Shining Armor wasted little time after kicking both front doors inward.
“That’s it! Everyone back to the Empire right this instant!” he screamed.
There must’ve been close to two hundred ponies crammed inside the small place, but only the two closest to the doors took any notice of him. The rest merely continued to drink, dance, and appear overwhelmingly happy or unbearably miserable or some combination of the two, all while nodding along to the bar’s blaring techno beat.
Two near identical mares greeted him near the doors. Both in tight fitting tops and shorts and donning makeup that made them appear more “Sombra-ish” than Shining would’ve liked: ruby red lipstick, purple and green eyeliner running up the sides of their heads. Even fake plastic crowns to finish it all off.
“Hi there!” greeted one of them. “Welcome to the Som-Bar. Have you been here before?”
Shining audibly groaned. “The Som-Bar? Okay, now Sombra’s hit a new low.”
“Would you like a table or a booth?” the second mare asked. “I think there’re still a couple of them open. Or there’s a few spots left at the bar, if that suits you better.”
“Just take me to your boss.”
The trek to the bar should’ve taken less than thirty seconds, but ended up taking nearly three times that long. Sombra’s “Som-Bar” was apparently quite the popular spot, loaded to the brim with ponies and creatures from all walks of life. Several times Shining stumbled into guards and citizens from within his very own Crystal Empire; some just enjoying a late-night drink while others appeared close to passing out drunk.
One of his more well-known guards wrapped a meaty hoof around his shoulder, slopping the contents of his drink onto him. “Captain Sh-Shining! You… you m-made it! I just… just knew you’d come out and p-p-party with us sometime!”
That was when the guard belched in Shining’s face and was promptly shoved away for it. Following that, Shining basically tackled any pony that stood between him and the bar.
Once there, Sombra greeted him with a smile. “Why if it isn’t Shining Armor! My greatest nemesis.”
Since he’d been pondering exactly what he’d say to Sombra the entire time it took to get to his bar way out in the woods, Shining launched into it without pause. “Shut this bar down right this instant and give me back my guards!”
Then something made him stop.
“Did you just call me your greatest nemesis?” Shining had to hide a mild blush. “You… uh, really think that?”
“Why of course!” Sombra explained. “Who else threw their very own wife like a football through the air in order to stop me? I must say, that was quite the clever thinking on your part.”
Shining surprised himself with a grin. “Oh, that? That was nothing. Anyone could’ve done that. I was just in the right place at the right time. You know how it is.”
Sombra’s smile turned into a sneer. “I’m only pulling on that rather girly looking leg of yours, Shining. I think by this point in time, Flurry Heart’s more of the threat to me than you. Right next to early onset diabetes.” His eyes flickered in the dimly lit room as he must’ve remembered something. “Did you know the last time I visited a doctor, anesthesia hadn’t even been invented yet? And here I thought that colonoscopy of mine would never end!”
While Sombra blathered on, Shining took notice of just what he had on behind the bar: slick red vest, black bowtie, heavily jelled mane. Even a nametag with MANAGER on it.
“You really like dressing up, don’t you?” Shining asked.
Sombra nodded like a hyper child. “Yes, I do. I really do.” Then he pulled a large glass out from behind the bar to wipe at with a cloth. “So what’ll it be? Light beer? Ice water? Glass of warm milk? We do technically have a drink named after you. It’s ginger ale, grenadine, and with a cherry on top. And just like you, it’s completely virgin.”
Shining couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “I have a kid for Celestia’s sake.”
Chewing on his tongue, Sombra said, “I don’t know, Shining. Flurry Heart does looks an awful lot more like Cadence than you. Were you perhaps away on business during her conception?”
“No,” Shining replied through gritted teeth.
“Oh, well. Until I see some solid video evidence, I guess I’ll just have to take your word for it. Why did you come in here again?”
“I want you to shut this place down. Immediately.”
Sombra’s eyes went wide. “But why? We’re doing great here! Business is booming! We’re packed every single night here. Doubly so on Super Sexy Dance Saturdays!”
“You’ve hired strippers, too? Everything you do just makes me sick, Sombra.”
Sombra frowned. “Hey! I don’t call myself a stripper! No, sir! More of a ‘remover of clothes’ after carefully putting them on! You heard that right, Shining. Twelve sweaters! Eight pairs of socks! Three pairs of slacks! Two and a half cowboy hats! All removed before your very eyes alongside interpretive dance, music, and lights!”
“A half cowboy hat? What does that even mean?” Shining questioned.
“One of the hat’s a lot smaller than the others. It’s used to cover my—”
“Don’t finish that.”
“Horn.”
Shining’s eyelid twitched. He was finding just speaking with Sombra like a battle in and of itself. Confusing. Messy. Mostly illogical.
Shining even had the deep scars to prove it. Not ones on the outside, though; emotional scars that had no hope of ever completely healing.
As Shining’s shoulders slumped, he collapsed onto the closest barstool around.
“I’ll have a whiskey on the rocks.”
“That’s the spirit!” Sombra instantly whirled around to fix Shining his drink, ducking below the bar for a suspiciously long time before returning. He placed the drink down and set up his own shot of tequila and lime. “Here’s to the Empire!”
“And here’s to hoping I die peacefully in my sleep very, very soon,” Shining added bluntly before downing his drink whole. “So how much is that gonna set me back?”
Sombra was quick in refilling Shining’s glass. “One bit, please.”
As the alcohol warmly collided with his gut, Shining’s cheeks flushed. “One bit? That’s it?”
Nodding happily, Sombra went on to explain, “Every drink at the Som-Bar costs only a bit. I’m a multi-millionaire with one simple goal in mind: annoying you. So who cares if I lose a few thousand bits a night turning all of your guards and citizens into drunken simpletons?”
Shining told him bluntly, “Ever since you opened this dive bar of yours, my entire staff of guards has gone down the drain. Hangovers everywhere! Vomit everywhere! No guard can hold their post anymore and even normal citizens can hardly keep their own shops open because of how drunk they’re getting!” He growled deep in his throat. “You know that cinnamon bun place in the market? It’s not even open anymore! You know how long I’ve gone without a cinnamon bun?”
Gently, Sombra patted Shining’s shoulder. “There there, Shining. There there. It’s widely known how much you love other ponies’ warm glazed buns, but you have to realize I’m not doing anything wrong here. You don’t own this piece of land, so I can build whatever I want to here. Right next to my amusement park and theater. Plus, I’m even giving back to the villain community!”
Shining took another gulp of his drink. “How so?”
“Defeated villains get to drink free. All day. Every day.”
“Defeated villains? Why not regular ones?”
That was when Sombra turned his head to stare out onto the dance floor like some majestic explorer surveying some landscape only he could see. “Because villains that try their hardest only to fail have the biggest wounds of all to try and heal. With booze. Lots and lots of it.”
He pointed across the room at a lone mare at a table. Around her were about three dozen empty shot glasses and mugs. And one untouched plate of nachos.
“Who’s that?” Shining asked.
“Just wait,” Sombra said, keeping his glowing eyes on the mare.
Ten seconds later, the mare across the room hiccupped, and for a brief moment Queen Chrysalis was seated in her stead. Then as fast as an eye blink she was back as the mare from before. She soon screamed at one of the waitresses to hurry up and refill her drink.
“Trouble with the kids,” Sombra explained casually. “You know how it is.”
Shining frowned. “No, I don’t. My kid’s just fine.”
Sombra raised a brow. “Is she now? Is she really?”
Angling his head across the room, Shining followed Sombra’s cue and soon dropped his drink to the floor. At a table all to herself was Flurry Heart, twelve empty shot glasses scattered around her. She gurgled and loudly belched, giggling afterwards.
Shining leapt from his stool. “You got Flurry Heart drunk!?”
“Technically: juiced,” Sombra replied plainly.
“What’s the difference? You are such a bastard, Sombra. You know that?”
Reaching below the bar, Sombra brought out a large apple juice container. He filled up another shot glass that he got a server to bring over to Flurry Heart’s table.
“Oh,” Shining said, quieting down. “That kind of juice. Still, that’s an awful lot of sugar for a baby.”
Sombra shook his head at him gravely. “Just can’t have a good time, can you?”
Sighing, Shining admitted, “No, not really. After marriage and a kid, anything fun sort of goes out the window.”
Sombra poured Shining another drink and grinned. “I know what’ll cheer you up, good buddy! A round of Flurry Darts!”
Shining took a dainty sip of his drink. “Come again?”
“Flurry Darts! I invented it myself. Come along and I’ll show you.”
Exiting the bar, Sombra and Shining strolled toward Flurry Heart’s table and found her in the middle of a heated discussion with some pony so drunk, they were making even less sense than the baby was.
“Greahh… blarssfor… goodtrjddsl?” the pony asked in a mash of words.
Flurry Heart nodded along as if she understood completely. “Grapplemush?”
The pony slammed his hooves onto the table. “Exactly! Someone who understands!”
Sombra scooped Flurry Heart out of her chair. “Ready for another round of Flurry Darts, sweetie?”
Flurry Heart giggled and nodded, spreading out her wings to their fullest extent.
Already the bar’s thick crowd had quieted down and gave the three of them room. On a wall twelve feet away were three different sized golden rings: the largest on the outside, then the middle one, then the smallest at the very center. Right behind those was soft, white corkboard. To the right of that sat a trio of pony holding signs. Clearly judges.
“Think of it like darts meets paper airplanes,” Sombra went on to explain, gently holding Flurry Heart up on one hoof as he raised one wing while lowering the other. “You try and arrange Flurry Heart’s wings so that she’ll flip and loop as many times as possible before hitting the board. After that, the judges will give you their scores. If Flurry Heart makes it to the center ring, your score is tripled. Middle ring, it’s doubled. Outer ring, your score remains the same. Any questions?”
Shining took a moment to rub at his head with a hoof. “If you really think I’m about to let you throw my daughter across the room—”
But Sombra did so anyways, gently tossing Flurry Heart up into the air so that her wings and momentum would do the rest. The gathered crowd cheered as she first did three full loop-the-loops before spiraling into a fast corkscrew. With a faint thump, Flurry Heart’s horn embedded itself into the second ring’s area. Someone went to get her down a moment later, as she happily laughed and clapped. It was clear Flurry Heart liked all the attention.
“I hate you so much right now,” Shining muttered at Sombra.
Sombra didn’t seem to care. “Let’s see what the judges have to say!”
Judge one: 85 points.
Judge two: 91 points.
Judge three: 87 points.
Total: 263 with double bonus = 526 points.
Sombra smirked as one of the servers went to change the records on the chalkboard above the bar. “Beat my own personal best! Now if only I could get in that blasted center ring.”
Glancing up, Shining was dismayed to find the highest score belonging to none other than his very own wife. He could see some very serious marriage counseling coming on the horizon.
“Ready for your turn, Captain?” Sombra asked him gleefully.
“I’m not about to toss my child across the room for sport, Sombra,” Shining said thickly, his eyes suddenly becoming heavy. “In fact, the only ponies getting… tossed out of here will… will be my g-guards right… a-after—”
Shining’s vision went blurry and his tongue felt three times its normal size. Soon even standing became difficult, as he visibly wobbled on the spot.
“You… you put something in my d-d-drink,” Shining sputtered out.
Sombra only nodded and smiled. “Of course I did! You think I wouldn’t try to drug you while you were in my very own bar?”
“Wha… what are you g-going to do to me?”
Sombra’s smile widened, displaying his sharp fangs. “First, I’m gonna spread you out on the pool table.”
In fright, Shining’s eyes popped open. “Oh, no… not that! A-anything but that!”
Out from his vest, Sombra pulled out a thick black marker. “Then I’m gonna doodle on you in permanent marker.”
“You w-won’t get aw-away with it! My g-guards w-won’t let you!”
Sombra looked up to face the room. “Any Crystal Empire guards around here that would like to doodle on their boss? I promise he won’t remember a thing!”
The crowd cheered and Shining was thus doodled on without mercy.
The spelling mistakes alone numbered into the hundreds.