FoE: Do Robot Ponies Dream of Electronic Bunnies
Chapter VII: Priorities
"Okay, first thing's fucking last." – Nice Guy Eddie, Reservoir Dogs
System Report: 0000000007
Unit Status: Active
Location: Edge of Whitetail Forest
Satellite Signal Status: Connected! Awaiting query.
Begin data dump to external off-site memory back-up:
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- - - - - - Done.
Preparing visual report: Done.
Date: --/--/2212, 200PA (+11 days activation)
Time: 2314 Local
Crap.
When you meet someone new who is, apparently, speaking to you through a remote uplink that's tapped into a Spritebot, calls themself Watcher, and tells you your purpose in the world is no longer a factor, what else are you gonna think?
For the past hour, I'd been speaking to the exact scenario, and the only thing I could say was huh. In a nutshell, the purpose I was created for no longer existed, as I'd already assumed. I was awake because of a short in the Canterlot Hub electrical grid. Watcher had traced it back to a zombie falling on a crosswire, causing a spark and blowing a generator right next to a safety grid. The reality was that the ponies that had made me had never intended to turn me back on.
Welcome to the Wasteland: Weird Shit Happens Here Just To Fuck With You.
"Lemme get this straight," I said finally. "You're telling me that I was never supposed to wake up? That I'm what, an anomaly? All this shit I've been doing wasn't supposed to happen AT ALL?"
"Keep it down," Watcher shushed. "You'll wake up the kid."
"Well, excuse me for being upset," I replied, my voice at a lower level, "but I just got told I was never supposed to be alive."
"Vers, I know you're mad."
"Was it that obvious?"
"I'd be mad too if a stranger just dropped in on me and told me I wasn't supposed to exist. But the fact is, you do exist. Not only do you exist, you're doing some good, and that's what you were designed for."
"Why should I believe you, Watcher," I asked. "What proof do you have to give me that you're telling the truth?"
"Honestly, none," the bot replied. "If you want, I could rattle off a few names you'd recognize, but really, that's not proof of anything."
"So why'd you come here then?"
"I've been watching you for a while now." No. Really? "And I want to help you out. You're one of very few ponies out there that are going the direction a pony should go. You've already made some friends, and that's great. And the way you handled the Wolven back there was pure brilliance. I just want to try and keep you on that path."
"I think I can do that myself just fine," I retorted.
"Yeah, that's what Blackjack thought too."
"Blackjack?"
"Another pony out doing good. Or trying to at least."
"Things not going so well for him I take it."
"Her. And yeah, she's hitting some hard bumps. But she's hanging in there."
"I'm not surprised. The wasteland seems to like curveballs." We were silent for a bit. Watcher seemed to be at sort of a loss for words. Apparently this conversation didn't go the way he'd expected. "So what's next," I asked. "Obviously, I get this family down to New Appleoosa, but what about beyond? Where do I go from there?"
"I honestly don't know, Vers. Really, I don't know what I expected to be able to tell you when I came here."
"You're also not really here."
"Touché. Well, the only thing I can say is keep your ears open. Opportunities pop up everywhere in the wasteland. Most ponies just don't take them."
I looked down at my hooves and sighed. "What happened to ponies, Watcher? How'd things go so wrong? I get that the war messed up the world, but what happened to a pony's 'Never-Say-Die' attitude?"
"I guess when the first ponies came out and saw what had happened to their home, they just lost heart. There's only so much a pony can take, and it was too much for them. Now they just soldier on, getting along by the hairs in their tails."
"Damn," I said. There wasn't anything else I could say. The depressed feeling washed over me as I thought about those ponies that had their souls crushed by the sight of the post-apocalyptic world. "Well, at least I can make the world a little brighter for two of them."
"Small steps, Vers," Watcher said, the bot bobbing in a nod. "If that's all any of us can do, then we can at least do that."
"Hey, Watcher," I said after another minute of silence. "When's the last time you got out into the world?"
"What do you mean?"
"I back-tracked your signal to a mountain in the Northwest area of Equestria," I told him. I'd kind of done this very early in our conversation, but hadn't brought it up. It might have been a good trump card, but now there was no reason to hide it. "When's the last time you got out?"
"Well, um," he replied, clearly flustered. "It's… it's been a long while…"
"Months?"
"Years," he said sheepishly. The bot even half turned away as if embarrassed.
"Get out of that cave sometime. Go for a fly, assuming you have wings. See how the world is really doing. You can only do so much from behind a monitor."
"It's not that simple," he replied, the bot hovering toward the door. "I gotta go. This bot will fly a good distance away before I let it loose. Don't want to wake the foal up. I'm sorry I dropped such a bombshell on you like that."
"It's alright," I replied. "I needed to know."
"What will you do now," he asked, the bot turning back to me again.
"Well," I replied, walking over to stare out into the rain. "It's like you said. All we can do is soldier on. That's what I'm gonna do. Once I get to New Appleoosa, I'll just go from there. Although, a direction would be nice."
"You can tune into radio waves, right?" I nodded. "Tune into the active radio stations around Equestria. There's one station run by a pony called DJ-Pon3."
"DJ-Pon-three?"
"It makes sense when written down," Watcher said. "He's always keeping ponies updated on the goings-on around the wasteland. Might give you a hint or two on where to go from time to time."
I thought for a minute. "So I become a wandering hero, huh?"
"It's just an idea. See you later, Vers."
"Get out of your cave more, Watcher. You may save a life yourself sometime."
The bot bobbed once, then turned and flew off into the gloom. I watched it fly away for as long as I could track it, then turned back inside. With a sigh, I laid back down next to Night Rose. She murmured in her sleep about a smell of bacon, but didn't wake up. I smiled as I looked over at Winter. She was wrapped around Tiller protectively. Both breathed evenly as they slept.
"Small steps," I said to myself, then turned on my radio receiver. "Ok, mister Pon3. Give me a clue."
"Good evening, children! This is DJ-Pon3, droppin' the truth into your heads no matter how much it hurts! And now, some news!
"It seems that somepony has finally taken care of a nasty raider hide-out on the road to Fillydelphia. And I don't mean gently. I'm talkin' some heavy handed dealin' here, children. Word is, the whole first floor of the place is gone, blasted to hell along with the raiders inside! Whoever they pissed off was carryin' some big damn guns! If you hear anything, Ol' DJ-Pon3 would love to hear about it! And to whoever did the deed, Good on ya! You saved a mess of ponies some serious headache! Keep up the good work!
Next, some news from the Trottingham area, and I'm sad to say it isn't good. Seems a group of Gawdyna Grimfeathers' mercenaries has got themselves in a tight spot. A group of them were up that way escortin' a merchant caravan when they were jumped by a pack of Hellhounds. Doesn't look like the caravan made it, but the mercs were pushed into an abandoned subway station. I happen to like the Talons, so I hope to Celestia they make it out alright.
"In other news, our Wasteland Heroine is as active as ever! When last seen, she was headin' in to some serious trouble in Maripony. Now, most folks steer clear of that crazy-ass place, but she strode in like it was nothing special. I don't know the details, but I'm glad to say she walked right back out again, lookin' none the worse for wear. I'm not sure what's happenin' there, children, but when I know, YOU'LL know!
"And finally, the Security Mare's been movin' herself around the Hoof quite a bit. I just got word from my good friend, Bottlecap, over at Megamart. From what she's told me, our girl took on one ugly lookin' Reaper with some nasty bot parts, and left him layin' in the dirt. Normally, I'm not one to cheer on a pony for ending another, but that particular cyborg seemed to want her bad, and I'm glad she came out on top in the end.
"Well, that's it from 'round the campfire, children. Here's an upbeat tune I recently got my hooves on. It's a little different from what I normally play, but I got this special delivery from a certain toaster repair pony that stopped by a while ago. I think it's only fair I play it for you all, just for some variety.
"Here's Dirty Androids and Pinkie Pie servin' up some nice hot Golden Cupcakes!"
I left the radio playing in the background. This DJ-Pon3, whoever he was, had some real good sources, even if he was a few days behind. Nothing too wrong with that. It also seemed that Watcher was telling the truth about other ponies trying to do some good in the world. If others were willing to give it a stab, then maybe it wasn't so far gone after all.
The upper left corner of my vision blinked for attention. I brought it into my main view and got an excited feeling. The antivirus has uncovered something big. It was clean, but still encoded. I smiled to myself. Finally a challenge.
The challenge ended up keeping me busy all through the night. If it was at all possible, I would have been completely exhausted from the effort. This not being the case, I had my whole focus bent on the task. My decryption program, my lock-pick program, and three assisting subroutines were all working hard, as well as doing a visual attempt. Code passed over my eyes as I scanned stacks upon stacks of data, looking for the correct sequence needed to unlock this file.
The file itself was large, taking up several dozen gigabytes of space alone. I could see tendrils of linking code branching off of it into several dozen places in my main matrix, from my motor controls all the way to that dark center that was my power core. The main mass of these, though, branched off into another large mystery: that classified weapon inside my chest. I was this close to uncovering what it did.
If I had a heart, it would be racing.
A noise from behind me brought my attention to the world at large. Tiller was awake and stretching his little body, causing Winter to open her eyes as well. She watched her foal slowly step outside, presumably to relive himself. I followed him with my own view, but my real attention was still on the file. It was a 82-bit encryption; I was able to so far narrow it down to 27.
"How are you this morning, Versatile," Winter asked as Tiller stepped outside.
"I'm good, I guess," I replied. 22.
"Are you sure? You look a little distracted."
"Working on something. Found a file. Big file."
"Oh really," she asked as she stood and trotted over to me. Once again, the Pipbuck was plugged into my mind and I gave her a view of what I was seeing on my military grade E.F.S. Her eyes widened as she examined the pathways this file took. "This is big," she said at last.
"Yup." 20. "Leads all over my body."
"So I see," she replied. She un-plugged the Pipbuck as Tiller returned and pulled some breakfast from his mother's bag. Next to me, Night Rose moaned quietly as she slowly came to consciousness. 17.
"Do you think you should go outside in case something happens?"
"Like what," Tiller asked, sitting down next to Winter with a container of Sugar Bombs. "What could happen, and why?"
"Vers has discovered something," Winter replied. I felt Night Rose's head come up. She looked at me questioningly, but I was looking into the distance, focused on the code. 15.
"Like what? Is it about him being a robot?" Winter looked down at him, surprised. "I knew from the first day. I was awake when he flew me back."
I smiled at that. Tough little guy indeed. 10. "Here we go, guys. Single bit range."
They watched me expectantly, only Tiller making any other motion (his nose in the box and munching.) The bits fell into place slowly. I was six away, then four. Two. I braced when it hit one bit. Then, anticlimax. I heard a voice in my head that sounded exactly like the purple unicorn from my memory say, "Access granted. Activator code is online."
"Done," I said aloud, knowing they couldn't hear what I heard. They all breathed a sigh of relief.
"And," Night Rose prompted.
"This file is even bigger than it lets on," I said. "But my hunch was right. It activated whatever's inside my chest. I can see the power being rerouted… I need to get outside." I stood quickly, Night Rose rolling away from me as I galloped through the doorway. I heard them follow me out as I stopped twenty feet away. "Stay back," I said, facing my body into the empty wasteland. I mentally pressed the activation button and waited.
"Target lock not acquired," the voice said. "Aborting firing."
"It needs a target," I said.
"How about that truck," Night Rose said, looking past the container. I looked over, and a crosshair appeared in my vision. It floated down to rest on the vehicle then pulsed red.
"Got it. Stand back." The trio of biological ponies ran to the far side of the road as this robotic pony pressed the activation button again.
"Target locked, opening firing aperture." My chest split down the middle and opened wide, exposing a large lens, almost like a foot-wide camera eye. Clamp-like hooks shot down from the front of my legs and embedded into the ground. My body seemed to balance forward almost to the point where I would have dropped onto my face.
"Firing particle cannon."
The world went white. I closed my eyes out of reflex. I couldn't be sure how everypony else reacted; all my sensors went down. Even through my closed eyelids, I could see a beam of pure energy streaking out of my body and into the cab of the truck. The force of the blast pushed me back hard. I felt like I had an orbital launch rocket firing out of me. As quickly as it had started, it was over. The energy cut off and the hooks retracted. I fell to my rump, panting heavily as the chest plates slid back into place seamlessly. Gradually, my sensors came back online. I opened my eyes as a pair of small hooves came to rest on my chest.
"Are you okay, Vers," Tiller asked. I looked around, still trying to catch my breath. Winter was trotting over to inspect the perfect hole I'd shot through the vehicle. Night Rose was standing off to the side, looking at me intently. I could see on her face she was going through several emotions. Fear, worry for me, wonder, worry for Tiller, amazement, fear again. Was she afraid of me now?
"I'm alright," I said to Tiller, slowly rising to my hooves. I stumbled as I tried to take a step, and Tiller called out for Winter or Night Rose to come help me. "I'm alright," I repeated. "Just a little drained."
I looked back at Night Rose. She was definitely afraid, but now I think it was for me instead of of me. I gave her a brief nod, and she ran over to me, throwing herself into a full body hug. Surprised, I fell over as her weight hit me.
"Night Rose, what-"
"I'm sorry," she cried. "I'm sorry I was scared of you! That beam was so big I thought you would explode! I'm sorry I doubted you!"
"Slow down," I told her. She wasn't making any sense. Doubt? Scared? Why? I waited till she composed herself a bit, then let her explain.
"When you shot that bright light out of your chest, I thought you were going to blow up with that balefire egg inside you. I screamed. I screamed like a scared filly. I was so afraid you were going to blow up and kill us all."
"Why did you think that," I asked.
"Because that's how the bombs go off," she replied. She'd let go of me so we could both sit up. I looked down at her as she continued. "When I was with the Steel Rangers, they showed us videos of what it looked like. A bright light, then fire. Then nothing. I thought that was happening. I… I think I hated you then. For releasing that and killing us. But you didn't. I'm so ashamed of myself."
I let her talk. She needed to get it out clearly. When she was finished, I just put a leg around her and hugged her. I felt her tears wet my side as I pulled her to me and held her. Tiller, for his part, ran over to his mom to give us some privacy. The colt was smart, I'd give him that.
"Thanks," she said at last. "For saving my life, I mean. I never thanked you for that."
"Don't worry about it, Night Rose," I replied.
"No, I do worry about it," she said, pushing herself off me and to her hooves. Inexplicably, she walked back to the container we'd spent the night in, saying over her shoulder, "You really don't know anything about me, do you?"
I sat stunned as she walked away. What is with that mare? Crying one minute, angry the next? What's next, maniacal laughter? I shook myself and stood up. It felt like I'd recovered enough energy to walk properly, so I headed over to where Winter was still looking at the hole I made.
"It's perfectly circular," she said as I approached. "And it goes all the way through." She pointed past the truck to a billboard a half a mile away. I could see a burning circle with my enhanced vision.
"Crap," I said, zooming back out to normal. "Maybe she was right to be afraid."
"Night Rose," Winter asked, looking up at me.
"Yeah. She said she was scared that I'd released a balefire bomb and was gonna kill us all."
"Well, in a way," Winter replied thoughtfully, "you did." I looked at her crossly. "Released a balefire bomb, I mean. That IS what's ticking at your core, isn't it?"
"Yeah," I said, now thinking myself. "I guess you're right. Well, in any case, that's a last resort weapon. I don't plan on using it ever. Failing that, as sparsely as possible. Don't think I can get more than two shots off before I shut down."
"Wise decision," she said with a nod, and turned to walk into the container. "We'd better get moving."
I looked down into the hole I'd made and made a very scary discovery: Not only had it gone through to a range of beyond half a mile, but it had burned right through the engine block on this large cargo hauler. Three-quarters of a ton of steel were vaporized in one shot from my chest. This weapon was far to powerful.
Which begged the question of, 'If I was meant to help ponies, why did I carry a weapon that could melt a tank at a hundred yards?' From somewhere in my memory, a saying printed itself out on my E.F.S.
When you want peace, prepare for war.
Footnote: Level Up!
New Perk: Long Arm – You have better than average vision, giving you +5 to rifles and other long range weaponry.