//------------------------------//
// Dumber 
// Story: How to Disappear Completely 
// by shortskirtsandexplosions 
//------------------------------//

	"Rrrrrrrrghhh!"  Rover pulled at his pointed ears, fanged teeth gritting inside a slobbery maw.  "Eeeenough!"  He waved dramatically at the largest and smallest canines who were wrestling over a boulder across the catapult from him.  "Look at you two!  Behaving like mindlessssss pupsssss!"

"Hey!"  Spot frowned, perched atop Fido's shoulder in mid-struggle.  "We're not pupssss!"

"Yeah!"  Fido growled, hugging the boulder to his large fuzzy chest.  "What'sssss with the insssssultssss?  I thought you were on our ssssside!"

"I am on your ssssside!  You two are jussssst too dumb to realize how much I'm sssssticking my head out for you!"  Rover pointed at them.  "This is why the resssst of the Council never take ussss sssseriousssly, even after all the thingssss I've ssssaid to convince them of the poniessss and their evil wayssss!"

"But... but..."  Spot hopped down off of Fido's shoulders.  "Didn't you ssssay that the Council won't be talking with the poniessss now that you've filled the busssster?"

"Filled the—ugh!"  Rover face-paw'd.  "Am I talking to dogssss or hyenasss?"

Fido bore a tiny smile as he waved.  "My mom'ssss half dingo!"

Spot kicked his leg.

"Ow!"  Fido winced, touching foreclaws to each other.  "But it'sss true!  It'ssss why I have ssssuch big feet."

"Whatever!"  Spot growled, turning to face Rover again.  "What mattersss is that the poniesss won't be doing businessss with the diamond dogssss of High Paw!"  He gestured wildly at the catapult.  "What are we even doing here with this junk?!"

"We have to knock the poniessss' airsssship out of the sky!" Rover exclaimed.

Spot shrugged wildly.  "What for?"

"Yeah!"  Fido nodded, pointing at the smallest canine.  "What he yipped!"

"Becausssssse..."  Rover folded his large forelimbs, frowning.  "We need to make the poniessss sssssso angry that they'll never vissssit High Paw again!"

"You sssssure you won't... y'know..."  Spot coughed.  "...come back and attack ussss in greater numbersssss?"

"Yeah!"  Fido nodded again.  "With their big sssssun zebra!"

Spot growled at Fido.  "Their Princesssss is not a zebra!"

"The how come the ssssky is black and white?!"

"You idiot!"  Spot kicked his leg once more.  "We're dogssss!  Everything is black and white!"

Flash Sentry hopped down from a looming boulder to stand across the clearing from them.  "Also, you can't look up, it seems."

Rover glanced at him—then did a double-take.  "PONY!"

"Where?!"  Fido glanced all about.  "All I see is a winged creature!"

"Ssssome of them have wingsss, you mutt!"

"Really?  They're in leaguesss with the birdsss?!"

"Ssssshut up and help me!"  Rover scampered over to a wooden crate and fumbled with a blunt sword.  "Tie him down while he'sss disssstracted—"  An athletic set of hooves slammed over his paw.  "Yowsersss!"

Soarin' perched atop the crate, knocking the pick axe away and frowning.  "No stabbings today, thank you."

"Rrrrrgh!"  Rover licked his paw, backing up.  "Quick!"  He hissed towards his partners.  "Do something!"

"With what?"  Spot pointed at the catapult.  "We couldn't even load thissss ssssstupid thing!"

"And whosssse fault issss that?" Fido grumbled.

"Yourssss, you big oaf!"

"Awwwww!  I'm sorry—HEY!"  Fido snarled at the smallest one.

Flash cleared his throat loudly.  He casually sidestepped until he stood beside Soarin' and the crate.  "Sorry for the surprise entrance.  And... y'know..."  He pointed at Rover's paw.  "...for the bruised wrist."

"I'm not sorry," Soarin' muttered.

Flash sighed through that and threw the three canines a calm smile.  "Unlike some people, we're not wanting to start any wars today.  We just came here to talk."

"Hah!"  Rover barked, folding his forelimbs in indignance.  "Niccccce try at decccception, pony!  If you're not here to sssssstart a war, then why'ssss your friend wearing a uniform?"

"Huh?  Uniform?"  Flash looked at Soarin'.

Soarin' fidgeted nervously.

"That's... not a uniform..."  Flash wheezed.  "It's..."  He brightened, standing tall and proud.  "A dress!"

Soarin' twitched in his jumpsuit.  "A dress?"

Rover blinked.  "That's what a pony dressssss looksssss like?"

"Yes!  And isn't it a most... beautiful wedding gown for a beautiful bride?"  He drew the Wonderbolt close with a gentle wing, smiling cheekily at the dogs.  "We thought we might grab a ride on that airship over there for our honeymoon cruise!"

"Uhhhhh... yeah..."  Soarin' awkwardly gargled, sweating.  "We're on our way to Las Pegasus."

Flash chuckled breathily.  "You've got a Las Pegasus?"

"Yeah...?"

"Hah!  That's adorable..."

"That..."  Rover's eyes squinted as he pointed at Soarin'.  "...that isssss a female pony?"

"Sure!"  Flash's eyes narrowed.  "You've never seen one before?"

Fido and Spot immediately shuddered.

"We've met one before," Rover grumbled.  "We jusssst didn't know other maresss came so... thick."

"Thick?"  Soarin' grimaced, glancing down at his own flank.

"It's... uhm... a common misconception!"  Flash stammered, smiling as he gave Soarin' a wing-pat.  "I don't blame you for not telling the difference.  Dwarves get us mixed up all the time."

Soarin's muzzle scrunched.  "What are dwarves?"

Flash threw him a shocked expression.  "This land doesn't have dwarves?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"What kind of a magical land doesn't have dwarves?"

"Flash, when are you going to get it through your thick skull that I don't get your references."

"Darmok and Jalad on the Ocean."

"What?!"

"Precisely."

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww..."  Fido cupped his hairy maw between two paws.  "They're so cuuuute when they bicker—OOF!"

Spot spun from punching Fido in the gut.  "Cut the chatter!  Newlywedssss or not, you're interrupting sssssomething very important here!"

"What's so important?"  Flash arched an eyebrow.  "Launching deadly catapults at our fellow ponies over there?  Because I don't think either Equestria or High Paw will be down with that Wile E. Coyote shit."

"High Paw's counccccil isssss full of idiotssss to think that dealing with poniesss will make the diamond dogsss sssstronger!" Rover snarled.

"Yeah!  And..."  Spot leaned in.  "...did they just call us coyotes?"

"Rrrrrrrgh!"  Rover shoved Spot's forehead away.  "Begone, you two!" He shook a paw at the stallions.  "Or we'll cut you into ssssslicessss of horsssse meat!"

"Pffft.  Please..."  Flash pointed at Soarin'.  "Even my wife proved we could kick your hairy butts from here to Shanghay!"

"Flash..."  Soarin' moaned into his hoof.  "...I swear to Celestia."

"What?"  Flash grinned stupidly.  "You mean you don't have a 'Shanghay?'"

"Grnnnngh!"  Rover was back to pulling his ears.  "For the love of bonesss!"  He whimpered.  "What will it take to make you two leave?!"

"Just chill, Lassie, we only want to talk this whole thing—"  Flash stopped in mid-sentence.  He blinked at the trio of canines.

Soarin' craned his neck in legitimate curiosity.  "What?"

Flash squinted.

Rover, Spot, and Fido stared at them.  Their eye sockets were large, but their pupils were narrow... slitted.

Flash's lips pursed.  At last, he said, "Are you three... Hawkeyes?"

Immediately, the dogs' ears perked up in surprise.

"Do you represent the Hawkeye Pack?" Flash re-inquired.

"Ruff?"  Spot sniffed the air nervously.  "How would you know that?  You're a pony!"

Fido and Rover glanced at each other with nervous jitters.

"Well..."  Flash smirked aside.  "That's a thing."

Soarin' nodded.  "It sure is..."