//------------------------------// // Chapter 38 // Story: Refined Starlight in a Broken Vessel // by the-pieman //------------------------------// After all is said and done, I can only think of one thing to say to Pinkie. “I need a drink.” “Well, what did you have in mind?” She asks, snuggling into me, fur brushing against me. “Something... hard. I mean, ever since things started going sour in Wunderland, I feel like I need a metaphorical kick in the head.” “Idunno, that doesn’t sound so good... but a stiff drink does.” Pinkie says. “I wouldn’t mind one or two... especially the Mago Slushies at the Frothy Mug.” “Yeah, haven’t stopped by there since I cashed in that favor and got that special every-flavor drink.” I begin climbing down the tree, Pinkie holding onto my back. I admit, being descended from apes makes tree-climbing easier than descendants of horses. After a bit of wandering we get to the bar. Speaking of... “This isn’t the only bar in town, is it?” I continue the thought after sitting down at the bar. “I haven’t seen any others at least.” “Well, there’s the Winking Geezer, but I think that’s a pub, not a bar.” Pinkie says, tapping her chin with a hoof, Stoic coming over to us. I ponder what to have. Something tart but overall sweet still. I recall one drink I liked to order. Granted I only had it twice before coming here. “Let’s see. The actual name won’t make sense but uh, it’s... what was it... cherry vodka, amaretto, and lemonade? Yeah, that sounds right.” Stoic thinks it over, then nods, wings snapping out to reach for ingredients and pull them up, And Pinkie calls over to him, “We’ll put ‘em both on my tab, okay?” and receives a nod in response, Stoic sliding over two drinks, one in front of me and one for Pinkie. Mine looks about right, while Pinkie’s is a bright pink and yellow, and appears to be some form of slurpee. I notice that Pinkie didn’t even place an order... must be something she orders often enough that it’s expected. I take a long drink from my glass an- oooooooooh yeah, that’s it, that’s a Deadpool’s Fourth Wall. Only missing one thing. Or rather two things but still... I can live without them for now, not gonna let this bit of nostalgia get away. I sigh happily at the sweet but definitely alcoholic drink. I take a lighter sip and lean back a bit. Only one thing missing now, a burger made out of a beef patty, cheese and frizzled onion shavings. Pinkie downs her entire drink in one go, shouting something in a language I don’t recognize, before cheerfully grabbing a second drink to sip at more slowly. I figure with my star core running detox for me I could do the same, but I’d rather just enjoy this drink in its entirety. Taking my second sip I swallow slowly, savoring the aftertaste of proper lemonade and vodka. The taste leaves too early but I set the drink down for now. “Yup.” I see Berry come up from the basement area, and she smiles when she sees me. “Oh, hello Anthony! Here to celebrate? Or for other reasons?” she asks. “Eh, haven’t been around in a while, figured I’d stop by somewhere. Wunderland was... a wonder alright.” “Oh, you went to Wunderland? I’ve always heard it’s really scary there. Was it?” she asks. “At times, but mostly it was frustrating. Had to outdrink a Jabberwocky to avoid getting eaten, true story.” I say, rolling my eyes at the memory. “W-wow! That’s, uhm... wow...” she seems at a loss for words, and I’m honestly unable to tell if it’s because she doesn’t believe me, or believes me and is terrified at the thought. Well, if she doesn’t believe, Pinkie can vouch for me. “And there was a fiasco with the chessboard, more sentient-creature eating involved there too. From what I read, Wunderland was violent, sure but... eh, I’m glad to be back. Did snag some souvenirs though.” “Oh? Such as?” she asks, mixing up a drink as she talks. I take another sip. “Got attacked by Jub Jub birds. Took ‘em out with a bit of difficulty but snagged a few feathers. Twilight says they’re hard to get so... kept ‘em.” “Oh, yes! Of course, I’ve heard Jub Jub birds are like the chickens of Wunderland, and that some folks farm ‘em.” “Speaking of people who farm them, Pinkie’s grandma was... instrumental in our troubles.” “Oh? Pinkie, you’ve never mentioned much about your grandmother. Does she live in Wunderland?” Berry asks. “Oh, yes! Granny Pie’s lived there for ages and ages, and while she did kinda make things harder for us, she was just doing it kinda because she’s a powerful trickster, but also because we said we were looking for an adventure and she hates disappointing me and so she sent us on an adventure.” she says, drinking her beverage as she speaks. “If ‘adventure’ means ‘have us nearly die or get stuck forever’ as an adventure then yeah. So, how’re the rugrats?” I ask, changing the subject. “Oh, the girls are doing quite well, though I’m sorry to hear about you nearly dying. That’s pretty harrowing. Explains why you’re in here though.” “Yeah well, a few more of these...” I point out a cut under my shirt that hasn’t fully healed yet. “And I’d probably be somewhere else. But enough about me, how’ve things been while I was gone?” “Well... quiet, really. I don’t mean to say you’re a trouble magnet or anything, I actually suspect it was, well... Twilight being gone that made it so quiet. I don’t mind the hubbub and the like, but I swear things were never so interesting before Twilight.” “She’s special, I’ll say that.” I say, taking another drink. “Comes in handy, too.” “Oh yes, she’s a big help around town, but I’ve never seen so many monster attacks, random things invading, or half as many things once considered hokey religion or old mare’s tales as I have since she came to town. Love the gal to death, she’s an excellent librarian, but I’m certain she’s the focus of the problems that come for Ponyville.” “Y’know... I am her friend...” Pinkie says, looking at Berry. “I’m also... a little tipsy actually.” she says, looking at the... holy shit, she’s gone through a dozen of those things already? “Shit, Pinks, pace yourself.” I say, turning to Berry. “As for Twi being a trouble magnet, yeah, I can see that, but she’s not that bad. As much of a pain in my neck as she can be... I like being able to talk to someone about science stuff and the like.” “Oh, I can understand. There’s not many ponies around I can talk to about brewing or mixing besides my husband... and who really wants to talk shop in bed, right?” she says, eyeing Pinkie, who is now leaning companionably on my arm, beaming broadly. “Twi also inadvertently helped me relax.” I turn my next statement to Pinkie. “And if you want another go, I’m still holding that no-fur restriction.” “We’ll get more drinks in you and visit Twilight.” Pinkie says, giggling. “Or you can keep your hands to yourself.” “Only if you’re not~!” Pinkie sings songs. I grip the bridge of my nose, and sigh. I figure since Berry isn’t shocked at how much Pinkie’s drank that this is a normal occurrence. “So, you got any idea how we sober her up? It’s a bit early in the day for me to deal with a drunk super-energetic pony.” “Give her an hour; She’s burned off more than that in less time before.” Berry says. “And either way, she’s still easy to corral by introducing foals into the mix.” I think about that. “Probably not in this current mix. Never seen her like this, honestly. Close, but she’s a little more... loose now.” “She... gets like that at times. Then she drinks, then she sobers up, and gets better.” Berry says with a  shrug. Evidently it’s normal for Pinkie, but that does sound the slightest bit worrisome. “So, what do while we wait?” “Order another drink?” Pinkie suggests, wavering a bit. I sigh. “If I can outdrink a reality-warping being I have a feeling it’s not gonna be easy for me to get drunk unless I’m trying to.” I point out.  I turn back to Berry. “Though you’ve probably got some magic drink that can get me flat on my rear in a second but-” “Oh, I have one better; there’s a few herbs meant for lowering someone’s magical defenses against alcohol. Normally, I wouldn’t even offer, but with your metabolism...” I shrug. “Maybe. ‘Star Core’ probably outclasses your standard unicorn. Anyways, We should get out of here before Pinkie gets more than halfway into the metaphorical bottle.” “Oh, fine... I’ll bring in the full tab on Monday!” Pinkie says chipperly. Stoic and Berry nod, and I lead Pinkie out. She’s weaving more than a grandmother in need of a blanket. “Well, come on, might as well get you home.” I say, herding Pinkie towards Sugarcube Corner. It goes fairly well, though Pinkie does manage to trip... which makes little sense for a quadruped but it happens apparently. A short while later we walk in the door of the bakery, myself ducking and barely missing hitting my head on a bell that proceeds to ding and announces our arrival. “Oh, Pinkie! You’re back!” Mrs. Cake says from behind the counter, and Pinkie smiles up to her. “Yeah, don’t know what the occasion was but apparently she decided that now was the time to drink until she can’t tell left from right.” I say apologetically. “Oh, that’s alright. She does this from time to time, but she’s always better for it in the end. Oh, you two might want to sit down off to the side; the school day’s over, and there’s about be a bit of a tidal flow.” The matronly businessmare giggles to herself as she braces for the incoming invasion of her workplace. “Kids come here for more than parties, I take it.” I say, finding a table and setting Pinkie down before seating myself. She is either totally immune to hangovers, or does not fear the one she’ll have here soon. “Well, we do serve milkshakes, cookies, and other treats, Anthony. In fact, after the rush, you should get a milkshake for yourself and Pinkie, they’re great for sharing!” she says. I nod. “Yeah, honestly I understand the whole ‘school’s out, let’s go get sweets’ deal but I was never the one who did anything but just head home after school. No money and never anything else to do.” “Well, have this one on the house, then. Pinkie doesn’t get to go on enough dates anyways.” Before I can correct Mrs. Cake, the door opens wide and a flood of multicolored little ponies spills into the restaurant. Of course the counter is swarmed by the children and Bits are piled onto the counter as all orders are shouted at the same time. How Mrs. Cake manages to smile and nod, taking in all of this is lost on me. The children eventually almost all leave, Pinkie draping herself over my arm and acting generally snuggly, until four of the ponies split off from the departing group. I note that it’s the CMC and Noi, who’s also wearing a cape, the uniform of the little organization. They greet me, apparently having missed me during my vacation. I point out Noi’s cape. “Got into the club huh? What’s the initiation?” “Sorry.” Applebloom says. “Top secret.” I roll my eyes. “Well as long as you aren’t making the new kids eat bugs or anything I guess that’s fine.” “Ew, why would we make somepony eat a bug?” Sweetie asks, making a disgusted face. I shrug. “There are all kinds of weird initiation rituals for human groups. A more infamous one is the spanking machine.” The group of four all look a bit worried but eventually shake their heads. “Nah we wouldn’t do that... that’s just mean.” “Depends on if you don’t like spankings...” Pinkie says, slurring a bit. “Who’d like to be spanked?” Scootaloo asks first, very confused. The look on her face is adorable. I shake my head. “Don’t mind Pinkie, she had a bit too much ‘celebration’ for her to handle.” I say, even as Pinkie mutters that she wouldn’t mind, and mumbles a few other names as well, though I thankfully can’t hear who else is with her in this. “Pinkie not handlin’ a celebration? Musta been some party!” Applebloom says, sounding awed. “More like a lot of drinks.” I say, sighing. “Not sure why some people enjoy being drunk. Anyways, how’s the crusading been going? Anyone get their mark yet?” A resounding, sad, ‘Noo...’ is their response, and it’s horrible coming from four dejected little faces. Pinkie, even while drunk, can’t deny her calling and offers our milkshake to them. I wasn’t in the mood for one anyways so it works out fine. I shrug. “Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Think of it this way, out of all the things you’ve tried, you’ve made the list of things you haven’t tried even smaller, thereby putting you closer to getting your Cutie Marks.” I say and they look up at this, and the milkshake. “No day is wasted as long as it’s spent doing what you want.” “Miss Cheerilee says kinda the same thing, but... I don’t really get it.” Scootaloo says. “I mean, we didn’t get what we wanted, so doesn’t that mean today is a waste?” I frown. “And nobody’s going to get their Cutie Mark in being a quitter either, so you might as well keep going, right?” Part of me doesn’t want the kids to grow up too fast lest they end up like me or worse, and considering the cutie mark is apparently the ultimate symbol of adulthood or some sort of adolescent benchmark, I have a feeling the desire to have a cutie mark is mostly fueled by a desire to be older and not treated like kids. Or they just want tattoos before their legal age to get them. Either or. The four look more hopeful, Scootaloo yelling ‘Yeah!’. “Hey, Anthony, maybe you want to help us come up with ideas? I mean, it looks like you’re helping Pinkie, so you don’t have to come with, but we can totally work on ideas for tomorrow and alter today!” “Have you tried...” I try to come up with some feasible activity they can do that’s mostly harmless. “Being news reporters?” “Yeah...” Really? Huh, okay... “How about-” Suddenly I’m struck by an idea, something I haven’t seen in ages even on Earth. “Ever ran a lemonade stand?” The four look back and forth between them. “We’ve... never done that yet. This is perfect!” Sweetie Belle yells happily, and the four little ponies all cheer and shout, before running outside, with so much enthusiasm it brings a smile to my face. Even if they don’t get their marks, they’ll get some money so that might get their attention. Can’t think of a kid alive who couldn’t benefit from a little extra pocket change. “So what now?” I ask, not sure myself if it’s aimed at the still-tipsy Pinkie or Mrs. Cake. “We’ve still gotta milkshake...” Pinkie says, pulling over the shake, which the kids hadn’t had the chance to get into yet. “Share?” she asks, leaning her head back against me to smile up at me. “...Sure.” We end up splitting the thing and between us it’s gone in almost two minutes. I sigh and lean back. “Alright, I’m gonna go sleep in my own bed for a while. I could use a good rest after our ‘vacation’.” “... Can I come with you?” she asks, looking at me. “You’ve already had your time in the same bed as me, I think we can use a little space.” “Aww...” she looks dejected. “Well, if you insist...” “Look, my last nap was due to drinking myself under a table, and since then I’ve ran, jumped, climbed, gotten a rather stressful massage, ran some more, and then I can’t relax until the town was a no-goop zone again. I’m not sure how you aren’t zonked out right now.” “Lotsa sugar and being related to a nigh-omnipotent trickster creature from Wunderland.” Well, that makes sense. “Well sorry, but it’s time to sleep for us mortals. Even Twilight is probably home in bed.” “Yeah... it’s mid-day, and she’s probably going to be getting ready to research everything she saw in Wunderland.” Pinkie says. “Yeah, seeya.” I say, walking over to the library and getting up to my room just in time to pass out... Upon waking I feel a lot better. I must say, even though I don’t really need to sleep, I still like to if I’m in the mood and I do still get tired. Heading downstairs I actually look at the place. Holy shit. That gives a new definition to ‘clean as a whistle’. “Jeez Spike, how bored did you have to be to do this? I mean, I thought Twilight had OCD.” “What’s OCD? I didn’t do anything special, you guys just haven’t been around to mess it up.” Spike says offhandedly. “Oh... huh.” Guess Twi and I are a bit more cluttered than I thought. “Well thanks for doing upkeep.” Spike sighs. “It’s my job. Don’t really have much else to do when Twilight’s gone. Don’t need to feed anyone but myself, don’t have to clean up after folks so everything stays clean, it’s quiet... gets pretty boring really, especially once you’ve read all your comics for the tenth time.” Spike laments, sitting at the table and sighing. “You ever get tired of this job?” Spike ponders for a moment. “Well... not really, it does give me something to do you know? I mean, it’s not like I hate cleaning up after you guys or keeping Twi fed. It’s kinda my job. I mean, most unicorns have an assistant or, y’know, a familiar if they’re good at summoning. I’m just hers.” “Wait, so there are other unicorns with baby dragons?” I ask, greatly confused. “Well... no. I’m really unique, actually, Celestia once told me nopony has had a dragon familiar since before Starswirl’s time, but most unicorns that’re good at magic summon a familiar. Or purchase a hireling, either way. Unicorns with a lot of power tend to be really spacey, and when I was young, me getting hungry was the only thing that reminded Twilight to eat instead of studying. I just... kept doing that, and helping her out.” he says. “Not that it isn’t a good thing that you’re happy here and all, but don’t you ever have bigger dreams, or plans for the future? Like, doing something that gets you your own money?” Spike chuckles. “Can you keep a secret from Twilight for me?” he asks, still smiling slightly. “I’ve kept secrets from her since I met her, I can handle one more.” “Dragons are immortal, and ponies aren’t. I’ve... already figured that out. And I want to spend whatever time I can with Twilight. I’ll have so... so long to do what I want after that.” he says. That is fairly mature for a kid his relative age. “Dude, that’s deep.” I say. “I, personally, am gonna off myself.” “You don’t mean...” He makes a cutting motion across his throat, a concerned look on his face. “Yeah, if I’m long-lived enough and I hit a thousand, I’m done. I’d have already lived long enough to see all my friends die and then some. I figure I don’t wanna live forever I mean... that’s a long time. And to be fair, humans aren’t meant to live that long. Heck, if I age like a normal human still, I’d probably end it when I hit eighty. I at least wanna go out on my own terms rather than die from cancer like most members of my extended family.” “W-well... I’d still be here. So will Luna, and Celestia, and Cadence. And you could make more friends in that time.” He sounds worried, which I guess makes sense. If he’s come to the ‘immortality epiphany’ already, a thousand years could sound like a really short time to him. I think for a moment. Well, Spike as a dragon has a tougher stomach than most ponies, I think he could handle this... “Spike, let me tell you a secret.” I glance up the stairs to make sure Twilight wasn’t up and listening. She wasn’t. “I’ve already tried to kill myself. I don’t wanna live forever. At all.” “Well... you won’t. I mean, if you live like a star, you’ll live a long time, but not forever. I mean, you’re not like a dragon. Dragons just get stronger the older we get, but stars fade out eventually, I think. I could send a letter to Princess Luna asking about stars, if you’d like.” “Nah. Besides, like I said, I’ve attempted suicide, I don’t want to live a thousand years or however long I’ll live. I’ll probably just... disappear one day or something and I wouldn’t suggest looking for me. I know I’m being kind of a downer here but I think there’ll be a point where you question the value of a life that goes on forever, literally or figuratively.” “Well... the point would be the help you can give others, right? After all, that’s the point of life, immortal or not.” he says. “The way I see it... actually, you know we could go around like this in circles for hours. I have an idea.” I say, a plan already formed in my head. “Oh?” “Let’s go ask an ancient dragon what he thinks of immortality.” “Eh, Idunno... most dragons are really mean, even when they’re young. I once tried to meet some, and they were all jerks.” “Well, maybe we have to find one that’s older than they are. And if you’re right and they’re all jerks... we can just leave.” “Leave where exactly?” Twilight asks, coming down the stairs. “Are you already planning our next vacation spot?” I ponder that. “Depending on how long we stay, I guess I am.” “Well, where is it? I’ll start researching right away!” she says, smiling broadly. “It’ll be nice to take my mind off of Wunderland.” I shrug. “Do you know where we can find a dragon? Like, an ancient, ancient dragon? Spike and I have a little debate going and we’d like an answer.” “What sort of debate can only be solved by an ancient dragon?” she asks, very curious, and a touch cautious. “Something that we’re keeping a secret.” I say, folding my arms and giving Spike a nod, who nods back. “Either way, yeah, let’s go find a dragon. You can probably ask a few questions too.” “Erm... well, the only dragon in the age class you’re asking about I can think of that’s nearby would be in the dragonlands... and we’d need to wait a while before we can go there. Mostly for diplomatic reasons. Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Spike, and I went to an area on the edge of the dragonlands, and things went very... poorly. We’ll need to get an escort and plan for a couple months of travel and... well, it’ll be a big thing. Do you really want to do this?” I shrug. “The way I see it, we have nothing to lose by going. I mean, come on, you’ve got to have plenty of dragon questions that haven’t been answered. You could probably write an entire book on dragon culture if you ask the right questions. And besides, I’m getting a little tired of Ponyville. It’s nice and all, but I wanna see the big picture, you know?” “Well, Anthony, in case you’ve forgotten, ponies and dragons need to eat, even if you don’t. And it’d be a month or two of traveling anyways, through dangerous zones and across perilous terrain. You’ll need to be geared up, and ready for everything out there.” “Well, let’s see, got my brain, got my Star Core... all I need's a few supplies, a giant roll of duct-tape and a weapon and I’m sure I’ll be fine. You don’t have to come if you don’t want, I’m just saying you’d be able to ask questions ponies have probably wanted to know the answers to for ages.” “Anthony, you’re not listening. For one, if you’re taking Spike, there’s no way I’m going to let him go alone into a place where there are things that prey on grown dragons. Second, this isn’t some sort of storybook, where you can just ignore the months of traveling required, or the potential diplomatic incident that would result. Maybe if you listened to me for once.” Twilight says, sounding uncharacteristically grumpy. “What diplomatic incident could arise? I’m not going to do anything but be diplomatic. You think I expect to get answers by being a jerk?” “That is your track record. And mostly, I meant bypassing the border into another country illegally. The dragonlands aren’t in Equestria, Anthony. We can’t just go running around on their land, that’d be wrong.” she says. “And all three of us are considered Equestrian citizens, and I don’t want to deal with that problem. And we’d need passports.” “I don’t consider myself to be Equestrian. I also think you need to lighten up. Seriously, you spend all your time worrying and no time thinking about the actual point. So we’ll be going cross-country, get a passport and have it checked. What else is required to step over an invisible line? It’s not like we’re invading or anything.” “Well, again, we need to be prepared to be marching for a month straight, assuming it’s just the three of us, and we’d need to bring enough food for Spike and I for that entire time, as there isn’t even grass in large swathes of the dragonlands. Also, Spike needs gems for nutritional reasons, and those get rather heavy in any amount large enough to last a growing dragon a decent amount of time, such as, say, more than two weeks. And even if we don’t look like we’re invading, Dragons have attempted to invade us, and there have been the occasional random Dragon Hunter group going crazy and xenophobic and trying to sneak into the dragonlands for a few ‘trophies’.” Twilight says. “You may think I worry too much, but I think you don’t worry about your friends enough, Anthony.” “Are you done?” I ask, arms still crossed. “... for the moment.” “First off, don’t you say a damn thing about how I mistreat my friends, like you would know. Secondly, fine. You win, we’ll never go anywhere. We’ll just stay in this stupid little valley town for the rest of our lives and never step outside our comfort zone or learn anything new that isn’t shipped to us by the real explorers.” “First off, I never said you mistreat your friends, I only said you don’t worry enough. Or listen, apparently. Second of all, I said we’d have to wait and do it right. You waited for the trip to Wunderland, didn’t you? This is the same thing.” She looks at me angrily. “So let’s stop bickering and start actually planning this trip. All you had to say was ‘okay, let me just make a list’ and we’d be done. The way you’ve been going on, you act like you don’t want anyone to go at all!” “I never said that! Once again, you never seem to listen to me!.” She yells, stamping a forehoof. “Urgh! Why do you always assume the worst out of me?!” she yells, before storming out of the room. Looking around, Spike has already left, too. “You wouldn’t understand my reasoning, even if I did explain it.” I say to the now-absent Twilight. Of course I always assume the worst of people! I’ve been scammed out of house and home for doing any less. I get up and head for the door. Might as well get started on this myself if I’m not going to get any help. I pause when I realize that I don’t even know where to start. Except for the myriad of books in the library. I leave the doorway and turn to the shelves. Geography? No. History? No. Hmmm... where’s an encyclopedia, that would be a good place to start...