reminder and laughed uneasily. "I love you, too."
Cadance, most likely ignoring my discomfort, smiled sweetly and leaned in with interest. "So when's the wedding?"
This non-sequitur caught me a little off guard. "What wedding? Are you guys getting married or something?"
There was a heavy pause from my visitors. I couldn't immediately tell why, but Shining managed an answer. "Um, yes we are. Didn't you read the letter we sent you?"
What letter? "I must not have gotten it."
"But we sent it to you through Spike! How could you not get the letter?"
Crap, this must've been back when Spike still hated me. He probably forgot about the letter at some point and didn't really bring it up. "Huh. that's odd. For whatever reason, it just didn't come through. I'll have to look into this."
"This isn't going to be one of those times where you go a few days without sleep as you pore through books, is it?" He asked with worry.
"Oh please, when have I ever done that?"
"Practically every weekend when one of your professors assigned a research paper." Came a prompt reply.
I groaned. "I was being facetious."
Speaking of, the front door opened and the drake himself walked backwards through the doorway with a bag of sugar in one claw and a bottle of bleach in the other. "Hey Dusk, they had these ice-cream sandwiches shaped like cats! It had cookies mixed in with the-" He finally turned around and saw the other three for the first time, prompting him to drop everything in surprise. "Ah, Shining Armor, Twilight's Big Brother Best Friend Forever and high ranking officer in the royal guard! And he's with Princess Cadance, the princess of love! Oh my gosh!"
I had to sigh with my head in a hoof. That had to be the most blatant and stilted exclamation I have ever heard. It didn't help that I already knew what he was not so subtly telling me.
At the very least, Shining Armor didn't mind Spike's entrance. "Hey, little bro! Good to see ya!"
"How's our favorite little drake?" Cadance asked kindly.
"Good! Good." Spike twiddled his claws, trying not to look suspicious.
Since nopony was looking at me, I took the opportunity to craft an escape, even if it was only temporary. I cast a simple illusion, a disembodied noise coming from the kitchen that I made sound just like a teapot's high-pitched whine. "Oh, the tea is done! Hey Spike, can you help me out for a minute? I'll need your help."
Spike gulped. "Sure...?"
"Great!" I levitated him into the kitchen and walked into the doorway.
"I still want to talk to you!" Pinkie called irritably.
"We'll talk later!" Came my startled cry.
The door slammed shut, and I hastened to erect a sound-proof ward on the door. Preparations completed, I spun onto Spike and grabbed his shoulders firmly. "Spike, man, we fucked up! Why didn't you say anything about her brother?"
Spike mumbled. "I dunno, he's just so... forgettable." Spike picked himself back up, however. "Wait, why didn't you look into her family yourself? Surely you would have done that!"
"Well, I tried to, but she didn't have any personal photographs or anything. Hell, what kind of pony doesn't have a photo album?"
Spike was confused at my question. "But we do have a photo album."
"What? How did you find it?"
"It was in a box in the basement."
"But there are, like, a million boxes down there!"
"Well I found it. How could you not know about it?"
"I don't even know where you put it!"
"I left it under my bed."
"Why do you think I would check under your bed?"
Spike opened his mouth to answer, but couldn't come up with one. "Alright, I see your point. So what do you plan to do now?"
"Well, we can't just spend half an hour in here discussing who these ponies are. They'll expect us to come out soon with a cup of tea, so our time is short. We'll just have to see where this goes."
"That seems like a bad idea."
"I know, but I've been through worse."
I poured a cup of tea and and a cup of water, inspecting each real quick. Everything looked good, so we went back into the living room. Pinkie Pie was in the middle of a conversation with Cadance. "So what kind of gifts would she like?"
"No question about it: books." Cadance replied matter-of-factly.
Pinkie wasn't so sure about that idea. "Are we talking about the same pony?"
"Who are we talking about?" I asked, hoping to catch up.
Everypony jumped in surprise and pasted phony grins on their faces upon my arrival. Pinkie was the quickest to respond. "Oh, you know, just discussing romance with the princess of love."
"So I take it you have someone in mind?"
"Yep!"
A patient silence lapsed, mostly in part because of me wanting to hear who Pinkie was going to mention, but she wasn't very cooperative. After about twenty seconds of awkwardly standing around, I passed around the refreshments and let it drop. "So, sorry about the interruption, but the tea was done, so, yeah."
"Oh, no, thank you!" Cadance sipped the tea gladly. "The tea is very good."
"Thanks, it's generic."
Cadance stared deeply into her cup with realization. "Oh my gosh, it all tastes the same." She said quietly.
"Er, so, Shining Armor, how was Prance?" Spike asked.
"It was great, thanks for asking. Once we did our business there, we went around to all the tourist stops. Seeing the sights, having a romantic boat ride," He smirked slyly at Cadance. "Dancing Parlors."
"Is that code for 'strip club'?" I asked.
"Oh no, of course not." Cadance cut in, almost sarcastically. "Royalty would never go to a nudie bar."
"Do you ponies realize Spike's in the room when you say these things?" Asked a concerned Shining Armor.
"I dunno, he doesn't seem so upset when I'm drinking." I said, figuring nothing of it.
"You drink in front of Spike?" Shining asked incredulously. "Wait, when did you start drinking?"
Ah, Twilight didn't drink. "About the same time the state figured I could use some excitement in my life."
"The state...?"
"Yeah, you know. The princess."
Shining blinked. "Okay."
You have no idea. "That's great. Say bro, how have things been since I left?"
Shining quirked an eyebrow. "'Bro'?"
"I blame Rainbow Dash!" Spike blurted out.
"What?"
Figuring Twilight didn't speak like that, I latched onto Spike's given cover story. "Yeah, I must've picked up a few habits while I was here. You know how it is."
"Makes sense, given how this is essentially your first experience with friends." Cadance noted.
"What? I had friends in Canterlot!" I protested. I couldn't exactly forget them, and I doubt the real Twilight did, either.
"Really? It's strange that you never brought them up." Pinkie commented wryly. Her smile twinged at the edges.
Crap, I also told Pinkie I never had friends. There was little more I could do but rub the back of my head in a sheepish manner. "What we had apparently counted. I couldn't tell because there wasn't any... rainbows, or anything."
"Friendship doesn't come with rainbows." Shining tried to tell me.
"Well I know that now."
"Then how did you know you became friends with the ponies here?" Cadance asked quite understandably.
"A rainbow light show."
"But friendship doesn't do that!" Shining protested.
"Ours did, so I don't know what to tell ya." I said with a shrug.
Shining shook his head in disbelief. "Did it really?" He asked Pinkie.
"Yep! A rainbow laser came out of our friendship necklaces and zoomed into Black Snooty and turned her into Blue Cutie!"
Shining was at a loss for words. "Uh..."
"She means Princess Luna." I supplied helpfully.
"Congratulations on awakening the Elements of Harmony, by the way!" Cadance cheered with a smile.
A loud pop and a puff of confetti startled Shining and Cadance, though Spike and I were completely unfazed. We all turned to Pinkie with a party popper in her hooves. She chuckled self-consciously. "Sorry. Reflex."
"You're good." I returned Cadance's smile. "Thanks. We had to march through half a forest that wanted us dead. Wouldn't have been so bad if our designated villain didn't throw it all at us."
Shining couldn't contain a proud smile at who he thought was his little sister. "That's very impressive. The royal guard still has trouble in the Everfree when we send the odd patrol in there."
"What can I say? I have talented friends."
"For a graduate of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, that must be some high praise." Cadance no doubt said as a stroke to my ego, if I were Twilight.
"Well, Pinkie Pie over here is a world-class acrobat and endlessly optimistic mare when she's not sneaking into my house."
"And I am even then!" Pinkie added giddily.
"What about Rarity?" Spike asked.
"Very classy." I said simply. "I saw her kick a manticore in the face and not give a fuck. She's pretty incredible like that."
Shining bore a frown of concern at my response. "Did you just swear?"
Shit. "Uh, yeah. Sorry, I kinda picked that up, too."
"You picked up on casual swearing?"
My eyes shot to the side subconsciously. "Yes."
"You should probably work on that." Cadance suggested.
"I try, but not very hard."
Shining and Cadance shared a look. Crap, that wasn't a good thing to say. Spike noticed too, and to the kid's credit, he was the one to save the day and change the approach. "Hey, Rarity lives just down the street! How about we go introduce her?"
I would have snapped my fingers proudly if I didn't have hooves at the time. "Great idea, Spike! It's like two minutes to walk."
"Well, I would like to see what kind of ponies you've been spending time with." Shining supposed.
"Sounds like a plan." Cadance agreed.
Awesome, time to take the show on the road, even if only to temporarily mask my faults. We left right after a quick check to turn off the stove and all that.
I wasn't kidding when I said it was a two minute walk. The trip to Carousel Boutique was shorter than my temper. The building itself was as immaculate as ever, and the sign out front declared its state of inactive business.
I wasted no time. The doorbell rung and filled the house with a short tune. Mere moments later, and Ponyville's top fashion icon answered promptly. "Oh, hello Twilight. I suppose I have time, if you're looking to have your measurements redone."
I raised an eyebrow. "Is that a fat joke coming from you? I mean I'm not insulted, it's just a little surprising."
Flustered, Rarity shook her head in rapid denial. "Oh, heavens no! It's just that your muscles have gotten so much more defined since you last visited." Rarity lowered her voice to the point she thought I couldn't hear. "Though your eating habits do leave me worried."
This had my curiosity. "What's wrong with my eating habits?"
"Nothing!" She cried in desperation. "And Pinkie Pie, it's always great to see you!"
"Sure, don't mention her eating habits." I muttered.
Pinkie didn't show any concern for me, however. "Hi Rarity! Hi ponyquin! Hi other ponyquin! Hi another ponyquin!-"
Figuring she was going to do that for a while, Rarity moved on to greeting Spike. "And how's my favorite little drake?"
Spike smiled wide and dreamily, as he usually does around her. "Great, thanks for asking."
Cadance giggled in the back of the group. "Make that three weddings."
That little joke caught Rarity's attention, after which she shifted her focus on the two new ponies. "I'm terribly sorry, but I forgot to introduce myself. I am Rarity, proprietor of Carousel Boutique. Would you happen to be friends of Twilight's?"
Cadance answered first, kindly and with a warm smile. "I'm Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, but you can call me Cadance."
Rarity curtsied promptly. "It is a pleasure to meet you."
Cadance couldn't help but to blush bashfully. "Oh, that isn't necessary."
"As you say. And you must be..." Rarity's entire demeanor dropped the moment he saw Shining Armor. Her kind eyes performed the seamless shift into the gaze of a love struck filly. "Prince Charming."
While I noticed Spike's jealous glare, Shining wasn't so observant. "He's still in Prance. I'm actually Shining Armor, Twilight's older brother."
"Brother, you say?" Rarity glared at me in a familiar way. "I'm sorry, but can I have a quick moment alone with Twilight?"
My heart sunk. I could've sworn I never told Rarity anything about my family life! Yet here we are, with her looking like she wants to chew me up and spit me out, likely into a shallow grave. "Uh, what for?"
"It's just for a moment." She assured me. "It's nothing special, just about dresses, and makeup, and..."
"Alright alright, I get it!" I interrupted hastily. Whatever she really wanted to talk about couldn't be as bad as with Pinkie, in any case.
"Hey, I still want to talk to you!" Pinkie declared on our way to another room.
"Next time!" I sped up my trot, eager to escape Pinkie's growing hatred.
Rarity shut the kitchen door behind us, taking extra care to turn the lock with a frightening click. Immediately, my mind went to planning for the worst case scenario. If she levitated knives out of the drawers behind me, I could erect a shield behind me. The only flaw with that semi-spherical shield was its glaring weakness in the front, and I knew Rarity knew martial arts, so she'd likely rush me then. Maybe I could teleport out of the way, but then I'd run the risk of her accidentally stabbing herself...
The moment of truth had come, and she spun upon me angrily. "You need to explain yourself!"
I took an involuntary step back, dweomers on the mind just in case. "Oh God, what did I do this time?"
"How dare you!" She seethed. "You had a hot older brother all this time, and you never said anything?"
I relaxed my defensive instincts, but I could only imagine what she was on about. "Wait, what?"
"Your brother, Shining Armor! He must be the most handsome stallion I have ever met! And you were keeping him a secret! For shame, Twilight Sparkle!"
"Well, I'm pretty sure I'm legally obligated not to notice my own brother's sexiness." I remarked sarcastically. "Besides, I'm not about to go around pimping him out."
"That's no excuse! Why in Equestria would you not even say anything about him! Do you even know how hard it is to find the perfect stallion?"
"You probably don't want to go after Shining Armor."
"Why not? He seems like a perfect gentlecolt!"
"He's already engaged."
Great anger made way for great sorrow. "Oh. Who's the lucky mare?"
"Cadance."
"Ah." Rarity stared at the floor. "Yes, it figures a princess would catch his attention."
I sighed and hugged Rarity consolingly. "Hey there, don't feel too bad. You're quite the catch yourself, and I'm certain you can have any stallion you want."
Rarity smiled hopefully at me. "You mean it?"
"Absolutely. As long as it's not my brother."
Rarity frowned. "I think we've kept them waiting long enough."
I smiled guiltily. She unlocked the door with a huff and led us back to the reception area, which doubled as a suitable living room when arranged right.
Once again, the others were in the middle of a conversation with Pinkie having another question on the mind. "But how should I tell her of my feelings?"
Cadance was ever ready with an exuberant answer. "That's easy: just go for it!"
"I dunno, I'm kinda nervous. She's so strong and fierce and unflinching and adorably intimidating that I can't help but to have my tongue tie itself in knots!"
Shining blinked heavily. "...Are we talking about the same pony?"
I stepped into the conversation right then. "Pinkie's mystery girlfriend, again?"
"Not really that much of a mystery..." Spike muttered.
"It kind of is when I don't know who it is."
"Don't worry, you know her very well." Pinkie teased.
I tapped my chin to consider the remark. "Hmm. You know Rainbow's taken, right?"
Pinkie threw her head back and laughed. To my embarrassment, everypony including Cadance giggled at my expense. "You'll have to guess again."
"Oh, uh... I suppose Pinkie could be an Applejack kind of girl..."
This only redoubled their laughter. I was going to protest, but Rarity stopped me with a hoof. "As amusing as your blindness can be, we really must take a seat and entertain our guests."
I harrumphed. "They seem pretty entertained to me."
I gruffly took my seat and let the conversation flow around me, starting with Rarity asking polite questions. "So Cadance, I absolutely admire your mane!"
"Thank you! I've been using Prench hair products for a few weeks now, and I've definitely noticed a difference."
I groaned and sank into my chair. Figures these two would start talking about girly crap no one cares about. I looked to Shining Armor to share the sentiment, but his eyes were locked on his mare's moving lips and lively mane. Damn if he wasn't enraptured by her beauty. I noticed then that Spike was doing much the same for Rarity. This drew a roll of my eyes and a contemplative frown. I didn't want to sit there listening to fashion tips, but I didn't have the right excuse to leave or anything. At least Spike and Shining had their distractions. Maybe I could find my own...
Pinkie tapped my cheek with her snout. "Hey, Twilight."
Oh good, a distraction. "Hey."
"You don't really want to listen to them talking about mane care, do you?"
"Not really, no."
"Great! Then how would you like to find a closet so we can have a quick private chat?"
I opened my mouth to reply, but I noticed the manic glint in her eyes. "Er, on second thought, I've been dealing with knots in my hair, so I think I'm just gonna sit here and hope they mention some kind of fix."
"If you say so." Pinkie dismissed with narrow eyes.
No one seemed to notice Pinkie's offer, which made me grateful. I was doubly grateful that the conversation was changing topics. Thank goodness.
Rarity's eyes shined at Cadance's glittering jewelry. "And your accessories are so polished and divine! It must be the most glamorous thing, being a princess."
Cadance smiled ruefully. "Being a princess can be pretty stressful, but it does come with some great perks. Might as well make use of them!"
"I should say!" Rarity smiled knowingly at me. "It's a wonder how you and your family have so many personal ties to royalty."
I shrugged noncommittally. "What can I say? My family is kind of special." It was true, I suppose. Twilight and her family were pretty special ponies.
"It's true. You and your brother have a knack for getting an alicorn's attention." Cadance said presumably as a compliment to me.
"Indeed, I must know the secret." Rarity pried.
"For Shiny, he just needed to be cute." Cadance winked playfully at the stallion, who simply blushed and smiled appreciatively.
"Twilight had a severe emotional breakdown at a pivotal moment in her life." Spike helpfully supplied, seeing where this was going.
"That's not very nice." Shining chided.
I was a whole lot more indifferent than him. "Eh, he's about right." At least I think so.
"It's still not nice." Shining argued.
"What do I care? He knows that I'm not offended about that kind of thing."
"Does it even bother you?"
I just shook my head. He couldn't believe that his little sister was so blasé. Makes sense, as the real Twilight wasn't beaten down by a heavy dose of reality. Come to think of it, I used to have a hard time believing Equestria was real. It's just too perfect, you know?
"You really have grown."
"Years'll do that to ya."
"How many years?" Pinkie asked.
I think she meant how many years separated from my brother. I was at a bit of a loss on how to answer that. I looked to Spike real quick, and he flashed five digits. "Five years." I said with a nod.
Pinkie gasped dramatically. "Five years without your brother? That must have been so sad!"
"Why do you keep assuming I'm sad about everything?"
"'Cause you usually are."
Her response was met with a long stare of incredulity. I had no idea what she was talking about, yet I had nothing to say.
"What have you been sad about?" Shining asked with worry.
"This is news to me." I said with complete sincerity.
"I would think one's own sadness would be obvious." Rarity noted.
"I'm not sad!" I huffed.
"Aw, you don't need to put on a brave face for us!" Pinkie wrapped around my waist, nuzzling herself under my chin. "We're all here for you."
I only pouted more. "I swear to God..."
Rarity sighed and shook her head. "And to think she's still oblivious."
"I get it, my friends care about me!" I snapped.
This drew another round of chuckles from from everyone, which still left me embarrassed and confused.
Somepony knocked at the front door.
"You'd better get that." I grumbled bitterly.
Rarity rolled her eyes mirthfully and did just that. The door opened and she gasped in surprise at her visitor. "Oh, Fluttershy!"
The voice of my timid friend greeted her just around the open door blocking my view. "Hello, Rarity. Are you ready for our day at the spa? That is, if you don't mind..."
"Oh, of course, darling! I wouldn't dream of missing out on our time together. It's just that I have company at the moment. Would you like to come inside for a bit?"
"Oh, I wouldn't want to impose..."
"Nonsense, darling! It's just Spike, Twilight, her brother, and her sister-in-law."
This did not seem to appease Fluttershy. "That's a lot of ponies I don't know."
"But it's a lot of ponies you do know, as well. Please, it's only for a minute to introduce one another."
There came a pause and a slight sound of hoof-scuffing. "...Okay."
"Splendid!"
With that, Rarity shut the door and brought in Equestria's most timid pegasus and friend to all wildlife, Fluttershy. For a mare who can threaten fully grown dragons and tame bears, she was awfully reserved around other ponies. She slouched and hid behind her mane like the other two were Medusa, and just glimpsing at their horrifying visage would freeze her solid.
A round of greetings went around, and it all hit a speed bump when we got to Shining and Cadance. It was time for me to play my part. "Fluttershy, this is my brother, and the lovely mare next to him is a very important pony who's marrying the aforementioned brother."
Cadance seemed to catch on about Fluttershy's demeanor, so she spoke softer than before. "My name is Cadance, and I'm a princess in training."
Fluttershy relaxed somewhat, indicating a successful placation. "How wonderful to meet you."
Taking his fiancé's example, he introduced himself. "And I'm Shining Armor. I'm Twiley's brother, but I'm also captain of the royal guard."
Strangely, Fluttershy tensed for a moment. "Oh, you're a captain. Congratulations."
"Thanks!"
"Mhm." Fluttershy couldn't look him in the eyes, if only because she was looking into mine, almost hypnotically. "Excuse me, Twilight, but could we talk in private for a moment?"
Oh come on! What did I do this time? "Er, sure."
"Huh, your friends want to talk to you an awful lot." Shining noted.
"Yeah, I noticed." I remarked dryly.
Just as we were about to step into the other room, Pinkie called out to me. "When's it going to be my turn?"
"Next time for sure!" I quickly shut the door behind us.
For the second time that day, I warded the door for silence and faced Fluttershy. She at least had the distinction of being the only pony who wasn't angry with me. Not that this didn't make me any less nervous, but we're making progress.
I let out a big breath, and prepared for the worst. "So, what's on your mind?"
Fluttershy tapped her hooves together as if contemplating what to say. "Um, so your brother..."
"Yeah...?"
"He's a guard."
"Uh huh..."
"And your brother."
My patience was being tested vigorously. "That too, yes."
"Um... are you close?"
"About as close as a five year separation can make us, I suppose."
Fluttershy sighed with relief. "Okay, so you haven't really said anything about me?"
"You're not trying to tell me you like him, are you?"
Fluttershy flashed red with embarrassment. "Oh, no! I'm not really interested in him! I mean, he seems nice, and he's your brother and all, but he's not really my type of stallion."
"Oh, so what's the big deal?"
She tapped her hooves again. "Um... you remember when the Crusaders slept over at my house?"
Ah, I think I knew where this was going. "Oh, you're worried that I might have let your secret loose, aren't you?"
She nodded. "If you wouldn't mind, please keep that a secret. At the very least, try not to talk about it."
I put a hoof over my heart. "You have my word, I'll not let him know of anything."
Fluttershy's confidence returned a big smile to her face. "Thank you, Twilight."
"No problem."
We left the kitchen and returned to the larger group. I guess we didn't really interrupt a conversation in progress this time, which was always nice. Rarity was wearing fashionable white and gold-trimmed saddlebags, though. She must've been getting ready to leave.
"Is everything alright?" She asked.
"Yeah, it's just that all these private conversations are making me a little batty." I said with a half-shrug. Fluttershy, to her credit, just glared at me.
"How batty are we talking?" Pinkie asked from her seat.
"We're getting up there."
"So what you're saying is that you have some room for one more?"
Pinkie's narrowing stare unsettled my nerves. Thankfully, I had an easy out. "So, Rarity, I see you have your saddlebags. Going somewhere?"
Rarity glanced at her saddlebags under the sudden change in topic and shift in focus. "Oh, yes. I was just getting ready for the spa." Rarity brought back her award-winning smile and turned to Cadance. "Would you like to join us, Cadance?"
Cadance brightened at the suggestion. "I'd love to come with you!"
I glanced at Shining Armor, then to Spike. It seemed that they both recognized they would be left behind, and shrunk at the idea. Still, I didn't want to deprive the girls of their bonding time. An easy solution came to mind. "Great, so while all you girls go to the spa, I'll go with Shining and Spike back to the library."
"Ooh, and we could all go out to lunch together!" Rarity happily suggested.
"That sounds great! We can meet back at the library!" Spike added.
"Maybe we could get the others to come with us?" I asked.
"Your other friends? I'd like to meet them." Said Shining.
"Great, so while the four of you go to the spa, we'll be touring Ponyville while we invite Rainbow and Applejack."
"Nuh uh, I'm coming with you!" Pinkie declared with a pointed hoof. "I'm not letting you out of my sight, Sparkle!"
"I wonder what she's going to stare at." Cadance tittered.
Crap, and here I thought I could get some distance while I formulated an excuse or something. Oh well, there's something to be said about dying young. "Alright, then."
"A spa day for three, then. I can hardly wait!" Rarity grinned excitedly.
"Sure, but I don't suppose you could wait a few minutes? I don't have any bits on me." Cadance asked.
"Nonsense, darling, I can pay for the three of us." Rarity waved her hoof dismissively.
"Oh, but I really should at least cover the cost for myself."
"I insist, dear, you should let me cover the charge."
"Isn't it only right when I'm just joining an established tradition? I should cover for myself."
"It's no trouble for me. Really, I'd like to pay for you."
"But-"
Before this argument got too much farther, I jumped in with a little advice. "Cadance, just do what I do: accept her generous offer, then slip some bits into her bag when she's not looking."
That wasn't as helpful as I thought it would be. In addition to Cadance giving me a confused look, Rarity wasn't very happy at the revelation. "Hold on a minute, is that where those extra bits were coming from? Twilight!"
I recoiled and teleported to the door. "Hey, this isn't about me! Leave me out of it!"
Rarity huffed. "Cadance, dear, please don't follow her advice."
Cadance was baffled at the exchange. "Um, okay."
With the matter of who was paying settled, we all left the Boutique and separated in two groups. While Rarity, Fluttershy and Cadance went to the spa, me, Pinkie, Spike and Shining began the walk home. It was still early enough in the morning that Ponyville was still setting up for the day.
Shining sighed in contentment at peaceful town surrounding us. "I like the life you've made for yourselves."
Well, not so much made as it was stolen, but whatever. "Thanks, I wouldn't trade this in for anything."
Shining chuckled. "Yeah, I can see why. It sounds like you've made a lot of friends here."
"Between Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow, Applejack, Minuette, Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, Lyra, Moondancer, Bulk, Blossomforth, Zecora, and Spike? Yeah, I guess that's a lot of friends for me."
Shining chuckled. “There was a time we all thought you’d be stuck in your tower reading all day, every day. You’ve really come a long way.”
Crap, were we having a moment?
“You have so many friends, now. You’re more sure of yourself and you stand taller. Heck, it’s almost like you’re a different pony!”
Spike and I both had to hold back a wince at that. The poor guy didn’t realize how close to the truth that was.
“And with the way both you and Spike act together, it’s almost like you’re brothers rather than brother and sister.”
I shared another glance with Spike. Shining was this close to figuring it all out.
Speaking of the stallion, he stepped closer to me and wrapped a foreleg around me. “I’m really proud of you, Twilight.”
Huh, can't say anyone's ever been proud of me. "Why? I'm not that great, am I?"
Shining just chuckled kindly. "Of course you are! You're the best little sister a stallion could ask for."
I huffed in dismay. That was awfully nice of him to say, but I could hardly consider myself great. It's not like I do anything useful around here. But then again, it's not like Shining Armor was referring to me.
Pinkie hopped next to me and eager joined the hug. "Not to mention best friend!"
Gee, thanks for the reminder. As if it wasn't bad enough that I had a "brother" who was inproportionately proud of me, I also had a bunch of friends to do the same.
"Yeah!" Shining ruffled my hair affectionately. "You've been doing well for yourself, Twiley. You really are special!"
Not really, I'm not.
Eventually, they noticed I wasn't smiling from their praise, not even bashfully. Shining was the first one to bring it up. "Are you okay, Twiley? You seem upset."
"Yeah, I'm fine." I answered easier than I should have.
"Really?" Pinkie asked. "I mean, you aren't Zecora sad, but you haven't been this sad since I dragged you to my basement."
Shining gaped at that implication. "Uh, what?"
I was about to explain what happened myself, but somepony above us joined the conversation unexpectedly. "Hey, egghead! Pinks!" We looked up to find the pony in question hovering in place on blue wings.
"Uh, Shining Armor, that would be Rainbow Dash." I introduced numbly.
Rainbow landed expertly before us, already posing arrogantly. "The one and only." She looked Shining up and down. "Do I know you?"
"I'm Twiley's older brother. And you're the one that taught Twilight to swear casually?" He asked.
This confused Rainbow. "Huh? Twilight was swearing at everything since she got here."
Shining eyed me critically. "Really?"
I sighed with my head in my hoof. "I just didn't want you to know."
"Uh huh."
I sighed with exasperation. "Any way, seeing how this morning is going, I imagine you'll want to speak with me in private about something?"
Pinkie tapped me on the shoulder. Curiously, she hoofed over a small sheet of paper. I scanned the paper, and gulped. It was a crayon drawing of a pie.
Now sweating bullets, I hoped beyond hope that she didn't.
Rainbow looked like she wanted to say something about the exchange, but thought better of it. "Er, not really."
"Not even if I told you he is a guard captain?"
"Oh yeah? Good for him."
I sighed with relief at the close call. Dying wouldn't have turned out well for me.
"I was just coming over to see if you wanted to hang out, but you look like you'll be busy."
"Actually," I halted her. "We were going to see if you all wanted to have lunch with us."
Rainbow's interest kept her from flying off. "Really? Who's paying?"
"If history is anything to go by, it's probably Rarity."
"Sweet!" She hopped into the air. "The diner, right?"
"Yeah, we'll be around by noon."
"Awesome! I'll go get AJ!"
With that, Rainbow sped into the distance with only her prismatic contrail to signal her departure. I sighed with relief, seeing as how that encounter could have gone a lot worse. Looking back at the others, all sans Pinkie were even concerned by my relief.
I shrugged with an unconvincing smile and they let it go. Conversation was sparse after that. We continued the rest of our trek in relative silence before we got to the front door.
My magic flashed across the door and pushed it open. "Welcome back to the homestead."
Everyone stepped inside, but my eyes immediately fell upon the cups we set out earlier, still partially filled with tea and water. With a huff of annoyance, another flash of magic teleported the dishes into the sink, clattering ceramic sounding from the kitchen. Pleased, I flicked my hoof to close the door.
The door hit an obstruction, which upon further inspection, was somepony's beige hoof. The pony in question pushed the door open and scowled at me. "I saw you taking the captain in here, Twiliclone!"
It was Bon Bon, of course. Great, now I had to deal with her.
I sighed and looked back into the room. "Hey, big brother! The secret agent is here for you!"
"Huh? Secret agent?" He came up next to me and examined the new arrival. Immediately, his face registered recognition. "Oh, uh, have we met before?"
I rolled my eyes. "Convincing. Look, can we drop the act? Bon Bon here is a spy or something, and she wants to talk to you about how I'm evil."
The mare in question stepped back nervously, while my older brother raised an eyebrow. "You know about Sweetie Drops? Wait, why does she think you're evil?"
Bon Bon, who I guess was really Sweetie Drops, cleared her throat to get our attention. "Um, captain, can we have a word?"
"Uh, yeah. Yeah." He walked just past the doorway, where the both of them stepped to the side. "Okay, maybe you could start by telling me how my sister found out about Equestria's spy network?"
Bon Bon gulped nervously.
I would have listened to them talk a little more, but I felt I needed a bit of space from that stuff. I shut the door and huffed a little. "And there goes the greatest brother who ever lived."
"Are you okay, Twilight?" Spike asked behind me.
"Eh, I guess." I said without commitment. "It's just a little sad seeing what I've been missing out on all these years."
"What do you mean?"
I shook my head at the door. "Man, did you see Shining Armor? What a guy. He's proud of his sister, and I don't deserve it. He's captain of the royal guard, getting married to a princess, and having exotic vacations all over the place. That's far better than what I've got going for me."
Pinkie's voice cut through me. "What about your friends? Aren't you proud of us?"
I stared shocked at her. "Well, yeah, I'm very proud of my friends. It's just," I looked off to the side. "I don't know how I got so lucky. Five great friends just seemed to come out of nowhere. I really appreciate everypony's continued tolerance of me, but I don't know how you can all associate with me."
Even by normal standards, Pinkie was more reserved than usual. Almost quietly, she prodded for more. "Why do you say that?"
I sat on the floor, shaking my head in consternation. "I'm just not that great. Certainly not 'guard captain' great. I'm just a sub-standard pony who's fortunate."
I stood up suddenly, pacing and ranting about whatever came to mind. "What's so great about me, huh? I fly into town, and on day fucking one I have a bunch of ponies wanting to be my friend, having a massive party and celebrating a holiday of great repute. Somehow, some fucking way, me and a special group of ponies crawl through a nightmare forest and save the world without my input, and now everyone looks at me like I was somehow helpful. Then, those ponies and I go on to have a strong and lasting relationship that sees us through one disaster after another!"
I slammed my hoof on a table, lingering and gesticulating in anger at something I couldn't name. "Oh, but then it turns out it's not just them! Then the sovereigns of the realm come by and each tell me that they care! They act as if being there when rainbows come to life somehow makes me uniquely qualified for being considered a decent pony! First Celestia comes around being all concerned about me for some reason, and then Luna acts as if I'm somepony worth knowing. I somehow have the hearts and minds of the princesses, and I didn't do shit to get it!"
Scraping my hoof along the table, I threw my hoof to an irritating point at the door. "And now there's that guy! Perfect loving brother and prince-to-be! How could I possibly compare to that guy? He's just too incredible! With him being proud and shit, I don't know what to do with myself. What next? Is God Himself going to introduce himself before me and tell me how I'm worthy of the divine?"
I threw up my hooves with demanding exasperation. "Well what have I been doing right? Why does everyone have to care about me?"
The room was still after my outburst. I huffed and puffed, recovering my breath from the yelling. Spike and Pinkie stared wide-eyed at what must have been a confession on my part.
After a few moments of silence, I steadied myself. "Sorry about that. I shouldn't have yelled like that."
Spike, being all concerned and shit, broke the silence. "Wow, I don't even know what to say about that. Are you sure you're okay?"
I waved a hoof dismissively. "Yeah, don't worry about it."
"I think this is why Pinkie thinks you're sad all that time." Spike remarked.
"I get it." I huffed.
"And I think you need help."
"Oh, don't give me that." I groused. "I can handle things just fine on my own."
"You don't seem fine to me."
I crossed my hooves irritably. "I'll be fine. You don't need to concern yourself over my petty little feelings. Lord knows I barely pay them any attention."
Spike hummed with barely suppressed concern. "Well, if you're sure. I still think you need someone to talk to about this."
"Eh, I've managed just fine until now." I said, effectively shutting down his arguments.
We shared a nod, agreeing to drop it for the time being. We had other things to worry about, after all. There was the situation with Shining Armor and Cadance, the upcoming turmoil at lunch, and of course I still had to worry about...
Shit. Pinkie.
I couldn't help but to smile at her nervously, figuring I knew what was coming up. "Anyway, I'm sorry to keep putting off our private chat. What was it you wanted to discuss?"
Pinkie was still standing motionless. It was hard to tell with her, but she seemed less bouncy than usual. I could have sworn her coat was a shade darker, too. This didn't make me feel any better about our upcoming conversation.
"Uh, Pinkie?" I tried to pry.
She didn't say anything in response, only walking up to me slowly. I wanted to back away from her, but I held myself in place. Whatever she was going to do, I was sure I could take it.
To my credit, I knew I could handle her hugs. She grabbed me and held me close, catching me entirely by surprise. "It's okay, Twilight. I understand."
"Whuh?" Was the only intelligible response I could come up with.
Pinkie nuzzled into me, speaking softly with compassion. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm here for you, now."
I groaned. "Can we not do this? I don't need hugs to get through my life."
Pinkie only tightened her grip, speaking in a happier tone this time. "I only want to hug you more, now!"
Now I was really confused. Wasn't Pinkie angry with me a while ago? Why was she so "murder" one moment and "free hugs" the next? I couldn't really answer that, and it was bugging me. I settled with stroking her mane as I waited for her to let go.
Eventually, she pulled back and smiled optimistically into my eyes. "Feeling better?"
"I guess?"
She nodded in satisfaction, caring for little else than me feeling better.
At least until she hopped in place with renewed energy and a smile that I recognized as what was distinctly hers. "Hey, since I met your cool older sibling, how would you like to meet my cool older sibling?"
She was inviting me to meet her family? How fast this girl was to forgive. "Sure, I guess. When should we do that?"
"Great!" She bounced her mane, which popped out two tickets. She caught them deftly in the hook of her mane like she just caught a fish. "Let's get going!"
Pinkie trotted right past me, grabbing my tail in her mouth. She didn't even stop; she just kept trotting forward and dragged me behind her.
I fell to my belly, not even fighting against her. "Oh, we're going now? Alright then..."
Pinkie dragged me through the doorway, which Shining Armor had just opened to go back inside. Instead, he stepped out of Pinkie's way and watch perplexed as Pinkie kidnapped me without a struggle. Spike stepped out to watch alongside him, doing little more than him to stop us from leaving.
I called out to Spike one last time before we got too far. "I'm going on a trip, apparently! You're in charge, Spike! I know you know where five of my stashes are! Feel free to take anything that isn't booze!"
I didn't get a response. Nopony, not even the other Ponyville residents said anything against Pinkie dragging me through town like freshly caught game. I had no idea where Pinkie was taking me after the train station, but I guess it had nothing to do with my imminent death. Thus ended the first time I met Shining and Cadance: with my prompt abduction.