One wonders why things happen. Is it circumstance? Fate? Something else? Either way it does pose the question, allowing us to muse on the whys and wherefores. Of the Regiment, we did talk quite a lot about the circumstances of some problems. Solutions generally were found, except in the oddest cases
In the very worst conditions we sought a way to accomplish missions. We were rightfully proud of our skills.
Though sometimes, very rarely, even the mightiest of Bolos had to bow before forces beyond their ken.
Why?
Because we never imagined anything like Pinkie.
-----
It was a sunny day, a few wispy clouds scudding across the sky. Blue so crystal clear it hurt the eyes. We were dumping weight, trying to get rid of things we had no use for. It was hard, for each and every thing is a last piece of a history. But Athena had told me sometimes it is best to let the dross go and keep the shiny things. A fitting statement, although sometimes it is not so easy to do.
We are preparing her for the trip to the Crystal Empire, needing the full facilities of a Bolo to penetrate the frozen ground and search for anything that might link up with what was written in the old book. It is well that we have the time to do as close to depot-level maintenance as we can.
Supplies are being checked and re-checked. Tech spiders are going over every inch of Athena for weaknesses, repairing or replacing where needed. Since the Slaver Incident a week ago, we are being overly cautious except where security is concerned. There we are being absolutely paranoid.
But there is always something unexpected.
A case in point....
‘OOoooooOOOOO! What’s all this?” The high pitched voice was accompanied by a bouncing ball of energy we knew as Pinkie. Her bright blue eyes taking in the piles of containers as she and Athena walked the bay. We were sorting food and dumping what we couldn’t use in favor of making more nutritious items.
She was sticking her head into an open crate of bags, containing items we really preferred would never make it into the food chain.
Pulling out a bag of little bright red colored balls, she squealed in delight, “What’s this?”
“That Pinkie, is something not very good for you.”
“How can you say that? It’s looks like cereal! Cereal is always good!”
Athena laughed, “Pinkie, the cereal you eat is pretty much all natural.” She pointed a hoof at the bag reading “Cherry Bombs’ in Concordiat standard, “That is processed to within an inch of it’s life and beyond. It’s not healthy.”
“What’s it called?”
“Cherry Bombs.”
“That sounds delicious! Cherries are always good!” She was eyeing the bag harder now.
She wasn’t listening, “Pinky, if there was a real cherry anywhere near that stuff, it ran far away.”
Athena sat there ignored as Pinkie busily dug through the bags, holding up a few more, “What’s this?”
“Apple Rings.” Apples...right.. Athena laughed inside, not an apple to be found. Applejack would be horrified.
“This?”
Athena sighed, “Bol-O’s...someone tried to capitalize on Bolos, making a cereal. Sad really.”
She was right. Concordiat Command wasn’t very pleased, and after a visit by some very unhappy high ranking officers the plant quit making them. Although how a few hundreds of kilograms got into the supplies she’d never know. Plus they tasted awful, even humans hated them.
A bag containing mixed flakes of chocolate and neon colored ones was shaken in front of her, “What’s this?”
“Fruity Choco-Bits.” Athena decided not to stick her tongue out, as she had actually tried some and about spit them across the room. How did humans even stand that stuff?
“Wow! Fruit AND Chocolate! They must be awesome!” The pink legs hugged the big bag tight.
“Pinkie, we’re getting rid of all of that. Rendering it down to make other, better food. You can’t have any.”
“Oh come on! Just one! Pleeeeeease?”
Athena turned to see Pinkie doing her best Sweetie Belle impression, making the Pegasus roll her eyes..
“I said no. Seriously, that stuff is bad for you. Humans ate it all the time just for the taste. It contains no vitamins or anything that helps a body. It’s got things in it with names so long it boggles the mind. Plus it has enough sugar to stun even you.”
The mare wasn’t paying attention, digging through more boxes as Athena waited patiently. I am glad we’re getting rid of this stuff, it’s just awful really. After having so much fresh food on hand, it pales in comparison.
Even the cereals ponies ate were barely processed, and then only to grind the grains to make shapes, leaving the taste and flavor intact. Frosting was added sometimes, but no chemicals or artificial flavorings, just all natural goodness.
She watched Pinkie bury herself in multi-colored bags of cereal, pawing through them and exclaiming each time a new one popped up. Over one hundred different kinds were in colony supplies and we’re getting rid of all of them. Good riddance.
A major squeal this time as Pinkie’s head popped up holding a huge sack of brightly colored forms, “Lookit this!” She pointed a hoof, “It’s got diamonds and clovers, and stars and all kinds of other cool things! What is it?” It figures the bright colors and shapes would attract her.
“It says Marshmallow Charms Pinkie.”
“Marshmallows are awesome!”
“Pinkie, they’re not real marshmallows. They’re bad for you.”
“Oh come on, they look so cool how can they be bad?”
“Pinkie, just the chemicals alone would cause stars know how much havoc on your bodies, not to mention artificial coloring.”
“Oh puhleeeeeeze? Can I have just one bag? PLEEEEEEZE?”
“I don’t think so Pinkie, trust me, you’re better off.”
Her blue eyes took in the absolute mountains of bags containing brightly colored shapes and sugary goodness. She could just taste them! Maybe...maaaaaybe just a teeny bag? She slipped a two liter sized plastic container in her mane, sure Athena was just being overly concerned.
“Come on Pinkie, we’ll get those apples you put in storage. Sure you need all those?”
“Yep! Apple pie cupcakes! They’re gonna be awesome!”
“Sounds great.” Athena smiled, “Sorry ‘bout the cereal. But trust me, it’s just something you don’t want.”
“That’s okay!” Athena was sooooo serious about things! Pinkie grinned, a little cereal never hurt anypony!
-----
Oh, what a great day! Pinkie was relaxing on her bed, looking at the ceiling. All baked things baked and more to make for baking tomorrow!
Even she sometimes didn’t quite understand what went through her head, but as long as she got a giggle it was fine.
I’m starving! Maybe I can go..wait a second! She reached into her mane, pulling out a sealed bag of cereal she’d ‘borrowed’ from Athena’s bay. Maybe this stuff will do for now until I get a real dinner!
Tumbling down the steps in a flurry of giggles she grabbed a bowl filling it with half the bag of sugary processed cereal, pouring fresh, ice cold milk over it.
Oh, this is gonna be good!
Taking up a spoon in her hoof Pinkie gouged out a huge mound of sparkling colorful marshmallows and crispy flakes, shoveling it into her mouth. She chewed mightily for a second as her eyes slowly opened wide.
The cereal had gone off like a bomb in her mouth. So many flavors, so many textures that she’d never even thought of much less tasted! This was like nothing, nothing! She’d ever tasted before! Making her own cakes and baked goods look like amateurish attempts at doing this!
How could anything that tasted this good be so bad?
She plowed right through the next spoonful, and the next, without a thought in the world but getting more!
Athena had been right, but not quite in the way she’d thought. Some of the processed foods that the Concordiat made and shipped by the mega-ton were not very good. They fed worlds, but a lot of it lacked the nutrition that humans so desperately needed. Even though they knew stuff was bad for them, they continued to eat it, taste being everything.
It was an old story, bad for you but eaten cause it was cheap or tasty. Athena and Crusader definitely wanted to avoid that here, going with as little processing as possible and learning how ponies did things.
Athena had been correct on one point, the cereal was not very good for ponies, it lacked anything they needed.
However...
The chemicals, artifical flavorings and colors were nothing like Equestria had ever seen or had experience with. Especially the magically infused bodies of ponies.
Those items, some with names even Bolos feared to pronounce, went immediately to work inside Pinkie’s body. They interacted with the natural magic that was in her. Strong and tireless some days as an Earth pony, it gave her stamina and strength needed to do things.
Because of the power she had, it created an even worse problem.
The cereal became highly addictive. The more Pinkie ate, the more she was going to want.
Her body was setting her up for an enormous crash. Though her natural magic was staving it off for now, the cravings would be sneaking right up, allowing her to enjoy the bowl full of artificial marshmallow shapes and chocolate flavored flakes.
The other artificial ingredients had some odd side-effects as well. Pinkie’s natural coloring was slowly being replaced with a rainbow of sparkling colors. It moved from her tail along her flank and then up her body, each band bright and neon colored. It only lasted a minute or so, but was a telltale of the problem.
The addiction, on the other hoof, would be around long after. Too much and it would be even harder to get rid of.
The Earth Pony didn’t know as she licked the bowl clean. That was the best tasting cereal she EVER had!
As she wiped her lips, the colors crept over her coat, shining bright in the afternoon sun. Her mind turned to figuring out a way to get more of this stuff!
-----
Athena was sure the inventory count was off, down to the last gram she had accounted for everything. Making sure this ..food..got disposed of she’d been very careful on how it was handled. Here in Equestria it could properly be labeled hazardous waste.
She went through it one more time, realizing a bag of at least a two liter size was missing.
“Crusader?”
“Yes?”
“Did you take any of this cereal for anything?”
“No. Is there a problem?”
“I’m missing at least a two liter size container, I was sure I inventoried everything correctly.”
“Perhaps something was lost in the shuffle? You are getting ready for the trip to the Empire and Twilight will be gone for a few days. I know that worries you.”
Twilight had been summoned to help with a big meeting of Equestrian cities and towns. She had told Athena because of how busy she’d be there’d be no time at all to spend together sight-seeing or anything. So Athena had acquiesced and stayed in Ponyville to prepare for the trip.
Athena was not happy being left behind, but there were a few things to do like getting rid of dead weight. There was always something to pull maintenance on.
“Perhaps. Though Pinkie was in here earlier with me. Could she have...? Nah, she wouldn’t do that.”
“One never knows with Pinkie, Athena.
“Hope she didn’t. That stuff is just awful.”
“True. The breakdown of them will make for better rations to store in the underground.”
“Can’t wait to show them, everything good on it?”
“Definitely. A few minor problems, but it will be complete soon.”
“Awesome!”
“Until then no worries. We shall check with Pinkie later.”
“Okay! I’ll get right back on the rendering then!”
-----
Pinkie was having an awesome time bouncing through town. The chemicals in the cereal having a wonderful time with the body and metabolism of a pony.
Ponies watched as the effervescent mare pronked on by. She had the biggest grin on her face, saying hello to ponies who could only stop and stare at a Pinkie that was even more Pinkie than they’d ever seen.
She was feeling great! Better than ever! Like she could take on Tirek all by herself! Her body was just pumping the energy right now! Her mane and tail poofed out like nothing before as she headed out towards the hills. She’d figured a way to get some more of that wonderfully delicious cereal! Athena never minded when ponies visited, just looking around in the bays, so easy peasy!
The colors went away quickly, though not before surprising her when she’d looked into the mirror. Pinkie had bounced around her room enjoying the bright bands of color that crawled across her body. Though it faded, she’d thought it was the neatest thing in the world!
Now she had the oddest cravings for the breakfast food. Usually she was pretty good about stuff like that, but now she really wanted more!
Off towards the hills she went, looking for the opening to Athena’s bays where that mountain of food was.
-----
“Pinkie’s looking mighty..uh..herself today.” Applejack was walking alongside Rainbow Dash, both of them eyeing their friend as she bounced on by. They were cheerfully waved at then ignored.
The cyan Pegasus nodded, “Yeah.” Her eyes narrowed a little suspiciously, “Wonder what’s going on?”
“Ah’m not sure, think we oughta follow her?” Applejack had stopped in the street, looking at a rapidly receding pink form.
“I dunno. I mean if it’s Pinkie it might be something awfully weird.”
They both looked at each other, saying at the same time, “Let’s follow her.”
-----
Athena gleefully looked at the data, this other little project was going to be wonderful when it was done. She was sitting in the Command Deck, on a comfy pillow that gave her a perfect angle. Watching the screen instead of the datastream, she smiled. On it was the live feed of a single little plant, something that made her go warm inside knowing it was so very special.
But her attention was not on the bays. Automatics were taking over there and it was nothing that she needed to micromanage. Same with the security cameras that notified her ponies were around, but she needn’t do anything as long as they didn’t try to get into anyplace that could affect secure operations.
That also meant a pile of food to be recycled wasn’t a security priority as Pinkie bounced her way in. She stopped and paused the energetic movements as her eyes scanned the piles and crates of bags.
Such a hard choice, but she knew what she was looking for! Scrambling along the metal floor she rammed right into a pile, grabbing a few large bags in one fore leg and bugging out quickly. Or would have had not two figures stopped her progress, standing in the doorway and looking at her suspiciously.
“Hold it missy, doncha be thinkin’ bout takin’ somethin’ ain’t yours.” Applejacks’ face was looking serious.
“Yeah.” Rainbow nodded, “What’s with you taking stuff anyways, you never do that.” She was looking concerned, Pinkie stealing? That was definitely wrong.
Pinkie was caught red-hooved, thinking quickly for a moment she told them the truth. “Athena’s just getting rid of all this. Soooo...I tried some and it tastes great! I figured I’d just sneak in and get a bit more.” She grinned nervously at the other two mares.
Applejack looked totally confused, wasting good food was not on her big list of anything at all to do. Food was precious to all Earth Ponies, making sure everypony got fed was a full time job. Her eyes took in the literal mountain of containers.
“Throwin’ it out? All this?” She waved a hoof around to the mounds of bags, not even comprehending the waste.
“Yep!” Pinkie was nodding, making her mane bob up and down,
“What is it?” Rainbow was eyeing the bags in Pinkie’s hooves, having one thrust at her.
“Cereal!”
“Cereal?” The cyan mare was looking dubious.
“Oh yeah, cereal. Like nothing you’ve ev-er tasted!” She plunged a hoof in one bag, shoving a few Cherry Bombs into Rainbow’s mouth.
The Pegasus’ eyes widened, chewing for just a second. Her metabolism worked faster than Pinkie’s, making the reactions that much quicker. Her coat shimmered in colors that matched her mane and tail, flowing over her body as Applejack watched in pure surprise. It faded fast though, all that remained was the exquisite taste of sugary tartness in her mouth tasting like no cherry she ever ate.
“Oh...my...goodness!” She grabbed the bag from Pinkie and shoveled another hoof-full into her mouth, “Appafack! Yu gota tie tis!” She was trying to talk around a muzzle full of cereal as the farm pony watched.
“I dunno Rainbow, them colors were mighty weird.”
Pinkie giggled, “They only last a minute and they’re kinda cool!” She leaned over towards the orange pony, “They got apple flavored ones!” She pointed to another bag in her fore legs, one Athena had pointed out earlier.
“Apple? Really?” Now that got Applejacks’ attention, “Lemme see that.”
Pinkie threw her a large bag containing Apple Rings. If the cereal inside had seen a real apple, it was a picture in a book a million years ago. Nothing about them was anywhere near natural.
The farmer took a dubious look inside the bag, opening it as she watched Rainbow cramming a few more Cherry Bombs in her mouth. Applejack herself often wondered sometimes why there wasn’t much variety in cereal with the amount of food Equestria produced. Oh there were wheat and grain based, a few with a little sugar on them, but nothing like this.
She tentatively put a few rings in her mouth, crunching on them for a moment as her eyes widened along with Pinkie’s and Rainbow’s. It tasted like apples, but more than that it was better than apples right off the tree!
She looked at the bag of cereal, her mind reeling with something that had never occurred, something that actually tasted better than natural apples!
Colors shimmered up and down her mane and tail, through her coat as she stood there, munching on a few more, then more... She found she really liked these things!
“Say...these are pretty good.”
Rainbow was nodding enthusiastically, “Aren’t they?” She looked around, “Think they’d miss a few more bags?”
“I dunno Rainbow. I mean they were gettin’ rid of ‘em.” She looked at Pinkie, “Did they say why?”
Pinkie swallowed a mouthful of food, “Athena was saying they ‘might’ be bad for us.” She punctuated that with air quotes using her hooves, “But nothings happened so far, I mean they taste awesome!” The pink mare grinned, “I think they’re great!”
Applejack found herself reaching in the bag without a thought, it niggled at her mind for a moment before she was crunching happily on a few more bits of cereal, “Well..maybe we oughta ask ‘em?”
“They’re getting rid of all this Applejack, I bet they wouldn’t mind at all. I mean they’re just throwing it out.” Rainbow was eye-balling a large bag of bright marshmallows. They were actually almost a duplicate of her mane and tail.
“They don’t taste tooooo bad do they?” Pinkie was leaning next to Applejack, making her rear back from the face of the grinning mare.
“No. No, they don’t. They ain’t really that bad.” She was surprised with herself for saying that, but it was honest. “Truth be told, they’re pretty darn good.” She didn’t quite know if it was stealing, but she just absolutely down to the core could not see why good food ought to go to waste.
Rainbow was already grabbing a few large containers, Pinkie joining her and returning with their hooves full.
“Ah don’t think we oughta take anything without askin’ first though.”
“Oh come on Applejack! Pinkie said they’re tossing it out, it can’t hurt!” Rainbow was hovering, holding the newly retrieved bags tight, “Don’t worry about it, you know they’re our friends.”
A bag was shoved in Applejack’s face, “Check this out! They even got my colors right!” The bag was full of multi-colored rainbow shaped ‘marshmallows’ along with lightning bolts and clouds. A coincidence spanning eons.
“You keep grabbing more too, so that’s a yes?” Applejack looked at her hoof in surprise, already dipping in for a few as she had been during the whole conversation.
“I’m good with this!” Rainbow flew out of the bay with a wave, “I gotta get home and try these!” Pinkie followed in a blur of color, heading out of the bay as well, leaving Applejack to stare after them.
Tilting her hat back on her head she trotted out of the bay. Perhaps Crusader would have some idea. She hefted the bag onto her back and made her way home.
-----
“So they took some and scampered off with grins.” Applejack was sitting on the porch talking to a quiet Crusader, “I tried some as well, to be honest, they weren’t too bad.”
He pondered for a moment, thinking of possible consequences and what chemical reactions could possibly do, coming up with nothing. Scientific things must have a basis to go on, and with the processed food and ponies he had no baseline of established fact to go on.
“I am not sure of the coloring problem, but if it went away perhaps it is a minor thing. We were getting rid of it because it was not very healthy.”
The farm mare thought about it and nodded, “But they sure tasted good.”
“They do, they were enhanced for flavor and will be better tasting than the natural items. That was a selling point for them. I will notify Athena about the pilfering.” He gave a small smile to a relieved Applejack.
“That’d be good. Least it wasn’t stealing, I felt kinda bad bringing that bag home.”
“No worry, waste is never a good thing. But some items this world could do without I believe.”
“I understand that, I’m sure half the stuff you got inside ya wouldn’t be very good a’tall.” She laughed, giving him a nudge.
He nodded in that way that told her he was amused, giving her a warm look, “Not a lot of ponies can say they are eating a food produced so far back in the past it would be fossilized right now.”
Applejack laughed out loud, “Gotta admit, pretty good for bein’ so old.”
“Enjoy then Applejack. If you would like to try more, we have plenty. It will be another week until we have destroyed the rest.”
She leaned against the solid form, “Ah dunno, might start liking them over real apples.”
“Shocked. Shocked I am to hear such things.”
Applejack’s laugh echoed over the orchard, Crusader never failed to amuse her.
-----
Rainbow Dash sat down at the table in her cloudominium, a big bowl of ‘Rainbow Snaps’ as they were called in front of her. She poured fresh chilled milk over it, watching the colors seep into the liquid and coloring it as well.
“That is SO cool!” Her eyes took in the natural looking flakes alongside the brightly colored lightning bolts, clouds and rainbows that made up a good portion of the cereal. She could hear a popping sound from the flakes, releasing it into the milk as they crackled.
She’d taken her time once she got back home. Clearing up chores and anything else needing to be done before settling down to try these. Applejack always told her that anticipation is always best, get things done first then enjoy a treat.
She was right, this was going to be the best bowl of cereal EVER!
Gripping a spoon in her hoof, she hadn’t quite decided whether to just throw caution to the wind and stick her muzzle in it or be polite and use a spoon.
She was still sitting there a minute later, trying to decide when her tummy rumbled out loud, reminding her it needed food..now!
Tossing the spoon aside with a shrug, she dove into the bowl, splashing milk along her face as she gulped up a big mouthful of food. Lifting her head, the milk dripped off her muzzle onto the table as she sat there chewing, eyes closed in pure bliss when the flavors exploded across her tongue.
It...it’s....like tasting awesome!
Most of the bag quickly disappeared into the ravenous Pegasus.
Licking her lips minutes later, the cravings satisfied for now, she resolved to get more of this stuff!
-----
Pinkie, always the creative one, had taken the big bags of cereal and made new items for the bakery out of them. Chewing on a few here and there while cooking, she added little red balls of Cherry Bombs to top frosted cupcakes, some fruit flavored flakes sprinkled liberally onto pies to add to the taste. Which by the way enhanced the flavor, making them even more delicious in her mind and the customers.
Treats were selling like hotcakes. Sundaes with brightly colored marshmallows were especially popular with the fillies and colts. Bits flowed like water as ponies just couldn’t get enough of the new stuff Pinkie was putting out.
Though there were questions asked about the weirdly colored bands running up and down everypony for a moment, it was quickly dismissed as some ‘advertising thing’, a spell to make folks interested in what Sugar Cube Corner was selling. It happened quickly, and only once, as the chemicals got established in ponies bodies.
Though the amounts were small, the chemicals were in trace amounts, it would take a while to build up an addiction like Pinkie had already done and Rainbow was well on her way to having.
The line was out the door as word spread of Pinkie’s new creations, garnering interest from miles around as ponies flocked to see what the commotion was about.
Pinkie had grabbed quite a few varieties of cereal. Now adding them to the normal rounds of goodies was spreading the cheer and possibly the addiction.
Banana splits topped with a liberal helping of chocolate bits and marshmallows were selling out, Mr. Cake was worried about getting more supplies. He and his wife were almost out of breath, rushing around serving ponies by the twos and threes, keeping up with making more goods to sell. It was exhausting.
Pinkie, however, was a bundle of energy and smiles. She’d been eating more of the cereal, ‘taste testing’ it for the new items as she went along, the chemicals providing her with the stamina needed.
Crusader watched this with interested eyes. He was concerned at the strange reaction with the colors, but could find no information in anything he had in data storage. He watched as ponies shrugged it off, blithely ignoring it as a simple spell while buying more of the items Pinkie and the Cakes were making.
A quiet voice caught his ear as he sat there.
“Looks like whatever Pinkie’s doing is a hit.” Crusader turned to see Athena settling in beside him, her eyes locked on to the front of the bakery.
“How much did they take?”
“All told after scanning, about fifty kilos of cereal.” She glanced at him, “Should we be concerned?”
“I do not know Athena. This is something totally without precedence. We have no clue what the ingredients will do. Medical scans from the bracelets are showing nothing, but then they do not give a deep look at cell interaction.”
“Rainbow has already asked for more, I gave her another bag. What would you like me to do?”
They spoke out loud more and more these days, slowing themselves to an easy pace. TSDS was fine, but sometimes normal conversation was wanted.
“Up the recycling. Process and render it down quickly. If there is no more perhaps interest will wane.”
“Even with increasing capacity on the nanovats, it’s going to take a few days.”
“That is fine. As long as we get rid of it.” he turned to look at the sable Pegasus, “We need to get you out of here and to the Crystal Empire. We must know.”
She nods, keeping a careful watch on the ponies gathering in the open area in front of the store, “Yeah, we do.” She processed for a second, “You still having problems with your drive trains?”
“Yes. Not enough metals from the eastern mines yet.”
Athena tilted her head with a frustrated look, “If you hadn’t made all those parts for me..” She was stopped as he returned her glare with an amused look.
“You wanted to go to the Empire badly, so concentrating on your repairs was priority. Do not argue the point, we both know you are excited about it.”
She sighed, being caught out and rubbing one fore hoof along another, “Yeah..you’re right. I really want to see it.”
“Then we will finish minor things.” he pointed, “But this, we need to keep an eye on.”
Athena was about to reply when they both heard a voice, making them turn.
“Have you guys tried this? It’s great!”
They saw Twilight standing behind them with an ice cream cone lifted in her magic grip, sprinkled with brightly colored marshmallows and enjoying herself immensely.
-----
Crusader monitored the medical readings from the commsets, peeking into things he normally didn’t. The color changes were suspicious, but nothing odd was showing up on anything he could access.
He stared out at the stars from the wooden porch, wondering if technology was truly the answer to anything. For all our successes it has brought a few problems. The medpaks were becoming ubiquitous, production was ramping up to maximum as hospitals and medical ponies were requesting a supply for emergencies or for normal use.
There was only so much he and Athena could do, though the medical packages were very simple, they took programming time and materials. Right now they were restricted for the ponies of Equestria. The amount of scanning and medical knowledge was tremendous to create even these simple things. Should the requests come in from other lands, they would have to be refused. Unless a nanovat processing facility could be set up and staffed, they were coming to peak manufacturing capability.
One problem was the waste that came with such a facility. Currently any byproducts were used in the fusion furnaces, effectively getting rid of them to power the two Bolos. Should a plant be set up, it would only lead to more technology needed to get rid of or process the wastes.
This created an endless cycle of more tech needed to build more tech.
He stared at the pinpoints of light for a moment more, lowering his gaze to the wooded hills. Perhaps there can be a solution later on. We will just do the best we can without creating more problems.
A form settled beside him with a sigh, making him turn to see Applejack.
“Is something wrong my Applejack?”
“Ah dunno, got the strangest craving for somethin’ to eat, just can’t figure out what it is.”
“Perhaps you might want something other than apples?” This was delivered with a small smile from the umber face as Applejack looked at him.
She raised one eyebrow and a hoof, “I’ll have you know them’s fightin’ words.” Tapping him on the nose and laughing, “Ah dunno, just odd.” She shrugged, leaning up against him.
“Whatcha got planned in the morning?” Referring to a training session he had glossed over, saying he could not spend time at the farm during the day.
“Training two Princesses to be combat capable.”
Her eyes opened wider, staring at him, “You pulling..no..no yer not. Why would they want that?”
“They are taking advantage of our knowledge, learning from us what we have to teach on combat and the skills needed. I find it quite an honor to be asked.”
The orange mare laughed, “Doncha go bein’ too rough on ‘em ya hear me?” Remembering the battle board session quite clearly from the past, “They are Princesses after all.”
“Yes, Applejack.”
----------
Morning comes with a silent splash, the golden light from Celestia’s Sun finds me waiting on the outside of an extra cargo bay. It has been cleared and rearranged with manufactured equipment to train two Princesses.
Tech-spiders worked diligently through the night alongside the fabricating machinery, this is as close as I can get to a specific Concordiat Training facility. It is actually not a bad likeness.
I ponder the still machine beside me, it is quiet and waiting as is in its programming and directions. Should they suddenly develop an urge to do something other than their jobs, we would be at a severe loss.
But this one, a combination of Heavy Lift/Defense is solid. The lenses covering the head zero in on anything near it, the multi-faceted eyes taking in everything to do its job properly. They were some of the highest level engineering that the Human race achieved, wonders on legs.
I feel a tinge of sadness, withdrawing into myself slightly as I think upon those lost beings. I miss them. With every fiber of my being I do. They were altogether strange and wondrous at the same time. Creating things such as myself, but then committing such acts as to shock us.
What a diversity and plethora of races, moods and desires. What I would not give just for once more to talk to one, have footsteps trod my Command Deck and giving orders as I go into battle again.
Perhaps I am just old and suffering from AI senescence, wanting things I know within myself I cannot have any longer.
But the universe is an odd place now. We never know what may come next.
I tap into the communications bands, hearing laughter and giggles from Athena’s Command Deck.
I can not help but feel comforted, seeing her with a pack of tumbling and happy foals and fillies. She has been inviting them to her war hull to show them cartoons from the past. Of course such shows would not be correct without plenty of snacks and popcorn and things to drink.
Everything we do, that we show or make note of, has been edited. Making sure the languages are changed, the relevance is understood. Cartoons however, are not a problem. It appears children of any race enjoy the bright colors and action.
Currently they are cheering for an animated character know as the Warrior Unicorn Princess. A show from the late 21st century.
I am not quite sure if that is the best example to show them, as it was filled with quite a lot of violence for a ‘childrens’ show. Currently, the Warrior Unicorn Princess and her compatriot band of fighters and magic users, also Unicorns, are slaughtering the group of villains known as “Friendship Stealers.”
I think Celestia would be horrified. No..she’d probably enjoy it knowing her. Luna definitely would.
Sensors catch two forms closing in on my hull as Anti-Air perks up, standing down once IFF is cleared. The Princesses have arrived.
“I told you I would beat you!” Celestia’s voice is light and cheerful.
“Only because you leapt off the balcony first! ‘Twas cheating sister!” Luna’s is the same, though admonishing.
I watch them slam into heavy landings, their bodies taking the shocks easier now as they laugh, nudging each other in good spirits.
“I ‘might’ have been a little impatient, true.”
“A little? Try prancing around all day wondering when we’d leave.” Luna pushes a hoof against the taller mares shoulder, “Thou’rt acting like a filly these days.”
Celestia stops in her tracks, “And you’re not? Rampaging through the kitchen looking for coffee at all hours. Scaring the guards while sneaking up on them? Who’s the filly?”
An unclad white hoof is pointed steadily, “And let’s not forget telling everypony you are to be addressed as Luna, Warrior Princess, Defender of the Realm and Scourge of the Night! Where did you even get that?”
I think I know.
“But ‘tis true! I am the Scourge of the Night, I fight those things which dwell in the shadows of the mind!”
“You are not a scourge sister, you are a Princess. We can talk about this later.”
“Oh, yes we will!” The darker mare laughed as they approached, “I have already set the seal makers to making my new official mark.”
Hoof met face as Celestia sighed, unable to make any headway against the exuberant mare, “Only you Luna.”
“We shall have to come up with something appropriate for Cadance, surely she cannot remain just the Princess of Love. We need to find a royal title that befits her.”
“You leave poor Cadance alone, stars only know what you’d come up with.”
A sigh then laughter, “And once again, thou’rt no fun.”
They catch sight of me, happy waves from both of them before they reach me with smiles.
“Good morn Crusader, how fares thee this day?” Luna’s use of old style Equestrian was always smooth and very cultured.
“As always it is good, thank you. Yourself?”
The dark sister nodded politely, “We are ready for ‘training’.”
“Good.” Crusader got to his hooves, leading them into the large bay. They took in the low lighting, the quiet and calm of the inside. There was a whirring sound of air circulation that puzzled them, not knowing about air conditioners. Those were soon gone, turned off as part of what they were to do. It quickly became stifling.
The bay echoed with Crusaders’ soft steps, stopping them at a table near the door, upon which odd clothing of unfamiliar design and color sat upon two ponyquins that were the dimensions of the two sisters.
“What are these for?” Celestia gestured slightly, “Part of the training?
The umber Earth Pony nodded, “Yes. These,” He stepped towards the clothed ‘quins, “Are what is called Standard Ballistic/Kinetic Weave Body Armor.”
At the curious looks he explained. “Armor for the Concordiat was very lightweight, and of sufficient strength to take hits on the battlefield that would not let the person wearing them be injured. Kinetic, means that if you are hit wearing it, it becomes stiff, spreading the impact so it will not affect you as much.” He punctuated that with a solid slamming of a hoof on the fabric, which immediately clanged as if made of metal.
Both mares looked highly interested now, stepping forward and prodding the outfit, which responded as normal fabric.
“Hit it.”
Celestia reared back, slamming a hoof into the side of the ‘quin. Her body was jarred by the impact which felt as if she’d hit a wall, making her stumble backwards. Shaking her head, she came forward once more, poking the now soft fabric.
Her voice was full of wonder, “Amazing.”
Luna looked on until encouraged by Celestia, receiving the same jarring response and the same wondering eyes in return.
“That...is truly magical.”
“Technology Your Highness. The fabric is a nanite-infested weave which monitors the wearer for impacts and adjusts accordingly.”
“And these are for..us?”
Crusader nodded, “Yes.” Tech spiders came silently from the shadows, pulling the clothing off the ponyquins and onto the real ponies. Taking gentle care to adjust the strapping, they were an exact fit, the mechanical arms very precise as the two Royals stood very still. Crusader mused to himself how they were not quite that comfortable with the big mechanicals, though he could understand why.
He watched as each face was covered with wrap-around eyeglasses, made for the larger eyes and ears accordingly. They looked quite good with the mirrored lenses.
Once done the mechanicals scuttled back into the bay, returning to their places.
“Why would we need these Crusader?”
He looked slightly surprised they would ask, “To prevent you from being injured.”
-----
The stomach growls were getting worse as Pinkie tried to concentrate on baking. The stoves were hot, bowls lined up, pans filled with mix. All was ready for the final movement of this symphony, but Pinkie just couldn’t think.
The cravings were bad. She reached over into a bag, grabbing a hoof-full of cereal and chewing on it. Immediately she felt better, the grumbling dying down and energy returning. She didn’t think much about it, never having dealt with true addiction before, putting it off towards not eating all morning.
Customers as well, were lining up already, brought to the front door by their own particular cravings which seemed to be directed towards Sugar Cube Corner and it’s newest creations.
Pinkie scowled slightly when she realized the mouth full of cereal was the last of the final bag. She had to go ask for some more, hoping Athena would let her do so before it was all gone.
Rainbow had just flown in, waiting around impatiently as her own supply was depleted, hoping to get some from Pinkie. She got tired, and bored, waiting for Pinkie to show. She slipped through the ponies waiting and into the back room where she saw the pink mare digging through an empty bag.
“Pinkie!”
The startled pony looked up, “Heya Dashie!”
“Hey, do you have any cereal? I ran out and haven’t had anything to eat this morning.” She hopped around on nervous hooves, tail lashing as she peered into anything that might hold a few bites. She didn’t think it was strange, craving one thing when so many other options were available. The addiction taking first place in any thoughts.
“I just ran out Dashie, I’m sorry! I gotta ask Athena for some more.”
“Oh cherry pits!” Rainbow clutched her stomach which was grumbling to itself, “How long’s that gonna take?”
“I dunno, but we got a lot of customers wanting treats with cereal included.” She points to the crowd waiting patiently in the serving area. Though some ponies were getting a bit miffed at the delay. “I just need to find a few minutes to...”
“I’m on it!” Dash sprung up, heading out an open window, “I’ll be back!” She slammed into the sky, on her way before Pinkie could say what she wanted to.
Raising a hoof, Pinkie rolled her eyes, “You coulda just called.” Waving the bracelet that adorned hers and Dash’s legs.
Pinkie went out to console the waiting ponies, letting them know that their orders would be coming out as soon as some supplies arrived. Her blue eyes watched nervously out the window, hoping Dashie returned soon.
-----
“What do we do again?” Luna was eyeing the bay which was now lit up, the overheads showing a complicated course, there were obstacles and fake plant growth surrounding a trail that led in a winding course through the bay.
Crusader pointed to a lit circle in the distance, “Make it to that circle.”
The two Princesses looked at each other, then back to the course warily.
“What’s the catch?” Celestia was tapping a hoof on the metal floor.
“I will try and stop you.” He was sitting like a stone, just talking to them right now before beginning the training. “This is a replica of one of the Concordiat Augment Soldiers obstacle courses. Theirs was live fire of course, any injuries sustained were very real and very painful.” He gestured with a slight movement, “In your case we are using non-lethals. They will bruise and knock you down, but no permanent injuries.”
“Did they do this often?” Luna’s voice sounded slightly nervous.
“Oh yes. This is the beginner course.”
“Beginner?” Both voices were shocked.
“Yes. This was the very first course they faced after becoming Augments. They got progressively worse after this.”
“How...how much worse?”
“Casualty rates were approximately fifteen percent on advanced courses.”
Both Princesses looked shocked, thinking of such a brutal way to train soldiers.
“Do not look so surprised, such was life in the Concordiat Forces. It was a galaxy at odds with many races competing.”
They both nodded, Luna stepping forward and twisting her neck slightly, “Then I am ready!” One hoof stamped the floor, a look of determination on her face.
“When the light goes green, make your way through the course and step into the circle at the end. Only then will the training end for the moment.”
The dark mare nodded, “Understood.”
A light right beside them turned green. At that moment Luna popped her wings, speeding off the floor and into the air, heading for the lit circle at the end of the course. The stuttering sound of a small caliber weapon came to their ears as it pummeled her in mid-air, knocking her for a loop, causing her to crash into a pile of crates that were set to catch falling bodies.
“Wha...what was that?” She stumbled to her hooves, shaking her head and checking her wings.
“That was a failure Princess. Do not think wings, nor magic, will allow a better chance of completing the course. I have compensated for both.”
Luna walked back to join Celestia, a twinge of pain showing where small bruises would be forming. Even though caught by the Kinetic Weave, the pure brute force of even the smallest caliber weapons Crusader had would let you know you’d been hit.
Luna bowed with a slight smile, pointing a hoof towards the training area, “And of course, your turn sister.” She chuckled at Celestia’s worried look.
A deep breath and a step forward, the larger mare nodded, “Then I shall try my best.” She gave a signal to Crusader and waited.
The light turned green and Celestia was off, hooves pounding hard on the floor of the bay as she kept her wings tight against her sides, learning from Luna’s failure. The look on her face was fierce as she dodged over a ‘log’, leaping into the air...
To be caught by the ripping sound of weapons fire, the non-lethal bullets slamming into her chest and knocking her mane over tail into a tree.
The look on her face as she lay upside down against the tree made Luna laugh out loud, “‘Twas well done sister!”
The alabaster mare untangled herself, slapping her wings in frustration as she joined Luna once more.
“Well, it seems we have something to learn.” She looked at a quiet Crusader, “How far did I get?”
“Approximately four of your body lengths into the course.”
“That’s IT?”
“That is it.”
Luna laughed, nudging her sister, “It appears we have some work ahead.”
-----
“Atheeeeeeeeeeeeeena!” Dash was yelling through the open bays, looking for the other Pegasus, “ATHENA!”
“What Dash? Good grief stop yelling!” Athena appeared in the doorway, looking slightly disgruntled.
“Oh..heh. Sorry.” Dash landed from her hover, “Hey, Pinkie needs more of that cereal, her treats with it are selling really well and she ran out!”
The sable Pegasus thought for a moment. Crusader was busy with training, and nothing had popped up on the radar so far concerning any adverse reactions with the processed food.
“There isn’t much left, we’ve been getting rid of it, but you’re welcome to what we have.” She turned and led Dash into the bay, the previous piles of food noticeably depleted as Athena and Crusader had been running overtime in rendering it down.
“Awesome! I can take any of this?” Rainbow’s eyes filled with unabashed greed.
Athena eyed the cyan Pegasus for a moment, “I guess so, if you really..” She didn’t get to finish before Rainbow sped through the bay, grabbing as much as she could hold and tearing out into the daytime sun.
“Well, I guess you found what you wanted..” She turned and went back to finish watching the latest installment of Warrior Unicorn Princess with the little ones. Yeah, she was awesome for a cartoon. Wonder if they knew about all this way back in the past? Kinda odd coincidence that.
Oh well. She looked out into the sky one last time, seeing the fading rainbow trail of Dash’s flight and shrugging. I don’t think anyone could have ever imagined this place.
Her hooves pounded the passageway, hoping they hadn’t got to the best part yet!
-----
“Once more Your Highnesses.” The calm voice was always even, never chiding nor admonishing.
Celestia turned in place, a glass of cold water held with her magic as she drank deeply. The armor covering her was soaked with sweat, making it heavier, lungs inhaling air like they were starving. Luna was much the same, lying on the cool deck looking like she would fall over completely.
The tall mare set the glass down gently before eyeing Crusader, “Again? we’ve been through this for two hours now. I’m afraid we cannot make the circle.” She gave a wan smile, wiping perspiration from her face.
“You are not pushing yourselves. You have the ability, the strength, but are loathe to use it.”
“And you know this how?” Luna’s voice carried from her resting place.
“Because I am watching you, reading the medical data through your bands. You are deliberately holding yourselves back.”
The two sisters glanced at each other before replying.
“It has been long since we fully used what we have, but then it was a time of troubles for Equestria.” Celestia’s voice was low and careful, “Perhaps we have grown gentler since then.”
“When one lives in a time of peace, it is easy to become peaceful. But you wished to be trained in combat.” He pointed at the obstacle course, “Do your best. Use what you know, what you have, and reach the circle. It is not impossible, just hard.”
Luna got to her hooves, shaking her wings out and pinning them tight, “Then I, for one, will reach that circle!” She reached a hoof out, not as steady as it would have been before, “Come sister, let us do this together.”
Celestia nodded, “I think so.” She gave a smile to Crusader who sat quiescent and stepped on the line with Luna, “When you’re ready.”
The light turned green and two very tired sweat-soaked forms shot off the line. They had kept trying separately and had failed, sometimes spectacularly. This time, however, the full force of their frustration with this ‘simple’ combat course came to the fore.
Up on wings they shot, dodging gunfire from hidden weapons in the foliage. Magic coalesced around their horns, firing beams of light and silencing the rattling weapons they could see before they moved forward through the muggy atmosphere. Turrets in the ceiling dropped, flashes brought the heavier sounds of canister rounds, meant to bring down anything in the air.
Wings slapped at the air, the Alicorns dodging left and right as the turrets actually missed, the rubber rounds pinging off the floor of the bay. Everything was on automatics, Crusader would not have missed. Magic once again speared through the bay, hitting the turrets and blasting them apart. No big loss, they were simple things which could be replaced in hours.
Both the sisters landed now, aware of the danger and speeding through the undergrowth. Hooves slammed hard on the deck, as the large forms wound their way with ever more speed through the obstacles. Leaping over logs, ducking under tree branches, they were hit left and right by snipers in the foliage. Grunts of pain came from closed mouths, but the two royals never wavered as they headed for the lit circle.
They were running flat out, lungs groping for breath, wings tight against sides as normally gentle eyes looked feral in their quest for that one circle at the end of this path.
Leaping and twisting with magic spells fired in defense, shattering undergrowth and turrets. Mechanicals peered out, tossing concussion grenades that lit with light and sound that threw the two ponies off their stride.
Luna stumbled, quickly grabbed by Celestia in her thaumaturgic grip and placed back on her hooves to join the headlong rush. A shot creased Celestia’s visor, making her yelp in fright as she staggered to the side, hitting Luna and forcing them both to tumble into a pile of crates.
The assemblage of containers exploded outward, showering the area with pieces as the two Princesses stood tall, power gathering around them as they shot off down the path once more. Shields formed around them, putting their deep knowledge of magic to work finally, blocking incoming projectiles that ricocheted into the remaining foliage and captures.
Hooves hammered hard onto the matting that covered the bay floor, letting them do tight turns around columns and other things in their way and cutting close enough to rub the feathers on their wings. Leaning hard into a turn, they both rounded the curve in the path to see a large mechanical in front of them, a strange object began to whine as it turned very fast on it, suddenly spitting out thousands of rubber rounds at them.
Celestia rammed into her sister, throwing Luna out of the way as a heavier shield formed in front of her. The faux bullets slammed and splattered against it, leaving faint marks on the outside of the magical wall. The sheer amount of gunfire was forcing her back step by step as she grit her teeth, sweat pouring down heaving sides as she tried mightily to keep the shield intact.
Luna jumped back into the fray, adding her power alongside that of Celestia’s and holding the shield in place until the mechanical stopped and moved out of the way. They both took off down the path once more, heading for that circle of light that seemed so very far away. As if by unspoken agreement they both took to wing, leaping hard into the air and weaving through the close atmosphere hard. Once more canister shot rang out, clipping them both and making them dive for the deck.
They grabbed flooring with their hooves and shot off into the overgrowth, the faux-trees and plants swiping at them as they plowed through the ‘brush’. The lightweight armor now felt as if it weighed hundreds of pounds, their bodies reaching and receiving those last iotas of energy from deep inside.
Another tech-spider stepped into their path, making them both stutter in their steps for just a moment before tearing around to either side of it. Their horns lit, pounding the right and left of the machine with blasts of magic that threw it off its stride, making it take time to recover. By then the two mares were long gone and sliding to a stop inside a glowing circle where a chime sounded and all action ceased.
Both of them collapsed on the spot, the magic use combined with physical exertion had torn out what reserves they had left. The two of them were drenched, the sweat pooling beneath them as bodies hastily gulped what air they could find. Even the normally flowing manes were looking a bit droopy as they turned to look at Crusader on the far side of the course, waving in triumph at him.
His always calm voice came over the headsets installed in the wraparound goggles, “Now you have learned it is better to work as a team than singly. This is one lesson Concordiat soldiers figured out early. You do not go alone.”
The two looked around them, standing up proudly in the lighted circle they grinned and nudged each other, “So what do we do now?”
Both faces fell when another circle lit up beside Crusader, “Make it back.”
-----
Pinkie was exhausted, this whole day was nothing but run run run!
Dashie had come back with bags and bags of cereal, allowing her and the Cakes to finish making all the orders and get them out. Plenty was left for snacking and she’d worked her way through a bag herself while baking like a demon was on her tail.
Rainbow had been right beside her, not so much helping as helping herself to the bags of multi-colored foods. She was now laid out on a table, belly bulging from being stuffed. Rainbow was snoozing as she lay there, lethargic from overeating, her body’s metabolism trying to catch up.
The snoring was loud enough to bother even Pinkie.
“Dash! DASHIE!” She slapped a hoof on one cyan shoulder, “Go sleep at home!”
Bleary eyes opened as Rainbow turned on her side, “Yeah..I’ll...do...th....” The snoring began again as Pinkie finished cleaning up.
She was sweeping the last part of the floor up when a thought hit her. Dashie had told her that most of the cereal was gone now, Athena and Crusader were destroying it quick and there wasn’t much left.
The addiction had taken firm hold of her, as long as she had a little cereal everything was fine. A few hours away from it and the grumbling started, the want, the need.
It didn’t quite register that her thoughts were being directed by the craving for more and more of the food. It was something tasty, and so delicious! All the other ponies in town liked it when she sprinkled cherry flavored ones on ice cream, or chocolate and fruit bits on a sundae! It was a hit and the Cakes were happy about the business too!
No. No she couldn’t let them down.
Blue eyes narrowed as she watched Rainbow sleeping on the table. She’d have to come up with a way to get the rest of that cereal.
-----
Crusader was amused as he watched the two sisters stand quietly, the mechanicals taking the armor off and placing it in containers to be cleaned and stored. Bodies were slumping, but eyes were bright along with the smiles.
Celestia actually rubbed a hoof along her backside, “I did not know a Cutie Mark could hurt so much.” She winced slightly, inciting Luna to laugh loudly.
“Perhaps if it weren’t so..”
Celestia‘s eyes narrowed, “Don’t you dare!”
A look of innocence crossed the dark mare‘s face, “I would never.”
The alabaster mare stared at her grinning sister for a long moment before turning to Crusader, “I do think we’ll be recovering for a while. Shall we do this again?”
“Of course, Your Highness.”
Luna slipped her cladding back on, tapping a shod hoof on the faux Earth Pony’s shoulder, “It was truly a good teaching experience.”
He nodded, “Having discovered you have reserves neither of you expected is always a good first start.”
“I believe so, though I wish it could have been less real.” Luna laughed again, rubbing the side of her neck, “I do admit it makes one move faster.”
Even Crusader smiled slightly at that, “I had noticed an increase in speed after the fifth run through.”
“When one keeps getting hit in...certain...places, it does beg for more effort.” Luna was rubbing a sore spot along her flank, “Though it makes one wonder if you were purposely aiming for such spots.”
“I would never Your Highness.” The amused look never left his face as tech-spiders delivered cold juice and something to eat before they took their leave.
Luna made a joyful noise, lifting a frosted glass of grape juice and taking a long drink, “Oh..now this is a reward!”
Celestia laughed, “We won’t tell Applejack, Crusader.”
The amused look got more noticeable, “My thanks Princess.”
A small table was quickly set up, plates of food and more juice was delivered as the two trainees settled for a full meal. They both made pleasurable sounds over the plates being set out by a very precise tech-spider. Crusader had never stopped learning about cooking, taking what experience he now had and applying it to trying to replicate Old Earth dishes. It turned into a point of pride with him now, seeing the looks on the Princesses faces as the plates were set before them.
“More food from your ‘stores’ Crusader?” Luna was curious.
The umber head shook in the negative, “No, Your Highness. Cooked right now by myself and with what knowledge I’ve obtained. These are replicas of Old Earth dishes, I do hope you enjoy them.”
“What are they?”
They could almost feel the bit of pride Crusader dared show as he pointed each dish out, “The soup is a vegetarian one named Minestrone. The side dish, or appetizer, is called Bruschetta, merely bread with garlic and tomatoes, olive oil and some seasoning. The main course is a linguine with a pesto sauce, something simple after a workout.” He had puzzled out the recipes after researching through the enormous database they had loaded into all Diaspora Bolos. Hints and clues where everywhere as to the composition of such things.
“Simple? It surely doesn’t look it.” Celestia watched her sister take a piece of bruschetta and shoving it whole into her mouth, not the least bit remorseful as she did the same. Flavors flowed across her palate as the combination of tastes were wonderful as was the presentation.
Luna had already finished her appetizer, holding the plate out for more to a waiting mechanical that filled it again, “Are you sure you won’t take a job as a palace cook?” She laughed when he shook his head.
“The offer is enough though.”
“Well! I certainly hope that Applejack appreciates the effort.”
“She does let me near the stove now, so we shall see.” This elicited laughter, bright and cheerful, from both mares.
The meal was pleasant, quiet, and enjoyed immensely. Ponies having a big penchant for sweets he did not forget dessert. Though it was over all too soon, there were future training sessions to be scheduled. For now the two Princesses were pleased with their progress, fully intending to continue. But only once some of the bruises had faded.
He saw them off out of the cavernous bay, seeing them take a slow wing towards Canterlot. Teleportation being a bit beyond the tired mares right now. He sat pondering the possibilities of opening maybe a restaurant, making things for one to enjoy. That would be a good thing he thought, seeing beings who would enjoy an old Earth style cuisine. It gave him something to think upon.
I should have known better than to meander with my own thoughts as Athena came rushing into the bay. She had taken to doing so at random times instead of contacting him through the war bands.
“Ohmygosh! We’ve got a problem!”
Of course we do.
-----
“Are you serious?” We are walking towards Athena’s bays, I am accessing security video of it now and analyzing the last twenty-four hours worth of recordings.
“Yes, I’m serious! I finished the cartoons with the little ones and checked on the storage bay, registers showed me approximately a quarter metric ton was missing!” She was looking nervous, prancing around him as if he would be angry with her. “I reviewed the security footage, but..you might want to take a look.”
“Will you please calm down, I am sure there is an explanation.”
“Bu...but... I was supposed to be watching and I..wa..wasn’t.. I’m really so..sorry!” She was halted on the grass, rubbing her forehooves across one another and looking at the ground, “I’m really sorry. I m..mean.. Who’d want to steal cereal? All they had to do was ask!”
He stopped, looking at her for a brief second, “Why are you acting as if I would be angry sister? We all make mistakes, even Bolos.”
“Because I was supposed to be watching! I..I kee..keep messing up!”
“It is a simple mistake. Missing cereal, no matter how much, is not the end of the world sister.”
“I..I know.. but...” She ceases her stuttering when I lay a hoof on her shoulder.
“Stop. You are fine. We will find out who..” Now I see it, somewhat blurry on the video but definitely noticeable. A shape moving quite fast, in and out hauling loads that would be untenable for anyone else.
Pinkie.
“Are you sure?” Athena’s eyes narrow as I share the data. She had seen as much, waiting for confirmation.
“Positive, her bracelet also tracks.”
“That’s what I saw as well. Now why would she take it when she could have asked?”
“I do not know, maybe we should ask her?”
The worried face turns to consternation, “You know what? No. I’m not going to bother. If they want the stupid stuff let them have it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. It’s not like she took a tactical nuclear weapon or anything, let her have it.” Without another word she turned, trotting off towards the castle where Twilight probably was.
Good for her. Though it was making me suspicious as to why Pinkie would pull a theft instead of just asking. It was not like her to do such things. She had done impossible and very odd things before, but this was a little out of character. Or perhaps in character, he couldn’t be sure when it came to the pink mare.
He continued on his way, ending up on the street corner across from Sugar Cube Corner, watching the ponies entering and leaving the store. There were quite a few, and from his vantage point he could see Pinkie behind the serving counter.
Suspicion is a natural thing for Bolos. Paranoia the commonplace. This situation was piquing his interest as well.
Ponies are queuing up for the treats that the bakery serves, though I am coming to the conclusion that it is perhaps more than that. Business is always brisk at the place, but this is beyond expectations.
I take what I know and start correlating the data, comparing it to anything and everything that could possibly allow me an insight into this situation. Everything to do with ponies is complicated, the magic makes it so. It infuses everything from the lowliest blade of grass to the highest order beings. It is a wild card we cannot ignore in our summations.
Tactical is giving me outlines now, one that seems most prominent is addiction.
Human beings, of any race and creed, were prone to this. One of the most prominent in Concordiat society was virtual world addiction. Wanting to live a life that was so much better than the one you had became a powerful driving force in some humans lives.
Much more than drugs, or stimulation, the virtual world was everything. People had been found dead hooked into a simulation and forgetting to feed or take care of themselves. It was a horrible way to go. The draw it had on humans was such that they committed theft and robbery to pay for hookups, scrounging every last credit to pay for a few minutes in another world.
Drugs were another problem still. So many worlds and so much technology had spawned drugs that mankind had never dreamed of. Some to take you to fantasies, some to make the body stronger and more powerful for a few hours such as combat drugs.
One even gave a sense of bliss that was so overwhelming an entire world had died from it. The civilization ended itself by not having children anymore, content in a drug-induced stupor that was so much better than anything in real life. Quarantine was placed on that world, blockaded and guarded, forever alone in a populated galaxy as none would dare try to find out what that drug was on pain of death.
When you think the races of the Concordiat could do no worse to themselves, you were surprised.
As he processed the problem, it was becoming clearer to his mind that this may be a sort of addiction. The one thing that did not match up was the colors shining along coats. But it could have been only a one time thing, as he had seen no repeats on ponies he was observing.
This might be a precursor to the addiction setting in.
But...addiction to cereal? He did not put it out of mind, nor did he laugh. After past problems, this was definitely a possibility.
The ingredients in the foods they had been eating were not to be found here at all. They were made with processes that had died along with the Concordiat an eon ago.
He kept watching while pondering, only interrupted when a warm form leaned against him.
“Whatcha doin’ there sugar?” Applejack’s voice was soft in the waning light.
He was forthright with her as always, “Watching the bakery. I have a suspicion something is wrong with Pinkie.”
A laugh answered him, “Took ya this long to figure that out?”
The humor did make him smile slightly. He knew Pinkie was viewed at as ‘different’ even among ponies.
“I am afraid it is not the normal Pinkie everypony knows. I believe something might have affected her, she is acting strangely even for her.” He outlined the theft when she could have asked, making Applejack set back and ponder, shoving the hat back on her head.
“Ya know, that is odd. Especially after that first time. Thought we had all that solved.”
“I know.”
“What ya think could be wrong?”
“I am not sure. But I believe it is linked to the cereal she has been eating.”
This struck a chord, making the orange mares’ eyes widen, “Ya know that craving I was having? Sure went away when I had some of that stuff.”
She jerked back as the umber head snapped around like one of his turrets, eyes narrowing, “How fast?”
“Right fast. Gone just like a cloud when Rainbow smacks it.”
That clinched it. He could not, would not, be positively sure. But the evidence, scant as it was, was pointing towards an addiction of some sort.
It always happened at the most inopportune time. Thus it was becoming evening, ponies retreating to their houses for the night, the sun setting below the horizon already. Luna’s moon was looking to be full and bright tonight.
“Athena.”
“Yes?” She was sentinel, her cores quiet, keeping a sharp watch on the surroundings.
“As always, one minor thing has turned into another.” He shot her the data.
“You have got to be kidding!”
“I am afraid not. We need to begin switching medical packages to detox. This will disrupt the run right now but it cannot be helped. We have to get Pinkie and see what changes are in her that we can try and get rid of.”
“Soooo...capturing Pinkie and bringing her in for detox. Wonderful. Any other impossible missions you’d like? Taking on Melconian Homeworld Planetary Defenses by yourself maybe?”
“Your confidence in my planning is astounding.” His sarcasm was very clear, “We will catch her in the early morning.”
“You know this isn’t going to turn out well?”
“Have some confidence Athena.”
“Oh I do! I do. But...Pinkie.”
“Understood.”
We both drop the link, Athena chuckling to herself as I sit on the corner making sure nothing untoward happens. Drone coverage is increased for now in case of an escape.
I am confident things will be solved in a short time.
How easy it is to convince ourselves that plans will not go astray.
----------
I am still sitting and watching when the sun crests over the hills. Morning light brings a golden sheen to everything, making it bright and new.
Ferrets had dropped re-equipped technical spiders off at the bridge, fitted with riot control gear they stood ready to use capture nets and low power weapons to stun and restrain.
I do not skimp when some situations are demanding of it.
Having seen what Pinkie is capable of, I should have brought an army. Still, she is just one pony.
Her schedule is known by me, waking up, a trot through town in the morning is usual for exercise. She actually does try to stay fit, beyond parties and baking all day.
What we don’t know is the thing that gets us all in the end.
-----
Pinkie awoke with that craving, this time it was worse than before making her grab at a grumbling stomach. Cramps had started to set in as well, making her groan slightly.
Wow, too much work and too little food! I need something!
Her thoughts immediately turned to the piles of bags in the storeroom, wanting to dig in immediately. But she couldn’t eat too much, the rest had to be for all the stuff they’d be making today! Pits.
Waaaaait a second...
Why should I have to give any of that stuff to them? Her mind was awhirl, knowing there was enough of that sugary goodness to last a loooong time!
Yeahhh..the Cakes hadn’t arrived yet so it was just her right now. You know what, I’m keeping this stuff!
She huffed, sitting on her bed and staring at Gummy, “Yeah, I’m keeping it!”
The alligator just looked at her, used to the strange whenever she was around and licked his eyeball.
“Thought you’d agree!”
-----
Crusader politely walked up to the door as Pinkie hadn’t shown for her early morning walkthrough. Knocking on the heavy wood he didn’t have to wait long to hear hoofsteps pounding along the floor.
The door cracked slightly, one blue eyed peered out, “Yeah?”
Crusader figured being honest was always the best policy, “Pinkie, I need you to come with me please.”
The eye narrowed, glaring at him, “Why?”
“I think there is a problem with the cereal you’ve been eating.”
That triggered it. Pinkie knew they were out to get her stuff! Though the only ‘they’ was Crusader, she KNEW there were more! KNEW IT!
The umber pony found the door slammed in his face, “Oh no you’re not! You’re not getting my cereal!” The voice was loud from the inside. He heard a furious storm of sound inside as the windows appeared to be boarded up in swift succession. He didn’t even have time to send in a technical spider before every ingress was blocked or in the process of being blocked.
Crusader couldn’t imagine how she’d even moved so fast. His cores heating up with speculation as he shut that line of reasoning down firmly. Technical spiders wandered over the outside now, looking for a way in and finding none. The group he had brought with him looking like some sci-fi story come to life as they stood outside each window and door.
He couldn’t believe this.
She was example zero, the longest consumer of the cereals they could find and they needed to scan her medically. Find the changes and program packages for correcting them.
Perhaps we should have gone for Rainbow Dash.
He sat in front of the heavy wooden door, looking at the planks that made it up, he calculated it would be no problem to break open. Though catching a now paranoid pink mare would turn into a fight. He could force the door, that would be the wrong thing as ponies were starting to wake up and wander to jobs or other places. They couldn’t help but notice that every window and door on Sugar Cube Corner had a large mechanical spider next to it, carrying odd objects.
This was going to be a circus.
He rubbed his forehead with one hoof, grateful he could make such a physical movement now as it assuaged him. He reached out and knocked on the door once more.
“Go away! It’s MY stuff!”
“Pinkie, something in the food you have been eating is making you act this way. Please come with me so I can help.”
The heavy door started creaking open, letting Crusader feel a sigh of relief in his cores. Maybe this would not...
He was rocked back and slapped off the steps leading to the shop, hit by something which caught him off guard, tumbling even his heavy avatar mane over tail.
He lay on his back in the dusty street, staring up at a patrolling drone wondering what exactly just happened. He replayed the log in his mind and saw a large item coming at him as the door popped open, then shut again bolted from the inside.
He reached up and wiped away something covering his eyes, staring at it in confusion.
Apple pie?
-----
“She what??”
“Assaulted my avatar with a large apple pie. Quite the amount of force was applied, throwing my avatar a few meters into the street.”
Athena’s voice was raucous with laughter, “Aren’t you glad they don’t have power guns?”
“Some times we get lucky. We need to extract her from the bakery Athena. She may become a danger to others, as paranoia has quite obviously set in.”
“I’ll be right there, maybe she’ll listen to me.”
“I shall be awaiting your arrival.”
-----
Crusader watched as the tumbling form landed right beside him in a cloud of dust. Wings and legs tangling up as the sable form rolled on past him. His eyes watching the cursing form skid to a stop, wiping at eyes and face. A few mares quickly covered the ears of foals and walked away with a glare in her direction. He would apologize for her later.
A voice was yelling from inside the bakery, “It’s my cereal!”
He waited until she stopped tumbling before venturing, “It appears to be a large caliber chocolate cream pie Athena, lucky you were not totally destroyed.” His deadpan delivery made a few ponies laugh, enjoying the event so far.
She stumbled to her hooves, battle screen snapping on and splattering nearby ponies with the remnants of a very large pie.
Shaking her wings out, she growled, “That little...”
“Athena..”
“That..that.. I’m gonna knock that door in!”
Crusader’s calm voice stopped her before she could plant a hoof, “Athena, calm down. We are not going to destroy the bakery.”
“Then send in the riot squad! Hitting me with a pie! How dare..how...argh!” She stamped an angry hoof in the dirt, scuffing it as she eyed the front door.
“I am loathe to cause any damage to property.” This got him a look from surprised lavender eyes, “I know. But she is just being affected by something, and we do have her in one place. That is a plus.”
“She hit me with a pie! How’d she even knock my avatar off its hooves?”
“When it comes to Pinkie, I am afraid we cannot make assumptions.”
“In other words you don’t know.”
“Exactly.”
Athena’s screen snapped off, “Okay, I’m gonna try this again. I’m good with this, we’ll try the peaceful way.” She stepped up to the door once more and knocked on it, waiting politely for an answer.
Have I mentioned yet that I am proud of my sister? She truly is trying to be a part of society here, of life. She does so well, being happy and content most days, even with problems that we face some times.
As I watch her tumble past me one more time, covered in what appears to be ice cream, I still am very proud of her.
I wait patiently as she gets to her hooves once more, a look of anger on her face. She should not be in such a way, it is a simple problem I am sure, and we are trying to be polite about all this.
“Athena, calmly sister.”
“A..a banana split? REALLY?” She wipes her eyes clean, not bringing her screen up this time and running over to the fountain for a quick dip, coming back with her mane plastered along her neck.
“I swear, just one howitzer shot, just one!
“Athena..”
“I know. I know.” She’s looking very disgruntled at the bakery right now, “So what do we do?”
“I was thinking multiple entries with the tech spiders. They are equipped with riot weapons and stun gas, so maybe we can catch her off guard.” He paused for a moment, “I do have a sedation alternative, but am running the scenarios now.”
She nods, eyeing the windows carefully, “That’s going to cause some damage.”
“Less than you going in there on a rampage.”
She narrows her eyes at me, “Are you saying I like wrecking things?”
“Of course not.”
Before I can execute a pre-planned assault, a voice interrupts us.
“Hey, what’s going on?” We both turn to see Twilight standing in the morning sun, looking at both of us in puzzlement.
We explain quickly, about the cereal, the addiction we are presuming is happening. That we need to scan Pinkie as she is furthest along with it, allowing us a better solution.
“Maybe Rainbow Dash? She’s been munching on that stuff too.” Twilight’s fast.
“We have not seen her today. Otherwise I would try...” All too soon are words spoken we wish we could take back.
A cyan blur slams to a halt in front of the door, a hoof rapping on it as Rainbow is yelling for Pinkie. A pink leg reaches out and grabs her before we can have the nearest ‘spider hit them with a capture net. The Pegasus disappears inside the bakery.
Athena looks surprised at the speed at which all this is taking place, “Nice. Now we’ve got two of them.”
I admit I am taken aback as well. Are we slowing in our reactions? Most likely we are getting lazy with ourselves, now used to a slower pace of life which does not call upon us to use our skills to the fullest between emergencies. Either way, we now have a barricade situation.
I plan for an entry with two of the spiders, one with a low powered stun weapon just in case and another with a tanglefoot web. A sticky net like construction that once it hits the perpetrator, the more they struggle, the more wrapped they become.
Low powered stun weapons gave a shock to the nervous system, making them lose control and go unconscious. I was hesitant to use them, so the first spiders in would have nets. I am loathe to use any gas weapons, even for stunning, as I am not sure what would happen.
Rainbow Dash had not come back out, making me believe that she had joined the problem. They had quite an amount of food in there so conceivably they could hold out for a long time.
I order the technical spiders to their staging points on the lower floor. This will be a dynamic entry as they place breaching charges on the sills. Low powered, they should only break the glass and the boards behind them, letting the mechanicals in for a sweep.
My attention is fully on the bakery, divided between ten techspiders, the first two are ready for breach.
I give the go signal, immediately the windows are blown out and the ‘spiders disappear into the openings. Everything is looking good. The data streams are solid and strong, nothing in the..wait...nothing?
The spiders stop, looking around the room, only seeing each other. Pinkie and Rainbow must be upstairs. Odd, I would think..oh no.
I direct Spider Two to look up, seeing at the last moment a pink blur dropping as the video feed suddenly dissolves into static. The other machine sees her disable the lenses with a few quick blows, turning to the other one and avoiding the tanglefoot net shot at her. She is extremely fast, dodging and directing another hit to the optics which leads me to see only static.
And that is that. Two technical spiders out of commission in less than twenty seconds. Quite an accomplishment.
“Soooo...?” Athena is waiting impatiently.
“She has disabled them quite efficiently.”
She is gaping at me, stamping a hoof in the dirt, “Oh come on! Seriously?”
“Quite serious. She is very good at ambushes.”
“Look, just let me..” I stop her before she finishes the thought.
“Your battle screen will harm her or Rainbow, it is the only protection you have. You are fast, true, but there are two of them in there. If you fight with Pinkie, somepony will get hurt.”
“Then I’ll go in there.” Twilight perks up, “She’ll listen to me!” With that she trots off to the doorway, knocking politely.
“Pinkie’s gone paranoid, wanting to keep it all. Thats a bad sign.”
“Yes it is. That is why we need her to scan.”
“Maybe a..” We hear Twilights voice rise in a squawk before she comes flying past us, landing in the grass by the roadside with a loud sound. Athena is there immediately helping her up. Another large caliber surprise of the baked kind...with frosting this time, vanilla I think..
The Alicorn wipes blinking eyes and shakes her wings out, “That..why she...A cake? Pinkie!” She starts to move towards the bakery again, stopped by Athena’s gentle hoof on her shoulder.
“I wouldn’t.”
Twilight is absolutely flabbergasted, “She..she threw a cake at me! I can’t believe this!”
Athena leads her protesting all the way to the fountain where they clean her up.
“So... Another day in Ponyville?”
I turn, seeing the Captain there setting quietly, a few members of the Guard with him.
“I would say so.”
He looks at me with curious eyes, “You’re very calm about all this.”
“There is no reason to be angry, although Athena would disagree with me right now.”
“Want to fill me in?”
I do. Telling him about the cereal, the odd effects and what we surmise may be happening. I also add that hopefully nopony else ate enough to trigger a threshold, giving them the same addiction. Though I cannot be sure right now.
He eyes the bakery carefully, “Now that, is interesting.”
“Very much so. I find it quite the puzzle.”
Bars raises a hoof, “Sunshine, Granite, go get her.” The two named ponies trot over to the door and knock.
“I would not recommend that course of...” And there they go past us, bowling the other guards over. Pinkie has switched ammunition it appears, peach pie this time.
Granite does trigger amusement in me as he tastes a bit of the projectile.
“Always did love peaches.”
Sunshine doesn’t share the sentiment as she wipes herself clean, “She was yelling something about ‘them’ wanting her cereal.”
Well, now we have definitely reached the paranoia stage. This is getting better by the moment as more ponies crowd the streets, watching the guards clean up.
Athena comes back with a cleaner, albeit a grumbling, Twilight.
“Okay, that does it! I’ll get her to come out!” She concentrates, her horn lighting up with a spell.
“Twilight don’t!” Athena tries to grab her, both of them popping out of our sight with a teleportation spell.
Sunshine looks at the bakery, “I got a bad feeling..”
The tumult inside tells us of quite the scuffle. Voices yelling, a few loud crashes. I do take advantage of the argument inside to have the technical spiders check the other windows, sturdy and would take more breaching charges to get through. The ones that were blown earlier are already blocked with heavy items.
The front door slams open for a quick moment as I see a sable blur go past us, overhead this time, with a yell. She lands a few yards past the group of us into the Flower Sisters flower bed with quite the sound. Athena pops back up and shakes herself out.
“She’s got a catapult!”
And there is a familiar lavender shape, wings flapping uselessly as she tries to recover, slamming into Athena who tries her best to capture her but blunting the force of the landing quite well I thought. Though Daisy, Rose and Lily are not going to be pleased.
“OH COME ON! Not our flowers!”
There we go.
The three Earth Ponies come boiling out of the house, looking at the devastation. Twilight does her best to apologize. But two ponies being thrown through the air and landing on carefully cultivated blooms do cause a lot of damage.
They were very pretty flowers too.
Bars sends over a guard to make sure the hurt feelings don’t get out of hoof. Smart move.
I should be more cautious knowing she now has cobbled together a weapon, or somewhat of one being that she has only thrown ponies around so far. It does explain the force behind the pies that tumbled my sister quite a ways.
Tactical is feeding me outlines for plans, the use of a riot agent is not advisable as the chemicals involved are tailored to the human physiology and would possibly hurt or kill ponies. I set analytical programs on the sedative, seeing if it is harmful to ponies, it should take a minute or so to find out.
Another possible solution comes to mind, reprogramming a medpak to tranquilize her would be a good start, though getting it on her long enough to infiltrate her circulatory system presents another problem.
I do admit, this is turning into a good problem to solve. Though I am never going to ever admit it to anyone.
I watch as Twilight explains what is going on, though I would rather she didn’t. It does tend to only encourage rash actions...and there it is.
The three Sisters are marching their way up to the door, wanting to vent their displeasure on a Pinkie who is now, at best, paranoid somepony will take her cereal. This is definitely going to be interesting.
I am seriously thinking of ducking, but ballistics programs inform me I am clear of any trajectories that ponies may find themselves being tossed into. Though I need not have feared, the three were wrapped in a sticky ball of taffy that rolled into Captain Bars, missing me by a good meter.
Storing the information away, that concoction would be a good crowd control device if ever researched, though why it would be needed I am not sure. It is interesting to see the complex interactions that taffy can do.
Twilight is on the ball, her magic carefully unwrapping the sticky ball of three unhappy mares and one peeved Guard Captain. The Air Patrol is silenced from their snickering by a glare from the large Earth pony, peeling himself free and heading towards home where he can clean up.
“Stars, some stallions would be glad to be wrapped up in a ball with..” That voice is stopped by glares from the sisters.
And that settles that.
“So why aren’t you doing anything?” I turn to see a very disgruntled Athena eyeing me.
“Me?”
“Yes, you!”
“She has not hurt anyone, so I am trying to find a way to retrieve her peacefully. Though there are not many options.” I gesture slightly towards the front door, “And there is Rainbow Dash, though I believe she will not be much of a problem.”
That is true. Fiber optics was an old technology when we were young, and infiltrating a single hair-thin cable inside with a visual feed is very easy. I’ve been watching the interior for a while now as the eight tech spiders I have left are equipped with optical abilities.
Rainbow Dash appears currently sleeping off a binge of eating on the front counter. She had quite a selection of food available, so I am assuming she took advantage and as they say ‘pigged out’.
Pinkie is wandering the store as I listen to what she is muttering to herself.
-----
“Oh no, try and get MY cereal huh? I’ll show them!” The pink face was concentrating, trying to figure out more ways to keep ‘them’ from getting her precious food.
“Nope. Not gonna let ‘em!”
-----
I admit, pondering this problem at my leisure is a bonus. We are not in a rush to perform actions, nor are we in a snap reflex combat. Though I am worried about time and what it might do to Pinkie and Rainbow, it is not pressing.
What does take some thought is how to solve this. But in the meanwhile, it appears the entertainment is not going to stop.
A newly returned Captain Bars, while a good-natured level-headed pony, is not happy with what happened, sending his best from the Air and Ground Patrol to get into the shop and take Pinkie into custody until things calm down.
The old Sergeant is standing back, giving me a wink as he apparently knows what is about to happen.
He does move to the side as five guards make their way to the door. I do wish they would stop knocking, although it is polite it is also warning Pinkie that someone is trying to get in.
The Sergeant and I watch as the door opens, Granite and Sunshine are talking to Pinkie for just a moment. I am surprised, it appears that they are getting..oh wait.
My database of ballistics, along with information on most any sort of weapon whether Concordiat or Melconian etc., is seriously in need of updating. I have never seen cupcakes used that way before, nor rapid-fired or packing as much of a punch as they do. Perhaps the frosting adds to the kinetic impact, I am not sure.
I do know that Granite, who is tumbling past myself and the Sergeant, is quite large for an Earth Pony. This makes me update my assumption of the kinetic force involved. Considering the frangibility of cupcakes, it is quite a sight.
Sunshine Dew is quite agile, managing to avoid most of the projectiles until an out of order pie catches her dead in the face, knocking her alongside the other Air Patrol member out of the air in quick succession.
The remaining two guard members are running for their lives, though they are truly not in any danger except for possibly the scuffed noses as they get hit in the tail. Flipping backside over head, they end up in the fountain. That is auspicious, as it solves the problem of them finding some place to clean up at.
I hear a snicker, turning to see the old Sergeant covering his muzzle with a hoof, coughing suddenly as he notices me watching him and beating on his chest, “Darn cold, just won’t leave.”
I do nod politely, “Of course.”
Bars has already planted a hoof on his forehead, a natural thing I think as he does that quite a lot some days. He is watching the Air Patrol Pegasi trying to get untangled as they did fall in quite a heap.
Pinkie seems to have an unerring ability to calculate trajectories and the ballistic properties of baked items. Her aim is definitely on par with Athena and I have not seen her miss yet, except for one errant cupcake. Perhaps the frosting was layered wrong, affecting the aerodynamics of the item. I will never know as a group of foals are happily sharing the item between themselves after finding it.
Such a loss for weapons technology.
An impact on my shoulder tells me Athena is still beside me, albeit now more amused that others have suffered such an ignoble fate. Even Twilight is giggling behind a polite hoof.
“Oh my stars! What is going on here?” Rarity is trotting up with Applejack by her side, looking at the wreckage of the past few attempts. Applejack is staring at me, probably assuming I had something to do with it. I do, but it is not all my fault.
“Looks like a cart ran wild and free through here.” Her green eyes are taking in the guard ponies cleaning up at the fountain and the remains of quite a few missiles of delicious destruction.
Twilight and Athena give a brief synopsis of the events leading up to this. Explaining the problems with the cereal and now that Pinkie has barricaded herself and Rainbow Dash in the bakery, everypony was trying to figure out a way to get her to come out. Hopefully so Athena and I can help solve whatever problem is causing this.
“She’ll just have to stop what she’s doing and come out, simple as that!” Rarity is confident, I will give her that.
“Rares, ah don’t think it’s gonna be that easy.” The farmer points a hoof at the various ‘casualties’ of this siege.
“Oh pish-posh! She’ll listen to me.” With that she trotted ever more confidently towards the doorway.
“Rarity don’t!” Twilight’s pleading doesn’t register with the fashionista as she gives a jaunty wave from the front steps of the bakery.
We all watch when she starts to turn back around, the door creaking open and she gets a face full of whipped cream and chocolate fudge syrup. All through the perfectly coiffed mane.
Pinkie was even nice enough to top it off with a cherry. I thought that was rather polite considering the circumstances.
Even with everything going on, Pinkie has retained a state of mind that she has never hurt nor injured anyone permanently or viciously. I find that admirable actually. Though in this case...
The scream of horror was enough to make everypony in the vicinity cringe. A white Unicorn did a one pony stampede through the area heading back to her boutique.
“Got ‘er right where she lives.” Applejack is watching the traumatized mare leave nothing but dust behind.
“That she did.” I do turn and look at her for a moment.
Holding hooves up she shakes her head, “Oh no, I ain’t goin’ nowheres near that place.”
“I think that would be prudent.”
That eyebrow gets raised once more in my direction, “So, what exactly are you doing about all this?”
“Me?”
“Yes you. I ain’t talking to myself.”
“I am trying to find a way to settle this without harm. It is a conundrum.”
“That sure don’t sound like you’re doin’ a whole lot.” She gives me a smile, nudging my shoulder.
“I assure you I am doing more than you imagine right now.”
Applejack laughs along with Twilight, “More than just sitting and watching the fireworks?”
“There is that.”
Athena butts in, “You could have caught me!”
“I figured the flower bed was soft enough, there would be no damage.”
“That’s not the point!” She taps a hoof on my chest, “Pinkie has a catapult!”
“A good one too!” Twilight is eyeing the bakery, rubbing her chin, “It’s well-made, really kinda nice...”
Athena sighs, “Twilight, focus.”
“Oh..oh yeah.. Anyways.”
“She hasn’t harmed anyone, at least not permanently, beyond a few scrapes and one messed up mane...”
Twilight rolls her eyes, “According to Rarity that’s a disaster.”
“Accounting for that, it is hard to come up with a solution.”
Athena eyes me for a long moment, I can feel her thoughts rumbling below her conscious core activity, “You’re up to something.”
“Why would I be up to something?”
A steady hoof is pointed at myself, “You aren’t even laughing at any of this. I know you can laugh.”
“Of course I can, but unlike yourself I am taking this all quite seriously.”
Athena opens her mouth to make a reply, stopping at a nudge from Twilight.
“Be nice, he’s doing his best.”
“Fine.” But her eyes narrow as she glares at me once more before turning away.
I really can do nothing but give a shrug as I let my tactical programs take the lead, following up on a few scenarios I could try but would cause damage to the store. That is not acceptable right now.
Ponies are gathering of course, intensely interested in anything happening in town, it does tend to draw a crowd.
I am used to the brutality, the coarseness of total war, not a simple situation like this one. It is basic really, an addiction causing some paranoia and a bunkering down inside a house. Humans dealt with it all the time, but I am not them. Not being well-versed in the psychology of the mind, pony or human, I am somewhat at a loss. Though I am doing my best.
Many, many scenarios are passing through my mind as I sit quietly. Most ended well, some badly, a few horrifically. Various worlds had different ways of handling situations. Some played the waiting game, however long it took. Some immediately did dynamic entries, usually causing casualties among any hostages or innocents. Others actually talked, minute by minute, hour by hour, wearing down the subject.
Some tactical plans make me pause, reviewing them before moving on as none fit this situation. I do not think anything fits this situation.
A pony who talks and is intelligent, that is addicted to cereal which is causing paranoia and who appears to be unerringly accurate throwing baked goods at anyone who tries to approach and ‘take’ away her source of feeling good.
Human officers would have thrown their hands up and walked away.
I cannot do the same, though I am tempted. She is a friend and I will not leave her in dire straights of any sort.
Accessing the video feeds, Rainbow has awoken and apparently sided with Pinkie, reaching the ‘They are out to get us’ stage. Wonderful. Pinkie is still roaming the building, peeking out the windows and making sure her supply of cereal is still intact. She has placed it all close to her in an unused corner of storeroom area, available to eat as she walks around.
I do notice one thing, though am prevented from saying anything as the latest round of attempts to help continue. I am not of the mind to mention, it would not be of any use. Ponies like helping, even to their own detriment and that of others.
If I could sigh in reality....
This time it is Twilight and Athena, with a protesting Applejack in tow. Rarity still has not made another appearance. Bars is accompanying them for what I hope is a calm and very reasonable discussion between ....and I am probably wrong.
Twilight learned a lesson earlier on about using magic to teleport herself inside the store. I admit the ballistic properties of ponies are interesting from my standpoint, though I do wish Pinkie would stop heaving them around.
This conversation has lasted longer than most, Pinkie is gesturing wildly as Twilight is trying her best to calm her down, reassuring her nopony is trying to take her cereal. A valiant effort. I can hear them quite well, as I did the others. Rainbow is standing back, looking to be ready to defend her supply of food.
Pinkie is arguing but that is to be expected, she ducks back inside for a moment.
“See? Solving the problem!” Athena’s voice is merry, waving to me from the front door.
“Athena, I do not think it wise to turn your back on her.”
“Stop worrying! I’m ready for...OH SH....!”
It all happened very fast. This is what I reconstructed from the playback using drone cameras and my own sight as well as the tech-spiders nearby.
Athena had turned, waving to me from the steps as Applejack, Twilight and Bars stood facing Pinkie, watching her retreat into the store once more. Applejack moved faster than I ever saw her do, shoving Twilight out of the way and into Bars who tumbled to the right and off the steps. Moving them all out of the line of fire Athena was the only one left, unfortunately her backside was facing the doorway.
She was altogether too trusting, though I suppose she will always be so when it comes to Twilight. Her rear end was hit by a massive explosion of what appeared to be cake and confetti at the same time, launching her into the air along the ground and speeding towards the Flower Sisters at quite the pace.
Calculating her trajectory and Time on Target, the scrambling mares will not get out of the way in time.
Hoping my hooves keep their purchase on the dusty ground, I move towards her on an intercept course.
Now when Athena’s backside got covered in cake and she was hurled off the steps, Applejack stumbled back into the second round of cannon fire.
Another conflagration of confetti and what looked like a mass of pudding...vanilla by the way..hit her broadsides. From nose to Cutie Mark she was plastered with white, being thrown back at an angle and into the grass off to the side of the store. Earth Pony’s are sturdy, doubly so with all the work they do, so there is not much hurt received.
This was working to her disadvantage as she was thrown directly into a group of guards that had lingered off to one side.
The pudding, I found out later, was also laced with a very viscous concoction of caramel. This was quite the sight as the group of four ponies was immediately stuck to Applejack as she hit them full on. Imagine if you would tar and feathering except with vanilla pudding and confetti. I believe you get the picture.
Twilight and Bars were shoved out of the line of fire, so they were safe until Pinkie stepped outside. She was yelling something to the partial quote of, “We will fight them in the hills...” I did not catch the rest as the firing of the cannon became the overwhelming sound. Rainbow is right beside her, tossing multiple rounds of small baked items, fritters from the appearance, at anything that moves.
My own movement is precise as I reach out, grabbing Athena and catching her as best I can. We both go tumbling into a pile of crates, though the containers suffer horribly, we are none the worse for wear. Except for my sister being quite angry right now.
“She shot me in the butt!” Eyeing her tail, where it’s attached to, seeing it covered in cake and very glutinous fudge frosting, “I..this.. If I was real I’d have cake all the way up my..”
“Athena....”
“Well it’s true!”
“Even if it was, saying it out loud does not help the situation.” I make a surreptitious gesture towards listening ponies, some snickering behind raised hooves.
The blush rising in her cheeks along with a look of consternation would make me chuckle, but I figure it is not the appropriate time. She stomps off to clean up.
Off that topic for a moment, I do believe that I have a solution now. Pinkie is noticeably flagging. All the expenditure of energy as well as keeping tabs on all the entrances is draining her stamina faster than normal. This gives me an opportunity.
Defense spiders have been long-equipped with minor things in case of hull intrusion, one of them is a general soporific that can be used in case a prisoner is wanted. After sifting through all the available resources, I have decided this will be the one. It should not hurt Pinkie or even Rainbow, who has joined in the revolution it appears. It is a long shot and I would prefer not to do so, but if it will make them sleepy that will be good enough.
But while Athena and I had been talking, Pinkie had begun a barrage of confetti and other things shot out of her cannon. Although the confetti is a nice touch, it does no harm and cannot fly very well or far. It is the other items which worry me. Rainbow is actually a fair shot, hitting two out of three and plastering ponies with frosting covered treats.
Poor Sunshine Dew, such a stalwart Pegasus of the Air Patrol and survivor of the horrors of Athena’s Haunted House. Taken out by another large cake, such a sad ending for a warrior. It was chocolate too from what I can see, a loss on both sides.
Granite and Bastion are taken out by a rapid fire slinging of more pies. That was coconut cream from what I can tell. I will have to ask her for that recipe, it really looked good. They are blinded, running into a group of onlookers. I honestly have no words for this.
As ever, my sister is rushing in to protect our friends. You cannot fault her, though you would think after three times she would learn her lesson and stay back.
I strangely do not feel the inclination to say anything, sitting quietly and watching the confusion, it is interesting. I seem to be the island of calm in a whirlwind of activity, odd that.
Athena is blinded by a large amount of, once again, pudding. Stumbling into Twilight, she and the Alicorn ram into Applejack and get stuck to the mare from the previous sticky concoction which has not been cleaned off yet. It is all happening so rapidly it is taking up processing power to record and replay the data back.
I have honestly never seen this much food flying through the air at anytime in my centuries of service. A unique opportunity I am taking advantage of to record for posterity. One must have records to back up evidence.
It does make one wonder how Pinkie does it. Did she cook everything before? Is it a particular magic only she uses? The world may never know. But for now at least I have a record.
Ponies are running for cover as Pinkie and Rainbow share the wealth. How she can fire a cannon and fling other foods is beyond me, even my cameras cannot catch all the actions. I watch Cheerilee pushing a crowd of schoolponies to safety before getting...I believe ‘walloped’ is the correct term, by another cream pie. The little ones do get a laugh, that is always nice.
The old Guard Sergeant is setting beside me watching the action as well. As an old soldier, I am sure he’s seen his share of..yes he is laughing out loud. I reach over and pat his back, making sure he doesn’t cough too much before laughing again. The tears streaming down his face tell the story. He will have quite the tale to share later.
Big Mac is actually hiding under a cart. One would think that a stallion of his size and strength would be able to weather this storm. Considering there are four more hiding with him, there is not much more I can say. I do hope..yes Pinkie saw them. Not a lot is left of that cart.
At this point, I am considering notating anything Pinkie makes as Class Three or better weaponry after seeing the destruction.
I briefly saw Rarity show back up, mane and coat glistening after a good cleaning. She beat a hasty retreat when a collection of cupcakes landed near her. I really do not blame her.
As for the rest of the town, those not caught in the line of fire have prudently hidden themselves in their houses or behind something which will block the shots. Miss Cheerilee finally got the little ones to safety, though not without quite a look towards Pinkie as they ran off.
School teachers, more fearsome than Melconian Surturs sometimes.
The door to the bakery slams once more, letting a quiet settle upon this wasteland of a battlefield. I hear the groans of the wounded, the complaints of the food covered. It has been a holocaust of proportions unrealized in Equestrian history I am sure. Annals will probably show on this day, the Ponyville Food Massacre happened to the detriment of all involved.
I was there, a witness to the unfolding carnage. Thus my words shall carry import to the future, the lessons learned and the tactics used. Such is a record that will resound throughout the ages as...
“Would you shut up and STOP her!”
“You have no appreciation for history my sister.”
“I’m stuck to Twilight! I’m not happy right now!”
“According to your feelings, is that really a...”
“You say it and you’ll pay!”
“Understood.”
“Just stop her!”
“As ordered my angry sister.”
While Pinkie was declaring war on the entirety of Ponyville, my tech spiders had been pouring in the soporific gas through hoses of millimeter diameter. Able to reach in through cracks, it settles into the bakery.
I see Rainbow slump down, letting the pies she was holding slip to the floor as her eyes close, her comm bracelet showing nothing out of the ordinary except rest.
Pinkie is lasting quite a while, before finally toppling over with a loud sound against the wood planks. Mumbling something about ‘Myyyyy precccccious..” as she curls up on the floor. Perhaps we shouldn’t let her watch old movies anymore? The video feeds show her snoring quite loudly now.
I do move quickly, venting the area and getting Pinkie plus Rainbow into a Ferret which was summoned and waiting. They’ll be scanned medically and hopefully we can figure out what exactly happened.
As for now.... Time to untangle my sister.
------Evening-----
“You could have done that sooner!” Athena is not happy with me.
“I was running scenarios, and you, as well as Twilight, were determined to try and end it peacefully. A good effort. It was not my place to stop ponies from helping.”
We are talking while helping clean up. This action will definitely go down in history.
“You’re faster than that! You couldn’t have run them quicker? Or put the sleeper in earlier?”
“With the chemical interactions it was hard to make a decision Athena, I chose to be careful.”
When we scanned Rainbow and Pinkie, we saw the problems. The unique chemicals used in processing the food was reacting with their natural bodies and the magic in them. This caused a synergistic effect, giving them a heavy addiction as well as providing some ponies with more energy. Rainbow didn’t receive the benefit of extra energy due to her already fast metabolism, but was throwing sweets around quite well.
We have reprogrammed medical packages that are being distributed now to cleanse bodies of these unwanted things from long ago. Athena has locked down the storage bay and we are feeding the stocks into fusion furnaces.
Reprocessing them is not an option now, we need to get rid of it fast.
“She shot me in the butt!” Athena glares at a guard stallion snickering at her words, seeing him scurry off.
“That, my sister, was your fault. Turning your back on a threat.”
“She’s a friend, not a threat.” Her glaring at me is not working.
“Athena, you know better. Anything can be a threat. Anything.”
She scuffs a hoof, “I know, I know. I better go get cleaned up, I think we’re done here.”
We both look around the street. A few things remain to be swept up, but mostly our work is complete. We have helped as much as we can.
“Good idea, I have a few things to take care of as well.”
Athena’s face gets a sly grin on it as she nudges me, “So history keeper, what will this be named?”
“I am not sure yet. But something will strike me.”
“Don’t tell Twilight, she’ll want to record everything.” The sable Pegasus laughs and heads off.
I give her a wave before heading off to my war hull.
-----
Settling onto my Command Deck I bring up a screen, large enough to let me see everything as I run through the data accumulated. I lock down all data transmissions and anything that could possibly leak. All communications are halted for the moment.
I try and do what Athena does, watch the data through my avatars’ eyes. To see what they see, trying to take it all in.
I watch the battle, the food and other things flying at a tremendous pace. Pinkie’s quote sounds suspiciously like an old saying from Winston Churchill, but that is neither here nor there. She does things that make us wonder far too much.
The cameras and video links did an impressive job of catching the action. I edit and file away various things for posterity of course. Though there are moments that make me pause.
Seeing my sisters face just after Pinkie shot her in the backside is....priceless. The look that shows is something that makes me muse for a long second. I see Applejack’s expression, Twilight’s after getting stuck to her. They run the gamut from surprise to outright shock.
I find myself raising a hoof to my mouth, a laugh escapes me even though I try to hold it back. The images keep coming. Cheerilee hit by the pie, Big Mac and his fellows demolished along with the cart they were hidden under. Rainbow Dash flinging pies at anything that moved while hovering behind Pinkie was an especially nice shot.
I find more laughs bubbling up from my avatar even though I am not wanting them to. Eventually they fill my Command Deck with sound, the feel of my own merriment coming through clearly and loudly. I continue to watch the different camera angles, from drones and myself and Athena.
It cannot be helped. This...battle... was caused by the simplest of things to us, cereal. A foodstuff made long ago and far away in time. But to ponies it was addictive and more flavorful than natural foods. To myself, here and now, it is possibly the funniest thing I have ever witnessed in my long centuries of service.
The laughter rolls out of me, through speakers and my avatar as I replay the scenes, the expressions, the wholesale destruction wrought by baked goods. I can..feel..the humor, the emotion long missed sometimes.
There were many things I have found amusement at in the past and here.. But this..is beyond anything I have ever experienced.
I find it nice to be able to slap the decking with a hoof, howling with laughter that no one else can hear.
It is amazing as I can only think one thing, throughout all the scenes of surprise, shock, pure whimsy showing on the screen right now. I find it so appropriate. I know I shouldn’t be this way, addiction is not a thing to laugh at. But this...skirmish..this..
This...
Was the Best. Day. Ever.