//------------------------------// // Gilda's Story // Story: Villains United // by juststeph //------------------------------// “What did you think of last week’s story?” a pony asked a griffon as they gathered near the cider table. The griffon made a scoffing sound and replied, “That serpent was a total dweeb. Nightmare Moon might’ve been kind of cool if she wasn’t whining about lame ponies the whole time.” “Not all ponies are lame,” the pony said indignantly. “Trixie is not lame.” The griffon just gave a cool look to the pony. “Ponies are lame.” “Greetings, everyone!” called Nightmare Moon from the circle of chairs. “Who will be the next to speak?” “Trixie will-“ the pony began to volunteer, but the griffon interrupted her with a snarl. “I think it’s time for a cool story,” she said, striding to the front of the room. -- GILDA’S STORY Look, I didn’t actually face the Elements of Harmony or whatever, but I know the ponies you’re all talking about. I went to Junior Speedster flight camp with Rainbow Dash. She was cool back then. There weren’t a lot of griffons at the flight camp. Most the time, we’re too busy hunting to go to things like that. So I was stuck there with a bunch of lame-o ponies. Most of them were kind of scared of me—some old mare’s tale about how griffons eat ponies. But Dash was cool enough to realize that was just a bogus rumor, and that I’m awesome. So we hung out. I went to Ponyville to visit Dash. I hadn’t seen her in a while so I figured, old times, you know? I thought it’d be cool to hang again. At first, yeah, it was pretty sweet. Then Pinkie Pie showed up. So, you know Pinkie Pie as one of the Elements—I don’t know which one, I don’t really care—but I just know her as the lamest of lame ponies. I’m only hanging out with Dash for an hour before Pinkie shows up and tries to join us. I don’t mind that Dash has new friends now. I do too, but mine are cooler. I just didn’t want to hang out with her friends, you know? Dash said she’d see Pinkie later, and it was cool. We went off flying—she got seriously fast. Of course, so did I, but I gotta respect my friend for her speed. That dweeb Pinkie Pie came back. I don’t know what her problem is, but she wouldn’t leave us alone. I told her to scram, and she came back. She had all these lame ways of getting up to the clouds—doesn’t she know earth ponies shouldn’t be up that high? I had to spell it out for her as plain as I could: she’s a dweeb, dorking up the sky, and Dash wanted to hang out with me. That finally got her to leave. I might’ve been kind of mean to her, but Dash didn’t see any of it, so it didn’t matter. And it was cool to hang out with Dash without any dweebs around. Just us and the sky. We ran into a few other pegasus ponies—one of them had weird eyes and almost bumped into me—but mostly they stayed out of our way. But Dash had to go do some work or something, so I went to hang in the town. I decided to prank some of the ponies. Maybe they’d be good for something. I scared the buck out of this old mare by making her think my tail was a snake—it was hilarious. Then, since I was at a food cart, I realized I was pretty hungry, but all those lame ponies had was fruit. No meat. I stole an apple from the cart—I would’ve paid for meat, but hey, they didn’t have any. Didn’t taste that great, anyways. So I was walking along, eating my apple, and another lame pony bumps into me. She’s taking care of ducks or something—how dorky is that? I scared her off pretty fast. Stupid pony couldn’t even talk to me. Just whined about how sorry she was. I gave up on the town. Too boring. So I flew back up to the clouds and took a nap for a while. At least the clouds in Ponyville are soft. Only good thing about that place—you know, I still can’t understand why Dash moved there in the first place. Dash woke me up when she was done with her weather stuff by pushing a raincloud over me. Honestly, it did scare me. She’s pretty awesome at pranks—usually. This was a good one. We laughed about it, but then she had to go and ruin it by telling me that Pinkie Pie was throwing a party. That lame pony couldn’t leave me and Dash alone. At least she said the party was in my honor, so that was pretty cool, I guess. It’s the reason I went, anyways. And I was going with Dash, so at least we’d get some more time to hang out, even if we were hanging around a bunch of lame ponies. When we got to the party, I decided to be nice and be polite to Pinkie. She was annoying, but she was Dash’s friend. But when I shook her hoof, she shocked me! One of those stupid buzzers. I figured out what kind of party it was—she was mad that I told her to get lost and wanted revenge. I wasn’t going to play her game, and I let her know that. She acted all innocent, but I knew she was bringing a challenge. She kept pulling prank after prank on me. All of them were pretty lame and weak, and I felt like a dork walking into all of them. First the spicy lemon drops, then the dribble glass, the spitting snakes, and finally that cake with the relighting candles. I should have seen them all coming, but at least I knew who to blame for them. When we started playing pin the tail on the pony, I thought I’d figured her out. She pointed me one way, so I went the other. And I walked right into another prank—or really I fell into it, and ended up with the tail pinned on my beak. Those lame ponies just laughed at me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was acting like a dork getting pranked so many times, and the lame-o ponies were laughing at me. On top of that, I was spending no time with Dash without Pinkie hanging around. So I roared, something which I know scares ponies usually. Even Dash hated it back at flight camp. And it got the ponies to shut up. I let all those ponies know how lame they were acting, what dweebs they were. And I told Pinkie Pie all about how her pranks were weak and she wasn’t getting to me. I knew Dash would be on my side, so I told her we were leaving and that should have been the end of it. But Dash stayed behind. She said she was behind those pranks—which I still don’t believe, she’s better than that—and that I was being mean to her friends. I wasn’t. Pinkie annoyed me first, and she kept trying to get back at me. I didn’t even meet her other friends, so I don’t know what she was talking about. Anyways, she told me to leave. I know I’m so much cooler than her and those dorky friends of hers, but I haven’t talked to Dash since then. I kind of miss her, you know? At least, I miss the cool Dash. If she’s just another lame pony now, I don’t want to talk to her. I just want the old Dash back, so we can hang out and race again. -- “So, why were you friends with her in the first place?” one of the ponies asked. Gilda rolled her eyes. “I just said she used to be cool. Weren’t you listening?” “Honestly, it just sounded like you were jealous,” another pony added. Gilda turned to the dragons, dogs, and other non-pony creatures of the group. “You see what I mean? Ponies are lame.” “Trixie is not lame!” cried a pony. “Then ‘Trixie’ can tell her own story,” Gilda said. “I gotta bail. I’m done talking to you all.”