Applejack’s rear hooves landed on the bark of the tree, the sound of wood cracking and splinters flying around followed shortly after. Applejack breathed heavily, moving her forehoof against her forehead to wipe the sweat, and once again to wipe the tears.
Applejack had run all the way from the center of Ponyville to White Tails Woods, not really feeling like going back to the farm.
There was not a single part of her body that wasn’t in some kind of pain. Her legs ached from all the running and bucking. Her lungs felt tike they were on fire. Her eyes burned from all the crying. Her heart…
“I don’t feel that way for her.” Fluttershy’s words kept replaying on her mind.
Filled with pain, Applejack screamed, leaning forward, balancing on her front hooves as she lifted her back legs up from the ground, extending them as hard and fast as she could muster, hitting the same spot of the three she had been aiming at for the last hour.
“The letter wasn’t for her.”
Applejack screamed again, bucking the tree once more.
“It was for Big Mac.”
She screamed, managing to hit the tree even harder than the previous time.
“I don’t love her.”
Her heart kept breaking in smaller pieces every time those words crossed her mind.
She bucked again, but completely missed her target, falling hard on the ground. She remained there, her tired body screaming at her to let it rest. With the little left in her body, Applejack managed to lift her head and look back at the tree, only to find out said tree was no longer standing tall and proud where it had been a moment ago. Just like herself,the three was laying on the ground, her previous buck had managed to tear it down from the root.
Applejack let her head rest on the ground, wiping the freshly formed tears before closing her eyes, allowing her exhausted body a moment to rest.
Applejack walked slowly under the last rays of sunlight. Her head hanging low, but occasionally looking up to make sure she was walking in the right direction. It took her a while to get to the entrance of Sweet Apple Acres, and even longer to reach the Apple house, as she had slowed her pace even more, practically dragging her hooves over the ground.
She entered the house, moving in a beeline for the stairs.
“Hey, Sis,” Greeted Apple Bloom from the other room, Applejack just grunted in return. “Y’all never guess what happened today while Ah was out with the Scoots and Sweetie Belle!”
“Not right now, Apple Bloom,” she said as she went up the stairs.
“Just listen, it was incredible!” the little filly said, chasing after her sister. “So, after lunch, Scootaloo got here ta show me the new scooter her mom had gotten her for doin’ good this year at school…”
“Apple Bloom–”
“It looked really cool. So both of us went to the house club and waited for Sweetie Belle to get there…”
“Apple Bloom–”
“When she got there, we built a ramp. Don’t worry, it wasn’t a big one like the other time, just a simple one so Scoots could show us her new trick and–”
“Apple Bloom! Ah don’t care!” Applejack shouted, turning around and fixing a glare on her sister. “Go bother somepony else!”
Apple Bloom jumped back, curling in a ball, looking at her sister with wide, fearful eyes. The filly quickly turned around and bolted away.
Applejack ears dropped, already regretting her attitude towards her sister, but the sentiment didn’t last for long.
“What the hay got into ya?” came the deep voice of Big Mac from behind her. “Why did ya yell at her?”
Applejack tensed up. She looked down at the floor, gritting her teeth before slowly turning around, making sure not to look at her older brother as she made her way to her bedroom.
Big Mac stood on her way, effectively blocking her path. “Ya aren’t going anywhere until ya–”
Applejack looked up, shooting a glare that made Big Mac stop. Both of them looked at each other for a moment before Big Mac moved out of Applejack’s way. The mare kept her glare on her brother until she entered her room and slamming the door behind her.
Big Mac hadn’t moved out of the way because of her anger but because, in his whole life, he had seen that look on Applejack only once before. It wasn’t the red, bloodshot eyes with dried tear stains below them. It was that particular empty look in her eyes... just like the one she had when they had lost their parents.
Big Mac limped away on three legs, thinking of what could have happened to his sister as he looked for the youngest Apple of the family.
Meanwhile, Applejack’s back was pressed against the door. She was barely able to contain her sobs, but not the tears that now ran freely down her face. Seeing Big Mac had filled her with all kinds of emotions. Anger, pain and sorrow had hit her all at once when he had talked. A part of her had just wanted to tackle her brother to the ground and hit him in his stupid face, but the other part just wanted to move away to somewhere where she couldn’t see his stupid face.
Thankfully the second part had won, as she knew it wasn’t Mac’s fault that Fluttershy didn’t–
Applejack let out a moan of despair, cursing her mind for allowing this train of thought to go in that direction.
How could life be so cruel? Making her the happiest mare of whole Equestria, just to take it away from her in less than a day, spitting on her face by making her brother the one who took her happiness away.
Applejack shook her head. ‘Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!’ Applejack mentally repeated, trying to get rid of those thoughts that continued to add fuel to this pain in her heart.
Applejack stood, walking away from the door. She made her way to her bed, resting her body on it as she buried her face in her pillow. Her head hurt, just like the rest of her body. She just wanted for this day to end.
‘Why? To wake up and see today was just a nightmare? Ya know this is real. Fluttershy doesn’t love ya and she never will. Ya will wake up to the reality tomorrow.’
Applejack wiped the tears away, and just stayed there, trying not to think, trying not to feel.
A gentle knock sounded before the door slightly opened, Granny Smith poking her head inside. “Applejack, dinner is ready.”
“Ah’m not hungry, Granny. Eat without me,” Applejack said as she rolled away from the door.
Granny remained there on the door for a moment before speaking. “Ya want to talk about what happened today?”
“No,” Applejack replied.
Granny just sighed. “Alright. Ah’ll leave some food on the oven in case ya feel hungry later.”
Applejack did not answer.
The door closed, leaving the brooding mare alone.
Big Mac stretched on his bed until he felt the familiar crackling in his joints, letting out a relaxed sigh. With as much care as he could, the big red stallion rolled out of his bed, taking care to not hit his bandaged leg with something. Big Mac then proceeded to limp to the bathroom, ready to start with his morning routine.
As he left his bedroom and walked down the corridor, Big Mac noticed the open door of Applejack’s room. He had given her some space last night, but he was firm to have a little talk with her that same morning. A quick look inside the dark room was enough for him to know that his sister wasn’t there, so he limped past it to the bath.
After a quick shower, Big Mac moved to the first floor, where he found Granny Smith busy in the kitchen.
“Mornin’, Granny,” Big Mac said, taking his place on the table.
“Mornin’, dear,” Granny answered as she placed Mac’s breakfast in front of him.
The stallion was about to dig on his bowl of oatmeal when he noticed he still hadn’t seen his sister. “And Applejack?”
Granny sighed as she sat in front of her grandson. “Ah don’t have the slightest. She had already left when Ah woke up.”
Big Mac frowned. Granny was always the first to wake up, and Applejack never left the house without having her breakfast, as it was the most important meal of the day.
Big Mac ate in complete silence, worried about his sister. After finishing his bowl, Mac left to the living room, flopping on the couch with a book between his hooves. He didn’t really feel like reading. He wanted to get out there and look for Applejack, but it would be hard to move around with this injury in his leg. The only thing he could do right now was wait.
Apple Bloom had made him company for a while before she ran out the house to meet with her friends, leaving the stallion alone once more. There was nothing for him to pass the time, so he was more than happy when he heard a slight, almost imperceptible knock coming from the front door.
He moved as quickly as he could to the door and opened it. A quiet ‘eep’ was the first thing he heard as he laid his eyes on the yellow pegasus. The mare looked at him for barely a second before dropping her gaze to the floor and shrinking into herself.
“Mornin’, Miss Fluttershy.”
“Uhmm… G-good morning, Big MacIntosh,” Fluttershy answered without looking up, hiding her face behind her mane.
A brow arched on the stallion's face. It had been a long time since the mare had acted this shyly in his presence. Mac waited for Fluttershy to say something else, but as the seconds passed, it was obvious she wouldn’t.
“Can Ah help you with somethin’?”
Fluttershy peeked up, feeling nervous. She wasn’t mentally prepared to meet face to face with the pony she had feelings for. ‘What am I supposed to do? Does my mane looks good? I should have brushed my coat. I think he’s waiting for me to say something. S-should I try and tell him how I...’
Fluttershy frowned, her momentary panic disappearing as a different feeling filled her. She felt disappointed of herself.
‘You aren’t here for that!’ Fluttershy mentally scolded herself. ‘You came here to talk with Applejack! To apologize to her for what happened! Not to hurt her even more! Seriously, thinking about getting together with Big Mac at a moment like this? What’s wrong with–’
“Miss Fluttershy, are ya feelin’ alright?” Mac asked, pulling the mare out of her self berating.
Fluttershy looked up again at the concerned expression of the stallion before taking a deep breath. “I-I’m fine, thank you,” she said as she straightened up. There was a reason she was standing here, and it was time to get to it. “I-Is Applejack home?”
Mac sighed, his face dropping a little. “Nnope, and Ah have no idea where she is.”
“Ohh… Alright. I guess I’ll go look for her. Bye, Big Mac.” Fluttershy turned to leave, but quickly stopped as one of her hooves knocked something over.
“Oh, right! I almost forgot.” Fluttershy took the object between her hooves and turned towards the stallion, noticing for the first time the stallion’s bandaged leg. “Big Mac, what happened to you?” She asked worriedly as she rushed to meet Mac halfway.
Mac looked back at his leg and shrugged. “Sprained mah ankle, nothing serious.”
“You shouldn’t be walking around like that!” Fluttershy’s eyes widened as she gasped. “Don’t tell me you have also been working with that injury?”
Mac chuckled, shaking his head. “‘Ah tried, but Applejack would have none of it. A owe her one, she took care of bucking mah part of the farm two days ago.”
Fluttershy nodded. ‘That explains why she got the letter instead of Big Mac. I really should have been more specific to Mr. Bluejay about who was the one supposed to get it,’ she thought, shaking her head.
“This… this is Applejack’s. She… she left it behind yesterday,” she said as she offered the picnic basket to Big Mac.
Mac looked at it, the images of his sister spending the morning preparing food filled his mind. He lifted the checkered blanket, noticing that the items and containers inside had been cleaned up, but what really caught his attention was something else. Something that made a few things for him a bit more clear.
“I’d better leave now. Goodbye,” Fluttershy said, trotting away.
“Miss Fluttershy, Ah believe ya forgot something,” Big Mac said as he limped his way to the mare.
“Here. Ya forgot this,” Mac said, as he placed something right in front of the mare.
As Fluttershy looked at the object, she couldn’t help but feel as awful as the day before. Big Mac had placed the letter she had found in the basket right there.
“I… I can’t take it. Not after…”
“That letter is fer ya, it says it right there.” Mac said, pointing at Fluttershy’s name written on the envelope.
“I don’t think I should–”
“Miss Fluttershy, something happened between you and mah sister, right?” he asked. “She… when she got home yesterday, she looked like she had been cryin’.”
Fluttershy opened and closed her mouth several times before looking away in shame, a hollow sensation forming in her stomach.
Mac sighed. “Ah don’t know what happened, and Ah don’t think it is mah place to start snooping around in yer business, but Ah believe mah sister wrote it fer ya, so just take it. Do whatever ya want with it.”
Fluttershy remained still, looking as Big Mac limped away towards the house. When he had gotten inside the house, the mare took the envelope and put it below her wing before galloping away.
Applejack sat down at the top of the hill, looking at the distance. The hill had a perfect view of the whole apple farm, while also being far enough of the house. A place where she could be alone with her thoughts and feelings.
She had been unable to sleep and grown tired of tossing and turning in her bed, so she had decided to come to this place. She looked up at the blue sky that was slowly gaining an orange hue. She had been out here since midnight, and she hadn’t moved more than a few steps around that spot in all that time.
She leaned her head forward, allowing her hat to drop once more from the top of her head and between her hooves. She gently took the crumpled paper inside it with her teeth and pulled it out. Taking a deep breath, Applejack flattened it against the ground and read it once more, trying to find something in it.
Maybe it is wrong to say this in a letter instead of standing in front of you and saying it, but I’m scared.
I’m scared of what your answer might be, but I have hope that there is a chance that you will say yes.
There’s not a single day in which you don’t show up in my thoughts. Not a single day I don’t think about you mane, or your coat, or those bright and beautiful green eyes.
I can’t help but think how–
A few tears landed on the paper. Why did she kept torturing herself with this? She perfectly knew that there was nothing in the letter that indicated that what she had heard was just a mistake, not a line suggesting it was for her and not for Big Mac. It wasn’t for her, and it wouldn’t change no matter how many more times she read it.
Placing her hoof on the paper, pressing it against the grass and grabbing a corner with her teeth, Applejack pulled back, tearing the corner. She slowly tore small pieces of the letter, allowing the gentle wind of the day to pick them up, carrying them to a place where Applejack would never see them again.
She would apologize to Fluttershy for doing this, but not today or the day after. Not even the day after that, but eventually, she would. She would do it the day her heart stopped hurting.
Applejack looked down at the remaining piece of paper in her hoof.
With love,
Fluttershy.
Applejack flopped on the ground with her hoof extended, waiting for the wind to pick up the last piece of the letter as she cried one more time.