//------------------------------// // Non Dialogue of Inner Voices // Story: Flying Ember // by Fenton //------------------------------// "So, how are you today?" asked Mr Pegliacci in his usual neutral tone. "I'm fine," simply replied Octavia. She looked around, thinking that the psychologist's office was becoming familiar; maybe too familiar. She had learned to like the comfort of the couch she was sitting on and the way it had to help her to relax, but it also meant she could easily open up to the psychologist, an idea she wasn't still comfortable with. She was used to hide her emotion, except for a few friends. And even with them, there were some things she wasn't ready to talk about. It was only the third time that she came here and he had already made her talk about some of her deepest feelings. At first, she had feared of what he could do with this knowledge but she had convinced herself he only had his patient's well-being in mind. "I guess it means your small outing with Miss Scratch went well?" he asked. Octavia froze. "I... won't use well to describe it. In fact, there has been a little incident." "Oh, would you mind if I ask you what happened?" "No, not at all," she replied. She took a breath to gather her thoughts. "Three days ago, we went to that café in front of the hospital and were simply chatting, talking about everything and nothing..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "You can't expect everypony to be able to enjoy a piece only because the musician is skilled!" exclaimed Vinyl. "You make music to make ponies feel," she added, knocking her hoof several times on the table to strengthen her argument, "not to teach them!" "But then you are stuck with an uneducated audience that will accept whatever you will give them, be it a masterpiece or a row of noises." "Is that a disguised comment on my music?" asked the white unicorn. Octavia noticed that Vinyl hadn't been entirely able to prevent a smirk from playing at the corner of her lips. She didn't need to see it anyway to know that Vinyl wasn't mad, quite the opposite. They had already had this kind of argument before, this wasn't new so she played along. "You know well that even I, a snooty arrogant pony from the upper-class, has learned to enjoy your music and its inherent qualities. That's because I've seen you mixing and crafting a tune that I've understood how it was made. And that has made this kind of music enjoyable for me." "Yeah, I know I am the best teacher but..." "Good evening misses," interrupted a waiter. "May I take your order?" "Oh, hum... yes," stammered Vinyl. "I'll take an orange juice." "And a green tea for me please," added Octavia. The waiter left and Vinyl didn't waste any time, locking her eyes again with her friend. "What was I saying again? Ha, yeah. I may be a great teacher but I believe it isn't because you saw how it works that you can know listen to my electronic music." "And what, pray tell, has made this possible? Please enlighten the poor mare, I'm all ears." Octavia didn't try to hide her own smile. "Now don't be so hasty young student," replied Vinyl grinning from one ear to the other. "All things come to those who wait." "Will you spit it out?" she groaned half-amused and half exasperated. "That's simple," said Vinyl her smile now looking more like one of a predator that had caught his prey. "It's because you finally removed the stick stuck in your rump. Don't believe that I haven't seen you sometimes tapping your hoof or nodding in rhythm with my music." Octavia blushed slightly at the truth her roommate had uncovered. "Guilty as charged" she admitted. "Give me a few more months and I'll make you dance like you've never danced before," added Vinyl. Octavia took her cup of tea between her hooves and raised it towards Vinyl. "Then, to my future jumps and body shakes that you dare call dancing," she solemnly declared. "And to what truly matters," replied Vinyl. "Music." She tried to take her own glass with her hooves but it slip from her grasp, spilling its contents all over the table. Octavia was about to gently laugh at her friend's clumsiness but the look of anger she saw on her face stopped her. More than angry, her friend looked frustrated. "That's okay," she said carefully. "I'll ask the waiter some towels to clean..." She couldn't finish her sentence. "Fuck. This. SHIT!" Vinyl violently stroke the empty glass on the table, smashing it in several pieces. "Vinyl!" she exclaimed, shocked by the sudden burst of her friend. She started noticing that they had become the center of attention of all the terrace. "Get me back to the hospital," grumbled Vinyl, standing from her chair."We're leaving." "But..." "We're. Leaving." Octavia quickly took a few bits from her saddlebags, with a little extra to cover for the broken glass, and put them on the table. She had to trot to caught up her friend who seemed eager to put some distance between herself and the café. "Vinyl, wait!" she called. "What, in Equestria, has gotten into you?" Octavia saw she was slightly limping, telling her she had had to hurt her hoof by smashing the glass. "Are you hurt?" she asked. "Of course I am!" she snapped. "But that's okay, because we're heading to the hospital where they can fix me." Octavia looked at her, dumbfounded. "No, forget about that," she added. "They can't do shit." What was supposed to be a chance for Vinyl to leave the hospital and the cure for a few hours had ended badly, and Octavia couldn't prevent herself from feeling guilty. She followed Vinyl to the hospital, unable to even utter a word. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "... and I still don't understand why she reacted like that," concluded Octavia. "I mean she was normal and the second after she was mad... Do you have any idea?" Peggliacci's look was unreadable. "I have a good guess on why but if Miss Scratch hasn't told you about it, I can't really tell you either. I'm bound by professional secrecy. All I can tell you is that it's not unusual to see alcoholics go through mood swings." "It's her magic, isn't it?" Seeing a little twitch of his right wing, she was certain she had guessed well. "She told me that she hadn't been able to use it since she was admitted to the hospital-" she sighed heavily "-she also told me that it was only a matter of time before she would get it back." "Since you're aware of this, you should understand why your friend has acted like that." "Not... really." "You're a cellist, right?" he asked, looking briefly to the cello case Octavia had brought with her. "Hmm yes..." she answered, surprised by the topic switch. "Now try to imagine your life if, suddenly, you lose the use of your hind legs.” He paused to let her grasp the idea. “You wouldn't be able to stand to play your instrument. I know that you could still find a way to perform but it would take some time to accept that fact, a time during which you'd probably feeling as if a part of your purpose in life has been torn apart. I'm just guessing, I may be wrong and maybe you would recover immediately. And, moreover, unicorn's magic is deeply linked with the unicorn's talent." "Hold on a minute," she said horrified. "You're telling me that Vinyl has lost half of her talent?" "Yes and no” he sighed. “You need to understand that the unicorn's magic reflects the talent. The spells one can learn is connected to it. Ponies tend to think that there are some basic spells, like telekinesis, which every unicorn can learn, but that's wrong. I've seen some unicorns able to cast such complex spells, because they were related to their inner talent, but unfortunately unable to levitate a simple small object like we expect every unicorn to do. Clearly, they aren't the majority and that's why we may think this way." Octavia recalled every time she had seen Vinyl playing with her turntables. She remembered Vinyl was almost always using her magic to push the buttons, to turn the knobs or to move the vinyls, rarely using her hoof. And every time she had seen her mixing, Vinyl seemed... complete. Every move she made, every motion, all was aimed towards a single direction. Both her body and her magic worked together to create a powerful harmony, vibrant and lively. A dreadful thought came to her mind. "And what if it's permanent? What will she become?" "No one can tell. She'll learn how to use her hooves without breaking everything around her or she'll never cope with the loss of her magic. I've seen so many different ponies in my career, each one of them with their own difficulties and their own talent. Some of them have changed so much from what they once were that you couldn't have even started to imagine what they could become at that moment. And I wouldn't be surprised to see them being even more different today than the last time I saw them. For now, your friend is a DJ who mix tunes in clubs. What will she be in five years? No one can tell." "I... I see." "You should also be aware that your friend may become a total different pony, so different that your friendship may not last." She winced. Apparently, Peggliacci had noticed her reaction but he didn't comment and Octavia tried to grasp the idea. "I don't know why but thinking about the end of our friendship is... unpleasant," she tried to explain. "I..." She wasn't able to carry on and she felt her eyes stinging. Soon enough, she was fully crying, a nagging voice in her head mocking her, saying she had failed once more to go through an entire session without falling apart. Peggliacci offered the box of tissue she was also becoming familiar with and waited. "I'm sorry for that." "That's fine, but I see that ‘unpleasant’ might not have been the best choice of words." "Indeed," she replied with a half smile. "Do you know why thinking about this has put you in this state?" he genuinely asked. "Maybe, it's... it's a thing that I... hadn't wanted to face. I..." She felt her tears were trying to come back but she kept them inside. Now was the time for thinking and talking, not crying. "Vinyl is my only real friend... I've never formed such a deep bond with somepony before her. As I've already told you, I've been raised in a wealthy environment and I was supposed to act like a proper lady. In every school I've gone, in every class I've attended, I've always kept some distance with my classmates. I've made a lot of acquaintances but not a single friend. The year spent with Vinyl... I don't know if it's only because we've lived together or because it's inherent to our personality but..." She didn't finish her sentence and stared into space instead. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her eyes closed, Octavia put her bow on the string. She let it stand for a moment, taking a deep breath and finally, she started to play. The first note, slow and gentle. She hold it longer than expected, as if she wanted to make the moment last, that exact moment when she starts to play and her soul is split between the fear of failure and the thrill to play before an audience. Today's audience only consisted of a single pony, a white unicorn for whom Octavia had never played before and that added to her desire to have everything perfect. Of course, Vinyl had already heard her play, whether it was the cello, the double bass or the piano, the Holy Trinity of Octavia's instrument, but it was the first time she was playing for her and only her. The next notes followed, bouncing one after the other, getting higher and higher before Octavia went back to a lower one and starting again the gradual musical climb, each time with a different low note. Every time she played her cello, she could feel the vibration of her instrument resonating with her chest but today, she could feel it was reaching her heart. She forced herself to maintain her focus but it seemed that her heart had decided otherwise and she surrendered to it. Fortunately, it didn't impact on her play and she was surprised to hear that it was not only as good as usual but it was also different. She hadn't the time to decide if it was in a good or a bad way, she had reached the end of the piece. She raised her face and finally opened her eyes. Vinyl was looking straight at her and her deep violet eyes seemed enthralled. "Whoa... Octi that was... incredible," stammered Vinyl. "Whoa." "Thank you," replied a blushing Octavia. "What was that song you've just played? I've never heard it before." "It's a... it's a suite for cello I've composed myself. Did you... like it?" she asked blushing. "Like it?" replied Vinyl, wide-eyed. "Filly, this was perfect and not perfect like you usually are when you perform and sound a bit too mechanical, perfect like... I don't know, perfect like the true meaning of perfect." That wasn't helping Octavia understanding what her friend meant but she was happy with it nonetheless. She kept on playing for Vinyl who settled for listening, commenting sometimes how great were the pieces Octavia was playing, even if, unlike the first one, they weren't original compositions. When Octavia left her friend a few hours later, she felt complete. She had found a way to help her friend through her cure. She could distract her from her dark thoughts with her music. She hoped it would be enough.